The Conan Slabaroo

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, Let's get started.

0:41We'd never do that. It's absurd. It's footage. Micah. Micah, old friend. Where are you coming to us from? Where are you in the world? I'm in Kansas City, Missouri. The bell's a map. Very nice. I love Kansas City. Had some fantastic barbecue in Kansas City. Wonderful. Oh, yeah. It's kind of like talking like politics or religion out here. Yeah, there's a beautiful, I stayed in a beautiful old hotel, like from the 20s that had been restored in downtown Kansas City. And I can't remember the name of it. Oh, I've been all over. I was a traveling salesman at the time. Micah, tell me, you seem like a nice fellow.

1:18Is that a cork, giant cork board behind you? What's behind you? I think so. I'm using one of the meeting rooms at my job. They probably need this room for a meeting, but I'm just camping out in it. I think it is cork though. Yeah, it's so funny. Yeah, it looks like you're almost going to be pinned up to it. um micah don't listen to me micah i'm having a hard day i'm not making a lot of sense today micah micah what do you do at this company what is this company uh so i'm a designer i work for an advertising firm okay you know my wife and i work on worked in advertising when i met her and uh yeah that's the world she came from um oh cool and uh so you work in an advertising firm And what's your, do you have a specialty in advertising?

2:03Yeah. So I work on a big fast food client and I've been working with them for about 12 years. And I do all the, me and my team, we do all the design work and we shoot all the food photography just about every month, which as you can imagine, it's pretty. I have a couple of questions. It's pretty tempting. I'm guessing you can't tell us the name of the fast food place. I cannot tell you. Yeah. Yeah. And you can't even probably give us hints like they make a good taco or. Are you loving it? Yeah. They're the king of fast food burgers. You know, that's all that kind of thing, you know, whatever. It's not important.

2:41It's I mean, it is important. I will find out and I will disclose it to my fans. Yes, you are. So you are the person who does photography for fast food. Is that right? You're like you're in charge of the whole thing. So once a month, we fly out to our photo partner in St. Louis, and it's a several-day shoot. And it gets intense with the food stylist and getting to work with them and direct things. You know, we'll fuss over strips of lettuce on a burger for a good hour, just making sure it's perfect. It's perfect. It's perfect. Well, you know, I've noticed when you look at photographs of food, especially fast food, everything looks, it's like the most perfect burger you've ever seen.

3:26Or the display of fries, the way the different fries, individual french fries, splay out perfect. I mean, it's all done with such attention to detail. What's it like to be setting that up? I mean, it's got to be a lot of pressure. I mean, it's fun for me because I'm not the food stylist, right? So I get to just, well, I see something here and I get to move this around. You're the dick. You know. What? Well, like, you know, he's the guy who's like, that piece of, you know, lettuce isn't right. And then he's like, move it. Too many onions. That poppy seed is shaped a little like Lyndon Johnson. Oh, you would not believe how many times we and some of our clients see different faces or different things.

4:12And why is there a worm in that bacon? Oh, worm in the bacon. But if you stare at anything long enough, you're going to see your worst nightmare. When you're there, is the food edible or has the food become just a commodity? Is it cold and you've covered it with? I mean, do you do stuff to the food to make it photographed better so that it's kind of inedible? Yeah. So years ago, you were able to just do whatever you wanted to just have it keep. But I think just because of regulation and lawsuits of late for a lot of people, All the food that we shoot, it's edible. Right. We had one of our food stylists, not for my client, but he had to actually rebuild a burger in front of a judge in court of law for a lawsuit.

4:59Whoa. Whoa, really? To prove that he could do it. To prove that this is real. We're not using anything fake. This is how we shot it, just like this. It was crazy. That's cool. Before an award show, I went to a stylist and I accidentally hired a food stylist. and I only knew when they were they were spreading mustard under my eyes pouring lettuce on your head and I had a lettuce for hair and on the red carpet I just killed it people remember that I got more it was the cover of Us Weekly you just need to spritz the tomato that's all but I mean in the old days I always heard that they would practically coat the burger with you know motor oil motor oil or whatever they had to do to make it look appealing so that...

5:46Ice cream used to be mashed potatoes. It used to be crazy. Yeah, yeah. Is this true, Sona, they would coat a burger with motor oil? No, but for syrup, I heard they used to do that. They used to put motor oil on the pancakes. Oh. And then until they burst into flame during a photo shoot. Remember? The great pancake fire of 1987? 700 people were killed. I must have missed that. And three buttermilk cakes were lost. But the pictures were pretty. Yeah, when my wife worked in advertising, when we met, she was, I think, on a food account for, I probably shouldn't say, but she was working on a cookie that if you dipped it in milk would like turn the milk blue, I think.

6:29Oh, really? Yeah. And it later turned out to be plutonium. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Illegally sourced it. So your wife invented plutonium. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. It turned out that she was a spy. and Saddam Hussein paid her a lot of money for that cookie. It was a long time ago, long time ago. But so you're there and you're, you must have moments, because I have these moments all the time in my life where I'm doing what has become my work and I step outside my body and I say, how did this become my career? And you must have moments where you're there and 15 people were standing around looking at a triple cheeseburger and people are with tweezers moving a pickle slightly to the right and you must step outside your body and go how did this happen absolutely no that happens all the time especially when we're on set shooting things because it's literally exactly what you said it's a whole team of people just looking at me sometimes going is it good is it ready no it's it's not there yet move let's move the bun back a little bit or you know the limeade just needs a little more ice on top oh Oh, man.

7:39We're almost there. That's a clue. Can you have free food always? Do you have... Oh, Sona goes right to the heart of my mouth. Do you always have free food? Can you just go? Do they cater it with the food from the company? Or can you go and get free food? Hold it. Just sit down. I know. I'm excited. Sona just wants you to mail her a burger. That's all. I will show up with a bunch of food if you want me to the studio. Okay. Right. You're going to drive with the food from Kansas City. Oh, absolutely. So you have to be sensitive. First of all, let's talk about it. In advertising, it's all about the client.

8:17So is the client there? I'm guessing the client is there. Yes, clients there. Luckily, our clients are amazing, fantastic. I've always heard Ronald McDonald's a very nice guy. Every now and then the Hamburglar comes along and something goes missing. So anyway, your clients are nice. That's good. And clearly you've been with them a long time. And do you ever like go to the actual venues? You ever go to the fast food restaurants and check out how the photographs are being displayed, you know, in the - Oh yeah. And, you know, in the restaurant or a lot of stuff is drive-through now, isn't it? I mean, so many places are just drive-through.

9:01Most of it is. I will go and some of my other designers and copywriters, we will go once a month to make sure it is presented properly. Some stores don't get it quite right. Now, what would be a mistake? Meaning when you say they don't do it quite right, the lighting isn't right on the burger that you beautifully shot? No, we make sure all of our stuff is great and good to go to print. I'm talking about sometimes there will be, oh, an entire menu is just displayed upside down. Oh, okay. So after doing several, several, several. I love that they didn't catch that on their own. Yeah. What's the problem?

9:38Looks okay to me. You've noticed they're wearing their pants on their head, their shoes on their ears. I don't see any trouble here.

9:51I have to go to the ceiling now and use the toilet.

10:05Wow. Okay. So that's funny that you and this, this posse of yours drive around and I just hear like the Peter gun thing. And you like cruise in, but you're not just there like other customers. You're there to check it out. Oh yeah. Like undercover boss. Oh, you know, they go to like through the drive-thru and they're like, what can I get you? And you're like a right side up menu. you bitch. Yeah, bitch. Yeah. And then you peel out for no reason, killing four people. You'll be hearing from me. You'll be hearing from me. We'll be back when your menu is right side up. I love that you have to check on that.

10:48I hope they put the menu right side up. I'll have a rem-ha-bur-gah-hee. A what? A rem-ba-ha-gah-hee. Do you mean hamburger? That's what it is upside down. Oh my God. Wow. That's really fun. I don't know that I'd be of any help to you in your, it sounds like you've got your, you know what you're doing. I think if I came into your life. You'd make it worse. I don't, I think I would just make it worse. I would have, cause I would want to do funny things to the burger. And I know that your client, whoever your client be, wouldn't appreciate me putting a funny slant on their hamburger. Like, I would want to put a funny hat on it or an eye patch.

11:28You know, something to just sort of lighten the mood a little bit. You know? Yeah. Well, I mean, we like to have fun with our copywriters. We like to send some fun headlines around new burgers or, you know, slushes first time around. See if it'll tickle the fancy of the car. Sure, yeah. Another hint. Yeah. We're writing down the hints. If you need a copywriting gig, we might be hiring. You'd be good at it. I think I'd be okay at copywriting, but my copywriting might get very strange. I'd be edited a lot. And a lot of my stuff wouldn't be used and I'd be frustrated. You know, you'd be writing over my shoulder.

12:01Just have it. Now put this in the layout. Yeah. I'll put this one in. All right, here we go. Yeah.

12:09Wow. It's so, I mean, hats off to you. I mean, it sounds like it'd be a fun job. It sounds like it's something you enjoy. It is fun. It's so fun. Does it make you critical when you're watching television and you see a rival fast food chain and they're displaying their burger or their nachos or whatever, and you don't like it, are you like, ha ha, they fucked up. That nacho cheese looks like diarrhea. Right? Do you ever do that? Oh, yeah. No, I can't turn it off. I'll even be on vacations with my husband and I. I'll just be taking photos of other food promotions and posters, and he's like, could you just not for one day?

12:50That would drag me nuts. Like, we are on vacation. for one day. Stop thinking about food. I had an interesting experience, which is we shot a show years ago in Cuba and I was looking at the food presentation because you go to the restaurant and there'd be pictures of the food out front and the menu. And I go like, oh, that's pretty interesting. And then you'd go inside and you'd have the food. And then I'd go to the next restaurant and it was exactly the same and then exactly the same and exactly the same. and I realized, oh, it's state-owned. Everything was state-owned. It still is state-owned.

13:27So when you're trying to decide which restaurant to go to in a state-owned country like Cuba, where everything is under the socialist system, everything's the same. And so it's this weird idea. I think tonight we'll go to Chester's. And you're like, Chester's is the exact same thing as David's. There's one Micah probably for the entire country. There's one Micah. There probably is. Yeah, there's one Micah. Yeah. Yeah. I freelance in Cuba. Can I ask a question? Yeah. Have you gotten to do anything with like those robots that make the food, like the drinks or anything? Oh, not making the actual food, but on photo shoots for some drink specials, like for slushes or, again, LimeAids.

14:17We'll have the robotic arms doing twisting. That's the biggest clue. they'll have like the robotic arms twisting and pouring syrup at the same time so that we get this really cool twisty visual while it's going into the dream so that you're talking about the camp the camera you're talking about the actual camera is because sometimes i'll be watching i mean it works i'll be watching television just scanning tv and a commercial will come on and suddenly i'll see different brightly colored syrups swirling through time and space and hitting this creamy shake and I just want it at that moment. I mean, you're basically, you are you have the human brain hardwired, don't you?

14:58You know exactly how to make food look a certain way so that I must have it, right? Yes. Yes. You're controlling my mind, Sona's mind. You're controlling David's mind. You're in control. Constantly. It's incredible. And we fall for any marketing tactic. We are like a marketer's dream. Yeah, we really are. We are. It works. Even you just. I meal plan for you all, essentially. Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool. I mean, there's, I like it sometimes when they show, it'll be like a shake and they're trying to show you that they add chocolate bits. So the beautiful chocolate is swirling or the vanilla is swirling.

15:36And then a shower of little chocolate chips and flakes comes down. Do you know what I mean? And perfect. Beautiful, isn't it? It's gorgeous. And I think, put classical music to this. Yeah. And this is what I want to see as I'm leaving this world. I don't want to see the faces of my children and my loved ones. I want them to roll in a TV, hook me up to the morphine. And then I want to see little flakes of chocolate dancing through the sky as they hit the pillowy soft creamed ice. That's what I want to see. I like when they bite into the burger in those commercials. and then I just think I want to be that person that's biting, you know, they like bite.

16:19Also, I have a theory that they get people with very small hands. I know what you mean. No, no, but I have a theory that they get people with very small hands to make the burgers look bigger. Oh. So that there are burger holders and biters who look, they were born with very small mouths and very small hands, but in every other way, their proportions are correct. and you guys hire them so they can lift the burger up to their mouth and then it's just mammoth. And they go to take a bite. You're not wrong. And they open their jaw and they take the tiniest bite. You realize if I had that burger, I could live for a year.

16:57And then all this juice comes out. Yeah. Yes, and it's like the burger's having an orgasm. It's crazy. Yes. Oh, I want it. Now I want a burger. So you said I'm not wrong. There are tiny hen people out there. Tiny hen. With little Josh, if you are out in the world and you see someone go to pay for the check with a little tiny hand and they go, this one's on me. And they've got a very tiny mouth. Then you can just say to them, you're a burger holder. Yep. A professional burger holder. And you try and put cuffs on them to take them to the police station, but they slip off.

17:33But you can gag them by putting a little pee in their mouth. Just one green pee. Look, I lost my mind here, Micah My brain broke and you didn't Oh no I'm sorry Did you have a question for Conan? Question? How do we follow that up? Oh my god There's no way he could have a question after that Do you? I do have a question I might pivot slightly on my original question I had for you Okay Which is, are you insane? Yeah No, in the fast food world there's a lot more celebrity endorsements and customized drinks or meals, right? So if Conan O 'Brien had a custom drink or combo, what would it be? Oh, I mean, if I had a custom drink or combo.

18:21Can you give me an example? Like what celebrities have a custom drink or combo? So I think Mariah Carey had one a while ago. And it was just a slight twist on a classic burger and fries and drink. But what's the Conan O 'Brien level up version of? Yeah. Or like the Hailey Bieber smoothie. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Me. Let's see. Well, I mean, it'd have to be ham based because, you know, I'm so Irish. My bones. I did. I had an MRI recently and they said your bones are made of ham. 1970s ham. So, you know, if it would have to be. I mean, I'm just saying I'm not putting it out there, but like a heart, an Arby's that has like a ham sandwich.

19:05where there's giant slices of ham. It would have to be that kind of thing to be true to my Irish roots. Just big chunks of ham. Ham. Can you shoot ham in a way that's attractive or is ham always just ham? Are we calling it the big chunks of ham combo? Yeah. The ham chunker or the slabaroo. The Conan slabaroo. The Conan slabaroo. You have to have a name associated with it. Okay, yeah. A loose labaroo. Yeah, and I'd be paid hundreds of dollars for my association with this product. Yeah, it's gotta be - And we'll have the tiniest hands hold it for you. Oh my God. We have to find tiny hands tomorrow.

19:48Tiny hands and tiny mouth. I'm not gonna do it. You are gonna do it. Okay. Yelling at them? What? Yelling at them. You are gonna do it. You're gonna hold this burger. The girl's just holding the ham. Don't hurt me. Yeah. Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt my hands. Hold it better. Okay, so yes, if you could hook me up with, it's gonna, I don't know what other fast food chains have ham as a staple, but it's gonna have to be ham. I will pitch it to our clients come Monday morning. Oh, so your clients have ham. Interesting. Got it, we've narrowed it down now. Limeade and ham. Yeah, the limeade and ham special.

20:27Wow, this is a fast food place that's going down the toilet fast. How come no one's coming in? for our limeade and ham drink. Big chunks of ham floating in lime. What's wrong? I like it. Quiet, small mouth. We're not ready for the photo shoot. Okay. All right, well, really fun talking to you, Micah. You're a very funny, smart, cool person, and I wish you well. I really do. It was fun talking to you. Oh, thank you. Can I just say one more thing? I know you get a lot of compliments. Just me being a fan all these years, me and my company, what we do, even though it's advertising, it sounds pretty, you know, superficial, but like, we love to just bring joy, comfort, and meaning to people in your podcast.

21:12And you all three have been doing that for me and my career director, JJ, for years. Oh, thank you so much. Well, I will tell you this. There's really, I'm always watching ads and seeing really funny stuff that I think, oh, I wish I had thought of that. There's a, the line between, you know, what I do and advertising and I mean, creativity is creativity. So we're all trying the same thing. We're all just trying to make, I don't think you should hem and haw at all about being in advertising. And like I say, my wife, who's the most important person in the world to me, she was in advertising and she loved it.

21:47And she's an incredibly creative person. So I don't know. I don't think, I think you guys should hold your heads high and get a ham sandwich out there with my name on it. Okay? We will. We absolutely will. All right. All right. Take care, man. We'll see you. All right. Thank you all so much. Bye-bye. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

22:23Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.