You Are So President Taft

0:03Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started hi eloise welcome to conan o 'brien needs a fan hello hey guys hey eloise how are you i'm doing okay yeah i'm doing good okay uh well you're talking to uh to myself matt sona the gang hi and um tell me i don't know much tell me where are you right now who are you tell us the whole story sure um my name is eloise my pronouns are she her i'm calling from manila in the Philippines. I am kind of like a healer in my community. So I'm a relationship and life coach. And I'm also my country's first openly trained soccer player.

0:52Wow. That's fantastic. And you say you're a healer as well. So you can help people. Maybe you could help me. Please. I don't know. That's a tall order. Because Eloise, people here think I need a lot of help. A lot of help. Okay. What do you need help with? I was hoping you would know. I have some guesses. I think that would be rude. Well, you live in Manila. And tell me just a little bit about your life. What do you like to do? How do you have fun? Yeah. So I work most of the time. Me and my fiancé, we like to throw events for our local trans and autistic community. We throw little parties. We're doing an autistic friendly drag event.

1:43And what do I do? I play a lot of soccer and I've been eating a lot of pizza lately. I love pizza. Wow. Pizza is the great unifier of everything you just said. So you are very active in the trans community. You have lots of get togethers. What kinds of things do you like to do with your friends who are trans? What kind of, you know, do you have parties? Do you have, what do you do? Yeah, we do like to have parties. We like to watch a lot of movies together and kind of just bond and connect over being weird. Yeah, I would like to join you because I'm told I'm weird, you know, part of my life story.

2:34I think you would be a good addition to the LGBT community. I'm not a certified representative, but I think we could use a little bit of Conan. Because I think I'm the only one in my community that listens to Conan. Okay, well, all right. Well, then there's work to be done. That's why I'm here, I think. Leave them alone. My mission has always been to expand my presence in the LGBTQ community in the Philippines. Very specifically. Yeah. I said that in 1963, the year I was born. I remember. Yeah. You remember. Yeah. Wow. You have a time machine, apparently. Yeah. Yeah. Well, would I get along? Would I fit in with everybody?

3:23I'm a pretty friendly person. Would they accept me? I guess that's the big question. Would your friends accept me?

3:32this isn't going well Eloise Eloise I'm not getting good signals Eloise and I don't think it's the Zoom I think there's a lot of work to be done and I'm not just talking about therapy but I think in terms of the queer community I will be playing your podcast while I'm doing my makeup in the morning and my fiance will be listening and you'd be like, what are you talking about? Oh, I think so. Yeah, there's like references. Your friends are picking up when I'm laying down, is what you're saying. Yeah, I think like the James Bond references aren't going like... Yeah, Conan. Those are not my fault!

4:16Specifically the James Bond references. That's Matt. That's Matt who has the obscure references. Hold on, last time that came up in detail, you brought it up. Who brings up Calvin Coolidge? Cause I don't think that. Thank you. I always thought that Calvin Coolidge was huge in the trans community in the Philippines. Yeah. That was my understanding. Not so much President Taft, I get it. But yeah. But Coolidge, yeah. Lyndon Johnson, I think is, if you reference Johnson more, it would might be a little bit better. Okay, I'll double down on Johnson. Okay. Well, okay. So you say that, let's say I came to Manila and let's say that you and I were to meet and you were going to take me out for a night with your friends in the trans community.

5:07What would we be doing? Okay. I was thinking about this and the first thing we would go to is there's this event called Girl Nation. It's a lesbian event and it's mostly all lesbian women and some trans men and then like one or two chill guys. so you have to pass that test of being chill and also an ally. Once you do that, yeah, I think that's why I'm here to help is maybe I can teach you some slang or some things that will help you blend in and not stand out. Yes, I want to blend in very much. I want to be considered a chill guy when I go out on the town with you and your friends in the trans community.

5:46So tell me, what are the things I should know? Thanks. I think there's some using gay lingo offhandedly, being very used to it. You don't have to use it all the time. But if you use it once a day in a podcast, then you'll be fine. Give me an example. So I think you could say it's giving dot, dot, dot. And then you make a reference at the end of that. And you can use that to like when you're like giving someone a compliment. Or if you want to be passive aggressive, you can use it to give someone an insult. But you use a very specific and obscure reference at the end of it. So you can say like, oh, it's giving like season one, Love is Blind episode two.

6:27And someone just like, oh my God. When I do, like, it's giving View to a Kill, Scarpine. Of course. All goes back to James Bond. No, James Bond. It all goes back to James Bond. I see what you're saying, though. It probably has to be a reality TV show, right? That's better. It could be a reality. Like, right now, Eloise, you're totally giving me, you know, season six, Love Island, episode three, Cheetah. I just made all that all up. Cheetah? Cheetah. Okay. Does that work? I think the delivery has to maybe improve. You know what? Yeah, because I was too deliberate about it. Yes. You got to just toss it off.

7:08You don't have to be like analyzing. You can just be like throwing it away. Like, oh yeah, you're totally, you can even reference like, you know, presidential terms. As long as you're specific and you're like throwing it away in a gay way, it's like - Okay, you are just right now. You know what? I don't need this from you. You are so President Taft and selling the OC. I don't need this right now. Do you know what I mean? And I would be like, oh my gosh, slay, okay. Yeah. I don't know what that means. And then I say slay right back to you, slay. Okay. See, I think already I'm doing pretty well.

7:39No one would know. You're basically a woman right now. I've heard that before.

7:50Eloise, this is a big help. You're helping me. This is good. I think you are here. I think I have to learn more about reality shows. Yes. What are the popular reality shows so I can just toss them off? Oh, Love is Blind. Love is Blind. Sona maybe knows more. I would say the entire Real Housewives franchise. I mean, if you know. Oh, yeah. If you can reference that. Yeah. Instant. Is there a city that, because is there a Real Housewives? I mean, you know. There's Salt Lake City. Come on. There's Salt Lake City. There's Atlanta. Boom. There's Orange County was the original I'm going to go with Atlanta And I'm going to call it Hotlanta Okay I'm not going to do that That's not good But yeah, you know What else?

8:38When I think of popular shows I think of Real Housewives But that's all I can think of off the top of my head I don't know, Eloise, you're totally giving me

8:50It's going well It's going well, buddy Keep it up, you got it Don't make you flashcards like Teresa from New Jersey. She's a classic. Oh, yeah. A little Teresa, season four, Real Housewives of New Jersey, much Eloise. Does that work? Yeah. Slay? It sounds a little like an insult, but I'll take it. Vanderpump Rules? Oh, yeah. Vanderpump Rules. Yeah. Do you know? You're very, I don't know a lot of the characters. Scandaval. Scandaval. Oh, that's too obvious. You got to pick up someone obscure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Svensson. What? He's the accountant on the show.

9:39I'm gonna do the best I can though to learn more about reality TV. I'm gonna say slay a lot. Yeah. What else would we do? Giving, oh, you can join a women's soccer training. I coached when I was younger. Yeah, you could become an elite athlete neck in Hopkins. Yeah, I got news for you. I think you'd make a really good... I got news for you. I think I have a much better chance in the trans community. I really do. I think I have a better chance than becoming an elite athlete. I just, I don't know. I just... You don't think you have it in you? You have that dog in you? I'm an old, old fellow. and uh my the other day i got out of bed quickly and my left leg fell off and i used electrical tape to put it back on and so that's what i'm concerned about is pieces of my body coming off uh in the philippines you know you're so kyle versus kim richards in season one of desperate housewives exactly yes that's so true thank you you're really giving that kyle from whatever math side.

10:48The reason I know this is because Kyle Richards, who's one of the housewives, played Lindsay as the young girl in Halloween. There you go. That's why I know that. It doesn't matter where you get the knowledge as long as you have the knowledge. I just shouldn't reveal that, right? Right now you're being so Winston Bufferman on American Roadshow with his collection of pneumatic tubes that he sold. You are such a Jamie Heidemann from Mythbusters right now. Jesus. Oh, my God. Yeah. You guys are slaying each other. Yeah, it's incredible, right? Yeah. You are such a Walt Kellerman from American Pickers season four.

11:26Oh, my God. Spoken like a Darwin Hamelsmith from the TV sci-fi makeup show Face Off. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You guys are like a couple detectives on the first 48. Yeah. What? That's a docu-series, not a reality show. What is the difference? They're reality. It's a different kind of reality. No. Okay. All right. All right. Why can't we do docuseries? You can't slay with docuseries. You can slay with a docuseries. Eloise, can you slay with docuseries? I'm going to have to call RuPaul and ask. RuPaul would definitely know. Okay. Hold on. I got RuPaul on the line now. What's that? Oh, quick no. Okay. Invisible phone, everybody.

12:09And I hang that up. She wouldn't take your phone call. I'm sorry, Sona. Yeah. Okay. I don't know any of the references you just know. I think I'm becoming straight.

12:27No, I think I'm in trouble because if I bring Conan and you guys make these references, me as a healer, they'd be like, are you a spy? After what you've heard today, do you want me to come visit you? And you're allowed to say no, you've changed your mind.

12:47That's such a long pause. That's a long pause, Eloise. She's a fan of yours. You just answered my question. I am a big fan, but I am also, you know, I have a reputation to uphold as one of the humans in the gay culture. And I don't mean that in a rude way. Maybe I can do your makeup and we will style you. The American Pickers reference. I think that's what did it. I think that might scare people. Yeah, I probably, yeah. Well, I admire your honesty. I really do. And I try. I appreciate that. Can I ask you a question? You've mentioned autism also during this interview. Are you autistic? Yeah, I'm autistic.

13:33When did you find that out? When I met my partner who is autistic. And I realized, oh, we are the same. I have what you have. But for most of my life, I didn't know that I had that. So, yeah. And I think with autistic people, Conan can be a big hit or sometimes a miss because we have maybe issues of taking people very literally. And so, for example, my whole family, we love watching Conan. We've been watching you since I was 18. and we would be around the TV with my mom, my sister and my brother, and we'd be all enjoying it. And like one day my dad came in the room to kind of see what's going on.

14:18And my dad kind of takes the people very literally. I don't think he has a good understanding of that context. And we watched the whole episode of your show and we all loved it. And I look at my dad to see what does he think. And he just goes, he's rude. He's really rude. Yeah, I can see that. That's funny. That was my same reaction. Yeah, what if he sees the real me? What if he's right? I think. I can see, yeah, it's different. I'm not for everyone, and that's always the way it's been. Who are you? You would be like, I'm on the next flight out to the Philippines to meet your dad and make him love me.

15:02I'm going to win him over. I was pretending to be okay. with your dad not liking me. But this is odd. I'm obsessed now. What would you do? What would I do? Well. Yeah, if he thinks you're rude, how would you, what kind of comedy would you go? Well, first of all, I'd be very respectful and kind to him. So respectful and kind that he would see that I'm not rude. Then I. He's so hilarious. Yeah. And then I would probably bring him some gifts. And. What would you bring him? Oh, well, what is your dad like? Pork. Yes. That'll fly well. Goes right in the overhead compartment. So I would wrap some pork in newspaper.

15:51Just a full pig. Put it in the overhead compartment and fly. I think it's probably a pretty quick flight from LA to Manila and then get in a cab in the hot sun and take this rotten fetid pork to your father and say, hey, you're the guy that thought I was rude. Have this rotting pork. And then I think we'd be best buddies. Don't you think? I think he would think you were courting him. But yeah, you know, give it a try. You are so season three American botulism. So. I can't believe that got three seasons.

16:31It almost didn't finish one. If you can win my father's approval, then you can do something I haven't, so that'll be really cool. Oh.

16:42Maybe we can work together. I have my ways. I tend to win people over. Sony, you've seen me in action. I have, I have. Yeah. Even the biggest naysayers, you get them on your side. I don't know. Not that there are that many, but yeah. Yeah, I've seen it happen. So many big naysayers. Not so big. Win them over. Just people that had slight hesitation and they overcame it. Quite a few people. Not a lot. A lot of people. Not big Nick Sayers. Eloise, are there any events that we would go to together? Are there any events in the trans community that I could participate in? Yeah, we are doing some event for trans women and trans men.

17:15We're doing one for men where we talk about healthy masculinity. What does it take to be a good man? And we also give people, I hope we're planning this, hoping to give people haircuts while we're talking about that in a barber shop. and then we have one for trans women where we talk about what it means to be a good woman um in a more progressive way cool healthy are you are you interested in either of those sure i was just hoping at one point there's alcohol involved you know going to a club or something but i yes i like those i think what you're doing sounds very cool and very healthy but at some point i want to i want to hit the dance floor do you understand you've got to see my moves to believe them, Eloise.

17:56You've got to see them. Why does it sound like a threat? Yes. Yes. That's not necessarily a brag. Unless my demands are met, Eloise. Unless there's a suitcase full of cash in this podcast office tomorrow, you will see me dance. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You have 24 hours. The clock is ticking. Well, Eloise, it was - I think it's a good way. Eloise, it was very nice talking to you and you are very funny. You seem very funny and very cool. And I do believe you're a healer because I've had fun talking to you and you have healed me. So what do you think of that? That's great. Yeah. I think that'll be$250.

18:41All right. I'll get it to you. Thank you, Eloise. Nice talking to you. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Thanks, guys. Thanks. Conan O 'Brien needs a fan. with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are down.