Summer S’pouses Episode 3: Tak Boroyan

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1:22Hi, my name is Tack Baroian, and I... Still adjusting to being Sonam Obsessian's spouse. Summer Spouses with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gorley. And Eliza Powell O 'Brien, Tack Baroyan, and Amanda Lund.

1:49How many years have you been married now? It's been 10 Wait are you being serious? No no no We got married in 2019 No 2018 Yes So dad Let me do my math Well we're gonna wrap this up This is already great We're gonna wrap this up We've been together for 10 I feel like Chuck Woolery right now Wait wait wait Okie's 8 years old So 8 years You're going off of Okie's age? That's how I know How many children you have? Well let's see Let's see There are two little beds um okay i'm gonna start this off yeah uh by um by saying that tack baroyan is one of the cooler people i've met in my life and i will guilty as charged i'm gonna give you the evidence this guy's super handsome cool graphic artist okay uh you've worked for tim and eric's company absolutely for 14 years.

2:46You are a sick guitarist. You've been in a bunch of bands. Okay. Toured. This guy emigrated in 1989 from Soviet Armenia, where you either did or didn't cause the plant, the power plant. We talked about this. You told me not to bring it up. I know. And you know what you said? You said, I never said he was responsible for Chernobyl. I never said that. Yeah. Roll the clip. This is the way I had always heard the story. Tack was on a school trip. They went to Chernobyl to see the plant. They said, don't touch anything. Tack said, what's in this room? And they said, Tack, you irrepressible scamp. You stay out of that room.

3:25Tack went in there, removed an important cooling rod and walked out of the reactor. It exploded, creating one of the worst nuclear disasters ever, after which Tack fled the Soviet Union, came to America, married you, And then you said, maybe we should get a microwave. And he said, who needs a microwave? Watch this. And he just put his hand over the food. Okay.

3:50Stupid. Okay, look, maybe I said that. But you emigrated from Soviet Armenia in 1989. How old were you at the time? I was 11. That's a tough time to emigrate. Yeah. Your whole world changed. Yeah, I was like, I was somewhat of a child. And then I was still a child when we came. And I didn't speak any English. I think it's the hardest thing in the world to do. What? Imaginable. I'm still struggling with that. True. No, to completely, especially at that age or any age, uproot and come to a different country and need to learn the language, the customs, everything. Yeah, it was tough. It was not easy at first, but, you know, when you're young, you adjust really easily.

4:34Did you make friends pretty quickly? Oh, yeah. Did you? Yeah. I want to because I still haven't I still haven't that couple yeah so were you a cool kid were you pretty cool no god no I only became cool when I started marrying Sona when I started marrying Sona yeah he's currently still marrying it's a long process still marrying yeah that's why he doesn't know how long you've been married it's not official yet here's what I remember like I said still adjusting here's what I remember very clearly okay I don't know how much you know but Sona was a, you know, it's a wild tornado at the show. Oh yeah.

5:13And she was a force of nature. I love Sona, but she was always getting mad at me for different reasons. And we would bicker and she would say, well, I'm not going to give you your messages because you need to, you know. I mean, crazy stuff was happening. Sure. And then one day she comes in and she's the happiest person in the world. And she was like, I met this guy. We used to do shows at Comic-Con. She said, I met someone at Comic-Con and the next thing I know, you're in the picture. And you she was immediately over the moon, happy. And then all of us were like, this guy, Tack, is the coolest guy ever.

5:53Then you guys get engaged. You have this wedding. I went to the wedding and I watched you guys come out. And I was like, that is the that is the Jack Kennedy and Jackie. you know like you're just like the high praise seriously like there's this like power couple well and you threw us an engagement party with like 150 of our closest friends and family that was fun I've never seen so many mustaches in my life and eyebrows I realize they all had one eyebrow between all of us they grew the one circular one it's like redwood trees that share roots I noticed like these guys all have to go in one car Well, we better go now.

6:37Yeah, just been a delight. And then you have the coolest. You have these twin boys. And they're super cool. Good looking. They're just going to lay waste to the world. They are. Mikey and Charlie. A lot of energy. A lot of energy. It's a lot. They're a handful, but they're so cute and they're so sweet. They are really sweet. Yeah, it's just the fighting. The constant fighting. It's constant. I always say I feel like I'm refereeing half the time at the house. I'm just like, ah! Yeah, yeah. You go there. You go there. Now, are you a cool dad or are you a dad that loses his temper? Which dad are you?

7:13I try not to, like, lose my shit, but I do, right? Yeah. It's hard not to. But, yeah, I try not to do it. It's just, like, so frustrating at times. You just got to remember that they're little. Mm-hmm. And don't take everything personally. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Again, these are skills I've not mastered. English, having friends, not taking things personally. I think I need a lot of work. Tell me about the music because you're really into punk music. Yeah. What are your inspirations? Who do you love? Oh, man, there's so many. Everything from like, you know, old school, like British punk, like, you know, Coxsparr, The Clash, Sex Pistols, stuff like that.

8:00and then like American bands Rancid, Dropkick Murphys you know that sort of thing they were on your show and you shred yeah you do, you shred you're too modest no you're modest, he shreds he's a really good guitarist for punk music I do okay but compared to metal guitar players or that whole circle I'm like a novice I'm told that when you go check out a punk band you'll jump in the mosh pit. Yeah, I do sometimes. I took Sona into the mosh pit, right? Yeah. Wait, how did that go, Sona? We went to Seacock's Bar in Santa Cruz. They don't come to LA, right? Because someone got stabbed. Yeah. Isn't that what happened?

8:44It happens. Yeah, it is. People get stabbed. It's written on the Cox Bar ticket. Yeah. You will be stabbed. And then he, there's like a code with mosh pits too. Like they're not, it's like violent, but also if someone falls, they create like a barrier. Am I doing this right? And then, but so like Tack just like kind of grabbed me and like took me in there and then the crowd of people just threw me around like a doll and then I got out and it was intense and scary and really fun. It looks violent and crazy but there is like a method to the madness. Like people watch out for everybody at least when I was going to shows, you know.

9:22As soon as somebody falls down that's like everyone sort of just jumps in and pulls them out. Right. Or her out. and then stabs them. The stabbing only comes later. You start mosh pits, don't you? I do. I love starting a good pit. Have you ever started a mosh pit and realized this probably isn't the environment for it? We're at a bar mitzvah. Your wedding. This is a bris. The moil is being bobbled around. He's still working on the kid. I think I got it. Oh, God. Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. I always wanted to start a mosh pit at a comedy show, though. Oh, yeah. That's a great idea.

10:03Yeah. So you're at Comic-Con. Yeah. And how did you, were you wandering around and you saw Sona? Yeah. This was after we had finished the shows for the week. I went back. You said, I'm going to stick around, you know, and check out some of the venues at Comic-Con. Is that right? I went to the actual convention. Yep. And I was walking around with my friend, David. He was walking around with his friend, Katie. And they knew each other. David and Katie just by chance shout out to David and Katie and we just ran into them by chance and did you know who Sona was in terms of the Conan I seen the Armenia episode like a few months ago before that and then I was like where did I know this broad from you know she looks so familiar yeah and I thought she was somebody's cousin at first I was like I uh it's like you're so and so's cousin and she's like yeah I am and then uh and then it clicked and then we started talking and I uh told her what a good job she did on the episode.

10:56That was a lovely episode. It was. You took me to a matchmaker. I took you to a matchmaker and little did we know that in a way it worked, right? In a way it did because you were on television with a matchmaker. We couldn't find you a good match. I think most of the people that the matchmaker was showing us, she was on her computer, she said, we have to wait for him to get out of prison. They were all 40 years older than you and they all look like they had had a rough couple of years. And then she did say like, oh, you got to wait. That's a really good episode. Yeah, that was a great episode. It was.

11:33And then because of that episode, because of the matchmaker, I got a lot of random requests, friend requests from guys. I was one of them. And he was one of them. Is that right? And so the next day, because we didn't exchange information, the next day I stalked him on Facebook and then I found him. He had requested me as a friend like months earlier. It was more of a thing like, I was like, how do we not have any mutual friends or relatives? Because we're in the same business. We're the same age, roughly. I'm a little older. And I was like, how is this possible? We never met. And then I sent her a friend request.

12:06Never heard back. And then when we got back from Comic-Con, I was like, well, hello.

12:13Game on. I think Zach swept you off your feet. He did. He's very gallant. Well, you met a lot of the guys I had dated before Tack. Yeah. Yeah. It was not that my standards were low. I'm not saying that. I'll let you say that when Tack showed up, it was a miracle. It was fantastic. What the fuck? What do you mean it was a miracle, though? It was fantastic. Why? Because he's like this, you know, dashing, cool guy who can do everybody's, you know, I don't know. I just say it was. And, you know, some of the other guys I didn't like. That's all I'm saying. You know, they were good guys. Yeah, no, it's okay.

12:53One of them had an air mattress in an alley, you know? Oh, God. That was a video game guy. They wanted you to drop them off at the methadone clinic. What are you talking about? What are you saying? You know the guy from the, who was playing video games when you showed up? Oh, yeah. But you know what? But I was like her, I was like a father figure. So I would say she'd come back from one of these dates and I'd say, well, how did it go last night? And she went, um, it was okay. I mean, I went to his house. He entered the door in his underwear. He said, I'm not ready to go out yet because I'm still playing.

13:27I'm on a new level of my video game. Can you just chill? And she said, okay. And he gestured to a beanbag chair and I sat in that. And he played his video game in his underwear and then said, well, should we just walk to like the Olive Garden and then we can split the check? And I was just like saying, no.

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15:40there's a lot to celebrate this summer so you gotta keep it classic with a Miller Lite yeah Miller Lite's been a true American pilsner in the original light beer since 1975 for 50 years Miller Lite has delivered the great taste beer lovers know and trust yeah it's the summer I hang out with my crew my pals we get on our hogs oh not motorcycles actual hogs yeah my friend Rodman has he just keeps hogs and you know what? Sometimes I crack a beer and it's gotta be a Miller Lite because that's what my posse demands. Yes. We have a good time, but we're a responsible good time, by the way. Yeah, you're not on your hog's bed.

16:15Yeah, if you're gonna ride a hog, and by that I mean a pig, you shouldn't be, you know, having an alcoholic beverage, but you slide right off and you say, hey, stay right there, oinky. I'm gonna have my Miller Lite. And it's like, oink, oink. And you're like, whatever, dude. High five me. And it gives you its little hoof. The hog high fives you? Yeah. These are trained. These are trained hogs. Okay. An All-American summer starts with an All-American beer. And what's that beer? It's Miller Lite. Go to MillerLite.com slash Kona to find delivery options near you. Do it now. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

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17:45He wooed me like the... A wooer. You're a wooer. How did you come important? What did you guys do for your first date? Our first date was at CityWalk. That's like Amanda and me. Yeah, it was an ironic CityWalk date, right? Yeah. We went to Hard Rock Cafe. and then we went to see a horror movie and I did the move you know like oh

18:13what was the movie? there's a couple of moves Lights Out I think was it? it was Lights Out yeah which I and I I hate horror and I told you I hate horror like but this one's good and I'm like alright I'll see I'm in charge I know it's this or video games these guys take me to Hard Rock Cafe Yeah, it was fun. It was really fun, obviously. Yeah, it was good. Married him. Had babies with him. We did all right. We did okay. We did okay. Yeah, and how are you adjusting to Sona's family? Let's talk about that. You've got Gil, who I love, Gil. Love, Gil. That's your dad, of course. Yes. Don't do it, Tad.

18:53Oh, sorry, Gil. What are you doing? You know what I love? Why are you encouraging him? When I do my Gil, I put a finger. He's got a pronounced mustache. I put a finger under my nose, And what I love is I blow on this corner of the finger to make it lift up a little bit. Love, Gil. Nadia. You know what Nadia said to me when she first met me in 2009? She said, Conan, rock USA. You rock USA. She said, you rock USA. Yeah. And I said, fantastic. She said that to me, too, for some reason. I thought it was special. But you do rock USA. Yeah, so, you know, you guys, do you have any questions, Matt? Do you remember I pitched that you and I do a podcast together one time?

19:38Yeah. Called Paris Toyka. So Paris Toyka. Where we just talk about the toys from our youth, mine in America and yours in Soviet Albania. Oh, but you know what? Don't you have some old Soviet toys from Europe? Yeah, this is why. Yeah, we bought some for the kids. We bought a Krokodil Gena and Chiburashka. Oh, who? Can you tell us? You don't know who those are? Oh, you don't? You don't know? You guys talk about Winnie Pooh. This is a rough, it's right in Stimpy. And Winnie Pooh, Winnie Pooh too. They're like, you know, Winnie Pooh is Winnie the Pooh, but the Russian version. Right. And he's got a smoker's voice.

20:14Yeah. It's like this. Yeah. You rock USA. It's Winnie the Pooh, but instead of like the 100-acre woods, he's in a line. He's in a line to get borscht. It was a beautiful children's cartoon. I'm sorry. what's the wolf one that one's weird oh nupagaji yeah that's like the tom and jerry of of uh soviet animation it's like a wolf and uh a rabbit always tries to eat them right and you know now it goes i know how it goes it's itchy and scratchy it's itchy and scratchy yeah but isn't it it's fascinating to me that it doesn't matter uh what the culture kids are going to want the same kind of stuff and the culture will provide that for them it will look different to us it will sound different but we want uh we want two characters that are trying to kind of kill each other that's it yeah once yeah one a crazy ugly one and one cute one and ah that's it and do your kids like these toys yeah i think so no they don't play with them anymore uh they sing so you press the button and they sing the songs from the cartoon do they look uh because these were made a long time ago right no these are like remakes oh they're remakes okay yeah what's the song crooky deal gonna sings i want you to sing i'm not gonna sing that let's move on okay all right all right well listen we've all had childhood toys i had um i had a mrs beasley doll um mrs beasley crazy reference family family affair uh listen you can that'll come right out and snip

21:53and we're back family affair yeah yes boy that'll that'll help we're talking about Mrs. Beasley no that's over no we cut that out oh and I know we didn't we did it's still in stop that stop that it's out it's out when am I gonna play music with you and what would I do anytime you want would I fit into because you know my vibe is sort of more rockabilly kind of thing so I don't know I've never really tried to play punk although I love The Clash Rockabilly and punk are kind of adjacent I mean it's funny I play Rockabilly so fast that it might sort of it's actually a genre subgenre called it's called Psychobilly I'm kind of a Psychobilly guy are you really?

22:37well a little bit in my youth I was more Psychobilly because I was just more insane believe it or not I have mellowed to me Psychobilly is like communism it like sounds good on paper but for some reason when i i hear it together i'm like i still think it could work yeah and we're gonna find out in manhattan real soon there's a there's a joke they say like rockabilly is like the retirement plan for punk rockers you know because they get older and they grow their hair yeah yeah yeah well maybe maybe that's me maybe that's me there you go maybe after all i am punk now sona is there anything grievances you'd like to air here or maybe tack you'd like to say well is something come on is there something that sona's doing around the house that you'd like maybe for her to alter her behavior a little bit this is a safe space we can talk about it yeah proceed how much time do we have yay yes yes

23:39now everything's great i one thing that drives me crazy is is sometimes I'd play certain kinds of music and Sona will get mad at me and like, where are you playing that many things? You play like... That's such a good Sony impression. Right? Spot on. Spot on. He plays like Megadeth for our five-year-old. No, we gotta learn sometimes. Megadeth is great. No, but like, there's some... What was the one that had a lot of like F-bombs in it? Like it was the one who just... The guy, the Irish guy who died like a couple years ago. Oh, the Pogues? The Pogues. Oh, Shane McGowan. Shane McGowan, yeah. Oh, he's got to hear, they've got to hear the post.

24:18But they were like three. You could barely make out what he's saying. No, no, I mean, Shane McGowan couldn't understand Shane McGowan. No, it's just like, I don't know what that is. They don't know what that is. Sorry, Shane, RIP. There's a lot of like, not age appropriate music he puts on. He's just so eager for them to like have the same music taste. I'm like, they're five. Are they, do you think they're going to be interested? Do they, oh, I've seen, you guys used to put on some music and then when it jumped in, it got fast. Yeah. They would both, I mean, they were like two at the time. It was a poke song.