Smile Dog | CreepCast

27:51ZocDoc.com slash CreepCast. mary e was a sys-off for a small chicago-based bulletin board system in 1992 when she first encountered smile.jpg and her life changed forever smile.jpg my life is forever ruined i should not have opened that compressed image okay sorry she and terrence had been married for only five months mary was one of an estimated 400 people who saw the image when it was posted as hyperlink on the bbs though she is the only one who has spoken openly about the experience the rest have remained anonymous or are perhaps dead in 2005 when i was only in 10th grade smile.jpg was first brought to my attention by my burgeoning interest in web-based phenomena.

28:48Mary was the most often cited victim of what is sometimes referred to as smile.dog. The bean, smile.jpg, is reputed to display. What caught my interest, other than the obvious macabre elements of the cyber legend and my proclivity towards such things, was the sheer lack of information, usually to the point that people don't believe it even exists other than as a rumor hoax. It's unique because, though the entire phenomenon centers on a picture file, the file is nowhere to be found on the internet. Certainly many photo-manipulated simulacra litter the web, showing up with the most frequency on-site, such as the image board 4chan, particularly the X-focused paranormal subboard.

29:31It is suspected these are fakes because they do not have the effect the true Smile.jpg is believed to have, namely sudden onset temporal lobe epilepsy and acute anxiety. what what the fuck is even happening okay so is this a doctor's report what the fuck are we reading okay so it's someone who's like done research tried to track down the true smile dog but whatever this image is this smile dog or smile jpeg smile dot jpeg is the name of the file right that got passed around and that's what he's looking for that's what he's looking for and then this woman was corrupted by she's the only one who's talked about it that he can find that's willing to talk about it.

30:10Right. Yeah. And she has anxiety. So he says the smile dog images are people recreating it from rumors. Okay. But the real image, when you look at it, causes epilepsy, nausea, like an intense mental reaction to it. That's what he's saying. And all the images that float around are just like fakes of the real thing. Right. The purported reaction in the viewer is one of the reasons the phantom-like smile.jpg is regarded with such disdain. Since it is patently absurd, though depending on whom you ask the reluctance to acknowledge Smile.jpg's existence might be just as much out of fear as it is out of disbelief.

30:47Neither Smile.jpg nor Smile.dog is mentioned anywhere on Wikipedia, though the website features articles on such other, perhaps more scandalous shock sites as Hello.jpg or Two Girls One Cup. Any attempt to create a page pertaining to smile.jpg is summarily deleted by any of the encyclopedia's many admins. Encounters of smile.jpg are the stuff of internet legend. Mary E's story is not unique. There are unverified rumors of smile.jpg showing up in the early days of Usenet, and even one persistent tale that in 2002, a hacker flooded the forums of humor and satire websites something awful with a deluge of smile.dog pictures, rendering almost half the forum's users at the time epileptic.

31:32It's also said that in the mid to late 90s that Smile.jpg circulated on Usenet and as an attachment of a chain email with the subject line, Smile, God Loves You. Yet despite the huge exposure these stunts would generate, there are very few people who admit to having experienced any of them. No trace of the file or any link has ever been discovered. Those who claim to have seen Smile.jpg often weakly joke that they were far too busy to save a copy of the picture to their hard drive. However, all alleged victims offered the same description of the photo. A dog-like creature, usually described as appearing similar to a Siberian husky, illuminated by the flash of the camera, sits in a dim room, the only background detail that is visible being a human hand extending from the darkness near the left side of the frame, hands empty, but is usually described as beckoning.

32:24Of course, most attention is given to the dog, or dog creature, as some victims are more certain than others about what they claim to have seen the muzzle of the beast is reputedly split in a wide grin feeling two rows very white very straight very sharp very human looking teeth is that funny honey it's like veneer dog

32:48scary this is of course not a description given immediately after viewing the picture but rather a recollection of the victims, who claim to have seen the picture endlessly repeated in their mind's eye during the time they are, in reality, having epileptic fits. These fits are reported to continue indeterminably, often while the victims asleep, resulting in very vivid and disturbing nightmares. These may be treated with medication, though in some it's more effective than others. Mary E., I assumed, was not on effective medication. That was why after my visit her apartment in 2007 sent out feelers to several folklore and urban legend oriented news groups websites mailing list hoping to find the name of a supposed victim of smile.jpg who felt more interested in talking about his experiences for a time nothing happened and at length i forgot completely about my pursuits since i had begun my freshman year of college and was quite busy mary contacted me via email however near the beginning of march 2008 this is added by Moose Juice to jml at redacted.com from marye at redacted.net Subject, last summer's interview.

34:01Description. Dear Mr. L, I'm incredibly sorry about my behavior last summer when you came to interview me. I hope you understand that it was no fault of yours, but rather my own problems that led me to act out as I did. I realized that I could have handled the situation more decorously. However, I hope you will forgive me At the time I was afraid You see, for 15 years I have been haunted by smile.jpg Smile.dog Comes to me in my sleep every night Did you like that? Did you get a kick out of that one? Every night My father's just peek around the corner like Big goofy ass smile at one point it's just not scary anymore it's a Siberian husky that's smiling at you big fucking chompers I'd just be like close the door I know that sounds silly but it is true there's an effable quality about my dreams my nightmares that makes them completely unlike any real dreams I've ever had I do not move and do not speak I simply look ahead and the only thing ahead of me is the scene from that horrible picture.

35:19I see the beckoning hand and I see Smile.dog. It talks to me. It is not a dog, of course, though I'm not quite sure what it really is. It tells me it will leave me alone if I do it as it asks. All I must do, it says, is Spread the word. That is how it phrases its demands. I know exactly what it means. It wants me to show it to someone else. And I could. The week after my incident, I received the mail, a manila envelope with no return address. Inside was only a three-and-a-half-inch floppy diskette. Without having to check, I knew precisely what was on it. I thought for a long time about my options.

35:59I could show it to a stranger, a co-worker. I could even show it to Terrence. As much as the idea disgusted me. And what would happen then? Well, a smile dot dog kept its word. I could sleep. Yet if it lied, what would I do? And who was to say something worse would not come for me if I did what the creature asked? So, I did nothing for fifteen years. Though I kept the discet hidden amongst many things. Amongst my things. Every night for fifteen years, Smother Dog has come to me in my sleep and demanded that I spread the word. For fifteen years, I have stood strong.

36:42This is serious, huh? Every. Fifteen. Every night for 15 years. Thousands of times. Literally imagine. Also, can you explain to me, not to derail this email, what the fuck does a beckoning hand look like? Is it just this? Yeah, yeah. Like inviting. So you're saying every night he's doing this, he's just like, spread the word. No, no, no. behind smile dog is a beckoning hand off scene spread the word like there's a hand behind smile dog and that's just what he's done every night at what I mean if anything you can admire his tenacity his persistence but if you just don't spread the word I mean there's no repercussions besides him just showing up and being like seriously would you just fucking spread this word already spread the word you're pissing me off yeah and she's been able to sleep every night by the way well it's like you said at some point it's like I don't know how the fuck am I going to do this is life now Okay.

38:13give you the floppy diskette. I did not care if Smile.dog was lying or not. I wanted it to end. You were a stranger, someone I had no connection with, and I thought I would not feel sorrow when you took the diskette as part of your research and sealed your fate. Before you arrived, I realized what I was doing, plotting to ruin your life. I could not stand the thought, and in fact, I still could not. I am ashamed. Mr. Allen, I hope that this warning will dissuade you from further investigation of smile.jpg. You may in time encounter someone who is, if not weaker than I, then wholly more depraved, someone who will not hesitate to follow smile.dog's orders.

38:50Stop while you are still whole. Sincerely, Mary E. Terrence contacted me later that month with the news that his wife had killed herself. Oh no.

39:18That's like a comedic timing beat. Just after all of that. And then pretty much she totally blew her brains out. It's not. She's been doing this for 15 years. And now that's the brain. Well, I've sent the email. Goodbye. I spread the word.

39:44Thanks, Hunter. I'm glad that's funny. It got me good. Okay. While cleaning up the various things she'd left behind, closing email accounts and the like, yapping upon the above message. He was a man in shambles. He wept as he told me to listen to his wife's advice. He found the diskette. he revealed and burned it until it was nothing but a stinking pile of blackened plastic part that most disturbed him however how the diskette had hissed as it melted some sort of animal he said i will admit that i was a little uncertain about how to respond to this at first i thought perhaps it was a joke with the couple belatedly playing with the situation in order to get a rise out of me quick check on several chicago newspapers online obituaries however proved that Mary E.

40:33was indeed dead. There was, of course, no mention of suicide in the article. I decided that, for a time at least, I would not further pursue the subject of Smile.jpg, especially since I had finals coming up at the end of May. The world has odd ways of testing us. Almost a full year after I returned from my disastrous interview with Mary E., I received another email. To jml at redacted.com from elzahir82 at redacted.com. Subject, smile. Hello. I found your email just through a big list. Your profile sent you an interested smile, dog. I've saw it. It is not as bad as everyone says. I've sent it to you here.

41:17Just spread the word. Smiley face. The final line chilled me to the bone. According to my email client, there was one file attached called, naturally, smile.jpg. I considered downloading it for some time. It was most likely a fake, I imagined, and even if it weren't, I was never wholly convinced of smile.jpg's peculiar powers. Mary E's account had shaken me, yes, but she was probably mentally unbalanced anyway. After all, how could a simple image to a smile.jpg was said to accomplish? what sort of creature was it that could break one's mind with only the power of the eye and if such things were patently absurd why did the legend exist at all if i downloaded the image if i looked at it if mary turned out to be correct smile.jpg came to me in my dreams demanding i spread the word what would i do would i live my life as mary had fighting against the urge to give in until i died or would i simply spread the word eager to be put to rest if I chose the latter route how could I do it who would I burden in turn if I went through with my earlier intention to write a short article about smile.jpg I decided I could attach it as evidence and anyone who read the article anyone who took interest would be affected and even assuming smile.jpg attached to the email was genuine would I be capricious enough to save myself in that manner could i spread the word yes yes i could then bottom of the image anywhere any way it appeared online at the very bottom of the image was i thought he a bloody thumbprint with the picture so author starts to track this goes insane and then eventually looks at the photo which compels him to share with the internet the uh i like the idea of at the end of no matter what at the end of the story you get kind of hit by it yeah yeah also this was very well written for earlier.

43:14For what it was. For at the time. Yeah. Very good. And also the context around this. The image is just so stupid. The image is goofing. Also where's the beckoning hand? Off to the left. Look in the bottom left. See the hand reaching up.

43:34Once again those glasses. Oh. I didn't notice that until right now. What the fuck? So does it look like someone's dying? Someone's on the ground to the side, like reaching up. Yeah. So the intention is that Smile Dog's like some entity, like a demon or ghost that has like a shapeshifter almost. It's a dog, but it has human teeth. Like it's a weird in-between thing. And the context for this story is this image had already started floating online, if I remember correctly. Maybe they were around the same time. But people would get email chains that would say spread the word and it would be that picture, right?

44:13It's like, what's that about? But then you see the story attached that it drives people mad. They have to spread. Very much like Ringu. Yes, very similar. Reminds me of Ringu. This is a fun time in the early 2000s where technology, people were finding ways of like sharing media. It's cursed and everything. I did have a couple thoughts though. The veneers made me think of turkey teeth or turkey hair when people go to Turkey to get a hair transplant. or the veneers. What if when you got a hair transplant from Turkey or veneers, you had, what if it was just a Turkish man that was smiling that visited you every night?

44:47And then the thing is, you had to have someone else go to Turkey until he left you alone. Smile.Turkey.

44:59Smile.Turkey. Smile.Turkey or Turkey.JPEG. Also, I want to do an edit here. turkey isn't a file it's not a compression style yeah I do love I do love a file type just being dot turkey it's pretty good would the turkey be t-r-k-y dot turkey so I do want to say about this story I read this when I was in middle school I think yeah 10 I was probably 11 or 12 and I came across it and I remember this story freaked me out because you gotta understand I was a kid I saw the email the picture floating around it's like what's this picture It's like a Bloody Mary kind of thing. Same thing. Yeah. So I thought it'd be cool.

45:41And after I realized the story, I'm like, oh, this is cool. I'm going to send it to my friends. They'll be funny. So I started an email chain where I said, like, spread the word and put the email on. And then the next day at school, every guy was like, that was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Don't you ever. And they immediately just like. No, it's scary. Right, guys? No, it's scary, guys. Honestly, you know my birthday is this weekend where I have a pool party with a water balloon fight and stuff? You're not coming. I remember being like, yeah, I thought it was lame. That's why I shared it.

46:15I said it was a joke. You didn't. I thought it was stupid. The party's awesome. It's ice cream cake. That's really dumb, right? You know some people are scared by that? And it's the water balloons that look like grenades. It's going to be awesome. Oh, those were so cool, dude. Well, you're not coming because of that one email. No, I thought it was scary. I would love to sit there, open it up, look at my subject line. What is this? Whatever. scroll down oh an image okay i'll download it and you know scroll down click the beatles cartoon last episode yeah who's your favorite beetle um ringo he was just the goofiest about stuff like the song maxwell silver hammer all of them hated it when they asked ring goes like i thought it was kind of nice i enjoyed it well me thinks that it was actually kind of a good diddle No, not Ringo.

47:01What was the fourth one? Not Paul or John. George? George. George is the one I'm thinking of, yeah. George is cool. No one likes Ringo the most. Yeah, yeah, George. George was like the one that was just chill all the time. Unsung hero. Yeah. George. The main man. Yeah, what's in that one with the Beatles? Who's your least favorite Beatle? John. John. Of course. Easy. Yep. John. I like the little, the fucking beaver tooth bastard, Paul McCartney quite a bit. Me wants to hold your hand. Me wants to hold your hand. He was a good counter to John, to my understanding, because John was like, no, we've got to, we've got to change the world.

47:44We've got to be different. And then Paul would be like, no, that's a dumb idea. I don't like that idea. You know, the Beatles, it's one of those things when people are like, the Beatles are lame. It's like, it's impossible to not like at least. I mean, it's like, it's like anything else. Like being like, oh, Elvis was, he didn't do anything or like he was lame. It's like, I really liked that one, that new editor that keeps saying the meme where it's like a song you didn't realize Elvis wrote. And it's like, jump off the house, jump off the house. And he goes, well, it's Rick and Morty time. The theme song, have you seen that?

48:19Yeah. It's a good one. There was one night where Caitlin and I were driving home, and I was really tired. And she was just flipping through songs, and that Elvis song came on. I can't even remember what the title of it is. But in the beginning, I heard the music, and I go, is this the song where he says, I'm caught in a trap? And as soon as I got done saying that, he goes, caught in a trap? I can't walk out because I love you too much, baby. So, why can't you see what you're doing to me? And you don't believe what I say. We can go on together with suspicious minds. With suspicious minds. And we can live our dreams with suspicious love.

49:15to my old friend I know. You know what I like to say? We're lost in a cloud with too much rain. We're trapped in a world that's struggled with pain. And as long as a man has the strength to dream, he can redeem his soul and fly.

49:47Go ahead, Fancy. Deep in my heart, there's a trembling fire of women. But I am sure that the answer, answer's going to come somehow. Out there in the dark, there's a beckoning candle. Oh, yeah. And while I can think, while I can talk, while I can stand, while I can walk, while I can dream. So please let my dream come true. Right now. He wrote that because they discontinued Yoo-Hoo. just kidding it was Martin Luther King died that's why I wrote that one probably shouldn't put that in there

50:48the Beatles

50:56I don't even know where I was ok Beatles lost cartoon episode

51:04I don't think I've ever read this one I don't know when it came out that's my understanding is it one of those like OG ones is this an old one Harry I don't know how old it is but I heard it's classic the Beatles cartoon lost episode does not feel like a classic creepypasta to me well it was back when like dead Bart or like Squidward 2 that all seems fine because that's like new rate like dead Squidward I'm like at the time that's people were probably young and obsessed with it'd be like nowadays it'd be like creepypasta about like Hasbun Hotel or some shit. Yeah, yeah. You know? I'm sure that's out there now.

51:42100%. Yeah. But we have to find it. Whatever it's at. All right. Just want to start off by saying that if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be disappointed. There isn't one. I'd like to start this off by affirming that I am a huge Beatles fan as well as being 14 years old. You know, you rarely see that level of honesty. I love, I gotta say, there is a shocking amount of truth in all this. I just want to say, I like the Beatles, like 90 % of the world, I'm also 14. Also, I have no idea what's going on. I have no idea what's happening. You will be disappointed by the end of this. You're going, by the end of this, you are going to be like, that was not worth my time.

52:24Yes, of course. I'm also an avid collector of Beatles stuff. I was even there at their first concert. How old is this person? I don't, 14. teen so no you weren't they have great music and great talent they have their albums t-shirts and other assorted items i haven't enjoyed the old cartoon of the beatles that was made in the 60s but it wasn't long before i found out there was a morbid secret to the cartoon i was at a local collector's shop where they had a section about the beatles i was looking for some beatles mugs and pins bought two beatles mugs and four beatles pins and i was just about to leave the section something caught my eye it was a videotape called the lost beatles cartoon or at least that's what i assumed being what was scribbled on it with what appeared to be black sharpie i really wanted to get it so i told my disjointed mother that i wanted to buy it when we went to purchase the tape the counter worker said i couldn't have it he told me that it's watched it and had nightmares i was surprised he could say that about the tape because it was just the beatles how can a cartoon about a band possibly be that scary that he said never mind you're just gonna have nightmares anyway and gave me the tape what never mind it's too late take it who gives a shit just take it kid you're fucked anyways I like the Beatles mmhmm cool look at these pins I got yeah take it while i was walking away i thought i saw him folding his hands like he was praying for some odd reason i was starting to feel like something was wrong with the tape really when i got home i immediately went downstairs to watch this mysterious video when the tape started to play something weird happened in the beginning do we try to do is there photorealistic blood in the story um does you want to do a little bingo card yes i feel realistic blood hyper realistic eyes hyper realistic eye okay sorry are we calling that i think i'll call those i think and does one of the beatles or do they all kill themselves they're gonna be dead are they already dead or do you think is paul gonna shoot john it's gonna start as a normal one but then they're gonna be like it's gonna cut to their eyes like black or ripped out yeah and then they're gonna be there's gonna sound screaming like they're all screaming then they're gonna be dead yeah yeah and john will be like i don't feel good or something like that yeah i've got blisters on me fingers yeah definitely a scene like that some loud noise effect something like that yeah it was the sounds of someone screaming in complete agony all right well immediately there you go that's another point for me which while that was normal for the beatles cartoon why was that normal for the beatles cartoon hold on people usually screaming anguish at the Beatles cartoon.

55:14This is an actual cartoon, right? I don't know. Okay, hold on. What happened? Okay. Here's how the intro starts.

55:29No one's screaming. We're not into it.

55:38Okay, that's the anguish. okay that's that's gotta be what they're talking about that's kind of a creepy intro a little bit yeah all right i see i see all right i'm tracking sounds of someone screaming complete agony which while that was normal for the beatles cartoon there's usually a title card accompanying it i was scared until the title card thankfully faded in a few seconds later the episode was called because and assumed it was referring to the abbey road song because first scene faded in from black but something was off. It was slightly different than the original style. It looked almost similar to the original, but it looked darker, more detailed.

56:18Then, the episode showed all four Beatles and their trademark grotesque original designs. John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Despite the past oddity, I relaxed hearing the trademark Paul Freese and Lance Percival voicing the Fab Four. They were talking about some kind of CD they found outside the recording studio and about listening to it. This was strange, as CDs weren't invented until 1976, the show was produced in the late 60s. So, then the scene suddenly transitioned to the Beatles and their recording studio. The shot showed John casually putting the headphones on until the thing happened. John all of a sudden just looked like he just blacked out.

56:56Then Paul worriedly asked, John, are you alright? Then the screen zoomed up to John, who had started drooling. all of a sudden john's eyes turned into what i can only really describe my limited vocabulary as lsd acid trip image weird colors after 10 seconds of john's acid tripping face something appeared i grabbed the clicker and went backwards to see what it was what i saw was a morbid grotesque picture it was a real photo of a man with the ventriloquist dummy the scary part of the picture was that the man with the dummy had no mouth instead there was blood on his face where his mouth was supposed to be the dummy had fire in his eyes and an insane smile i had to choke back some vomit after watching it

57:48It's just kind of funny They always do that. Like, do you remember Squidward's Suicide where they keep throwing up over and over? I was so sick. Like, I had to throw up. I was so grossed out. But all they described was. There is a man with no mouth. With a ventriloquist dummy. With a ventriloquist dummy. And the dummy's eyes are on fire. He's like, I'm going to hurl.

58:14And an insane smile. Don't forget the insane smile. Of course. Then the scream went back to an equally as vomit-inducing sight. John's face. Are you alright? Asked Ringo. Sing's not believing. Sing is killing. John said in a dull monotone, as though he was in some sort of trance. John soon snapped back to reality. Oh, there goes gravity. Shaking his head and replied, Yes, yes I am. What time is it, John? it's 113 George answered nonchalantly then the screen went black and blood started to rain down but this blood looked much more realistic ding ding than anything else that I had seen in any other episode it looked so real that if I touched the screen I would somehow get blood on my fingers the blood rain soon disappeared and another scene soon faded in showing the beetles walking to a lake a crowd of girls soon started chasing the guys for almost a minute when all of a sudden a picture of a girl with no eyes ding ding black eyes yep with no eyes appeared on the screen it was an actual black and white picture of a person with just her eye sockets dripping with blood she had no teeth and more blood was pouring out of the mouth i jumped back on my couch after seeing it then the scream went to john's face and all of a sudden the screaming of the fans stopped and when all four of them turned around to check all of the fans were on the ground burning to a crisp paul clearly petrified asked what what happened so wait hold on the the screen cuts back and everyone's dead burning okay yeah then the scene showed ringo vomiting out red vomit with chunks of brown meat something caught my eye i paused and looked closely at the vomit and there was the face of hitler

1:00:14Jarvis freeze Jarvis pause Enhance Mind furor No

1:00:28In the vomit Not in the vomit There was a picture wait pause that rewind enhance enhance

1:00:46oh my god I was somewhat shocked that a man who killed millions of people and soldiers was in a cartoon about the beetle I was like he still can't wrap his head around this being like a Why would they make this? Why would they give that guy free press? That's not very Beatles. Did the Beatles like Hitler? What? Beatlemania was Nazi stuff. I never do that. That's weird. He did it in the vomit the whole time. Just forget about it. John sharply shouted back. But what about our fans? I don't give a fuck.

1:01:34They censored it in the story. because they're 14 and their mom would get mad if they timed it out. It's F star star K, mom. You can't get mad. It's F star star K. Dude, the next sentence, I was shocked that this episode involves John St. Yeah, Ford. But I decided to continue on. The next scene showed a building that was about to be demolished. The Beatles were walking down the street. I thought I was going to go to the Twin Towers right there. I legit was like, there's no way. Okay. I would have, dude, we'll see. We'll see. Hitler has been in throw. Hitler and CDs have been brought into the equation.

1:02:14I like how that was the first thing. It's like, it goes from like, it's where the compact disc was made until 76. And immediately it's like, Hitler. In the vomit. The next scene showed a building that was about to be demolished. Beatles were walking down the street when a wrecking ball hit the building. A piece of rubble went flying in the air. He was about to miss a person when John did something despicable. In typical John fashion, he proceeded to push the man back to where the piece of rubble was about to fall. In typical John fashion, he killed somebody. Classic John! In a second, the piece of solid marble crushed the guy to death.

1:02:55Blood and brain matter flew everywhere. Even though the brain matter and blood still looked cartoonish, it was still pretty horrible. though it was drawn i was still kind of freaked out i was still really scared by all this a crowd of people quickly surrounded the scene and the scene zoomed up to john with an evil smirk on his face the next scene only showed just a black screen only thing that could be heard was a gunshot then there was smoke that i assume represented the fired gun then the screen faded into a shot of the recording studio. The studio had no lights on, causing the screen to be too dark to make anything out.

1:03:35But there was quiet mumbling and I listened closely to hear someone Dolly whispering, I shouldn't have done that. They're going to know. Then one light went on. There was a shadow outside the door. It was the form of John. It wasn't long until the light was reflecting to the sound manager in the recording booth. Dead. i quickly put two and two together and figure that the man was shot by john who had to come really who had a gun for whatever reason the camera zoomed up to the ground outside the room a model 1887 fell to the ground fell to the ground with blood splattered on it and with bits of smoke still coming out of the barrel the next scene suddenly showed paul george and Ringo knocking on John's room door.

1:04:23Then Ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong, sexy insect. What am I reading? Ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong, sexy insect legs. And there was a humongous safe that was the size of an SUV. What am I reading?

1:04:46There's no tell. I feel like I'm being waterboarded. i'm kind of just like please make it stop they didn't know what the combination was but for some reason it wasn't locked up all the way they opened it up and they found out john's secret he was a satanist

1:05:10there was a dead body of a woman on a pentagram drawn in her blood and her with her eyes gorged out. There were dead animals, a fan-made Necronomicon, and goat skull on a pentagram. That is fucking scary. I'm so scared right now. That is fucking freaky, man. Not the Beatles. Not John, no. In fear, George fell to the ground. Paul had to choke back vomit. Ringo ran over to the corpse and yelled out, Ginny! Mafiazze, no!

1:05:53He then slumped to the ground, closing his eyes. Then Ringo started crying in a sad way. What? I honestly was like, I said, that's some crying. He said, but he looked more sad, didn't he? Crying from Ringo. Didn't sound like normal cartoon crying. It sounded as real as day. And in shock, I found out that the dead woman was Ringo's fiance, Jenny. What was his first clue? Oh, yeah. Didn't he scream out? He screamed, my fiance. Who's that woman? Who could that be? Who's that stranger? I didn't know that Ringo had a fiance, but I decided to continue on. Suddenly, some distorted screams of a girl started to play in the background.

1:06:40I started to suspect that's supposed to be the screams of Jenny. The screen went black. Then the screen showed the view of the sun setting from John's legs. The screen immediately went to John's face that he had a mad expression and rapid-moving mouth. He had red in his left iris. His dick looked like... What? His dick looked like it was ripped by a rabid raccoon. He had a noose around his neck. he was about to commit suicide he shut his eyes and jumped hold on I just want to say that this man was murdered in real life yeah this is a guy this is a guy that got shot this is a man who was actually murdered in real life in broad daylight and they're like his dick was ripped off by a rabid raccoon and he hung himself

1:07:32I mean you think about that and he's a fucking satanist I like it they're just like besmirching this man's name yeah wouldn't that be creepy wouldn't that be creepy if you just did that the camera show John's feet still swinging the camera zoomed out to show John's lifeless body hanging on the small cliff on the lake that the Beatles were going to in the beginning of the episode the screen went black and Paul appeared in a sad expression then the screen went black again and then the scary part begins without warning Paul's face appeared with hyper realistic eyes three for three hyper realistic eyes to the word yes let's go there was so many camera views of paul's face like a zoom out of him in the corner then pictures appeared i remember seeing a picture of a hand with a gun in it and the gun was pointed to a little boy's head but the gun was already fired another picture flashed on the screen of a garfish in the river the next the next picture was a burnt just a little wildlife picture in the middle of it look at that fucking exploding next picture was a burnt town people were on the ground dead quickly i discovered that the town was destroyed during an attack it was destroyed because of the vietnam war how did he discover that in the middle of the picture the next picture was three undertakers with seven coffins with little children no younger than six and behind the left undertaker was a coffin with a hand coming out of it and the hand was moving after more pictures it shows paul with the same expression that he had before the scary slideshow then suddenly i heard a loud booming voice of a low low quiet voice saying do it then a 1911 cult pistol appeared in Paul's hand.

1:09:27He puts it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Realistic blood and brain matter went everywhere like on the grass and the cliff. Then the camera zoomed up to the capsule of the bullet that shot Paul in the capsule said your life was already over Paul in a mysterious Russian accent. Yeah, your your life was already over Paul. Wait, the bullet says it the camera zooms up. So it's written on there, but it's written in a Russian accent. Or is the bullet saying in a Russian accent? Your life was already over, Paul. That should be the background. Or no, it should be the smile dog in the background.

1:10:04I was going to say it'd be funny if the whole time it was a bullet capsule that had that. Your life was already over, Paul. In Russian. The next scene showed George on a cliff from the same lake John committed suicide. He was about to commit suicide too. I thought he was going to jump off the cliff, but instead he pulled out a gun and shot himself. I'm surprised a lot of restraint to not say the specific model of gun as he has done twice I was going to say I like how the specific gun is extremely important what's funny about it is the way they write it in 1911 and 1887 is the same way those guns are written in Call of Duty are they really?

1:10:39no one says in 1911 they just say 1911 unless you play Cod Zombies where it says in 1911 it's military terms you don't get it I love black ops so much my dad's a truck driver

1:11:01feels pretty irrelevant he doesn't talk to me that much he's on the road a lot but instead he pulled out a gun and shot himself very anticlimactic boring I'm bored at the end of the scene the camera zoomed into the gun and the gun was the same one Paul used to commit suicide and on the side it said it takes two boards to kill two Beatles it scared me a little bit it sends chills down my spine I mean guns can't talk

1:11:44I mean let's be real here think about it You guys can't talk. This is fucking strange. Look, Hitler, Satan, I can get behind. Hitler was in the vomit. All of a sudden, guns are speaking. This is freaky stuff. The way it's freaky. I'm fucking horrified. I mean, guns can't talk. I mean, for fuck's sakes, people, think about it. Like, I'm pleading with you, Reed, dear reader. Well, someone fucking just take a second to think about this. This is creepy fucking stuff here. I challenge you, think of one instance in your life. I only think of one time you've ever talked to a gun. Not even. I tell you, probably no times.

1:12:32The next scene showed Ringo in the hospital, dying of an unknown disease. He gives Ringo cancer. A little kid being like, and Ringo has total aid cancer. And his gun talks to him. I mean think about that so now that he opened he's like I'm 14 I think he aged himself up the author's like 10 11 yeah yeah yeah it definitely feels like this is like a 12 year old he's like so trust me I'm 14 so you can respect what I have to say my teacher said I'm at a 14 year old reading level he took the picture of him and his fiance and the engagement ring he gave her and then he died then the scene faded while the ending music played.

1:13:20After about a minute, another shot faded in. It appeared to be in a dark hole. Wait, didn't Ringo actually die of a disease? No, Ringo's still alive. Which one got stabbed in his house and then died? That had to be George then. No, I think... One of them died of cancer. George died of cancer. Yeah. And then John Lennon got shot. Yeah, well, the whole thing was... And then Ringo and Paul was alive. The whole thing was George was like, he was doing okay, but then someone broke into his house and stabbed him one night in the lung. Oh, maybe. And it caused like super damaged lungs and then he died after.

1:13:49So they think maybe if that didn't happen, he could have recovered longer or whatever. So I thought for a second, he was saying that like, and Ringo just died of cancer, like in real life. Then the scene faded while the ending music played. After about a minute, another shot faded in. It appeared to be in a dark hall. All I hear was screams, whistles, yelling, and gunshots. I soon found out that the hall was in a prison. the scary part was that every time the lamp swings in the hall a black hooded figure appeared it wasn't long until i found out it was john with gray skin and red iris for a brief second i thought he resembled trademark web comic character carcat vontas there's no way who trademark web comic character?

1:14:40I am immediately looking up who Carcat Vontis is, by the way. This is like in that one story where it's like if you play Destiny, you would know. Hold on. Are you fucking kidding me? This is what Carcat Vontis... It's a homestead character! Carcat Vontis looks like this. Dude, no. no do you know homestuck no that was a huge tumblr series where it's like everyone wrote their own characters and ocs and like it was this big fan fiction where they talked to each other that explains so much about what i'm reading right now

1:15:24car car cat vantas huh dude straight up straight up this being written by like a homestuck person makes so much sense um and that's also the author's depiction of like the devil like that's what the grim reaper looks like big and scary he shouted i hope you enjoyed your life because my life is over including my friends all because of me john Oh, because of me. John Lennon of the Beatles. The infamous John Lennon of Beatles from Liverpool. Imagine. Yeah. Imagine all the car cars. Right behind him. You know, because I know those seven sisters, like our audience, there's some weird people out there.

1:16:19and I know a bunch of them were familiar with Homestuck. When I said car cat vantans, that had to be like a sleeper cell activation. Yeah, exactly. They're going to try to fucking kill somebody. They grab a gun. Must kill the prime minister. Surge of women murderers across the United States. Click, click, click. right behind him was a crowd of guards and prisoners it seems that some of them had bullet holes in their heads and blood all over their bodies in the crowd i could make out several people in grotesque beatles cartoon designs john f kennedy abraham lincoln and archduke france literally everyone who has been assassinated to transfer Dan of Austria.

1:17:12Literally everyone who has been shot. Yep. By the way. What are the chances that Mark David Chapman comes up? The guy that killed John Lennon. What are the chances? It has to. It has to, right? It has to. The really weird part was that the prisoner that was right next to John was Mark David.

1:17:44You are inside his brain. Oh, yes. I hit three for three on the stereotype. Is this one of your stories that you wrote when you were younger? No. No. Okay. Because that was a pull. No. That was a bear trap and a half. Well, I mean, it's everyone getting assassinated. And earlier when they were dying, I'm like, he's the guy that shot John. Yeah, he has to be in here somewhere. He has to. Sure enough. Oh, man. The really weird part was the prisoner next to John was Mark David Chapman. It scared me how the guy who killed the actual John Lennon was right behind the evil cartoon John. For 30 seconds, Mark David Chapman and the crowd of prisoners and guards started walking straight like if they were walking towards me.

1:18:29the more they kept walking the more blood they seemed to got on themselves

1:18:40then the episode finally ended i went backwards and kept rewinding the opening credits to believe how stupid i was to believe there could ever be a nice episode of the beatles cartoon it wasn't long until something caught my eye i looked closely at the bottom of the word because and i paused to see that the episode was actually called the beatles cartoon because of john they're dead

1:19:14i was about to take the tape out until the vcr caught on fire oh

1:19:28Imagine I immediately Got my grieving mom Why was mom grieving? I don't know if you remember earlier He said I convinced my disheveled mom To give me the date So I was like why is this woman so disheveled? Did he just forget to mention that his dad just died? I don't know maybe I got my grieving mom in a fire extinguisher We put out the fire And discovered that somehow the VCR was still okay because we put in more tapes in and they managed to work. But the only thing that was destroyed by the fire was the tape and it was the tape that started the fire. Why do you need the VCR to work? Why write that at all?

1:20:15My disappointed mother and I went back to the collector What's with his mom? I know. This bitch has gone through it though. Good lord. Get this one some happy pills, for the love of God. Maybe the author is just so used to a disappointed mother who doesn't know how else to ride her. Listen, Bob, you're going to be disappointed. Okay? My disappointed mother and I went back to the collector's shop and brought the tape back. The counter worker for the store asked, What happened to the tape? It was set on fire when the tape ended. He roughly grabbed the tape out of my little hands and violently chucked it in the trash bin.

1:20:52all I can all I can say is goodbye and see you later

1:21:02this was golden this was awesome this is exactly what I wanted from every episode so they made a graphic they made a graphic for the episode but the words of John their dad are just as large as because implying that he didn't even look at anything oh my gosh I love the innocence of like children writing something they perceive to be super scary there's something so oddly wholesome and funny about just like it's every benchmark of like what's evil Hitler Satanist assassination it's all there and it even had the photorealistic eyes I mean come on come on that was a home run that's an all timer that has to be in the greats that is in the greats I don't know why I didn't hear about that one because that one doesn't get talked about in any regard compared to like Sonic do you think just over saturation also because it might have come later and also it's probably because it's the fucking Beatles if this one came out in the 60s maybe it would have got some breath Suicide was like the one.

1:22:19That and like Mickey Mouse dot ABI. Yeah, well, it's just the names. You have all the classic. I know that character. I like it. Yeah, the Beatles cartoon. You think kids give a fuck about the Beatles in 2007? Yeah, right. Well, I know that story came out like a month ago. That would be awesome. The Beatles. Hitler. All right, we got one more up here 12 years ago. This is another old, this has to be a golden era classic. It is called Does Anyone Know a Good Plumber? I did one of those stupid rituals and now my shower's leaking and there's a faceless guy in my kitchen. I've never heard of this one before.

1:22:54I just want to say that is a lengthy title. The top comment is cringe. I just want to repeat the name. Does anyone know a good plumber? I did one of those stupid rituals and now my shower's leaking and there's a faceless guy in my kitchen. Do you think that you're supposed to say that with the Jim Halpert? like yeah absolutely 100 % read with that yeah hit us with the Jim Halpert read does anyone know a good plumber I did one of those stupid rituals now my shower's leaking and there's a faceless guy in my kitchen that's what you're supposed to read absolutely all right does anyone know a good plumber I screwed up one of those stupid ritual things that everyone's doing and now my shower is leaking and also there's some faceless guy in my kitchen my landlord comes tomorrow and he's going to kill me especially because i also have a cat and i'm not even supposed to have pets it all started when i was drunk messaging a girl on tinder and she said that the only way we would meet up is if i did this weird ritual thing where i summon a ghost or some shit i think she called it may uh culpa or something actually her exact message was this

1:24:23yeah she was a weird chick at least i think she was a girl i couldn't really see her face her picture was just a black background with two shiny dots that kind of look like eyeballs you could sort of see some features but it looked like her face was gray and i couldn't really see her mouth but she had really good skin i was about to rally for a pizza face i just want to say this deal of a millennial cringe lord trying to get some pussy is it took me already this guy's kind of my hero right now honestly didn't really go fuck what her face looked like because she had clear clear skin and i kind of i like that a lot yeah do you relate to this a millennial cringe Lord trying to get laid.

1:25:06Is that you? That was kind of probably me back in the day. I'd assume so. Well, I'm more of a boomer Cringelord. What generation are you? You're Gen X. No, you're millennial. You're millennial. Are you? I'm the beginning of X. No, you have to be the end. Because like my mom's Gen X. Yeah, how old is your mom? 59. Oh, okay. I mean, I'm 43, so. You're not 43. I don't know what you are, but if you tell me a number, it's not that number. All right. So anyway, I weighed the pros and cons of spooky rituals versus trampoline booty as best I could on five shots of Patron. I mean, I'm an all-star. So I weighed the pros and cons of spooky rituals versus trampoline booty as best as I could on five shots of Patron.

1:25:56Is this guy my fucking spirit animal? Did you write this? I kind of fucking wish I did. What is trampoline booty? Hit him with the next line here. It was totally worth it. My boy's clapping. What is trampoline? Does that mean you can bounce on it? Is that the? Yeah. Okay. I see. All right. I set my cell phone to three 26 AM, but since my phone is a 2005 Motorola razor, can this, can this guy is, this might be the coolest fucking guy. He's rocking a 2005 Motorola razor and he's getting some pussy on the side. Are you kidding me? And he's like fucking five shots of Patron. This guy rules. Holy shit.

1:26:40That's awesome. I like how this story opened with me like, I sent a scary dog pissing my friends. And now it's ending for you. Yeah, I'm so stoked. But since my phone's an 05 Motorola Razr that was dropped in the toilet several times, it went off at 4 a.m. Fuck. I decided to go through the ritual anyway. I was also supposed to have a friend during this thing but my bestie recently got incarcerated for selling heroin on the corner of Patterson Park and Eastern Avenue shout out to my main man Roscoe I'm not even joking you had a funny name this guy fucking rules this guy I would get fucked up with this guy so quick the corner of Patterson Park and Eastern Avenue that is some real shit dude that's sick i'm glad this is such a this is awesome home run for you i set up and turned off my alarm but the moment i turned it off i drunkenly passed out again woke up 20 minutes later and actually got out of bed this time stumbling around the room in the dark because apparently you're not supposed to turn on the lights because if you do a ghost will pop out i was supposed to find a oh it sounds like he's playing uh the midnight game Or like something similar.

1:28:03Like you light the candle. Yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, set the alarm for four. I was supposed to find a candle and light it, but my hangover just made me trip over one of the several candles I placed on my floor. Eventually, I gave up and flipped the lights on, grabbing a candle from my desk. Completely, completely disregarding what you said earlier in this paragraph. He's like, ah, fuck it. He's the lights and grabs the candle. he's awesome dude this guy rules also getting drunk on Patron the night you're trying to get some ghost pussy is insane I feel like in an alternate world where we didn't do YouTube if we still met like I'd try to convince you to do some creepy ritual thing and this would be this would probably be it I squinted out my window to see that my ghetto Baltimore neighborhood looked like at 4.20am the street was empty except for some rando wearing a black robe and a giant pointy black hat he was staring up at me through the window i couldn't really see his face you know baltimore has gone to the dogs first gang wars now an updated kkk for god's sake has gone to the fucking dogs it's such a clutch line he seems like the devil and like a clansman's robe and he's like what will they think of next god damn the birds have gone to the dogs i lit the candle and looked at my phone i was supposed to knock on my bedroom door 66 times the 66th knock timed on the 406 but since i had screwed everything else up i just did a shave and haircut knock and then walked into my hallway what's a shave and a haircut dog I don't fucking know I bet you anything there is that's not even a reference to anything yeah that's what I call it with the old shave and a haircut so I was like huh he's like anyways my bedroom door is opposite the stairs and looking down the dark stairwell was pretty spooky I thought I saw something move on one of the lower steps for the next step I was supposed to close my eyes and walk forward while chanting mea culpa mea culpa Mia Culpa, which is Italian for my Culpa, which is probably some kind of shitty Italian car.

1:30:27Try to close my eyes and walk forward while talking about Italian cars. But my cat, Fish Sticks, ran under my feet and I ended up tripping over him and falling down the flight of stairs. He tripped over his cat, whose name is Fish Sticks. He just rolled. Also, too, completely unfazed. He's like, I think I'll see something moving down there. Mia Culpa. Mia Culpa.

1:30:54at some point the stupid candle went out as i flailed down the stairs but i was too concussed to care i rolled up from the ground groaning and decided that i would just continue to go through the motions which meant hiding in a closet and waiting for the ghost to play hide and seek with me. I chose the kitchen pantry because I had some open potato chips in there, so I made my way back. As I stumbled, I heard several soft whispers behind me. I spun around, hoping that I was right about fish sticks knowing how to talk, but there was no one there. Except for the figure standing in the door. I stopped, blinked, and it was gone.

1:31:39I really needed to lay off the Patron. As I honed in on the closet, the alcohol and concussion finally caught up with me and I stumbled to a stop, doubling over and vomiting watery Patron all over the kitchen floor. Fuck! My ass was landlord grass. The hellish combination of alcohol, concussion, post-vomit, and a looming eviction notice caused my emotions to go haywire and I unleashed a violent sob, mucus and tears riveting down my face i heard a noise outside the kitchen my eyes fell on the kitchen window and i spied that stupid gang member slash kkk dude in my backyard still staring at me i must have looked like an idiot weeping in front of my kitchen pantry too ashamed to confront him i just crawled into the pantry and shut the door it was so cold in there it damn froze my man titties off my air conditioner was probably broken i definitely needed to call the landlord but that would mean sedating fish sticks and stuffing him in a suitcase under my bed at this point i realized that i needed to reevaluate my life maybe i shouldn't drink as much maybe i should give fish sticks to a good home maybe i should find women with intellect and poise maybe i should move out of my shit neighborhood where KKK people run around at 4am.

1:33:02After going through an entire existential crisis in my pantry, I decided to say, screw it and end the stupid ritual. That tender girl wasn't even that hot anyway. And besides, I still had like 70 more ritual things to complete, which included lighting eight more candles, stabbing a Japanese doll and spinning around in a circle while screaming, you're it, you're it. This was all supposed to culminate in me going to my basement, sitting in front of a mirror and looking into the mirror but not actually looking into it which made absolutely no sense that's a different one i can't remember which one he's just doing all the noise as i got to open the pantry door i heard a low moan coming from behind the door i froze i prayed to god it wasn't my landlord cracked open the door to see the gang member slash kkk guy standing in the kitchen staring at me finally got a good look at him he definitely didn't have a face just checklist guys no face for sure i guess getting your face taken away is part of a gang ritual now he didn't react to my presence he just stared i didn't know how the hell to deal with gang members or faceless kkk members so i just stared back we did this for about five minutes before i slowly inched out of the kitchen and back upstairs he turned to watch me as I went but didn't move so after that I went up to my bathroom to take a shower and now my shower head is leaking which I blame on the stupid ritual so if you know any good plumbers in the Baltimore area I would really appreciate it

1:34:38that was enjoyable that was a fun one to end on the top comment that says cringe has no life doesn't know excellence when he sees it for like a comedy creepy pasta thing i'll take that any day of the week they actually so they posted a few so the author's name of that last one was narrative of the life and they post an r slash no sleep a lot one of them's called does anyone know where to buy a mermaid frappuccino so i imagine this is a recurring yeah i like that that's cool good out of all these like little classics i what a fun what a fun day of reads so the fucking on this is like a fever dream.

1:35:13So like that last one was good. That last one was good, but the Beatles won. Yeah. That was an earnest like that. I love a nice youthful, earnest like try of trying to scare somebody is beautiful. Love it. An all-timer. Very good. Very good. Loved it. Definitely the Beatles one was my favorite too. Guys, thank you so much if you're listening on audio platforms right now like Spotify, Apple Podcast. We appreciate you. Thanks for giving us a nice little rating there too. It does help us out. Thank you to all of our beautiful patrons and consider buying some merch or don't actually don't do it the links right there don't even click it i don't want you to don't do it but until then we will see you next time buy merch if hunter left me in the airport

1:36:12Thank you.

1:36:42we