The Prophet and The Reacharound with Special Guest Kevin Nealon

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1:13Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Chris. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan with Conan and special guest Kevin Nealon. Kevin Nealon's joining us today. Chris, how are you? I'm doing well. Yourself? Oh, great. We're doing okay. Where are you coming to us from, Chris? The Dirty Tee, Tucktown, Tucson, Arizona. Nice. All right. Wow. I was going to say Tijuana. I know. And tell us a little bit about yourself. I just have a little scrap of paper here that says that you are a, this is impressive, If you're a luchador, is that right?

1:54You're a wrestler. Yeah, I've been in the wrestling business for 27 years now. Wow. Okay. Jeez. This is incredible. And you wrestle yourself. Do you have a... He wrestles himself. Yeah. We've all done that. What is that all about? That's not very fair. There's a fix in. He always throws it to himself. Christopher, you have a character, right, when you're wrestling? Yeah, I'm fully masked. I have a character named The Prophet. The prophet. That's a great name. It's a great name for a wrestler. It's a great name for a wrestler. And do we have a photograph? I think we have a photograph of you. Oh, my God.

2:32Look at this. Look at that. Wow. That is impressive. Thank you. So you are the prophet. Tell us, when you're in character, these are great. Jeez, look at this. Tell us a little bit about this character, the prophet. Are you someone who believes he's a prophet, or is your character really a prophet? Does he have magical powers? Can he see the future? It's more of a mystique type thing. A very quiet, just straight to the point I get in the ring and do my job. Yep. And just represent myself that way. Do you have a signature move you do, Chris? It's called the prophecy. Oh, what does that involve?

3:09Yeah, tell us about the prophecy. That sounds great. So the signature move is called the prophecy. And at some point during your battle, you say, now it's time for the prophecy. And then what do you do? So I hook their arm over mine. I pick them up sideways like a body slam. I swing their body out and sit down and slam it. My God. That's so prophetic. You know what? Can I say something? That's so prophetic, man. Can I say something? That is a greater prophecy than anything I've read in the Old or New Testament. And I think if those were the prophecies, people would really pay attention. and there'd be much more religion in the world.

3:51Yeah, that's very impressive. Thank you. You have to be an amazing athlete to be a wrestler and to do it at the level that you've been doing it at for so long. Have you had some bad injuries? Tell us about that. I think I've been pretty fortunate, but around 10 years in, I did break my elbow. I had to get surgery on that. But the weirdest thing that happened to me is I came down with a condition called rhabdomyolysis. Hmm. And that's basically where my muscles were breaking down and being filtered through my kidneys. So my urine was black. And that's bad.

4:32No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not yet. Hear him out. Chris, get to the bad part. Yeah, get to the part where it's really, I mean, I don't think it's someone, there's not a person here who's not peeing some black urine right now. But wait a minute, why did this happen? And why, what is it about this condition? It breaks down your muscles and then converts it into a thick sludge that you then pee out. When you're, you do that while you're standing on the ropes in the corner. Is that some kind of a defense, like an oil slick? It's like a, you know, you should have done, Chris. You should have called your character.

5:09You should have called your character the squid. And just whenever you're about to lose, you shoot out this black stream and your opponent is immediately immobilized. How many costumes do you have, Chris? Probably around 15. Okay. Do you have one for more of like a formal fight or is it... They're all the same, just different colors. Before we... I want to show some empathy here. Kevin, just stop for a second. I'm loving it. Yeah, I know you're loving it, but I wanted to make sure, Chris, how did you get rid of this terrible disease and are you cured now? and then we'll get on to all the bits about, have you got a cummerbund?

5:49You know. So basically - Do you ever wear a carnation? What happened to this disease? They needed to flush my system out. So I was in the hospital for a week on an IV. That was all I was doing. Right. So it was, for me, a vacation. Okay. It's always a vacation when you can just squirt out some black urine in a hospital. So then you recovered and the disease does not continue once it's flushed out. Is that correct? I haven't got it again, but I'll honestly say I don't think I was ever 100 % after that. Oh. It kind of looks like you have black pee coming out of your ears right now from those wires.

6:26Oh. Those are headphones, Kevin. I'm talking about the wires. Yeah, I know. Chris, let's get back to the comfort zone. Yeah. Hey, Chris, I'm sorry that I asked you momentarily about your help. Sorry you followed up on that question. Yeah. I'm really sorry about it. So, yeah. So, you went wee-wee. It was all black. Hey, what do you wear, a tuxedo in the ring ever? You got a lot of fans? You got a lot of fans, Chris? What's your fan base? Tucson, Tucson, Arizona. I built a pretty good following here. We do regular shows at the Rialto Theater downtown. Hey, are you a good guy or a bad guy? Are you the heel or are you the hero?

7:07So I've been the hero for the majority of my career. But two years ago, I turned hill and had a little feud with another wrestler. That was the last time I wrestled. I haven't had a match in two years. Okay. Who's your arch enemy? Did you have a nemesis, someone who the prophet always hated, you know, the cummerbund or whatever the other guy was? Well, the coolest thing I've done storyline-wise was I had a feud against myself, the false prophet. Oh, wow. That's a great idea. Yeah, we stressed it out for a year, year and a half. We had a series of matches and we were playing tricks, you know, look over here while he's over there and vice versa.

7:48So it was fun. But wait a minute. Did you play both characters? So I had one of my original trainees became my disciple. That's a great idea. Yeah, it's pretty cool. The false prophet is a terrific. And would the false prophet try to do the prophecy on you? yes i knew it as agile as me so we're able to do each other's moves now if you each did the prophecy to each other was it one of those things where it cancels out and there's like a bright flash yeah black hole yeah these are good questions kevin i'm sorry oh this isn't sticky enough for my partner here can i can i get to like a real question yeah sure go ahead yeah uh chris you grew up as a mormon correct i did and did you watch wrestling growing up Not till teenage years.

8:38Do you think the fact that you grew up in the Mormon faith steered you towards more of a religious character? That did. But the other factor was the Three Six Mafia because their record label was called Prophet Entertainment. Tell me about Three Six Mafia. You're going crazy here. A famous hip hop group, rap group from the 90s and 2000s. Yeah, yeah. And so you were a fan of their music, and then you saw that their record label was The Prophet or The Prophecy? It was Prophet Entertainment. Nice. So I kind of ripped that off. Well, you don't rip it off. You say, I was influenced. I paid homage. I was inspired.

9:17I'm trying to protect you from legal action. Chris, you haven't wrestled in two years, right? Yeah, it's just really hard on my body these days, just trying to take it easy. Yeah. How do you stay busy? uh well with the wrestling business besides doing that i also rent rings and get books for festivals and i'm also in the food world too trying to start a food trailer oh tell us about that so i love mexican food and i worked in a restaurant for a few years and i just came up with uh an aguas frescas drink line oh so i want to start selling aguas frescas but i want to call it lucha fresca fight fresh.

9:59Nice. Hey, wait, that's a good idea. I would drink lucha fresca. I could do an ad for you. No. You know, I would be a... And I know that... You're a great spokesperson. You'll do an ad for anyone, Kevin. I'll do anything for anybody. You know, the thing about drinks, is this water? They're made out of water with the ingredient and then sugar. Those are always healthy. I think a lot of times, you know when you're selling a product it's really the packaging that sells it you know like if you see these topo chico bottles they look so refreshing yeah a little condensation on them and uh cold bottle what's your packaging looks like that's not about the packaging at all i'm talking to chris that's just a cold bottle any cold bottle has condensation on it chris i'm sorry you're not how do you give the company credit for it being cold you're our guest that doesn't make any sense at all you know i love the the new ford fiesta oh what do you like about it it's got some dew on it Chris, if you want to call me later.

10:58Oh, yeah, it's been outside, and we're in Portland. Yeah, that's what I like about it. It's just nice when it has that dew, that dewy look. Does it make you feel good to do that? It did. Does it make you feel good to pounce on people? I crushed you. Chris, you can call me later. We'll talk about it. Okay. Chris, I like this idea. I like this idea. And what are you doing to make this? What kind of packaging are you putting on there? So I do have clear bottles. They're very sleek. And I do have a logo already. I might modify it, but I was just at a pop-up market this weekend, and I sold at least 15 bottles there.

11:33So that's my start. Okay, and do they have each one? Does it come in different flavors? Yeah, my main flavors right now is Jamaica and Tamarindo. My favorite flavors, by the way. Those are, I mean, this sounds promising. I think you might be onto something. Do you have any big money backers behind you? No. Have you taken it on Shark Tank? Would you take it on Shark Tank? I don't know. I mean, it's been done before. Always Fresca doesn't exist, but maybe the way the packaging and the marketing might sell more than the other brands. I like the idea of Lucha Fresca. I think that's great. I like the name.

12:06It's a great name. Do you speak Spanish, Chris? I do. I've been practicing for like four years now on Duolingo, but I'm still not fluent. But that Lucha Fresca, man, that comes out nice. What are you talking about? It comes out nice. The way he says it. Oh, the way he says it. It also comes out nice. You're just so, so such a strange man.

12:35Well, Father's Day is coming up. Hint, hint. June 21st. We're not your children. What? My children are not getting me anything, so it's up to you guys to get me Father's Day. They have never bought into Father's Day, but you guys are going to. You're my employees and you have to. Well, guess what? Luckily, Macy's has a wide range of options, the expertise to help you find the perfect gift. Macy's is the answer for Father's Day. David, as my sort of surrogate son, the son that I hired to buy me things, I hope that you're prepared for this Father's Day and I hope you've consulted Macy's. Oh, I sure I have done both of those things.

13:19first. Oh, there you go. You love a pun. We got you a shirt that says The Grill Father. I love that shirt because you know what? I love the Godfather movies and I love grilling and they've combined them with The Grill Father. And are you ready to combine it even more? Let's see the next gift. Ooh! A ninja indoor grill. Can I say something? That looks really good. It does. So happy Father's Day from us and Macy's. You know what? I want to say thank you. Those are cool gifts. I love it. Thank you, Macy's. Macy's makes it easy to take something your dad already loves, make it feel new again. Same vibe, better version.

13:51The kind of gift he'll actually use and appreciate no matter what kind of dad he is. Check out Macy's online gift guide for more ideas at Macy's.com slash gift guide.

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15:15but I just did it slowly so you could really understand. Disclaimer, please do not throw your phone into the Grand Canyon. The Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle, the best in entertainment in one bundle. This month stream Pixar's blockbuster family hit Hoppers on Disney Plus. The hit horror comedy Send Help on Hulu and season three of the HBO original series House of the Dragon on HBO Max. Get the Disney Plus Hulu HBO Max Bundle today. All of these and more streaming soon. Available with Disney Plus. Hulu Max Bundle plans starting at$19.99 a month. Terms apply. Visit DisneyPlusHuluMaxBundle.com for details.

16:04Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype? Yeah, like all the time. Yeah, I did that with an all-potato restaurant. Oh, no. marketers know that feeling they optimize for the numbers that look great like impressions but then they don't see revenue you know what i'm talking about oh yeah all the time yeah linkedin has a word for that bull spend bull spend yeah instead you can get the highest roas of major ad networks with linkedin ads cut the bull spend advertise on linkedin spend $250 and get a$250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com slash Conan. Terms apply.

16:52So you haven't wrestled. Do you think you're done wrestling? Your wrestling day is over. It sounds to me like if you've done, if you haven't wrestled in two years, maybe that's it. No comeback? I'm not retired. Pretty much in the wrestling business. Even if you retire, you don't because you always get sucked back in. But I have a wrestling ring i still train and stuff like that so now i'm trying to just teach the new people chris i hate to make this about me but i a number of years ago did a show that i was very proud of in mexico city and um does it have a pony in it what was there a pony in it why would there be a pony in it because it was a show in mexico yeah what's the connection you don't travel much do um just bringing up Tijuana again just call an ambulance I'm sorry I meant a donkey I meant a donkey call an ambulance Chris is dying man Chris is loving this you said pony instead of donkey hey I really don't get out much I don't get out much Kevin I don't get out much so I didn't know that ponies in Mexico City are synonymous he meant donkey he meant donkey he got it he got it hey Mexico City Did you have a stapler when you went?

18:04A stapler? Why would I have a stapler? Hey, do your bit. You know, Mexico City. He's doing his bit. He's doing the bit. Oh yeah, oh, he's doing that comedy thing. Look at Conan doing his comedy thing. He's doing a bit off of a bit though. Bit off a bit is just as legitimate as any bit. Hey, Christopher, I did this bunch of shows in Mexico City, very proud of those shows. One of the things I wanted to ask you was, did you see my Luchador segment? I actually went into a ring in Mexico City and I had my own luchador character that I dressed up as. Anyone can see this as they go on, what's it called?

18:37YouTube. I can pull it up now. There it is, the crazy rooster. I was the crazy rooster. There I am. The guy who local. I wrestled. What did you, have you, A, are you familiar with that segment? And B, how do you think I did? Yeah, I've seen it multiple times. I love all your travel shows and that episode means a lot to me. Okay. You've seen any of my stuff, Chris. In Mexico? No, it's all about Conan. We'll get through this, Chris. Just hang in there. What did you think of my wrestling moves? Be honest. Yeah, I will say you are athletic and I know you have all this energy. So you pulled it off very well.

19:18And one of the guys in the ring with you is a former champion of mine. Oh, wow. Okay. So you actually, do you know where I was in Mexico City? Do you know the gym I was in? No, I don't. Okay. It was just a gym. Okay. uh yeah i think if i had to really wrestle i'd be killed almost instantly everyone was going very easy on me because they knew oh here's the comedian we got to go easy on him i have a lot of respect for for what you do and i think i'd have died within seconds of me entering i think before i entered the ring i would have died oh yeah you know i went to one of these wrestling matches a couple years ago in new jersey whatever that big stadium is and it was packed it was like a super bowl it's huge and the ring in the bottom and john santa come yeah santa people going crazy yeah yeah i never knew it was that that uh big i did know it was that big it's been big for a long i'm sorry and i know because i like to read sure okay well i also enjoy a book every now and then But I've known for a while that wrestling is massive.

20:25So I'm glad that you caught up to what's happening. You know, everything's massive. I just didn't know it. Because I live in my small world of knowledge. Okay. Chris. Chris, I'm sorry. We're back to you. Yeah, back to you. Enough about Conan. And his career. But I'm impressed that you keep coming up with new ideas. You're trying new stuff. I mean, that's the game. We've all got to keep going. We got to keep trying things. And so I root for you. I do root for you and this Lucha Fresca drink. I think it sounds great. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah. Everything I do to this day is basically out of necessity to get me to the next spot in life where I'm trying to go.

21:09So I've learned how to weld just to build rings and, you know, learn how to cook to sell it to make money and stuff like that. Who do you like? Who's your favorite wrestler? Probably Mick Foley. and Ray Mysterio Jr. What did you like about them, particularly? Well, Mick Foley is the hardcore legend. He just gives up his whole body to the business and just does everything he has to do to make an impact. And Mysterio is the biggest influence for me because I started becoming a luchador, inspired by what he could do. And that made me think, well, can I do it? So 27 years later, the answer is yes.

21:46Isn't that, it's funny, you're talking about wrestling. It's really the same with comedy. We, we grow up seeing people and you identify people that you want to, you would like to, you want to emulate them. You had that, right, Kevin? everybody does. Who did you have? Mine were three, uh, three people. one was Chris actually. Uh, besides Chris. Yeah. Chris, no, it was, uh, Andy Kaufman, uh, Albert Brooks and, uh, Steve Martin. Yeah. Yeah. And you, you never really did stand up though. no i never did stand up but you did it on monologues on your shows yeah uh that's good a little put down before um he's amazing did you feel comfortable doing those monologues yeah i did really yeah okay just cold talent um i uh well chris is watching this like watching his parents fight yeah i'm sorry about this chris um yeah i had the same thing it was uh steve martin and i I mean, also Albert Brooks, I mean, watching his films, watching the stuff that he would do on The Tonight Show.

22:49That really inspired me. This conceptual comedy, that blew me away. And of course, Python, when Python finally showed up on my television, that blew my mind. SCTV. Well, I was basically just asking about comics, but okay.

23:08Okay, well, let's keep it to that narrow. I don't really want a history of comedy. I forgot how narrow you were. I don't really want a history of comedy. No, no. I like, you know, I'm Monty Python and I like, you know, I like all the shows. A little bit off a bit. A little bit off a bit. Look at me running away now. Oh, yeah, I do like it. A little bit off a bit. A little bit off a bit. We criticize what we are. Okay. Well, listen, Christopher, it's very unusual. I've never had Kevin here when I talk to a fan and we've tried this once. We won't do it again. Not with Conan, anyway. Yeah.

23:43It's just going to be Kevin from now on. But I understand you might have a question. Is that right? If you were a tag team, you and Kevin, what would be your characters or your names? That's interesting. Oh, yes. So we're a team. The amoebas. The amoebas. Because we're kind of, right? Yeah, we're very similar. And then we could be amoebas where we have to, we enter the ring together, sort of enmeshed together. And then we split apart one fight. and then that has to... I got a better idea. Wait, are you saying I shouldn't have run with this idea? This is lame. I got a better idea. Let's be amoebas.

24:18The Siamese twins. We fight in one costume. Wait. We're both in one costume. We're joined. And so the other one just doesn't do anything. Well, only one can fight at a time and the other is just sitting there? No, they both fight at the same time. We both fight. It's much better if we're attached matched but when i'm fighting chris you're just doing nothing but looking around as always and yeah and yeah you're just inert and then when i tag you you switch and i i swing to the rear and now i'm behind you and i'm looking at the crowd and i'm a nerd what move is that called chris what we call that move the little reach around it's good yeah it's called the reach around yeah that sounds like a good idea yeah hey look they're doing the reach around Conan and Kevin are doing the reach around you guys would just be you guys would die instantly I think you're right they would die the moment that you walk into the ring you would everybody would hate you they would hate us because you guys would be doing so many bits we'd be doing bits in the ring we'd be arguing and doing bits and then whichever one wasn't wrestling the other's just hanging off his back on the phone On the phone and doing bits.

25:35Yeah. On the phone buying stuff. The most hated duo in all of wrestling. Yeah. Everyone hates you guys so much. They boo us as we're coming out of the walkway. You got to admit, we would be hated. We would be good heels. But that's good to be hated in the ring, right? If you get a lot of hate coming at you, that's a good... Yeah, you're doing your job. You're doing your job properly. That's like Conan here. Okay. He's doing a good job, by the way. No, you're not cool. Just not cool. Chris, what are you doing tonight? I'm going to record drums with my band. Oh, tell us about your band. I'm in a punk rock band here in Tucson called Planet Strict 9, PS9.

26:24That is great. And so you play drums? I'm the drummer, and we're going to put out a record pretty soon. I just recorded like 20 tracks. Is it kind of like thrash metal? What are we talking? How hardcore is this? It's kind of like Bad Religion and those type of punk bands, Bouncing Souls. Yep. Where do you perform? The Rialto Theater sometimes, one-anyone tool here. And we usually go to Bisbee, Arizona. That's where the band originally was from. Chris, is it a music we could dance to? You could get down to that, but you might get hit in the face. I'm about to hit him in the face. He's going to get hit in the face.

27:01It won't have anything to do with your music. No, I like to go to the Rialto and dance. Yeah, I'm sure you do. Oh my God. If you guys were a tag team, you would fight each other more than you would fight the other people. Yeah, the wrestler would just be like, wait, what's going on? And you and I would just be wailing on each other. In one costume. In one costume, wailing on each other. For the old reach around. We each reach around. All right, Chris, I'm going to let you go, Christopher. Christopher Hack, you are a gentleman, and you seem like a very cool guy. And thank you very much for listening to our nonsense.