Something's Really Weird About My Sexy New Neighbor | Creep Cast

24:57And I don't want to go look. So I tried to tell him that it's a raccoon or something. If you want to go look so bad, you go look. We decide to go look together. It's not that smart an idea. I mean, it's easier to see two people than one. We did turn off the TV, so there's no light at least. And we look. We both incurs and duck down right away. You think she saw us? She wasn't facing us. I told him. She was out there. But her back was to us. It looked like she was gardening or something. Keep in mind this is like close to midnight. The folks are already in bed. And Damon Barbie's out there doing yard work?

25:35I don't think so. She was digging, JB. He says, and his eyes got that scared look. We do paper scissors rock. Okay, it's rock, paper, scissors, dude. Don't fucking... We do paper scissors. we do rock paper scissors to see who has to look at this time I'm a dumbass who always I'm a dumbass who always does paper and Sam knows it so I have to look she's digging alright I tell Sam really going at it too tossing dirt every which way between her big ass tree and her fence you think it's a body Sam asks too small for a body I tell him what about a kid's body stop freaking me out I tell him and flick his ear what should we do Sam's asking like I know.

26:18Holy shit. I say suddenly, because I just realized something. I thought she was wearing some tight white suit or something. She's not wearing a suit at all. She's just in some lacy bra and panties. Is it a kid's body? Oh my god, she's half naked. She jumps up and starts looking with me right away. Man, in here he was supposed to be all scared, but I say a word, naked, and he's up like grandpa in a bingo hall. She starts dragging something in her trash bag into the hole while we were both watching. And we both see it. Something's in the bag, moving. I keep thinking of Red Finney. What if she's doing it again?

26:58Who would we tell? Sam must be thinking the same thing because he says to me, We're gonna have to dig that up. Oh, I almost forgot. We started noticing this funny smell coming from that house. It's worse at night. It's like burning sugar in plastic. I saw this dog one day walking along the sidewalk. It was all the way to the other side of the road, passing her house. Like it was avoiding her doing something. Almost seems like, I'm wondering if she's like doing a little fucking Orochimaru action. You know what I mean? She's grabbing children and then like sucking their life force from them so she can stay young.

27:31I don't know. She is, she is white. She's like deathly pale to me. When I, whenever I read that, she's like all white. And I imagine that it was more like, I don't know when like a body, like a dead body, Like in a lot of movies when there's like dead bodies or something, usually they're like stark white. I don't know. Oh, I almost forgot. We started noticing this funny smell coming from that house. It's worse at night. It's like burning sugar and plastic. I saw this dog one day walking along the sidewalk. It goes all the way to the other side of the road passing her house. Like it was avoiding her.

28:00And I never saw a bird or squirrel in her yard, neither. I know I'm just psyching myself out, but it's crazy. And here's the other thing. I smelled that smell before. Like, my mom's always saying, you remember smells better than anything? This was when I was real young. We were out, just me and my dad at the barbershop. Dad let me go to the vending machine to get a snack. I smelled that smell coming from across the street. The door over there is open, and I'm thinking, this is like a candy shop. I got my two dollars from Dad, so I go over to get some candy. Then I hear my dad shout, NO! Like he's mad at me.

28:37But like he's scared or something. I go running back thinking I did something wrong. He grabs me up and he's just looking at that place. I'm scared and also disappointed. I wanted to see that candy shop, goddammit. I'm looking at that place too. When I see a big snake come slithering out and the door closes. That's a bad place. Dad said and took me back into the shop. Okay. What the fuck? This is like kind of like almost like a... It's obviously feeding on children. there's some kind of element of it i'm telling man the orochimaru call out might be for real all right i do like the uh i do like the uh i do like the witch angle i think that you guys might be right i think like a witch some kind of witch or something the snake in particular does making it seem the snake makes it seem like not like what is is it like a druid that turns into animals or something but also just you know the snake being like an unholy figure it does seem like there's some kind of witchcraft going on or something a familiar yeah yeah yeah or shadow jutsu that's that's right believe it it's time to talk about something scary your health i know i don't go in the doctor as much as i should if i'm feeling sick i'll just lie in bed and sleep it away but that's only because i don't want to have to deal with the appointments insurance and blah blah blah blah blah that's why i have zoc doc zoc doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment we're talking about in-network appointments with more than a hundred thousand health care providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health eye care to skin care and much more and the nice thing about zoc doc is that you can filter for doctors that take your insurance are nearby and are highly rated it's super easy to use and you can find an appointment time that works for you with the right doctor for your needs plus zoc doc appointments happen fast typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking you can even score same day appointments you don't want to admit it but you should probably see a doctor so stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash creepcast to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

30:59That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash creepcast. ZocDoc.com slash creepcast. Thank you, ZocDoc, for sponsoring the episode. Back to our spooky story.

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32:20Thank you Ridge Wallet for sponsoring the show. Now back to the episode. Later on, he told me they found some missing kid in there. So I have to never, ever just walk off again. I don't remember that part much. Just my dad's face when he grabbed me and that snake. So anyway, Sam's like, we're going to have to dig that up. I'm about to give him a good punch in the shoulder and tell him he's nuts. But I don't do anything. Neither does he. We froze. Because now she's facing us. you think it's she's staring at us again but that's not it she's bending forward to shovel the dirt into the hole like leaning way forward so we get a good look at this scenic vistas of the grand canyon know what i mean sam grabs the binoculars and we look at and we each look out at sam grabs binoculars and we each look at out aside while we're looking i swear i hear her laughing it sends chills right through my bones she's still just filling the hole though so i don't know maybe it was in my head sam said he doesn't know what i'm talking about after patting down the hole she goes in i will say uh okay so she has she's burying something it's alluding to maybe a body we don't know what it is i will say a witch being a big-titted woman to lure in young boys is a very interesting concept is like a little as like a bait is like a little like throwing a lure out to catch something you know but it definitely feels like it's going to be as soon as they get close to her she's going to be like disgusting or decayed or something it feels like it's going to be a I don't know it feels like this is going to be something where it's it's like she's using the looks for deception or something like a big titty anglerfish exactly as soon as she's gone Sam's ready to go over there I tried talking him out of it, saying we should let dad know.

34:12I'm going with or without you, he says. So, I tell him to go. What? So I tell him to go, and what kind of flowers he would like at his funeral? Because dad's going to kill him when he finds out. He tells me bye and heads downstairs. I want to strangle him. I do. But I can't let him go alone. Alright, good brother. For a second I thought he was just going to let him go alone. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? We can't get to dad's shovels without making noise. We can only get mom's little garden shovels. Then, we leap the fence from our own yard. We could have just walked around, except we might be seen.

34:42But we might get seen if we do that. We try to dig fast. We know she never sleeps, except tonight, apparently. First night since we move in that all the lights are off. We caught a lucky break. Dicking with that stupid little shovel is taking forever. So I start getting in there with my hands. Soon, I feel the plastic and I pull it up slowly. Like the very minute I have it, I get light pops on in the house. Oh, shit. Like the very minute I have it, a light pops on in the house. Oh my god. I look up and see Sam walking up to the back door. I ground by the back of his pants and yank him. What the hell?

35:18We gotta run! He got this blank look on his face. Almost like her. I smack him and say, run! And to his credit, he does. We don't even bother filling in the hole. We jump the fence and we're out of there. Once we're in the house, we're like, oh shit. What if this is a kid's body? Now it's in our house? I did paper. Oh, I did paper again. so I'm the one that has to open it. Whatever was moving isn't anymore. I tear it open and look, this big nasty snake falls out of the bag, slithers around a little until we get it to go out the back door. Oh my God. Fuck sakes. Being in a trance too is kind of like a little trance is pretty sick too.

36:03That idea that you're digging hectically and you look up and your brother's just mindlessly walking towards the back door. Fuck that. Sam's looking at me like something really isn't right here. Like, who buries a snake in a plastic bag at midnight? What kind of voodoo shit is that? For me, though, a snake. For me, though, a snake again. A snake and that smell. How's that possible? When we calm down a little, I go looking in the bag. There's one of those Letterman jackets. Something wrapped in it. It's a kid, Sam says, and I think he's about to faint. I think it's a box, I tell them. This creepy wooden box.

36:41Let's get past the unboxing video. It's got some teeth, pictures, and a pair of old plastic binoculars inside. Weird, we will say. I'm wondering at some point, Red. It almost seems like maybe that's Red. Red's body? Hmm. Also, too, with all this stuff of him remembering shit as a child, almost makes you think of, I don't know, reincarnation or some shit. or like I almost like the kid is almost like our protagonist has like lived this before or like lived it in a past life or something I don't fucking know dude shit's got me freaked out got me kind of got me wet in the panties pictures are all pretty old and they're all of boys boys me and Sam's age teens none of them look like they don't none of them none of them look like they know their pictures are being taken most of them are on the street a few seem to be their homes.

37:32A few of them see me in their homes. I only recognize one person on the phones. That's dad, I tell Sam. He calls me a liar though, his heart isn't in it. Look, I say holding the picture into his face. He doesn't argue, just moves on to the other pictures. One of the pictures has a boy wearing the jacket we pulled out of the bag. We must really be the same one. Sam's nodding, but not saying anything. We're both thinking it. It's just not possible. She'd have to be like 70. No amount of Botox can make a granny look like that. I guess it could be her daughter still. Why bury this stuff after all this time?

38:12Can't make heads nor tails of it. We agree. We have to show dad. Oh, he was mad. We lost window privileges. We lost window privileges. Oh, he was mad. We lost window privileges. You ever hear of that grounding? Taped up our windows with cardboard. Looking outdoors is for boys who don't perv on devil milfs. He's not wrong. After that, he took us on a drive with him. Just driving around. And he talked. We kept our mouths shut. My whole life. My whole life been in apartments, he said. Always paying rent to somebody. Nothing for myself. This is the first time I have a place of my own. And you boys know that.

38:54We ain't going nowhere. You just have to stay away from that female next door. Stay away from that house. From that yard. Don't look at them titties. There's enough of those on TVs these days. You get me? We got them. Dad gave us plenty of talks before. He's like Obama with the speeches. He never gave us one like this before. He's like Obama with the speeches. He's like Obama with the speeches. What does that mean? Oh, let me be clear. Okay, okay, I see, I see, I see. Let me be clear. Don't look at them titties, Michelle. He never gave us one like this before. Red Finney wasn't so stupid. He was stupid, but he was stupid because he always listened to me.

39:38Red thought Thaddeus was the smartest boy there ever lived, but no. I was the stupidest one there. I was one that started him. He pulled into the casino parking lot and stopped. After we heard the scream, I was spot on that house all the time. Had my cheap binoculars. I saw that female, just her shape. And finally one night, all the lights went off. I called up Red and we went. One of the back windows was left wide open. We didn't even have to break. Just had to enter. There was this funny smell. It almost choked you. We could hear snoring upstairs. And Red says he'll take downstairs in the basement.

40:18I get upstairs. I'm looking at all these rooms, just empty rooms. I hear the snoring come out of one of these little female moans. I got that girl fever going, so I decided I got a peek in the room. I'm going real slow. I'm scared as hell. I think about to see her sprawled out there on the bed in some tiny nightgown. That's not what's in there. There ain't anyone in that bed. It's a record been playing the sounds the whole time. I tell myself then I'm stupid and Red's stupid and we're both stupid. There's real trouble here. I see these pictures around the record player. Same ones you found that box minus some.

41:00I try to sneak out of there and go to Red. The door won't push open. I push harder. It starts moving. Then I hear this laughing. I see some old man who's pressed up against the door. I'm so scared now I get mad. what the hell are you doing you old creep i say something to that effect he tells me he has some candy for me but he's holding a wood chisel i'm running out of there i hear red screaming from the basement then it stops he won't answer i hear someone i hear someone coming and laughing i hear someone coming and laughing okay first i want to say it's not someone is walking towards me and laughing okay i thought i was gonna die the window the window i came in closed up solid now, so I smashed through that thing.

41:46Still had the scar on my ass from where I crawled out. Told what I could without implicating myself. Maybe I should have told more. Maybe Red might still be alive today. That's what I have to live with. He could still be alive, I said. Son, that was Red's jacket you found. He wore it that day. That place was evil. That female was evil. Somehow she found me. You just keep your noses clean and you say your prayers. She'll get bored and go. Trust your old dad. We drove back home. Didn't say another word. Mentally, I committed to doing just what dad asked. Nose clean, high fiber diet, and prayers.

42:25Okay. The old man bit freaks me out. I will say, is the old man, were they, do you think that there was implications that they were hypnotized at all here to go in? otherwise is the man just putting on a record of snoring and he's just like oh i hope somebody comes in here so i can offer them candy and i can laugh in the basement and come you know i mean is it one of those things because to me i'm like it feels kind of weird what also too i think that it's i think that we're dealing with yes some kind of like even if it's not a witch it it makes me think that the man in there is the true form of the big-titted woman and that's just like preying on little boys, but maybe it's an older man who's trying to suck the youth out of like trying to suck the life force out of young boys for himself.

43:22I don't know. Things like this happen and they don't just leave your mind. So, as I'm making friends at school, I'm just going to pretend I don't have a succubus living next to me. I was talking to this one dude and he tells me how we should hang out this weekend. And where do I live? Oh, man. Poor Darnell. I'm sure we just want to enjoy my company and not to look at the evil sex pot next door. I say the street, and before I give him the number, he says, Oh, damn. You mean the street with the big titty girl? These tits have got to be legendary if it's spreading across. It's like a goddamn wildfire in this town, dude.

43:59These are some biblical titties. Holy moly. This dude, pal, tells me to come on and I need to talk to Darnell. Uh, I don't know who that is. And while we're walking, he's saying how they all know about her. Darnell saw her first. Because one night, he was driving around and saw this crazy, sexy woman just taking her trash to the road. And when she bends over to pick up a can to recycle, he almost hits a fucking tree. He keeps circling the block to drive past again, and he says she's not even mad. She's waving. Next day, he's telling everyone. I saw this fine piece in this tiny little dress and these big old melons and a pumpkin ass And they were like Melons and pumpkins, you know what I'm talking about and he said Pumpkin ass cuz when I saw it.

44:48I was like I want to be pumpkin that ass. All right. This kid rules did This is this is a this is a this is a sharpshooter if I've ever seen one I was trying to ask this guy some real questions but he's got tits and ass on the brain now. And he tells me how Darnell was taking them on drives past the house during lunch for a month, but they stopped. So I ask him why. Because Darnell came in one day. Said he had hit that. Rearranged her guts good. Took all the mystery out of it. Driving by wasn't the same after. He's lying. We found Darnell out in the parking lot. He was sitting in the Mustang door wide open with a few other dudes around.

45:28pal tells darnell i live next to pumpkin ass and darnell's like you get with that yet hot to trump my man i don't want to sound like a loser you know what i mean so i just say not yet darnell says oh you missing out my man you think the outside of that's good bitch is even better on the inside best pussy ever had whoa the dudes around him are saying even better than lefty but he ignores the jab and keeps going she wants it so bad she pulls me in the house and tore her clothes off she's so wet i slide right up in her and she's begging me to go slow and moda and tells me it's too big and you know what she feels like inside pussy the dude says but uh i will say the pussy like i is that does it feel like is it pussy i'm telling my man it feels like there's all these tiny little hands in there like thousands of them all of it and they're all massaging and rubbing me like milk in a tiny little hands one of his buddy says you sure wasn't yours they were all laughing at him and he was getting mad until he saw i wasn't laughing you know yeah like like every cell just wants to make me feel good you boys wouldn't know about that but this guy does no he said i never got with that call me a liar i guess so because if you went in there you wouldn't have had a good time and you might not even got out he shoved me up he shoved me up against another car and got in my face with some with some threats he wanted to fight he wanted me to fight him but i walked away dad don't mind me fighting so long as it's worth it and i knew it wasn't when school was over darnell was waiting he asked me if i want to drive i tell him no way but he says he's but he says he has something he needs to tell me it's about that woman he seems different now the cockiness is gone so i get in he warns me i can't go telling anyone what he warns me i can't go telling anyone else what he's about to say i'll be driving by there all the time take any excuse you know like she knew i was coming she'd be out there doing something each and every time her eyes would be like oh come fuck me darnell come fuck me and part of me and part of me was like too good to be true and another part a big part you feel me was like hell yeah this one day i'm done playing so i stop and i go up and i knock she's at the door wearing almost nothing at all i'm like if there's a lottery for ass i just hit the mega millions jackpot i straight up tell her she's been cock teasing long enough she says well i don't do something about it and that sounds like she's playing but she could have just been uh she could have just been the weather radio the way she said it oh yeah so she oh shit so she was just like why don't you come do something about it she didn't she didn't even ask twice though i got my hands all over that and closed the door behind me she feels cold so i say i'm gonna warm her up good it's real weird because she's not like reacting at all i'm squeezing those big tits and she's thinking about her netflix big tits and she's thinking about her netflix should i squeeze harder baby i say and tell her and she tells me to wait there i'm there for minutes and my patience is about to war my patience about war out i don't hear anything like she just disappeared just house noises a clock taken like a faucet dripping and then this chuckle i wonder what she's playing at i call out and she won't answer i hear a thud So I go looking.

49:06When I get to the stairs, that's when the whispers start. Like she's talking to someone. Maybe she's on the phone. Telling her husband she was... Telling her husband she's just been doing laundry. You know, feel me? I keep going up the stairs and now I know someone else is in the house. Whoever it is sounds like a fucking elf or something. I don't know. And he just keeps laughing in this way that gives me the freaks. I go in the room with a couch and an old, old TV. Like, you know those TVs that got wood panels? Who wants a wooden TV? I go in there and the whispers stop right away, man. I mean, right away.

49:46I'm getting some bad vibes. Then I see her there. The back of her head. She's just sitting there on the damn couch watching TV. I'm thinking, what the hell is this? Bitch is down to fuck suddenly. she needs to watch her afternoon shows so i go up to her and i say hey and she turns around and ain't her at all it's this creepiest shit old man he's wearing her hair and her dress and he's laughing i said you think this is funny i mean where is she at he points behind me and i look behind me and it's a closed door i turn back in the few seconds and this old guy moved like an arm length away. I can smell him.

50:29Smells like Werther's original. Fucking old man candy. Scared the shit out of me. Man, I swear this is true. I look over his shoulder and whatever the hell he was watching on TV is watching us now. It's like a talk show, but they're staring right at the camera and not saying nothing. What kind of show does that? And the old man starts pointing behind me, nodding and laughing. His eyes are the craziest I've ever seen in my life. And I want to look but there ain't no way I'm taking my eyes off that creepy son of a bitch again. So I back down out that room and he says to me in this voice, like he got a radio static in his voice or something, and he says, you made the right choice.

51:08I didn't even notice until he had a corkscrew in his hand. I bolted the hell out of there. We'd just been driving around the same block while he got this whole story out. I got the feeling he wasn't telling me something, so I said so. Okay? My granddad raised me for when I was really young. My folks ain't worth a shit. My folks ain't worth a shit is why. Why trash spent most of their life in prison. Granddad had been dead for a year now on the way out of that house. I thought I smelled my granddad. That same smell always in my granddad's home. Almost when he turned around and looked but I didn't.

51:47I don't believe in ghosts and shit. But I was so scared it had me imagining. He stopped the car at the very end of the street, far from that house. None of us said a word for a while. I believed the story, though. I didn't believe he rearranged her guts. This, I believed. That got me laughing a bit to myself. The whole thing was so creepy and serious that it made me laugh more. The fuck, Darnell said. Where'd you get the tiny hands shit from, I asked. he burst out laughing too and told me he got out of his car already told me to get out of his car already when I was getting out he said be careful man I decided I wasn't going to tell Sam what Darnell said you don't need to be freaked out more than he already was he wasn't doing me any favors that's for sure that night Sam was watching anime in his room now it's on discord with some old friends Sam comes in my room looking like a ghost JB she's right outside the window dude you didn't take that you didn't take down that cardboard we'd been real good about doing what dad said i ain't look at them titties i ain't look at them titties since i thought about them a little though sam says no i just i hear something i'll go back to sam's room and i stand there in the front of the cardboard i tell him i don't feel it i tell him i don't feel anything so he tells me to listen real close hold my breath and i hear it it sounds like someone And it sounds like someone heavy breathing on a phone.

53:16Like in the movies. Just the wind and the trees, I tell him. Relax. I go back to my room a few minutes later. Sam's back. I'm like, come on, man. Because he's acting like he's five. He's begged me to come hang out in his room. And I do. And when I get in there, that breathing sound's already gone. I sit on his bed and I get on my phone. And then I hear it. Like scratching at the cardboard. with the window been pulled up. I freeze up. Sam's just looking at me. Then the breathing starts up again. We don't say a word. Too scared for that. I get up off that bed and get close to the cardboard. Sam's shaking his head.

53:57I put my ear against the cardboard. Hear anything? Sam asked so I shushed him. I hear a vehicle go outside. Some crickets and then I whisper clear as if someone's in my room. How star now? Ooh! Ooh! I think we should tell Dad, I tell Sam. He's staring at the cardboard like he's about to piss himself. I turn and see two fingers poking through a gap in the tape and quickly pull back. We didn't waste another second. We were getting Dad. Okay, that shit actually got me. I'm not gonna lie. I heard that shit. I actually scared myself. I keep thinking someone's behind me and shit. That's pretty fucking good.

54:39I do love the idea of a guy like... of a guy lying about a sex story to his buddies when it was like a traumatic thing. And then we get, we get to like hear this guy who was just like, I was just trying to get some pussy. And then all of a sudden he's terrorized by this like guy in a fucking wig. Very odd. The supernatural element to the story is very interesting because it doesn't take huge swings. Like the TV, it's almost like the hypnotism factor is like having people hallucinate things like Darnell looking at the TV and there's people just staring at him, not saying anything, but it just seems like, it seems like it's hypnotizing people so it can get close enough to kill him or something.

55:20A few days passed with nothing else happening. Dad was practically on patrol. He'd been checking up the, he'd been checking up the windows all the time. He put an old, he put an order in for cameras. He was doing his best to keep us safe. And I remembered how awesome he is. only thing is he wouldn't go to confront her when i got home from school that monday sam was already home his middle school closer to home than high school as soon as i come in he grabs me by the shirt and starts yanking me to this room also too i would imagine that if they even if they tried calling the cops or somebody i think that we've at least the story feels like it's established that even if the cops went there either one the titties are so magnificent that the cops are going to be distracted by it or it's just they're gonna be like it's just a woman there's like no you know i imagine that the the the entity or whatever would put on a show to not get uh to not get caught you know when i got home from school that monday sam was already home his middle school is closer to home than the high school and as soon as i come home he grabs me with a shirt and starts yanking me to his room he whispers jb we should what should we do and i'm like go our separate ways.

56:29He then puts the he then puts these panties in my face. They're lacy red. I don't think they'll fit you. I said he says he found them in his school bag. He shows me on the butt on the butt. Help me has written an eyeliner or something. Oh my God. Wait, wait, wait. So is the is the woman being used as like a fucking is like a pond? What? All right. You motherfuckers who are saying sniff you need a guy on. First off, I just want to say this to the people listening this right now. we have a patron we have a patron whose name is fucking rick sanchez doesn't even have a profile picture of rich sanchez and he just keeps typing sniff all right that's who welcome to our community what do we do jb we got to show dad right i tell him no i had this idea just floating around the back of my mind for a while i didn't pay too much mind this message is like missing a piece of a puzzle you know dad's already on a rampage if we show him these he'll whip our asses with our own dicks i'll hide them i mean think about it she's got these crazy hypnotized blank stares there's all this strange stuff there's a creepy old man darn else all in the house and now she writes a message that just says help me i have to trust my gut maybe she's a victim maybe i can save her maybe she'll want to reward her hero and i'll say i'm no hero i'm no hero just in the right place at the right time and i take her to a movie and one thing leads to another and i sniff the panties and that felt I was right okay alright well there we go never mind Rick Sanchez you are completely Rick you're completely you're completely fucking you're justified he sniffed the panties there you go okay why do I even try you know Rick I cannot believe to say this but in a creep cast episode Rick Sanchez hit a bear trap wow good for you Rick one point for Rick.

58:26We'll give him a point. I think it's a trap. Tim tells me later that night. Just tell Dad. It does smell like a trap too. Sure. But I can make an executive decision. We're gonna hide the panties under my mattress. I'm gonna see if she's dicking with us. Nobody's telling Dad nothing. I go take the trash out that evening. And while I'm out there, I slip my undies in her mailbox. I wrote on them. 2 a.m. Garage side door. Why not just a fucking... Why not just a note, dude? Why didn't it have to be your underwear? I set an alarm to wake up at 2 a.m., except I can't sleep. Neither can Sam. We're both too wired thinking about it.

59:04I go into his room and we wait for 2 a.m. It's a school night, so we have to be real quiet. Sam whispers, What if Dad's alright? Then I guess we're fucked. He whispers again, What if Dad's wrong, though? Maybe we'll get fucked. That cracks him up, makes him relax a little more. At 1.55, I go take a piss. I'm not even drinking anything, but I have to go every 20 minutes. I'm so nervous. Just takes me a few seconds. When I get out, I see Sam's - I see Sam - I see Sam standing frozen in the doorway of his own bedroom. I go to ask if he's okay. I have to cover my mouth to stifle my scream. She's there.

59:44She's standing in Sam's room. Wearing the same lacy, what they call, negligee, I guess. Because it's like she's - It's like she's negleed. She's neglected to put anything on. I'm too freaked out to be excited. She says some things that I can't follow because I'm still in shock that she's just there. Sam and I close the bedroom door anyway and sit Sam's bed with her. And sit on Sam's bed with her. I guess that's what she asked us to do. I don't remember. How is it that you're acting normal all of a sudden? I ask. You've been creepy as hell peeping at us from behind the tree. That wasn't me. She said.

1:00:23That was him. He looks just like me sometimes. Who? Cross. That's what he calls himself. Who knows that's his real name. He started having seizures of some kind. What? Okay, what the fuck is going on? Hold on a second. Hold on. So she's completely normal right now. Question. Why do you not run for help? Well, I found a pair of shitty underwear. I better go talk to the neighborhood boys next door. Am I lost here? unless she's unless this is coming into some kind of uh well it could be a trap that is true it could be a trap but it also could be her just being like hey you're in immediate danger and i have to tell you i can't i can't go anywhere else right now i i owe it to you guys to tell you i don't know she's whispering real low like she's just a few feet away but uh she wasn't traced to a robotic like before or she wasn't trans to a robotic like before she felt like a real person.

1:01:22I could tell she was scared. I was right, I'm thinking. I was right all along. She was a victim. She's normal now. Look at her. She even moves her hand when she talks. She didn't do that before. I'm looking at her in that negligee now and... Damn. The seizure started a few days ago. When they happen, I can think for myself. I don't know how long it's been. Years. The first time was the first time was the night I buried the stuff in the backyard. That was a warning. I know you guys watch me. You're supposed to. He wants you to. I made sure you watch me digging. Did you get the warning? Why didn't you do anything about it?

1:02:07We felt pretty stupid then. It made perfect sense though. She wanted us to dig it up and at least we could say it's dad's fault. If you're good now, how do you know dad? And what happened to dad's friends sam asked he remembers you from years ago she looks sad when sam asked that i gave him a punch in the arm for making her sad man she looked good just sitting there on the floor i wanted to comfort her she says she can tell we don't believe her it looks like uh it looks like she's about to leave i would we i would like them to uh ease up online i feel like the situation is serious enough now to where even even the horniness of a boy should be it should be done now you know I mean, I give Sam a calm your ass down look and tell her I believe you.

1:02:52She smiles at me, sweet and warm like apple pie. Dad was wrong. I knew it. I'll tell you something I've never been able to tell anyone before. I was just a little girl living in some run-down apartments in Denver. My parents were gone a lot, doing odd jobs. I always noticed this little hole in the wall in my bedroom. Sometimes at night, I hear funny sounds coming out of it, like moans and wails and snickers. Very faint. I believe some of our many strange neighbors were doing it, or their pets, or their televisions. One night, the sound seemed a lot closer than usual. I stared at that hole for hours.

1:03:34You know when you stare at some point in the dark room, how everything around seems to get darker and darker? and suddenly a white face is there looking up at me. It's looking at me from inside the hole. I shrieked but I was too scared to move and my parents were gone so no one was coming to help me. They kept watching me. The hole was the size of a coffee cup. I didn't see his whole face just parts of it at a time. His gritting eyes and nose or his nose and mouth. I just had to imagine the whole face. I didn't like what I imagined. Then it started talking to me saying I should relax and he's just my neighbor and he noticed this strange hole in the wall.

1:04:14I sighed in relief right away. I was still not comfortable with this man looking in my bedroom. At least I understood why this was happening. I told him the hole was there for a long time and he asked if I'd made it. I said no. He asked where my parents were. I told the truth. You still with me? No doubt I had the dumbest look on my face because I'd just been caught enjoying the view. Then I saw she was calling out Sam, not me Show some respect, I told him Then told her to keep going Yeah, I feel like you should That takes me out of the flow Alright, come on When he found out I was alone He said I should come over to his place Come on to the other side He's been my neighbor for a long time, he said I should come over now We just moved into that place a few months ago So I didn't know what he was talking about He said at least come look through the hole I started to go Then I heard him snickering The same sound I heard before.

1:05:10I knew something was wrong with the situation, so I threw a pillow in front of the hole. I didn't hear him for a few seconds. Then he screamed this awful scream like a train breaking. I covered my ears until it stopped. Then I heard a different voice like a crumbling building. You thought it was the dog licking your feet, but it was me. I ran to the kitchen and cried myself to sleep that night. Oh!

1:05:34Oh! What? Fucking licking the tootsies, good God. What dog? I asked. Years before that, we had a little pom-pom, and my feet stick out, and my feet stick off the side of my tiny bed. Sometimes I'd feel these little licks, and I'd giggle and pull my feet in. I never thought about it. I was like four. But you know what? That dog was never allowed in my room. I remembered that then, and I never put it together before, because nothing else seemed possible. I don't think I'd never been so scared in my life than when he told me that. I told my parents what happened. My father talked to the building owner.

1:06:10They came to my room really concerned. Owner just moves the pillow aside, takes a look at the hole, and just like that, he says, my story's made up. My father was getting mad and yelling at the owner. The owner said, I'm a liar because no one lives on the other side of the wall. He can guarantee it because it's not just adjoining wall. It's sheetrock, then brick, then outdoors. Father tells him he doesn't matter. Take down the sheetrock and see what's between the walls. because his daughter doesn't lie. He was my hero. He actually did take the sheetrock down. It was a narrow space. I was a tiny girl, and I would have trouble fitting.

1:06:44No grown man could have been in there. The only thing inside was snakeskin. Ah, dude, these fucking... This snakeskin motif is... Where the fuck is this going? What is happening? What is this creature? Years later, that man found me again. I won't talk about that, but that's what he does. find someone who wants them and he'll wait your whole life for the right moment oh shit okay well fucking dude our protagonist and Sam they need to they need to tell their dad immediately by the way their dad is in trouble that was her story that's some weird shit I told her if that's even half true she needed to run away or she could go to the police but she said he'd be looking for her by now she needed to hide for the night can I stay here just tonight she asked she was so close I could feel the heat from her body I could smell her it wasn't candy this time she smelled like flowers and strawberries I would have told her no if I had a book called how to murder your neighbor and get away with it in her left hand you can stay in my room I said without hesitation Sam looking at me like I just took a dump on his head I think it's because he's still scared of her but he comes up to me when she goes to the bathroom and says why does she have to stay in your room she gave me the panties remember should we do rock paper scissors i had some good motivation this time know what i mean i did rock and it was decided i have a pretty big closet so i set her so i set uh uh so i set her a place to sleep there because his dad saw her that'd be it he sent us to the glue factory she asked if she'd asked if he'd be mad i was like mad you know what it's like to have your own foot broken off in your ass now i said also isn't this like how old is this woman supposed to be first off?

1:08:30I think she's 40, right? Yeah, she's 40. What the fuck is now I set myself down on the bed and tried to sleep. How am I supposed to sleep with all that in my closet? I think I keep thinking of what Darnell said. Megamillion's jackpot in the ass. That's about right. I must have been staring at the ceiling for an hour when I feel her crawl onto the bed next to me. Oh my god. Oh my god. Bruh! It's too good to be true. Run, child! Run! You're still awake? She asked. Too much excitement, I guess. She put her head on my chest and her arm around me. I could feel her breasts pressing against me, so I think about that creepy old man instead.

1:09:15Who is he? I asked. Why me? Why dad? If he has a reason, he doesn't tell me. He goes from town to town. Each place, he takes a kid, usually a teen. and since he got me, he's been focusing on boys. Uses me as a lure. Then we go to the next town. All right, that's a bear trap for me. That is a fucking bear trap. I want a point as well. Rick Sanchez can't get the only bear trap. All right, that is a fucking bear trap. What happens to the kid? He doesn't think like we think. He's in touch with something else outside the natural order. He told me about it once a long time ago when he used to talk more.

1:09:56He said he killed a man in his youth. Went to hide in Canada, deep in the woods there. He found something. Somebody showed him things. He uses the boy somehow. They disappear and he goes on. You're shaking, she said. I had been trying to hide it, but my whole body was like jerking. I couldn't control it. I know. I told her and she started rubbing my chest. He just keeps me in a box. And I hate the box. Do I have to sleep in the closet? Can I stay out here with you? I guess She said she wanted to thank me for helping It's just to thank me that night And she did It was the best thinking I'd ever had And after all the thinking she told me What we really had to do

1:10:44What? What? This has to be a This has to be written by like a 17 year old boy I'm gonna tell you that right now. This is this is probably 100 % written by a 16 year old boy. I'll tell you that right now. She told me what we really had to do. No running. She tells me he'll always run faster. We steal his pills. They're not from the pharmacy. I can tell you that without his pills he's powerless. Can't even make him can't even make more. If we can get in the house and take them we can kill him and I'll be free. Kill him? It's fentanyl. Kill him? If I'm free. I'll have all the time in the world for thanking you more, she said.

1:11:25Okay, this is a fuck - okay. If I'm free, I'll have all the time in the world for thanking you more, she said. Okay, so first off, that - this is person's evil. There is no fucking way - there is - this is the most obvious trap. My boy is blinded. Run away child again. With that, she gave me another sample of her gratitude. I heard the call of booty, and I agreed to her plan.

1:12:01Alright, I heard the call of booty and I will say that's pretty good. I'm going to have to use it on my wife sometime. I heard the call of booty. Okay. So I'm thinking I'll slip out and get them now before it's too late. As I was getting ready by the light from my phone, I hear something. Remember how my mom stays up watching her stories? No, because I thought her mom was fucking... I thought their mom was dead. I didn't even know that she was there. I thought it was just their dad. remember how my mom stays up watching her stories well mom walks in right then to ask what i'm still doing up that she sees the girl i'm embarrassed thinking now my mom's gonna know i was just with this girl and that's my mom and then oh man what about what she tells dad she doesn't say what i expect at all she looks scared to death now let me tell you a little about my mom she's super smart reads like a book a day she used to teach a geology she used to teach geology in school she got burnout she stays home now and keeps to herself she's always been a little different like she could tell you when you're sick before you even feel it so mom sees the girl in bed she puts her hand on my chest and says john baptiste who is this man you know when people say the blood drained out of me i didn't know what that felt like until then i turn around and she still she still looks at the girl to me she still looks like a girl to me but she's smirking Most evil damn smirk I've ever seen.

1:13:19She pulls the cardboard off my window and climbs right out. Still smirking. My arm runs up and hugs me. She hasn't done that to me in like two years. And I cried.

1:13:39The bussy is a dangerous and powerful drug, my friends. my man was my man was in the desert and saw a mirage john baptiste who is this man that is uh that is fucked john baptiste who is this man is a that is that that has to be a creed cast legendary line of my my god the call of bussy is louder than is louder than most my god tricks how was that how was that title of the chapter not tricks my my god hold i feel like the wind is knocked out of me i it's it's one of those things where it's like it's too good to be true it really is obviously but i did not expect the story to go where the guy fucked the old man that is crazy my god

1:14:35old grandpa pussy dude it's fucked up little grandpa bussy wrapped up in depends tricks mom woke dad up sat us all down and she didn't even have to ask for an explanation she just had to look at you me and sand crumpled like a fat man's lawn chair we just uh we just up and told them everything that's the oldest struggle no no man that said after a moment a boy is loyal to to his dad or to his dick. Ordinarily, his dick is going to live longer. Except I haven't decided how I'm to deal with you yet. So that's up in the air. He was saying his normal mad threats. Also, I just want to say, cracking a joke, I just want to say to the author, I am emotionally swinging.

1:15:16All right? I am emotionally swinging. The dad, we're still cracking jokes. And Jean Baptiste just fucked an old man. Fucked bussy like a couple times. He got sucked and fucked by an old man. I mean, we're still cracking jokes. I'm just going to say that. We're still cracking jokes about. All right? He was saying his normal mad threats, but this wasn't Dad when he's mad. He was more disappointed. I don't know. Never seen him like this. We say we're sorry and we mean it. He takes me aside and tells me it's too late for sorry. Once that thing got your juice, you're marked.

1:15:54How do you know that, Daddy? How do you know about... juice. I started to get offensive like, Dad, she's innocent. You've seen that creep yourself with the wood chisel. She's under a spell. I'm thinking we can rescue her and maybe even stop that man before he hurts anyone else. Dad's just shaking his head like I'm trying to order a McDouble at a Burger King. Remember that time at the barbershop you were going across? I told him that I remembered so he would stop there. Okay, do you remember the time you almost got on that school bus and I stopped you? I barely remembered that. It's not something I thought much about.

1:16:29As I remembered it, I was around 9 or 10 and Sam was 6 or 7. I remember this woman waking us up to go to school. She said she was the babysitter. That wasn't anything strange. She was strange. But we just did what we got told. Got ready and headed out to wait for the bus. The babysitter standing beside us on the porch and not saying anything. This part is what I remember best. When the bus pulls up, she starts hitting her head against the porch post and groaning.

1:16:59The bus wasn't like our normal school bus either. It was white. And one of the short buses. Me and Sam were going to it because what else could we do? And never could see the driver. Suddenly, we see Dad drive up and come running out of his car. We're surprised because he's supposed to be at work. He's yelling for us to stop and he grabs us when he catches up. The bus driver... The bus drives off right away. So, we think we did something wrong. But Dad lets us watch TV the rest of the day. and that's what I remember most. Something weird happened and the dad let us watch cartoons all day long.

1:17:33One of my favorite memories. It was Memorial Day, he said. There was no school that day. Oh my God. Okay, I just want to say, I just want to say this story, I'll tell you what, the little reveals are haymakers, all right? The little, the little, the reveals are haymakers. I'm not going to lie. This is right when I think that like some of the sex and like the jokes or whatever, it just, it pulls you back in with something. Also, if it's a white, if it's a white short bus, does, did anyone else just think that it was just like a white van? I feel like, I feel like I'm in my mind. I'm just picturing like a Chevy, like a Chevy white van.

1:18:14They never found that bus. Nobody knew who the babysitter was and she wouldn't talk. I guess the police, I guess the police picked her up. mom and dad really did have to work and there really was a babysitter the fake one told the real one to get lost but you know the thing that freaked me out the most the thing that freaked me out the most learning this it's not just what would have happened to me or Sam if we got on the bus it's that I know I saw some kids already on that bus

1:18:49bruh oh my god dude when when the fuck is the author gonna let me take a minute dude my god i feel like this is round three in a boxing event like i i am i'm gassed dude holy shit once you get marked i think they got a claim on your offspring like it's theirs dad said i know i ain't the only fool that dipped in that oh my god jesus i know i'm not i know i ain't the only fool that dipped in that but they're not having my kids now you've gone and made sure you live with the same shit I did I gotta make sure you can't have no kids right now please tell me this is not like a Tommy Taffy thing this is this is this is this is slowly slowly becoming a Tommy Taffy situation if the dad and Tommy Taffy fuck Tommy I think I think dad could see he got to me I was near tears not just because I'm remembering what happened it was just thinking that one bad choice could ruin my kids lives hi I plan on having kids someday.

1:19:48He puts his big hand on my shoulder. That hands always feels like it weights about 20 pounds. He says, I just need to get, I just need to get to school and he'll take care of it. Dad, you're like 52. All right. And nothing has happened. I don't trust you to solve this. I don't trust the dad to do anything. What has the dad done yet? Oh, just go to school. Your dad will take care of it. How about no dad? How about you fuck yourself? Okay. Then you're going to tell me what really happened with you and Red? Because we both know that he just confessed to getting it on with the woman and he very much admitted that detail from the original version of the story.

1:20:24Get on to school for now, he says. Wait, so hold on. Hold on. Let me just make sure. Am I really... The guy was sitting on the bed. Are we to assume that the kid still had sex with, like, some woman who was under a spell that I'm guessing was the same woman that was on the porch? or is this, or was it that even the dad doesn't realize that he had sex with the guy? So it is the dude. Okay. So I'm guessing that I'm guessing the dad doesn't realize too, that he, that he also, I guess that the dad also dipped it in. So the, both of the, so both his son and the dad have, have gotten to experience like devilish grand pussy.

1:21:08Okay. I meet Sam at our street as we're both coming home from school. we can see dad's car in the driveway inside we find mom in her back room reading dad ain't anywhere in the house I just want to say too it is odd how calm the mom is both the mom and dad have got me questioning things why is the mom still just reading Junie B. Jones in the back god damn room like nothing's happening didn't she just see that her son got done dicking down an old man and even her husband is just like yeah put my dipstick in that a couple times and the oil clean. I mean, why is no one else reacting? You know? Inside we find mom in her back room reading dad ain't anywhere in the house.

1:21:52We ask mom what's up, but she doesn't know. She's been lone wolfing again. She gets worried when she sees our faces, so we have to fill her in. She keeps asking more questions, so we have to keep answering. By the time she's done judge-juditing us, she knows just about everything there is to know. I've never heard of Red Finny she said you just believe everything that man tells you they'd call your dad red on account of how he charged you when he played hold on a second what I never heard of Red Finny she said you believe anything that man tells you they call your dad red on account of how he charged you when he played what

1:22:38there is no there is no fucking way the dad is right i figured it's just some lore from dad's life she forgot so we show her the pictures of red finney with the jacket she says they all she says they all had that jacket back then the boy in the picture was phil mccoy and no one ever called him red oh no i said because i knew where dad was i took off running to the neighbor's house Sam was right behind me We didn't care what creepy shit was in that house Dad says a lot of colorful things Dad says a lot of colorful sayings I know it seems like he's mad all the time But Sam and me both know he'd do anything for us Even die He made me the guy I am today All the good parts anyway He's just the most amazing person I know Dude what the fuck are you talking about What I mean What he's the most amazing guy I know Motherfucker Has he just been lying to you this whole time I don't know if I like the dad, if I may not.

1:23:32So the dad, I don't know if I'm on board with the dad. All right? So I'm thinking I'm going to kick in the door like in the movies, except it isn't even locked. We just open the door and walk in. First thing I notice, it doesn't smell like burnt sugar no more. It smells more like old socks and jock straps. Oh, he's been fucking. It's real dark inside, everything covered in white cloth. There's handprints on the walls, but they're down low, like someone was crawling around on their belly. JB, why are those fingers so long? Sam asked. Let's not ask questions. Let's not ask any more questions, I said.

1:24:06We come to one room at the end of the downstairs hall where we can hear flies buzzing around inside. There's got to be thousands of them to make that noise. Sam looks at me like he's about to open it, but I stop him. That could be in there, he says. I just know I got a real bad feeling about that room, like almost making me sick going near it. I tell him to trust me, and he does. Thank God. We went back to where the staircase went up. We could hear voices. We tensed up at first, ready for a fight, until we recognized the voices. They were our own. What? We got nearer and could hear what we were saying.

1:24:42Sam saying, You see the titties on that? Bet you wish you picked this room. And me saying, We're spending a lot of quality time together. Inside that room, the wall was just full of monitors, like a control room or something. They were all playing some video from inside our home. One monitor even showed me and Sam as kids playing with toy swords. I never saw that video before. I think there was blood on one of the monitors. I didn't tell Sam. I didn't want to lose hope. We left that room and went across. This was the room Darnell described. The old TV and the couch. And someone's sitting on the couch.

1:25:19I almost screamed when I saw it. I slowly walked forward. Then my eyes adjusted. There's no way it was the creepy old man. I didn't know who it was. It was just a middle-aged black man, just eating oatmeal and watching some black and white TV show. Sir? I say. Don't put me in the dark. Don't put me in the dark. Don't put me back. And he kept saying that last part. He didn't sound scared, but there was no feeling to it. He just kept saying the words, eating oatmeal and watching a show. I shake his shoulder and tell him that we're looking for my dad. Thad? he went upstairs now he's gone gone where into the dark we talk about too much it's liable to come get you you want to see a trick he put his hands up to his head and the TV turned off I couldn't see a remote anywhere pretty cool huh we nodded remember how you'd fall asleep watching Aladdin he asked remember how you'd fall asleep watching Aladdin bad for the power bill Want to see another trick?

1:26:25Sam started tugging my hand at that point. I don't think he wanted to see another trick. I know for sure I didn't. He put his hand on his head again and screamed. As soon as he did, my phone started ringing. It was my dad. Dad was calling. I told the dude to shut up and he stopped screaming. I answered him. Both me and Sam were calling to him, asking where he was. On the other end, all I heard was hissing. Nobody ever spoke. Where's dad? I asked the man again. I bunched my hand to a fist because I was about ready to get some answers from this a-hole. He put his hands up to his hand. Oh, okay. I think he puts his hands together.

1:26:59You don't want to see this trick. I followed Sam out. I followed Sam out and downstairs. The buzzing had left that one room. So did my bad feeling. Inside was just a pile of tar on the floor and a dead snake. More crazy voodoo shit, I thought. We looked in every room of that house now. Dad wasn't inside. We told mom and together we made a police report. Police told us they'd look into it, but our dad, an adult, but our dad, an adult, and if he chose to run off with a sexy neighbor, that makes him a jerk, not a criminal. I couldn't believe they saw it that way. I couldn't believe they saw it that way.

1:27:37They didn't know dad at all. Plus the house next door wasn't officially occupied, they said. A couple from Vancouver owned it. They leave it empty until they fly down in the winter for a few months. So they figured dad had his mistress just chilling there. I What What the fuck is going on Okay Couldn't you just I mean like Okay so They get there And the guy is gone Whatever But couldn't you take Hey there's a guy in there And he's like fucking Tapping his head And turning on TVs And calling my dad Or whatever There's a goddamn dead snake And tar in there Hello What is happening I don't know Energy About two weeks After dad went missing Is when the white dudes In the suit Showed up at the front door Don't want to deal with no Jehovah Witnesses with all that's going on.

1:28:21They were something else. They show up with their badges that say, Department of Energy. They're asking to speak with John Baptiste, and I say that's me. They come right in without asking. They sat on the couch, like really close to each other. Their hands were touching. It was weird. Like, there's plenty of room, guys. Then they started asking questions. They want to know everything about everything that's been happening. I'm not sure what I should tell them. I don't know these guys. I don't like it much either. I just tell myself if there's any chance they can help with Dad, I should tell them everything.

1:28:54I do just that. The full crazy. Not one turd of batshit left out of it. They don't look surprised or nothing, like I was telling them about last night's game. You know what they're more interested in? The box. Did you see the box? He asked. I tell them no. I didn't see it. And could you have seen this box and not been aware of it? And I was like, if I wasn't aware of it, then I wouldn't know if I've seen it or not. So that's a yes. It's a no. They each pulled a Capri Sun from their inside pockets, stabbed it with a little straw, and started sucking. What adults drink Capri Sun? Then they say, Have you or anyone in your family had sexual contact with entities residing next door?

1:29:40It's funny because I heard entities as them titties. I know that sounds childish, but they said it funny. What? Like they wanted me to hear titties. They didn't seem like something the Department of Energy would do, though. I ignored it. Because that one small detail had indeed left out of my account. They had no business knowing that. Are you guys here to help find my dad? I straight up asked them. They answered with, where is he? I tell them I don't know. That's why he's missing. They look at each other and grab hands like they were some buddy cop movie. They finished their Capri Sun and politely returned to their own pockets.

1:30:19Listen, Jean-Baptiste, one says. Did you get a grasp on the identities of the neighbors? Again, identities was pronounced as I like them titties. I dim titties, we get it. I told them that they know all I know already and that half of it was probably bullshit. Don't be a boob, the other said. Best thing to do is cooperate. it might be tituous but take a moment try to jug your memories it's losing me dude this is this is just like that that's how they said it now now i knew they were dicking with me but they look so serious like crazy serious i don't know if they'd ever smile in their lives serious it wasn't no prank or joke they were just trying to get under my skin or mess with my head or something it was working too.

1:31:08I was thinking of her big soft breast and feeling guilty about it. Then they asked if they could use the bathroom. They went together. And you know what? I never saw them again. There's no way out of that house except windows. None of the windows were opened. Didn't look like they'd been to the bathroom either. Just not sure how they did it. But they just fucked off. Sam came downstairs a minute or so later. He'd been asleep. He'd been sleeping a lot since dad went missing. Guess that's how he handles it. He says, JB, who the hell are those dudes in your room? So we run upstairs and there's nobody there.

1:31:43No way to get out except them stairs. You hallucinating? Two dudes in suit just walked right into your room before I ran down. They were smiling real wide, but there were a sign above the door saying, this way for blowjobs. That's another weird thing. To get upstairs, they would have had to come back out from where the downstairs bathroom is and walk by me. But that never happened. I don't know how they got up there or where they went. We searched every inch of the home to make sure they weren't hiding. Only finding, uh, only thing I found was a business card. They left it on my pillow. Days later, I'm still thinking they're going to pop out when I'm in the shower.

1:32:22I don't know who those guys really were. I don't know what they want from me. Pretty sure they ain't department of anything. Pretty sure they won't be helping me or dad either. The next day, I was driving home from the grocery store and I see the middle-aged guy from the house. Red Finney, I guess I'll call him. He's walking real slow along the sidewalk, shuffling, really. I pull up to him and say, Hey, you need to tell the police what you know. Where's my dad? He keeps shuffling along. Like I'm not even there. So now I'm starting to get mad. I'm yelling at this guy. This lady runs out of the apartment and is like, Excuse me?

1:32:55What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are? I tell her this creep knows what happened to my dad and he won't say anything. She says, Mr. Turley has advanced dementia. He barely knows where he is, let alone your dad. Leave him alone. She tells him, come on inside, Mr. Turley. Some people just don't understand. Is this not one of your tricks? I ask. The man darts his hand into my car and grabs my phone from my pocket so fast, I almost didn't notice. He starts messing around with it while I'm trying to grab it back. Then he holds it out like he's giving it back. And I see he's got a sly look.

1:33:29I grab it anyways. When I do, he pulls me close to him. He smells like mothballs and rotten meat, and he whispers, Call your dad tonight. Midnight. The lady says, Mr. Turley, you want us to take your lights away, do you? Get inside. I watch them walk away, and I can't help but notice the lady nurse. She's got this nice fat butt with a tiny waist, a pumpkin ass, like Darnell says, and fine legs, too. I'm looking her up and down, and I see she's got snake tattoos on her ankles. Kind of sexy. kind of sexy except then i think of all the snakes from that house she turns backs and gives me uh then she uh she looks at me uh just then and i exaggerate and i exaggerate when i say it looked like she wanted to stick a butcher knife in my face i drive the hell out of there it's like it's like a weird fucking like pennywise it's a weird pennywise creature or something i don't know this whole thing though of uh the continuous callbacks to how sexy the thing is is is getting a bit fatiguing as I'm realizing we're almost two hours into this.

1:34:33That night, Sam and I watched the clock tick down to midnight. We did what we wanted now. Mom didn't care how late we stayed up. She just hid with her books. Why in all these stories, I feel like you see it a lot in children's stories where the parents are just super incompetent and it feels like that. It's time. Sam shouted. I dialed the number. We dialed many times since dad disappeared. We'd fill up his voicemail. We'd ask for the phone to be traced unsuccessfully. This time, for the first time, it rang. It rang and rang and rang. He's not gonna answer, JB, Sam said, sounding more discouraged than ever.

1:35:10Let me try again, and I did. He kept ringing again, but this time someone answered. Dad? There's no answer. It's not silent either. We can hear breathing in some kind of activity. then dad's voice singing he's singing phenomenal cat he used to sing that song to us all the time when we were little exactly like that we're trying to talk to him the whole time but he just keeps singing like it's a recording so we give up we just listen to him sing and then the phone hangs up we tried calling it back we tried calling back and it went straight to voicemail we told the please, but they still believe he ran away with his neighbor.

1:35:54We told him about the Department of Energy too, and they politely told us to get lost. Thea! Sing it, Hunter. I don't know what, what, I wonder what a phenomenal cat. It's a phenomenal cat. Meow. Look at him go. He jumps. Meow. He rolls. Meow. He sings.

1:36:21He's a phenomenal cat And he's here To brighten your day There you go, phenomenal cat My dad's sister came down from Michigan To help find dad and help my mom cope She really was there to take us back I guess all of our family agreed we couldn't handle that house by ourselves and she had us pack up what we needed put it in her van and drove me sam and mom to stay with her since we've been staying with aunt thea nothing at all happened strange no department of energy no creepy old men no snakes no titties neither i almost forgot uh i almost forgot what normal was like kind of boring but cool too i'm okay with it but i miss dad so much he's gonna make me wear my balls for earrings who's gonna make me wear my balls for earrings or whip me with my own dick who's gonna get mad at me because i scratched myself in a funny way he's out there somewhere i feel it i didn't know how aunt thea i didn't know aunt thea too well she and dad didn't have a good relationship i guess because he never talked about her and she never visited she was practically a stranger mom needed the help though so she took it once we'd been with aunt thea for a month or so i started to trust her she was good to me and sam and she listened to us she took the she took the time to get to know us she said good things about dad so a little bit at a time we told her about what had happened she never once said it didn't she never once said she didn't believe us one day anthea told us that she remembers when she and dad were both teens and he came running into the house at night and he looked scared of his mind she thought uh she thought right away that he got himself involved with gangs or some or some such.

1:38:10Some shit. I don't know. She rolls up her magazine and gives him a good hit with it. He got mad, she said, but at least he's not scared anymore. She tells him that what he gets... You tell him that's what he gets from messing with gangs. It ain't gangs at all, though. There's something really wrong with the people in that big house. She tells him he needs to relax. They're just circus people. Dad's like, what the hell are you talking about? Anthea tells me, but sure enough, I remember seeing them put on a magic show. I think it was at like the circus, this old man and a woman. She looked like she was in a daze the whole time.

1:38:46He had her high behind a curtain. Seconds later, she walked out of a door on the other side of the other side of the stage. They were good. I thought they're good. I thought I had it figured out that she had a twin. Then they took a volunteer. They had them go inside this box. They pretend that they lost him after that. The box was empty. The young guy wasn't around nowhere. And finally, they go and find him in the box again. It made my hair stand on end because I swear to Jesus, I don't normally swear at all, that what came out of that box was not the same boy at all. Looked just like him, but it wasn't him.

1:39:21I knew that boy and that wasn't him. Or if it was him, he'd lost something. He left town right after that. Some folks said he'd seen things in that box, that it took him somewhere awful. Other folks laughed and said the magician paid him real well. Now that's what they all call, now that's what they call digression. What I really want to tell you is what happened the next day. Your dad goes off with his friends up to this, up to their mischief. They stay at home like I usually do. That lady from the circus comes by knocking on her front door in person. And she's so beautiful. I remember thinking that face, I remember thinking that face like a heart, big eyes, lashes fanning out like a wood nymph.

1:40:04I was predisposed to think unkindly towards her. However, I can't tell you why. She says your dad left us something in her house and she knows, uh, and she shows me his watch. It was a gift from our father. He ought to be ashamed for losing it. She asked if she can come in and give it to him. Watch a lot of cop shows. I know a little about looking around. I fancy myself a detective, so I gave her a good look over. And you think a girl like that wouldn't cast the finest shadow you ever saw? Uh, it wasn't. Her shadow was tall, lank, and bent over like a wet scarecrow. There's no angle or light that can make this girl cast that shadow.

1:40:39Oh, that's sick. I believe the devil can take any shape. So when I saw that, I grabbed the watch and told her to never set foot on the home again. She laughed and said she goes where she pleases. She said that, but that was the last time I saw her. That's kind of sick, dude. Sam and me would talk to Aunt Thea a lot after that. She's just sharing ideas about what happened. Thinking things through. We didn't have a cork board with string or nothing, but we were a little team trying to solve a mystery, keeping each other honest. Having someone you love missing is a strange thing. You have to go back to living your life sometimes.

1:41:13Being normal and then you feel guilty because you spent some time living when they might be out there waiting for you to save them. That's how it felt. It's not the same as if dad died. He was out there still. Even after months passed, I believed he was out there. We never stopped our meetings. we even named the group The Finders. We didn't do much of any finding, though. More just looking. We searched the internet for clues for hours and hours, and there was nothing. You'd think someone else out there had the same story, but nothing. We had no leads, no further research. So, what did we spend our time doing?

1:41:52Just talking about it. Analyzing the experiences. It was like their therapy. It was like therapy and theorizing. like philosophy or something. Aunt Thea would listen and give us hints and guide our thinking in one direction and then tell us why that made sense or didn't make sense. Like, is that lady a demon? Well, maybe let's think about it. Demons want you to damn yourself and she wanted, well, there was another topic. What did she want? She's got dad. Is that all she wanted? Does she have to dig naked in her backyard for that? Does she have to rub her, uh, them, does she have to rub the titties over to get her dad?

1:42:33And aunt Thea would ask questions like, so you grab my rice crispy squares when you want to watch a movie. What's them squares got to do with watching a movie? So I guess that the point is she wanted dad, but I was a snack on. We went lots of looking, no real finding. We decided that we were all people once bad people and some, and something happened to them. We decided they were all people once, bad people, and that something happened to them. But Sam said they're aliens, and maybe he's right. It helped. It helped. As therapy, it helped. We were doing something. We were understanding what happened to us.

1:43:10Understanding it. Anthea said we could master it, control it. I wasn't sure how, but she was convincing. We finally had a big breakthrough after months. It was completely unexpected and only happened... we we finally had a we finally had a big breakthrough after months it was completely unexpected and only happened thanks to sam thanks to sam being a little pervert that is we were reviewing the events again and we got to help we got the dad and we got the help me message aunt thea was asking more and more questions like are you sure it was eyeliner should it have been ash and such and that's when sam revealed it i still have the panties want me to bring him We managed to sneak them out of my room and keep them with his stuff, even after we traveled.

1:43:54He told no one until this very day. When he saw us staring, he looked ashamed and admitted that he liked the smell. A little pervert. Just go get them, Anthea said. Sam offered them to her, but she backed away like they were made of buttholes and plutonium. Just put them on the table, she said. Anyone touching them will be under its power. Sam and I exchanged a look. We heard a lot from Anthea and never hinted that she was a Santeria. Santeria? What the fuck does that mean? Santeria. Santeria, or Regula de Ocha, is an Afro-Cuban religion blending Yoruba beliefs with Catholicism, focusing on relations with demons, called Orishas for guidance and protection.

1:44:37Okie dokie. This is powerful, she announced. JB, I want you to go to my bedroom look under the bed where you'll see a wooden box about the size of your Xbox handle it from the sides and bring it to me you got it? how do we know this isn't the old man? how do we know this isn't the old man with the box? hello? I'm almost positive that hey bear trap is prepped I'd never been in a room before at this point I expect to see chicken feet and shrunken heads but nah, it was just a normal older lady's bedroom. Eww! I found the box right away. When I got back, she had moved Sam back against the wall and was walking in a circle around the table.

1:45:19She ordered me to place the box on the floor next to Sam. She came over to the box, squatted down to open it, and pulled out an old MP3 player. I only know because I had one when I was five. She plugged it in, then hooked it up to a little speaker set that was also in the box. What is that? Sam asked. it's how it's how jesus listened to music i said suddenly smooth criminal was blasting as loud as those little speakers could manage i'll be able to tell you where they are she shouted you have to leave i saw her sit in the chair against the wall and close her eyes she was muttering something as we left while while michael jackson checked out on any status we left while fuck i saw her sit in a chair against the wall and close her eyes she was muttering something as we left while Michael Jackson checked out Annie's status.

1:46:08Sam and I didn't know how long this would take. It's not like she told us much. So we just hovered around the door for a while. I gave Sam crap about the panties while we waited. I'm surprised they weren't crusty. He didn't reply. He just waited with his head down. After 30 minutes, we got tired of it and did other things. Then we went to bed. Anthea still hadn't come out of that room in the morning. We could still hear Smooth Criminal on repeat. Sam went to knock, but I shook my head. Turns out he didn't need to knock anyway. The music stopped right then. She came stumbling out of the room, all sweaty and coughing.

1:46:43We had to help her downstairs. She drank three full bottles of water and ate all the Pop-Tarts right out of the box. What happened? They're here, she said. In Detroit. Just the kind of mocker I expect to... Just the kind of mockery I expect of such as... What? Hunter, what the fuck is wrong with your brain? My God. In Detroit. Just the kind of mockery I expect of such as those. Go upstairs. You'll find a powder on the table where the object was. Don't touch it. Just put it on one of my mason jars. Just put it in one of my mason jars. Just put it one... I feel like there's typos. Just put it in one of my mason jars.

1:47:21Then in half a cup of milk. Wait. Okay. Hunter, I need... I need my fentanyl. My God. Go upstairs. You'll find powder on the table where the object was. Don't touch it. Just put it in one of my mason jars. Then add half a cup of milk. Okay, baby? Okay. I never really like the baby comment. This is a witch, all right? By object, you mean panties, I asked. Her reply, boy. She was dad's sister. Off I went again to follow her instructions. I asked Sam to stick with her just in case. I didn't understand what was going on, but I trusted Anthea completely. When I went into the room, there was a dead snake where the panties had been.

1:48:05It was surrounded with red powder. I used an old envelope to scrape the powder into a mason jar. When I added milk to it, it was bubbled and turned to blood, or it looked like blood. They made a mistake, Anthea said when we saw it. Sam and I were anxious to do something. We couldn't contain ourselves, but Anthea insisted we had to be patient. Impulse got us into this. It ain't going to get us out, she said. The jar had to sit for a week, so we had to go about our regular lives. Plus, we had math homework to do. And she said, we better do it. The seven days. We halted all finder meetings at Aunt Thea's request, using that time to do homework instead.

1:48:46She especially wanted us to do our math work. Math clears the mind, she said. The first day of that week, I heard a strange noise outside my window. A sickening, warbling sound. I ran to the window thinking something was out there dying. What I saw was a box just sitting in the backyard. A wardrobe-sized rectangle. Its door was open. I couldn't see anything inside. It was the blackest block. I went downstairs to the den window for a closer look. Anthea and Sam were already there. Already starting, huh? She said. I don't like that thing, Sam said. it's just a box I said patting Sam on the shoulder but I knew better I knew the moment I saw it just by feel it was the box the box Anthea told us about the box that bitch told me he kept her in the box the Capri side the mud the box that Capri Sun guys wanted if only Anthea said damn thing got bigger since I last saw it listen here boys they don't like what we're up to and they're about to do everything in their power to stop it and with that box they got a lot of power it's going to be the longest seven days since the lord created all things what do we do i asked do your math we thought she was kidding but she but she shut that down you're going to do your math homework you're not going to get you're not going to get ahead while you're at it uh you're going to get ahead while you're at it so hit the books before dinner when i couldn't take any more equations.

1:50:12I came down for a walk around. Smell what was cooking. Sam was standing in the den after staring out the window. What are you doing? I asked. Watching it, he said. It gets darker sometimes. Not possible. It is. Something in there is darker yet and when it moves, you can see. He looked and he was hypnotized staring at the box. The last time we started to, uh, the last time we stared too hard at something, it started this whole mess. Knock that off, I said and closed the curtains. I had to hold him back when he tried to reopen the curtains. I'd never seen him like that. Stop! If I don't keep watching, something will happen!

1:50:54He got past me and flung the curtains open. And when he did, we caught a glimpse of some hunched figure in all black tiptoeing out of sight around the corner. What was that? Sam asked. Steve Urkel, I said. But we didn't laugh. we told aunt Thea what we saw he said or she said mm-hmm go do your math so I did algebra 2 and Sam did trigonometry but we waited for something to happen the only thing that happened was dinner it took me a long time to fall asleep that night I kept wondering what was coming next night was always when Miss Booba would get up to something sure enough as soon as I nodded off I heard a whisper JP?

1:51:37Sam? I turn on the lamp. A frog was on the floor by my bed. It opens its mouth and I heard, JP? I jumped on the bed and covered my feet. The frog stared at me with its cold eyes. JP, it's your dad. Quit being a pussy and help me out of the box. I can speak to you through this frog. You have to hurry. How do I know you're my dad? I asked. Remember? It whispered. Remember that time I took you fishing out on the lake? I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes. You always wanted to go fishing. And I even let you make your own fly. We were supposed to catch trout. And we kept catching frogs after frog.

1:52:19That's why I used a frog. So you'd know. I remember that day. That day you were thinking. Why did God want me to have so many frogs? Who saw you be ready for this day? Frog day. Bring the jar of blood to the box and give me count. None of that had ever happened. Only the lake had been right. A lucky guess. So I picked up my shoe to kill the damn thing. Stop! I'm in here, the frog and my little babies. It was her voice, still whispering. But I could tell it was her. It was like she was in the room with me. I guess she was. Just in a frog. You put your babies in me, remember?

1:53:04You got me pregnant, JB. And you filled me up. Did you kill your babies? Their grandpa likes them. They like to move. He moves with them. We're always moving around. Moving, moving, moving, little baby bugs. Oh my god. Good fucking lord. I knew it, uh, I knew it, uh, I threw the shoe and I missed. The frog leaped out the window. I know I had never opened that window. When I went to shut it, I saw a face staring up at me from the box. It wasn't the woman or the old man. Something else. I felt dizzy and sick when I saw it. It vanished almost right away. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep, so I went downstairs, and Aunt Thea had a slice of pie ready for me and my math book.

1:53:51I fell asleep on the couch with the algebra book on my... With the algebra book on... Where the... I fell back... I fell asleep on the couch with the algebra book on my... Algebra book on my lap. Fuck sakes. I woke up to see Sam staring out the window again. Stop looking at it, I told him. He was pissing me off now. I couldn't sleep, he said without turning around. Anthea's dogs kept licking my feet all night. Uh, but that's right. You don't got a dog. The god, the goddamn licking of the dog. Good lord. It is just like my aunt in San Diego. It is so gross. It's so nasty. god damn it the day went the uh the day went much the same as the previous day sam's stared up sam stared obsessively we ate meals kept the doors locked and we were forced to study a lot of math sam and i camped out in his bedroom that night we wanted to stick together with no view of the box jb are you awake sam asked when i was almost asleep jesus sam i am now the thing's been putting ideas in my head what when i look at the box it puts thoughts it puts thoughts in me that aren't mine.

1:55:01It showed me what it did to you that night with the titty woman. She put creatures in your body. Oh my god. My heart just about skipped a beat. No, Sam. I put something in her. After that, she did something to you. When you're 40, you'll see. Stop! Told me it'll turn you into a chair. You'll still be alive and you'll be still and you'll still be yourself, but nobody will know. You'll just see a chair and sit on you or drag gear round you'll be alive and starving and tired but you can't die can you imagine being a chair if we get them that jar they'll fix it it's a lie show me other things he started saying but i put my hands over my mouth go to sleep or i swear that was the night sam started sleepwalking aunt thea caught him about uh anthea caught him about to open the back door so day three uh so day three the plan is aunt thea locks us in the room but i wasn't going to wait for night three i i asked aunt thea what happens if we just stop all of this give them the jar and tell them the fuck off maybe they're never going to leave you alone she said maybe for now but not for but not forever and you'll never get your dad back i just thought would dad want me to risk sam's life for this?

1:56:15My dad never. He slapped my ears for even having to ask. I trusted Aunt Thea. I did, but she didn't know everything. I already learned all of algebra too, I told her when she wanted me to do more math. That's it. I hit the limit. Funny you mentioned limits, she replied, because I'd like to introduce you to the differential calculus. In the den, you'll find a textbook from when I was in college from when I was a college girl. It's still good. Calculus don't change. I went to Sam at the window where he was staring. Tears were running down his face and his eyes were full of blood. His lips were moving rapidly.

1:56:54I could hear him saying some of the ideas they were putting in his mind. I made up my mind right then. I'm sorry. I told him and kissed his forehead. He didn't move. So while Aunt Thea thought I was doing calculus and while mom stayed in her room reading her Kindle all day and while sam got his ideas put in his head i pulled out the business card i'd saved and called the department of energy and within an hour a u-haul painted black pulled into anthea's driveway a bunch of white men in dark gray suits jumped out the back what'd you do anthea asked me the men stood in a circle around the box each holding up a smartphone looking thing and they walked in a circle around the box i heard that weird sound again the sickening warble then the men took the box back to the u-haul while they were doing that the jar of blood exploded and the blood inside burned a hole in aunt thea's kitchen table we could have made it she said never see that box again now sam wasn't doing his math i told her we left at that sam hasn't spoken to me since he understands what i did and he resents me for it so that's the story of how i grew up how i became a man took responsibility and made everyone hate me i thought about killing myself a few times since then of all people of all people the one who kept me from ending it was mom she put her hand on my shoulder and said dad be so proud of you then she added too bad we're in that box not a day goes by i don't think of that

1:58:29Oh god You know

1:58:35It's Crashing out by yourself is such a different experience. I feel like around the halfway mark, I was pretty... I was feeling the fatigue, like the humor was hitting me. And then it just seemed like... It's one of those things. I mean, it's the classic creepypasta conundrum where it's like an interesting idea or a spooky hook that goes absolutely fucking nowhere. And now it's just this, like, a slog of an ending. And then you can obviously tell that people they had no idea what the fuck to do so they're just like and it's done i don't know and they're they're in the box that's it bye bye but i will say halfway i think for about an hour and 15 minutes i have been in full-blown panic attack mode reading this the the like i kind of like the idea at first where it was like oh they're using the humor of like a kid wanting like Like, you know, a fucking teenage boy in high school wanting sex, whatever, from a hot woman that lives next door.

1:59:40And he used that as a hook to propel you into a fun story. But God, it just like, it just never fucking ended, man. It just never, it never ended. And then we just crescendoed. I was just, you know, and the thing too is I could sit there and be in nitpick the entire thing and be in this spot where it's like, well, you know, you could just sit there and make this a four hour long recording just complaining the whole time but uh i don't know i just i was powering through to see if there was anything it's weird too though there were so many moments where it was like a fun hook or a fun jab you know i mean so many like little moments but the dog looking feet oh boy getting grand bussy you know all that stuff.

2:00:30A lot of little things. I didn't understand that there was just a lot of stuff where I'm like, what the fuck is this supposed to mean? Like the whole idea of the, uh, the whole idea of like the snake doesn't really go anywhere. The mom felt, the mom felt useless unless the mom had always been just a part of the voodoo ritual experience. Like the bus didn't make sense. Also the energy people. I thought that was just I guess it is supposed to be the dude. It's supposed to be the old man, I'm pretty sure. And then he was able to get out of there while they were doing the spell or something. But this whole idea of she's listening to Michael Jackson for a day and a half it's just all really what the fuck was I don't know.

2:01:18I feel lost. I'm very curious to see what the general audience instincts, but I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know. And the Capri sun thing, like those little details where it's like, I can't tell if like these little details were like, it's taking elements of your memories or your experience and trying to, it's like fabricating people and ideas just off of like things that it's monitored you. But like, I don't know. I don't know. Also the dementia dude. It's just, it seems like is every person this is every person this child is interacting with is just this entity this tommy taffy-esque entity i don't know oh i feel like the beginning i got uh at the beginning i was kind of bought in on how silly and fun it was and then it just kind of kept getting and to say that it got weird as a bad thing i don't think that's the bad thing it just like it just got nonsensical to the point where I don't know.

2:02:19It feels like a kid wrote it or whatever. I don't know. I don't fucking know. This is usually the part where Isaiah will say nice things and then I get to kind of like you know be I get put into a spot where I'm like, oh, I guess that's true. You know, oh, that's a fair point or something like that. But now you just have fucking negative Nancy and I'm like, what the fuck was that, dude? I mean, I'm like I don't know. I don't know. At least we got to have my mom talk about what she would do if boys were trying to look at her titties. That was kind of fun. So at least we got that. That's not horrible.

2:02:52But you know what? It's a story. We had some nice, fun laughs out of it. There were some fun, spooky moments. But it just falls into the very classic. It falls into the classic category of, I have a fun idea and I have no way to execute this idea. So I'm just going to throw a bunch of random shit at the end and it'll be wrapped up quickly because I'm bored or I just don't want to do it anymore. So there it is. Uh, thank you guys for hanging out and jamming with me so long. I know this was kind of a longer recording today, but, uh, this will be the one that's up on the act on the YouTube channel, but I just figured I would stream it here just so I could have somebody talk to you with it or, you know, have something.

2:03:30Uh, so thank you so much to my beautiful Patreon chat for keeping me company here. And then also thank you to all the people who are on Spotify and Apple podcasts and all that jazz and give us a nice rating. It really does help us out and I appreciate it. Uh, until next time, guys, hopefully Isaiah will be joining us again. Like I said, we need the dynamic duo until then stay creeped. Bye-bye.

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