The Sona and Matt of New Zealand

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Glenn, and welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. Hi. How are you? It's Glenn calling from Auckland in New Zealand. Hi. Oh, wow. Auckland, New Zealand. Yes. Help me. Which part of New Zealand is that? I'm trying to think. Are you on the north or the south? Where is Auckland? So it's the largest city in New Zealand, and it's in the North Island. So about, I guess, two-thirds, four-fifths of the way up, something like that, of the North Island. Okay. Well, now I'm completely confused.

0:42I've never been to New Zealand before, but I've always wanted to go. The people I meet from New Zealand are fantastic. And of course, I've seen, of course, many images of New Zealand and it looks beautiful. I just haven't experienced it myself. So I'm anxious to see it one day. Right. Well, Auckland is known as the City of Sales because we're surrounded by a beautiful harbour. We have a harbour bridge that's kind of like a little version of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Sales. Yeah, the reason that you've only ever met nice New Zealanders is because we send all the horrible ones to Australia. Now, I've been to Australia.

1:22I've been there several times. So you know what I'm talking about, right? Oh, God, just filled with horrible New Zealanders. Um, let's, uh, let's talk, Glenn. Tell me a little bit about yourself. You seem, I'm guessing you work in radio because you seem to have a professional setup there and you seem very comfortable on Mike. Is that a correct assumption? Uh, yes, that is a correct assumption. So yeah, I've literally just, um, come off here. That's not my show. Um, yeah, I'm kind of like the, the, the, the Matt and or sonar of the show. So I just chip in when. Oh, so you're expendable. Oh, you could go at any time.

2:00time and the couldn't do without people wouldn't care um listen please those are just jokes i love you guys and of course your essential part of this stew little lentils and i am the large piece of delicious beef that's for sure that is for sure glenn so you work on a radio show do you get recognized at all when you walk around uh only if i talk because people don't really know what i look like they've only ever heard me uh so uh yeah they're usually pretty disappointed when they see what i look like that is not true you're a very good looking gentleman and and so people must get excited say when you order a pizza over the phone they must say oh my god is this glenn hart asking for new zealand's finest pizza i can't say that's happened to me but i did once when i was on a plane uh you know and you know everybody's doing the overhead baggage uh situation you know that kind of pre-flight jostle around somebody yeah at that point said hey are you glenn off of the radio and you know so then i had that moment of oh no am i about to be stuck sitting next to somebody who is a big fan of the show that could go either way uh but luckily new zealanders are pretty shy and uh yeah uh he left me alone wait are you saying are you saying you didn't want to sit next to a big fan that's my favorite thing i call ahead to the airline and I say, can you find out who knows Conan O 'Brien and can you seat them next to me?

3:26And then can we talk about my career arc? This is a New Zealand thing, right? So, you know, US, you know, you guys love to put people on a pedestal. You love to be the person on a pedestal. Yes, yes. In New Zealand, you know, in New Zealand, the tall poppy syndrome is, you know, is live and large. I see. And so, yeah, once anybody gets too successful, you know, then it's up to the rest of us to pull them down to our level. Okay, I understand. We all think we could be the prime minister if we just gave it a go, for example. I think we all feel that way. That's a very American. Yeah, in the United States, we all feel that way these days.

4:03Glenn, tell me a little bit about your life. I want to get to know Glenn Hart from Auckland, New Zealand. What's going on in your life? Well, so because I work in breakfast radio, I have to arrive here at the station about 3.45 a.m. Nope. So that means my alarm goes off at 2.52. Oh, my God. So, Sona, you don't want a job at Breakfast Radio? No, I'm good. I'll pass. She just threw up on the floor. Yeah. Sona's working hours in her contract are 1 in the afternoon to 1.30 in the afternoon. And then we have to pay for her Uber to and fro. That sounds like a big day. So you get up at close to 2 o 'clock in the morning.

4:43What time do you go to bed? As soon as I can. Yeah, all I ever want to do is be asleep. So generally about quarter past eight. Okay. I try and get a little nap in in the afternoon after lunch, depending on what's going on in my life, because otherwise by about 6 p.m., I'm not making any sense at all. Yeah, you haven't made a lick of sense since you got on with us. Well, it could be the accent. Yeah, and you're bleeding from the mouth. Just a little word to the wise. Okay, so you've got crazy hours. Do you have a family? Yeah. So I have a wife and two daughters, grown up daughters. They did both actually leave and go off to university and then both came back again.

5:30How do you feel about that, Glenn? I think we know. How do you feel about that, Glenn? Yeah, I think Matt picked up on a little tone there, as I said. There was about a six-week period when my wife and I were empty nesters, and we just sat around frequently just looking at each other, saying things like, hey, what do you want for dinner? And we'd say, oh, I don't know, just a toasted sandwich would be fine. Sure. And everything was nice and casual. You're not cooking for anybody. You're not driving people around to places. And then, yeah, that six weeks went by and then it all went out the window again.

6:07Wait, so you had six weeks of being empty nesters. Then they're back. They're back in the house. Then one of them broke up with their boyfriend and moved back in. What are your daughter's names? So Billy and Macy. OK, Billy and Macy. I get the sense that you wouldn't be unhappy if Billy and Macy maybe got their own place. Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I love these girls, right? Yes. um but but uh so billy for example uh she has uh her masters in classical performance music and clarinet and so she's gone on to uh be a teacher she teaches other kids how to play clarinet and she also plays piano and teaches piano teaches saxophone um and sometimes she does this in our house while i'm trying to get that afternoon nap so you know it would be great if that was just happening and the other the other daughter loves clogging she likes to yeah we're the traditional lead clogs which is before wood uh okay so um listen don't get me wrong i understand what you're saying you're a good dad you and your wife love your kids but it might be nice if they had their own place yes yeah okay how do you suggest he does that well how would it go over if i spoke to them oh would i have any sway with your daughters at all?

7:29Well, maybe. So when I told my family that I was coming on this podcast, and I said, you know who Conan O 'Brien is, right? And they were kind of semi-blank stares. They sort of had an idea. And I explained, you know, Conan, he's a famous, you know, late show host, you know, you know. And my youngest daughter said, oh, he's not one of the bad ones is he oh oh he didn't do something bad did he well yes i've done bad things but i i know yeah but we covered it up it was in the late 80s before i got on television yeah um okay so they're not they don't sound like they're super fans of mine to put it mildly yeah let's let's put it that way listen listen sometimes a blank stare you can see a little bit of slight recognition in there.

8:17Maybe if they saw my face, it would change from blank stare more to, I don't know, horror. Who can say which way it would go? But I'm very convincing, Glenn. And maybe I could find them a place and move them into it. What do you think? This sounds this is music to my ears. Yeah. I have been waiting for somebody to come and not clarinet, which is great. Yeah. So she's a great clarinet player. But, you know, it's like Spongebob and Squidward, right? There's only so much that you can take and then listen the clarinet is fine in doses and uh that's fine but i she sounds very talented uh they sound like lovely young women but i think they need to move out of your house and i think they need to talk to someone they look up to and admire unfortunately we don't know who that is but i mean you you are you are taller than both of them so they would be looking up to you You know, sometimes what about old Simpsons episodes?

9:16Maybe I could show them old Simpsons. Sometimes people who don't know my work now, like old Simpsons episodes that I worked on. Yeah. No, one of my daughters was just saying the other night, they just rewatched the monorail episode. There you go. There you go. I know. You could say the man behind the monorail episode is here and he's going to help you move into a new apartment. Yeah, boy, has he got something to sell you. Yes, exactly. And I could sing the monorail song to them. I'm telling you, I could. Monorail. Monorail. Yes, I know. Monorail. Apartment. Apartment. Apartment. Apartment. Yes.

9:54It's nice and cozy on your own. Apartment. Get a job. Apartment. It's kind of a separate home. Apartment. Apartment. This bed folds out and it sleeps too. Apartment. Apartment. Apartment. Don't be dead after two. Yeah, apartment. See? We're doing it. I think the two of us could get them out of the house. And I say that again with love. I mean, I like - Me too. Absolutely. I know you love them. Me less so because they don't seem to know my work. But I'll get over it. I'll get over it. But I like you, Glenn. And I would like to help. I'd like to help you if I could. That's all. Hey, that's all I can ask.

10:37Well, no. A lot of people ask for other things too. I was going to give you money, but you said that's all I can ask. So you fucked that up real good. It's just a one-time offer. Okay.

10:58And what about the show? If I went on the show, would I be a good guest for your show or is it not that kind of program? Is it more serious? No, it most definitely is that kind of program. I mean, for instance, we had the big country star Luke Combs on the show just this week. Oh, do your kids know who Luke Combs is? I really hope not. I'm not a huge fan myself of country music. Wow. Well, I'm glad Luke Combs already did the interview. I know. I'm glad he's out of the building. Hey, you got him on tape. I hope not. Wow. I just can't believe I did a drive-by on Luke Combs. Yeah. You just shit on a guest on your show who you were bragging about.

11:39You're like, hey, we got Luke Combs. You like him? No. Oh, wow. So the question is, though, Conan, could you get up early enough in the morning to come in and be on a breakfast show? Of course I could. Are you an early riser? Yeah, of course I could get up. Hey, listen, I'm ready to go anytime, day or night. OK, I am always present, always ready to go. Right. Well, then you'd be a perfect guest. Let me ask you, maybe because you've been working in broadcasting for a long time in the radio section. I only started doing the podcast about five years ago. Is there any advice you can give me? Any advice for Conan?

12:19I'm always looking to improve. Just kidding. I'm sorry. That was funny. I know. You can see why I was so taken aback. Because I've been listening for pretty much the whole duration of the podcast. Yeah, I know. I was kidding about the whole advice thing. I just wasn't expecting you to ask for it. Yeah, I know. I don't know what I was thinking. Listen.

12:44Listen, I think I like you. You seem like a fine fellow. You've got a good sense of humor. You wear a shirt that matches exactly the color of what's behind you. Which is why you'll never be a weatherman. Like I say, New Zealanders, we just like to fade into the background. Yeah, exactly. Um, how would I, uh, how would I get along in, in New Zealand? If I come to New Zealand, how would the people treat me? Do you think? Um, I, I think that they might, we do, there isn't a guy called Chris Parker who is a tall redheaded comedian in New Zealand. And people might think that you're him if they don't know that you're you.

13:19Okay. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. As long as he's well-liked, I'll take it. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's very, he's, he's very popular. So if I go into restaurants and say i'm chris barker um and i want a lamb pie they'll they'll serve it that'll that'll work well except in new zealand we have this thing so you know the rule of six degrees of separation right yep that that you know everybody knows everybody in the world you know because you know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody yeah blah blah blah well in new zealand uh we call that rule two degrees oh so so so like i said there's only five million people here.

13:53So we know somebody who knows somebody. Right. So chances are you'll go into that restaurant and Chris Parker will actually be sitting there anyway. Yeah. OK, so that's my scam won't work. My scam of running up a big tab and putting it on this red haired Chris Parker probably not going to work out. And that's one of the main reasons why I wanted to be on your show, Conan, because, you know, you've talked to all these fantastic people, you know, people like Jeff Goldblum, people like Harrison Ford. And now I'm only two degrees away from those people. It's fantastic. Aren't you just one degree away?

14:24Well, I know you. You know them. That's two. I always get a bit confused by this, too. I get confused by it, too. I think it's two, because if it was just you, then you'd be one degree. I think it's more with Harrison Ford, because he can be a very distant person. Yeah. So I think it's five degrees of separation. Yeah, he's a degree and a half. He certainly sounded like he was trying to separate himself a little bit further away. I tend to frighten him. I like this. I like talking to you. And I wish you all the best with your daughters. And I think maybe if you start familiarizing them with my work, who knows?

15:02Yes. I've been trying to get them to watch Conan Musco. Trying to get them to watch. Yes. Drink this acid. Do it. It's good for you. If you go visit, first thing you have to do is an orientation where you do a presentation on who you are to them. Yes. Then you can get them in an apartment. Maybe that's what I do. Nice, like a PowerPoint. Yeah, I'll do a PowerPoint presentation on who I am and why they should care. Yes. And then I'll tell them to get out of the house. Yeah. Yes. So you can stand in front of a green screen with a pointer. Yeah. And, you know, here's the monorail on The Simpsons.

15:39Here's me looking a Norwegian in the street. Yeah. The whole arc of my career. That's all you know? That's all you know? Oh, my God. You just took Lincoln from wood chopper to Ford's theater. And you skipped the whole rest of the part. Listen. And then here's the house. Here's the apartment. Away from the house. Or the flat, as we would call it in New Zealand. We'll get you into a flat. I'm going to. Well, I hope someday we meet. I hope maybe it's possible that I can get your daughters to move nearby because you do love them. You care about them. You want them to, but enough of the clarinet at two in the morning.

16:24And we'll try and see if we can make that happen. I think that'd be nice. That would be a dream. Yeah. Dream come true. Well, that's what I do. Some people say I make dreams come true. I've never, no one's ever said that yet. Okay. What I said was aspirational. Okay. That someday someone's going to say you made my dreams come true. I see. Something that hasn't been said yet, but could be said in the future. Okay. So what you're saying is you could be in my dreams tonight. You frightened me. I didn't see you there. You drifted into the background again. Glenn, you're a madman. Hey, I haven't had a lot of sleep.

17:02I'm sorry. Yeah, you're a sleep deprived madman. Have a great day or night. I don't know. What time of day is it where you are now? It is just coming up to 10 in the morning here. Okay. So probably time for you to go to bed. Yeah, it's almost past my bedtime. done well my best to you not my best to your daughters because they don't seem to give a shit uh but we'll correct that and yeah we'll work on that have a terrific day and um i hope our paths cross i really do okay so do i i really hope they should i really hope they do you never know you never know in this crazy world what's gonna happen all right go change your shirt bye-bye Bye.

17:42See ya. Lovely to meet you, Matt. And Soda.

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