The Hoppining: A Chill Chums Holiday Whodunit

26:36We'll remind you you're under oath. I am under oath. Honestly, I am a fan. Okay. All right. I love the kind of qualified.

26:48A true sociopath. No, no. I should get to more important matters. Lip filler for me. My lip filler. Oh my God. Okay. No, I'm sure we'll get into it. You've heard Hopping's missing. He's somewhere in this very small building, but we don't have the energy to leave the building and find him quickly. So we're going to play this out because maybe we can monetize it. Jam some ads in here. But that's not the point. A man's life is at stake. Maddie, who do you think is responsible? You know, I don't know anything about cables or audio equipment. I don't associate myself with that. I work with my people, celebrities.

27:32And aren't we amazing people? Celebrities? I'm a huge fan of Stephen Wright and Taylor Tomlinson Bill Hader it's been a true pleasure to work with them wow innocent yes but you know who does know where all of the audio equipment is Eduardo he seems to love working with that gross stuff second finger well now that makes me suspicious. You're now suspicious of Eduardo? No. I think it's too many people pointing fingers at Eduardo. Exactly. And when too many fingers go towards Eduardo, I start to think, Maddie, you've been accused. You've been accused because it's no secret that you are a very talented person.

28:20You're funny. You're pursuing a possible career in the comedic arts. And you might see an opportunity say something were to happen to hopping let's say he's comedically tied up and then suffocates in a room that has plenty of air um in a very small recording studio where he's probably feet from us but that's not the point might even be this room might be in the corner i have to i have to make sure i don't i don't avert my gaze or turn my neck slightly because i might see him and be able to rescue him but that's not the point the point is you really stand to gain if something happens to happening and you slide into that position you could be the next Sona and that's about as big a star as anyone can be New York Times number one selling bookseller book that is true and by the way Sona it is my mom's favorite book you should know oh thank you so much next to Scientology but you've seen us interact with each other you've seen I mean I worked for for many, many years.

29:26Yes. Is there anything about this job that seems even slightly appealing to you? Well, you can be honest. I mean, listen, am I jealous of the social media following and fan base that you and David have seemed to have garnered from getting Conan to do funny bits with you that could possibly get me a career in comedy that would make me more successful and hotter than Matt Reif? Oh, wow. I'm so happy. Are you aware you're crying right now? Are you aware you're crying? No, really, I'm so happy for both of you. There's blood in the tears. There's absolute blood in the tears. I'm so happy. I've never been happier in my entire life for anyone.

30:13Wow. Motive, underlined. Yeah, there's a motive here. I'm sorry, Maddie, but even you have to admit there's a motive here. Same. You know? What? Underlined. You want, I mean, listen, you just performed very poorly on the witness stand. You just pretty much sealed your fate. I mean, you've got it all. But you said I'm so talented. Yeah, but then you went on and on about Matt Reif. And so, you know, I mean, whatever. These young people, I got to kill them in the crib, you know? What? I can't let them. Excuse me? Wait, any younger comedian who's really good and successful and moving up quickly, I need to squash that shit now.

30:51So that was a mistake. well even I can sit even Hater I should have I should have knocked him out of the box a long time ago he's gotten too big anyway he's great I wouldn't mind some photos of him up in the building me too great yeah I don't know there aren't too many photos of him never quite made it Hater he's very famous not sure really really well for himself never really done much after SNL my hero honestly who I model my comedy career after what's Barry I don't even know what Barry is to work for him it's Emmy nominated show that he had on HBO. Is his assistant feeling okay? I don't know.

31:26We should check on his assistant. Maddie, you seem extremely guilty. I like your gummy bearings. Thank you. I do too. Thank you, Matt Corley. You're lucky that Sona didn't just swallow one of those.

31:42Okay. Thank you so much, Maddie, for your time. You're very welcome. Appreciate it. Maybe there's going to be another spooky video soon or maybe not. Oh. Oh, no. Conan. Hi. Hi, hi, hi. It's me, David Hopping. He can't act. Your assistant. I did manage to escape. I'm really proud of myself about that. I'm usually not good at that kind of thing. But I did manage to escape. But I cannot get out of this room. I know that whenever you hired me, you said you hate it whenever your assistants get kidnapped. And I'm really sorry that I feel like I let you down. No, I did not get a good look at the kidnapper.

32:08One minute I'm outside walking. I have your coffee. Double shot latte. Just how you like it. And then all of a sudden, bam, I get hit in the head and I'm out cold. Now, listen. Listen. The kidnapper must have been someone that can leave the office during the day. And then they also must be really sneaky. Because I heard nothing. They must walk so quietly. And when I woke up, I was in this room right here. I was still being tied up. And here's the weird thing. This kidnapper had really strong hands. And Conan, one more thing. They have your special cream. The one that you told me. They're coming back.

32:37I have to go. Wow. Okay. Well, we do need to get him an acting coach. That was amazing. Why did the kidnapper leave him with his cell phone? And why didn't he call the police? I thought the cell phone is the kidnapper's VHS camera. The kidnapper blows. I mean, let's just get right to the chase. For sure. This is a terrible kidnapper. I wish all kidnappers were this bad because then there'd be no kidnappings. Here are the clues. The kidnapper was able to leave work during the day. During day. Yeah, which anyone can. The kidnapper was sneaky and strong. Okay. Well, first of all, this is not an army base.

33:14This is, I mean, this is about, this is basically like a Pete's Coffee. Who cannot leave during the day? Is there a vampire here? This is a Pete's Coffee where they happen to make a podcast in the corner. People are coming in and out all day long. Yeah, a lot of people work remotely. They don't even come in. Someone who can leave during the day. Everybody leaves during the day. I feel like there's more of a clue there than we're seeing. Oh, there was something. What? They walk very quietly. Sneaky and strong. They have strong hands, according to David. Strong hands. Well, I have very strong hands, but I know it's not me, because again, I'd have murdered David.

33:53Let's see your hands, Eduardo. No, not him. Pretty weak. Wow, what? No, they do. I'm sorry. You look like you sleep with both of your hands in little bowls of heavy cream. I swear to God, your manicure looks nice, but no, those are not working man's hands. Okay, let's bring in someone else. Let's bring old Iron Grip Ruthie in here. Okay, Iron Grip Ruthie. IG Ruth. Let's get Ruru in here. Oh, I have five thoughts. Ruthie is our social media and merch manager, right? Yeah, she does pretty much everything. Ruthie. She's the jack of all trades. Yeah, lovely person. Ruthie, you have a seat, please.

34:36Right. Your full name, please. Ruthie Wyatt. Ruthie Wyatt. And Ruthie, you've worked for me for how long? 13 years. What merch is moving? What merch does well? Oh, God. Jesus Christ. What kind of stuff goes well? Like if it's just Conan, it probably sells. And then when you add these two numbskulls, we probably see a little bit of a dip for you. I noticed there was some leftover Conan at the Apollo shirts in there. Yeah, there are. Yeah, there are. We've got that. Well, we're saving those for the Smithsonian. Those are being set aside. So Ruthie, you handle merch. Sign posters by you. Sign posters by me.

35:08I go through the roof. A lot of photographic stuff. I've taken most of those photographs. A lot of pictures. You have? You see Conan's face all day. But there's no way that I did it, though. Why? I love David. Okay. But not Conan. I love Conan. She does love me. She said that many times. I do. After a couple of drinks. Yeah. So many pictures. Who do you think did it? Well, I hate to say it, but it might be Maddie. Maddie? Why? I think Maddie is looking like a strong suspect because she's clearly insane. Well. You know what I mean? just like I'm gonna be in comedy like oh my god yeah you know she's able to leave whenever she does have a new comedy show that she's producing on her own called OG Dicks okay so I don't know she's able to leave she has to leave all the time she has to go get props and stuff are you telling me that she's on on company time she leaves to work on her new show OG Dicks OG Dicks yeah wow is that what you're saying you're saying she part of her job is that she leaves work?

36:12Well, she has to leave and run errands sometimes. Like if, you know, like she needs to refill the basket of snacks for talent and for celebrities, right? Like she has to go out. But then like, you know, she's also got her own stuff going on with her comedy career. She's very funny though. She's very ambitious. Very ambitious. How strong are her hands? She's very strong, but delicate also. I mean, I'm not going to put her, you know. Do you mind if I shake your hand right now? Sure, yeah. I would love to. Oh, Jesus Christ. Let's try that. Wow, that is a grip. And we don't shake hands, we hug. No, we hug.

36:42I love you. I love you too. Ruthie didn't do it. I couldn't. You're in on it. Ruthie, you know, I adore Ruthie. But I will say this. Ruthie has traveled on many travel shows with me. She is familiar with my travel shows. And she has worked, traveled often with Blay on many travel shows. She is familiar with the travel milieu. So I could see her having access to those books. Also, merch. and you got a good grip. I see so many photos of you. Wouldn't it be nice if there were just a few less photos of Conan in this building? If anyone's going to snap looking at my photo, it might be Ruthie. It's Ruthie.

37:21That's what I'm saying. I'm with you on that. Do you have access to the audio cabinet? Yes. You do? Eduardo. Is that true? I do, so does Eduardo. This is not. Eduardo's jumping in. Don't let the handsome one get you. It's interesting he's jumping in. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, but you have access to the audio closet. Well, yeah. You also deal in merch. You also are sick of seeing my face. No, I'm not. I love you. Do you leave throughout the... Can you leave? Yeah, I can leave. Ruthie, most important question of all. Does it bother you that my lips are so thin? But you look at the photos all the time.

37:52I look at them a lot. But can we plump... Do I need to plump them up a little bit or are they okay? No, I like your lips. They're great. All right. Don't put anything in them. Okay, I'm thinking of doing it. We need you as is. How does that help the case? How does that help get David back? We get David back or we don't. I have a goddamn career to think about. This pumpkin's rotting fast. Can you just show me what, fluff up your lips?

38:18God, it's terrible. Maybe you get a lip tattoo. I say do it. Maybe he needs a lip tattoo. Oh my God. Yeah, you should do it. Me with really luscious lips. Oh God. Big plumpy, pillowy lips and women are always looking at it like, I'd like to smack a roo with him. Is that something they say for kissing? Smack her with him? Yeah, I want to smack her with that guy. Okay, so... No one will question it. Ruthie, I'm with you. I am highly suspicious of Maddie. First of all, I'm highly suspicious of anyone who... Just young people that are ambitious creep me out. Oh. So I think she's got to go. I mean...

38:51I don't know. No? I mean, we still have chills in Sam to interrogate here. Thank you, Ruthie. You're welcome. Ruthie, thank you very much. Okay, you're welcome. Okay. I love Ruthie, though. I really do. I know that a lot of clues point to Ruthie, but I don't think it's Ruthie either. Okay. I mean, she has a motive. She has a motive. Hey, who else do you throw paper balls at? I'm just curious. Do you throw them at Chills? No, you don't. You throw them at Blay. I throw them at Blay, for sure. But Blay's not on the suspect list. I will say Chills is the one that picks them up. He is right. Because I refuse to clean up after myself.

39:20Yes, you don't ever clean up after yourself. Right. Because that was the only... Because that's the status I've achieved in this world.

39:39Sam! Uh-oh, here we go. She's got cool style. Yeah, she does. I like your style, Sam. You can't keep complimenting people who walk in here. It's my technique. Okay, but it's not good. Sam, would you put the... You seem like you're too good to put the... Did she put the headset on or not? If you'd like. I mean, it just... You don't have to. You don't have to. Does my hair look okay? Your hair looks amazing. I'm going to start with a few compliments. Thank you. I think you're terrific you do a wonderful job and I love your style thank you and you just walked in here you got those cowboy boots you got the cool barrettes thank you I don't know I just think she's great are you a murderer are you a murderer not that I'm aware of well first of all we're not even looking for a murderer yeah David's alive I consider him dead at this point even if he shows up if we get him out of this alive I may kill him okay are you a kidnapper Ruthie no no no no we just talked to Ruthie I don't know Sam who do you think may have done this look this might this might get me fired because it's hard to very hard to fire people because if you go through the HR it's so difficult and we have to give you warnings you can you can get away with murder at this place so don't worry about it fire me a lot kidnap her but I do think it's Ruthie and she's my boss so why do you think it's Ruthie this is the thing she is constantly trying to go viral on like TikTok Instagram and this is the exact that kind of thing, that would get the clicks.

41:03You know, like this is going to be written about, people are going to be posting. That's interesting. No, I think it's a good clickbaity thing. Do you have access to the audio cabinet? I mean, I do, but I do everything on my phone, so there's no need for me to go in the cabinet. But you do have access. You do have access. Sure. Can I see your hands, please? You're so delicate. You have a lot of Taylor Swift friendship bracelets. I do. You know who else is a Swiftie? David Hopping. David Hopping is a Swiftie. Yeah. Did you get to go see the recent tour? But Hopping did. Did that make you angry that Hopping got to go and you didn't?

41:37When you consider yourself the bigger Taylor Swift fan? Look, I'm happy for him. Do I wish he would have invited me to a couple of the shows? Yeah. He went to several shows. He went to several shows and didn't invite you to watch. How much are you paying? And I made him. I made him friendship bracelets. Those are thousands of dollars. I tell him he has access. First of all, here's how it works with David. You better check your PayPal. No, it's the same thing with Sona. I always tell my assistant, here's my bank account and then take out what you need for your living. And then it was like six years later, I saw this one on Lake Mead in a boat, a huge boat.

42:13Yes, thank you. It said Cone Sucker.

42:18Okay, Sam, maybe it's you. Why? Tell me. Why? Wow, we got a real Hercule Poirot here. No, I'm going to say, this is another technique I'm trying. What? Tell me why it isn't you, because I think it is. You keep changing your technique. It's just not my style. I think it's you. I've never liked you. You said all this nice stuff about me. I said that to butter you up, but now I'm a different guy and I'm going to throw you off balance. Your style sucks. You've got no style. That's not nice. I'm sorry, but you know. Look, I am a very Zen person. I'm a yoga teacher. I am not about any of this violence.

42:54I meditate like this is not who I am the people that tell me they're zen and meditate are the ones that have more anger and frustration than anyone else I know oh yeah yeah I swear to god every yoga teacher I've ever known has done some time in jail for trying to kill somebody no seriously every single yoga teacher oh okay yeah that's not me it wouldn't be me okay so you're zen I have very petite hands but you know I will say this what you're quiet yeah let me see those you've got some tattoos some ink what's this rune. This one? Oh, that's an Icelandic rune. Icelandic rune. What does it mean?

43:28Love. Okay. That's beautiful. Yeah, love tattoo. I'm going to kidnap someone. That one on your thumb? The cherries from Pac-Man? It's not from Pac-Man. It's just cherries. Hey, what about that one on your forum that says live to kidnap? Yeah. Yeah. What's that all about? We can disregard it. We're getting that removed. Okay, all right, forget it. Okay, well, thank you, Sam, very much. Sam, I do admire you, and now I'm going back to the regular guy. Your style is off the charts. All right, thank you. I tried to rattle you with the whole of your stuff. You keep changing your interrogation techniques.

43:55It's not a good strategy. Or the best. No, it's not. Or it is. No, it's not. Or it is. No, but then it's still not the best. It is the best. You change it like midway. It hurt my feelings. Exactly. But later on, you're going to think he also complimented me. I don't know what I think. And then you're going to start crying, and then you're going to confess to this terrible crime. Okay. All right. Thank you, Sam. Am I done? Okay, thank you. Am I done here? Please do not leave the state. You're still an employee. Yeah. Thanks, Sam. Okay, we just have one more, and it's Chills. Yeah, Chills. Man, Chills.

44:26I mean, his name's Chills. That right there feels a little red herring. I feel like he can get away with anything because you value him so much, too. Chills? I'm going to give everyone a little, before Chills gets in here, I'm going to say, my nickname for him is The Warrior. Yeah. He's been with me. He started working for me like two years into the show as an intern. He has been everywhere in the world with me. He'd do anything for me. It's a long con. Wow. You think it's a long call? Let's get him in here. Yeah. Okay. I think so. I mean, he does really seem to make this place go. All right, Chills.

44:57Good to see you. Oh, friends, he said. Interesting. Now we're friends. Snuck in here. He's quiet when he walks in here. Dixie Cubs before made me die, but great. Hey. Now he's flattering you. Hey. Who's on trial here? Look at that. Wow. Look at that. Likes my bits, huh? Spoken like a true kidnapper. Innocent. Okay, Chills. Yes. You started working for me in what year? 96. 96. Okay. 27 years. It'll be 27 years in December. That's nothing to do with David. Hold it. Hold on a second. This is a man who, I think, loyalty and this incredible, I mean, talk about this, the record of this gentleman. You've been everywhere in the world with me.

45:32Yeah. We've been through every adventure. You were on the old-timey baseball remote. Yes. You've been in the trenches with me in so many different countries around the world. Yep. This guy, I call him the warrior. I can't believe he would do anything to harm me. And now I'm thinking about it. How does kidnapping hopping really harm me? Oh, he's your assistant. Again, we've proven. It's not about harming you. It's about getting your goddamn face off that wall. Yeah. You know? I walk in every day, and it's like seeing these pictures again for the first time. Like, I love seeing those guys. Oh, God.

46:05Oh, God. Come on, chills. I don't believe it for a second. You walk up those stairs, and you see him as the Viking. I've seen in between takes, I've seen him come up to you and, like, rough you up a little bit sometimes. That's what brothers do. That's what brothers do. Do you pick up the paper balls that he throws around? All the ad copy that he... Do you pick those up? This studio, I can kind of run this thing. Not run it, but I tend to it. Make sure everything's running smoothly. So yeah, I clean up at the end. And you don't mind that? That doesn't bother you? Yeah, but we clean up after ourselves.

46:35But Conan doesn't clean up after himself. Doesn't that piss you off? No. No, it's like Louis XVI didn't say, Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get... I dropped that. I'll go get it. That's ridiculous. I totally agree. Yeah, I mean, this is Versailles. And, you know, like, chill. What's wrong, Louis? I might have dropped my croissant. I should go get it and pick it up. But if someone sees it, they shouldn't have to pick it up. I should do it. That was not Louis XVI. Where are all your travel books? Do you know where they all are right now? I know where they all are. Do you? Yes. Let's see those hands. Yeah. Pretty substantial.

47:12Oh, my God. I can't tell you something about this guy. This guy's been wrangling props, dragging them through airports in Milan. Cables? Cables? No, I have nothing to do with cables. You have access to the audio. I certainly have access, but there's a lot of people who have access. I'm in this room. I'm in the room next door, the control room, all the time. But we wouldn't always know because you tiptoe around because you're conscious of the audio recording. You are kind of furtive and, you know, in the shadows. Oh, I see. Yeah. If I left that room for a second, this place would fall apart. I believe that.

47:43Yeah, I do too. I believe that. I believe, and I've often said this to Chills, when the end comes, it's probably gonna be me and him alone. The last three will be Ross, me, and Chills, but then Ross will get a call that his reservation came through at the restaurant and he'll leave. And it'll be just Chills and I as the monsters move in, the orcs. Jeff will be in an Uber headed off to LaTonzie. And it'll just be the two of us. so I am not going to accuse chills I just don't see it I don't see it it's impossible to me you have complimented every single person on this list except Maddie now Maddie I grant you what I said is that Maddie's talented she's funny I think she's going places I'll do everything I can to help her with her comedy career because I think she's got it but I think she's a murderess I think she's too fresh I think you need somebody who's seen you a lot who's sick of you and your photos and chills has been here the longest.

48:44Chills would. I just can't. I can't. I can't turn against Chills. Not even if it's some kind of comedy conceit. I won't. I won't do it. As an outsider, I have the least bias on everybody here. And I do think that all the clues point to Chills. And then you're kind of denying them, but you must at least admit that you seem suspicious on paper, right? Based on? All the clues? Yeah. When can I leave? I can't leave this room for a second. Also, can I tell you something else? I constantly walk around the neighborhood and I see all of you getting your parfaits, your creme brulees, having your Belgian waffles, toasting each other with glass Aperol spritzes.

49:28You all just goof off all the time. What are you talking about? I never see chills. That's true. I go days without eating. That's true. You don't leave. Yeah, he just sucks on his wool cap and gets some of the old beef broth from our Ireland remote. But you're like on the move a lot with Conan. And things change up. The shoots change. And you have to be the one who changes everything. Doesn't that piss you off? No, I love what I do. I love working for this guy. Yeah. Oh, man, you had the glazed over look of a hostage just there. You do. You're really complimenting him a lot right now. I just can't.

50:01It's not chills. And if it is chills, I would pardon him. And then I would help him kill Hoppy. Oh, my God. Okay, let's release chills because we got to figure this out. Chills, I got your back, man. I'm not going to let them. Same. I'll never turn against you. Please don't leave the state. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-oh. Well, time's up. You had an hour to figure out my identity. And what did you do? You spent it arguing amongst yourselves. Pathetic and unsurprising. Well, I guess it's time to hear your accusation. Who do you think I am? Cue the dramatic royalty for your music, please.

50:43Oh, boy. Well, you can tell it's royalty-free because it's really not fun to listen to. Who would put a royalty on this piece of shit? No. It just sounds like I'm watching... Yeah. Selling Sunset. This is like a Wales EKG.

51:02It's royalty-free. You'll get no money from this. Well, here's what we know about the kidnapper. Very uneven in the music field. There's paper, there's merch, there's cable. The kidnapper was able to leave work during the day. The kidnapper was sneaky and strong. Hopping was being kept near a pile of merch. Hopping was tied up with audio cables. Who has access to the audio cabinet? The kidnapper was throwing paper balls at Hopping. There were travel books for Norway, Thailand stacked up in the back. Only one suspect has a motive, a means, and an opportunity. Well, I'm going to say I agree that chills, a lot of things can point to chills, but he did not have the opportunity.

51:41Yeah, you're right. He really can't leave. I think you're right. Sorry, Chills. I was wrong about you. Eduardo can't leave. I mean, Eduardo can't leave during the podcast either. No. It has to be like, it's like not just the whole day but it's during the podcast essentially. I think it's during the day they can't leave because I think these threats were all pre - During the day, Chills can leave during the day. He really can't. But I'm getting signals from - You can't go outside in LA with a wool hat on and not get picked up by a car, a police car. So I'm going to say it's not chills, but it could be Eduardo.

52:16Eduardo can't leave. He's doing this. I'm saying it's not chills for sure. Could it possibly be Eduardo? Yeah, but I'm going to say no, it's not. It's not Eduardo. Now, I know who my suspect is. I think we all know who your suspect is. It's Maddie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there needs to be less people in comedy so that I can flourish. And she threatens me. You've already done it for a long time. And you know what? I know, but you know what? You've established yourself. I talked to my doctor the other day and he said, I have a good six years of life left. And I want to use that. I know. I was shocked too.

52:47That's not a lot. He said six max. Oh man, I need to get another job. So anyway, yeah, I don't know. I have mine. Mine is up the highs. Mine is that Ruthie has the motive, the means, and the opportunity. Her motive is she has to take pictures of you all the time. She can leave and she has access to the audio cabinet. But then there's the paper balls and the travel books. But also strong hands. Strong hands, right. Now, I don't, I mean, look. Strong hands from pressing photograph pictures all day. Pressing them? What do you mean pressing them? What is she doing with them? You know, taking pictures.

53:28Her finger's flexing off. I thought you meant she had a giant Ben Franklin press. I'm gonna you guys I'm gonna say it's Eduardo I there I'm saying it I'm saying it Eduardo is Eduardo is my suspect all right well Eduardo I refuse to say it's you thanks uh I love you man I just think god he's very good looking sorry that's confusing um I think I think yeah Ruthie but god I've been with Ruthie so long that would be such a betrayal we don't have to agree right You have to agree, it has to be one person. Oh, you shouldn't be shit. Guys, Maddie, come on. She's nuts! She's crazy. Who wants to be in comedy as a profession?

54:12I know, you have to be sick to do that. She doesn't have access to the audio cabinet. What does she care about paper balls and travel books? Yes. Oh, I guess that eliminates her. Well, it's there for a reason. Damn, that was a terrible put down. That was just logical what I said to you, but I said it like it was a put down. Oh man. You're right. Maybe it's not Maddie. I want it to be Maddie. Chills or Eduardo, I'm sorry. I know you got a chills boner, but I think it might be chills. He checks off every box. Except he can't leave. He can't leave. It's not chills. And also, I can't live in a world where it's chills.

54:49I can't. This isn't real. God, I hope it's chills. It is real. I hope it's chills. No, I'm telling you, I will not. If we all have to agree, bark up another tree. It's not chills. I won't do it. Can you agree that Eduardo has all of the... Sure, I'll throw him down the deepest hole. I don't care. He can't really leave either, though. But are we saying during the podcast recordings? I thought we said during the day. No, no, just during the day. He can leave. Eduardo can leave. I've seen him go get lunch. I'm getting signals from the guy who created this whole show that he can't leave. Okay. All right, so it's not Eduardo.

55:22I'm telling you it's not Chills. And so just throw that away. So who's left? We never went back to Lisa. Or Sam. Has seen, yeah, Lisa is dealing with your fans all the time. She always looks at photos of you and has to deal with people who love you. She has access to everything. Does she? I don't know. The audio cabinet? Sam does. Sam can leave. Does Sam have a motive? And I do think, I'm going to say this. Paper balls and travel. I've noticed a lot of times I make my jokes and quips and I'm always doing bits and stuff and everyone's laughing. Sam, not so much. You can't penalize someone. No, not penalized.

55:58But I do know that Sam has that, you know, that kind of she's very young. She's in the corner. She's got cool style. And she's just sort of staring at me like, keep laughing, Laffy man. Keep laughing away. I'll see you in your coffin one day. That's the that's the look I get from her. I have a new respect for Sam. Yeah. Well, you know what? Lisa has, I think, motive because you abuse her brother all the time. But she hates. But she doesn't like her brother. You throw paper at him. No, I think you got it. Because then the travel books and paper all relate to Blay. He leaves. He goes on those things.

56:30I think it's Lisa. That's actually interesting. That's interesting. Yes. Lisa is related to Blay. Yes. Blay goes on the travel shows. She sees me throwing paper at him all the time. I do assault him. You beat him. Well, I beat him within an inch of his life. Yes. Which I think employers are allowed to do to employees. No, no, no, no. Oh, you're not supposed to. You're not supposed to. Okay, good, good. Okay, from now on, no more. Should we go with Lisa? I think it's Lisa. I think it's Lisa. I want it to be Maddie, because I really want to nip that career in the bud. I want it to be chills just to see your heartbreak.

57:04Okay, I think we have to accuse Lisa. Okay. All right. Wrong. No! Like I promised, you'll never see Hopping again. But I'm not killing him. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm sending him to Hawaii, where he'll live out the rest of his days in paradise, a.k.a. away from you three. Later, suckers. Now, it's time for me to come into the studio and reveal myself. Okay. This is exciting. What if it's David? Oh, I'm so excited. I'm excited. I actually am quite excited. Yeah. I actually, this is well done. I have to say this is well done. And I don't like my... Oh! It's Ruthie! Ruthie, you devil! Ruthie! Oh my God!

57:53Ruthie! Oh my God! You were my first pick. I know, you were onto me from the start. You know what, I couldn't, I care about you too much. I know, I like you. I got you. She's been in my corner for so long and you betrayed, well actually, again, I don't care that much about hopping, so whatever. You don't care about hopping on the ball. Hey, you go girls. Oh my God! What's the paper balls in travel books? Red Herring. Oh, you asshole! You son of a bitch! Yeah, that's called bad writing. You know, she came in here. She had the attitude of someone who was guilty, too. You know what? You know what?

58:27Blay, you crafted this whole thing, right? Yeah. I love it. If Blay were a mystery writer and he did a murder on the Orange Express, and at the end, the answer was, nobody. They're not even on the train. What? No, it's that guy who lived 80 years later. The train's a red herring. I would be all for red herrings, but the stuff you gave us to read that are like meta below the performance are saying, here's a clue, here's a clue. Clues have to make some sense. I mean, the paper and the travel books and really the cable just don't apply to Ruthie at all. She had, but who had the motive means an opportunity.

59:00She had the motive. He's having to justify it. More clicks. She had the means because she keeps her camera in the audio cabinet with the things. And she has the opportunity, which you never asked her about. She parks in the street a lot, so she has to go move her car all the time. Well, I gotta say this. My favorite part of every Agatha Christie novel is where Agatha Christie would afterwards yell at all the readers. Hey, wait a minute. No, it makes perfect sense. They're all on the island. No, shut up. Shut up. It makes perfect sense because the science is, no, shut up. Shut up. Well, that was fun.

59:44I have to say that was fun. Is David okay? Ah, blah, blah. These videos are going to do great on social. Guilty! Guilty. Man, I did. I really wanted it to be Maddie. You really did. You have it out for me. I'm sorry. When I see talent, I have to squelch it. Well, let's give a big round of applause to Blaine. Good job, Blaine. This was all his idea and his execution. Great job, everyone. Sorry about the red herrings. Nice job, everyone. No, no, no. You did what you had to do. You clearly put some thought into this. Next time we'll know better. No, good job, Blay. And that was fun. You know what?

1:00:21I enjoyed The Hoppening. Yeah, me too. It's all about that title, baby. I want to do it again. Excellent job. And you're fired. Yeah. I love you guys. It's all nice working here. All right. Well, thank you.

1:00:36Conan O 'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco And Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf Original theme song by The White Stripes With this cover and all incidental music by Aaron Blaird Take it away, Blaine Okay, that was a mistake Our supervising producer is Aaron Blaird and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Bray Conn.

1:01:24You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847. and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Cardinal Brian Needs a Friend or every spooky podcast you've downloaded. And just remember, every moment you've spent listening to this podcast is another moment that brought you closer to the grave. Toodles!