The Bonering Conan

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0:38Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype? Yeah, like all the time. Yeah, I did that with an all-potato restaurant. Oh, no.

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1:23Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcocoa.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Oh, no. Chew, chew. Oh, terrible timing. Terrible timing. Oh, no. Hey, welcome to Conan O 'Brien News and Fan. Oh, my God. I want to apologize for... Let me apologize quickly to you, sir. Matt Gorley was chewing what looked like a kind of a nut bar. It was a nut bar. And that's rude because we're talking to you. You're a guest, but my mouth is clear and I can speak to you succinctly. I just was given no real warning. No, I think you did. I thought that's just how you talk. Yeah, I don't know.

2:09You've been away for a while. So maybe something happened. Thank you. Yes. Andrew, yes. I forgot how to talk. Andrew brought out the big guns right away. He knows you took an overly long paternity leave. Here we go. So your name, sir, is Andrew Zolte. That's your real name, but you go by the name. Tell me how to pronounce this. Breakfast. You can't put that name. How did you think it would have been? I didn't know if it was, it says breakfast. And I thought, oh, chances are I'm going to say breakfast. And he's going to go, excuse me. It's breakfast. fast. But it is here in the notes that it means to move fast and break stuff.

2:55I don't read the notes. I talk to people. I was trying to help you. You're an accountant over in the corner. I was trying to help you. You don't need to. Excuse me, I gotta have another bite. You need to carbo-load. So, breakfast. It says here you are a kinetic sculptor. What is kinetic sculpture? Tell me about it. Can you see behind me? I can, but it's also a podcast, so I thought it'd be good to Yeah, that doesn't really make sense. Maybe include some words in there somewhere. I see behind you, let me describe to our listeners who aren't watching this, that, yes, I see interlocking rings that are twisting and undulating.

3:34I mean, it's very cool. I see a shimmering series of silver rectangles. There's a, I mean, look, I could describe these things all day. Could you? Because that was a rough description. Yeah, that was pretty rough. That was pretty good. Uh-oh, look whose candy bar just hit the stomach. You came in hot. Chomp, chomp, chomp. Really, Conan? Okay, breakfast, tell me, this kinetic sculpture, I've seen examples of this places. I go to Seattle a lot. It's where my wife's family's from, and they have a hammering man there. It's a tall sculpture that hammers away like it's hammering out some pewter or something, but it's really cool.

4:23And it's about, I don't know, might be 40 feet tall. Yeah. Would that be a kinetic sculpture? I think it would. I mean, kinetic just means moving, but I try to dial it up a little bit. So yeah, all the things I make, I tend to try and one, make them really interactive, which maybe if I run away from the microphone in a sec, I can show you. But then all these things are actually moving based on real-time data as well. So like this little silver moving, it kind of moves like water. Yeah, it's beautiful. It shimmers. It does. And it, here, I'm gonna. He's moving away. He's moving away. Oh, wow. He is like a magician.

5:05You just waved your hand over this surface. Did you like that? And it all started sort of undulating, responding to you. And all the different tiles moved in a different way. It was very cool. Yeah. And it's actually, the way that it moves, it's connected to Lake Chapala in Mexico, which is receding due to climate change. And so as that water goes up and down, it changes what happens when you move your hand through it. So kind of like if you had a puddle that got deeper or shallower, it actually changes based on that. So all the pieces have this sort of real-time data thing going to it and interaction.

5:37and it pretty much just comes from me being a kid, walking through museums and feeling bad that I was bored. Right. And just trying to make art. You walked by Michelangelo's David and thought, why ain't that fucking guy moving around? No. Yeah. Why isn't his penis twirling? Oh, my God. Well, I'm serious. Why isn't it twirling? I know. And it should grow and shrink in relation to... Now we're talking. Well, okay. I went too far. Grow and shrink. It's getting boners. But I have a question. I have a, well, wouldn't that be amazing if they could grow and shrink in relation to what's happening? If only.

6:25Clearly, I'm completely unfamiliar with how a real penis works. Mine goes up and down based on that lake in Mexico. Yeah. whenever a lake passes he's like

6:39breakfast and i i say this i love saying breakfast now listen here breakfast um you are the most important meal of the day uh what are the devices at work what's happening to what kind of mechanical stuff are you doing what kind of wiring i'm just curious i don't need to get into the weeds on it. We will. Yeah. Well, I should be fair in that over there, normally there's 16 people that help me do this these days because we make massive, massive things. So we're doing all the electrical engineering, mechanical engineering, industrial design. So there's computers inside each one of these things. There's motors.

7:20We've made pieces with 9 ,000 motors that move 24 hours a day in the middle of cruise ships and weird stuff like that. but it is complex, takes a tremendous amount of effort and time and gets really nerdy. I have a question. But, you know, it's just for the kids. It's really cool. It's very cool. These things look amazing. What is the, it's funny to ask about sculpture, but what's the maintenance? I mean, do you get called in? Like you've done a very beautiful, complicated, and they say, yes, one of the servos, one of the 9 ,000 servos is on the fritz. Is it hard to maintain? Our battery needs to be replaced.

7:56Yeah. Did you just go to Angie's list to get someone? Exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's all Angie's list. I'm here to fix your sculptures. Where is it? Oh, yeah. You got one of those undulating Lake Titicaca. All right. I know what's going on. Stick a screwdriver in it. It'll be fun. Yeah. No, it's, I mean, it's, that is the, that is actually my favorite question to answer because I get it constantly. and the way that I explain this is we live in a world where we are very used to consumer devices that are made as kind of cheaply and efficiently as possible and they got to cost very little. If you think about sending a satellite into space that you don't get back, that's kind of more the model that we follow.

8:41And so that's why we make everything from scratch is to every motor is custom design, every circuit board and the part you put on there. you can choose something that instead of costing 10 cents, oh, we spent a dollar on that one little part. And it will now last 50 to 100 years instead of 5 to 10. And so if you build it the right way, it will last. And then at the same time, you know, we got a lot of pieces all around the world. And if something were to happen, you know, I've had, you know, the cleaning person smash a broom into something, then we got to make it really easy to just swap it out.

9:15So we also design. And fire the cleaning person. Yeah, exactly. That's the first thing you do. At least fire them. You designed and built a piece called The Pearl. It says here it's a 54-foot sphere with thousands of tiles, and it mimics the wind and waves. I mean, where is this? How can I see this? That is the one on, well, we made two of them, and they're on the two biggest cruise ships in the world. So they literally hold up the decks above where they are. This is a massive thing. Oh, so they're load-bearing as well. They're load-bearing. Yeah. Oh, my God. This was a horrible idea. I mean, it's load-bearing.

9:59It's 54 feet in circumference, I guess. Thousands of tiles. Yeah, it's 9 ,000 motors moving. This is the one I was saying. It's just 24 hours a day in the middle of the ocean, reacting to data across the Caribbean. It's a beast. And, you know, it was a little hard to sleep at night. I could just see those ships crashing all the time because everyone on board is just looking at the undulating sphere. Whoa. And then they just ran into an iceberg. And then the sphere undulates even more. It starts undulating. And then it's underwater undulating because an orca goes by. I'm probably not supposed to say it, but there's a stairway.

10:42So you walk down these stairs through the middle of it, and my fear kind of came true, which is who on a rocking ship looking at a sphere can walk downstairs and not trip and fall? And they probably don't like me mentioning that, but there's some extra stair lighting now. We'll just put it that way. And may God rest their soul. Exactly. I'll make sure my lawyer doesn't listen to this. Yeah, yeah.

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12:33Same vibe, better version. and the kind of gift he'll actually use and appreciate no matter what kind of dad he is. Check out Macy's online gift guide for more ideas at macy's.com slash gift guide. Getting a good deal is kind of a big deal. Would you agree, Sona? Such a big deal. Yeah. So get this. Prime Day is coming June 23rd through the 26th with all the best deals you've been waiting for. Prime Day delivers more than great prices. It delivers the big deal feeling. Upgrade that old mattress. Sona, your mattress here just is terrible. Get a new one. It's vintage. It's not good. Vintage milk and vintage mattresses aren't the way to go.

13:08Okay. Score a new great pair of noise-canceling headphones. Snag that garden gnome of your lawn decor dreams. Whatever you've had your eye on, you can get it for a great deal. Shop Prime Day, June 23rd to the 26th.

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14:37Disclaimer, please do not throw your phone into the Grand Canyon.

14:43So much I'm looking forward to this summer. Me too. You know what I'm talking about? First of all, July 4th is going to be the 250th anniversary of the United States of America. That's a big deal. And just as important, some pretty big soccer games headed our way. Sport. I don't want to get too specific, but let's say some pretty big soccer games are coming our way. On a global scale. On a global scale, that's all we'll say. So much to celebrate this summer, so you got to keep a classic with Miller Lite. Miller Lite has been a true American pilsner and the original Lite beer since 1975. Were you even alive, Madden-Summer?

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16:07Now, do you have a dream to one day build something that's on the same scale as, you know, one of those sculptures or pieces of architecture that defines a city? Do you know what I'm saying? The way the Eiffel Tower defines Paris, the way the Trump Arch is going to define Washington, D.C. Oh, God. Do you, and by the way, you should make that thing move, you know? Somewhere else. Move out of town. Right? Hey, we did political humor. Look at us. We're not so dumb. Anyway, go ahead. What do you think? Yeah, no, I mean, that is the dream, I would say, is that we don't build, we don't build like the Eiffel Tower kind of pieces anymore.

16:50And if they are, I don't know. I want to create something. That's the big dream. What city would you choose? But now imagine Brookline, Mass. A giant mechanical Conan used car balloon. What would you do? What would you do? Let's say I was insane. And let's say I had a massive amount of money. And I commissioned you. How would you depict me? How would you use your powers? Oh, yeah. How would you use your powers with all these servos and moving parts to do a Conan sculpture? To do a Conan sculpture? Okay. So, what you like, I actually think we should lift from the Michelangelo. I think we need a nice, A bonering Conan.

17:36We need a pale figure. A bonering Conan. Oh, well, hold on. We're going to use that. We're going to use that. And then I think what we're going to do, we're going to make your hair. It's got to be the hair. We're going to make it out of brass. Yes. And it's going to work. Actually, we'll connect that to Brookline. So whatever the wind is. My hometown of Brookline, Mass, how the wind's blowing in Brookline will affect how my massive 60-foot-high hair is undulating. Yeah, but I think the best part... Do you know those sculptures that sometimes... Like, you'll go by a... There's like a statue where you'll rub it, the guy's foot or his nose, and it's like luck.

18:11You ever see these sculptures at some time? And they're actually kind of worn away in those spots. They're worn away. So I think this is how... Because my pieces are interactive. So I think you need to rub some part of you and your hair shoots out. I think we all know what we're talking about here. I think we do. I think we do. We should go for it. How about instead of that, when the real man gets rubbed, the kinetic sculpture has a hookup, you know what I mean? That's right, yeah. And so, you know. Yeah, it's penis twirls. Yeah, when I'm in some rub and tug joint in Miami. Come on! Waiter in Prague, my hair starts doing a loop-de-loop.

18:46Not your hair. The hair's still connected to Brookline. Oh, the hair is showing you Brookline. Okay, I get it. This is amazing that you have made this your life. I'm always fascinated by people who manage to, through perseverance, talent, a lot of hard work, I'm sure, curve out this life of themselves that's just kind of perfect. And it sounds like you're doing exactly what 10-year-old you would have dreamed of doing. Is that true? I think that's very accurate. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, still waiting for the money. But we'll get to that part. I mean, you seem like you must be very successful.

19:28Yeah. Even your space is very... There's the success in terms of what we've achieved. Yeah, definitely. But then there's the, you know, I got to send my kids to college, right? There's got to be a way to do that. Yeah. Well, I don't know what you do. I'm going to go outside and just, I'm going to busk. I'm just going to play guitar on the street. And everything's going to be fine. I'm not worried. Listen, I think college is overrated. Just tell me everything's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. They can learn from their phones. AI and their phones will tell them what they need to do. You've got sculptures to make.

20:01They are not your concern. I agree. I always say that about children. Is it true that you worked, someone told me that you worked on the Conan Blimp when we launched on TBS back in 2010. Is that true? that is yeah absolutely i got to i flew in that blimp in fact i will tell you all of this is here because of of that blimp because it was the first project so so we started breakfast it was me and two other guys and uh and we were trying to explain to people how you could connect the online world in the real world and tbs calls up and says we have a blimp do you think you can connect that in some way.

20:44And that was the first project that kind of got us going. People could like tweet at the blimp and it would react. Yeah. It would, it was force. Does anyone remember Foursquare? Yeah. I don't know if you remember Foursquare. So it was the first moving location. So people would get in their cars to try and get close enough to check into it. And then the blimp would actually get happy or sad. And when it gets sad, it would like go and check into a cemetery. and if it got happy, it would go over to like a baseball game and get a hot dog or check in. And that was the weird - So weird, I'm happier at a cemetery and sadder at a baseball game.

21:22I'm not even kidding.

21:26Oh no. But that, you know, that's amazing. First of all, thank you because I thought that blimp was one of the coolest things I was ever associated with. It was so much fun. Did you ever go in it? Yes, I flew in the blimp and I'll never forget this. They let me take the wheel at one point, which isn't that scary. because it's a balloon, but I put it into a power dive and it was slowly diving down and through the windshield, I don't know if you can remember this, Sona, you were at the Goodyear, I think it was Goodyear. Yeah, it was. You were at the Goodyear, you would come with me and so you were in this giant field and I went into a power dive and aimed it at you and I remembered you like in jeans and in that brown leather jacket running away as I was in a power dive in a Goodyear blimp with my name on it.

22:11It was just like view to a kill. Yeah, no, it really was. It's one of the funniest images in my head is me, and they're like, well, you're gonna wanna pull up soon, but it's not dire in a balloon. They mean like, maybe that potato is done in another hour, but I'm in this dive and you saw me coming towards you and you ran. I remember that. And you ran. I really do remember that. I do, oh my God. I'm tormenting my assistant with the Goodyear blimp in real time. Sick man. This is really fun. I love the stuff behind you looks amazing. It really does. And I think it's. Can I make it look more exciting?