Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson

26:23Don't give me a secret. If it's really important, I'll keep it. Wait, this is on which? On the ending of the whole series or? The ending of the first episode. This moment you blew that? I didn't blow it, but I did have loose lips, yes. I was talking to my friend, John Krasinski, and I was telling, he said, what are you doing next? So I said, oh, I'm working with your friend, Mike. Sure. You know, it takes place. It's in the afterlife. And I start telling him what it's about. And I can see him go, the office, but in heaven, you know, in his head. And I go, no, no, no, no, wait a minute. You don't get it.

26:58See, what happens at the end is blah, blah, blah, blah. And I gave away the whole secret. Into a megaphone. And then had to pretend in front of everybody in all these kind of cast meetings of let's keep this private. Please don't blow this. I go, yeah, no, no. Yeah, you're absolutely right. You want to take the lead in that. You want to send him and go, this is really important, guys. Listen up. Listen up. Because someone's been squawking to Krasinski, who I'm not a fan of and don't talk to.

27:31He's literally like one degree of separation from everyone. He knows every soul. Yeah. And, of course, Larry David. You work with Larry David. You've been such a big part of Cribber. We both worked with Larry. You were on this year, weren't you? Yeah, you were. I got to be on one. What was your bit on the show? Well, thanks for watching it. But you weren't in it, so I don't expect you would. But no. Did you watch mine, Woody? Did you watch my episode? Yours was great. What was your favorite moment? Did you like me as a magician? Oh, that was some top.

28:17That's so funny.

28:21You know, the thing with the scarves, man. All the scarves. I wasn't a magician. More scarves. I tricked you. Wow. Yeah, what was your episode? I do a thing where it was funny because I'm supposed to, I play myself, but I'm going on, I'm getting an Academy Award and then I do this whole thing where I talk about mistreatment of cows. And so then I'm, and then, you know, he wants to do a show with me. So I go over and I meet with him and then he's like, well, you know, pitching at the thing or something. And then I'm like, oh, this milk, you have, is that milk? And he remembers because he saw the, he says, oh, oh, no, no, that's, that's from my, my cow on my farm.

29:12And then, well, anyway, so I'm like, we should go out there and see the, and anyway, so things go bad out in the farm. And in the end of it, I'm like, I'm throwing cherries at him or something. and I'm saying, Ted Danson was right about you.

29:35I'm always the asshole on his show. But you know what's funny? But I improvised that. That wasn't his idea. Once again. Yeah. Once again. Hey, the Coen brothers were wrong. I know what you're thinking. You wanted to throw cherries at Javier Bardem in this emotionally packed scene. Can I tell you how wounded I have been over the years? I knew he was going to. Horribly wounded. I once pantsed him in front of a full audience, and he was his day of going commando or something. So it was very effective, and it pissed him off. But later, a year later, because he's like a killer, he waits, and he waits, and he waits.

30:11And he invited me to his premiere of his movie. It was Doc Hollywood. Hollywood. He's kind of a hick in the movie. And then at the end, all the, pardon the slang, hicks come to Hollywood, and they're sitting around watching. but he comes to me and he says Ted I really want you to come to my movie the premiere I so respect what you think and it would mean a lot to me and he just laid it on I was just so chuffed I felt yeah of course so happy my my new friend loved me this much and I and I show up and he says Ted over here sit right behind me right I got a great seat I saw I sitting right behind him God bless Woody Harrelson I love him so much the end of the movie comes and all the hicks are sitting around this coffee shop in Hollywood and you hear the last two lines are, oh, there's a movie star.

30:58And then was it you? Said, no, no, that's Ted Danson.

31:06The whole audience roared with laughter. And I had to, ha, ha, ha. Beautiful. It was deep. Beautifully done. Beautifully done. Revenge is a dish best served cold. All right. Well, on the theme of revenge is a dish best served cold. I've got a bone to pick with you. Thank you. Good. Here we go. What did I do? Well, let's say you guys are, uh, it was, I don't know how many, it was maybe six months ago. You guys are, uh, recording a podcast here and afterwards you're out in the hallway and you come up to me and we're chatting and you say, Hey, Conan, uh, how about going in 50, 50 with me on a houseboat in Amsterdam?

31:47And I never in my life said, yes, faster. Not because I want a houseboat, not because I want to be hanging out in Amsterdam, which is a fine place, but I wanted to be able to say, yeah, I co-own a houseboat with Woody Harrelson. I think that's in Amsterdam. I think that would be the coolest thing in the world to say. So I said to you, yes. And you went, well, you need to talk to your wife. And they went, nope, we're in whatever it costs. I don't care. I'm in. You went, well, that's great. That's great. because we're really thinking about doing this. And I said, well, I'm in. I'm in. I'm your guy.

32:21And you went, well, great. Great, man. This will be great. Come in. Don't see you for a while. Come in like two weeks later. And you're in this room interviewing Flea and Red Hot Chili Peppers. And you say, hey, man, you want to go in 50-50 on a houseboat in Amsterdam? And I'm out there and I'm like, asshole! Asshole! Conan. Just because Flea came along. Who's cooler than Conan? He came to me. No. But he changed the fucking city to Copenhagen. What? A houseboat in Copenhagen. What's going on? I'm serious. This is not a bit. Hey, America. I know. This is not a bit. What are you doing? Is there a houseboat?

33:02Is there a houseboat? And where is it? And now you've got Flea on the line. I'm on the line. Ted's on the line. We went. No, we were in Copenhagen after this. and Mary and I went to see the boat. It exists? Well, the one they were looking at exists. We took photos and selfies. Oh, no. You're still in this. I'm not still in it. No, no question. I'm not still in it. Well, nail them down on the city for good. You and me and Teddy. So Flea is just a passing fancy. It's Copenhagen. Yeah. I was so excited. It was gonna be like the third thing in my bio after I worked on The Simpsons. It's gonna be co-owns a houseboat with Woody Harrelson.

33:50And I didn't care if I took a total bath. I didn't care. I'd take everything I have and put it into that just to be able to say, and maybe have one experience where you and I are hanging out in the houseboat with our wives and it's not going well. And I just write it all down. I was dying to do that. And then flee, flee. Pee! Passing fancy. This is happening. Now, you, as a friend of Woody, should tell me, would that be a terrible mistake? Yeah. Okay.

34:23Bad idea. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's a true story. Oh, my God. I was all excited. This man broke my heart. By the way, I didn't know he'd come to you. Or Flea, for that matter. I just thought he'd come to Mary and myself. And here's the thing. Once this goes out, once this podcast goes out, people are going to be left and right all over Hollywood. And probably in parts of the world where people aren't even in show business are going to say, no, no, he came to me. That man come to me. I say, how about that? He was on the cheers at the Woody. Why? Why are you doing this? What perverse, sick pleasure do you get out of this?

35:01I know it sounds a little twisted when you put it like that. I don't remember that whole flea thing that was, as I said, passing fancy. But you, me, Teddy, we're going to have a houseboat. One and a half shares. I am in. Adjust your sights to Copenhagen. I am in. I would check with your wife. I would check with your wife. Guess what? Guess what? Nothing. Check with your wife. No, no, you're right. How many times I'd be like in that situation, oh, believe me, I wear the pants in this relationship.

35:43Do you guys enjoy doing the podcast together? Yes. I'll speak for us. I haven't seen them for a while. You're not in all of them. I'm going to be clear about that. You're there on some, and then in some, your hot air balloon crashes, and you can't get to the studio. So you're there for some. But you guys have a great chemistry. It's really fun. Yeah. Yeah, and Woody's friends with the world and the people that have come in because of Woody has been this really a treat for me. I got to meet so many new folks. And we get to reminisce and we laugh. And I love you. I love you. I'm getting teary again.

36:19I love you, brother. Yeah. Bastard. Amsterdam. There's always the I love you followed by bastard. It's such a fine line between love and hate. It can be both. They can coexist. Well, anyway, I love doing it. I love our podcast. It's not one of those show watch podcasts where you watch episodes and talk about it. I'm sure people would like that, but I actually think this is more fascinating to hear you guys. You're just great at shooting the shit and talking to people. There's some reminiscing, but it's very, very, you know, here and there. I think the conceit was, hey, let's hang out together.

37:01We miss each other. Let's catch up with each other. And I'll share my friends and he'll share, you know, we'll share friends with each other. And that was kind of the conceit of getting together. Because the truth is, it's to hang out with each other. Right. Yeah. If you can turn a friendship. Into moneymaker. I wasn't going to go that way. Sorry. We'll cut. No, no, no. We're going to keep that in because that's essentially what it is. How can I monetize this friendship? I do think though the big I mean there's not a day that goes by where I don't realize that most of the things I've done in my career whether it was a late night show or any of the shows I've written on or the podcast or the travel shows I'd be doing that anyway you'd be doing what?

37:46I'd be doing that job I would not be monetizing it I want to make it clear I've always refused to take any payment for any of my work in comedy any Oh, it's amazing how you can get by them. Oh, in comedy, but that works out though, right? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Oh, Jurette's hit! Yay! Oh, my God! The SS Conan sinking beneath the waves. Steam and hot oil pouring from the portholes. Oh, my God. New patron saint. I wouldn't have lasted three seconds on Cheers. No. I'm glad. Oh, it was a tough group, though. Boy. We used to, towards the end, when guest stars would come, at first we would all over them.

38:29We'd give them mugs and we'd take them to lunch and we'd do all of this stuff. Towards the end, it was like, I hope you can swim. Basically is what we would say to them. We'd have our straws smitten. Oh, my God. Yeah, you guys would shoot spitballs at each other all the time. Not at each other, at a specific target. You'd open your mouth as wide as you could to give them a target. And then every once in a while, you'd get one in the back of your gullet. Did you ever do this on a line? Who groaned? Who groaned? I did. Really? Spitballs? Spitballs in the mouth? In the mouth. No. That's the best way to transmit the disease.

39:03We would sit across from each other like this, and you have yours. I have mine. You start. You open. I missed. It goes here. Then you go, and you keep going back and forth. Did this ever show up? Does this ever show up on camera if you're looking at old episodes? I swear that I thought it was George Wendt. Yeah, George has spitballs in his hairline. I thought that was a skin condition. No, no, okay. One of the things during rehearsal, if somebody was having trouble with a hefty amount of dialogue, we'd all go, we'd all look at each other and go, we'll be there for you on the night, pal, and then just pepper the spitball.

39:45Relentless. And then they remember to do that thing, you know, Georgie was the best at it where he just closed one eye as he's talking to you like the camera's over him so you can't see it it's the simplest thing but god damn it starts to get funny if the guy keeps you know did you guys have a ritual after the taping you know if the booze ball booze and or maybe not so much booze but definitely pot booze ball and pot okay that sounds like a fun ritual Well, I was in the one show a day business. Yeah, you can't. We had a party the first night we did one in 1993. We were all hung over the next day and realized, if this goes well, we have 30 more years of peace to do every day.

40:30We can't have any parties. But you could Friday night. No, everyone was just too broken. Yeah, and they would go. Everyone just wanted to get away from each other. So we never had that. You know, you'd have a Christmas party or something, but never had that, which I would think, in that kind of television where you're making, what 22 a year and it's these these weeks 26 sometimes 26 24 yeah 26 24 22 bounced around oh but you you were not just performing you were writing you don't you got to have all your brain cells firing to do that we could know what we were doing yeah not exactly sorry yeah oh all brain cells firing from the masturbating bear do we get a good shot of what's going on with woody here i know yeah you should see no just a little by the way wrapped by mr danson wrapped by dancing rbd yeah i'm looking at your socks uh yeah you do that phonetically it makes us anyway drink more of your blood um you got Put your weed socks on.

41:44And then you have your own dispensary. Is that the idea? Right down the road. I haven't seen you there yet. No. What's the address, Woody? Well, you know, you can just come and hang out in the Ganja Giggle Garden. Yeah, it's right there. I would love to be in Dumois once for being in the Ganja Giggle Garden. Yeah. Instead of always, here he's having sushi. There he is chatting up some people and taking selfies when they don't want selfies. A little bit sick that way. The Gunja Giggle Garden you have at your... It's spectacular. It's got koi ponds and macaws. It's beautiful. It's like you're in the tropics or something.

42:21It's right down Santa Monica, just east of Sweetser. Okay. I'll check it out. This is the guy who won't do commercials on the podcast, but except for... Except for promoting the woods. The woods, yeah. And also Holy Water. Now, there's a bar, too, under the same roof, but... But separated by law. Separated by all the nonsense the government insists. But it works. It works. No, it works great. It's actually beautiful. You should go. Okay. I'm going to go. It's the most beautiful dispensary ever. For sure. I don't go to a lot of dispensaries, and I have nothing against it. It's just that in your experience, Sona, you've noticed that it doesn't, when I've tried.

43:01It doesn't hit you. It doesn't hit me. It somehow doesn't fit my personality. You're large. I metabolize it very quickly. Yeah. And turn it just into more self-hate. inhaling oh i think you're supposed to blow it at other people oh yeah i gotta get into it because you're a gummy person sona i but i do it all yeah i don't discriminate you move to gummies you're gonna have to come i do i absolutely do and i want to i live in altadena so i it's hard for me to it's a little but you know what maybe right here it's literally seven minutes from here. That's great. That's great. We're trying to get her to work.

43:38Oh, she'll be, she'll be in the giggle garden, the ganja giggle garden. So Ted, you find the gummy, the gummy relaxes you. Yeah. It's also, I'm, I'm not trying to put smoke in my lungs anymore. So, uh, the gummies work. Yeah. The gummies, the gummies work. I take gummies to go to, not to go to sleep, but to stay asleep. You can get the CBD with THC combo and it really helps, really works. And you've done that for years, Sonia. You've always said to me, you're gummy and you got a great night's sleep. Oh, I love my gummies. Now, when you were breastfeeding, no gummies, right? No, no, not, yeah, no.

44:15And when I was pregnant, no gummies. But as soon as I was done. What a purist. Well, you know. That's true. I don't know. I don't want to get my babies high, do I? I don't know. They could have been, she had twins. And then what if they were born and they high-five each other on the way out? On the way out? I don't know. No, they're just immediately, they're born cool. You know, they're just like, they're relaxed. They saunter out. There's little leather jackets waiting for them. Yeah, they slip. No, they come out in the leather jackets and they high five and they saunter. Yeah, okay. They've had a really good nine months sleep.

44:48That's true. Yeah, start as you mean to continue, you know, get them. That's a really good idea. You know what I mean? You know, Woody, I sometimes wasn't sure you'd have the best advice, but I think that's very good. Give them some now to see if it'll help them sleep. Yeah. Why not? One milligram. Two. What's that going to hurt? Says the guy with two ice packs on his body. Yeah. So the guy who. Slowly seeping. Basically ate a Tesla about an hour ago. And is covered in bandages. He's saying, do as I do.

45:25Ironically, not high. You see how we're on camera with this. Tell the truth. Is it starting to ache a little bit elsewhere? No, it's starting to ache less. It was quite aching. This hand was just feeling, man, I cut it open in several places. Do you think you should go to the hospital? I mean, I know talking to me is a priority, but do you think that maybe it would be a good idea to get it checked out? I feel like Dr. Danson took care of everything for me. Thank you, bud. Yeah. Love you, man. But yeah, I will need some form of painkiller, no question. I understand. I did decide to quit. I just came back from San Francisco the night, or no, yesterday.

46:08Those two days I had, I'm like, I'm done. I'm done smoking. I'm done drinking. I'm not doing any of it anymore. And then after this accident, I'm like, I'm getting back on the phone. You might have been, if you hadn't quit for two days, you might not have hit the Tesla. when you think about it. Maybe you tensed up and everything because you weren't in an altered state. Tensed up. Well, we have terrible ideas on this podcast. We're telling people all kinds of shit. You wouldn't have been in that motorcycle accident if you had been sober. But the guy was great. The guy was so cool. The Tesla man.

46:47Hi. Sorry, I said it wrong. Well, first of all, it was his son's car, so he was feeling bad about that part of it. It wasn't even his car. but he was the coolest guy his name's ben and he's like trying to get me so he says all right what what is your number so i can and i said well i don't i don't have a phone and he's like you don't have a phone it sounds really evasive my life because you don't you do not have a cell phone you never have no i know i have i had it until four and a half years ago and i got rid of it so i was already seeming evasive to him and then he's like well okay what is your insurance And I say, I don't know.

47:25Are you serious? Like, I would know what my, so that was tough. And then he says, and then he wants my, you know, he wants to see, okay, show me your license. Show him my license, which I'm a Texan. It's a Texas license. And he's like, well, don't you have an LA license, a California license? No, I don't have. Well, luckily, anyway, we used his phone, called my wife. She came and then she cleared everything up. He recognized you immediately, yes? He did once I took the helmet off, yes. Okay, so this guy's in his Tesla. He's taking a left turn. Cthank, cthunk, cthunk. Oh my God, he gets out. And there's a guy lying there, takes off his helmet.

48:11I didn't take it off immediately. For a little bit, I had to get, shall we say, the mandatory lecture. Why are you passing me on the left? Why would you do that? I shouldn't have. But why? Right. And anyway. Then you take it off. Then we had the bike. Oh, by the way. How was your bike? You find out how nice people are. There's so many people stopped. Are you okay? Yes, yes, please. People are like, it's a long line of cars going both directions, you know, like slowing down. And I don't know if they're lucky or lose, but it seemed like many were trying to be helpful. And then we tried to push the bike, but the bike, somehow the brakes are just locked up on that bike, front and back wheel.

48:57So we're trying to move it and it's pushing against the brakes. So it was just to get it the few feet out of the road. It's still sticking a little bit in the road. Honestly, at a certain point, couldn't push it anymore. And the guys, and then I take off my helmet and he goes, oh, I know you. He says, I can't remember your name. Of course. And then we started talking, and he was actually a very nice guy. He had really the best joke of the day, which was, you know, after Laura came and she showed him the insurance card and everything, and I said, you make sure you have the number. And he goes, yeah, but you're married.

49:42Nice.

49:46and Laura left. He's cool. I'm going to hang out with him again. I think I know, I think you, I know what your opening line's going to be. Have I got a houseboat for you? It's going to be, Oh man. I'm going to show up at that houseboat and there's a guy that, Ben's going to be there. You and I will be in scuba equipment drilling holes in the boat. Wiley coyote holes in the bottom of the boat. Woody, for God's sake, take care of yourself. All right. Because you are, you are beloved. People love you and just take care of yourself. Thank you. Sure. All right. And go slow. Don't pass on the left. Just, just be careful.

50:26Okay. Okay. Sure. And I want to tell you both honor to sit here with you and talk to you both. Hilarious and just a great hang. I mean, really it's a, it's a treat and I'm looking forward to your show. I know the first one just dropped. They're coming fast and furious now and I wish you nothing but success as my people say Mazel Tov. Mazel Tov to both of you. Thank you. Mazel Tov to you and your people. I don't know what. But seriously, uh, it's, it's just cool to sit in a room with you guys. It's very cool. Thanks very much. Thank you very much for doing this. And I think we should, uh, get you some real medical attention.

51:09Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. Slap in the face. Yeah. We're going to get George Quentin here, who apparently just graduated from some Wisconsin medical school. We want to let people know that on our show, we also interview Conan. That's right. That's right. And I think a wonderful interview. Beautiful. Beautiful interview. Yeah. Very respectful. That's not how I remember it. Respectful. I remember going home crying, weeping, but yes. And I'll do it anytime. Anytime you guys, you know, on our show back in the day, when a guest fell through at the last minute. My first guest was always Al Roker. I'll be your Al Roker.

51:45Anytime you need, anytime someone falls through, I'll come in. Thank you, sir. Can we not get Al? Oh, I see. Aim higher. Assholes! Assholes!

52:08we're gonna do something a little different right now matt gorley could not be with us uh today he's out buying spats i think which was a popular covering of a shoe from the 1930s um it takes all day yeah he's uh he's he's going all over pasadena to get really authentic spats but um because mackerel is not here uh you know when life gives you lemons they say you should try and make lemon juice so isn't that the saying it's lemonade isn't it some sort of juice juice of the lemon i think is what you say anyway no it's lemon when life gives you lemons you should crush the lemons no and the secretion then should be put into a glass don't say secretion the secretion word is what ruined that for you.

52:55Okay, let's move on. Yeah. No, let's keep mining this. You'll get there. When life gives you sour fruit, harvest that fruit and crush it to make a bitter tasting juice. Listen, because Matt Gurley isn't here, David Hopping is filling in. Hello, David. Hi. Now, David, fair to say you are pretty much my full-time assistant now that Sona has twins. Why are you saying no? I mean, he It is. Well, yeah. It just feels like a dig is coming at me. There's no dig. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Pretty much does everything for me. I taught him everything. Oh, no, no, no. He taught me everything.

53:34You text me sometimes when the car is in front of my house to take me to the airport. We never did switch that over. We never switched that over. There's a lot of things my phone number is still associated with. Yes. So I won't hear from you for a long time. And then suddenly I get a text. Your car is waiting for you to take you to the airport. Yeah. And the phone number so you can get in touch with whoever is driving you. Yes. That's called assisting. Yes. And that is what I'm doing. Okay. Well, listen, thank you for that. I don't know, 200 things I need in my life. That is one. And thank you.

54:07You're welcome. Now, but when it comes to getting my creams, my balms, my ointments. Actually, Sona's number is still on a lot of things. Yeah, I am. Sona follows along anytime I do something. I do. Various potions and powders that keep me looking pretty. Yeah. Help my body stay healthy. My number is still associated with a lot of those. So then I'll take data. Do you ever get a call and you're like, Conan's on that? Yes. Because, you know, as I start to fall apart. Oh, start. It's rough. Well, I'm sorry, but, you know. There's so many filters on. Various orthopedic structures are applied to my body.

54:39Anyway. Huh? Your orthopedic structure? Braces. Neither of our numbers are on for now. Well, I think Adam gets those. I don't know why. Anyway. I want to talk to you, David, because as you know, I don't really go on social media much. Right. I'm pretty ignorant of what's going on out there. I know TikTok's a big thing. It is. I don't really go on TikTok. And I'm just curious, do I have any presence on TikTok? Am I someone who's on TikTok? Because I don't put things on TikTok. How does it work? Well, first of all, you technically are on TikTok because there's the at Team Coco account. Okay. So that's something I'm, and this is, by the way, I feel, uh, not that we ever get political here, but, um, it's when they quiz Trump about his businesses and he goes like, I had no idea.

55:28I'm actually have no idea. I have no idea that we have an amazing social team here. Incredible. Uh, Blay, Ruthie, Sam. I mean, just, they're killing it. Yeah, they are. You guys kill it. Uh, and, um, they do an incredible job making me look cool. I don't know about these things, but they put stuff on TikTok. I mean, there's a good chance that you right now talking about not knowing you're on TikTok is on TikTok right now. OK. OK. Yeah. You know, thank you, Chinese government. I hope I please my overlords. You don't like to get political or anything. No, I just I wish to please. Shout out to the Chinese government.

56:10Well, I'm sorry. You know, I know it's what. Yeah. Back to your presence Am I on TikTok? You are Okay And what kind of ways Would I be on TikTok? Would they just be showing Clips of things? I just want to know Yeah, clips from the podcast Clips from the TVS show But then you also have Like fans on there Cool Let me pull up Okay One second You should do those dances Which dances? You should do one of those Like synchronized dances That they do for TikTok Right You know how old I am, right? I do Yeah Yes I just think it's cool Nope, you don't. You just want to see me make a complete ass of myself.

56:47He has a dance other people have emulated, the string dance. Oh! That's a very famous dance that you - I was doing those 30 years ago. You were TikToking before TikTok even happened. Exactly! Maybe I invented TikTok and maybe I invented China. Maybe I went too far. There's probably a statue of me in Beijing. Conan, the first TikToker. All right, what are you doing now? Take your time with the phone, by the way. Thank you. Well, for some reason, I'm not on the Wi-Fi. So now I'm... So there's this trend where people are saying who's a male celebrity that they would feel safe alone in a room with.

57:25And a lot of people are, for some reason, saying you. Wait a minute. I don't know how to feel about that. That just means they see me as what? Not a threat. Not a threat. Well, I want to be thought of as... Well, not as a threat in a bad way, but just like, oh, I don't know. I might lose control if I was in a room with Conan O 'Brien. Oh, like they might lose control around you, but that you would not lose control. Oh, no, I would not lose control. Yeah. I'm very afraid of any sexual situation. So anyway, so what they're saying is that they, that's a good thing, right? It's a good one. Women are saying they would feel safe around me.

58:01Yeah. Well, they should because I'm completely inert. Aww. No, I'm not. Come on. No, yeah. I'm just kidding around. Watch your ladies, guys. Yeah. You're going to be in a room with your lady and their pants are going to fall off. Is that what you want? No, I just think it would be nice. Sometimes if people say, it's like that old thing where, you know, a bunch of women in a room and they go, oh, Conan, you're just one of the girls. You can gab with us. That feels terrible. And then you look down and you're wearing a bikini. Why? Well, because you put it on because it made you feel like your true self.

58:38Wait, what's happening? You want to be like the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. You want the girls to be like, yeah. No, no, no. I have realistic expectations, or should I say sexpectations. This is why. This is why. Oh, it just came in. No one feels safe anymore. Just change. Well, ladies, I'm glad you feel safe around me because. I don't know. I don't know that that's a, you know. But like if Brad Pitt got on the elevator, it would be a charged environment, right? Yeah. You know? Or Austin Butler. The environment would change. What they're saying is if I got in an elevator and Conan O 'Brien was on it, there'd be no change in the atmosphere.

59:21Who said elevator? They just said a room. Yeah. You just put yourself on the elevator. You're creating scenarios in your mind. Yeah, I think that's a common one. You're on an elevator. Okay. Someone else gets on. You want to make sure they feel safe. You're fantasizing about being in an elevator with Brad Pitt. Or Brad Paisley. Or Brad Garrett. It just has to be a Brad. What you're saying is you're like sexual insulation. Yes. I'm a foam that blocks out and neutralizes any sexual energy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a foam. What else is going on in TikTok? Okay, well, there's like fan accounts. There's this one that pops up a lot.

1:00:05It's called Just Bits and Pieces. And they do a lot of compilations of U2 and not the band. Sona and I. Yeah. Not the band. They did this one that's kind of like a thirst trap of Conan. What? What? What's a thirst trap? You'll see in a sec. Oh, wow. Look at that clip of me from a long time ago. Oh, this is like they're looking at you in a sexual way. Yeah, there you go. Even I'm aroused. Oh, check you out. I have a beard and I'm drinking wine. Hey, at Bits and Pieces. God. Hey, Bits and Pieces. You got the right idea about Conan O 'Brien. That's a guy. I want that guy out there. And from Bits and Pieces on TikTok.

1:00:48Where do you think he got those clips from? They're out there. Yeah. I know, but that could change my profile a little bit. From being sexual insulating foam to, you know, a guy. who's a real man's man. I feel like you need to come up with some kind of TikTok trend for people to do. That's probably a good idea. Do you have any ideas? Because this is not something I'd be good at. Sona, do you have an idea for a TikTok trend? I mean, aren't the trends a lot like dances or like sound bites? Like sound bites that people talk over and do things with? I have no idea. So I turn to you, Sona, and you don't know what you're talking about.

1:01:31No, I don't. There's a lot of challenges out there, you know like oh hey like remember there's that big thing the cinnamon challenge where you took a Spoonful of cinnamon the cinnamon there's like a lot of challenges so you could do a challenge something maybe that yeah You're good at that you're challenging other people how about it? Yeah, how about my challenges you get nine hours of sleep? And then it's just footage of me sleeping for nine hours, but like really cool music is playing in the background I think that the max you can do is like a 10 minute video. Yeah, but little clips of me at different parts of the night, just getting a good sound nine hours of sleep.

1:02:06The well rested challenge. That's my challenge. The Conan O 'Brien well rested challenge. Yes. That's what we're gonna do. That's what everyone wants. Yeah. Watch out for that ladies. A before and after. So like, you know, you're like, okay, I'm Erin Blurred. I'm gonna take the well rested challenge. Then I take, and then I show clips of me sleeping. And then how do I look after? Am I well rested? You're glowing? No, you just look well rested and you say that was very satisfying. And that's it. Can you sleep for nine hours? Not really. I used to be able to, but not anymore. You can't do your own challenge.

1:02:36I know. I wake up a lot in the night and think, why, why, why? That's all the clip is? You're starting a challenge you can't do yourself. I'm not going to be able to do it myself. That's why I like this challenge. All right, David, thanks for stopping by. Of course. I think you helped. And Sona, thank you for always letting me know when a car is going to take me to the airport. Good job. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sona Mavsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

1:03:15Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. me?

1:03:23Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.