Tracee Ellis Ross Returns

21:06I like watching my work back for numerous reasons, particularly on Blackish and stuff. Being able to see how something's being shot, what's being covered, what's working, what isn't working. I'm very vain, but I'm not very critical of, particularly with acting. Like, I like when my face does weird things. When I watched Candy Cane Lane, my response was, oh, great. My wig didn't look wiggy. And boy, do I make stupid facial expressions. I mean, the camera cuts to me and I'm like, what the fuck? My face is like... I love how stupid my face is. It feels to me like... I just love that it does dumb things.

21:45And I'm not, because, you know, you look at some actresses sometimes and the camera comes back to them and they're like. And you're like, what is that? Are you putting mascara on?

22:05I wonder if having growing up with such an iconic mom in music and singer and I mean it's just and and in movies if you knew early on oh I can be really funny in a way that sets me apart it's my thing. Does that make sense? You know, in one sense, it wasn't on purpose. It wasn't a conscious sort of shift. But like when I was 22, my mom said to me, it's time for you to record an album because I sang all through growing up. And I was like, no way. Like it felt too scary. I don't know that I consciously went towards being funny, but my dad, my personality is like his. He's hilarious. And I loved Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball growing up.

22:49And I felt a real kinship with that kind of of screwball-ness and the ability to kind of not care what you look like, which is, I think, because I've never done stand-up, although I really want to, but the ability to kind of have that freedom in your body. But it definitely has been my path. I mean, my name is Joy. My middle name is Joy. I wonder if it's sort of, I just came out kind of bubbly. But I don't know. It's such an interesting thing. I think I grew up always wanting to be a woman in a sparkly dress on a stage. Me too. Right? How's that going? Serious treatments. It's more expensive than I thought.

23:31It's like skiing. Yeah.

23:36Well, it's funny because one of the things you said that I can relate to is I love, one of the things I've always loved about comedy is there's no vanity. I love it so much. I never think about how, I'll admit there are some times lately with high def cameras and as I age where I'm like, oh my God. Couldn't someone have told me that half my face rotted off before we shot that thing? But mostly, couldn't they have done some, like taped that up a little bit before I went out there? Or put some Vaseline on the screen on the lens? But mostly I know that if people like what I'm doing, it's not because they want to break off a chunk of that.

24:17They're just, I'm sorry. That's a phrase that's going to stick. I want to ride that horse and then break off a chunk. Just no, just no. I'm going to have nightmares. Okay, sorry. Well, that's what I do for women. But I like the surrendering of vanity that goes a lot with comedy. I love it so much. And, you know, you referenced Lucille Ball and what people often forget and you don't think about it is you and Lucille Ball are very beautiful women who then do comedy really well. And so there's this thing where you can, I mean, Lucille Ball was stunning, stunningly glamorous, but felt nothing about, oh yeah, put a prosthetic nose on it and let's have it catch fire.

25:02Or let's have me crying and have my face contorted. Let's have me stuffing chocolates into my mouth as you guys recreated on the Emmys the other night. Like this is just something that I love is the surrendering all of that. Yeah, sure. I can look amazing if I want to, but I'm doing this right now. I think there's also for me like a sense of pure freedom where like every choice is is yours. And that for me, that it's like literally from my little toe to the hairs on my head get to participate in the thing I'm doing. And I just and I do love that there's no vanity involved. There really isn't for me.

25:40I think the uglier I look, the better I think it is. I think it's funnier when there's a selflessness to how you lean in there. that Lucy bit was I think it was you Natasha Lyonne recreating the chocolate conveyor belt at the I do believe I literally before we went on stage I was like I mean the little girl in me was jumping up and down she was like so excited and so excited and then they forgot the prop of the papers oh we had it in every rehearsal and I was trying to explain because people like it was so funny I was like but you have to understand And if you understand comedy, if you have nowhere to go and you have to start at the top, then it's not you can't do the thing you do because there's nothing to work from.

26:26So it was slapstick. And we went there. It was fine. I went there. I mean, I was I got to tell you guys, an hour later after we took the wig off and the eyelashes, I took the smock thing off. There was a piece of chocolate. It was like it had melted. So it was from up here. It was like from between my boobs down to my, like the top of my underwear. And it was just mush chocolate everywhere. And then the caramel was all that was left. So it was just like a piece of caramel on my belly button. It was fantastic. I stuffed a lot of chocolate in my gown, in my little dress. It was dropping out while I was reading the presentation.

27:10Because it has to be, yeah. It's just a trail of chocolate following you wherever you go. Yeah. I was thinking about Amy Sedaris, who is also, she's a very attractive person who goes out of her way and has her whole life to tape up her note, do anything she could, wear old ladies clothes. She was doing this when she was a kid and it would drive her mother crazy because her mother was saying, you're an attractive young woman. What are you doing? My mom would always say, fix your face. Why are you making all those fake? Like what does she would, she, I would be telling a story and she would like touch between my eyes and be like, I'm like, I'm trying to tell a story.

27:50Sorry. Amy's there. No, it's the same. I'm just, I mean, your poor mom. Just don't, I mean, my mom with me, I was constantly contorting my face and, and doing over the top bits. And she would say, your face is going to freeze that way. It's going to freeze. It's going to freeze. and I thought, well, first of all, that would be cool. Because I could go through life like, oh, you know, like. I could work in the circus and it would just be like, I don't know, it'd be a lot of fun. It wasn't, I didn't, I wasn't scared of my face freezing, but when I did Over the Top bit, she, you know, she was the, and I think if.

28:25I have two great stories on that. There's this, it's this, on this podcast, we never get to great stories. I won't allow it. No, no, I'm going to say I have one, but I'm not going to tell it. You guys, I have two great fucking stories on that. Yeah, yeah, there's no time. Anyway, so the other day, I'm having this beef stew. And this beef stew... It had beef in it, you guys. It had beef in it. Who knew? All right, go, go. Tell us these... But I mean, we were talking about contorting your faces and parents freaking out. And parents' responses. So one was, my grandmother used to say that it was Tracy had the 12-year-old, the 10-year-old giggles, the 11-year-old.

29:00And then it was just like, okay, they're not going anywhere. And so I was just like, I'm getting out of my body. I couldn't get it out. I was like, it's dinner time. And it would drive my sister crazy. Rhonda was like, oh my God. And my mom was like, Tracy, would you like to go outside and get the giggles out? And I would be like, I would. I would like to go outside and get the giggles out. So I would go out of the door, the sliding glass door outside dinner. My family's in there just eating dinner. And I'm out like bouncing outside the door. And I'm like, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. And I'd come back in and I'd be like, And she'd be like, did you get him out?

29:36I'd be like, I don't know. No, I think there's more. And I'd go back. So that's one story. Poor mom. Poor mom, trying to do her best. Little Diana Ross sitting there like, oh my God, I made a problem, child. So then the other is, when I moved out here to L.A., I had, my mom is Diana Ross, just for reference on this story. I take full responsibility for her career. Anyway. You made her. I did. If it weren't for me, I don't know, those Supremes. ain't no mountain high enough what the boss no one none of it central park concert that was my idea that was your idea so when i moved out here to la i had my version of no money so i'm just gonna be honest my version of my money was like i had my mom's credit card i was living in a beautiful apartment but i had no cash okay so i used to do things that i could do with the credit card like i would go i would ask people if i would they wanted me to get them gas or like At dinner, I'd be like, I'll pay.

30:32Give me the cash. I was like an ATM, right? Yep. So I made a video, a DVD. At the time, it was a VHS video of me doing all my characters because I used to tell stories as these different people. So I dressed up in all these different... There was Madame Iver, who I still do. There was Suzy Sushi. There was Broadway Girl, who was singing an improv Christmas holiday song. All this stuff. And then I old school edited it together, and I sent out 52 videos. to everyone in my world saying happy holidays. And at the end of it, it said no judgment, happy holidays. And it was me like doing a ridiculous thing.

31:08It was insane. I go home for Christmas and my mom's like, can we talk? And I was like, yeah, what's up? Let's go to my room. Oh, shit. You know, if your mom wants to bring you to the room. So we sit down on the edge on the side of her bed. She's sitting next to me. She was like, how many of those?

31:29She was so serious. How many of those videos did you send out? I said 52. And she was like, can we get them back? I was like, no. I think she literally was like, this is a comment on my parenting. Like, I failed my child. And she has sent out like a calling card of like the failed parenting. Oh, my God. She later understood, but I do think it was a little bit like, what have I done? Like, it's going to end up on Inside Edition of, what is Diana Ross doing to her children? Her children! Like, the other ones are fun. To do 35 characters. Dancing for her wares. Like, I don't know what. Anyway, it changed my career.

32:20It launched me into, you know, people were like, oh, is that who you are? But, yeah. Is it true that you have, because you do all these characters, that you have photographs of them? Do you have photographs of your other personas? Like framed? Yes. And by the way, I'm in a temporary place right now. And as you walk in, it's lined up. It's like the wall of Tracy, like all the versions of me. There's Madame Iver is a really special one that I have performed as, done things as. I used to post her videos all the time. And then Clivey Champignon has her own page. She is a fashion architect, not a stylist.

33:02She's not French, but she only speaks with a French accent. But she can't speak French at all. No knowledge of French. She's actually from Detroit. That's a great idea. But she is very connected to the French accent. Treat. Which part made you laugh that hard? My mother? No, the Detroit part. She's from Detroit, but that's a big French accent. Poor thing. I'm curious about something, because you did your first big success, which is Girlfriends, right? You're doing that show, and then that show ends. And I always thought, right, you went right into Black-ish. No, God, no. And that's how other people can experience your career.

33:50Like when I think about you, I think of just, oh, I since the first time I heard your name, you've been a success. But there was a but seriously, that's how it can feel to other people. And there was like a six year gap or something between your girlfriend and black and blackish. Because because when you're when I'm around you, it just seems so obvious that there should be a camera on you all the time. What do you think happened? I agree. Yeah. I don't know. Well, I think some of it, you know, is the segregation of Hollywood and UPN then turned into CW and we were on what is considered a black show.

34:25So there were so many people who knew our show and we were a huge success, but there were also the majority of the industry did not. Got it. And so I really did think after being on a show that I considered a hit that was so beloved for eight years as the lead that the pearly gates of Hollywood were going to open when it finished. They did not. They were locked. There were no scripts. There was nothing in. And that's actually when I started moving my characters more to the forefront and doing the other things that I do. And then I did a show on BET called Read Between the Lines. Did that for, I want to say, a year and a half.

35:00But even before Girlfriends, so Lyricist Lounge came first, which was a hip-hop sketch comedy show. It was fantastic. Really fun. Did a lot of characters on there. but preceding that were years and years of auditioning being dropped from the Gersh agency the woman the agent said to me she said you just don't pop she said you come with all these things these bells and whistles you're pretty your mom's famous you have good style but then you get in the room and nothing happens. So we're going to drop you. I mean, I carried that punch for so long. I was like, oh, a person who doesn't pop. I'm a non-popping person.

35:48Like, you need to pop as an actor. You got to pop. I couldn't pop. Isn't it crazy, though, how when time goes by and then you look at those statements, it's so appallingly wrong. And it's making me think of we had Harrison Ford were sitting in the chair you're in and he was talking about how he's had Harrison Ford success, which is insane. But he remembers the guy's name who told him in the 1960s. And he remembered exactly what he told him. Jerry Tukowski. And he kept saying his name over and over again, but it was still a burning coal lodged right under his sternum. Oh, yeah. And I'm thinking, well, wouldn't like at least two of the Indiana Jones movies have gotten rid of that burning hatred?

36:36Forget the other like, no. And what I know, just because it's human nature, is those things still burn even years even years later. Yeah, I remember there's a couple, you know, we all have them. I think my mom has one. Like everybody's got them. And, you know, to a certain extent, they become your fuel and they help you answer questions or they take you down. You know, I think I've transcended. I think I pop. I hope I pop. I want to pop. I love that you You pop You definitely I love that you're Yeah You were one of the first Like late night shows That I went on But I remember When I was on Girlfriends I could not get On a late night show And I remember The Tonight Show It was Jay Leno At the time And the talent book I will never forget What she said Because I asked I was like You have to tell me I don't understand You have to tell me And they kept saying Call us when she gets something and I was like but like what like you guys gotta tell me what I gotta go get because like I don't get it you know but those are the kinds of things that they become this mystery that you there's a very frustrating thing I got out here I remember there was this catch 22 of well you can't get a job you can't get a job as a writer unless you're you have an agent and no agent wants to see you unless you have a job and you can't get a job if you're not in the union, but the union won't let you in the union unless you have a job.

38:09And so I remember thinking there's really, this is impossible. And there are these things that you encounter early on. And I'm saying this as a white male. So I had as, I'll be open. I had about as greased a track as anyone can have at that time. But now I'm old. But I remembered thinking, this is tricky and I didn't have a fraction of the difficulties that you're talking about. Where you're saying, I've been on a show, but it's considered a black show. And the rest of the industry doesn't seem to recognize that. It was the realization of some of those things were fascinating. I remember on Black-ish, I went to do my first looping session, my first ADR session.

38:53And the sound guy, they had said, you know, he's a very famous sound guy. He's done all the shows. He's big at all the studios and da-da-da. And he was like, I just, I mean, it's like you're like a seasoned vet. I just loved seeing such a newcomer be so, look like you're so experienced. I said, what do you mean? And he said, well, I mean, you've never been on a show. And I said, no, no, no, I was on a show. Well, I mean, it wasn't a comedy. And I was like, no, no, it was a comedy, but it wasn't primetime. I said, no, no, it was primetime. You went through the whole list. He's like, but you weren't the lead.

39:26I was like, no, but I. He's wrong about every single thing. I was like, my God, is this a comedy routine? Are you a plant? But you're not a woman. Yes, I am a woman. Your name's not Tracy, but it is.

39:42And he said, my God, I've got to go look up this show. I was like, yeah, you should just go look it up. Maybe you should shut up. I was like, my God. Yeah, it's a fascinating, the industry is, you know, it is, but it is also interesting to think of how it's changed. I mean, you know, growing up and having three networks or whatever it was, and then all of a sudden you get a new one, there was UPN. And you know what I mean? And now it's just, I don't even know where to go to find things. I have to Google the name of the show that someone told me. So, and where do you stream it? I write. And then sometimes it still doesn't give me good answers.

40:16It gives me all these things. And I'm like, I don't know what to do here. I will often figure out where it is, the thing I want to see. And then I will go to that streamer that I know that we are signed up for. Yes. But it will say, no, I'm not letting you in unless you give me the 75 different passcodes. And my wife knows those and I don't. And often I crumple to my knees and a camera lifts up to the ceiling and I go, no! Like, God himself has betrayed me. And it's just like, no, I'm fairly... Just text your wife. No, she doesn't allow that. I have no one to blame. She doesn't allow that anymore.

40:52I just, I take the remote and I'm like, oh. Yeah. I just get so angry. I'm like, I just want to watch the show. Like, but you can't get in. Yeah. And I know they already have my money. They already have my money. I signed up. It says, you don't have that version of, I'm like, what do you mean? I swear to God, I paid the version. I don't, I did it last time. I can't. Where's the show? I love. I hate it. I love knowing that nobody escapes this. It's insane. The thing that I love is nobody escapes it. And I remembered once talking to President Obama on this podcast. And he was, I don't know if it was even off mic, but he started talking about how he remembered being in the Oval Office and they couldn't get the phone to work.

41:40And two people came in. And I'm like, you're in the Oval Office. He had to get on customer service with Spectrum Internet himself. And stay on love. Barack? Barack? Barack? It's CK. Not just a K. Just a K. CK. Representative. Representative. Representative. Press one. Yes. Are you a sitting president? Press one. They even have a whole president section. That's a great bit. Are you a two-term or one-term president? Jesus! Oh my God! And then you try to have someone else do it. I'm so sorry, we'll have to speak to the actual person. No, it's so funny because it made me happy. And then when I talked to Biden recently and he invited me into the Oval Office, all I could do was stare at the phone.

42:33And guess what? It looks like a phone anywhere. But what if Biden of all people was super tech savvy? Where he's just like, fuck's it. I got it all on a universal remote. I programmed it myself. It's all on an app. I check it out. He's like, I control it from my phone. No, no, no, I made an app. You made an app? Are you familiar with Oculus Rift? Be great if he was the most tech-savvy president of all time. That's actually, that's great. I wish that were so. I really do. Hey, you know, 99.9 % chance it isn't, but you never know. You never know. I'm open. You're talking about that feeling of, there are all these years where you're saying, hey, I'm Tracee Ellis Ross.

43:20I know I'm really good. And then there's that moment. Well, hold on. Maybe you weren't saying that. I was going around saying, hey, I'm Tracee Ellis Ross. I know I'm really good. And people would say, I think you're mentally ill. And there's some gender confusion. But no, I could see there are years where you think you have something to offer. And it seems like that part takes forever. But then you look back. Then you look back later on and it all kind of happened the way maybe it was going to happen. I don't know. Maybe that's too nice a view of it. I don't know. I mean, the thing that I find fascinating is how long it felt while it was happening.

43:58And when you look back, how fast it was. Because, you know, when you're 51, you know, like I remember as a kid that three months for summer break seemed like an eternity. Yeah. It was like three months. Like, what am I going to do for three months? And then there was like no plan. And it was like horrible. And now like three months is such a short amount of time. Right. And so there's a sense of that. Like even during the pandemic, it felt like an eternity. And I do think I didn't walk around thinking, what did you say that I was good? What was it? Trace Dales Ross and I'm good. You must have known that you had something really good to offer.

44:40No, I hoped I did. And I think it took me a long time to realize that I did. I knew I was something, but I didn't know what I had to, you know what I mean? Sure. I mean, you have to have a certain amount of confidence to lean into this business. But I think a lot of the things and the roadblocks that I hit gave me enough doubt that it was like, I mean, am I nuts here? And then now, you know, you look back. I don't know. I mean, it's such an interesting thing because I don't know that I believe it every day now. You know, I know who I am as a person. I know who like I'm like my worth as a human being.

45:20But I think that's why like even doing that Lucy sketch was like I'm like I like I hadn't acted since I finished Candy Cane Lane last March. So almost a year strikes all these things. And I hadn't done that thing. And I have a company, you know, I have a beauty company, a beauty brand that's doing incredibly well. I've been a businesswoman for the last year I do speaking engagements and that's a big way that I pay for other parts of who I am and I hadn't done that thing and I got off that stage and I was like oh god I love this so much and I went to the Governor's Awards this year and Mel Brooks was being honored and they showed his reel with like Gene Wilder and Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick like got up there and did Broadway singing thing.

46:09And I'm like, this is like the stuff like lights me up. Like I just get like like like a kid that's just like, oh, my God, is that a star? Like and so it's it's definitely it's something in me that I love. It lights me up whether I was good at it or not. I didn't totally know. And I don't know that I have any interest in investing in whether I'm that good at it or not, as long as I'm happy doing it. I think there has to be doubt. I just always think there has to be. I would prefer to be a person with a little doubt than a person who has too much confidence. Some people I'm like, but what are you?

46:45You're wrong. But also when I look at when I watch television and I see most talking heads, they're 100 percent sure about everything they're saying. Most politicians are 100 percent sure what they're saying. And I think, can we get back to having respect for people who say, huh, it's difficult. This is. Yeah. I never think things are a sure thing. anything I'm connected with. I'm always worried. I hope it goes well. Don't you think that leans you towards doing your best and continuing to try? Yeah, try hard. Question it. And also, I do think that the death of a career is when you think you know everything.

47:19Yeah. You know, when you think, like when you're not teachable, I don't know, the death of a human experience. Like to stay curious and teachable is kind of the thing that keeps you growing, keeps you moving, keeps you connected to other people, keeps you being one among many and not just this singular thing. Right. I don't know. I'm curious if, because you mentioned the beauty brand, which I know is a huge success, and the name of it is? Pattern. Pattern Beauty. Pattern Beauty. We're a hair care brand right now, yeah. Is there anything for you? For me? Because, and also, I'm curious. Now, hold on.

47:52I'm going somewhere with this. I'm just really curious. Because I know about your brand, it just makes it even funnier. I'm just wondering, I have iconic hair. You do have iconic hair. And maybe - There are products for you. You could use our Stronghold gel. Yes, and maybe you would want to put my face on the box. This is a... You okay, Sona? You all right? You're drinking a lot of water over there. No, no, no. You should keep talking. Well, I'm just saying it's something that I would offer up. And now you're having water. Bring me out the piece of that Conan bar. Why is everyone having so much water?

48:27Eduardo doesn't seem to have any water. That's good. I'm just offering that up. We are a brand that exceeds the needs of the curly, coily and tight textured community or anyone that needs hydration in their hair. But our content is centered around the celebration of black beauty. And I don't think you check that. I think you are. I don't feel seen at this moment. I don't see you right now.

48:57Because you are invisible.

49:03I'm saying we've got to break this barrier. I've got to be part of, don't you think? No, no, no, no, no. No? No, there's so many things you can be part of. That's not what, you can use the products. Yeah. Why aren't you pursuing Irish spring or something? I went to them, they're not interested either. Really? The Irish won't claim me. The Irish won't claim me. Yeah, it's just no one wants me. Does that still exist? That smelled so fresh. I know, it did. It really did. It really was a top line soap. It's still around. By the way, this is a question I love asking people. Bar or liquid soap? I like bar.

49:43Well, I use both. It depends on what's there, but I like a bar. Okay. Liquid. I'm all liquid. I think I'm bar, but my wife buys liquid. Yep, me too. Yeah. Okay, interesting. What are you? Liquid. Okay. Yeah, when I discovered liquid, I was like, oh my God, what is this bar for? That's true. Yeah. I was like, I have another question. I'm really dying. I love what, I want to know what time everyone wakes up in the morning. Oh. Well, this morning, my dog Loki woke me up. Nice name. Woke me up at 6 a.m. I don't know why, but woke me, insisted. Loki didn't need to go to the bathroom? Well, he went outside, but then he like loitered and smoked a cigarette.

50:21Like he. His name is Loki. Yeah, really. He just, I mean. You're kind of asking for it. He didn't look, it was like my kids came up with that name because they said it's the God of Mischief. Yes, it is. And so, and sure enough, he like grew into his name or they saw that in him. But yeah, he woke me up at 6 a.m. Usually if I can get to seven, that's like perfect for me. And were you always an early riser or is it just since you've become a grownup? No, I think left to my own devices as a young man, I would really sleep in, but I think that's a young man's game. And then I think I don't really do that anymore.

50:55so but yeah so I'm what about you what time do you go well I have a two year old so even if she doesn't I'm up at five or five thirty you're five or five thirty I'm set yeah I'm baked yeah same thing I have a toddler I have two toddlers why did you say one I don't know that is so weird why do you hate Mikey why do you have to think it's Mikey that's because we know it's Mikey oh no I love him I have twins and they're two and a half and so yeah anywhere between five thirty so you don't sleep anymore I don't no I really don't Maybe when they're 15. Oh, God. Is it that long? Might be. Three months goes by like this, so don't worry about it.

51:33No, I know. I'm not an early riser, but I am now. What about you? I'm somewhere between 6.30 and 8. 6.30 and 7.30, I would say. Must be nice. Okay. But I always used to be an early riser. I was a person who did my homework in the morning. I would wake up at like 5.30 in school. I don't know why. I think I was so tired when I got home. I would just kind of conk out. But I think it's such an interesting question. I'm so intrigued with what time people wake up in the morning. People's like morning routine is fascinating to me. The first big Hollywood party I ever went to, it was like, I don't know, it was a ridiculous Hollywood party and everybody was there and I'm just wondering.

52:10Give us a couple names. Well, I'm going to, yeah. But I mean, you know, Tom Cruise is there. Not familiar. Like Barbra Streisand, like all these big names are there and I'm wandering through the hallway and all of a sudden, I swear to God, Warren Beatty steps out. He like slid into view and went, Conan, how much sleep do you need a night? What? Out of nowhere. I had never met him before. That is fascinating. He just slid in as if he was on a rail, like just like, and cue Warren and they slid him in. And he went, Conan, looking impeccable. How much sleep do you need a night? And I said, I need at least eight.

52:45And he was like, I need nine to 10. And then he like slid out again. So it's like, it was like a carnival ride. It was like Mr. Toad's wild ride where I'm going through in a little cart And then the Warren Beatty comes in, asks me the question. I reply and he said, I need nine to 10 and then slides out again. And my little cart kept moving. That is really a great story. That's what happened. That's a true story. I need nine to 10. And he slid out. Also, who has, how, how do you, what? What do you, how do you get nine to 10? There's a reason he looks that good. I mean, it's genetics, but also he think he was, I think he was just sleeping when you didn't see him on camera.

53:18He was just sleeping. He was like, action, cut. I'm going to bed. Yeah. That's fast. Nine to 10 is just neat. I can't imagine. I don't think my body could, it would just be like, no, I must wake up. No, I could. You could sleep. I could sleep. But like on a regular basis, we're just like to catch up. If I have health, like if I take an edible, absolutely. I can easily sleep. She has an alarm that wakes her up every hour and she takes three edibles. Oh, okay. That's a true story. Every hour. She said, oh, okay. Terrible, terrible addict. Anyway, I want to make sure I get the word out too on cold copy.

53:54That's where you went. Yeah. Come on. Terrible addiction. Anyway, we're worried about her. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is terrible. Mother to twins. Now you're going to plug? You're going to do a plug? Well, I want to make sure we get the word out on cold copy because this is out now. Cold copy is out now. It is. Cold copy is out now. I play a cutthroat, high-end journalist. And you're in like a death grip battle with another journalist. Yes. Well, she's my protege, played by Belle Pauly. And yeah, I don't think I smile once in the movie. I've got a serious bang, a lot of bangs on the face. And it was really fun.

54:32I smirk in the movie when I successfully manipulate. It's fun to play mean. It's fun to be cutthroat. It's fun to let that dog out to play. It was so fun. And so going for it, just since Blackish, I've had like a real opportunity to play some fun, different things. But this was particularly juicy. Yeah. Cold copy is in theaters. Well, there's a lot to congratulate you on here. And I can't even list it all. But your day starts with being in an Oscar nominated film. Yeah. And I will say this, having had you on the show a couple of times and you've been on our show twice. I love it. I love it when I get to be around you because you have so much energy.

55:18And like good, like. You pop. Yeah, you pop. You pop. You pop. I was looking for the word and I was gonna go with pop and then I thought, well no, we've been told by the Gersh agency you don't pop. They're wrong. Lindsay Porter. Oh yes! Put her on the board. Put her on the board. Jerry Tukowski and Lindsay Porter. We're coming for you. We're coming for you. Add that to Jerry Tukowski. Yeah, yeah. No, I am so happy for you and you deserve all good things. Thank you. Thank you for being here and making time for us. Oh my God, it's my pleasure. I enjoy sitting with you all the time. So much fun because I'm delighted about being your friend.

55:57There you go. See, what did I tell you? Book ended. Book ended. All right, thank you so much. Thank you.

56:11Sona, I believe you have the mic. Okay. I already talked to you about this because I made you pay me back in some way, but I made a hair appointment four months ago. That was just barely going to be getting me in time today for our recording session. And then I find out you want to record earlier. So I have to cancel my appointment and then I pay the full price for the appointment. And then say how much that is. I'm not going to do that. I will. $300. No, don't do it. I don't want people thinking I'm bougie. Hold it. It was at Supercuts. It was$45. Supercuts? Yeah, I don't know if Supercuts is still around.

56:51So it wasn't Supercuts. Hold on a second. I'm going to try and dish out some reality here. Come on. You keep going. Well, what I'm saying, so I got not upset, but I was frustrated. So then we went and ate this now. And I'm not even that hungry, but I ordered a sandwich. And I ordered almost every pastry they have because I knew Conan was paying. Yeah, you load it up. Yeah, and I got a banana. Yeah, and you ordered a Porsche Boxster while you're at the counter. It's so much more than the appointment. It's being delivered in an hour. Okay, here's the chain. I was up really early this morning dealing with some stuff, and very early, and then I realized we're not starting till one in the afternoon.

57:31I can go earlier, and this is how I thought. I thought I can go earlier if it's okay with the gang and if it works for them. Meaning sometimes, because you guys have little kids, I think maybe you're going to, if you can get in and out faster, it's better for you. So here's what I write. This is my text to Adam Sachs. But by the way, I'm happy to go earlier today at noon if that helps anyone, period. Or not, comma, whatever works. Oh, that does change things a bit. That does. Then I hear from Adam, is that your preference? I'll send an email if so. Why'd you make Adam's voice like that? Because he's just like, you can tell he's craving.

58:06It's not a direct imitation, but it does capture. Now listen to this. And then I said, feels like it might be good to get going, but I'm only putting this out there if it works well for Matt and Sona. Okay, that's. And look at this. That's different. One is also fine. That is my text. And then it says, everyone is good to go at noon. Now, this is a phenomenon that I'm familiar with where I say, you know, it might be nice if people want some tea, I could have tea brought in. Is that what you want, Conan? My point is, there's this game of telephone that happens. And I have a really good example of it, which is when I first got the late night job.

58:48You know me, I am a pathologically chatty person who likes to get to know people, say hi. And I noticed that none of the interns would look at me. And I thought, oh, they must really hate my comedy. They must really despise me. And then I found out after like two years that it was a holdover from the previous late night regime. You're not supposed to look at the host. Oh, right. And it was this game of telephone, like, don't you look at Conan? And so I think that based on my texts, these charges are outrageous. Go ahead. I have a rebuttal. The distinguished gentlewoman from Altadena? Yes, Matt could make it.

59:24And what I was thinking, I was like, I know that if I tell everyone we have to start at one because I have a hair appointment, I will not hear the end of it from you. No, no. You misunderstand. No, no. Conan? No. First of all, Conan. Conan is Conan. Today, Cecily Street's brought to you by the number two. Conan, you would. No, no, no. First of all, I have an interest in you getting your hair worked on. Wow. Worked on? Well, I'm just saying it is... Why? It's a mess sometimes. I didn't have any product in today because I thought I was getting my hair done. What I'm saying, sometimes you come in and I feel like if I shook you, office supplies would fall out.

1:00:04Oh no. But I mean she - You're not helping your case. But what I'm saying is - I need more pastries. Listen. Shake your hair. I would have been - You asshole. Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm on your side. I'm on your side. If she sneezes, three crullers are gonna fall out. Sona, Sona. Come on. I would have said, fine, please get the hair taken care of. Get that shit taken care of. That's what I would have said. You know what I mean? No, you wouldn't have. Yes. You would have been like, oh, she needs to get her hurt. I don't know. It's okay. And then you would have made me hear about it for like two months.

1:00:38Here's the analogy, Sona. What if you heard, like Sona said, you know what? It would be good for me if I could go at noon. And I said, I can do that. I'll just cancel my appointment with my psychopharmacologist. And that's okay. Because he was going to up my Prozac. You'd say, no, go get the Prozac. Yeah. Well, I'm saying you got to get that hair taken care of. Could it be that all this rivalry and all our contention on this podcast is actually the fault of these middlemen that are handling these communications? No. Oh, definitely. It's his fault. No, no, no. It's because I knew the bitch were going to come.

1:01:15But why didn't you say, and this is not your fault, I'm not victim blaming here, but why didn't you just say, I can't do it? Yeah. Because I don't want him to make fun of me, Matt. But look, look at your smile. You did! I know. I'm smiling because you think this stopped me making fun of you. I just switched to the other position. And we started this segment to grill him and now it's turned to where he's making fun of you. All I did was switch to the, I wish you had gone to the hair appointment because you've got to get that hair straightened out and fixed. That's all I, you know what I mean? Come on.

1:01:49So you can't, for you to say I did all this, I gave up this, and what do you mean? you made this appointment months ago. It's true. Are you meeting with the Dalai Lama? Who's cutting your hair? This has been an ongoing saga. She's been trying to get in with this person forever. Well, I didn't know. So I got in with another person who I actually really liked. I got my hair cut from her, by her, and then she made an appointment for me four months from that date. Wait, four months? And I could only get it four months later because she was doing it. Otherwise, I would have to wait a while longer. And you already changed it once for this day, right?

1:02:21No, I didn't. and I just talked to her about finishing it earlier. Guys, can I make a suggestion? Sona, as you know, I went to Armenia with you. It's kind of a famous episode, and I am - Where's this going? Listen, I am a bit of an icon in the Armenian community. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying I am an icon, and that's not bragging. Wait a minute. I'm looking that up, what I just said. Oh, yes, that's a total insane delusional bragging. It's kind of true, too, because I love you. I have some street cred with the Armenian community, okay? So I say we call this woman, we talk to her on mic, and I say we need to make an appointment.

1:02:58Why do you think she's Armenian? Oh, my God. You think I just go to all Armenian people for things? Yes. Sona? I mean, I do. Sona, is she Armenian? Yes. Yes. She's not. She's not. I said that as a joke. She's not. She's not. She's not Armenian. Again, and this has nothing to do. I'm sweating and I'm wearing a scarf. Can we do a two-parter and we'll call her on the next segment? Yeah. Okay. Which community is she from? Because maybe I have street cred in that community. No, she's half black. You're definitely not. Are you kidding? You think so? I am loved in the black community. I don't know. I just said that.

1:03:37It's not true. But I go around saying that at the top of my lungs all the time. Yeah. When I walk down the street, sometimes I just shout, I am loved in the black community. it's a form of Tourette's I have which is exactly why you're probably not oh we should get EB on Mike and find out if I'm loved in the black community I mean we really should she won't do it we'll have to black out her camera but she'll do it we don't say black out her camera that's racist but listen it's not your fault it's the way you were brought up well you thought that she was Armenian just because I'm Armenian and you think I go to all Armenian things do you go to mostly Armenian people to deal with things in your life Do you or do you not?

1:04:18Where do you get your Chinese food? From Armand Dalabazian Makes the best wonton in town He does make good wontons I think we need to get this person on the phone We'll do another segment But we do have to cover the greater issue Of the fact that the schedule changes so much around here That you don't even see how much we're juggling things To try to make this work Okay, well see this is the problem I am never going to change anything again Do you guys prefer And this is me This is good we're talking about this. We're talking about this stuff directly. If we're scheduled to go at 1, would you prefer noon if noon's possible?

1:04:52Or would you rather it just... I figured you would. I like 11 even because then there's less traffic going home. What about you, Sana? Look, I'm going to be completely honest. This is the one day I actually had something that conflicted. Oh, my God. That's right. I forgot you have nothing to do. You haven't even... You can't even get your hands on your children because you have 30 family members. When was the last time you physically saw your children? Was it April? I think April was the last time you saw them. No, what I'm saying is I am very flexible. Well, what do you prefer? We've talked about this.

1:05:25I know. I actually prefer earlier, too. I think we did it earlier, and then we changed it later so there was time to eat. But you also, you don't eat. I don't eat a lot. No, I'm trying to stay, you know, lean for the camera. But then you're going into a 1 o 'clock session with no lunch, and you got no steam. If we went at 11, you're still riding high on breakfast, buddy. But listen to me with no food. That's what I mean. At one. And look how good that is. You're afraid it's going to be too good? I'm afraid there's a level of good that people can handle. Oh, my God. Do you know what I mean? No.

1:05:55Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what did you write? He just wrote rap because I just said. We're talking about how good you are. Rap. That's the rap song. Me with low blood sugar, Dark Side of the Moon. You know, and then you want to make that album 10 times better? I don't think people can handle it, man. I don't think people can handle it. All right. I think we learned nothing in this segment other than there is a major communications problem because I did read you the actual texts. I was trying to be considerate. And then it turns into the monster demands we all scramble in there at noon. And you are.

1:06:28Which was not the which was not the message. You are really nice. And also our schedule is not. What was that? I'm really what? I'm not going to say it. I'll edit it out. Thank you. But what I'm going to say is you it is a very flexible schedule. there's very little justification I have to not be available. Yeah. And you got to, let's get the hair. Oh, come on. I am actually being nice. I know. I'm, and I'm being nice too, as a friend. I mean, you can't walk around that thing's going in a million different directions. You want to say anything about the fact that I was so scared about the bits that would come knowing that they came anyway.

1:07:02I know, man. Yeah. I'm not safe. Well, now you're, you're, you're, you've been hit with bits. You've been bit hit and you're out$300. I know. All right. Should we continue? Yeah, Gorley will make up the 300. That's on him. All right. Peace out. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. me?

1:07:39Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.