Jiminy Crickets

0:01So for the past four months, since June, the studio that we usually use at WUNC in Chapel Hill, where we have been recording the show for 10 years, is being renovated in the studio. So I haven't been at WUNC. I've been in a studio that I basically made off the side of my garage and converted this room, which has worked really well. I think it worked better than any of us thought it was going to work until about two weeks ago. And two weeks ago, I would say something biblical started happening in this room. and it started out, I just thought, what is that? And I didn't really know what was happening, but then people who were in Zoom meetings with me or I'd be with someone and we'd be doing an interview and they'd kind of chat to me, Phoebe, what is it?

0:59I'm hearing a chirp. And I said, oh, I don't know. It's just outside. And they said, okay. And it really escalated.

1:12That was a little bit of one of our recent bonus episodes, which you get when you subscribe to Criminal Plus. We're having a lot of fun making these, and we thought you might like to hear what they sound like. Recently, we've talked about the only time I've ever stopped an interview, unusual gift ideas, Lauren's love of sheet cakes, how to fall asleep, and, as you just heard, a recent problem in my studio. Here's more. You could not have helped telling me, Dorian. Oh, my God.

1:48Dorian. Oh, my God.

2:03Five million crickets. And so for the past two weeks, my whole life has been just trying to not absolutely lose control over these crickets. And the thing about a microphone and this microphone is that it picks up everything, right? Like this is a studio. It's supposed to be silent and it's going to pick up every noise and you really hear a cricket. And it's so frequent that it's like not possible to cut them out individually. So what happened, unbeknownst to me, is that people on our team— They made a family. The crickets made a family. It's a miracle of life. The crickets have a colony. It's not a family.

2:47It's a city. But what was going on behind the scenes is that people were making secret cuts, you know, pulling clips of how I was reacting to the crickets. So we have a clip that Susanna Robertson, she just pulled this and put it up on the Slack channel, Criminal General, as just to show, I don't know why she pulled it, but this is what she pulled. Criminal is created by Lauren Spohr and me. Nadia Wilson is our senior producer. Katie Bishop is our supervising producer.

3:29that is so loud oh my gosh phoebe

3:38i'm so sorry i don't know what like i mean it doesn't oh the hour and 45 minutes it took me to record dorian gray yesterday do you see it it's right here it's like it's right here next it's like it's sitting right It's so loud. I don't understand how it can be that loud. So then I do this and try to scare it. And it's quiet for about four seconds. Yeah. So we have a lot of that. And then I decide. Have you done any research into why? What message is a cricket sending? It's rubbing its legs together. But what is the message? Hi. No, I think it's— I want to be a podcaster. I don't know what the message is, but— Oh, they chirp to—males chirp to attract a female.

4:28Oh, it is—they're making a new city. You're right. Oh, the city's here. Why do they chirp? Why do crickets chirp constantly? Mating call. Why do crickets stop chirping when you get close? They're aware of a potential threat. Well, then I hope that I have been posing a major threat by the amount of banging I've done. Oh, this says they sing out of love and anger. Lauren, do you know— So you might be in a sort of battle with them. My least favorite thing is when people read off of Google. And that's what you're doing right now. Well, we've been talking about these crickets for weeks, so none of us have asked, what does the cricket want?

5:05So the crickets have been an absolute major problem for the past two weeks. I cannot—you know what? It's the only reason that I'm OK Fall is here. That's it. Because maybe— You think that crickets go away in the fall? I think they have to go away in the fall. Okay.

5:23So everything has been a little more difficult. Things have taken a little longer because you just have to wait. And you bang, and you get a couple of seconds of silence, and then they're back. Well, what I told myself in the Beatrix Potter mix was that the crickets added something. It added a sort of bistro, string lights, cafe feel to your narration. It was also raining the day that the Beatrix Potter tracks, and I think because— That also, I think, adds to the romance of our visit to— The Lake District. To the Lake District. That was a rainy—all of our tape—we were soaking wet. We were poured rain on all day long in real life, so— And it was March.

6:07It was cold. Some call it soundscaping. It was very kind of Jane Eyre-esque, I thought. Kind of Wuthering Heights, Sense and Sensibility, the best Jane Austen book ever. And movie. Anyway, so we— Kate Winslet soaking wet on that hill in the movie of Sense and Sensibility is burned into my mind. Oh, how about the soundtrack that I had? I also owned the soundtrack. I also owned a printed book of the screenplay. I own the movie poster. On the wall? Yes. Oh, my God. What was on the poster? I can't remember if it was Emma Thompson. It must have been all of them. It must have been all of them. But I do believe— Did Alan Rickman make it onto the poster?

6:56I don't think Alan Rickman made it. I hope for his sake that he did. I do believe—I don't have any reason to know this or feel this— but that Emma Thompson is probably a fantastic human being. I think she's very cool. Anyway, so this week, that Beatrix Potter episode did come out where Lauren and I went to the Lake District. And in that episode, it's an episode of love, in that episode, we play some tape of what the driving conditions were like. And I just have to tell you that that is the smallest glimpse of what actually was occurring for the week in that car. Lauren, how many times were you scared that we were on the brink of a head-on collision?

7:49Three or four really? I think I was most afraid of you. Like, I felt like you were always about to run my side of the car into a brick wall. Like you were so far over all the time. So it was a lot of me just saying like you're too far over. Also, I was trying to – there were a lot of roundabouts as I recall. And you and I had a lot of trouble communicating like if there are five ways to get out of the roundabout, I would be like take the second one. And then you would miss it or maybe I communicated wrong. We really couldn't communicate about these roundabouts and it ended in just like cussing, like silence.

8:30like it was so it was so tense for so many days of driving oh god oh see this is the bad part um watch out okay lord i can't handle this music right now so when it turns green you're gonna go around and left no what do you mean what which way are we going? That's what it says. You're going up and around. No, I'm not up and around. Look at these cars right here. But you have a green light. I'm not going up and around, Lord. I'm going left right here.

9:08Why did you just tell me to go up and around? I got confused. You're doing great. There's the cars on the other side of the road.

9:21And the way we get out of the car, I'd just be like silent and exhausted and like eating Vietnamese food in silence, like just slightly shaking. Like it was really hard and you never – I'm not a fearful driver. You're not afraid. I mean when we went to do the season of Love in Italy, which also has some pretty precarious roads. I drove the whole entire time, of course, and insisted on it. I remember you drove fast and I didn't love that. You have to drive fast on an Italian highway. I was driving slower than anyone else on the highway, and still I was going 80. But anyway, so I'm not a fearful driver, and I'm not worrisome.

10:01I'm a bold driver, which you have to be. You don't want to be an aggressive driver, but you want to be a bold, confident driver. And these Lake District roads, I mean, had me on my knees. I mean, I was really – that was a tough – that was a tough trip. But it's really beautiful, and I would love to see it in June because it was pretty beautiful when it was pouring rain in March. Anyway, so that – but Beatrix Potter, if you listen closely, very closely, we have tried as hard as we can, but you may hear – Crickets. A little rain and a little crickets. And Lauren just says close your eyes and pretend you're at a spa.

10:44Just let the crickets do that for you. But you think a relaxing spa experience involves crickets. I think when people have those nighttime apps, nature sounds. Oh, yes, I see. You know. Nighttime summer soundscape. I mean, I am in a summer soundscape right now. My whole life is a summer soundscape. Do you know what I said this morning we should call the title of this episode? Jiminy Cricket. Mm-hmm. Jiminy Cricket. I don't know if it's going to make it past the cutting room floor, but my vote is to call this episode Jiminy Cricket.

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