My Property Isn't Normal | CreepCast

49:07I'm telling you, it happens. That's the worst part is when any fat person falls down, it looks catastrophic and they always have to do the shirt tug. I would rather someone... I'd rather look like a fucking idiot getting hit by a car than have someone see the fucking underside of a peanut. That's like what the bottom of my stomach looks like. I'd rather have my fucking skull split open on the concrete than have someone see that the fucking circus peanut under my shirt so after i yell and he ignores me i start getting impatient i yelled the same thing at him again a little louder and still ended up with the same response what a dick now i'm livid because he's making me ruin all my chances of seeing deer this afternoon by making me yell at him so naturally i started a brisk stroll over to tell him off to his face or maybe kick his ass i already noticed he didn't have a rifle so i just assumed that he was watching like i was planning on doing of course he could have had a concealed handgun but i'm a dumbass so i didn't consider that then i heard the crunch of something under my foot and the sudden sound of rope sliding across the surface at high speed i froze for a fraction of a second did you say rope did you say rope or rope okay i could have swear i heard you say i was like oh my god the sudden sound of rape sliding across the surface

50:36i froze for a fraction of a second and before i could speak out and oh shit i'm hanging upside down for my ankle yeah right there's a loop around my leg that held me suspended seven feet off the ground like a damn cartoon yeah right dude and there ain't no There ain't no roll pull in this big boy. You kidding me? Yeah, fucking right. It's like deep sea. It's like deep sea, like boat, like those giant thick ropes. It's the only thing that's holding them. Yeah. It's like there's a ship anchor over in the trees. Yeah. A carnival cruise airline or a carnival cruise ship's anchors on the other side of the tree falling.

51:19Well, like the way these traps work is they're counterweights, which is why they're easy to do. for like rabbits but in movies they'll have people get them it's like you have to have like a 500 pound weight off to the side to yoink someone up in the tree like that i was like a looney tunes character i couldn't help but roll my eyes i mean it was camo and i look up reread this reread that normal hold on a second go back to there was a loop around my leg again i just want to hear it They're all strung together. Okay. There was a loop around my leg that held me suspended seven feet off the ground like a damn cartoon.

51:56I was like a Looney Tunes character. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I immediately knew it was camo. When I look up or down, shit, I was upside down, so I don't really know where I had to look, but I saw him slowly climbing down the ladder. Like, really slowly. What a dramatic guy. if he wasn't so obsessed with appearances he probably could have killed me that's what i think he wanted to do anyway there was a machete on his hip that i can now see and the blade was chipped at in a way that made it look serrated wouldn't have been a very useful tool unless you wanted to use it to inflict pain i think the biggest flaw with camo's trap though was that he didn't account for the fact that 99 of people who live alone in the woods learn that carrying a large knife at all times is a necessary thing if you want to stay alive uh you know what's funny about this it is obscene to imagine like a young fit well-to-do guy in these situations right like the whole like the stolen valor thing like imagine imagine like a d1 football player getting like now the skin walkers making fun of the troops you know like it's it's so beyond the realm of what you could put together so it the story forces you to imagine him as like overweight socially maladjusted person um so then every line he says afterwards just sounds so like what i mean as he's upside down as he's hanging upside down i'm just imagining he's breathing like a like a pug and whenever he fell down his sleep app machine fell out of his uh out of his back jacket and it's on the ground right now and he's like okay gotta have trouble sleeping at night i guess yeah it's gonna have to get another one of those i wish i could tell you that i did a flip after i cut myself down and landed on my feet like some sort of badass but i didn't i landed on the back of my neck and my vision went dark for 15 seconds which I guess

54:08yeah if this guy lands on his head it's over it's gone which I guess was enough time for Tweedle Dumbass to finally get to the bottom of my ladder stand as I stood up I saw that he was standing completely still at the base of the stand still 50 yards away from me staring at me I could hear his thoughts from here damn why did he get out shit shit shit then he turned and bolted this dude it's it's almost impressive how well the story can just remove any tension or interest because in the midst of this i was like well the idea of a guy called camo that's like a ghost that wears hunter's clothes that's interesting but then the moment is that interesting is that interesting if you had the story because like if you were full head-to-toe camo you can't see the person at all so i was almost imagining like an invisible man kind of figure like a like a ghost that just looks like hunter's clothing walking through the woods and if it's never speaking and it shows up in hunter's positions i think conceptually it'd be interesting outside of the story but then the moment we interact with it it's just this it's just like everything else is which that leads me to ask like going back to the court chungus thing like what purpose does that serve in a story other than to damage it you know i like that uh every also every enemy so far has turned and bolted everyone everyone has run away it's been a big thing because they would just kill him if they didn't yeah or i just i have no idea how to remove the other tension so either i black out or they run away yeah yeah i either pass out or they run away because if they stay there with them then they could just you know kill them and it's over each show.

55:49the guy falls from uh half a foot up lands on his feet rolls his ankle immediately oh wouldn't that be a strange scared camo and runs off half a foot like a stair step it's a lot of weight coming down he's in his uh he's in his large tongue dc shoes he's in there he rolls right also he's wearing like one of those peaky blinder hats by the way instead of the one that's covering his ears it's it's a full peaky blinders hat his uh the belly caps or whatever. Yeah. One of those. He's wearing like he's wearing checkered, like checkered cargo pants. Yeah. Whatever like a ska band would wear. He went to the barber.

56:40It was like, I want to look like Thomas Shelby for Peaky Blinders. So they gave him like the fade, but the way his head shaped, it just looks like a pinhead, like a little hair on top. It looks like a monkey. Looks like King Kong. Like how the apes have those little crescent tops. The tufts of hair on the top of their head. Well, he went in there doing that, but the top of his hair is already so thin that they kind of just like snipped it a couple times and he's like, you guys are miracle workers. He was really confident walking out of the barbershop and someone said something about it and he felt bad.

57:16Hello there. I want to look like Thomas Shelton. That'll fix everything. that'll fix everything this dude was booking I lost sight of him in less than 30 seconds into my chase and had to give up I bet I need to jog more

57:40it's right in itself baby I mean again stuff like that like am I supposed is the author intended me to imagine a young fit guy who's like i lost him after 30 seconds i need to jog more like come on and what more by the time i got back to the ladder stand it was already getting dark i didn't even get to watch any deer i've seen camo on multiple other occasions as well but i figured him out he got me the first time but this traps really aren't that sneaky they're elaborate but not sneaky he always appears in an area that i plan on hunting in Don't know how he knows where I'm going to be, but I stopped questioning stuff on this land a long time ago, and I always notice him long before I get to the location.

58:28Again, I have no idea how he plans this shit out. And secondly, there's always a trap set somewhere directly between when I first spot him and his actual location. Like, if I were to draw a line from him to where I see him from, the trap will always be on that line. also another important thing to realize is that none of his traps are fatal they're all meant to keep me from escaping but not kill me they do hurt though one time almost stepped in a bear trap he had set out and it for sure would have broken my leg had it got me just cuts to his non-fatal swollen swollen purple calves he does step on it and it's just like the bear trap has no distance to move so it just like doesn't do anything.

59:13His leg fills up the entire bear trap. Yeah. Swollen foot fills it. Yeah. He's like, damn you Cambo. He's like, diabetic socks are stopping the bear trap from piercing his skin. His compression socks are saving him. Shut up.

59:30I love that idea. Cambo doesn't take into account my dollar general compression socks. Camo doesn't know I'm built for this. Yeah. Camo doesn't realize I'm built different. Camo doesn't know the wrath he called down.

1:00:06sneaking around as if camera doesn't always come and they can hear him wheezing from out far away he can hear the CPAP he can hear the CPAP he can hear the CPAP he sound like Darth Vader walking through the woods Camo sees him and then Camo sees him and he's like that is the fattest deer I've ever seen oh my god

1:00:40this non-fatal part was his downfall i figured out that he didn't want me to die in a trap he probably he probably wanted to do the deed himself or maybe do something else but he really didn't want me dead in a trap so all i had to do my god move on from it i'm a trap right who cares move on from there's been like three of those paragraphs where they just he says the same thing over and over and over again god help me good lord someone killed this fat bastard dude good don't worry hunter don't worry hunter because after the lady in the tree hooked me up with the 45 over a year and a half ago oh my god one of the first problems i wanted to solve with it was the creator of the various nets, ankle snares, and holes that attempted to contain me many times before.

1:01:31The hole just plumps down. He looks like a fresh-baked oven. He looks like a fresh-baked muffin coming out of the oven. It's like his upper half. He's like, dang it, Camel! God! He's just firing off shots from the hole up there in the ground.

1:01:54He has this giant minister with Lego set there. He's like, Camo! And I knew exactly how I was going to do it. One of Camo's recurring traps was just a large 11-foot deep hole covered by a large amount of suspiciously patterned sticks and leaves that could literally be seen 100 yards away. I just had to wait until he used this trap again. After a swinging log that I think was supposed to knock me out and another net that was meant to land on top of me, I might add that it was made of wire so I couldn't cut through it, but it also had a glare from the sunlight that made it impossible not to see.

1:02:28I finally came across the trap I was looking for. Four weeks after I got the gun, I find myself walking towards an 11-foot hole trying to pretend I don't see it. Suddenly, I start falling. I was ready for the fall and let out a loud yell as I traveled downwards, and as I hit the ground, I stayed as quiet as possible, which was hard considering the broken toe and dislocated

1:02:54you see what i mean like no no if he was capable he wouldn't have broken his toe and dislocated his knee from the drop down it was a far far drop a far a far three foot drop into the hole yeah a far half foot drop screw camo for making me do this i army crawled over to the side of the hole and laid my head against the side to make it look like i'd broken my neck then i waited took 15 minutes for that little prick to dramatically make his way over to me but i heard him walking up to the edge of the hole i obviously had to close my eyes to appear dead because i couldn't run the risk of blinking but i almost smiled when i heard camo mutter to himself oh shit no no no they're gonna be so fucking pissed I took advantage of the moment and quickly opened my eyes and whipped out the pistol firing three shots at him as quickly as I could I missed with all but one literally just like bam bam bam closing his eyes can't aim the bullet that met its mark put a hole in Camo's shoulder and he let out a garbled scream of nonsense and gibberish something along the lines of you piece of fucking you piece of fucking you I can't believe that ass fucking you shit he did end up running away but as he ran I heard him say fuck this dude oh shit I'm fucking done I was laughing my ass off imagine him imagine him laying on his back his big belly jiggling he's like winter is coming pulling out a little Debbie oatmeal cream cookie from his back pocket it's still laying on the ground

1:04:46it's also just funny to imagine someone who like there's multiple entities in the woods trying to kill him he can't explain and he still just goes into the woods constantly for no reason yeah why why I there's no reason well we haven't we haven't figured out his super dark deep seedy past why he can't let's throw a bear trap out right now do you think he gets a girl at some point in this or like the lady in the trees like a siren figure lady of the lake sort of thing i think she's a for some reason she's a hero i feel like he's probably a vet of some kind and he yeah he had something happen where he broke down maybe trying to save someone or something like that so maybe she's like an entity that knows he's a good deed or like she's a tree spirit that knows he's a like a good soul or something i don't know though yeah i reckon it'll go in a similar direction i don't know how yet but something like that i feel like what i was getting at is i feel like there's going to be a waifu element in here somewhere god i hope it's at some point there's going to be like like an attractive woman that like sees even if it's a spirit who sees the good in him kind of thing you're not like the others you're not like the others are you yep no ma 'am i am not till i really till i realized i was severely injured and had to climb out of this hole good thing it was daytime though or i might not have noticed the black rope the camo had lowered into the hole while he was cursing himself for killing me i somehow managed to pop my knee back in a joint based on shit i had seen earlier in life okay and climbed out to limp my way back to the house that was such a good day broken toes are expensive to get treated though i bet you'd know the best part is that i haven't seen camo since that day it actually worked wish i could pull something like that off with skinny another thing that i guess i need to explain to all of you readers is the lady in the tree i've mentioned her a few times now and at least some of you are probably wondering about her honestly don't know much about her myself but she is hands down the best thing on this property my first experience with her was when she healed a broken eardrum that i had suffered when meeting what i think was a banshee down in my creek it was busted when she screeched really loud and do we just read that sleep yeah god it was one part ago describe it he'll describe it don't god damn get me out of this fucking hell holy shit don't worry it's only part two of nine oh god nine i woke up perfectly fine the next morning almost thought it was all a dream until i saw the blood still on my pillow and the broken flashlight that i had used in personal defense well i guess this was the first time it affected me directly but not the first time she had helped me out the true first time i didn't realize was her until last night it was the gun the gun that i talked about purchasing in part one wasn't really purchased we know because you told us that the lady and why also why also why tell us in the what doesn't make sense is you told us that in the first part right yeah well and also it's somewhere it was either the first part or in this part it said that the lady gave it to him yeah so why why even lie about that in the first part like why not just say hey the lady in the tree gave me a gun well hannah well hannah i didn't want to lie because i just wasn't willing to admit that i looted it off an old corpse and i had found in an abandoned log cabin in the back of the property so there you go this is an example of how sneaky she is i only started to wonder if it was her doing while i was recording the first set of these stories and i started to think about how good of shape this gun was in of course it was a little dirty when i found it but it was also in perfect operating condition and i figured that the skeleton that was clutching it didn't need it anymore but hell at this point i wouldn't be surprised if he came to life each night either way i left the cabin with the newest sidearm two boxes of ammunition i didn't really think about it much because finding a gun on a body is pretty mild considering the events that go down here on a week-to-week basis but yesterday i started questioning the real origins of this gun it was so well maintained a new feeling when i got it but the skeleton looked like it had been there forever not to mention the fact that the gun was unloaded and the boxes of ammo were unopened but the skeleton looked like it had died holding the gun like he was intending to use it.

1:09:12Didn't add up. So I headed back to the cabin and I found my answer. Everything was the same when I got there as it had been over a year ago. I mean, nothing had changed, especially not the body. The exact same as before. I was nervous at first, not because the body scared me, but because the joke about the skeleton coming back to life from earlier wasn't really that far-fetched in this place. I've never seen an undead skeleton, but I have seen other forms of undead. Maybe I'll tell you about those experiences sometime. Nervous or not, though, I had to confirm my suspicion. I approached the body and started examining the clothes.

1:09:47Just like I expected, the flannel shirt and brown jeans had no tags. Not like they had been ripped out, but like they were never there to begin with. Now, there was only one more thing to check. I took out my knife and scraped the blade down the skeleton's exposed arm bone. Sure enough, the shaving fell off. It was wood. the entire skeleton was made of wood and painted a lightish brown among other discolorations to look like the real deal the lady in the tree is very talented when it comes to wood but she can do so much more i've only seen her in person two times once when i caught a glimpse of her smiling as she walked into an opening into a tree only to close the opening with the door that fits so perfectly i couldn't see the edges when i walked up to it it just looked like a normal tree and a second time two days later after i encountered the screeching banshee in the creek i saw her out the window of my front door smiling in she winked at me and ducked out of view i ran to the door to try to see her fully but by the time i swung the door open she was gone in the night nowhere to be seen which is really annoying but almost consider us friends by now and she still won't show herself to me fully.

1:10:56One day, princess, you'll understand. Oh God. Now, when I saw her the second time, I didn't know what or who she was, but when I looked at the ground in defeat, I noticed a small sheet of what looked like homemade paper. On it was a short message that read, I wish to congratulate on killing the Kielut. He was bringing evil over the land that was distressing the forest. I don't know how you actually ended him, but I'm happy all the same. I've seen you roaming and I am certain you have seen me. We work towards the same goal, cleansing this land. My vows as medicine woman keep me from directly interfering with the creature of this land, but I wish you luck on your mission.

1:11:34I will support you from the shadows as best I can. I hope your ears feel better. So I think the key load she was talking about me killing, I think was a rabbit coyote that I killed a few days before the creek incident. It was hairless and just stared at me through some trees. i think it was trying to intimidate me to leave its territory so i shot it between the eyes and left my my territory bitch but this was the first time i realized that i found but this just this idea of a comically fat man like walking up in the woods and just shooting an animal in between the eyes and leaving but this was the first time i realized that I finally had someone on my side on this land and that was a relief.

1:12:21She was actually really helpful. Once I got bit by a rattlesnake and when I got home there was a bottle labeled anti-venom sitting on my kitchen table. Another time I got bit by one of the shadow children while I was hiking and when I got home there was a bottle of purple liquid and a glass vial in the same place on the table. I honestly expected it to heal the wound or something but it just made me really drunk because she couldn't help me much that time she said other stuff too but now i'm kind of worried about her i haven't heard or experienced any hell from her in eight months i'm worried something got to her or even worse what if she's mad at me i mean skinny almost killed me six months ago and she didn't do shit i've grown to like her and even depend on her a bit but she's just gone i think i'll call it quits for this post but hopefully i can stay alive long enough to for the next post the hunt for skinny continues and if you don't know who that is shame on you for not reading the first post before now and if you do know who that is i appreciate any suggestions you have for killing him see y 'all next time cole signing off end of part two and uh i'm just gonna read you a uh the comment on this uh post uh someone said i've been following this story and suffice to say am not disappointed maybe the lady's ignoring you because you've been investigating her too much so she does sound shy i hope she's okay though as for the skinnies i'm thinking of using the same kind of alluring tricks as theirs use recordings of your own making it sound like you were in distress and set traps alongside their traps or place traps on your own in totally different locations but make yours as but make yours as damaging as possible.

1:14:02I hope the skinnies don't see you setting them.

1:14:08Well, you know what, Hunter? Maybe you and I are just jaded. And maybe it's nice to be the kind of person that can get really into this kind of thing. To be the target audience. Maybe that feels good. There's no way I could be having a positive... There's no way us reading this can have a positive effect for this story i feel like no no so here's the question is that ship sailed on that one here's the here's the question that is literally part two of nine do we want to try to pivot at all is this going to be something that people are just going to complain about versus is is this a fun crash out or is this just like people just you know i mean are they just gonna be like god this is terrible this is better than happy happy and that thing did numbers so i guess but but happy happy has like a like a cult like status doesn't it the dude you should see the amount the story's been recommended to us okay all right fine we'll keep going i feel like every video we post people are like my property is a normal property is a and yes they know what they're doing they know why they're recommending it um but you know just like that comment you read though maybe maybe if you if you can enjoy going to disney world and you can like marvel movies and stuff like that and you can watch all the tv shows maybe that's what it is to be free you know to just attach yourself to that degree maybe it's nice you know well part three yeah part three hey guys i'm back it's gonna be every part hunter i know it's been a few days since my last post one of the pails chewed through the wires of my generator and since civilians aren't allowed out to hear about the organization i had to wait three days for one of their electricians to get out here the only reason i knew it was pale that chewed through my main cable was because i watched it do it i was hoping it would electrocute itself but i forgot that part where that's the only source of power for my house since then chosen to had stolen my backpack oh chosen's the name of the group whatever this is probably a good time to say that if you haven't read the first years of all but they are bomb back to the regularly scheduled programming i realized while i was stuck in the dark for the past three days reading books hiking out of boredom that i hadn't told you all about the pails yet they suck but they're kind of funny once you figure them out i've seen them on quite a few occasions on the property the pails are white humanoids that crawl on the ground on all fours usually dragging their belly and using the same motion that spider-man uses to climb wall they can move at about a jogging pace and their faces are usually stuck in distorted expressions of pain or anger and boy are they stupid as all hell let me tell you about the first time i saw one.

1:17:11I'd already been living here about seven months. I think so. I was becoming familiar with the weird shit that calls this place home. I was out hiking some of my trails, kind of halfway looking for weird shit, halfway minding my own business. And suddenly I can hear what sounds like a baseball player sliding through the leaves of the forest floor, trying to reach home plate ahead of me. Only the sliding didn't stop and it was coming straight towards me. I prepare myself by taking out my trusty bear grill. I like how he has to specify that as a bear grills and survival knife each time. Every fucking trusty bear grill survival knife.

1:17:45And I mean, what I would describe is an aggressive stance. What do you think an aggressive stance for this guy looks like? God, I imagine it's got to be striking some kind of anime pose, you know, holding the hand up, curling the finger kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. I felt pretty badass. Not gonna lie. expecting some creature to come barreling out of the bushes in front of me i was a little shocked to see a butt naked man with super pale skin drag itself out from under the brush on its stomach what is it with the naked dudes on my land can i get a pretty woman at least what can i get a pretty woman at least once anyways after i got done being flabbergasted and became aware of my surroundings again i became aware that the dude was almost on me and was reaching out for my leg so i jumped on his back and it worked like a charm slow bastard didn't have superhuman strength like some of the other things out here so when i landed on its back it couldn't do anything but sat there and flop its legs and arms around like a fish i fucking i'm in hell i fucking hate this i am in hell he he is he is peeking through the cracks and admitting that he is a fat man like a huge guy who can't do a lot.

1:18:58Him being a giant shot is still fun, but I'm just saying. Him dropping down on this crawling thing and it's like, at this point, I'm on the verge of Tia's. It hears me laughing and tries to turn its head and spit on me, which it can't do and that made me actually start crying laughing. I felt, again, like just Is this a horror story? that's okay so that that's what i was talking about with like what does this add because it kills the horror i could see people making the case that this stuff is good for children's horror stories so you don't make it too scary but i feel like you just don't make it scary at all we just we had the same problem with it we had the same problem with the recording we did recently where it was like it's a horror pod it's like you're on a horror you're submitting a horror story right yeah like it's taking taking the wind out of this horror you can do funny things like there's art like there's ways of implementing comedy into horror but i feel like because they both can be very intertwined with like absurd like how absurd things can be but yeah look at jordan peele stuff for example yeah jordan peele uh zach zach gregor i think his name is but like weapons barbarians all that stuff there's moments of having of releasing tension and like subverting those expectations of what you think is going to happen with something that's comical.

1:20:22It's just like, at what point is this just like a thing? It seems very odd. I'm surprised that No Sleep allows this as something that's just so not even a horror story. It just feels like because you put Skinwalker in it, it makes it fine. Well, they hit the indestructible pedophile quota. It's got to be somewhere. I think it can be implied that skinny likes kids. So right this way, sir. You can post your story to No Sweep anytime. I fell off of it at this point and the creature quickly turned around and locked its teeth onto the toe of my left boot. I like to wear steel toe boots throughout the property because even though they're heavy, I know that in the scuffle, being able to kick with a boot and not having to worry about breaking a toe is a nice little advantage.

1:21:11This is what led me to realize that even though the creature didn't have super strength, it did have a super bite force. When it first slashed onto my boot, I wasn't worried and started trying to shake the thing off without much urgency. I already knew it wasn't a man by this point because it didn't possess an asshole or other genitals. That's the first thing he checked. But I got a lot.

1:21:36Do you have a pussy dick? Do you have a pussy dick or a bole? Hmm. That's the first thing he checks. That's the first thing he checks. and also a little scratch and sniff session here both of them to say an asshole or other genitals it's like that's not what that is i just like you check for the asshole the asshole first perfect excellent yeah he's he's the real creature out here everything else is great i pray for the creatures and the the poor animals and these women camo's trying to save everyone yeah camo is a camo is a white-tailed deer that's just like walking around the forest i have to save my brothers but i got a little worried when i noticed the end of my boot changing shapes as the steel in the end started to bend i then said out loud if you don't stop right now i'm gonna stab your head you little shit it pauses if debating on the decision and then slowly started biting down again while his eyes looked up at me as if to try and call my buff i wasn't bluffing few seconds later the thing is frantically clawing its way back into the forest with my favorite Bear Grylls survival stop saying that did you see they've added the trademark this time that's funny that's funny

1:23:00that's really funny I like that yeah you do still in the back of its stupid head nobody likes a thief got back home fine but I had to replace my favorite knife and get a new pair of boots. So it was a pretty shitty hike. It was the next time I saw one. So when I figured out their biggest fear and it's so stupid, I just like, gosh, it's funny because like the bear grill survival knife, like you buy those at Walmart, right? It's like a person who's never been outside before idea of a perfect survival knife, right? just everything he's saying is like I feel like part 9 is going to be like none of this matters I'm in my parents house forever maybe one day only the bear girls the bear girls joke where you keep talking about it where it's like I get it I get what it's you know it's funny because it's a very specific kind of blade that's what makes it funny you know and it's so not serious I get it but if he legitimately slices his wrist vertically at the end I will with that bear girl's knife that is the only saving grace if he sits in the woods he slices his wrist and he's just like now I go into the long night since I missed my sweet tree spirit right there's the tree oh dude the tree bear trap this tree spirit rejects him and then he kills himself that that's the only hilarious ending yeah that would it would be a goaded story if that was the case i uh i i'm more so just pointing out that the bear girl's knife is a walmart knife it's similar similar to the whole like oh i uh after 30 seconds i lost him i need to work out more it's like he can't help but expose himself as i've never been in the woods in his life yeah yeah no no i he is it's it's the character that we are painting is re is re-informed every other paragraph for sure And I mean, the Walmart knife is definitely even adding to that.

1:25:08Yeah. Yeah. I was down in my creek playing with a new toy I'd gotten in town earlier that week. It was this net that was designed to catch little minnows and shit. And it was a blast. I don't really have any use for minnows or whatever other little fish I was catching because I can't go to the only pond on the property that had big fish in it since I made that deal with a crocodile man. So I was just catching them and letting them go. I'm suddenly greeted by the somewhat familiar sound of a grown man sliding across the ground on their belly. It had been almost two months since the last incident I had with the pail, but I immediately recognized the sound.

1:25:44This was the dude that stole my knife, and I really valued that Bear Grylls survival knife that can be purchased at your local Walmart. Okay. It really is a good product. unfortunately the pale that emerged this time wasn't the same one it had a different face and was more of a light pink than original white that was on the first pale it was still the same type of creature though this time things went down different as it tore into the clearing that i was in about 30 feet from me it froze with its eyes wide as it had torn through the brush i was already facing its direction holding the net spread out to my side the same way a bullfighter holds a red cape since I was preparing to throw the net into the creek.

1:26:30The pail's eyes were switching between looking at the net and looking at me, so I looked at the net and back to him. Then it clicked. No way. I giggled to myself as I started to catch on to what's happening. I took advantage of my suspicion and started running and flailing the net around at the pail, and it freaked out. It actually rolled over trying to turn so fast as it spun around and took off into the woods. I then started wheeze laughing as it fell to the ground with tears running down my face this thing can bite through steel but is terrified of a nylon net I know that might not be funny to some because I have a fuck you fuck you dude I know that might not be funny to some because I have a twisted sense of humor but it made my week long story short oh gosh I god dude long story long story short it's been a minute it's been a fucking minute holy shit oh gosh long story short I kept that little net in my hiking bag every time I go out now every pill I've come across is utterly mind screwed at the side of it good times man wish all the things around here were that easy to deal with on another note I got an email from an organization asking me about the keelah that the lady in the tree claimed that i killed in the last post they wanted to know if i had disposed the body and if they could come and retrieve the remains from the woods if i just left it then they said something that caught me off guard when i said something about having to check with the program that put me out here they responded with we are the parent organization of that program and proceeded to give me my own address and well as well as details about my former life they only the program should have known about in all seriousness i have a dark past and haven't i i so he's either going to be a soldier or he's going to be it could also be a soldier but he's going to be like some like agent x super soldier program and he's been put out here to tame the woods or something like that in all seriousness i have a dark past and haven't always been a great man but i'm done with that shit and it pissed me off that they would even bring it up i was bonded with the simple fine but don't bring that shit up again and block the email no one's shown up yet but i guess we'll see what happens on a good note i haven't seen skinny in a couple weeks so that's nice see you all next time and feel free to please leave your questions in the comments and if you have any ideas what these actually are or what a kill it is please tell me if any of you are good with research stuff i'd appreciate it talk to you all again soon end of part three part four part four um well i'm back guys welcome to part four of this documentary catalog um diary honestly don't know what this is anymore because i thought it was going to use this platform to tell stories of stuff that's happened to me in the past on this property but now i'm being forced to bring this journal to the present you see those people from that organization did come to see about the keylet and now there's a guy named mark living in my house and sleeping on my couch well not really sleeping more of unconscious but we'll get to that part later after a few days of this organization that wouldn't tell me their name not showing up i figured it was all just a troll who managed to figure out my email account and hack into my personal info but alas on the third day he rose no not really but four guys did it up knocking on my front door they were all dressed pretty normally except for the matching gray combat boots that told me that they these were and I know he's being sarcastic here but it just blends with everything he says about himself the combat boots told me these were men of action which also means they are going to try their hardest to push me around and play badass my suspicions were just like these these tall like military dudes walking into like this troll's house okay but you guys aren't going to push me around let's get that straight buddy good luck dealing with this two ton of steel right here my suspicions were confirmed when the guy in the lead identified himself as mark and immediately asked me where i claim to have actually killed a key lot what a quick look i still don't know what the fuck a key lot is and i don't claim to have killed one the lady in the tree said i killed one i assume she's talking about the hairless coyote I killed down near the creek.

1:31:08At the mention of the lady in the tree that they all looked at each other as an expression of this dude is a waste of time. The feeling was mutual. I like the idea. I like the idea that they all like converse with each other. They're like this guy is clearly mentally this is okay. So this is actually just a police wellness call that his parents called into his like suburban apartment and the police come to the door. Okay, your family's just checking up making sure you're okay. Then he goes back to his computer and he's like, the guys in boots came to ask about the lady in the tweet.

1:31:43Instead of Akilah, they're asking what the smell is and if they need to get the apartment heads involved. I was getting a little impatient. If you guys are done being superior to me, I could take you to where I killed the coyote. The one behind Mark, his name I don't remember, says, sure, let's get this over with. 30 minutes later we're staying in front of where i killed the thing that i now know was in a coyote look i know i may not have clarified it yet but i killed this thing well over a year ago shit maybe two years ago and the only reason that the organization knew that i had killed it was because of the post i made earlier this week a lot of decomposing and feeding can happen to a body in the woods over that long of time on top of that i hadn't been to this part of the property in a very long time because there aren't any trails or interesting locations here but i was taken back when i saw what had happened to this body over the course of the two years that have been out here absolutely nothing a lot this is the story gets so much better if you imagine all this is his delusion and he's showing like the apartment security where he shot a raccoon yeah it's his dead house cat.

1:32:56Yeah, this is where I shot the key light out here in the woods. It's just like a dead cat that he accidentally sat on the living room. Yeah, there's a giant bug that squatted. I think I think the organization's starting to catch on to what I'm doing out here. The body looked like I had shot it yesterday. Only evidence that it was older was the fact that all the blood had all seeped out of the a head wound and long since dried up, but the skin and face and the fur on its paws were completely preserved. It only had fur on its paws, which was odd. When we got to the body, the snickering crew of four went dead silent.

1:33:33You said this was killed around two years ago, didn't you? Yeah, but I haven't been down here since. Why is this thing still preserved like that? What the hell is happening? One of the guys who hadn't said a word up until this point chimed in. Keelits are so unnatural and dark that nothing occurs in nature will have anything to do with an unauthentic one. This includes bacteria, fungi, and scavenger animals. Then he muttered something about a level 107 beast. Mark looked at me with a serious face and said, So if this keelot story is true, does that mean that all the shit you said in those posts about the place were true?

1:34:05Before I could answer with a, what do you think, asshole, a low raspy laughter started to surround us and began to closing in. It was coming from all directions. We looked out from the body to see at least 50 hooded figures surrounding us, laughing menacingly. all four of the military men pulled their concealed pistols and took aim but before they could fire a shot i called out over the laughing hector i told you next time you and your little chosen crew sneak up on me i'm kicking your asses again this is that i'm legitimately i might i might i might dislike this might be the worst thing we've ever read i'm i'm telling you right now you know what though actually that's that's not fair i just it's not true it's not true it's so reddit chungus though it hurts yeah it's not true but i just i'm being i'm being i'm being a grumpy gill can a man be a grumpy gill this doesn't touch happy happy to be clear so everyone paused the chosen the four organization men and the pale that had just crested a hill 30 yards behind one of the cult members a few seconds later one of the hooded figures took off his hood to reveal a chubby jolly looking face with it's bold of you to say jolly looking face with rosy cheeks and wire rim prescription glasses oh man we didn't know they were with you cole we thought they were trespasses we're sorry actor said with the downcast gaze why'd you even need them to begin with actor Hector hesitated for a moment and said, Our God, what's a real sacrifice and those white, quality humidor thingies just aren't doing it for him anymore.

1:35:43This moment, the pale that I could see frozen on top of the hill turned and bolted back into the woods. Hector then proceeded to call to the other hooded figures. There was coal. We can't have them. There was a collective sigh as all the Chosen looked at the ground and walked away into the woods. I didn't notice until they were all gone that the four organization men had to lower their weapons the entire time. you pussies ready to head back to the house it gets dark at 45 minutes and if those guys got you on edge then you don't want to last then you won't last long at night mark shot me a look that explained to detail how much he hated me without the need for words while his three partners put on thick rubber gloves and put the key line into a sort of body bag just imagining the house cat in the apartment yeah he was just they put the key line in the bag the uh people on the hill were actually just like little white lego people from like a set of legos he had on his dresser that's his family calling him to ask if he's okay like we sent the police over there we haven't heard from you in a while and they're like yeah yeah that's hectic that part of the chosen you as we're walking back towards my house with the three stooges carrying the corpse of the dog demon, Mark starts questioning me.

1:36:58What was that group back there? Some cult, I guess. They told me they worship they worship Cthulhu or something. No, Cthulhu. That's funny. He seems kind of taken aback for a second and then asked, why do they seem weary of you, but not flinch when we had her guns trained on them? Simple. They don't fear death, but they do quack when exposed to severe pain for long enough. I mean it really writes itself the guy thinking he's some operator dude when I put them to pain for long enough I'm kind of like Mark Wahlberg in that movie Don't Survive again Mark seems surprised by my answer which also this guy's name is Mark so this might actually be Mark Wahlberg that he's with he started to strike me as simple minded so how did you inflict pain to them can you please for to just keep me going can you please give him a mark walberg voice what does mark walk so how did you inflict so how did you inflict this pain on them perfect i don't want to answer any more of these questions i really didn't this was the kind of shit that i don't like to dwell on that was a different life and i don't like when it seems back into the present.

1:38:20Sure, it's nice to have the local murder cult leave you alone, but I used methods that I regret to get that luxury. The last thing Mark said to me on our hike back to the house was, Look, dude, my mind is telling me you're batshit crazy, but my instincts are telling me that you're a threat. Which one are you?

1:38:46Hey, so me and my friends are going to go beat up this Chinese guy. Yeah. Hey, you look like a threat. Do you want to go blind to Vietnamese guy real quick? Vietnamese, that was it, yeah. And then not apologize about it, yeah. For years. But then say that I apologize to God for boogie nights. That's all that matters. Also, if I was on the plane on 9-11, it would have gone completely differently. I'm just saying it would have ended with a lot of blood and... What did he say? It would have ended with a lot of blood and me telling everyone we're going to be alright. I hate you, Marvel. Yeah, that's real for those that don't know.

1:39:24He said he could have stopped 9-11. I looked him dead in the eyes and mumbled. That's up to you. Let me tell you, the look on his face was priceless. I love mind games. I hate this filthy fucking asshole. God damn, I hate him. I hate him so much. Yep. a few minutes later we reached the house and all four of the goons walked up to the big black van they had arrived in they started loading up the body and as i reached my door to go inside i hear mark start raising his voice while talking on his phone what this guy isn't even the right head i know this is stuff here but why with look let me get a team down okay yes he does have experience but wait, what did you just say?

1:40:11Dude, I'm telling you. Okay. I'm back in because the idea of Mark Wahlberg, like doing that on the phone, like full operator gear. And it's just like the fattest dude ever. And he's like, this guy's got a spear. Go ahead. Call your boss. I love playing mind games. Tell them who sent you. He then stares at me with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. They told him where I came from. I could tell by the way he looked at me. He hung up the phone without any more arguing and began to walk over to me. As he reaches me, he says, My hopes have told me that I need to stay with you for a while and keep an eye on activity around here.

1:40:56Responded with, You can't be serious. Wish I wasn't. I imagine like a foot of height difference between them.

1:41:09They're like so close to each other. Mark's looking straight down. He said back and added, They also wanted me to remind you that you didn't pay for this house or this property either. That I opened my door with my best Butler impression and gestured for him to enter my home. As he walked through the door and dropped what I assumed to be his emergency book out back on the floor, he froze. Can I just say one thing real quick? Screw Skinny. I didn't hear how heavily he was breathing at first because the van was making noise as it was driving away. But as those sounds faded, I realized that Mark was breathing like he had just sprinted a marathon.

1:41:48His eyes were trained on the window with his body completely rigid with his hand on his hip ready to draw his gun. I followed his gaze to the window where I confronted Skinny many times before. And sure enough, there he was. Only this time he wasn't someone I recognized. This time he was a fairly attractive, tall and athletically blonde woman. She was smiling and holding a heart-shaped balloon. Upon closer inspection, I could see the balloon read, It's a girl. I rushed in front of Mark to try and snap him out of whatever trance he was in, but I soon realized tears were welling up in his eyes. By this, I gathered that this woman was no longer with us, and the girl most likely wasn't either.

1:42:27Screw you, Skinny. I calmly started explaining what Skinny was to Mark, but soon after I started, he stopped me. I read the stories, Cole. I don't think you've talked about this thing before but I'm trying to handle these kinds of things so don't worry about me because I'm gonna fucking kill it that's an excellent Mark Wahlberg by the way the kill it what? no what? no ma 'am no with that he made a mad dash to the back door in an effort to get outside and confront Skinny I managed to block him and push him to the ground saying that he won't come inside so just keep your shit together and we live Mark wasn't in a listening mood though he jumped back to his feet straight into a fighting stance oh great after a few seconds he threw a fast left hook straight for my face but he wasn't fast enough I ducked under the swing and connected my elbow to the underside of his chin he went out like a light oh god fuck you dude you fat piece of shit I fucking hate this cock sucker punch ever

1:43:37he went out like the light by the time the scuffle was over skinny was gone I put Mark on the couch now I'm typing this thinking about how going through his computer thinking about going through his computer before he wakes up anyways that's it for today please if anyone knows what a key light is let me know what did I kill and why did Mark mean by he was trained to deal with this kind of stuff what is he wow alright part five what no dude did you do you see the sentence what what is he a monster hunter or something I know I didn't wow wow wow it's a collection of everything we hate it's a collection of everything we hate rolled into one it's what the story is over the hillside and I see it cresting there's something that happened to something in the basement like it wow that one that was like paying respect to your grandparents.

1:44:34I like that one. Oh, so monster hunter, huh? I'll try to get some answers before my next post. See y 'all soon. This story was cosmically. This story was it's eight years ago. It was put back in time as a landmine for us. Now. I think, I think this is a penance that from the signs I'm seeing in the callbacks to previous stories were supposed to serve. This is our destiny hunter to read this. Um, cause honestly, I am having a good time. I'm actually a walk Mark Wahlberg with the guy who like waddles everywhere he goes like, but the, but that guy is like one punch chaos and stuff like that. I'm having fun now.

1:45:14You're not having fun, but that's okay. You don't have to. No, I, uh, I know. Well, I guess what? It's about me now. Well, that's fine. As long. Cause you know what? Usually if you're having a good time, I know the viewers are having a good time. I just, am I like your, your canary in the coal mine for that? I mean it has to be I have to basically just be like well if Isaiah says it's okay and he's having a good time then it's worth it because I want to abandon ship I want I yeah well it's just at a point now we're like I mean obviously it's been ridiculous the whole way through but with details like Mark Wahlberg and um just him like him being so unfit for everything but also revered as like a massive hero it's perfect yeah this deal this deal of writing the character is such a badass is such a weird concept to me of like because obviously writing your character is like a perfect hero with the dark past is so strange yeah they uh it's obvious that yeah he was like a badass military guy before yeah or whatever and he respects the troops let's remember that Well, absolutely.

1:46:21Oh, absolutely. 100%. Yeah. Which is why he's coming for you, Hunter, because you have said twice now that you will do stolen. I will do stolen. Yeah, that's three times, three times. Part five. I usually try to do some kind of intro to these posts, but today I'm too excited to take the time to do that. He's also spelled excited wrong every time he said the word excited. If you haven't read my previous posts, you should, though. They're quite a bit more action-packed and explain all the events I'd aware of. Do you all remember last post when I joked about Mark being some kind of monster hunter or something?

1:46:55Well, I went through his computer and I'll be damned if he isn't. He's got files on files and even more files about all these different tangibles, which I think just means monsters. I haven't managed to find a file on the key lot. No wonder they didn't believe I had killed one. Apparently, a kill it is a creature in Native American mythology that's described as a furless dog-like thing. It does have fur on its paws though, which supposedly makes it impossible to hear or track in the wild. Pretty tame so far, right? Don't worry, it gets better. Apparently looking at them is supposed to immediately fry your brain and disorient you, making you an easy kill for the creature.

1:47:31But that didn't happen to me. The only reason I could think of for the mind cooker effect not happening to me is because I don't process things the same anymore. Not after the events that led me to live out here. or maybe it wasn't even a key lot there were a few more details I didn't get to read because before I could finish I felt cold steel on my neck Mark had woken up and was now pressing a knife to my throat what do you think you're doing with my computer the fuck does it look like I'm trying to figure out who the man that passed down my couch is so when he's outside he wears like the Peaky Blinders belly cap but when he's inside he has a fedora a pinstripe fedora for like casual wear.

1:48:16Yeah, he looks like the lead singer, like a 6XL version of the lead singer Fallout Boy from like 2007 or 2008. His exact same outfit on. This ain't a scene. It's a goddamn job's face.

1:48:36Just imagine him now walking through the woods lumbering.

1:48:45I'm just not sure you're bad but you're just a line of song just fatly singing you say fatly yeah just fatly singing just stuffing his face you know what I mean I know what you mean by that too I know you're asking me you know what I mean no that's not from a personal experience how do you know how you sing fatly I'm like oh that's right that's what it was so self-deprecating you're a fantastic singer and everyone knows it there's entire clips on youtube of you just singing because people just clip that from videos in this podcast and stuff like that we didn't have a hear your we need to have it was me i didn't have a comp fat shut up we didn't have a we did have a compilation of uh hunter singing fatly on creepcast okay yeah okay yeah well you know what lay on whatever sword you want buddy whatever you want yeah fatly lay on whatever story sword you want yeah lay on any sword you want that isn't getting out of the story because you can't use that one yet mark's hot for a second still not moving the knife from my neck then he asked what why no how did you knock me out i know you have a dodgy history but close quarter fighting is my specialty but all I can remember is going to hit you then I went dark careful not to move and slit my own throat I said you got desperate and I went for one hit knockout frankly your left hook is too slow for to hit your opponent when you clearly telegraphed exactly what you were planning on doing with your hips I dropped under the blow and threw my elbow to the bottom of your jaw he's doing like dragon ball instant transmission fight moves like appearing around him the knife loosened a little you seem to know your stuff why pretend to be a dumbass then excuse me first of all I'm not pretending to be anything second of all fuck you so on excuse or excite he never puts the C before the X yes so it's just excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me also I will say that this story is nine times funnier when not only is it like this morbidly overweight guy but Mark Wahlberg is legitimately impressed like he truly believes this guy's a super soldier yo you're pretty impressive actually the knife you want to be in the sequel to mile 22 too the knife fell away completely now i took the opportunity to turn and start asking my own questions so you actually are a fucking monster hunter then huh the dude monster hunter huh the words monster it does it does feel like this is this it feels almost too too close to what this feels like a a punishment for something right right like because starting this podcast i think yeah that would do it uh monster hunter huh we had a bear trap a literal bear trap come up we had what was the other thing we said earlier that was a reference long story short long story short like they're just these are our demons come back to haunt us and then our character is basically david king i mean that's like that's what i keep thinking of yeah yeah this is this is pretty much david king at this point stolen valor got that got that coming up like man you know how like every and all the kids shows on all the animated shows there was an episode where someone attacked them at their base like kids next door teen titans this is this is that episode for us they found us they're in our home now he paused to a moment before replying yeah i guess i am so why is an organization that employs monster hunters also the owner of the organization that is helping me escape my past i love the guy who types this dialogue and is like yeah he's like hot freaking five baby this is awesome why is the organization that employs monster Hunter Hunter's the owner that's helping me escape my past.

1:53:18I wonder if Cole's a monster. Nailed it. Nailed it. Mark wince this time. Not a good sign. Cole, the organization that's claiming to help you escape your past probably doesn't exist. My organization has many false companies that's used to gather intelligence and run experiments. I have reasons to believe that they put you here. knowing your past is an effort to see if anyone can survive in an area that is known for having extremely high levels of tangible activity. They also knew that if you were to die, they wouldn't have to worry about people looking for you. However, I also think that you probably far surpassed their expectations.

1:53:56The higher-ups haven't actually told me so, but they can't possibly expect anyone to kill a Keylord on their own or have fun with a creature like a flesh gate.

1:54:10okay I know flesh gates are creatures that exist in other stories I get all that but I don't think we've ever heard a flesh gate mentioned in passing in another story besides the flesh gate story right I don't think so man there it is there's another one oh my gosh you know either so i was laughing midway through that because yeah morbidly obese guys still sticking with that or or our protagonist is the guy from lee cronin's the mummy yeah there you go and he's doing that mouth open thing the whole time it's a slack shot look holy shit that was a lot to take in i took a deep breath and cautiously asked what the fuck is a flush gate mark put both of his hands on his head and let out uh seriously dude does anything even phase you flesh gates are those things you call pales they are only for they're only level four but still so much more people but so much for most people to handle let alone fuck with on a regular basis like you claim to do the story is literally mark walberg telling the protagonist how cool he is yeah there goes that level thing again but i had seen levels ranging from twos and threes all the way up into the hundreds on the reports that i read while browsing mark's computer but i had no clue what they meant what the hell is this level shit about all the monsters in a computer have one but i don't have but i don't know what they mean i wonder if it's i I wonder if it's a level of severity of danger, dumbass.

1:55:53It's not that hard to understand. It's very clearly going to be like an SCP kind of thing. Like instead of anomalies, they're visibles or whatever he said. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be an SCP thing. And then Mark Wahlberg is going to explain it to us. Mark shot me an angry look. Guess he was still mad that I had gone through his shit. We base a beast's strength on how many unnamed adult men we could predict they could take down before being overwhelmed. one man equals level one man is equal to one level that is so stupid alright we've calculated that it's 107 men it could kill 107 men to take one down bro we're like oh it's gonna be a leveling system like danger and stuff it was far stupider than we could have imagined yeah that was I cannot believe it's a level based off how many single men it would take to take down the creature I mean how what kind of fucking metric system that's the dumbest metric system that's like that might be one of the dumbest things that's ever been like written on this body yeah yeah well after the like the organization that employs me as a monster hunter is changing your past or whatever i feel like that's that's pretty rough too isolated a lot that's happening right now uh it's funny when the story started we were like oh well here's that why this is a problem here's why this was a problem but now the whole thing is just i just i'm giving up i just want to get just fucking get me out of this hell don't worry we're only halfway just then remembered that the level besides the keylet was 107 so hold up you tell me that the killer i killed was rated at before i could finish he interrupted me 100 and fucking seven no way i knew about the mind baking stuff but that thing was no larger than a golden retriever no way in hell it could kill 107 people yo people predict that a dog that dog thing could kill 107 people no dumbass they predict it could kill 106 then lose at 107th i had trouble believing him look mark i read about that i read about how they cook your brain when you look at them but i started the thing in the i started the thing in the eyes that had no effect on me why this puzzled him i really don't know and that's why i didn't believe it when i first heard that some dude claimed that he had that he had shot keel at that they had shot a keel at to death on reddit what really confused me is why the higher-ups decided it was worth getting a team to go investigate now i know they're fully aware of the caliber of shit that happens here speaking of caliber can i see the gun that you used to on the keylet here we go we're going to talk about the 45 again just just wait uh it's also funnier if you imagine this is again his hysteria around his police interrogation or like wow you sure do seem to know what you're doing and he's like mock wall book thinks i'm pretty cool damn it i knew this was going to happen as soon as i mentioned the gun in my post the organization had a no gun rule for me which is why it was a pretty big deal that the lady in the tree had helped me get my hands on one but now they knew and they weren't gonna let me keep it fuck off dude i'm keeping the gun whether your bosses want me to or not to my surprise mark looked genuinely confused by my sudden response i want to take if i don't want to take your fucking gun i just want to see it a normal pistol no more pistol shouldn't be able to kill or kill it with one shot no matter how perfect the aim is i need to see what makes this gun different and bring the bullets too they are what i'm really interested in you really didn't know about the rule I had been given about no guns.

1:59:33Weird. I reluctantly went into my room and retrieved my trusty.45 caliber thunder stick and the only box of ammo I had left. I started off with two large boxes of bullets, but over time my supply was whittled down to just half a box. As soon as I dropped the weapon, the ammo onto the coffee table, Mark immediately started inspecting one of my bullets. Know what? Do you even know what these are, Cole? uh 45 caliber without looking up from the bullet mark began to explain these are gnat rounds especially designed to deal with unholy creatures of chaos they're created when the metals used to make the bullets are blessed by native american shamans and medicine men you can tell what they are by the slight warmth they give off with the small vibrations you can feel when you squeeze them between your fingers however these are the most active rounds i've ever come in contact with they're they're much warmer and vibrate much more than rounds that i'm than i'm issued if that lady in the tree gave you these she's likely more powerful than you realize

2:00:39mark looked up maybe expecting some type of odd this revelation well that's neat i responded somewhat dumbfounded i guess it was cool to have enchanted bullets and all but it didn't change much in the grand scheme of things kind of like how your car speedometer goes up to 120 miles per hour most people will never drive that fast but it's cool to know that when the time comes you might be able to then again i guess the magic bullets came in handy when i shot the keylet as well as a few other things so maybe i should be more grateful before mark could scold me again for my lack of reaction to his astounding observations we are interrupted by a knocking on the door we look over to see one of the three guys mark had been working with when he first arrived through the window in my door we could see him frantically beating on the wood and looking over his shoulder oh he just docked the van holy shit jack is dead don't help me carry him please is that an indian accent i'm just switching it up i don't know i think that's perfect i think that's excellent i think that you got a divine inspiration there and you should leave that.

2:01:50Mark started to jump up and caught himself. Cole, this thing is good. It almost got me a second time. Shit, it almost got me with the fucking help with the technique as well. He started to smile. At least Mark wasn't a complete dumbass. I watched again as he began that stupid grin he always did when he got figured out and he darted off. Not much has happened over the past few days and I'm starting to get used to my new roommate. I'll still keep y 'all posted though. something wild is bound to happen sooner or later especially with all the patrols Mark keeps making us go on Cole signing off for now Part 6 Man just This still has to either end in suicide or I would also settle for a gay sex scene I would also settle for Mark and Cole having gay sex Cole are you sure we should be doing this I don't see why that's Mark Mark Wahlberg Cole are you sure we should be doing this I like the idea suck my dick Mark Wahlberg and eat my ass do you have a butthole or any other genitalia yeah Cole goes down I see you have an asshole and cocking balls yeah that's pretty much what I got Cole

2:03:11i mean how perfect we do the lone survivor thing and then the super operator's name is mark like uh maybe this story isn't a curse but a gift a deliverance oh all right part six well last post i said something wild was bound to happen sooner or later i wasn't disappointed mark has been living here for about a week now and he finally got what he was looking for action it wasn't really in his favor though i mentioned the patrols he keeps taking me on last post but i didn't really go into detail he calls them patrols but it's honestly more of a scavenger hunt he even gets me a damn list like a little kid or something on the list were specific signs and objects that are indicative of tangible activity tangible's fancy talk for monsters i asked him what an intangible was as a joke and he nonchalantly said ghost and other shit that you can't touch after i realized you were serious i popped the question why that just ain't bosses and ghosted shit he thought for a moment because the people who named this stuff are nerds i'm off on a tangent again back to the scavenger hunt the list he gave me had a lot of stuff on it and as i was walking through the woods for the second time that day one thing on the list kept catching my eye stairs brother oh Oh my God.

2:04:30Is it actually gonna do stairs in the woods? It is. It is. This was right after they were big. This is a couple of years after they were big, dude. I'm getting a who's who'd right now by all of the references flying at me. Oh, why would stairs even be on the list? That's not paranormal at all. Also, if there had been stairs in these woods, I would have already found them. That's not something you miss. I mean, I thought this whole search around for stuff idea was stupid from the beginning anyways. I never searched for the hell spot on this property. It always found me all by itself. The only reason I even participated in Mark's patrols were to humor him so he wouldn't be as crabby.

2:05:11And because I like to get outside anyways. Even so, stairs? I was looking at the list, eyeing down the word stairs for the millionth time when it suddenly got dark. Confused, I looked up to see that it hasn't actually gotten dark. I was just in a shadow. A shadow that was being cast by a tall, skinny wooden wall. I had been to this exact spot a few days earlier. There had been no such object. The wall was about five feet wide and ten feet tall, and I somehow almost walked directly into it without realizing. I began to walk around it and quickly realized it wasn't a wall. Yep, you probably already guessed, but it was the back of a flight of stairs.

2:05:49I was honestly shook. It was like I had summoned them after thinking about them too much. I immediately called Mark on the radio. He had given me for situations like this and yelled, Dude, I actually found stairs like real freaking stairs out here. I hadn't been this exited about something for a long time. Why does he always spell it wrong? He never puts C's in front of the X. And I had no idea why I was exited now. I think it had something to do with me thinking the stairs were such a stupid thing to look for only to end up finding some when I never expected to. Either way, I barely heard Mark respond with, Okay, just stay put for a minute.

2:06:29I'll be there soon. And please stop screaming. You're scaring away all the things out here. He said something else, but I wasn't listening. I was far too engrossed in these stairs. I had to go up them. It wasn't like they were calling to me or anything. It was more of the fact I was pretty sure I would be able to see my house from the top. So as Mark still saying unintelligible commands on the radio, I began to ascend. As I walked up the stairs, the woods around me started to quiet down, which is weird in retrospect, but I really didn't pay any attention to that. Another thing I noticed, there wasn't any leaves or dirt or anything on the steps.

2:07:05Anyone who has experience in the woods knows that it only takes a few hours for Mother Nature to spread her shit all over any given object that is left in her care. The real anomaly happened when I hit the top step, though. See, the second my heel hit the top step, I heard Mark let out a... What in the son of a bitch? ...froze. I started weighing my options. If I let whatever was out there kill Mark, I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. Also, I told myself I wasn't going to kill people anymore. Or does it really count as killing him if I just let him die, though? They'd probably just replace him anyways.

2:07:38Guess I'll go help. With that thought, I want to go help him. I like how it's like there was like a little camaraderie between them. Now it's like, I guess I shouldn't let him die. I'm just such a cold-blooded killer. It doesn't really mean anything to me. My heart's far too scarred to feel love again. Honestly expected there to be a pail claimed onto his foot or for him to have fallen into one of Camo's traps, but alas, all I found was Mark, without shoes on, just socks, clenching the toes of each of his feet in his hands. Before I could even ask him what was going on, he stuttered. You went on the damn stairs, didn't you?

2:08:19Yes. And why does that matter? I'm telling you, if looks could castrate. Bad shit happens when you go up the stairs, you dick. I told you over the radio not to go up him. ah must have missed that part what happened to you anyways it's uh it's egregious how much that's just like line for line taken from the search and rescue story yep like that's that's literally the you went up the stairs didn't you i told you never to go up them it's it's just the same plot elements from that story and this part's kind of nasty mark let go of the end of one of his socks to reveal that the toe area was covered in blood he then removes the sock and i shit you not all of his toenails were gone damn how'd you manage that are you daft cole you did this when you went up the stairs yeah sounds stupid i know but i kind of believed him because i know for a fact that those stairs weren't normal i'm certain of this because when i went back to where they were to show mark who was limping something awful they weren't there anymore just disappeared mark wasn't surprised by this either and in case you were wondering i could not see my house from the top which was a bummer that's about it for the stairs but something else did happen yesterday the day after the stair incident actually meant a brand new monster at least new to me anyway i think mark knew what it was but he wouldn't tell me i gave it gave him spooks though as you may have already gathered it happened on one of mark's patrols he was actually adjusting to life without toenails pretty good i'll give him that the night before he took a large amount of bandages and some rubbing alcohol for my bathroom.

2:09:55Guess he did a good job on him because he was walking pretty close to normal now. I did hear a lot of groaning and heavy breathing that night in my living room, though. I hope it was him patching himself up and not him having fun on his laptop, if you know what I'm saying. Oh, I found you jacking off. Anyways, we were walking through an area of the woods that stayed somewhat dark during the day due to the dense tree cover blocking out most of the sun. Other than the lack of light, everything seemed pretty docile. That was until Mark started complaining about a noise. Cole, do you hear that? I think it's static or something.

2:10:30What? No, I don't hear that. Mark put a hand on my chest, stopping me mid-sentence. Look over just to him to see what's up, and he is staring at me with extremely wide eyes. We need to get to the house now. I never seen him get this flustered, so I knew things were serious. I nodded, and we both turned to run to the house, but the tall man was already blocking the way. Hold on. Tall man's, I mean, obviously slender man, but wasn't the one story about turn it off. Wasn't that creature called the tall man? Yeah. Let's see. There was definitely something that had like the tall man to be fair though.

2:11:04That's a pretty common thing. So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if they're referencing something specific or not. Yeah. Now when I say tall man, I mean really tall man. I'm also fairly certain he wasn't a man. Tall man just makes a good name. He was between 10 and 12 feet tall and was wearing clothes made out of what looked like dirty, brown, and tan rags stitched together. These rags covered his whole body, including his hands, feet, and face. He was also thin, but something deep in my gut told me that he held some kind of unnatural strength. As his image sank into my brain, I heard Mark whisper, Holy shit, it's really one of them.

2:11:41There was complete silence for a while, not actually sure how long. The only thing that I could hear was a slight static buzzing sound. No one moved in the silence. Not Mark, not me, not the pail that was about to bite into Mark's leg while he was distracted. Holy shit, Mark, look out, pail on your right! With surprising speed, Mark pulled out his Glock and put two shots in the pail's head. He didn't move after that, but the tall man did. A sudden scuffle seemed to set the tall bastard off into a rage, and the one subtle static sound grew into a roar. Oh, there's a static sound? It's Slenderman.

2:12:15when slender gets near there's like static remember so this is literally we have now added slender man to the compendium wouldn't he be in a suit though or do you think the author's like well if i put him in a suit it's too obvious well the author's like he's going to remove one detail and instead of stitches yeah yeah but he still has the static and he's still tall and i'm sure in a second it's going to say he doesn't have a face or something it was like no sound i ever heard before but maybe something like the sound of metal being ground up by other metal however the sound was the least of our worries it started spreading at us it was originally about 30 yards away but it seemed to cover the distance in the blink of an eye he was honest before we could react he went for mark first reach out for him with one of those long skinny arms his fingers seemed to stretch out just so that they could reach all the way around mark's torso as mark was lifted off the ground kicking and yelling he emptied the rest of his clip into the tall man's head it did nothing that's about the time when the big black tentacles yep slender man the big black tentacles ruptured out from the creature's back six new weapons now ripping holes in the rags this thing must be terrible at making its own cloths like how hard would it be just to make tentacle holes so you don't end up ripping your shirts anyhow i really didn't want this big fellow ripping up mark so i had to figure something out before it managed to obliterate old Marky.

2:13:38I drew it's literally calling him Marky like Marky Marky Marky. Yeah. I drew my gun and emptied my own clip into various parts of the monster in an effort to find a weak spot. No luck. In fact, the bullets bounced off him. One of them whizzed right past my ear. It was like under those rags. He was made of steel, but I'm no quitter. I now had his attention and I'm pretty sure Mark was going unconscious at this point because he couldn't breathe due to the thing's death grip i drew my brand new bear grill survival knife with all my strength at its leg but i didn't stab it bullets couldn't get through this thing's skin my knife didn't have a chance but i had a plan i got behind it only to get snatched into the air by one of its tentacles i was immediately faced to rags with this thing its tentacle was wrapped tightly around my stomach and now had Mark and I both exactly where it wanted.

2:14:32I swear I could hear a deep demonic laughter within the still roaring static that filled my brain, but I stopped laughing when I started. I began to scream laughing, not really sure why. Sometimes I think I might actually be insane. The tall man cocked his head to the side as if saying, You do know you lost, right? The only thing I was able to say before the last admirer was squeezed out of me was, I really hope this fucking works. With that, I took the knife that was still in my hand and sliced it at the tentacle as hard as I could. My hope is that since the tentacle can move so fluidly, the skin would have to be softer and weaker.

2:15:09Otherwise, it would be stiff and not flexible. Oh, how right that theory was. I was met with a spray of hot black liquid and the static sound morphing into the sound of nails on a chalkboard. I fell seven or eight feet to the ground and it created a small crater in the earth. the crater lights seven or eight feet to the ground and laid it flat on my back that shit hurt but adrenaline's a hell of a chemical so i was back on my feet almost immediately two things i noticed off the bat it was still holding a now unconscious mark and my attack hadn't quite managed to slice through the entire tentacle but it was close the thing seemed to be deciding on whether to retreat or try to kill me again i took advantage of this slight hesitation and left at the now limp tentacle.

2:15:51I grabbed it and yanked with all the force I could muster. Now it completely severed itself from the beast. Suddenly all the sounds of my head stopped and I heard Mark hit the ground to my right. I look up only to see the tall man's covered head aimed at its now disconnected appendage. Then at me. Then at the woods behind him. Then at me. Then at his tentacle. Something tells me he's never been injured before. After he finished looking at stuff he bolted backwards just as fast as he had approached us before yes he sprinted off backwards what is with monsters and running backwards seems silly to me and dangerous anyways i ended up having to carry old mark over my shoulder back to the house and he could stand to lose a few pounds he woke up a few hours later and that coming from cole's great yeah no shit he could lose a few pounds he woke woke up a few hours later and interrogated me on how I managed to scare the thing off after he passed out.

2:16:47I told him I just ripped off my clothes and started running at the thing until it ran off. Mark said he won't let me see the things file until I tell him what really happened, but I wanted to sell the naked story. Maybe I'll tell him what really happened later and let you know what the real name of the creature is. Or maybe I'll try to convince Mark that while he's a monster hunter i'm a monster predator there's our there's our pedophile there's our indestructible pedophile it's cold the whole time that's it for now though guys i'll post again soon in case you were wondering i haven't seen skinny in a few days still haven't heard from the lady in the tree in a while life goes on right i'm sure to check out the other parts of the series i'll have links below until next time cole signing off part seven part seven the comments are so funny on these So in your past life, you killed someone.

2:17:41Also, you know what the thing is? I'll say this part seven. Part seven of nine we're coming up on. I'll say this as like a person who is like eight years ago when towards maybe not necessarily the giant peak, but there was a lot of stuff like big stories still coming out around that time. an idea of a guy making a short story of like an scp style thing of a guy living in the woods where all these popular creepypastas live as if they're real could have been interesting in the way that like uh like i like now i'm picturing the idea of a cabin in the woods movie where it's like an organization that is set up to perform a task i think i think it's interesting the merit is there but i think just the way that it's approached is just it's too cheese and camp and also it gets it gets us there too late like that just happened to humor i don't also see the i don't know why you should hide the fact that it's like oh by the way like i'm slowly going to reveal that these are all creepypastas that people have read i don't you can just start with that and the guy is in like the character is like it's going to be a monster i'm trying to figure out what story cole is from because i feel like that's going to be the big like oh he's this character I think is what we're leading to yeah well yeah I imagine he's going to be a monster something like that what I mean is but I'm wondering what story it's from you know I feel like that's the reveal but I can't tell I don't think it's going to be a direct I think the author is just trying to come up with stuff to put in his story so he's like slender man and stairs in the woods sure I don't think he'll be like and this is Jeff our protagonist and Cole is Jeff the killer Cole the killer now you know all right part seven so mark got possessed it was a new experience for me honestly also i think we're going to deal with skinny soon he destroyed a vein the other day that was carrying supplies out to us i'll get to that later though i actually learned a lot from the spirit that possessed mark before it left and yes it left it didn't have i didn't have to banish it or anything let me just tell the story before i end up spoiling something the day after the tallman incident for part six for more information Mark started acting funny, but in a good way, in my opinion.

2:19:50He was much less commanding and hostile. Like, he had no energy. This meant he didn't want to keep checking around the property for monsters constantly, and I was able to do what I wanted again without him complaining. When I noticed a change in his behavior, I thought of two reasons that could be causing Mark to act this way. One, he was sick. Two, he was being a little scaredy prick after almost being killed by the tall man turns out i was wrong on both accounts after two days of mark being reserved and borderline unresponsive on my couch i knew something was up as much as i don't want to admit it mark's a badass in his own right he isn't the kind of person to crumble after a traumatic event he's a fighter i was aware of his unnaturally aggressive fight of man just thinking about him getting mad about stolen valor earlier so funny i was aware of his unnaturally aggressive fight over flight response when he first encountered skinny and almost rushed certain death just to show skinny that he wasn't here to play games on top of that he didn't show any real signs of sickness he was tired and slow to respond yes but he wasn't sensitive to light like a concussion he wasn't hot or cold no running nose no trouble breathing etc it was on the third day of this strange behavior yesterday when I confronted him and got an answer.

2:21:07So, Mark, any idea why you're so tired and lazy and shit? Just as I finished asking this, Mark shot up to a sitting position on the couch and whipped his head around to face me. In a voice much higher than his regular voice, he exclaimed, I thought you would never ask. I finally finished taking over this body a few hours ago and I was waiting for the right moment to reveal myself. You see, Mark is on vacation right now and I'm taking his place. Oh, nice. When will he be back? That voice coming from Mark Wahlberg's awesome. His wide smile quickly found itself upside down. You know what, Cole? This is why I really hate you.

2:21:45You are literally no fun whatsoever. Well, if you aren't Mark, then I don't know who you are. And you, then I don't know you. And how would you know that I'm not fun? Don't you know it's wrong to judge a book by its cover? Mark's, no. The replacement Mark's voice was starting to sound irritated. I'm a ghost, dipshit. I've been here for months trying to fuck with you. I haven't tried to possess you. But unfortunately for me, you're incompatible. No matter how hard I tried to get your attention to scare you, I was always mad with you brushing it off. I worked hard too. Like that time I moved the TV while you were watching.

2:22:25Or the time I put holes in all your socks to make your big toe pop out. I was finally starting to catch on to what was happening at this point. Oh, I thought the TV was just the... Holy shit, you're the one who put the holes in my socks? You piece of cock meat. You made me think I had sandpaper toe. At least that one worked. Anyways, you probably already knew being a ghost had its limits. It's extremely difficult to have any effect on the physical world, and we can affect living tissue in any kind of direct way whatsoever. But now that I have a vessel, I can finally kill you. I just want you to know right now that, like, legitimately...

2:23:08It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter. Let it out, buddy. It's all right. It's all right. No, go. No, it's all good. I don't want to continue until you say that. I'll leave the show right now. I'm totally fine. no tell me don't do that don't do like they've got to say something no no it's nothing i'm just gonna complain it's nothing that's what i want i want to hear you complain i know you do it i don't want to do it hearing you this upset right now is like this is what's getting this is what's keeping me alive through this i just i'm just gonna be saying the same thing it's just it's it's fucking terrible i don't i hate this stupid fucking shit i'm driving it's driving me insane and I'm sure the viewers I'm sure the listeners don't want to hear but I'm like I'm I fucking hate this hey as as the voice of the listeners you said earlier we want to hear it we were here that look yeah the story's awful I get it maybe when I was 11 I would have thought it was like funny or kind of cool but never scary obviously right um I'm too old for this and it's exited and stuff like that.

2:24:18I get it. But, but the fact that I can hear you doing the Mickey Mouse voice through Mark Wahlberg's body and at the back of it, I can hear the insane level of contempt you have for this story. It's doing something for me. So are there traumatic readings of this on YouTube? Oh, probably. Oh, there is. That's awesome. You can hear people with scary music. I guess that's what this will be. but at least we break it up with commentary but you can hear people do straight read-throughs of this very dramatically that's awesome well shit that escalated quickly as i process the new information that i have just received fake mark speaks up again one thing i bet you didn't know is that a ghost when i take over a body i can't see all good all host memories but the body still retains any natural reflexes and skills the host has required through his own or through his for her lifetime and this guy has some seriously badass skills fake mark then sprang to his feet into the roundhouse kick that shattered a nearby lamp to a million pieces then turned to my wall punched as hard as he could i'm pretty sure he expected to punch right through but only ended up leaving some bloody knuckle prints yeah there's a stud there i said as fake mark doubled over holding his damaged hand i don't realize that thank you he wheezed out before standing back up with standing back up straight again.

2:25:43Even so, this guy is plenty skilled enough to injure your sorry ass. Fake Mark shot up with a grin. You must have been out the first night he got here, but okay. He cocked his head a little after this comment and quickly brushed it off and lunged at me. So my prediction for this is he was, the writer was thinking of how cool Mark Wahlberg is, but of course how much cooler his main character is, right? But they're friends, so he needed a way for them to fight. So he's like, oh, if a ghost possesses Mark, then they can fight and I can show off how good of a fighter Cole is. I think. Yeah. I'll try to explain what happened next best I can.

2:26:22As he rushed me, he threw a right handed jab at my head. I countered this by hooking my arm over the inside of his shoulder with my left arm as I ducked the punch and put my right arm between his legs so I could lift him off the ground. I did. I then did a fireman throw. This is a horror story, by the way. I then did a fireman throw, which basically means that I tossed him into the air and subsequently slammed it back onto the ground by exploding back up to a standing position and releasing my hold on his leg while skill keeping a strong grip on his shoulder. This made Mark fly over my head and still slam into the ground on my feet.

2:26:58I wanted to explain how this happened. So people don't accuse me of bullshitting and for the record, I don't think this could have worked on real mock. I'm sure he would have seen it coming. Anyways, this should have knocked the breath out of him. So I wasn't ready when he punched the back of my knee and dead liked me. So perfectly, I went straight to my ass. Middle school me would have just taken notes on perfect execution of this move. Fake Mark ended up getting back to his feet before me, unfortunately, and jumped onto me, putting me flat on my back. fake mark then reeled his fist back for a final blow as his fist flew towards my face i managed to move my head to the side at the last second and his first connected with the hardwood floor at a respectable speed he may have been able to recover from this quickly if it hadn't been the same hand that he had already smashed on the wall a few moments before as fake mark winced at the pain i threw my leg in the air and proceeded to connect with his no no square no no square hunter no no square it was more effective than the slam from earlier that's for sure i stood up slowly while fake mark tried to decide if he should use his remaining good hand to grab his crotch or shattered knuckles before he could decide i grabbed his glock that was sitting on the coffee table and took aim didn't take fake mark long to look up and realize that i now has a completely control of the situation he stood up but didn't make any further advance at me he instead opted to put out a pouty face and plop down into my recliner and defeat then it hit me why are you afraid of dying that isn't even your body you can't die again can you fake mark snapped back in a still somewhat aggressive tone if this body dies while i'm in it i get sent back and i don't think i'll be able to escape again if that happens why are people always so vague when i ask the question escape from where that's important detail i fully expected fake marches not back again but But all he did was look me in the eyes and mumble.

2:29:03Hell. The absolute tear on his face seemed genuine. And usually I try to stay respectful and patient when someone's in my emotional state like that. Fortunately for Fake Mark, he wasn't a person. He was a ghost that was possessing my acquaintance. And I don't really appreciate that very much. So I continued with my questioning. How'd you escape hell the first time? Fake Mark was surprisingly cooperative now. I found a gateway, walked through it, ended up on this land. I think there's some sort of portal to hell around here. It seems like that's mostly ancient creatures that come out through instead of regular spirits.

2:29:40What do I think I can figure is they can banish the hell when I let back out of these locations. This is great for me. You being forced to read this dialogue. That's awesome. Damn, I was expecting a badass story about a battle with the devil. Not an actual plausible cause for all the crazy shit going on here. I also love that even this story couldn't resist giving an explanation to everything. It gives an explanation about everything besides the character itself, which is so fun. Well, you seem to know you shit. Why do I get that idea that you know more about hell than bosses than the average lost soul?

2:30:18I was a preacher in life. Then why were you in hell? Because I studied the occult in my spare time and skipped out of the donation bowl. Ah, that makes sense. Guess God is cheeky like that. But what makes you think all the weirdos in those woods come from Portland Hell? I was a preacher. That's how I know where the Hell Portals are. Fake Mark then started speaking in a more relaxed and confident manner. Not all the beasts down here come from Portal. Actually, most of them don't just suffer particularly nasty ones. You met the one the other day I think you called him the told man He's a recent immigrant I think I got pissed He's based on my side of group He was the one average once But you already knew the most powerful ones Don't you?

2:31:19It's like Carl Weezer But he's so mad He's about to He's about to explode Jimmy, I think I'm going to fucking kill myself. Jimmy, I want you to make me a scientific machine that fucking puts a bullet in my head. Girl, that's just a gun. Nah, Jimmy, I'm too afraid to do it myself. You're going to have to fucking kill me somehow with your vision. Girl, be a man and just shoot yourself in the head. Girl, flight brain blast.

2:31:58Brain blast. Be a man and brain blast, Carl. Yeah. Be a man and brain blast all over my ceiling, Carl. Jimmy, I'm afraid to brain blast. I might want to die, but I'm afraid to do it, Jimmy. Carl, my mom wants you to do it. Carl, if you want to have sex with my mom, you're going to have to brain blast. You'll have to do it in Valhalla, Carl Yeah Sit at the table with Vikings, Carl Jimmy, I think if I kill myself In your living room, I'm not going to go to Valhalla I think if I kill myself in your living room I don't think that counts I don't think that makes me a Viking, Jimmy I don't think that makes me a warrior, Jimmy Carl, it does It makes you a warrior Kill yourself

2:32:55I like how they give the hell explanation But they clarify it's not a real explanation Just some of the time It's so nonsensical and stupid I'm not even going to acknowledge it At this fake Mark started grinning He was right I knew exactly who he was talking about It's that Chuck Hulu guy The chosen worship isn't it? Fake Mark's grin transformed into a grimace Holy hell, Cole, I seriously fucking despise you It's that thing you call Skinny Cthulhu is a cosmic entity from another plane of existence Separate from hell Skinny, on the other hand, is an absolute product of hell So he's a demon then No, not a demon, but an amalgamation To at least a few other creatures I'm pretty sure Lucifer granted himself If I had to guess Lucy trying to take over the mortal plane Is throwing some creatures out here To test the waters before it's dissolved Shit, that isn't good.

2:33:52I might be on his bad side since I keep moving skinny. Although, also, do you know what skinny is? No, but I do know what he does to see in here. No, but I do know that he doesn't seem to be able to enter a home without being invited in. And when he takes the appearance of something, whether it's a super wrestler or a baby rabbit, he maintains the same weight strength as a regular form. And I, and how do you know he stays the same weight? Because I once saw him spying on you as a squirrel, only to snap back to the giant branch he was perched on under his weight. Then proceeded to sweep the truck on the tree with the little squirrel claws until he fell over out of frustration.

2:34:44Just the level of descriptions get too so absurd. But you going, no. But I do.

2:35:01I want out. I want out. God. I do. No.

2:35:10Jimmy, what do you mean I should bring a gun to school? Carl! It's a 3D printed gun. I used it on my bamboo lamp. I 3D printed all the parts. I'll never know. I don't know, Jimmy. I don't think that's a good idea to bring a gun to school.

2:35:30No! Carl, brain blast! Carl, you got a blast right now. You got to do it for my mom, Carl. You got to do it for my... You got to do it for my mom, Carl! I remembered that tree. I thought it had been attacked by the family of six beavers that lived down by the creek, but I guess I was wrong. Six like a beaver. Six like a beaver.

2:36:08Just the level of like... Slapping my belly. This is a big in the Weston for the audience. Don't want this. I thought that's familiar. He's just like, you're fucking funny six-legged bieber down there. And they probably eat golden chocolate. It was beginning to seem like Fake Mark was a serious asset when it came to knowing about the stuff around here. I'm also curious about what different monsters make up Skinny. If any of you have any ideas, feel free to comment them because I'm pretty clueless as of now. The invitation thing is for vampires, though, isn't it? I don't know. Sounds too cliche to be true.

2:36:48Anything else you want to get off your chest, preacher man? Guess I had it up with that question. Fuck you! I'm a woman! I'm tired of you being so damn clueless, you fucking pig! What? I didn't know that women preachers were a thing. Again, poor choice of words, Cole. That's it! I'm leaving! We were practically screaming at each other at this point, which in hindsight was really unnecessary. Okay, to be fair, you don't look or sound like a girl in Mark's body. And all I ask is that you answer one more question. Fine! I had been wondering about this since the beginning of the conversation, so I was ecstatic to get one more chance to ask.

2:37:33You said I was incompatible for you to possess me. Why is that? at this fake mark took on a serious expression it means that you are either a descendant of some saint or some godly power favors you or maybe no couldn't be that or with that fake mark seemed to pass out guess it was the spirit leaving the body

2:38:00soon after real mark started to wake up and ask where he was i told him it was a long story but he should probably get some fresh air before i told him but he grabbed my outstretched hand so i couldn't help him up i squeezed while he yelled in pain i calmly told him you owe me a new lamp that's all for mark's possession he actually took the news pretty well i think he's been possessed before or something i kept the part about me being incompatible to myself not really sure why just didn't seem like something i should share at the time things are heating up around here something big is going to happen soon and with that information we got out of the spirit preacher lady it's starting to look like me and mark can't do this on our own i think he called him back up but he won't actually tell me for sure just keeps looking out the windows a lot update again soon cole signing off perfect don't worry hunter so the next part here's here's the length i'm gonna dm it to you buddy dm it to you there's part seven you're you're a bad man you know that but that buddy was fucking devious so that buddy was devious the way you said that there was definitely a snarl of that there you go buddy no no you're talking about friend yeah friend oh all right part eight are you ready you know i hate with all these stories too the long the longer goes by the more they have to like cram into the last couple parts yes yeah they're always a lot longer towards the end yeah part eight you started i'm going to take a pistol quick i'll be right back just just start guys i've got a good bit of explaining to do i've lied to you all on a few occasions now i haven't lied about any of the creatures ghost or people though so don't worry about that but i have lied about how i acquired some of my possessions as you all know by now i did not purchase my 45 caliber handgun it was gifted to me someone indirectly by a good friend.

2:39:47What I've not explicitly stated yet was that I didn't exactly buy my house or property either. I'm sure many of you already figured that out though. What I'm getting at was that I was placed here. Three years ago, I was approached by an organization while I was hiding out in a bar in Mexico. I have no idea how they found me because even though I had been shit-faced for two solid weeks, I know for sure no one in that area even spoke English, so I don't think I could have ratted myself out. I tried to find someone, honestly also the people i was hiding from are not paranormal in any way and that is a story i'm not certain i want to share right now but i may share later on anyways this group approached me and made me an offer again i had been shit-faced for two straight weeks so my memory is spotty for what i can remember they said something about helping me escape the problems i had created with um that group normally i would have immediately suspected that they were the enemy in disguise but again drunk asked me, thought this is the greatest thing that could happen.

2:40:47I mean, they were offering me a free place to stay with a limited amount of monthly allowance to purchase food and whatever else I needed. I just assumed it was government funded. Then again, the government thinks I died 12 years ago. I think none of that matters now, though. See, I pretty much figured out what really happened behind the scenes with some help from Mark. We've been sharing a hospital room for the last week, so we had plenty of time to think. I'll get to how we got here soon. I think this is going to be a long post. So as much as Mark and I can figure, the organization that was offering me witness protection type services was actually a fake front that was run by the monster hunting group that Mark works for.

2:41:24Their goal was to find someone with above average survival skills to see how long a human could last in an area with a highly concentration of screwed up things roaming around. Okay, let me emphasize that the assholes that plan this experiment probably didn't expect me to survive my first encounter, let alone live there for three years. Then when the keylots showed up, they got Geddy. According to Mark, they have never been able to observe a dead keylot before the one that I killed. He sure knows how to make me feel special. That's what Mark and his crew got sent out and old Marky has been with ever since.

2:41:57I think that was four-ish weeks ago. But enough of the theory shit. Let me tell you about the cluster that put me and Mark in the hospital. That ghost preacher bitch that possessed Mark a while back only got about half of her facts right. I found this out when Mark and I decided to go to the home base of the local cult that lives on the back of the property. They call themselves the Chosen. I don't know what they're chosen for, but I know for sure that no one in that ragtag group of dipshits shouldn't be chosen for anything but extermination. They have tried to quote-unquote sacrifice me three different times now.

2:42:31the last attempt they went as far as attempting to try and burn down my house but i caught them in the act and convinced their leader short latino man named hector to not bother me anymore i really didn't want anything to do with them because they're so awkward but mark was certain that they probably have some information about why more deadly creatures seem to be popping up at a higher rate or maybe at least have some knowledge about skinny i try to convince him that i knew more than chosen when it came to skinny but he insisted that i was about as observant as helen keller whoever that is so there we are standing in front of their little shanty town they call the ponderosa it's mostly made up of metal sheds and parts of mobile homes yes parts in people living inside with whole walls missing keep in mind that these people aren't poor almost all the members have nice cars and trucks parked outside their homes a new chevy silverado nice ford mustang many other things I don't know the name off the top of my head.

2:43:30I don't really understand what philosophy leads to them living happily in a shithole like this. To each their own, I guess. We found Hector pretty quickly. He was in the middle of the squalor preaching about something or other. He noticed me and Mark almost immediately due to the fact that neither of us were wearing dark robes like the rest of the cultists. Mark was wearing black combat pants and a great long sleeve shirt that made him look like he meant business. I, on the other hand, was wearing blue jeans and a Twizzler t-shirt. Hector stated somewhat solemnly, I guess we have a guest now. and proceeded to step down off the upside down five gallon bucket.

2:44:06As he approached, Mark whispered just loud enough for me to hear, They're surrounding us. And sure enough, he was right. Looked around to see not only Hector approaching us, but about 60 different cultists approaching us from different directions. They were closing in, and both Mark and I prepared to draw our weapons and defend ourselves when Hector called out, Children, calm down! Don't you see he's got a gun now? Let's please try not to get on his nerves. I could see Mark starts smirking out of the corner of his eye, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that they weren't talking about him.

2:44:39Look, Mr. Hector, right? We were just wondering if you had any idea of where some of the paranormal creatures in this area are coming from. The questions seemed to make Hector uncomfortable. We haven't seen anything like Spiral Rock here, so... Just then, one of the black cultists came busting through the surrounding crowd. Then Bishop Hector, the baby doll spider came back! At this revelation, Hector knew that we knew that he knew what we wanted to know. All he could do was look back and forth from his distraught follower and us. He finally decided to just awkwardly smile at us. As much as Mark wanted to continue questioning, we both noticed that the cultist that came back was missing large chunks of his robe and his flesh.

2:45:18While the man stood there hyperventilating in front of his leader, Mark pointed something out to me. Cole! Cole! He's holding a seven hand! We didn't want anyone to overhear us while all the focus was on Hector trying to console a hysterical man. I responded to Mark's observation with, Look, if this thing is coming, we may have to put the skinny hunt on hold. As much as these people are a nuisance, I don't really want to see a community get slotted. Mark shot a conflicted look at me. I agree, but we aren't prepared for a fight with something like that. While we were talking, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

2:45:53It was Sonya, Hector's second in command. I hadn't seen her since the last time I was in their little neighborhood, and I hadn't really left on a good note. Now she looked deadly serious. Cole, we have all the information you want and some that you probably don't. But before I tell you, we need your help. This thing is going to tear us to shreds, but I have a way to get rid of it. Sonya was the only member of the Chosen that struck me as somewhat smart. I think she was raised into the cult, and that was the only reason she hasn't left. In some twisted way, it's her only family. Before Mark's protest, I answered.

2:46:26We're in. So what do we do? So what do we... I was interrupted before I could finish my sentence by a loud screeching. The sound was beyond unnatural. I could describe it as a young woman screaming in terror, but the tone kept changing instantly, like a shitty autotune from hell. Mark and I looked at each other. Fuck. fuck indeed mark fuck indeed oh man just you reading that it's it's really worth it this is really one of the best stories i hate you i hate you as a person there's nothing else i hate who you are we could have read that would make you say that out loud but you did for me just now that's that's a gift and i should appreciate these gifts as i received them i looked back to ask sonya what she planned on doing but but when I looked in her direction, she was already sprinting off.

2:47:12I really hoped that she was grabbing some sort of secret weapon and not just being a coward. I didn't have time to dwell on these thoughts, though. That's the beast cresting the hill, Mark said as he jerked my attention back to the situation at hand. Sure enough, as I looked through the trees that lead uphill, I could see a mass of tan, white, and dark red charging down the hill. As it got closer, the cultists started running around wildly. Some pulled out spears and knives, but that looked like they were trying to use chopsticks for the first time. There weren't going to be much help. I was starting to make out some details of the things as it approached.

2:47:45The main defining feature of the baby doll spider was that it was in fact made of what looked like baby dolls. Not just dolls, though. Mannequins, cosmetic practice heads. It seemed like all of the different objects were held together by some magic stickiness. I disagree with calling it a spider, too. It had four legs and two arms. It was shaped more like a centaur. Another odd detail was each body part was made up of that specific body part. Where the head should be, there was a massive mannequin doll and other forms of heads that were crammed together. Same role follows for the arms, legs, torso, and so on.

2:48:23Buck, what the hell is that thing? I don't know. Usually if you see a doll or something moving around, that's a possession, but this is something else entirely. The lady you were talking to better have a good idea. The abomination was now closing in and had reached one of the outermost sheds that dotted the Chosen's headquarters and began tearing it to pieces. I don't think guns are going to work on this thing. I bet it doesn't have internal organs that a bullet could damage, and I doubt that it would respond to gnat rounds since it doesn't look Native American. We're going to need to use stuff that will break it.

2:48:57Mark said as he grabbed a spear from a nearby cultist and slung it at least 40 yards to hit the thing on the torso. What the heck? What the fwick? Mark can throw spears now? Even though it was a solid hit, the monster didn't reel back at all. It just looked in our direction, let out another screech before charging at us full tilt. It was at this point that I realized that the beast was not colored red anywhere on its body. All the deep red I had seen was just blood that was caked onto the baby doll centaur. Damn it, doll spider does sound better. As it got closer, Mark yelled, get its attention i got an idea i nodded and pulled out my 45 pistol no the 45 knowing that it wouldn't kill it but i could at least distract it i now realize that i'm actually starting to trust mark with my life something i haven't done in a very long time yeah you missed that when you went to the bathroom hunter you missed the beginning where cole told us that uh he was found by the organization while he was drinking and hiding in Mexico.

2:49:59Like every every like Expendables movie ever. I started hitting center mass as the creature neared the 10 yards from Mark. He now stopped and turned towards me. Mark took advantage of this brief pause and sprinted at the creature. I was confused by this until I saw the round thing in his hand. A grenade. I kept firing and Mark slid under the belly of the beast and plunged his hand in between the parts that made up the creature's torso then continuing his slide out from the other side as he got back to his feet he yelled and dove behind a nearby cadillac all the creature had time to do was start to look over in mark's direction before it was obliterated by a teeth rattling explosion hundreds of body parts rained down everywhere that may have been the most badass thing i've ever seen it's really a good thing that mark started carrying grenades with him everywhere since the tall man incident cheering began erupting from all around the compound but celebration was short-lived as i jogged over to check on mark i noticed that the body parts were still moving not only that but they were all moving towards the same central point the yells of joy started dying as more people began to realize that thing was putting itself back together just as mark started to grab for another grenade concealed somewhere in his body i heard the familiar voice of sonya screaming my name call take this the woman that lived in the tree said you would know what to do with it with that she tossed me what looked like an oversized minnow catching net that didn't make any sense there's no way in hell that this thing would be afraid of a net like the pails were even if it was bigger all my dilds melted away when i caught the net though sonia was right i knew exactly what to do a wave of something came over me when my fingers made contact with the net it was like an absolute certainty of something but i wasn't sure what exactly i was certain of i looked down at the net and realized that where the weights were on a normal minnow net this one had medium-sized rocks one of the rocks were on these rocks were symbols or runes of some sort that i didn't recognize they would have been hard to see on the rocks if they weren't glowing a bright blue color mart looked at me with a stare of confusion and snapped back to reality snap back to reality there it is and commanded get your get your assy gear and use that thing i bolted in the direction like even mark walberg's becoming disinterested i bolted in the direction of the now half-formed doll spider and slung the net over the wriggling mass of body parts nothing happened the body parts kept moving into place and the net didn't seem to phase the thing well shit he did mark say to himself from behind me then it hit me it was like i remembered something i had never even learned before i knew what i was doing the word Raku Lakasha escaped my mouth.

2:52:45Immediately, all of the once-believe runes changed into a deep red and smoke started rising from the net. The beast managed to get one more half of a screech in before it, well, I guess it just kind of stopped existing. While the cheering started to erupt again from the cultist, I immediately approached Sonya. Something she had said when she first approached was hanging heavily on my mind. So, do you mind explain to me why you called her the lady who lived to the trees and not the lady who lives in the trees so with more force than was probably necessary look cole i know you need to know she came to me and explained everything yes it's our fault that some of these beasts exist but the shapeshifter needs to be dealt with now and you're ready to take on that task she came to me hector doesn't even know and she she was certain that it was you who's who'd be able to fix this please just listen the somber tone of the young wounds of his voice told me that my suspicions were true.

2:53:39The lady in the tree hadn't been hiding or avoided me this whole time. And that was really hard to swallow. This was the beginning of a path to a dark place that I hadn't visited in years. I just hope that Mark is willing to come with me. There's more to this story, but this entry is getting too long, so I'm gonna cut it off here and post the rest of this story at a later date. Until then, Cole's signing off. Top comment. Top comment on part 8. this is the most interesting series of anything I have ever read that's why you have to take everything you read online with a little grain of salt dude the good and the bad oh you're saying that guy's trolling you're saying he wasn't earnest no no I'm just saying that like I think people just throw out big things like that oh oh to be yeah yeah yeah to be overly nice yeah yeah alright well in that case last part are you ready for part nine i am ready so where did i leave off you know that's right i just found out the one person on this godforsaken plot of land that i had considered to be on my side before mark showed up is dead that's right folks lady in the tree wasn't mad at me she wasn't ignoring me she had been deceased for almost a year now she's the only one who really provided me with the means to survive over the past three years she gave me a gun with magic bullets she gave me hearing and an ear that had been destroyed she gave me antidotes alcohol i'm pretty sure she even did my laundry once funny i also can't help but think that she had something to do with the fact that the spirit preacher couldn't possess me the most important thing she gave me though was her trust based on the few times she had directly communicated with me through letters she had always alluded to the fact that i was supposed to be the one to help cleanse this land of the supposed darkness like i was the chosen one or some shit whether i'm actually special or not though, she trusted me absolutely and I failed.

2:55:34In her mind, I was battling these monsters and scaring them away from here. I was the hero she had been waiting on, for she couldn't fight the creatures directly due to some sort of oath. In reality, all I've done for the past three years was stick around and get lucky. I've never gone out looking to solve the monster problems around here, even when I set the trap for camo. That was purely selfish in reasoning. I was just annoyed by his constant attempts at trapping me i didn't do it for the greater good of the land looking at my life i've never really done much to serve anyone else but myself even the stuff i did after my dad was killed i wasn't avenging him i was getting revenge for me i don't know why she ever decided that i was the one who would make things right what instincts had told her that i was the man that would finally change something i really wish she had never decided on me in the first place because the fact alone is why i typed this in a hospital bed my throat's hurting and my lip is trembling actually that might be the hospital's food's fault not really sure at this point enough sad monologuing time to get back to what happened sonya had some explaining to do and i fully expected to get every ounce of useful intel from her first question i needed answered was what the hell happened to the lady in the tree sonya what happened to her she looked at the ground it was obvious that she was dreading having to explain this to me.

2:56:55She snuck into what was left of my shelter in the middle of the night after Skinny attacked the Ponderosa. She told me. At this, Mark, who seemed to materialize from nowhere, cut her off. Look, I understand you want to get right to the part where the tree lady died, but first there's some other questions that need answered. Oh my god. Why did Skinny attack in the first place? Do you know where he came from? Do you know how to stop him. I turned to argue with Mark because I was the one who wanted to get to the part where she died, but unfortunately Mark was right. Yeah, as much as I wanted to hear about what became the lady of the tree, we need to start from the beginning.

2:57:32Now, what was it that you were saying some of these monsters popping up were her fault? I guess Mark hadn't heard the part of the previous conversation because now he looked at me with surprise etched into his face. Sonia was even slower to answer this time. Well, um, Cole, it wasn't my fault per se. You know how stubborn and persistent Hector can be, right? I didn't really like where this was going, but I had a pretty good idea. Yeah, I mean, you tried to kill me. What? Six times, I think. Stop thinking, Sonya replied. Nine, but that's not what's important. What's important is that Hector has been trying to summon Cthulhu for years now.

2:58:12This is awesome, man. Just hearing you read Mark Wahlberg's there. This dude's like four foot eight looking up at everyone, but he's like the ultimate operator. Like this is good for me. But in the last year, he's finally starting to having progress, sort of. Mark chimed in. What exactly does progress consist of? Can I get into it? I get Trump. What exactly? What exactly does progress consist of? I got to get five. Well, that. So. What? No. What exactly does? What exactly does progress consist of? what's really funny is when you tried to fuse mark walberg and donald trump it became tony soprano yeah exactly pretty much started by tony pretty much that really is if i think about it if you fuse the mark and trump like voices did you get james gandalfini yeah fuck you carbella oh do you want to tell people the audio message you sent me do i still have that i think i saved that i can't remember i think i saved that hold on please tell me i saved that with no context the other day hunter sent me this audio message we weren't talking about the sopranos no one had mentioned it uh we were talking about a business thing and i said hey what do you think and he replied with this oh wait that's a different one well okay so that was a different voice message he'll do that sometimes but there's there was that one's good too just the screaming um gosh i think i didn't save it rip anyway hunter sent me uh an audio message where he was tony soprano um in relations with christopher and he was moaning and saying, don't tell Carmelo Chrissy over and over.

3:00:06Yeah, I remember that now. Completely approach. I don't know why I saved the one of you screaming, but not that one. It's like that all the time with him. Anyway. The young cultist paused for a moment, deep in thought. Well, that attempts at summoning rituals started working, just not as planned. Thanks for coming through the portals we created. The things weren't what we meant to summon, though. So far, we summoned a 15-foot tall, cloaked tentacle man that had been kidnapping our brothers and sisters on a regular basis until recently, the baby doll monster you both just saw, and spirits that keep creating minor inconveniences like broken plates and shoelaces being stolen from their respective shoes.

3:00:42But the last thing we summoned, and by far the most vicious, was the shapeshifter. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So let me get this straight. You people are responsible for the tall man, the ghost preacher bitch, the baby doll abomination, and skinny? Was there ever a point where you thought, damn, these rituals aren't really helping us, not very much. Maybe we should stop. Sonya shrugged as she looked at me. This is Hector we're talking about. She had a point. Hector doesn't know when to quit. Mark decided to pipe up again. What finally happened to convince you that these rituals were a bad idea?

3:01:16When the shapeshifter killed half of us and then only stopped after saying that he was going to take a nap and come back for the rest of us later. That's a pretty solid reason. I have to consider what she said. So was it during Skinny's nap that the lady in the 20k came to talk to you? Yeah. It was a few hours after the attack. The community was in absolute chaos while Hector tried to calm everyone down. I was in the shed trying to figure out what I absolutely needed to take with me when I fled. That, when I hear a woman whisper, hey, to me, it was her. I merely knew she wasn't one of us because she doesn't wear much in the way of clothes and we are very strict about our dress code here.

3:01:56What she want? This time, Sonya took a deep breath and closed her eyes before answering. She said that she had to save us from the shapeshifter, but she had a message and a few things that she needed to leave with me. After telling me this, she went back outside for a moment, and when she came back, she was carrying three large nets. She explained that the nets were for the man that lived at the hill, you, and that I was to give them to you as soon as possible. She also said that she thought of a way to keep the shapeshifter from attacking anyone again until you had a chance to deal with them." This revelation puzzled me.

3:02:27I knew for a fact that the lady in the tree couldn't directly attack or harm any creatures as part of an oath. Mark stayed silent, deep in thought. I, on the other hand, kept on pressing Sonya for answers. So why the fuck did you tell anyone—why is he telling me any of this sooner? This information would have been hang—would have been hang—oh, I don't know, like a year ago? Sonya flinched as I finished my sentence. honestly Cole I just scared that if you saw me you would kick the shit out of me I guess I can't blame her because you're so tough and awesome I just thought that you'd beat the hell out of me because you're so alpha cool I guess that's not I can't blame you on thinking that sometimes you gotta put a girl in a place you know again she's like six foot he's four eight looking up at her I guess I can't blame her for that one I did kicked the shit out of Hector right in front of her a couple years ago.

3:03:24Okay, okay. Okay, okay. Did she tell you how she planned on doing this?

3:03:58She never got the chance to. besides the Ronald McDonald one. The Native American woman looked at me one last time and said, make sure to tell Cole that he alone can send these beasts back into those nets. Send these beasts back using those nets. He may not know it yet, but he will know what to do when the time comes. The elder spirits will guide and protect him. But that the Indian woman took off towards the shapeshifter, which was now a giant werewolf. As she got closer, she started screaming some words I didn't understand. She also started glowing blue, which was odd. She finally got the shape.

3:04:32Just call him Skinny. It's catchier. Sonya seemed kind of annoyed that I interrupted her, but she continued all the same. She got Skinny's attention when she stopped five feet from him. She was lit up like a blue glow stick at this point. She had stopped chanting at this point, at this point, at this point, at this point, at this point, at this point, at this point, and was just standing in front of Skinny trying to catch her breath when Skinny said, well, aren't you different? I've never killed a glowing one before and proceeded to casually swipe at her and clawed with the clawed hand any woman didn't flinch but the first claw made contact with her and there was a deafening boom accompanied with an explosion of what looked like red mist skinny can vaporize people I blurted now a little more wary of my plans to attack the entity Sonya was quick to set me straight though no no no she did something to herself with those incantations before that before that point all skinny had done was shred people into smaller portions of people mark muttered in response probably some curse that she set on herself as it drops over and attacks it attacked her it would trigger this fire bypass caused direct harm to those creatures in the way skinny cursed herself attacking her all the way as well did anything change about skinny's behavior after the lady in the tree you know what was that under I didn't really hear that what he said that's mark muttering mark slid his thumb across his through in a slicing motion as he finished he glanced over at me with what looked like pity in his eyes yes um what's your name his look of pity quickly turned her look of annoyance ma the expert said with a growl yes mark his behavior did change see after the indian woman disappeared

3:06:28yeah after the indian woman disappeared it only took a few seconds for skater to regain his composure he almost immediately started laughing then said what the hell was that a suicide bomber attempt pathetic however as he lunged to grab yet another one of his sisters he fell to the ground in writhing agony he got up and tried again and again but each time he attempted to attack someone he was met with paralyzing pain so the cusp makes so the cusp makes it so skinny can hurt anyone because six months ago skinny smacked the dog hold on hold on hold on did the woman in the tree become the Native American woman yeah okay she was just a Native American woman this whole time instead of just saying it was a Native American woman he had to say the tree person which is okay so she was oddly offensive she was just a Native American woman yeah could have just literally said it was a Native American woman but he's like it's the tree lady cool i got you okay so the curse makes it so skinny can't hurt anyone because six months ago skinny smacked the dog shit out of me and i almost died not quite see the curse has one catch we found that out with martin cthulhu blessed his soul tried to take advantage of his inability to attack and launched an assault of his own but when his baseball bat made contact with the creature he was immediately struck down by a clawed and oh god isaiah good god good god curse who fucking who if you try to hurt it it can hurt you i guess i slept my palm against my forehead ah that makes sense see he can only attack you attack first that's why he tries to get us pissed at him he made it seem like he was trying to lose outside the disguise the fact that he actually moving down to attack again um i couldn't really pick up that last sentence could you yeah he said he made it see but he was trying to learn how kind of inside the fact that he was out there going to talk to you

3:08:21uh yeah i think i got it that time both fanya and mark looked at me somewhat startled for a moment before mark spoke up call pardon me but i'm honestly only used to you saying stupid shit but I think you actually might be right this time Started to argue but quickly realized he was right Screw you Mark So do I kill A banished skinny by tossing one Of those nets on him and yelling one of my magic words Coming to my head? Wait How the actual fuck did I know the actual magic words To use? Son answered me with Yeah I don't really understand that either but Let's just roll with it I love explaining everything to like such a Ridiculously specific level and then being like, well, not that thing, but okay.

3:09:06Just then I heard Mark say, what the fuck? From right behind me. This was odd since Mark had been standing in front of me for a few minutes now. Oh my God, it was skinny. Sure enough, there was a second Mark behind me. Oh my God, it was skinny. This meant that either Skinny just walked up pretending to be Mark or even worse, he had been talking to us the whole time and now knew everything that we knew. Oh God. Sonia and I both backed away from this. Oh my God. He said, okay. So I did. I both backed away from the barks as they stared at each other in confusion. And then back. Oh, we get the whole, like, I'm the Spider-Man.

3:09:40He's the imposter. The Spider-Man thing. Yeah. The mark on the left yelled. Throw the net on it. Now it's your chance to end him. The other fire's back. No, he's trying to trick you. Throw it on him fast. After a moment, I thought and said, okay, so I think I have a way to figure this out. whichever one of you is the real mark just has to punch the other mark to prove you can attack first both marks shouted but then he'll kill me this on you whispered in my ear damn he's good this is so fucking stupid I feel I'm dumb all this build up and it comes down to like the like I'm the real mark you've known me for weeks but I already had knew what my next move was so yeah give me one of those nets as she handed me one of the nets that was laying on the ground next to her i started walking towards the marks until i was right in front of them a wicked grin spread across my face as i said all right here's a question that the only real mark would know the answer to how did i get the tall man to run away the mark on the left quickly responded uh you cut off a tentacle but couldn't you get any of that i know looked mark on the right to see how planned to respond to the situation that sentence is completely the writer was hit with a shovel while he was dying man i know i know like mark right now have um who our situation back top the the they're like the the grammar's been bad but as the stories have gone on it's gotten worse all he did was squint his eyes at me and sigh then the defeated tone said You took off your clothes and ran out of naked until he fled.

3:11:27Satisfied by his answer, I slung the net over the top of leftmost Mark's head and yelled the new magic words.

3:11:37Not really sure why the magic words that came out of mouth were different from the ones that came out when I got rid of the baby doll monster, but like Sonia said, I guess we just roll with it. As the runes that were carved into the rocks had outlined the net's third glow red and Skinny was swallowed by the smoke, I heard him mutter, yeah fucking way oh and a deep voice then as the smoke that swallowed him was blown away by a breeze he was gone pretty anticlimactic right go fuck yourself go fuck yourself i was honestly kind of hoping for some badass battle where we fought go fuck yourself i gotta stab him with a magic wooden spear that was like a final gift from the lady in the tree or something while saying something really cool but in the end skinny was defeated by an immature inside joke that's it i mean yeah the tall man is still out there somewhere but skinny's done the lady in the tree got her wish that's all i could really hope to accomplish mark was pretty pissed off at me for putting his life on the line and risking sending him to another dimension on the basis of him remembering an inside joke in response to his anger i just told him that i had faith in him and in the end that's all that mattered all he said in return was fuck you i need a beer i don't really think that's uh i don't think that's mark walberg's voice you want to try that again and uh fuck you i need a beer thank you i did i didn't tell him how i had really figured out who was real uh when they both said but then he'll kill me in unison see the new mark that had just he's explaining the thing we just saw the new mark that had just walked up shouldn't have known the rules of the curse since he hadn't been there to hear about them all i could figure is that skinny had probably been listening in disguised as a cult i'm explaining this but disguised as a cultist to decide to enter the conversation and stop us before we came with a plane to kill him i really just wanted mark to believe that i was dumb enough to put his life on the line for something that skinny could have easily heard had he been eavesdropping at the right time serves him right for basically calling me a dumbass earlier after skinny was dealt with mark and i shared an uncomfortable couple of goodbyes with the cultists, most of whom hadn't even noticed what had happened, including Hector, much less appreciated the fact that we just got rid of the single most vile creature that had ever inhabited this land.

3:13:52But I was okay with that. The fact that the lady in the trees killer was gone for good was enough for me. Some of you are probably asking, wait, if that's all happened, then why are you both in the hospital? Well, that actually happened when the headquarters of the monster hunting organization that Mark works for summoned both of us to be interrogated about the events that led to the destruction of skinny uh which with they knew to be an extremely high level threat after all the paperwork and questioning was over with mark offered to take me out for a drink i accepted long story short don't drink and drive kids they even took up our electronics for the first week we were in here claimed it was so they could scan them but i knew it was just punishment for damaging a company armored suv anyways that's pretty much it for now.

3:14:38I'll try to keep posting, but now that Skinny's gone, the land seems a lot more relaxed. Hope you all enjoyed the tale of how I finally killed Skinny. This is Cole signing off.

3:15:02Couldn't Skinny have been revealed by making him punch Cole instead of taking the gamble with Mark triggering the curse? Reply. Do you think Skinny would have killed Mark knowing Cole is right there, hasn't triggered the curse and can kill or banish him while Skinny is attacking? Another reply. That's my point. If Skinny could not attack, then he would have, he would have not been able to punch Cole. However, Mark would be able to revealing Skinny. Reply. Yeah, that's why Cole said it. He already knew who it was when they both stated, then he would kill me knowing the one that just entered the conversation would have no knowledge of the curse unless it was skinny another comment no i'm curious at this point the organization could be delta green or mj12 uh legitimately uh i'm wondering and this is just me comment this is really enjoying this series i hope this actually is like how your mind is different due to your past experiences is this worse than is this worse than happy happy no no no dude you are memory holding happy happy like the level of detail that got to with him talking about the different models of the cars right before the series was over saying i'm gonna call them this from now on and the descriptor there was like half of that story was him talking about how he feels weird because happy happy seems sinister this this story was miserable of course but it was it was by no means boring it was boring in the sense it was badly written but stuff kept happening happy happy was like a penance so no it's not happy happy and it is also like half the length I mean I'm looking at we've been recording for three and a half hours that's insane yeah I feel like a concept of a cute campy thing Like I said, cabin in the woods kind of thing where it's a very short one partner idea of like a guy.

3:16:58Also there's really, there is no explanation of why the guy is there. What this deep traumatizing thing, they never even remotely say what that is.

3:17:10It's just, it just, God, good, good God. At least we got Carl Weezer. We got that. That was nice. That was about it. I think that was the only happy moment in my entire. Oh, I had a lot of happy moments. Anytime you had to read a line, I was having a happy moment, especially the exposition. That was awesome. Well, I legitimately, I don't know what to say. I know people usually like an analysis or something at the end. I mean, I think it's pretty straightforward. I really don't know what to say. I hope that, that, I mean, I don't know what kind of enjoyment. I don't know.

3:17:47I'm flabbergasted. I don't know. What, what, what, what is there to say, Isaiah? Well, how do we end this? oh don't don't worry don't worry i found this hold on i'm gonna send you real quick origin of making the monster origin of mark the monster hunter or origin so it's a prequel it's a prequel from mark's perspective so cole told me that a lot of people that read his stories wanted to know how much no not no let's go ahead let's read it we're already here let's read it okay all right why not so cole told me that a lot of people that read his stories wanted to know how I came into contact with and began working for the organization that I'm currently with.

3:18:24After seeing how much fun Cole had writing these stories about his property, I gotta say I'm tempted to take a crack at writing. His suggestion to write about how I came into contact with the organization made me realize that I was actually a pretty good story. I'm backing out. Unfortunately, due to personal reasons and specific rules given to me by the organization, I will not be given specific locations or names within the boat. I am backing out of this. No, that's it. That's your That's your creep cats this week. Thank you guys so much for watching this week and listening. We appreciate you.

3:18:52Thank you to our patrons for supporting the channel. And hey, if you're listening on audio platforms, we appreciate you so much. Give us a nice rating. We'll see you the next time. Stay creep. Bye. I was a designated combat specialist at the time. Also note that all of our operations were completely off the book, and if they were to come to light, they may have caused controversy. I've been fighting fights that no one even knows about for a long time now. Maybe that's why I suddenly feel the need to share. Anyway.

3:19:19Thank you.

3:19:47mehrere six siete