The Conan and Jordan Show – Travel Memories

0:13Okay, if you hear that song, it means you're listening to the Conan and Jordan show or just randomly playing with the knobs on your radio. I am Conan O 'Brien, and I am sitting here with Jordan Schlansky. Hi. Who has been in my employ for many, many years as an associate producer. Never quite figured out what he does for me, but we've had a lot of adventures together. Yes. People often ask me about you. Oh. People say, how's Jordan doing? And then they also want to know, what's the deal with that guy and so you're a regular part of my life you come up a lot and that's flattering yeah yeah and that's so flattering the way they ask it but uh the point is um we're we're shackled together for better or worse we didn't choose this life but nevertheless here we find ourselves yes and we're not very well said yeah uh and i do enjoy doing these shows with you.

1:16I like spending time with you short amounts of time that are controlled. You know, you get on my nerves sometimes and I'm told I get on your nerves. Well, I think with any intimate relationship, there are going to be ups and downs. We've never been intimate. I believe we're intimate right now. Oh, well, your definition of intimate and mine is quite different. Maybe it is. Yeah. I think we've certainly been intimate. You cannot deny that you and I have been in intimate situations. I don't think so. There's always a camera present and a sound crew. And no, I don't think we've been in intimate situations.

1:52It's not always. You and I are friends. We've hung out. You and I have socialized with no cameras present. When? Multiple times. There have been numerous occasions where you and I have socialized. Name one. I'm not here to enumerate things that should be self-evident to a man that was there for these experiences. You and I are friends, like it or not. It doesn't work that way. You can't yell at someone. You're my friend. You're my friend. I'm just stating a fact. This is not I asked you to give me. This is not hopeful, by the way. I'd be OK if we weren't friends. Nevertheless, we are friends. Well, I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't care if they're my friend or not.

2:29And I'll tell you something else. I asked you to name specific times when we hung out on a social occasion that didn't involve us doing any kind of media project. You failed. You failed completely or wasn't work related. No, you and I don't hang out. When was the last time you and I went out to the to the clubs and did the electric boogaloo together? That doesn't happen, you know. So I don't know what these times are you're talking about. There are many times. Well, why don't you cite one? OK, 2008, do a restaurant Upper East Side. We had a nice dinner. We walked through Central Park on a hot, steamy summer night.

3:00Came across Shakespeare in the park, watched a beautiful performance together. Went back to your apartment at the time, spent quality time. It was very intimate. Uh, that was 2008. Yeah. Do a restaurant. Do you discount? I don't remember. I don't remember any of this. Whether you remember it or not, it happened. And so you and I walked through the park and we walked. Yeah. Do a Upper East Side. You lived on the Upper West Side. But did we did we have tickets to this Shakespeare in the park? No, we came. This was serendipitous. Do you understand some of the greatest organic moments in life are unplanned?

3:32We didn't know we'd have a magical night that night. Nevertheless, we did. I remember it. Yeah. We started out with a wonderful dinner. Of course. Do you remember what you had? Yeah, of course I remember what I had. I had the Polo Scarpa Yellow. Jesus. Yeah, and I had the Tortino for dessert. Yeah. Do you remember what I had? I had, by the way, a Brancaia Tre to drink. Well, that usually goes away with a little penicillin. No, no, no. I don't know what you had. That was your responsibility. But after that, we walked. You came up with, you're a man that loves to walk, and that's a great quality.

4:07I love walking. Although you have access to many transportation options, you like to walk. I do. We've walked in many places. But there was a Shakespeare in the park. Usually those are enclosed. You can't just walk. No, we came across. It was some kind of Shakespeare production backstage. And you and I stood there and we watched it. We stood there and we had a moment, a magical, magical moment. And then we photographed your apartment. You did this great thing where it was late at night. Oh, that's right. I remember you doing this. I remember you photographing. I lived at the Majestic at the time and you photographed it.

4:39You took a nice photo of it, which I still have. I remember this now. Yeah, it was. That's, and by the way, this wasn't us being friends. I asked you to take, that's why we were together was to take that photo. I think I paid you for that photo. So this was a gig. I paid you because you're a photographer to take a picture of my apartment late at night because I was going to give it to my wife framed and you did and we got a bite to eat first and you turned it into this date. Which it wasn't, you got paid. We don't know when magical experiences will happen to us. We try to plan these things. We say, oh, I'm going to have a special occasion night.

5:14And you plan and then things inevitably go wrong. And then magic happens when you least expect it. That night was magic. One of many magical nights and days that you and I have had all across the planet. All joking around, or I think your preferred term is joshing. All joshing aside, you and I, we've had some good times together. You do get on my nerves. I can't fake that. I do find you to be kind of absurd, inhuman in a lot of ways. A free thinker. What's that? I'm a free thinker. I may not fit into the mold of the characters that we play as humans. You just don't seem human to me. You're like a cigarette machine.

5:50Yeah. That's malfunctioning. You pull on it and you're trying to get a pack of cigarettes and some molasses comes out. You seem a little bit of the, something's wrong in your cuckoo tree. But that's neither here nor there. I have waved the magic wand of fame at your direction, and you have become a known personality. You're welcome. As a result, you did an interview recently with the online entertainment publication Collider. Is that right? Yes, I did. Was this last week? No, this was not last week, no. This is right here last week. Does it really matter when, though? I mean, it was recent, right?

6:26I mean, I'm saying to get hung up on details like that. Was it two weeks ago? It was longer than two weeks ago. Was it three weeks ago? It was longer than three weeks ago. Is a very nice young lady from Toronto. I love Canadians. I spent a lot of time in Ontario specifically, also British Columbia. Your girlfriend in college was in Canada, wasn't she? Where are you getting these incorrect facts from? No, there was no Canadian girlfriend. It's an old thing where people would say, do you have a girlfriend? Yeah, yeah, she's in Canada. And of course that's code for she doesn't exist. No. So did you do an interview with Collider?

6:54I did. Was it approved by my people? uh in what sense do you ask that question you're part of the conan machine yes and you're out talking about conor brian must go yeah uh my show on max currently running and you have the nerve to do your own interview i was asked to do an interview um uh was it cleared was it cleared with cruz was it cleared with frank did you clear it with ross did you clear with eduardo people that needed to know knew i'm one of the people that needs to know yes i never heard a thing about this you and i don't have a line of dialogue for these matters the people that needed to know knew okay i'm gonna let it go it was discussed yeah it was just it was approved in in all i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna assume that it it's fine yeah and i'm sorry i flew off the handle i've been under a lot of pressure lately launching the max i'm sure you want people to speak freely under your employ you have nothing to hide no i don't yes no i have thoughts about the series as you do would you say that to stalin would you say to stalin i have original thoughts i'm sure comrade That's telling you wish people to speak freely here in the Soviet Union.

7:55No, he didn't. He wanted absolute control, which is what I want. My point is, I have deep thoughts, OK? And I have things to say about... No one with deep thoughts says I have deep thoughts. Yes. Nevertheless, the thoughts are there. And sometimes people want me to express them. I express the thoughts and no harm done. How did it go, the Collider interview? Frank, how did it go? Well, let's take a look. We have a clip here. Oh, here we go. You happen to be in the Argentina travelogue. And that was an episode I really loved. You've been on so many journeys with him. How has the relationship evolved from those early remotes to what we see in this episode?

8:25I think in the early remotes, I was still approaching this aware of the fact that Conan was clearly my boss. And I was kind of I felt an obligation to be subservient and play the role of the employee. But I guess gradually over the years, I've been able to put that aside while we're on camera and act just like I would be naturally inclined to act. should someone approach me in the manner that he does. So in that sense, I think it's probably more truer to our actual relationship as opposed to like employer-employee. Wow. Yeah. So you're saying there's been an evolution in our relationship? Yeah, I would hope that any relationship between human creatures or even animal creatures undergoes change over time.

9:12Jordan, you don't have to keep qualifying it to say we're humans. It really does give the impression that you're new to this whole human thing. I see. And it puts people off. Yes. You know, it really does create that image that you came here about nine years ago and were put into this shell, this form in order to observe us and then report back to the mothership. Yeah. Well, I thought what you said was fairly accurate. Okay. You realize you still are under my employ, under my aegis. I could crush you with my thumb if I wished. A bug that I am observing. You amuse me. I'll let you live for now, but maybe right now.

9:46Ooh, squish. There you go. Yeah. So you. I mean, if such statements make you feel more powerful, I'm not going to challenge them. They do. Yes. Yes. If you needed that reinforcement, you've got it. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it. Should we take a look at the next one? Yeah. This is good. I thought you did a good job. Yeah. I thought you did a good job. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. What's one thing about the relationship with Conan in these episodes that fans might be surprised to learn that doesn't come across doesn't come across on camera? Because I'm sure there was more B-roll that we haven't seen as yet.

10:15Well, the reality of the situation is, despite how it may or may not appear, speaking for myself, I love traveling with Conan. I love spending time with him. I love spending time with him in foreign environments. I do truly think that when you travel or experience any kind of new event with someone you know, it does bring you closer together. You not only experience things firsthand, but reflect it in somebody else's eyes as well. I genuinely have so many warm memories of traveling to Argentina and other places with him. We would have wonderful dinners and we would talk about, you know, the food that we're eating and the local nature of that food and the culture around us.

10:56And it may surprise people to know that we really get along. And I would like to think he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. Oh, wow. Well, I have one comment. First of all, you said some lovely things there. But before we get to that, you've got to change your background the next time you do a professional interview. Yes. Because the angle's all wrong. We're looking up at a show. Look at that. That's a mess. And that looks like you've made a quickly made a video to try and get help. Yes. To try and get. I don't have the resources that you have. Do you understand this? I'm. Yes, I'm. I'm a man among men.

11:31Yes, a human man. I've got media trained in this regard. I do the best I can. Okay, well, look how that beam is coming out of your head. And it does look like you've drawn the shade so you can cut up a body. So let's move on to what you said. Right back at you, buddy. I have enjoyed our travels together. You do enrage me at times. but what i have found is as infuriating as you are in person when we go to these exotic lands together you're still the same person but suddenly the quality of the food we're having is much better and we're in you know we're in buenos aires right you know what i mean or we're in tokyo and so that sort of makes it all go down a little easier you know what i mean oh i prefer you in a foreign land, preferably if I'm not with you.

12:25So but I agree with you. Yes, we come across as these two people who are always at each other's throats. And I do enjoy traveling with you. I think it's a testament to our closeness that we can be at each other's throats and still endure. Yes. Endure. And even, may I say, thrive as humans and as animals. Yeah. OK, we're going to take a little break. We'll be right back.

13:00okay welcome back to the conan and jordan show i'm sitting here with jordan jordan um uh as you're well aware uh the travel shows on max uh have been well received we went to four countries you came along with me on one and it reminded me that one of the reasons i brought you along on the argentina episode was that uh you and i had traveled before oh yeah and we had a really good time we went to italy together now of all the travel shows we did before max i think one of my favorites was was italy just for the sheer fun and silliness of it that's wonderful there was a lot of just uh kooky comedy do you remember uh going together to italy no yeah of course i remember going to italy do you understand that was a pivotal moment in my life but I'll tell you something about that trip.

13:50That trip was a part of my life even before you and I went. That was a trip that I had done many times before and that made it extra personal for me because I was able to share with a beloved companion these moments that have been so special to me. Beloved companion? Yeah, you're a beloved companion. The point is I travel alone typically and as much as I like - You travel alone? Yeah, I often travel alone. As much as I like the freedom that comes with traveling alone and the moments of introspection, sitting in a piazza at 2 a.m. and just watching people go by and pondering the universe. You creep.

14:22Does your wife know that you like to travel alone? The point is, sometimes you want to share these experiences with somebody. And I was happy to have the opportunity to share this exact experience with you. What's your favorite thing about the trip that we took? We went to Florence. Did you like that? Yeah. Or Firenze, you like to call it. Firenze. Yeah. I said Firenze. Yeah, Firenze. Firenze. Say it again. One more time. Firenze. Yeah, you got it. Firenze. it's one of those you know some countries go by the same name in English as they do in a native country that's one that has changed quite a bit hasn't it Florence is Fidenze Rome of course Roma do you have any others you'd like to Venice Venezia how about Pisa yeah Pisa is actually the same yeah I just wanted to ruin your theory okay nevertheless of course Naples Napoli yeah Napoli very good yeah that's impressive yeah so basically condescending piece of shit yeah when you ask I'll tell you some of my favorite moments.

15:16Okay, when you ask, I've connected with these places on a spiritual level, okay, but often alone. And I'd come back and I would talk to you about my trip and you at least pretended to be interested at the time when we would come back from hiatus. Yeah, exactly. And then to be there with you at La Loggetta or some of these Sorbillo Pizzeria, some of these exact places where I've spent so many years was quite moving for me. uh i'm glad that you were moved yeah i wish you'd kept moving okay uh but a little quip there but um we had a good time we enjoyed many foods together yes uh there's a segment where you and i are driving around in a little car and i'm playing um obscene sounds on a little sound machine yes uh that made me really laugh i to this day i can't see that without laughing that that has some background to it like you would drive around by yourself listening to Oh, yes.

16:12Celi di Toscana. Yeah, specifically Andrea Bocelli's Celi di Toscana. And let me tell you something. And then I thought, hey, wouldn't it be funny if we listened to what I like to listen to when I'm driving? And it was a lot of embarrassing noises from a sound effects shop. Think about getting this car started and be very careful with your valuable Conan payload.

16:34Oh, can you stop the car for a second? Stop it? Yeah. Just one other thing. Yeah.

16:42You're a fool. You frame yourself as a sophisticated and academic, you know, an intellect. And you're a fool. I mean, this is like toddler humor. You know, all your training has led you to this. So you are revered in the world of comedy. The elder statesman of late night television. Harvard educated in many decades. Why bring up Harvard? Who gives a shit about that in the comedy world? Okay, I'll tell you. The Lampoon, the Harvard Lampoon, respected publication, editor-in-chief of some sort. It's called president. For a freshman, I think first freshman in the history. It's okay. It's called president.

17:22Anyway, let's get off to Harvard. All right, nevertheless, I'm sorry you have a sore spot about that. I'm not going to talk about where you went to school. I don't know what persecution you face as a Harvard graduate. No, I don't say that. I just said - I don't know what the sensitivity is about. I don't know what the sensitivity is. I don't know if something happened to you at Harvard that you don't want to discuss. I won't bring it up again. No, no, no. Okay, so anyway, you're revered. Comedians look up to you. You're sophistication in the comedic world. You're a combination of the silly and the high end.

17:51And all of that background and incredible resume brought you to a little classic Fiat Cinquecenta with me playing the sounds of a human gas release. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's called a fart, yeah. Yeah, it was very funny. You couldn't call it that. And we were just howling. It was so funny. I mean, you weren't laughing, but I think you just didn't understand what was happening. You were just a confused robot, but it was so funny. I love that Italy episode, and I hope people check it out. It's really, really a lot of fun. It was very special to me, yeah. You mentioned to me that Argentina wasn't your first choice.

18:27You know, I've been to Argentina now three times, and the first two times I went, I did kind of road trips through Patagonia, and Argentina's a wonderful country, wonderful people, wonderful culture, wonderful food. You know, there are some places that you go to and you say, I had a wonderful experience here and this will carry me through the rest of my life. And this was great and I really treasure it. But I don't necessarily think I'll ever have the opportunity or need to come back. I loved it. I loved it. I love Buenos Aires. Yeah, I loved it. We had some delicious steak. Oh, yes. The steak there is fantastic.

19:01Yeah. And I was really enjoying the meal and we shot one of those meals. I think you annoyed me a lot during that meal. Oh, yes. Yes, we did. Maybe the angriest I've been on camera at you. How familiar are you with the culture of Argentina? Well, I know that regarding the culture of the Argentines, I'm certainly no expert. However, I will tell you that I know that the passion and intensity of Tango flows through the blood of the Argentine people. It's on every street corner that we encounter. Tango. Tango. Tango. It's pronounced Tango. Tango. Last Tango in Paris. last tango in Paris. Or more accurately, last tango in Paris.

19:43And I'm chewing and I'm furious at the same time. And you can see an anger in my eyes. You'd have to watch, I don't know, you'd have to watch a movie about the devil to see that much anger in someone's eyes, you know? Well, I have a respect for the culture and I try to honor the people and the way they speak. And if that infuriates you, that sounds like a problem that you need another time you got angry we i took you to japan oh yes you got that's the angriest i've seen you you got very angry because you and i had a traditional meal oh kaiseki please yeah uh we had kaiseki when we were wearing the robes and we were kneeling at the the little small table they were bringing us the various dishes you started to go on and on about the film Karate Kid 2, I believe.

20:33And you expounded on how, what made it so special is it was shot in this particular part of Japan. Okinawa. Okinawa. Island. And then I produced, once you had really dug your own grave thoroughly, I produced a video that I brought with me of Ralph Macchio, the star of Karate Kid. Macchio. Macchio. Yeah, Macchio. Macchio. But anyway, I produced a video of him telling you that, no, they shot that in the United States. It was not shot in Japan. Apparently it was shot in Hawaii. Okay. So you, um, in that moment looked like a fool. Oh. And I had set the trap perfectly. And, uh, you got, admit it, you got angry.

21:16You got very angry. Well, it's true. I made a mistake. Uh, if you'd like to believe I was angry, uh, if that increases your enjoyment of the situation. You got really mad because you started to say, oh, oh, oh, I guess if I had a booker, I could book someone like Ralph Macchio when I said Macchio. And you said Macchio. I could get a booker. I could get a booker. Oh, big talk show host. You were angry. You were angry. You were frustrated and angry. You could believe I'm angry if you want to believe I was angry. Oh my God, everybody can see on camera. It got like, look at the footage, people. My fascination with Japanese culture began with the Karate Kid Part II.

21:51Now that movie was shot and took place in Okinawa, which is the southern part of Japan. And, well, Daniel was staying in a ryokan, which is a... Oh, yeah, Daniel-san, played by Ralph Macchio, which is actually, the Italian may pronounce Macchio, but I believe he pronounces it Macchio, and I'll respect his decision. So, Jordan, let's recap. Yeah. Your entire fascination with Japan stems from the fact that you saw Karate Kid 2. Yeah. and that it was filmed in where? Okinawa. Okinawa. I have a message here for you. Please press play and hold that out to the camera as you watch it.

22:42Hi, Conan. It's me, Ralph Macchio. Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to tell that Jordan guy that all the scenes in Karate Kid Part 2 that was supposed to be Japan were actually shot in Hawaii. Oh, man, Jordan, those weren't real dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Sayonara.

23:16It was Hawaii. Thank you, Ralph. Ralph Macchio.

23:28You fraud. I understand that movie is a make-believe. You fraud. I think right now you're in shock. Yes, I am in shock. And you're going to try and talk yourself out of it. No, no, I'm in shock. Your childhood hero just came out of my phone and took a shit into your mouth. I am shocked that you had our talent hooker reach out to his publicist. You have the connections. Yeah, I can get to Ralph Macchio Yeah, yes you can You sir are a fool I did not know where Ralph Macchio shot The Karate Kid 2 It's Macchio! Because I'm a fool It's Macchio! I am a fool for not knowing where that movie was shot It's Macchio And I can get to him if I wanted to It's Macchio Oh yeah, oh great I can get to Macchio Listen to you, right now you sound like an insane stalker We have footage of you With your eyes as wide as an owl saying I can get to Macchio I can get to him I can get to Macchio I can get to Macchio You got mad.

24:21Okay, well, guess what? You got mad when I took you to a very special experience in Italy, okay? Here's a real story for the people out there that they may not have heard before. This is real life listening audience, okay? We were in Florence, and I want to do something special for you. You know why? Because I have an intimate knowledge of that city, and I said, I can provide you an experience that you can't get as a tourist. Look at how angry he is. No, no, no. This is the way I enhanced your life without you even being aware of it, okay? So I know that, yes, you can have a wonderful dinner in the city of Florence, but I knew a very special magical place outside of the city in the town of Fiesole, okay?

24:59This is shortly outside the city, maybe eight minutes outside the city, okay? So I said, tonight, I'm going to take you and our entire crew to a wonderful dinner in Fiesole. And you said, great. How close is it to Florence? And I said, it's about eight minutes outside the city. And you said, great. So we all get in our vans and we start driving outside the city to Fiesole. I remember this. Yeah. And then I start, you know, I'm in the van enjoying our company. We're talking, we're having a real experience here. The night was full of opportunity. You know, this is a wonderful experience from virtually a local to a tourist like yourself.