Timothy Olyphant Returns Again

23:12Oh, it's never better. Yeah. Never better. Okay, so he's in your favorite show, and he's beating up on the guy you hate the most. Well, he's my favorite guest because, yeah, because he gives us the freedom to do, like, there for us go him, or what's that phrase? You know what I mean? There for you go me. You know, he's - Did you go to college? I have a master's degree. There but for the grace of God go I. No, that's not it. Nope, that's not it. Blake, no one steps in. You know, Harrison Ford was here and told him to shut the fuck up. So did Tom Hanks. And Tom Hanks did it, too. and you know what?

23:45You're amazing. You always step in and go, excuse me, I think you meant TNT. No, we didn't mean. Anyway. You know what I mean. He comes in and he makes it okay for us to just, he takes over and we can just relax. You know what I mean? A little bit like he, he does what we normally have to kind of do. You guys have to be like the stop gap against the madness. Yeah. Just occurred to me, Hanks, that's how he got into Toy Story. Oh, yeah. He pulled some strings. Yeah. He pulled some strings. Well, I wish I had. Nice. I was disappointed to find out that Hanks is in it. I didn't think he would be. I thought they would have moved on from the Woody thing.

24:20And I thought I was the main focus. And then they find out that all those guys are in it. I'm sorry. And I was thinking, well, what am I doing here? You know, what's the point of bringing in the big gun if you've already got those guys? Yeah. Let's keep talking about your stuff. Toy Story 5 comes out, I believe, June 2026. That's always the best one, guys. That's always the best one. 2026. They went as far as they could without me. What are you playing? What are you? I don't want to talk about it. You're like a... I'm a synthetic. I bleed milk. Sleep. I got blonde hair. Are you a little action figure?

24:55We'll see.

25:05Be honest. The two of us. Oliphant, O 'Brien. I'm ready to be honest. Okay. No, no. But seriously, the two of us in something together. Why have we not monetized this relationship? Because we have. Every time we hang out, you say, let's figure out a way to monetize this friendship. Yeah. Yeah, I do. And then. Yeah. I'm always on a. And I'm Wade. I'm always on a Zoom. Yeah. With faux Michael Cera over here. And we're figuring out a way to try and let's get some coin out of this, you know? Jesus. Yeah. I think it's like a midnight run situation where you're a cool loose cannon cop and you're an accountant that he has to take across country or something like that.

25:41You know, you're handcuffed together. No. No? I think I am. Okay, I'm out of ideas. A porn star, you know, a guy who's known for having a big Johnson. And then this guy comes along and he's like, teach me. What do you think, guys? Yes. And. I know, I would, I think it'd be, we got something. And clearly I would be very happy to play some kind of subordinate role. I mean, I get it. You're the movie guy. I'm not that guy. But I think there's a project out there. There's a short film. There's something we do together. I love that. I see. I always assumed you wanted first billing. No. No, you're okay with being.

26:25I would totally. Yeah. I'm sorry. I would have spoke up. I have ideas. So the only thing stopping you is you thought I would get top billing. Yeah. No, no. He's going to count pages. I'm deluded, but I'm not that deluded. I'm deluded in many ways, but no, I think this would be something that you drive. I mean, you've got it all. You're a leading man. You're a character actor. You've got it all. Can we be like just a little short, little five minute things? No, I want it longer than that. You want to like full on. Yeah. Yeah. I want it to be like at least 25 minutes long. Maybe my ideas are all about the length.

27:01Yeah. It's like, I've got it. It's 28 minutes. And then I don't know what it is. but I do think us together that's a magical there's something here it's not peanut butter and jelly but it's like peanut butter and then almond butter together on a sandwich yeah and I feel it there's something here and by the way it's here right now it's here now people feel it yes they do they do there's an affection but there's also an animosity and when those two come together it's like when they cross the streams in Ghostbusters we got you Gourley back in the conversation tell us about it Ghostbusters that's what brought you back I mean what do you want me to say I don't know Isn't this where you go, well, they don't curse the streams.

27:37It's a tripartite stream. No, you were right, you son of a bitch. Not a fan of his. Wait, did you just say that about me? Not at all. I'm not the microphone. Do I get to speak my truth at some point? No. Okay. All right. All right. You admire me, and this is all an act. I said desperately. I'm imagining you coming over here and getting in your head about this, because it's you. You're like, I'm going to be talking to Conan. And he says, okay, okay. Oh, me? Yeah. I do get a little nervous. Why do you get nervous? I'm not even, I don't know, but the show business, I get a little nervous. I was like, yeah, I got a thing.

28:16What am I going to talk about? Should I plan some bits? I like bits. You do like bits. You always. I saw Smiley down there. I was like, ah, why didn't I do a pre-interview? Frank Smiley's in the building. We don't do, it'd be great if we did pre-interviews. I know. And we had planned all of this. Whatever the fuck it is we do, we plan this out. I don't like the people feeling like we're wasting their time, which. That's what this is. Remember the first time you came on, you had written an ad and you just interrupted the interview to do your own ad? I did my own ad. It was great. I had some bits.

28:48Yeah. I did my own ads. Appreciate your memory. You bet. Yeah. And I thought, oh, I could bring ads again. People love ads. People love the ad bit. They do. Feel free to make one up at any time. I mean, you can always make something up. Whatever you want to promote. you can promote a product that you want to be involved with. Oh, that's a great idea. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know if you want a Rolex watch or you want a Maserati, you start talking about it and maybe you manifest it. That's smart. Yeah. What's your next question?

29:19Do you have questions? What are some of your questions? What have you always thought? I want to ask him this next time I see him. You've been in a fight, a real fight. Not since I was quite young. Okay. Like how young?

29:35Fights, is that maybe high school, junior high school? Somewhere around there, junior high school. Or maybe, yeah, somewhere around there. But even then, were you shouting, not the face, not the face?

29:49I'm to be an actor, you see?

29:54He is good looking, we shouldn't hit him. Yeah. I would shout, not the face, and they would say, why? You would shout, the face, the face, the face. You might rearrange things in a more pleasing manner. Yeah. How about you? I was the, I got my face punched in in Boston once, down the North End. Yeah, near what was then the, I guess it might still be the aquarium. Yeah, I was walking with a friend of mine. Bunch of kids came over. They said, give us 50 cents. I said, I don't feel like it. And in the time when I finished saying, I don't feel like it, that I got hit so hard in the face. I think once, maybe twice.

30:33But anyway, shattered my nose and went to the emergency room. Yeah. And they had to remold. They had to make a nose out of scratch. And that's been my nose. And my mom, I think it looks the same. I think it looks fine. No one's ever said anything about my nose. But my mom, for years afterwards, would go, Well, they don't want to be rude. I know. My mom would go, You used to have a beautiful nose. Really? Not really. Yes. And I was like, Mom, I think it looks the same. I've seen photographs. but she would do that oh you used to have oh you could have been something with that and I'm like well I think I've done okay but anyway yeah I think your nose is nice I think so too how old were you?

31:08I was 18 18? yeah so the 50 cents part that was made up? no that was real back then 50 cents was the equivalent of 50 dollars today no it was 50 cents I'll never forget that really? I think he didn't want the 50 cents I think he wanted to cave my face in Give me 50 cents and let me hit you. I was told later that I was, I think I was wearing a - It's kind of a cool line now that I think about it. Yeah, hey. Hey, give me 50 cents. Give me 50 cents. Boom. Boom. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah, yeah. That's funny. Anyway, that's my story. I tricked you into me talking about me. You asked me - I think we rolled the tape back.

31:45It's about the third, fourth time. Yeah, but you said, how about you? That was your deadly error. That was your mistake. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My mistake for pretending to care. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Let me ask you, do you like it when just you and I go out and we involve the wives sometimes, beautiful Alexis, beautiful Liza. We involve them. But do you like it when it's the four of us or do you really like, oh, it's just me and Conan, man. This is going to get off the hook. You get more excited when it's just the two of us. Because I know I do. I think we all know that you do.

32:19Yeah, you didn't have to say it. We all knew that. I think they get more excited when it's just the two of us. we get to stay home and watch below deck. You have to listen to these idiots. That's a fair question. My wife told me to give you a message and ask about Liza and her family. And don't let me forget that. Okay. Because I realized we jumped right on the air. All right. I will do that. We will discuss that. Everything's good. Everyone's fine. Okay, good. That's nice of you to ask. She's fantastic. I love your wife. She's an amazing person. She's also, I just, I love her art as well. I've seen her crafting her.

33:01Did you guys just. Why did you make that sound? It sounds like you want to be her. No. Just to wake up every day. I love her. And he's right there. I love her as well. I don't know. I love her as well. Am I wrong? I want to. And we love your wife. And so she makes, she, I feel like Liza, both our wives have in common. they make us look better. I think that's fair. I think Sona put it best in my regard, which she said once about Liza. She's the only part of you I like. That's my favorite thing about you, for sure. Yeah, he can't be that bad. Liza, right? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, she's a redeeming quality.

33:42Yes. It's like you chose a running mate to make you electable. Hey, she got me Texas. Yes, she's your LBJ. She got me Louisiana. Exactly. Yeah, that's about right. She picked up some swing states and I won. Yeah, you think I don't sit here with a list of questions. I usually just let it happen. And I think that's the charm of this podcast. Oh, yeah, this is happening. Well, I think it is. You know, you keep, you know, and you do this every time. You question the process. You question my methods. And we always end up with a good pod. I love it. You're a chaos agent in the best way. That's what I like about it.

34:18It shakes this podcast up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I appreciate it. It's good to be here. Let's get started.

34:27We're out of time. I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you. Oh my gosh. That's all I've ever wanted. For you to be happy, you know? Who are your buds? Who are your pals? And let's exclude me for a second. But this is a guy, this Tim Olyphant, And this Tim O 'Fant's a guy who's loyal to his old pals. He's loyal to his old friends. You have friends from back in the day. Yeah. Back in the late 50s when no one lived out in LA. You wouldn't, you had your switchblade in your back pocket. Yep. You'd drive around in a 50 - I was texting him all this morning. We were getting texts this morning from my buddies.

35:05Oh, this guy also, he loves a jazz fest. Oh, man. Does he love to go to New Orleans and see a bunch of jazz and live music? And he wears a scarf around his head and he dances around. and he's always saying, you should come with us. And I think, no, I don't want to. Oh, yeah. I did mention you would, you would enjoy the, I don't know what I, a lot of gumbo. And I don't know, but that's my thing. It's good food, good times, good music. Okay. I didn't go this year. I think Pearl Jam was there this year. I think they headlined. They do jazz now? Jazz Fest says, don't make me explain jazz fest. I'm just going to say, I just pictured Eddie Vedderon's tape going, a bitty, bitty, bitty, bitty, bitty, bitty, I'm skelly-doo.

35:46Skelly-dee-dee-dee-dee. Crowd walking out. I love the way you play to them when you go off on these things. I try to crack them up. I just want you to know, you can't, I love it. I can't look at you when I'm doing this shit. The only reason we're on this show. All I see is judgment. This is my impression of you doing this show. So you like, do you go to, you go to Jazz Fest? I can see the...

36:14I've thrown my neck out Let me ask you Who are your buds? He's got buds He's got bugs They get kegs And they hang out at the canal Well, come on Yes Come on, get me Get me That's what the people like Come on, man He's gonna make quite a Reddit substack He's doing it again Is that a thing? I don't know Substack Reddit substack? I don't know Oh, man I don't know this world you guys are in. I don't know what it's up, Stag. I just know there is a thing. There is a thing. Yeah, I don't know what that is. No, you're too cool to know about it. You got your slides. You got whatever you've been working on lately.

36:52Paper mache volcano, whatever you've been crafting. Huh? You were asking about buds? Oh, yeah. Just who are my buds? Well, you're friends with people from way back in the day. I'm friends with - You're a loyal guy. I'm going to start shouting them out. So yeah, since I was like, yeah, my buddy since I was like six. I'm going to write these names down. Stoll. You've met it? I've met some of them. Yeah. My buddy Stoll. Steve Stoll. Yeah. Steve Stoll. Hey, Steve Stoll. Exactly. Smithers. Yep. Smithers. Smithers. Now you're just going to Simpsons characters. Bennett just texted me this morning. Yep.

37:23JB. Yep. Got a nice text from him. Yep. I did an episode of the show Stick. Yes. Stick. Yeah, it was really... Owen Wilson. I know my episode aired last night because I got texts from a bunch of buddies that just said, nice ass. Oh, you showed your ass. By the way, not my ass. Oh. And, oh, I'm so excited this came up. Because there's nothing better to me than, like, when you see The Hollywood Reporter and the story is, like, not Oliphant's ass in stick. You realize they have nothing to talk about in The Hollywood Reporter. Right, right. And it was a cover. Do they take, like, reference photos of your ass in jeans and try to match it with someone's bare ass?

38:04No, this is how it works. So I got the gig, which is a great gig. I enjoyed the hell of it. I'm going to preface the story with that. Owen Wilson. Can't get enough of Owen Wilson. So it's always something right before you start a job, there's always a little drama somewhere. And this was a small one, but right before I think I was about to get on the plane, they're like, hey, you have this scene and getting spray tanned and they think it'd be funny if you were naked. Are you okay with that? Or is that a problem? I asked Alexis, I said, hey, they want me to be naked and see my ass in this thing.

38:40And then she's like, well, what, what's in it for you? You know what I mean? Like, she's like nowadays, if you're naked on TV, you're basically naked on the internet. They've kind of ruined it. Right. Right. And it makes me so mad when, now when, when actors are naked on like mediocre shows. Yeah. I'm so mad. I was naked on Alf. That, that was Alf.

39:05you were a body you were al's body my dick was out that's what i was getting at yeah yeah yeah for two seasons my dick was out because the puppet got lost the contract dispute yeah yeah anyway i'm so happy i brought that this whole story led to that but listen so that's a win but your wife said best not to show your ass she was just like what's in it for you everything gets on the internet and then it's just your ass on the internet and and also and this is where she sold me she's like also you know you could leave you don't have to you know they can shoot that and you've left the set and you just will go out and i was like oh there you go yeah so i was like so yeah i won't get you have to get a body double yeah because i was like yeah that that buys me an evening right i leave while i shoot that part and then you show up and uh the body doubles there and i was like it's not in that great shape like it should have gotten me like a nicer ass i felt like yeah but it turns out is he had a great ass actually it just did you couldn't tell right so it's really great i i i think uh and now in fact i'm changing my story that was my ass now that i think about it is his headshot just his ass i wonder his naked ass but it's also the the naked ass as a chef the naked like it's that one it's four you know Four photos.

40:29Nerd, jock, chef, policeman, ass. See, if I'd done the pre-interview, I would really have punched that up, Smiley, that story. It would have been really good. I thought it was good. Yeah, we would have missed it. You thought it was okay? Yeah, I thought it was great. We would have missed the Alf thing. Oh, I mean, you're the best.

40:45Yeah, right. I saw you brought it back to Alf. I heard that. Fuck you, O 'Brien. Everyone knows that was really funny. You got a huge laugh. You played it to the people, and they totally sold. Very big, I'm counting. Very good. Matt set him up for that. We got to give credit where credit's due. That's fine. I'm used to just being forgotten. Oh my God. What's going on with him today? Oh no, this has nothing to do with here. It's just at home. Okay, yeah. I got you, Matt. We're going to do another podcast. Now you did a... Wait, can we just shut up? Yeah. Okay. Me and you? Yes. Come on. What are we going to do?

41:21I want to do a podcast called Actors on Actors Acting. Okay. And we just give notes. You know what I mean? We don't really talk about the good stuff. We talk about the, we're like, what happened there? You know what I mean? We pick up those roles. You know what I mean? Yeah. We bring out really great people. Lots of, we introduce them with lots of like, you were in this, that was great. You were in that one, loved it. But this one. Like when Gary Oldman was in that movie called Tiptoes, where he played a little person, but he did the door thing. Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman? Yeah. This is real. This is real.

41:53What happened there moment? Yeah. Yeah, what happened there? Yeah, what happened? Was that a, like, where were you chasing? At one point when you were shooting it, did you go, uh-oh. Like, this isn't going to work. And how come you didn't go, uh-oh, sooner? Exactly. And then we just talk about that. Is there an actor who's never had a what happened there moment? Like a Ralph Fiennes who's just like always. It might be Ralph Fiennes. What? Oh, no, Avengers. Not the Marvel Avengers. He did that. Oh, that's right, with the umbrellas. Yeah, that's right. It was Connery and Uma Thurman. And Jesse Eisenberg.

42:31No, Michael Cera as Jesse Eisenberg. That's right. That one didn't work, right? He was good. He's always good. Yeah. What about when he did, he was, for a while there, he was like romantic leading man, just like for a blip. He was like, he did a patient. Was he made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez? Yes, he was. Yeah. Yeah. Ralph Fiennes was? Yes. Yeah. Okay, so I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. What happened? You acted like it was a question. Like, huh, did he? But it was really you saying, oh, he totally missed with Made Manhattan. Yeah, I saw what you did. Oh, because I— Apologies, Rafe.

43:03By the way, he's so good. He's very good. Let's be honest. What about you? Have you had a moment where you were like, what was I— I love that we say he's so good. I've seen him not in all—I just saw him. I've seen him on stage twice. Oh, my God. Like, oh, my God. What was he in? Like Shakespeare? I saw him in Shakespeare way back when on Broadway with a young Damien Lewis really good yeah he's fantastic I love that guy that guy's a good dude I haven't talked to that guy in a long time but he's a good dude I don't know if I've met him I realize when I'm on the show it occurs to me people might listen people probably listen to it some people if Damien Lewis is listening to this I want him to know Adam I can't speak to numbers but this is a big it's very big Damien Lewis probably listens probably listens he's a wonderful we're doing Damien Lewis numbers Adam knows Everyone who listens.

43:50He's a wonderful guy. He's a good guy. I loved him. I loved him as Henry VIII. He was fantastic. He's a crazy good actor. Good dude. We were in a movie that was really bad. Which one? But it was fun. That could be like, oh, what happened there? Dreamcatchers? Yeah, Dreamcatchers. Wow. I love Larry Kasdan, too. I am the right man of movies. What if it wasn't the movie he was talking about? Oh, yeah, you just added one. Trust me. How did you pull Dreamcatchers out of your ass? I don't know. Well, Damien Lewis is in it. He had a cast member. Yeah. He had a cast member. Okay. All right. I just love movies.

44:27What can I say? I don't know. I just have a database in here that I'm not proud of. It was a great, God, that was a fun set. A great experience. Yeah, the movie didn't work. But Damien, yeah, that's where I met Damien. You have the memories of memories of Mason. So many memories. Yeah. Oh, so many good ones. Oh, and you guys were in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood together, too. Oh, there you go. he was Steve McQueen right yes he was yes he was he was great as Steve McQueen yeah really good he had a one day I'm sure there's gonna be a long version of that film and if I'm not mistaken he has a really cool scene with Leo there was talk of maybe there being other projects coming out there is there's a sequel that Tarantino wrote in Fincher's directing about Brad Pitt's oh I didn't know that yeah wow okay alright All right.

45:17All right. What's happening? Yep. Yeah, my question. What's that? Nothing. Are they filming this? My question is. I love that they're. That camera just caught whatever you did. I don't know. But we can cut it. I don't know. Do you want us to cut it? I don't know. There'll be. I don't. Let's see. I'll cut. I'm hoping I'm in it. Oh, gotcha. That'd be exciting. That'd be good. That'd be amazing. You never know. It only is what it is. Yeah. But my understanding. You must have. So that's probably the kind of thing that you've... Tim, that's a big... I was gonna be in it. Hey, Tim.

45:57That'd be a big deal that you would probably tell your friends about, right? I haven't seen you. Are you talking about... You haven't seen me? Yes, you've seen me. You saw me like a month ago. When we went to the... Was that two months ago? When did we go to your art installation? Art installation? Yeah. You came to the studio. Yeah. We got a bite to eat. It was nice. That's where the future is, guys. Kids are listening. Don't go into show business. Go into ceramics. I bought six pots from you. You're telling your friends? Are you telling your friends? Are you telling Stack? Are you telling Smithers?

46:34Are you telling... No. I wrote them down. That's the only thing you've written down this whole time. Did you tell Bennett? Did you tell Bennett with a K? JB. What's that? Bennett. What's a stupid name? JB. I like Bennett. It should be Bennett. Bennett. Tell him to change it to Bennett. Anyway, I think you would have told me that you knew what a huge fan I am of the first film. You think you would have mentioned that to me? Oh, no, no. I think I just got a, it was just a few weeks ago. I wasn't sure when there was. Yeah, okay. I mean, I'm still not sure. We won't dwell on this. Find out about this and say, you know, what's he doing talking about it?

47:08He's out. Okay. It's all good. We got a lot of things going on. So we go, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. when does this thing come out oh no i'm not going to start talking about other projects what am i here to i'm here to sell the alien thing no you're not here to sell it you and i have a great conversation which we're having by the way whatever you think and then and then they say i gotta have more of that tim olyphant what was he talking about at the end and then we say uh alien earth oh the aliens come to earth that's fantastic i've got to see that i've heard that's really great yeah they shot it in thailand and tim olyphant's in it he was so great on the podcast I gotta see this Thailand

47:50Two for two Works every time Swatikop You know what's the thing about You're a travel guy You got the travel show I'm a travel guy yeah I got the travel show So well versed in my work You do the thing Where there's different places You're the places guy I'm going to just go play to them You're the places guy You go to the places Okay so here's the thing about the travel It's such a fine line Between trying to respect The language and the accent And then you're like now you just sound racist You know what I mean It's like if you just say like They're like no that's not how it goes But if you go like You know they're like okay now you're making fun of us You know what I mean you gotta find this little sweet spot Yes.

48:42Right? Exactly. That's been your experience? Nope. Not at all. I always get it just right. Very culturally sensitive. But keep doing your version of the wrong one. Just do it a couple more times. It's all these different, when you go into a different land with the culture, did I tell you, we had been in Thailand for a few weeks, and we're using the translate thing, the app. So you say the English, pops back out in Thai, and then you say that so we're getting we got our couple things down right and uh at least you know i feel pretty confident and we're branching out now and we're now at restaurants and uh i've been i've been asking uh the waiters at any of the restaurant i've been pointing the menu and saying you know what do you like yeah like what's your favorite right but saying that in time and um i'm getting nothing they're not giving me like it's it just seems to be not working yeah So it occurs to me that if you go on the app, if you can say it in English and it says to you in Thai, that I can flip that.

49:46So I'm like, oh, I say it in Thai and it'll tell me back in English and I'll know now if I'm saying it correctly. So I start off with the basics just to make sure I'm saying it right. So I'm, you know, and then it's like, it's saying whatever that was, hello or right. And you're saying, thank you, goodbye and hello. and then I say, and what is your favorite? And I say that. And it comes back and says, gaze into my eyes.

50:25And it all starts to make sense. So for at least two dinners. You were telling people. Clearly this is me. It's pretty good, right? Gaze into my eyes. Huh? Gaze into my eyes? That's fantastic. I'm surprised no one just sort of got down and looked right into your face. I tried it so seriously, too. Like, I would really be like, just gaze into my eyes.

50:58But they're nice people, you know? They're very good people. They were very nice. And the food's extraordinary. And you're a foodie as well. Did I tell you, here's another cultural thing. Yep. I'm not letting you in on Brian. I got stuff to tell you. Because you think, you think, right? There's certain things you think universal. We're all right. And I'm with my buddy, Jonathan. Hello to Jonathan out there. He's American who's been living in Thailand for like 15 years. And every now and then he gets a hankering for just something very American. So we went into a subway. He's like, I'm going to get a meatball sandwich.

51:33and he orders the footlong meatball sandwich. And this, God bless him, what a sweet young Thai kid on the other side of the counter. He gets out the bread and then he gets the little scooper they use. And it's one meatball, two meatball. They're in there going up. Not the length of the bread. He's building a tower. So he's got a loaf of bread and a tower. A tower of meatballs. This is when it gets good. He then gets the other piece of bread and he puts it on there. What? And that's when he realizes he's done something wrong.

52:13Bread touching bread, touching bread, touching bread. Because he looked up at us like he knew something was off, but he wasn't sure what. And I was like, like, I give him a little nod to the... Tip those meatballs, buddy. So not everything translates. That's my point. I'm going to get you on this project one last time. Is this Noah Hawley who worked on this project? Yes. Okay. I'm asking you this because Fargo is one of my, I'm a fanatic for the Coen brothers. And when Fargo came out, it remains one of my favorite movies of all time. I can quote from that movie. I know it frame by frame. When I heard that they were going to do a TV show called Fargo, I said, this is going to suck.

52:59There's no way this can be good because it's someone saying, no, we're doing a TV show about The Godfather 1 and 2. I just think that's going to be terrible. That can't work. Don't touch my movie. I've been stunned by his work. Yeah. I think it's absolutely fantastic. And so I'm excited for this. Yeah. Alien Earth. And I know you're excited. Well, yeah, taking another movie and turning it to TV. It's in good hands. It is in good. I do think it's in good hands. I've seen a couple of them and it's really special. It was special reading them. It was one of those jobs where it was more fun the more we shot.

53:33I felt more, when I say fun, like the work, the material, you could just feel. It was like, oh, this is going to be special. That was kind of a nice, I just had a ball. I had a ball. Can't wait. And Noah's a really special writer, so he's a fun one to work with. Well, we screw around a lot here, but I will say to you, sincerely, which I know you hate, uh you're an amazing actor i love uh watching you do your thing i'm very fascinated by acting because i am not an actor i don't fundamentally understand it i'm always asking you because tim is really good at analyzing uh performances and telling me what he thinks and i will just ask him about movies i'll ask him about actors i'll ask him what is it they're doing that's and you're very good at explaining to me how you you know how it translates what you think is happening there, how it works.

54:27So delighted to see this. Very happy for you. And I just want us to go out, just the two of us, no wives, maybe to Thailand. Maybe to, you know. He's ruined it. He ruined it. I haven't had a chance to circle back to say a sincere thank you before he ruined it. I know. I know. We'll kill you, the two of us in Bangkok, just driving around. One motorcycle, you know, my arms wrapped around you, behind you. Kap koon krap. Gaze into his eyes. How can I gaze into your eyes if I'm the motorcycle behind you? Tim Offant, go with God because I won't do this anymore. Okay. That's it. I'm ending this. I'm just going to throw down.

55:09It's got to stop. Let's stop it. No, let's stop it now. Let's stop it on my terms. Is that the thing? It's a control thing? Yeah, I got to end it. No! No! No, please, please come back. I mean, come on. All right. This is a valuable. My favorite. Thanks for having me.

55:36We have a special guest in studio today. David Hopping, you very recently acquired a dog. Yeah, two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. And this fellow is in studio. Yes. Because you have been bringing him in. I told you you could. Yeah. And then you took advantage. Well, he has some separation anxiety, and it's nice that he's with us. Took advantage. I have separation anxiety from professionalism. Why don't we? Oh my God. Man, I'm shooting from the hip, and I don't know if I'm hitting anything, but I love it. When I draw that fast, it's either gonna be very good or like, what the fuck? Either way, I get the giggles.

56:17Atlas, where are you? This is Atlas. This is Atlas. Can you have Atlas sit up? I mean, we want to, if people are tuning in on video, Atlas is very good looking. He's a beautiful pup. And I have to say, you sent me a picture from the shelter and I thought, oh, you might have made a mistake because it looked like you would. What? No, because, let me explain, because he looked like a massive German shepherd. Oh. Oh, yeah. And I thought he was three times bigger than this because he photographed like a monster. Yeah. And then I meet him. He's a very gentle fellow. Aw, funny. Is he part German shepherd?

56:51Not that big. a Belgian Malinois, but we don't know what else he's mixed with. What is a Belgian Malinois? It's like a police dog. Oh. Are you smart? So watch out. Why did you say that so sensually? Because I've never heard of that word. What is a Belgian Malinois? I don't know. Because that's the only way you can say Malinois. Can you tell me, this breed, what are their specialties? What is a Belgian Malinois? Malinois. Okay. They're supposed to be really smart, which he is. They have a lot of energy. He loves to run around. He ran around at your house last week. That's right. You brought him over.

57:26And my dogs were not home at the time. They were vacationing in St. Barts. That's the ultimate in the bubble thing. My dogs are at St. Barts. But he's very good looking and he's really sweet. He's the best. Aren't you? Yes, you are. Do you think he's bummed he can't be a dog? Like a cop dog? Sorry. I think a cop dog do dog shit with the cops. He doesn't really like going on walks. He likes to sit in the air conditioning. So I think he's fine. I think the dog's fine. I'm a little worried about soda. What is your problem? I don't know. Because his friends are all like cop dogs. I'm just wondering if he missed his calling.

58:10No. Dogs aren't only friends with other people in their breed. All cops are just friends with the cops. It's true. It's what happens. They go to the same dog cop bar. How is your life changing? Let's talk about that. Well, I mean. Because you're in a relationship. Yeah. How's Dustin doing with all this? Oh, Dustin, he was like so excited to get a dog. Okay. Are you guys both out of the house each day? Are you in the, do you cohabitate? Yes. Okay, so is the dog home alone a lot? Not yet. We're working on it. We're building up. That's why he's here today. That's why he's here right now. Have you tried some of the tricks?

58:47There are things you can do. to make a dog feel like it's not alone. Yeah. Well, you suggested we get like a heartbeat thing. Yeah. So we're trying that out. There's something that simulates a heartbeat. I've used it in my marriage.

59:05My wife was like, you're human. I knew it. And then the little thing fell out of my T-shirt.

59:12It's like a full stuffed animal too. No, it's a little device that goes in the stuffed animal. Oh, got it. Yeah, it fits in a little sleeve in the stuffed animal and it gives it a little heartbeat. And they're for like kittens and puppies. Atlas might be a little old for that. Yeah, he does like watching TV. Like he knows when I say it's Love Island time, he jumps up on the couch. He's definitely your son. He loves this YouTube dog channel. Does he like, does he actually watch the TV? Because I have one of my dogs watches the TV and gets engaged. Yeah, Oki loves Isle of Dogs. That Wes Anderson movie.

59:44Yeah, that's a good one for pups. My dog likes Kurosawa. Okay. Fancy dog. No, loves the Criterion channel. Okay. Yeah. That's cool. Doesn't quite get the seventh seal. What's, oh, yeah, you're calling your dog. I thought you were. He's coming to me. I mean, he just likes me and stuff. Oh, okay. Those are for Sona to eat? Yeah. I was going to say. I used to give Sona treats. When she'd get a task done right. When she'd do it right, remember? Yeah. But it was alcohol. Good job. You called that person. Here you go. Yeah. So how is he changing your life? I mean... You gotta get up and walk him in the morning.

1:00:24It's good. It's a lot of walking, which is good. Dogs make you move more than you normally would. Yeah. We can't go to Disneyland as much, but it's worth it. Oh, I'm sorry. As much, you said, but you still go. Well, we haven't since we got him. Can't you dress him as Goofy or something and go... Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, you could dress him as a character. Can't you fake him as a service dog or something? Yes. I mean, that just feels wrong. And also, you just revealed the scam. Yeah. Yeah, now everyone at Disney's gonna know. Does he like when Andy brings his dog in? He hasn't met Andy's dog.

1:00:54Oh, I thought they were both here together today. Gina's dog. Oh, Gina's dog. Yeah. My dog's coming by. It's a very dog-friendly office here. I should bring Oki. You should. He used to. I know. I brought my rat in, but Evie killed it. Aww. She thought it was a random rat. It had a little bow tie. Yeah, she also killed my cockroach I brought in. Jesus, I can't catch a break around here He's really, he's a good looking fella He's the best How old is he? This is the best use of the The best use of the podcast is to bring in a really cute animal And then talk about how good it looks And people are listening in their cars like, what is this?

1:01:32Well But he's, I think there's a calming energy It humanizes me to have a dog in the room No, it just touched my leg, get it away from me No, it doesn't It doesn't humanize you Well, something will Let's get you that heartbeat thing. It keeps falling out of my t-shirt. Yeah. Well, you should try one of these tricks, David. I will. You know? I... Sorry. I was going to say I love an animal-friendly work environment. Yeah. Thanks for doing that. Well, it was against my will. Would we ever get a studio cat, you know? You know, it's interesting. Like the Algonquin Hotel? When we started the late night show way back in 1993, somehow, I forget what happened, but someone maybe found a cat brought a cat in and there was a cat that lived in 30 Rock in our studios for I want to say two months while we were putting the show together and then I think you know it's it's NBC it's 30 Rock you can't have a cat there someone I think blew the whistle on us and so the cat was deported oh yeah whoever blew the whistle sucks yeah it was me yeah it sure was it sure was it was not it was not I wish I could remember the cat's name but that's one of those trivia things that you know someone will call in and tell me you know Robert Smigel or Dino Stamatopoulos one of those guys that was in the trenches in the early days will remember I bet people are just waiting for the answer people have pulled their cars over and they're just sitting there waiting well you're just gonna have to wait what was the name of that cat well now I do want to know yeah we'll find out okay we'll find out I'll get it to you uh eduardo how are you i haven't seen you great i mean you've been sitting there yeah i've been here the whole time i know i look right through you i just saw a seattle mariners cap floating in the air and no person attached to it wow now you've faded into view beep beep beep do you have a dog or a cat i had a dog i don't i don't anymore yeah sorry you brought it down no my dog no my dog passed away like 10 years ago so oh yeah i'm trying to warm my wife up to us having a dog but She didn't grow up with a dog, so she doesn't know what that entails.

1:03:45Would you get a little dog or a big dog? Whatever she'd be cool with. This guy knows the idea. It's all dog people, huh? Just nobody else has a cat here. No one has a cat here, right? Well, no, we have cats too. We have cats and dog. I want to get a parrot on my shoulder. That's another story. And we're an eyepatch and walk around. And have the parrot say, you're lame. You're lame. You're lame. Old bit. Old bit. Arr, arr. Old bit, old bit. Arr! Old bit. Arr! Oh my God. All right, well, we had a good time, I thought. I thought we really had a good time. Listen, welcome to Atlas. You're welcome here.

1:04:25Thanks for letting me bring him in. Well, you know, for now, it's okay. Okay. Keep in mind. Hanging by a thread, that dog. Hanging by a thread. Look at him. He's so happy. He's a very chill presence. That's a good dog. Very chill presence, yeah. Really nice guy. Good dog, hi. our dog our puppy now who's about a year is insane so so cute though yeah what's your puppy's name uh Odin oh you could do all like Norse gods that was the kids yeah the kids mandated these Norse names they were in a Norse phase so uh yeah we had a cat named Thor I mean we went through all everybody yeah Loki Thor Odin um what else is there Skarsgård Abba Skarsgård yeah

1:05:09Skellen Skarsgård, come here. Different Skarsgårds. Skarsgårds you haven't heard of. Alexander Skarsgård, come here. Alexander comes running. Skellen, come here. Skellen? There's a Skellen Skarsgård, I think. There's a, Stellan. Stellan, Stellan, okay. And then ones you haven't heard of that decided, you know, to go into anesthesiology. Lactyka Skarsgård. Krakten, Krakten Skarsgård. Umlauts flying everywhere, rolling around on the floor like marbles. Well, Atlas, here's to you. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

1:05:51Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

1:06:03Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan.

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