The Body Politic Part II

0:02With the U.S. Bank Smartly Visa Signature Card, you earn an unlimited 2 % cash back on every purchase. Huh, that's a good deal. Yeah. No quarterly activations, no categories to track, just unlimited 2 % cash back on every purchase. Sona, just the other day, I bought you this antique wig stand. Oh. And I didn't get cash back and I regret it now. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, that's a very thoughtful gift. Do you wear a wig or is that your hair? Absolutely not. It's definitely my hair. And so it's kind of insulting you would buy that gift for me. Well, I'll just return it anyway. But I do wish I got cash back.

0:37Yeah. Visit usbank.com slash smartlycard to learn more. The creditor and issuer of this card is U.S. Bank National Association, pursuant to a license from Visa USA, Inc. Some restrictions may apply.

0:52Don't freak out, but there's an island in the Caribbean that loves both of you, David, Sona. And I think I'm loved too. It's called Aruba. It's the most welcoming place on earth. Have you been to Aruba? I haven't. It's fantastic. Yeah. Now, that's the good news. This island loves you. Here's the bad news. You can't feel any of that love from your sofa or your desk or whatever heavy machinery you're operating. You got to fly on down there, walk on its beaches and soak in the sun, and then you'll feel that love. That's how you have to do it. I'm giving you both time off. I'll fund the whole thing.

1:21Oh. Wow. And you got to get to Aruba because when you love Aruba, it loves you back. Plan your trip today at Aruba.com. Offer a free vacation for Son and David. Not real. What?

1:37Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit TeamCoco.com slash Call Conan. Okay, let's get started. We are back for Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan for a part two with a guest, which I think is like the first time we've ever done this. I think it was the first time because we started talking, what grace does fascinates me grace is a uh body modification model and tattoo artist she's talking to us about body modification uh we've in the previous episode which you've got to listen to uh before you listen to this one you talked about many things you talked about having your eyes tattooed purple you removed your belly button you have a split tongue uh you've have various face cuttings, which we haven't even discussed.

2:21And then, of course, we got into what you might suggest for me, which involved splitting my penis in half. You screwed them. Yeah. No, the shaft. Yeah, piercing. The shaft, and let's just call it a shaft. The shaft would be cut in half, and then the scrotie would be separated. I guess if you're making two, they would become scrotie. Wow. Yeah, I just love saying scrotie. Let's make sure we get that grammar right. And then you can't split an infinitive or a scrotie. So anyway, and then we ended on a bit of a cliffhanger. Sona, do you want to restate your question for Grace? I thought when Grace was describing the penis split, that when it gets erect, it just naturally comes back together.

3:10Yeah, it's a transformer. It just suddenly becomes a monster truck. You want the girth in there. Or you want the girth. Yeah. I don't want, you don't want the half. You want the girth. You want the whole thing. So I was like, do you tie it together with something? How does someone, a guy perform the act, intercourse, if you will? How does he perform that act if his Don Johnson is split in half and one's going slightly to the right and they're at a 45 degree angle to each other? Or is that a new kink? Is that a new way to please women? Maybe it is. I think that depending on the anatomy, it's probably going to have some difficulties in having conventional sex.

3:56But I also think that men who are interested in cutting their dicks in half aren't interested in conventional sex. Probably. I see. Probably not even interested in sex. Oh, interesting. I think the desire to have, you know, if your desire to split your penis is so great that you actually do it, it's got to be greater than having, you know. Right. It's going to be going into the unknown of like, I have no idea what my sensitivity is going to be like after this. I don't know if I'm going to be able to have sex the way I used to have sex. Well, you know, in that sense of like general intercourse.

4:36like yeah but yeah it's i also just to say like in my experience most of the people that have a lot of extreme genital modifications especially men are usually people who don't have any other visible tattoos or modifications and usually are in like pretty corporate high power jobs interesting Wow. Where's Adam?

5:04Adam Sachs couldn't be here today. He says he's actually he's in Europe right now. This is true. He's in Europe. He said he's in Europe with his family. But I saw his wife yesterday at the Erewhon with his kids. So I don't know what's going on, but he might be next time we see him. This is really fascinating. So I feel like Grace is saying, I wouldn't meet one of these guys just at a bar I'm at. No. And he would not be interested in me, probably. Well, first of all. I don't think split dick guys want this. I'm kind of. Split dick's a great name for a band. Yeah, it is. Isn't it? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, split dick.

5:44Split dick. No, and then it's just soft acoustic rock. I wonder why I love you every day. and more with like really beautiful harmonies. More and more, I see you now, see you now. We'll be back with more Split Dick.

6:05Split Dick will be appearing at the Newport Folk Festival next week, don't miss them. It's Ron on dulcimer and Jeremy on the 12-string nylon guitar. Those are just the names for the two halves. Dick. Split dick. Grace, this is just fascinating. As much as I want to stay with the genitals, and I do love to hang with the genitals, I do know that you've, is that for me, by the way? That's from last time. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't know why it didn't come off. You know what I mean? Don't be Ronaldo, be Messi. Oh my God. Sorry, sorry. Don't have people hate you. Have people love you. Oh my God. Now I'm going to stay on the genitals just because I think this is what fascinates me.

6:54I have follow-up questions. Okay, go for it. Are you planning on anything new, Grace? Or do you feel like you've arrived at where you'd like to be? Yeah, I don't think I would get any more body modifications. I think I'm kind of done. But the only thing in that realm that I would do, I know I'll do again, is the body suspension. What's that? When people hang from hooks. Wait, what? That are like in their bodies, right? In their skin, right? Wait, excuse me. I don't under, I've not heard of this. People are suspended from hooks that go into their skin. That's like a medieval torture. How does that not hurt like crazy?

7:38It's actually the most euphoric and blissful experience that I've ever had. You've done it. You've done it. I've done it multiple times. Yeah. So where did the hooks go? uh the first time I suspended I just had two in my back so kind of like above the below your traps above your shoulder blades yeah but I didn't like it I felt very constricted and then one of the there was this girl called Alice who used to facilitate all the suspensions back in the day and she was like Grace you need to be upside down there's nothing better so then I did my first knee suspension. They put two hooks either side of your knee.

8:19In the skin? In the skin? In the skin, yeah. I can't believe the skin doesn't give way. I know. It's incredible. I think the body is so cool. Unbelievable. Yeah, it's unbelievable how strong your skin is. Like, if it's pierced, obviously it has to be pierced under the epidermis and go through all of the layers. And it has to, you know, throwing hooks, they call it, is like something you have to have done by someone who knows what they're doing. And it's not something you can just do yourself in your back garden. But it's honestly incredible. I've seen people of all different shapes and sizes suspend.

8:55And what is it? You said there's this feeling of euphoria. Do you really feel like you're floating? Is that it? Do you feel like you're free of gravity? Yes. It's, yeah, it's like the most blissful. obviously there's an element of pain when they put the hooks in that's a bit of a you know moment you've got to brace yourself for and then when you first get lifted up some people go up really slow some people go up really fast I like to just get up there and get it done um because that is the uncomfortable part but once you're up there you just have to kind of relax like getting a deep tissue massage you know like relax the body deep breaths and then this kind of wave of calm and euphoria just kind of like floods over you and being upside down and being because I like to some people just like to be static I like to be swung around you know people holding my hands and like swinging me around so I'm just like you know a little ribbon on a maple um and yeah it's just it feels incredible that's so cool there's like a lot of medical obviously right like a lot of people who do this have to have some expertise like are they nurses or doctors who just just feel figure out how far the body can i'm going to bring up one word infection so if you're putting any i would guess you'd want people who are sterilizing everything before you want someone who has like a piercing background or who has been doing this for a long time and you know all all hooks and needles needles are single use hooks are sterilized in autoclaves you know like tools are for surgery like you want someone who knows exactly what they're doing when it comes to the levels with like the ropes and getting everything sorted and like actually the rigging of it so yeah you don't just want to like wing it or go to someone who isn't experienced usually there's like crews so like suspension crews will stick together um like a group of people like Like in Europe, there are like really, really like radical suspension and body modification, like subcultures and like groups of people.

11:06When I was coming up in it, we were doing suspension. But like nowadays, people were doing like free fall suspension. So instead of like, you know, pulling yourself up gently, people are literally jumping off bridges and doing like bungee swings. But instead of being. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. I am quite certain that if I jumped off a bridge with these hooks in me, you'd hear a tearing sound and a skeleton would go shooting into the Thames and a freckled body bag with a red pompadour would be hanging like a popped balloon. A freckled body bag. A freckled body bag would be hanging over the Thames, flapping like the flag for a really fucking sad country.

11:58I'm quite certain that would happen.

12:08College students don't get enough credit. That's my opinion. Yeah. I mean, they get credit for courses, but there's more that they're mastering, like mastering microwaving. focusing on fashion, getting a bachelor's in beauty products. That's where Walmart Plus comes in because college students get 50 % off a Walmart Plus membership. Who knew? I didn't know. No one told me. I'm out of the loop. Yeah. Plus Walmart Plus members can choose between Peacock or Paramount Plus at no additional cost. That means you can host a movie night in your apartment, stream the new action film everyone's raving about.

12:40I've got to see that film. Well, guess what? I've got Peacock or Paramount Plus. Hey, thanks, pal. If you forgot to buy popcorn and somehow the soda's gone, no problem. Free same-day delivery means snacks show up without leaving the couch. That's nice. You just keep lying on your couch. You don't even move. That's the best. Well, it's a problem if too many people do it. America loses this initiative. Conan, stop it. From last-minute class supplies to late-night study fuel, Walmart Plus fits into college life in a way that feels almost unfairly convenient. Yeah. Too convenient if such a thing is possible.

13:14Every Walmart Plus member knows it's a membership that pays for itself. Try Walmart Plus free for 30 days,$35 minimum for free delivery. Separate registration required for video streaming choices. Terms apply.

13:29September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, and Team Coco is teaming up with Hyundai, hope on wheels, in a fantastic way. Children fighting cancer are the real warriors. That's why Team Coco is donating memorabilia to a special charity auction benefiting Hyundai Hope on Wheels. Hyundai Hope on Wheels has supported children's families, doctors, and researchers since 1998 by funding childhood cancer research and raising public awareness. Check this out. Since 1998, Hyundai has contributed more than$303 million. That helps fund research and advance treatments that have helped save more than 40 ,000 kids.

14:05You can show your support by wearing the blue handprint, the war paint for every young warrior battling cancer, a symbol of their fight, resilience and hope. The auction is another way for us to get involved in their mission. And we're honored to be able to take part in. I like that we're doing this auction. And there's a lot of really good memorabilia we have for the for the podcast. Yeah. A lot of cool swag. Also some stuff that I think is unusual and maybe fun for people to have. Like a date with you. No. No. No. No. We've tried that and we lost over six hundred thousand dollars. I'll tell you what some of the auction items are, okay?

14:38A meet and greet at the next live garage show. Oh, nice. Meet Conan O 'Brien. Yeah. And the highest bidder gets to not meet me. That'll go for a lot of money. Custom cameo style videos from Conan. That's me. Examples could be, I don't know, a congratulations on a wedding, a happy birthday message, just something fun. And I'll do that for you. We're going to auction off a Conan signed guitar because everyone knows that when you think great guitarist, you think Conan O 'Brien. A Conan famous doodle. I do a little doodly guy. You doodle up a storm. I'm quite the doodler. Yeah. And also, we're going to auction off four signed Funko figures.

15:11Oh, wow. So that'll be cool. That's very cool. Can I just say I drive a Hyundai Palisade? You do, and it's a fine-looking car. It is, and it's really great to drive a car that's connected to such a good cause. Yes, to be driving a car made by people who are doing such a nice thing. Yes. This September, you can bid to win exclusive Team Coco memorabilia supporting Hyundai Hope on wheels. Go to the below link to bid. Wear the blue handprint, share your mark of a warrior on your socials, and learn more at HyundaiWarriors.com.

16:03Avengers Endgame Encore. Early period is Friday. Get tickets now. Ready PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

16:12Sona, what's a tradition in your home? My family always does a family picnic every year. That's nice. That's a good tradition. With all of my aunts, my uncles, my cousins. It's really fun. Well, guess what? No matter how big, small, or silly, traditions can bring people together. And Tostitos is there to celebrate the traditions that matter. They start with whole corn kernels to make masa, the traditional way, and bring you a variety of flavors like a hint of lime and Mexican street corn. I love street corn. No artificial flavors, colors, or preservatives, just quality ingredients and amazing flavors worth gathering around.

16:45That's the Tostitos way. Celebrate your traditions with Tostitos or maybe even start a new one. Hello. Tostitos, tradition matters.

17:00Hey, I have a question. you were talking about how you were talking about you. You're going to be okay, son. That's the worst imagery. I've ever pictured it. Don't do the sound effect. It makes it so much worse. So, so grace, when you advise that I, uh, separate my, uh, the scrotum or scrot. I, we'll get some, of course, some viewer mail from that. Latin scholars are writing in. Latin scholars with a ball sense, ball fixation are going to be writing in. Well, I, and you said I would get a big ring in there, like a metal ring. Am I crazy to think that that could be all purpose, that I could use that to hang from?

17:54Would that work? Could I hang from it? I wouldn't jump off a bridge with that, but it's suddenly you've got, it's like your pickup truck and you have a hitch attached. I would now have a, I would have a hitch. Utilitarian. But it's so thin. Isn't that skin really thin? Not mine. I probably wouldn't recommend suspending from the scrotum. You wouldn't recommend it? I'm writing this down. Don't recommend suspending from scrotum. Then, you know. My scrotum is one contest, yes. It is strong. do, but I could also, and this is an attachment that could be useful. If I had a scroto ring, that's, I know where my keys are all the time.

18:39Do you know what I mean? Oh, I've got one of those little pill canisters. So, you know, my Lipitor is in, is hanging off one. This is, I mean, you know where your shit is. You know where everything is all the time. There's no, where did I put that? It's right here. Don Johnson's got me backed up. Does that make sense? Does that make, yes, it makes complete sense. Every, yeah, it's a good place to put your cholesterol medication for sure. Well, now you're complicit in my crime. Thanks. The, you know where I'd keep it, keep down there? The, uh, the, uh, nipples that I had removed. I would put them on the ring too.

19:19Like a duffel bag in your, by your balls? I've got all kinds of shit down there. Yo, oh, a little mag light. God damn it. I can't find my... It's like a go bag. Yeah. That's just always with you. It's a go bag next to my bag. You should also have your keys on one of those janitor retractable cords. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I thought when he said that. The thing is, that's so great. I could reach into a... Basically, I would cut a hole in all my pants' pockets. So I'd reach into my pocket and then... And I'd pull out whatever I needed. Yeah. And then I'd let go and it would go... And it would hit my junk and I'd get a quick erotic...

19:55Ooh. And maybe have a quick mini orgasm, like, there you go, there, it's unlocked now. Zing. Anytime someone needed a door open, they'd be like, don't ask Conan. Yeah, yeah. I'd be offering to open my door for anybody. Hey, you wanna go in here? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we don't really need to. We're good, I'll watch in. I'll open it just in case you ever need to go in. Zing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll wait, we'll wait for a locksmith. Grace, you broke our podcast. You shattered it. I apologize. I never knew that this very cool woman in Bristol, England could destroy a podcast.

20:37Yeah. Here's the problem. I think I'm going to have questions later that I haven't even thought of yet. And I feel like I can answer them. Okay. Oh, no. I can't think of two people that are more opposite than you and Grace. Yeah. Grace, let's face it. I'm an uptight guy, and I've played by the rules in so many ways, except in my comedy, I believe. I think that's where I let my freak flag fly. Yeah. Yeah, you're the split dick of comedy. In a way, I am. In a way, I am.

21:10Girls! They mention that in the Twain Award. Please welcome the split dick of comedy. Clefton Twain. Never those Twains shall meet. Listen, we are very different, but we're so different. But I do feel like I have a real affinity for Grace. Yes. There's that thing where it's like the game Pac-Man. You're so far afield, but if you go through those doors on the side, you're really just next to each other on the back. You know what I mean? Sure. I'm just thinking Pac-Man too. But Grace, do you think in some ways we're kindred spirits even though we're so different? absolutely yeah if i i mean let's say i was in bristol england and you and i were hanging out would we would you sense like okay i know he's he looks completely square he's very uptight but would you also see some okay i kind of get this guy i have no doubt in my mind if you came to bristol after like a pint of cider of like because it's very big in bristol is the cider After a pint of cider, we would be out at an illegal rave.

22:20You would be dancing the night away. You know, I might actually. I think so too. It's so funny because I have always been this way and then it just takes a little bit of spark of something and there's nothing I won't do. Yeah, it's actually true. I think that there, I mean, like these CEOs probably didn't know they had that in them and then they needed somebody to get it out. Maybe Grace will get, what? Adam. Yeah, I know. Maybe Grace will get it out of you. Maybe you will. What if we're talking to Grace?

22:51Adam walks by in the background wearing a surgical robe, post-doc. But still throwing, trying to throw to ads. Yeah, yeah. He's like, ah, Adam, he doesn't even know we're there. Yeah. But then he sees us and he goes, oh, make sure there's a dynamic ad insertion. We need to bump up the third quarter. Adam, what are you doing there? Well, I'm waiting for my dick to heal.

23:18I went three ways. He's got three. He's got the tripod. Where are you moving to in the States? I hope it's not like Wisconsin or something. I don't know. Or maybe it is. What? I'm coming to Larchangelis. Oh! Hey, Grace. Grace, you have to come by and visit us. We have a little studio here in Larchmont. We should do a part three where you're in the room. You know? Seriously. I would absolutely love that. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah. When do you arrive? I'm actually coming out in July for the month. And then I'll be moving out with my dogs in November. Well, can you, yeah, coordinate it. Yeah. Bley will coordinate that with you, Grace, and we'll get you in studio.

24:01And I will start fasting now. What are you fasting for? My operation. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's just these are the things you have to do when you're about to have work done. You seem to know a lot about it. Yeah. Oh, I've had many things done. And I have lots of ideas for Sona because I know you asked me what I think Conan should have as bottom modifications. But I've got some ideas for you, babe. So we can go over that as well. Let's save that as a cliffhanger. That's going to be the cliffhanger when you're here in studio. And maybe you'll do it. Whoa. Sona, wait, maybe you'll do it. Let's find out what it is she has in store.

24:43Don't just say, yeah, go for it. All I'll say is that what I actually have in mind for you, because of something that you said during the podcast, is actually not permanent. So. Okay. This is intriguing. You could try it if you want. Let's not give it away. But I will say that it's pretty hardcore. Oh, hell yeah. All right. We're going to do it. Well, let's wait to see what it is first. No, we're going to do it. You can't just offer me up. Stay tuned for part three. We're definitely going to do whatever this idea is. On the table. Surgery we'll be having. Son will be having surgery in the podcast.