The Last DVD Store

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi James, welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan Hello, oh my god Hi James, how are you? I'm great, thanks This is, uh, yep, I'm gonna be speechless for a little bit But I'm amazed to meet you three Well, uh, well I think it's 80 % me And then there's 10 % and 10 % But anyway, listen, the important thing is Yes, James, you're meeting Conan O 'Brien And then some ancillary characters I think that's how this story unfolds. It's very nice to see you, James. And where are you right now in this crazy world that we live in?

0:48Where are you? I'm away from it all down south near Antarctica from Ototahi, which is Christchurch, New Zealand. Oh, Christchurch, New Zealand. Yeah. Okay. I've never been to New Zealand. Well, you should come. Well, maybe I would do that someday. And tell us a little bit about yourself, James. What do you do for a living? Well, to pay the rent, I work at probably the last DVD hire place in the country, if not the world. So the name is Alice in Video Land, even though there's no more videos. It's all DVDs. It's called Alice in Video Land, but you don't even sell videos. You sell DVDs. No, we still read them like we're, you know, blockbusters.

1:32And next story to you, is there a shop that sells butter churns? Well, yes. I mean, this is alive and well in Christchurch. So wait, so you work at a DVD rental shop and a lot of customers come in still, even though so many things are streaming? Well, yeah, I wouldn't say a lot, but we also have two cinemas, which definitely helps keep the place afloat. So we've got like two small cinemas that, you know, people come out to and then they can rent a DVD on their way out if they want. Oh, I see. So there's an attached cinema, small, when you say small cinema, are we talking dirty movies? Like a little room with a couple of chairs?

2:12Why does your mind go there? Well, I'm just curious because I might want to go. Probably because Conan's not that familiar with the internet, so still searching for those. He's probably one of those blocks away. And you're gonna go all the way to New Zealand? I wanna go to one of those places where you're, you know, the little peep show. I wanna see a peep show. I never got to see one of those. They shut them down. and it was all online. I want to see a peep show. Well, yeah, we don't have that, but I guess I could see what I could arrange. Well, James, that would make you a pimp. So no, I, James, you don't, don't start offering to arrange something.

2:52That's a mistake. Okay. So, okay, James, Christchurch, New Zealand, and you, what did you say to me just then? gateway to in touch good that's what we know it's okay gateway oh you said it so quickly didn't it was hard to hear yeah you went gateway on touch car and i thought that was the suburb you lived in where do you live gateway on touch car uh it's a very distinct accent the new zealand accent isn't it uh yes uh i guess so i mean you can tell me i'm surrounded by it so i don't really It's like a fish in water. I can't hear it. I can hear your accent. I know. Your sound's distinctive. Isn't the way you talk weird?

3:34Well, I'm sorry. That's basically what you're saying. I think that I'm speaking normally and you're saying,

3:43so yeah. And I think anyone in New Zealand would agree with me. Now, tell me about this DVD. We are very people pleasing, so probably, yeah. Oh, good. I like that. Tell me about the DVD rental shop. You said it's called Alice in Video Land? Video Land, yeah. Okay. It started in the 80s, which is why it's Video Land. Yeah. And it was literally one of the first, and it's probably the only one left hanging on now. And, yeah, we've just been in operation for longer than I've been alive. God bless you. Keeping it alive. I love it. Yeah, keeping it alive. Do you – We have all the James ones for you, Gawley.

4:22Ah, yes. He's a fan. I'll be right there. Even the Peter Sully's Casino Royale with Orson Welles and all of those. Oh, yeah. That crazy one. Wow. So I have a question. Do you run the store? No, I'm just a duty manager. There's two owners, Karen and Pete, and then there's about four or five staff, of which I am one. So it's just like a small operation. And do you get along with your bosses? I do. uh but you know there's peter certainly has um opinions about things like we have a wall of 500 greatest uh movies of all time and he's continually uh messing with that and putting in things that he likes maybe like what like what does he take out and put in yeah give us an example you don't quite agree with your boss peter's taste in in films what are some of the films that he reveres that you're not so high on?

5:19Well, if I was to name them, you probably wouldn't have even heard of them because they're so obscure and boring. So, like, Ray and Liz is a British one. I don't want to denigrate these filmmakers. It's just not my taste a lot of the time. There's another one, Gene Dillman, which you might know because it tops the sight and sounds. Number one. That's like just three hours of a French lady peeling potatoes. Yes, yes. Well, I like the potato part. To me that is pornography. Oh my God. That's called Irish pornography. A woman peeling potatoes. I could easily arrange that kind of peep show for you.

5:54Yeah, yeah. That's the peep show I would go to. You put a nickel in, there's a woman there. Just peeling. You know, just peeling potatoes. I'm like,

6:05So, well, I'm sorry. That's my excited face. Oh God. I'd seen every face you'd made, but apparently not. I know. I always have another face coming. So Peter likes really obscure films. He's your boss. And you're probably, as a younger person, maybe like more contemporary films. What's he taking out of there? That's what I want to hear. Yeah. What are the things he takes down off the wall? The most recent, well, I mean, it was a real effort to even get him to get Mad Max Fury Road on there. He does not like that movie. How can you not like Mad Max Fury Road? It's an instant classic. I know. It's just like pure action.

6:44But, you know, there's no, I guess, because it's pure action and there's nothing to ponder. Like someone peeling potatoes is so. Oh, God. Would he like. She was a dork. Would he like. What about some of the new. You're going to be fired, but oh, well. That's OK. Please. I'm sure there's another DVD store right around recording. Those things are a dime a dozen. You said that's OK. Don't worry about it. It's not my problem. I'm employed. Hi, I'm a sociopath. So James, what about like the John Wick movies? Would Peter be okay with those? I'm not sure if he likes those. They're not in the 500s. Everybody likes the John Wick movies.

7:27John Wick used a horse to kill his enemies. Remember that when he put a blanket over the horse's head and aim the horse's ass at his enemies and then pulled and got it to kick. He used a horse as a weapon. It was fantastic. That's the greatest - Oh no, yes, you're right. I do remember that now. How could you forget it? Sorry. Did you confuse it with the movie where Judy Garland used a horse to kill someone?

7:57Wow. Okay. So Peter, I have major issues with Peter. I have to say. It's just like boss on boss beef. Well, I just think Peter is maybe hurting what could be a very thriving DVD store with the name video in the title. I think he's hurting it with his obscure taste and I think he needs to appeal to the masses. Do you even have Blu-ray or is it just DVD? We do, but New Zealand is like, we're still far. We never really properly made the transition over to Blu-ray, so it's mainly DVDs. Do you have any videos at all? We have some decorative ones just placed around. You have decorative videos. Oh, I love it.

8:41Decorative videos. It's the only way they can be worth anything. Okay, tell me about the customers that come into this store. They are, you know, I hope none of my customers or my boss sees this. They will, it's fine. They are older, for sure. Yes, you didn't need to tell me that. They've never heard of a computer. No, no, like to sign up people, we, you know, have to get their email. And the amount of them who are like, I don't have email. Wow. Alarming. So we did lose a few DVDs that way cause we can just never find them and they disappear off the grid. Well, my guess is they die. Yeah, yeah.

9:20There's a lot of that as well. Yeah. Really? Someone signs out a DVD for the movie Flubber and then they don't bring it back and you go by their apartment and you see them carrying them. Their store is how they find out most people die. Yeah, yeah. Was this DVD returned? No. Oh God help those. Yeah, we'll track them down and one of their children will. Yeah, the police must use you regularly as a source. Who hasn't returned to DVD lately? Well, Mr. Robinson hasn't on 303 Primrose Lane. Well, he's dead. Yeah, that's far more frequent.

10:10do you ever have a customer come in an older customer and while they're there they find out that it's easy to stream most movies uh yeah well not while they're there but you know old people tend to be blunt so you know occasionally someone will come in and return in mind is like, oh, I just found this online, so I didn't need to watch it. So see ya. So that can definitely happen once their children usually introduce them or set them up with some kind of Netflix account or something. Right. That's a big seismic change. It's like someone coming to the stables in like the first Model T and saying, I won't be coming here anymore.

10:49I've got this contraption. It just shows you that things are moving on. But I have faith that this store is going to thrive yeah it's like records right physical media do you records made a comeback are you a physical person yeah absolutely it's been like a film education for me because we've got all the old movies so there are i should you know there are a lot of old movies that you struggle to find on streaming that we have um because we've been around for so long and because the nature of streaming is a bit more diffuse now we do actually get some people sort of not bothering with streaming and just coming in and getting, because we've got all the movies.

11:27So they can just come in and rent the movies off us instead of streaming to like five different services. So there is that advantage if I was to make a plug. Oh, okay. That's the most anemic plugs. You sounded like you were dying as you said it. Like it was your last breath. I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued by this store. Do you think I would be of much help at the DVD store? Yeah, absolutely.

11:57Your sales skills are, I'm sure. You would be an attraction. You'd be like a... Like a used car balloon. Yeah, out in the front. No, I don't know.

12:18So come see the freak and then maybe get a DVD. Is that what you're talking about? I'm a human being. I'm a man. Well, if you have a better idea, like, you know, I would be willing. I'd willingly take. Actually, I don't. It could be come see the Conan and then maybe get a DVD while you're there. I do I think I am a pretty good salesman I'm a good talker And so you've got the gift of the gab I've got the gift of the gab Do you need to sell? I mean, aren't they coming in Having an idea of like, I'm going to rent a DVD today Yes, but we also get The cinema people coming in So you've got to try and convert them To DVD sales customers Yes, yes Do you sell DVD players?

13:09oh we do rent out dvd players for those that don't have them anymore how often do you rent out dvd players you know you you rent a lot of dvd players as well because you'd kind of have to wouldn't you it's like you know new zealanders are very um people pleasing and they don't want to cause a fuss so they'll pull out you know when i'm showing them a dvd after they've seen a movie they might be like oh this looks really interesting but i don't have a dvd player unfortunately it's It's like, oh, it's okay. We've got one you can borrow right here. But wait a minute. Then why the hell did they come into the store?

13:42To see a movie. Do you show them first run movies or are they like a curated art house kind of thing? We tend to play more like, yeah, independent art house, foreign kind of movies. We do, like we played Furiosa. So we do, and we'll play James Bond movies when they come out. So things with a bit of cinema. Do you sell any snacks at the cinema? We do, yes. What do you have? We've got warm nuts, we've got ice cream, we've got popcorn. Did you say warm nuts? I did, yeah. What kind of movie house is this? Warm nuts? No one has sold warm nuts at a movie theater since Dillinger was shot outside of one.

14:24Well, yeah. Would you like some warm nuts before you go into this cinemannogram? We still have like a little statue of like a, you know the boys that used to go around with the carts of like lollies and stuff we we have one of those in the shop as well like a statue not like an actual boy that still does that no no no no we can't afford that you're not allowed and also not a good idea to have a lot of little boys around with lollies um i just think it's a bad idea you just i don't know you know lead to trouble that's all I'm going to say. Stop talking. What are your aspirations, if you have any, beyond the DVD store?

15:08Where do you see yourself in an ideal world in 10 years? And maybe it is, maybe it's the DVD store. I don't know. Yeah, no, my aspirations are, I guess, following the footsteps of like a Taika Waititi or Jane Campion and become a writer, director myself. That's very cool. You have good taste. Those are great artists. Thank you. well you know they're kiwis so i've got to you know support the local um and and you know they're definitely like trailblazers if they see i guess new zealand is a little bit overrepresented represented in hollywood now that we're very small but we do have quite a few people that have seeming to break through which is promising so yeah i'm just hoping to follow in their footsteps and make my own so i make my own short films and do have you made some short films yes i have and i'm in the middle of editing one right now um do they let you show them at the cinema there Yeah, they probably will.

15:59There's not a lot of, yeah, yeah. No, I think they will. It'll be like, I'll probably have a private screen. So the answer up until now is no. But maybe in the future. You know, James, I am known worldwide. And I've done a little bit of acting. And so if I could be of help, maybe we could make a short film with me. Right. And that might put you on the map. I mean, I am much in demand in Hollywood. And when I say much in demand, no offers yet. And I live in Hollywood. But but I but I but I'd be willing to if it was a very short film, I'd be willing to make a film with with you. And I think it might it might be your ticket to the big time.

16:52Absolutely. I was, yeah, jump on that. I make them with my friend who's a cinematographer. He's got all the gear. And I do the writing and the sort of directing and stuff. And yeah, absolutely. We would come up with a scenario. Can you think of what kind of role I could play? Just off the top of your head, give it a shot. Like the other Irishman. So maybe you're not the Mons Corsese one, but maybe you got on the wrong boat and you ended up in New Zealand instead of New York. Wait, so not the Martin Scorsese Irishman who's a stone cold killer. I got on the wrong boat? And where did I go? You ended up in Christchurch.

17:33And so I went to New Zealand when I was trying to go to New York. New York, yeah. And so you're trying to make the best of your situation while you're here and see if anyone needs a hit man. You start off just being real dumb. So I'm an idiot who mistook the sign for New York and got on the boat to New Zealand. All those boats look the same. And then I'm offering my services as a hit man around Christchurch, is that the idea? You just read the sign that started with new and that'll do it. Yeah, yeah, same thing. I got as far as new, yeah. Yeah. New, I don't need to read the rest, that must mean York.

18:11This is the script, you're writing it right now. This is great. This is fantastic, I love that. I'm very impatient. I have ADD. I didn't read, I didn't, after I saw new, I assumed the rest was York, but it was Zealand. And instead of, and after three, you thought you were spending three months on a boat, but it was actually six months. So you're probably a little bit antsy by the time you arrive. And I would notice that it just was going south and south and south. I was like, this is odd. You round Cape Horn through this Antarctic seas. That time I understood Antarctic Well you guys say Antarctic Don't you?

18:49Don't you come after me Well I'm just saying It's like you say herb instead of herb There's an H in front of it He's not wrong It's a soft G Oh fuck you too It's fuck you It's a soft F So So I've really liked talking - There's a lot of similarities between you and my boss. No, sorry, just carry on. Yeah, he's a real Peter, this guy. He is. No. Yeah, he is. A huge Peter, this guy. You're a big Peter. Hey, maybe I might like this Peter, you know? Maybe sometimes there needs to be an alpha who's a little bit older and prefers women peeling potatoes to Mad Max Fury Road. So I like this guy. Listen, I think we could do good work together.

19:38And so I hope one day we meet. I really do. James, you seem like a very nice fellow. And I would relish a chance to see one of the world's last DVD rental stores before it closes in 40 minutes forever. Well, maybe your peep show idea will keep us going a little bit longer. I'm telling you, people like it. Yeah, you want a little peekaroo? Go to a public place to watch porn. Yeah. Yes. People have lost. Now everyone watches it on their own, on their own devices at home. The whole idea of porn was to bring people together and see it in a big theater. We still have some old customers who haven't, you know, because they don't know the internet, they do still, like, we do still have, like, Debbie Does Dulles and things like that.

20:26Yeah. And they... Is that on the top 500? So you have some customers that come and want to watch porn in the theater. And, you know, I'm renting them out. You really had to own your sort of guilt and shame back in the day, I guess like you can just alone in your room, go on the internet. Hey, as long as you're wearing a raincoat, who's the wiser? Oh golly. Any hoots, James, what a terrible ending to an otherwise wonderful, wonderful interview. I wish you well, please give my best to the other Kiwis and I salute, I salute New Zealand and, and you are a very talented people. And I'm glad that, and you seem like a very good fellow.

21:09And I just, I wish you nothing but the best. Nice. Is that Guinness or Coke? This is a Coke. I don't think I'm allowed to say what it is because, am I allowed to say? This is a Coke Zero. Oh, yes, nice. No calories here. No, but can I also say, I've just a general thank you to you three because obviously with being a struggling artist and then the pandemic and everything, times can be a little stressful and your podcast has just been a continuous source of lightheartedness and relief. And you're a particular code, and as much as I don't want to single out and give you props, well, you've been like the basis for, I've maybe been passing your jokes off.

21:52Well, not really. Everyone knows The Simpsons, but basically since The Simpsons, me and my friends have been saying your jokes to each other forever. Thank you. And all my friends that I told were like, monorail. Yeah, I'm glad I took you and your friends down a few notches. Yeah. Give them all my best. And one day, maybe we meet. That would be a lot of fun. I would love that. Yeah, you're welcome anytime. James, quick question. Behind you, I see two cats. Yes. It's been a little bit of a distraction because they were, I think, cleaning themselves aggressively. And each other. Yeah, and each other.

22:27Tell me about your cats. Well, their brother and sister, their names are MJ and Taonga. Yeah, I just probably shouldn't have. Yeah, I don't need that. I don't like that they're brother and sister now. This is getting real Game of Thrones-y. Yeah. This is the porn. Yeah. How much for this DVD? Yeah. Cat incest porn. Now at Alice in Video Land. So they... It's a new genre. What are their names? MJ and Taonga. Taonga is a Maori name. I inherited them from my neighbors who, when they moved out, these cats were always at mine. And so they just said, do you want to keep them? And I said, okay. Wow, what wonderful pet owners.

23:08Well, they have six cats. Why don't you just keep them? We could put them in the moving van, but it's like 15 feet that way. So we'll just leave these living creatures with you. Well, they seem like nice cats. They're very nice. I'm very happy to have their company. you know being a writer can be a lonely existence sometimes so it's good to yeah well to have them around do you ever talk to them and feel like they're talking back yeah i sing to them and you know um usually i mean as a sign of how insecure i am it's like in the morning because i don't have a cat door i have to put them out and they're meowing at the door and i'm trying to explain to them that i have to go to work to earn money so i can pay for their food and they just look at me like you know fuck you why are you calling us outside That's not just them, that's all cats.

23:56Cats are just nerve endings with some fur. Okay, take it easy. They don't give a shit about anything, you know? You love a horse guy. Yeah. No. It's so true. Oh, take it easy. So true, yeah, sorry. Spoken like a couple of dog-loving sociopaths. No, no, I've been around plenty of cats and they just, huh? Huh? There's no explaining anything to them. Not a good crowd. There's no humanity! And they're sleeping now. And so it's nice. Maybe you'll sing to them tonight. What will you sing to them when it is time to sing to the cats? Just like show tunes and things like that. Just, I'm not a good singer.

24:34So I'm not going to sing. Okay. Well, I'm going to wrap this up. But I wish you all the best. I really do. And I hope our paths cross soon. That would be, you know, this has already surpassed all my expectations. So that would just be, my head might explode. That would be amazing. I want to be there when your head explodes. It's the nicest thing I've said to anybody. All right, James, you take care. Thanks, James. Bye-bye. Thanks, Sona and Matt as well. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. With Conan O 'Brien, Sona Movsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow.

25:14Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

25:20Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.