Weird Around The Eyes

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

0:40I call it Dublin. Yeah. Although the old, the old Irish name, it's like Dovling. Right. So, which means like black, black lake or black pool. Yeah. But yeah, Dublin for me. Okay. That's what I'll call it Dublin as well. I never know. I always want to learn, you know, the correct pronunciation of things. And so sometimes I've been talking to a, an old Irish sod and he'll call it Dublin. And I think, is he just messing with me? Is he? I don't know. Yeah. Okay. He might be messing with you. I don't know. Yeah. It's not one I've heard before. Yeah, it turns out he was from Portugal. So maybe that has something to do with it.

1:14Well, tell us, Greg, here's what I know about you. You live in Kildare, is that right? Kildare, yeah. And not too far from Dublin. What do you do? So I'm a musician. I'm a classical musician. So I play in an orchestra, in the symphony orchestra here. Which symphony orchestra do you play in? The National Symphony Orchestra. Wow, that is impressive. Very good. And can I ask you, what's your, what's your instrument? That's a personal question. I'm a bassoonist. Oh, you're a bassoonist. Bassoon. Yeah. Or bassoon player. Yeah. Incredible. You mentioned bassoonists quite, actually quite frequently in your last few podcasts over the world.

1:52So did I, the one with Zach, Zach, I think the one with Zach Braff, he mentioned it. He was talking about directing and how it's like being a conductor. And he was like, it's, you probably don't remember it, but anytime a bassoon is mentioned in mainstream things, I'm like, ah, bassoon, bassoon, they mentioned it, they know what it is. It's funny because I just tune out the minute bassoon is mentioned, I just go to a different place. Well, no, this is... The bassoon world goes crazy anytime we hear it. Well, this is a big moment then for the... This is a big moment for the bassoon world because...

2:26Bassoon Twitter is lighting up right now. Bassoon Twitter has exploded. I mean, forget about it. 200 of us probably around the world. What is, and all the bassoon dating sites are just blowing up right now. Whatever. So you've been, I'm guessing you've been playing the bassoon since, since childhood. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't really choose it. I don't, I think if you ask every bassoonist, they'll have a different story. I don't think anyone like comes out when they're a child and is like, I need to play, I want to play the bassoon. I need to play the bassoon. That's all I can do. So my brother actually started playing it first because the, the local music college um had a severe lack of bassoons bassoonists and french hornets so they had these instruments in the cupboard and uh they needed them to be played basically so my brother started at first lasted about two weeks but we had the instrument rented for the whole year so my dad was just like okay next child let's take it up how many how many uh how many i love that he didn't know any names i grew up how many how many uh siblings are there in your family and so the seven of us all together okay i'm one of six and often no names were used it was just that one oh yeah you yeah you know uh no not you the other one there was a lot of that because who has time to figure out which round fat irish head is which my dad would frequently get the uh get the names wrong as well yes he wanted to call me greg he'd go david ritchie connor greg yes that's You need to go and do the day.

4:02Neil, Luke, Kate, James, Dustin. Conan, you're an asshole.

4:09Wow. Okay, so this is serious. You are a bassoonist in the symphony orchestra in Dublin. I think that's very impressive. Oh, well, thank you. Yeah. Is it a difficult instrument? Do you think it's an instrument that I could learn to play? It's not as difficult as maybe people, I don't know, maybe people don't think about bassoon too much but it looks like a difference yeah i got we got real bad news for you we've done a poll we didn't even know about you but about a week ago we did a poll on who cares about the bassoon and the numbers are just coming in and it's not looking good uh no but but seriously is it uh i you know i i play some music i like i think you definitely could i think you definitely could yeah what are the attributes well you play guitar so yeah what What are the attributes I have that could help me play the bassoon well?

5:00You need to be a bit quirky. Got it. That's me. A bit weird around the eyes sort of thing. People look at you funny. Yep. Check. Weird around the eyes. Check. Check. Got it. What's next? What's next? Yeah. I also have good lung power. I talk constantly. And I often don't even need to. That comes later. I go days without inhaling. I just, I, I, when I speak, it's just one long exhale for 24 hours. You do circular breathing, but for bits instead of musical instruments. Yes, for bits and shtick, yes. Yeah, and you also have good lips as well. What's good about my lips? Well, they're like, they're quite, they're kind of thin.

5:40And they, I think that you could be able to form like a good embouchure around the reed. Because we use what's called a reed, like, like oboists or like when, if you, clarinet or saxophone would use a single reed. We use a double reed. Great. And you create like a good seal. Great. Like, did you just, Greg, did you just call me thin-lipped? I'm crazy-eyed. So you said I'd be a good bassoonist because I'm crazy-eyed and thin-lipped. Weird around the eyes. Weird around the eyes. That was very poetic. It sounded so good in my head as well before I was. Can I just say, Greg, if you saw, if you didn't know me, but you saw me rob a bank in Kildare and the police came, the Garda showed up and they said, did you see, yes, I saw him.

6:22Would you say he was weird around the eyes and thin-lipped? Is that what the description you would give to the police? I'd say he looks like he plays the bassoon. Oh, you can tell. He's a known bassoonist. Through and through. But it's just good for, because you need a good seal around the reed. So if you have those good lips so that the air doesn't leak, I think it would be a really good fit. Yeah, non-lips. That's good. Well, that's good to know. I think I would take a crack at it. But tell me, what role does the bassoon play in most symphonic orchestrations? So we're usually, we're stereotypically, I'd say, the jokester or the orchestra.

7:08So we play lots of kind of bum kind of notes, like low notes with a harsh kind of razzy sound. Can you give me an example? Vocally, can you give me an example? Or do you have a bassoon with you? just like i do my bassoon with me actually yeah yeah i would think you would yeah can you give us an example on my bassoon yeah yes i can do that yeah sure take my this is what we have this is what your lips would do well with my lips my lips are so thin i don't even need that i wouldn't use a reed my thin lips form a natural reed okay uh so we yeah as i was saying we have we play a lot of low notes basically Can you, okay.

7:54There we go. Oh, great. Now we're talking. Yay! First of all, back up a little bit so we can see this amazing instrument as well. You said you play kind of quirky, jokey things. Give me an example of what that would sound like. Yeah.

8:11Oh, wow. I could use that. Yeah, it's very Looney Tunes. Yeah, it really does sound like, well, I'm going to go off to the woods now and go searching for the Tin Man.

8:29There's a cottage there. I might go in. I just hope a witch doesn't live inside.

8:41Oh, no, a witch does live inside.

8:47And she plays jazz on a bassoon.

8:57Hey, Craig. Wow. Craig, you know what?

9:08Craig, I think you should immediately quit your job and you and I should take this act on the road. I improvise children's stories and you stand next to me. No, I'm not gonna say we're splitting the take 50-50. That's not gonna happen. It's gonna be actually a split that will appal you once you actually see it on paper. In fact, you just found out the split. Let's hear your bassoon's reaction to the, Conan gets 98%, you get 2%. Yeah, here's the deal. I get of the money we - Oh.

9:43Wow, I think I just had a tracheotomy. Well, listen, Greg, that is, you're very talented. You're very, what a talented, likable guy. You really are. And I don't know, I've never tried a woodwind instrument. I've never tried to play one. And I don't know if I would do very well. I'm not sure I have. I know that I have the thin lips and the creepy eyes. Weird around the eyes. You're weird around the eyes. It doesn't matter. It's pretty poetic. Okay, weird around the eyes. But I love the idea. I think you might surprise yourself. I think you could fit in. I love the idea of me narrating things and you doing the reactions.

10:26That really makes me happy. Yeah. And then I think that could. And guess what? We could use Greg in studio when I'm talking to people. I mean, that would just be amazing if I was talking to celebrities or talking to any, the three of us talking, and then Sona makes a joke and wah, wah, you know? I guess. I like it. Are we going to fly him in from Ireland or are we going to go to Ireland? My guess. Nice. I feel like we should probably just go there. Yeah, I think the three of us should go to Ireland. Or we could just record from there. Greg comes to Los Angeles at his own expense. You're gonna make him pay.

11:09Yeah, make him pay. Yeah, and he tries to put his precious bassoon in the overhead compartment and it smashes. Oh. Oh, God. And then I refuse to reimburse him. What? This is a really fun story. Wow, this took a dark turn, Greg. It did. I don't know what happened here. He thought it was bassoon smash. That's something I am always worried about though, those overhead lockers in the bassoon. Well, I've known, I've known just when I've tried to take my guitar on airplanes and they try and pry it out of my hands and throw it in the bottom of the airplane. That's because you're playing it live in the airplane.

11:45Yeah, I usually get on the plane playing it. Well, I'm not sure this craft is safe. And they say, sir, please stop singing that song. We're pretty much all gonna get COVID. They lie about the HEPA. filters on the plane. Got a lot of minor chords, my songs. Well, Greg, I really liked, I liked meeting Greg. Yeah, me too. I did too. You seem like a really nice guy and you're very funny and I'm worried you're living in a prison dorm though. Yeah, your mattress is all rolled up in the background. You have nothing on the wall. Oh, I know, yeah. And I think there's a single toilet. So my guess is you've been arrested.

12:27No, my partner hates that I've kind of ducted this room for a bassoon room. So there is a bed, but it's not used. So I put a desk in here. Are you saying your partner can't sleep while you play bassoon scales?

12:44What's your problem? I'm just doing my bassoon scales. Oh, but Precious can't sleep. He plays clarinet, so he's in the world of... Oh, fun. Oh, that's so... Okay, so he plays clarinet, you play bassoon. Do you often have arguments about which is the superior instrument? Or arguments using your instruments? Yeah. Bom, bom, bom, bom. I said, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom. I said, bom, bom. No, it hasn't quite got, our communication hasn't broken down to that extent yet. We can still converse like regular people, but we do play together. We do some concerts here and there. But he has a jaw injury at the moment, so he hasn't been able to play as much.

13:34Oh, wow. You've got to protect the jaw if you make your living with a wooden instrument. Yeah, exactly. We should wear a full motorcycle helmet at all times. You know, the whole wraparound helmet at all times. And you too. Yeah, both of you. You've got to protect the mouth and jaw at all times. Yeah, yeah. I'll get you guys motorcycle helmets to wear when you're not playing. Be great if right when the concert ended, just before the curtain comes down, people can see you put a full motorcycle helmet and visor over your head. And start to walk out the door. The problem would be the reed's breaking when I keep trying to bring it to my mouth.

14:17Yeah, you forget it's on, and then you gotta like lift, lift the visor. All right.

14:24Well, Greg, who lives in Kildare, but commutes to Dublin to play, to play at the bassoon in a symphony orchestra. I just summed you up perfectly. Yeah. Very nice to meet you. I'm off to the cosmetic surgeon to have fillers put in my lips. And then I'm gonna see someone about my eyes. I don't know what - You're gonna go in and say, can you make me normal around the eyes? Yeah. And the doctor will say, there's much I can do but that I cannot do I'm sorry I interrupted you Greg what were you going to say? no if you're at the Cosmetics Series you need a job that makes you unbassoon like I don't know exactly what you mean everyone knows now I know what to do well Greg really nice meeting you and talking to you likewise I hope our paths cross one day but this was a real treat Hopefully, hopefully.

15:22If you ever need a bassoonist in studio, I got it here. Put it in the overhead locker. I'll be over. You know what? Now I'm thinking of all bassoon ideas. It's not bad. You are now officially the Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend bassoon player. We will accept no substitutes. Well, thank you, Greg. Take care. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thanks, guys. Bye, guys. Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan. with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ovcesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick D 'Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

16:05Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

16:29This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.