Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 3 Episode 5

0:00This special episode of Summer S'mores is presented by Solo Stove. Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Trust us, once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Go check them out at solostove.com. Use promo code Conan to get$10 off your new pit. Summer S'mores with Conan and the Chill Chums. A six-part series with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsassian, and Matt Gorley. Let's get started. Great job, everybody, and welcome back. We do a show. Wait, I'm sorry. Great job on what? We be back, we do a show? You're a mess.

0:43You don't know what I've been through. I do. I've seen it go through you. Okay. You're like, what? Literal rum. Oh. I've watched gallons of rum go. Well, now it's time we take a look at what pizza art is like when it gets boiled in an oven. Yep. Well, it wasn't really, I wouldn't say boiled, but they took, I think, very accurate portraits of us depicted in pizza and then shoved them into a, would you say, 750 degree oven? To 900. To 900 degree. And now we get to see what happened. Which one should we start on? I think we know where we should start. Let's start on mine. Okay. And this is a wonderful depiction of me in about six years.

1:26I don't even see. That is me six years from now. Oh, I see it. Trust me. This is every uncle I ever knew. This is what happens to an old Brian if we don't put on sunblock and we like our liquor a little too much. Sona is just melting. Sona is... Sona is falling apart. Well, and also the pizza's not doing too well. Ah! Yay, I win a prize. You win a prize? Sona, I can see your eyes. Yeah, your eyes are there. And your earring has moved up your head. Yeah. Yeah. So the heat, I guess, distorted your ear. You still have that wonderful hair made of pepperoni, which is not unlike your own hair. Very high in sodium.

2:11Very greasy. Yeah. So you and I look terribly distorted. You know who actually doesn't look bad? Matt Gourley. Well, that just means I'm pure of heart and innocent of soul. No. No. It just means that you were meant to be a pizza. I'll take it. Sona and I were meant to be humans that live on Earth. Wait a minute. I see your glasses still. Yeah. Yeah, you do look like Rivers Cuomo after a terrible house fire. But that's a compliment. Yeah, that's an improvement. Yeah. No, no, no. You look fine. I think we can all agree that, Matt, your pizza depiction held up the best under intense temperatures.

2:52I win this challenge. You do. Sona, how do you feel about the way you look? You know what? I'm a little, I'm, I'm, I don't, I can see my eyes and I don't think I'm, I want to be a pizza. Can I say something, Sona? Yeah. I recognize this version of you. It was after we did a week of shows at Comic-Con and you would hit the bars every night. Yeah. About four or five, six years ago. That was what I would see in the morning going, blah, green bomb. That was what I depicted. Yeah. That's what I saw. That doesn't make any sense. And I just look like Irish people do after a certain age. There's nothing we can do about it.

3:32I want to eat myself. Well, I'm going to move on. Okay. It got really quiet after I said that. I'm a fucking pizza. It's not like I actually want to eat myself. Can I quote you on that? I'm a fucking pizza. I am. I'm just saying I want to eat my pizza. Okay. All right. Yeah. Why? It's fine. I don't want any trouble from her. Matt, would you distract this insane bowl? Yes. So I'm not gored. Let's, first of all, give a big round of applause for Sarah for handling all the pizza art. Thank you. You want me to say Shea Shea. Shea Shea. Shea Shea is the family name. My daughter calls her Shea Shea. Thank you so much for doing this for us.

4:08For DG, for helping us out. And we're going to bring in Amanda here in just a second. So Amanda, if you want to grab the treats we've got coming up. Oh my God, treats coming up. That's incredible. While I read this special announcement and hold my own face. to see the pizzas and get the drink recipe be sure to follow at Team Coco podcast podcast oh no I'm the guy I'm the one who's being on Instagram and as a reminder you can watch clips from these Essipodes on Team Coco YouTube I can't tell how much of you is how much of it's performance and how much are you really a little bit well that's the art isn't it said the drunken man on rum I've never felt better myself Oh, you, come on.

4:52Hey, I have an idea brought to me by other people. Let's eat our own faces. I literally said I want to eat me. It was my Arizona, to be fair. Okay, you know what? I don't care anymore. Can we get our other faces in here? Yeah, okay. Faces, all right. Yeah, we're also going to need, we need to cut our faces. Oh, we do need to cut our faces. Face cutters. You don't want to just, you don't want to just peel it off? Well, my whole face is one piece. Like a calzone. Oh, just grab a chunk. Do I want to eat my chin, my eye, my forehead? Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. This looks amazing. Thank you so much.

5:28Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. How hot is this, or is it still, it's cooled off a bit. It's cooled off. Okay, I'm going to take some, here's what I have to do first. I have to remove this offending, oh, look at that. A solo stove, a solo stove very nicely incinerates the mushroom I do not want to eat. That's good cheek. I'm going right for my jawline. What an iconic jawline. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's very good. It tastes good. Yeah. I look horrifying. But I taste it. Yours is loaded with cheese. A lot of cheese happening on Conan's. And I'm tasting some amphetamines. What's happening?

6:13Incredible. Mine tastes of charm and... and what how's yours it's good I just lost a pepperoni do your kids eat pizza your little twins yeah they like pizza they don't eat it that much but they like it what's their favorite food yeah what's their favorite food lamb chops and corn come on I'm not even kidding they fucking love it no one's favorite food is lamb chops my favorite food is lamb chops you need to leave what's your favorite food great cereal what? wait no for real what is it? my favorite food bean and cheese burrito that's lame can I speak to you under the chair please? I'm gonna call a new career low for me

7:04I have talked to the greatest people in the world and then with you two idiots eating our own faces made of pizza and you're having the dumbest argument I've ever heard and I just saw that my career was over can I get a napkin or am I in some kind of medieval time this is delicious this is really good mine tastes fantastic mine's good too but I'm really full and I'm done oh thank you honey you know sitting under these thanks mom are there any stars no it's LA it's nice to be out here yeah I'm enjoying myself I like being in the night air yeah me too I'm enjoying the fraternity the company and also the sorority thank you it's nice this is nice this is really nice i like summer s'mores i think we should do it um in the winter we should have winter s'mores and autumn s'mores autumn s'mores but fuck spring if we do spring s'mores i'm out well i'll talk to the advertising department and see if they can monetize it we don't need an advertiser we could just do it because we're friends oh no i would never do this I'm here because there's a commercial tie-in and the second there's not I'm out of here you just said you like the company I like the company and there's an asterisk at the end if it's endorsed by a product I believe in like Solo Stove fantastic who wants to run my pizza who wants the rest of her she's got a lot of spunk yeah take good care of him Would your...

8:41Are you trying to take my fucking pizza away from you, Chalemi? Chalemi! Jason Chalemi's been with me almost 30 years. Did you try and take a pizza away from an Irish... A giant Irish guy trying to eat it? I did. I apologize. Did you immediately realize the mistake you were making? I walked away immediately. Yes. It was like a great white shark was chewing on a dead seal and you were trying to take it away. Yes. Mistake. Hey, big guy. Can I try a piece of your face? Get the fuck out of my... Give me a piece of your face or I will quit. Do you need a thing? No, I need a piece of face. You need a thing.

9:13Here, turn off some face for old glasses over there. Old glasses? You call me old glasses? I don't know your name. I don't have a name. Oh, this is not a good one. Give me a proper face. Peace. All right. We also got to bring in the desserts here. What? We have a dessert. There's a dessert after this? Well, part of the thing is this whole thing is called summer s'mores. And it's time we move past. Do you want to remind people how this came into being? I, on the podcast, came out against s'mores. Not just you. You as well. Yeah. And Sona disagreed. It was two against one. I love the s'more. I love it.

9:53And you know what? We got a lot of people responding to me in a positive way. You have to admit. Me too. A lot of people said, Conan and Matt are right. It's a disgusting dessert. It's a sham. No one really enjoys it. They just tell themselves they enjoy it because they think they're supposed to have fun eating this crap out in the woods. That's how summer s'mores started because it started a revolution in this country. Can I have a moment to respond, please? Shortly after we did summer s'mores last year, I went on a book tour for my book, The World's Worst Assistant, available in bookstores everywhere right now.

10:28You can order it on Amazon. You can get it at your local bookstore. You can get it at a big bookstore. Just like you could go buy it. What's a big bookstore? I don't know. Costco? What I want to say is every time before I was going to talk to people, I said, hey, who here likes s'mores? An overwhelming majority. I think that what you're talking about is a very small, loud group of people who are stupid and they're wrong. No. You're a fool. No, I've been out there. What I'm saying is I've been out there in the streets. You were asking people for a conditioned response. and you were getting a conditioned response.

11:07You were asking a bunch of, hey, puppies, bark, and you'll get your treat. We have a perfect sample size here. Two out of three. Don't like s'mores. You probably like vanilla ice cream. It's a terrific flavor. It's the most exciting flavor I've ever tasted. I can't imagine anything more exotic. You guys are like toasted wheat bread with nothing on it. I'm getting hard. I'm getting hard. I tried chocolate once and I just passed out. It was too much. Summer S'mores series is back. Each year we gather around a solo stove fire pit. This year, a solo stove sent us the bonfire. It's designed to put out some serious heat without putting off that dirty S word.

11:51You know what I'm talking about? Smoke! Oh, that word. That's right. The solo stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Trust us. Once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Solo stove has multiple different colors. They're portable. So you can take it with you into a back country, the beach, anywhere you want to go. It's pretty incredible. Looks good, works great. Plus, it has a lifetime warranty, which means we could do 150 seasons of this show and it would still last. Now, people would grow tired of us. That's for sure.

12:24Yeah. But the stove would keep cooking. Go check them out at solostove.com and use promo code Conan to get$10 off your new fire pit.

12:37Let's bring in Amanda Lund. Amanda, tell us what you've made for us, what you've graced us with here today. Yeah, banana boats. Okay. This is an improvement on s'mores, basically. You think it is. Wait, where do you come down on s'mores? No, I'm okay with s'mores. I think it is an improvement. Thank you. It's still kind of messy. Amanda, you sort of just implied you don't like s'mores. I'm not a huge s'mores fan. I know. Sorry. A bunch of communists. But anyway, these are basically they're like you take a banana and you slice it and you stuff it with stuff. You wrap it in tinfoil and then you put it in the fire.

13:13It's a camp dessert. Yeah. And then you eat it with a spoon and it's just a hot banana. Wonderful. Yeah. And what have you got inside the banana? OK, so banana A is like a s'mores banana. God damn it. Thank you. But it's deconstructed. So it's Nutella, marshmallow and graham cracker crumble. Oh, that sounds good. And then banana B is salted caramel sauce, milk chocolate, and vanilla wafers. Dibs. And then banana C is a, I don't know why I did this, is condensed milk, pineapple mango jam, macadamia nut, and coconut. Reverse dibs. You don't want that. No. Okay. And then there's the mystery banana.

13:55Wait, there's one in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see us? What's that one? It's a mystery? This is a mystery, Biniana. Oh, wow. Okay. So I'll just wrap them up. I'll take a mystery over that fucking number three. Yeah. Which sounds like a train wreck. I'll take B. Condensed milk. Sona, do you want the s'mores on our own? I have duplicates of the other ones too. I'll do them all. I'll try even the third one no one wants. Yeah, yeah. Have the third one with condensed milk. It's like mango sticky rice. Oh, yeah. Condensed milk is good, but... I don't know. I really don't know. she just left I tore my own face apart you did I'm like a wild animal you ate your whole head well Sonia you've seen me around when I'm around carbs it's not pretty when you're around pizza specifically too you turn into a different person I know I've been trying to be so good I blacked out during that segment I don't know what happened I don't know who's president right now I don't know who the last two presidents have been I completely blacked out and I inhaled my whole face made of pizza and it was fantastic.

15:03Even the mushrooms were good. Did you like it more because it was your face? Yes. Okay. I am what's called a narcissist. Okay. A food narcissist. No, just a narcissist across the board. Okay. So if someone made my face out of strychnine, I would eat it happily and then die. That's just me. What's strychnine? I'm taking a note. Strychnine is a famous poison. Oh, okay. It's real famous. Yeah, it is actually quite famous. Hey, Strychnine can get into any club in America. You're like, hey, Strychnine, get on in here. They all lift the rope. This is for you, bro. How long do we cook this on over the open flame?

15:39Is this me or you? Yeah, that's you. I don't know. Just a couple minutes. Okay. And this is unrelated to Solo Stove. Thank you. Or maybe related in some way. Thank you. Thanks, Amanda. Thank you, Amanda. You're kind of nudging my banana here. Who are you talking to? Try this one, too. This is one no one wanted, but I'm so curious. It's the mystery one? Yeah. No, no, no. That's the condensed milk one. Okay, but do I need to bake it? You could just toss it in the stove and see what happens. How do we get it out? With tongs. Well, we just saw how their relationship works. How do I get it out? With tongs!

16:20Can we get another set of tongs? Don't worry about it. Do we have a tong boy? How long? I don't know. So we've been cooking. I don't know who thinks of these things. Amanda. No, no. The bananas at the end. That's Amanda. Well, she has made these before. And I thought, hey, let's get that going on. OK. Oh, thank you. She has like blacksmith tongs. Those are fantastic.

16:51That's your favorite joke, isn't it? That's Beethoven's favorite fruit. Oh, no. Oh, so you just leave it in there. Is that the idea? Yeah. Okay, and then tomorrow morning someone cleans, someone puts a hose on that and cleans it out. A raccoon or an opossum. Now, do we wait? Is some, is like bananas supposed to leak out of this thing? How do we peel it? Do we need fire gloves? No one responded. She left. And by left, it means she left me. She took the kids. You know what? This is the lowest tier of show business right now. I have seen many of the great heights I have I have climbed the Alps and now here I am roasting a banana of that contains unknown ingredients it's wrapped in foil I could be there at the end and we're not even here we're here in an audio format and I've never been lower I am the lowest I can be yeah I'm just telling people that we're roasting bananas Somebody unwrap my man.

17:56These are cryogenic cocks that we are roasting. What? Just settle down, dude. It's all good. Don't call me dude. Beep, boop, beep, boop. Uh-oh, Sona's out of it. She's doing her beep, boop voice. She's doing her R2-D2 after a night at the pub. Thank you. Yours is smoking. Yeah. I don't know if that's good or bad. Thank you very much, Amanda. Thank you, Amanda. Amanda, you're the only person here I respect. All right, so. Oh, good. Thank you so much. Which one has the condensed milk? Which one has the Metamucil? Oh, this looks good. Oh, they're actually still in the peels. That adds to the crispiness.

18:35What is in here? It's banana, obviously. And what else? I see other ingredients as well. I love a cooked fruit.

18:48I love a fruit under duress. What do you have? You have the mystery one? No, I don't have the mystery one. You did get the mystery one. What's in mine? What do you think's in it? Well, I'm getting notes of LSD.

19:06Mine is great. Mine's really good. Mine is delicious. I think there is some marshmallow in here. It's fruit, so it's healthy. And some chocolate. Anybody? It's like an ice cream sundae. What is it, Marty? Anyone want to tell me what's in here? Okay, I don't quite remember, but I think... Well, that's great. I love it when a chef tells me, I don't know what the hell I put in there, but have a good night and get out of here. I think it's peanut butter, Nutella, jam, and nuts or something. There's also a lottery card in here. It's a scratch off. Oh, this is really good. This is very good. I have to say, I never heard of this treat before, but it's very good.

19:46We went camping and she made this. What happened? Are you okay? Hey, so you're here to tell us about life after a stroke. How are you feeling? I'm feeling a really active member of society. Oh, my God. This is, you know what? I mocked this dessert. Some would say I even belittled it. And now. It's delicious. I'm wrong. Here's what you do, folks. You take a banana. Yeah. You cut it open. Uh-huh. Jam a lot of shit in there that might taste good. Then you kind of push it together again. and then you wrap it in foil. You guys really got me. I'm the one who's off. I'm sorry, I could do eye surgery right now.

20:28You guys can't stand up. Any hoots, unbelievable. I could remove any obstruction over a cornea and the patient would be fine and I'd be awarded a Nobel Prize in medicine. while you two fools could not complete the simplest course. That was the best dessert I've ever had. Well, that's just stupid. No, it's not the best. That's not true. But it's really good. It's really good, but don't say it. When you say stuff like that, don't insult my wife. I'll slap you with a white glove. Okay. I'm just saying. Who, me or him? Both of you. I have two hands, you more dills. More dills. Okay, I'm going to put that down.

21:12Incredible. Well, these jeans need, they served as napkins. That's fine. I gave you a napkin. Yeah, and I used it, and then the jeans took over. Mmm, good water. I switched to water a while ago, ladies and gentlemen, and I think it's a responsible thing to do. Your alcohol glass is empty. It is not. Yeah, it is kind of empty. Oh, is that how you define empty? It's like mostly empty. That's melted ice. You got busted. Yeah, oh, I really got busted. You are two great, sad, broken, sad broken pool cleaning robots that can't function properly. What's that? You look amazing, Sona. Oh! I don't look amazing.

21:53I gained a lot of weight. I think the moment I stopped breastfeeding, because you could just burn calories producing milk, and then when I stopped, I just, because I eat a lot of chocolate, I gained it all back. All of it. I eat a lot of breast milk. Also, at night, I like, You know, sometimes I toke up a bit, sure. And then I get the munchies real bad. And then I'm like, what do we have in the fridge? This is the most disgusting folk song I've ever heard. And then I go in my fridge. And I look for a frozen pizza. And I put her in. Put her in the oven. First I preheat. Then I put her in. And I think, hmm, this is going to be good.

22:37but then I pull her out a little too early because I get excited and it's still a little cold because I didn't cook it all the way but I don't care because I'm a little stoned and I love that pizza but this pizza's better because Sola Stove sponsored this series and they make a good pizza oven the pie released on 314 alright you um I was on a run. I could have gone for a lot longer. I know you could have gone a lot longer. I also mentioned our sponsor. You did. You're welcome. Getting the bills paid around here. Are you worrying about paying them bills? Sometimes you worry about paying those bills.

23:25All right, listen. Okay. I want to thank you guys. I know you don't. When I say you guys, I mean the people that made this end. I want to thank the sun for continuing its orbit around the earth. We don't deserve the sun. And bring this to a successful close. Now, that was a little trick. You know what I said? The sun's orbit around the earth? Incorrect. It's the earth that orbits the sun. Nice job, Galileo. Well, that is my rap name. And I'll tell you this. If you pay attention every now and then, I put little clues in there, little puzzles, and you've got to solve them. You've got a nice... What are you playing over there?

24:11What is that thing? My guitar? No, I know. What is it? It's a tailor. Those are very beautiful. Those are very nice. What key are you working in, doctor? Are we in tune?

24:25No pick.

24:30Have we hit a new low? I would say new low. I would say that we were doing fine. We were flying high. But like Icarus, we flew too close to the sun. That's why I think it's good to call an end to things. You know? Okay. It's been a wonderful time here on the balcony of the Conoco building here at Larchmont. If you want to visit us, come by anytime. I won't tell you where it is. Yeah. We're basically a target. But come by. But come on by. But this was nice. I had a good time, didn't you, Sona? I did. I had a really good time. I don't think alcohol blends well with us sometimes. I think we are not responsible people.

25:12Can you speak for yourself? Eduardo, how do you think I'm doing? I think you've recovered nicely. Recovered? I never had an issue. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, he's right. He's right. Recovered over the... What are you talking about? Darbo, how you think I'm doing? Yeah. Oh, my God. I think Amanda should be starting the car. Yeah. Guys, seriously, let's wrap this up. Yeah, we guess. Because I think we've done enough. I want to thank everyone. I want to thank the good people at Solo Stove making this possible. I want to thank me for really making the whole thing possible. Oh, boo. Fuck.

25:50This is...