Dad GPT!

10:08Jon McLaughlin:And even on the days, I feel like we are five minutes into this. Like not that long ago, I would not have agreed with you. I wouldn't have been in the same place. but now I'm like, wait a minute. I think I was in the car three hours today. Yeah, no, it's a lot. And I didn't, I stayed within like a four-mile radius of my house.

10:28Dave Barnes:How was I in the car for three hours? The logistics really don't make sense. Okay, now I'm going to ask you number two. We crushed that first one. I feel really good about this. Okay, how being a dad has changed our marriage? Obviously not ours, but yours. For better or worse?

10:49Jon McLaughlin:So I think that, like, first thing that comes to mind is when we first had Luca, with, you know, like the first month or two, I remember thinking, like, I think all of our tense moments, Amy and I, most of them were because we just had a screaming baby. one of us was holding a screaming baby. So it's like, it was less about there was, that there was actually any tension happening subject matter wise. Like if you could read a transcript, you'd be like, there's nothing here. There's no, yeah. But something about just a screaming, crying baby just like makes the cells in your body just tense. And then like, we couldn't, we couldn't hear, like I couldn't hear what she just said.

11:38Jon McLaughlin:And so then I'm kind of yelling and then it just like escalated. literally just for volume reasons. You know what I mean?

11:46Dave Barnes:Your marriage is being assailed by outside forces constantly. Yeah.

11:52Jon McLaughlin:And, you know, the first, I mean, I don't know, forever we didn't sleep. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And so that just takes a toll on like, when you're not sleeping, everything goes out. Your ability to just be objective about anything goes out the window. Um, but I mean, I will say, I feel like this isn't like the most concise answer, but I, I do remember that being a thing and being grateful that at least I was like, okay, so it's not like she can't stand me and I can't stand her all of a sudden. It's just logistically, just everything is just a little harder right now. doing all the any of the basic things that we used to do is just a little harder yeah um but i remember being so grateful for her for amy but like my respect for her went to another level just like great she just went into a mode that i've never you know yeah you just don't see before that.

13:04Jon McLaughlin:That's really good. And I remember being like, thank God she is here. Yes. I am following your lead. Yeah, oh yeah. And I don't think a cop-out, sort of like I'm barely involved kind of way. I'm just like... Mom is boots on the ground, man. Luca and Amy are one person. They are like one entity. Luca's on the outside now, but they are so connected. and so I remember feeling so grateful for that and feeling like in awe of that and I felt like that you know elevated Amy in my mind yeah

13:44Dave Barnes:that's a beautiful way to say that it's really articulate and I think

13:47Jon McLaughlin:I can't imagine you know what she feels when I'm kind of doing the yard work I would imagine it's similar and the thing with her is that she gets to see it especially in the summertime real time you know weekly Yeah, it is.

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14:37Jon McLaughlin:I am right, yeah. And there's something else that can make the difference in getting over the hump when you start a business. Partnering with someone who knows how to help.

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17:36Dave Barnes:I can feel Amy and Annie's eyes rolling, even though they haven't heard this yet. There's an energy from both of our houses. Why am I slightly annoyed? Why am I immediately mad and put out? Yeah, I think that's a lot of what I would say too.

17:57Jon McLaughlin:Your answer has to be completely different.

17:59Dave Barnes:Okay, so where it's harder is that we physically fight. and he will hit me a lot more. No, I think where it's harder is it is easier to not be on the same page about things. It's just kind of like, you know. Well, there's just so many things to have an opinion on. That's right. I think that's really obvious when it's realizing like, oh man, we're not quite in agreement on this one thing or like you said, logistically, you're so busy. It's all the things everybody knows. but I think like staying on the same page is a real challenge even just with information just kind of like oh that happened I didn't know she didn't tell me oh well then you gotta that's just tricky I think for better though I think it just it's made our marriage stronger because we have to you either do or you don't you either come together and sort of okay let's be in agreement or at least try to be in agreement or you're not and then that's tricky.

19:02Dave Barnes:But I think just the feeling of team is such a big deal. You know, it's like we're together doing this together. How do we make sure that we're together? You know, like what does that look like for she and I in different ways? I think like, and this is a neither. This is not better or worse, but I think realizing like how do you sort of get what you need individually as a human in your marriage but also outside of your marriage? Like, hey, you get enough exercise or you get enough time with your friends or you, you know, do you need to go on more walks or whatever? Yeah. So just kind of watching that to make sure that, you know, that's everybody you're getting.

19:42Dave Barnes:Everybody's getting what they need to function well. Yeah. It's kind of neither. It's just I think I would even maybe add that to things I didn't know before. It's just really kind of maintaining everybody's stasis.

19:52Jon McLaughlin:and wouldn't you say like when i'm sure when annie sees that you are even paying attention to that on her behalf and vice versa it just means something yeah for you know like for sure if you were to be like hey do you need yeah is there anything you need yeah that means a lot well

20:09Dave Barnes:and i think you know i think the other piece of that that i think has made it better is is which you spoke really eloquently boy the irony boy the irony okay jason ready drink

20:21Jon McLaughlin:a lot before this episode eloquently just throw that in there but i think like i did but it wasn't

20:28Dave Barnes:alcohol can you get drunk on chocolate milk um i think seeing annie become such a different person as a mother all the ways you said about amy those feminine things but i think also just like Like it's just unearthed so many parts of her personality that are so fascinating and fun and sometimes not fun, but just interesting nonetheless. And I think the same, I would hope she'd say for me and the same with you and Amy, it's, it's really amazing. It's really a fun, fascinating thing to sort of see, wow, I didn't know you would, I would never have thought you would have responded like that in this scenario.

21:10Dave Barnes:That is interesting to me. Or man, you are so good at this thing. I didn't even know you could do. you know that is a really and I think too for Annie especially being such a strong personality she's so weak in these really beautiful ways like with the kids like I thought she'd just be like oh she's not she'll be able to take whatever they bring to her and they really can affect her in such there's so many times that I'm like wow they really got you there and she's like yeah that really hurt and I'm like oh okay You know, just seeing that to your point about Amy and Luca and obviously with Liv too, but they, they, they just have such a, kids have such a direct shot, I think at the mom in ways that I really thought, oh, she'll be fine.

21:59Dave Barnes:That, yeah, they can say that. It won't bother. And then I'm like, wow, that really shook you is really interesting to me. And, and in good ways too. I mean, she has such a direct line to them that, that I don't. But I think that's really, I like that. That's a really cool thing about how kids have changed our dynamic.

22:16Jon McLaughlin:Yeah, yeah. Okay, number three. We're doing great at two minutes. Yeah, I was just thinking that. The dad skills we're still terrible at.

22:28Dave Barnes:I think for me, we're out of playtime. And I know everybody listening to this judged me because I deserve it. I was not good at playtime. I didn't do well with like let's sit and play trains for an hour I mean it would be interesting

22:45Jon McLaughlin:to know how many people are

22:47Dave Barnes:I think I'm surrounded by people that are and that's what's problematic for me I need to find more kind of deadbeat dads who were yeah I just was on my phone when they wanted to play trains I think that is typical like that was like tricky for me I think I hate to say this but it's true and if I can say then we can deal with it. I still struggle with not being on my phone too much. I bought one of those bricks which I think we talked about. It's been awesome. It's been really helpful. But it's hard for me not to just kind of like zone out or like get a text and then I'm... How did I spend 20 minutes on my phone when John just texted me about some random thing?

23:28Dave Barnes:Hey, don't drag me into that. John is always texting me. It's actually in my phone. It's different, John. I think that's still a real struggle for me but that's a long there's a long list of dad skills I'm not great at but I would say right now it's just present is still a tricky thing for me I don't really work to be present all the time I think you get better at it which is great but that can be tricky

23:58Jon McLaughlin:it's funny how I'm sure the brick thing is great in this way I mean, this is the whole purpose of it, but when, like at night, when we go upstairs and kind of do bedtime stuff, I will sometimes bring my phone. I mean, I used to bring my phone up all the time because I always have my phone on me. So I would just have it in my pocket. And there would be sometimes when like the girls would want me to just sit in their room until they fall asleep. And that could be five minutes. That could be 25 minutes. So it's nice to have my phone so I can just sit there. But I've been trying to just leave it in the drawer in the kitchen and go up.

24:45Jon McLaughlin:And then that's like one decision. If I make that decision right now, then I'm not going to come back down and get it. So if I can just get up there without my phone. And I mean, I'm like you. I feel like I'm on my phone too much. I don't want my girls to always remember me being on my phone. So I'm trying to be better at not even having it in the room with me. But that's a struggle for got to be 99 % of parents right now.

25:12Dave Barnes:I would feel better if people would admit to it. I do want to say, and this is not an ad sponsor, but the brick is really good. Yeah. It is crazy. Our buddy Seth Philpott, shout out Seth, told me about it. And I was kind of like, okay, well, let's see. even that first time I used it, you know, I was like, man, I felt my brain change. Cause I was like, Oh, I don't, let's name it an option. Great. Put your phone down. And it was like the first time I used it was like two or three hours. Cause it shows you. And I was like, that's crazy.

25:43Jon McLaughlin:And so for people who don't know the general premise of it, it's this physical thing.

25:48Dave Barnes:It's a physical brick. You just hit it and it breaks your phone. So then you can't use your phone. No, I'm kidding. It's a, it's a, it's a little tile. Yeah. It has a magnet on it. you can put it on your fridge if you want to, which I think is what most people do. And it has an app. And so when you put your phone to it, like you're paying for something at a store, it goes, hey, do you want to break your phone? And you hit yes. And then you tell the apps you want it to shut down. Which ones you want it to shut down. So you can do messaging. Messaging was a bit too far because then it was like, I don't know if people need something.

26:18Dave Barnes:But you can. But obviously all the social media apps or anything that you particularly, like if you check the stock market too much,

26:25Jon McLaughlin:you can you know whatever app you want um so you hit that tile and then you go to ben's soccer game yeah and the whole you have to come back and hit it again you do that's

26:36Dave Barnes:a big part yeah yeah it turns back on but what's i struggle more just on like weekends where it's like you know you have a whole saturday and especially this is where my struggle is arsenal games because i want to go to twitter and kind of see what people are saying about the game yeah and so that's where i have to really that's my struggle day whatever so you should

26:55Jon McLaughlin:You should really keep your brick at Ben's soccer game complex. Hit it there.

27:01Dave Barnes:Come home. Then come home. I won't do anything. You're like, hey, man, did you see all my texts? I'm like, I haven't. It's been. No, sorry. I've been bricked.

27:09Jon McLaughlin:It's been a week. I've been bricked. I think mine, I mean, you know, everything you just said, I relate to. we are out of the play you know time you know which of course now on this side of it makes me sad yeah i i feel like i wasn't i i think if amy were here she would be like this was one of the things that you were good at at playing with the girls but i always felt in my mind i'm like when is this you know it's just the not knowing how long this is gonna last That's exactly it. I totally want to play dolls with you, but are we playing? Is this a two-hour thing? Because I need to know, just for the plot of whatever skit we're putting together,

27:58Dave Barnes:how much time do we have to flesh out these characters?

28:05Jon McLaughlin:Are we going origin story on all these? Or is this just like a quick thing? But now I feel like...

28:13Dave Barnes:You're there like three hours after it's done. And Luke is like, can we just go outside? Sorry, I've got to land this plane. They got to get them back together. She's meeting her birth father right now.

28:26Jon McLaughlin:That's so good. I feel like the thing now that I feel like daily I'm kind of rough at is not just discipline follow through, but like any sort of parameter follow through on like, okay, well, hey, listen, you, like most recent thing is like Luca went this morning and she like walked down and got like breakfast with her friends, which I love. It's one of the things that I love about our neighborhood. Yeah. So you can do that. But she, you know, the girls get an allowance and they both have their little accounts. They're like debit accounts. and Luca's out. Luca's broke. She's rolling. She's broke.

29:14Jon McLaughlin:And so she's, and I was like, you've already spent next week's allowance. And I'm trying to be on top of it, you know? So I'm like, you can't spend now the next, next week's allowance. That's just, I'm not going to let you get into debt too far. So, but I was like, you know, I want her to go and hang with her friends. So I told her this morning, I was like, hey, you're going to have to do some extra chores and you can make up, you know, the money. And she was like, okay, great. Knowing. Yeah. Knowing full well, like 50 % chance dad just forgets that this conversation happened.

29:55Dave Barnes:it's not even that you don't enforce it. You just forgot.

29:57Jon McLaughlin:I just forgot. Just following through on like, okay, I said that on Wednesday to Luca. And then it's, I know I had her do like Livvy's part of the dishwasher. Okay. So that's, but is that enough? Is that a dollar? And then come like next Monday, I'm going to, she'll be like, well, I already did this, whatever. And I'm like, did you? I don't remember, you know? Yeah. You're just, it's just, there's so much to remember. It sounds like maybe someone listening,

30:28Dave Barnes:if we write a dad bill, um, book, I really want it to be called. There's so much to remember. Our thoughts on parenting.

30:39Jon McLaughlin:And if Amy were here, she'd be like, are you trying to remember this stuff?

30:42Dave Barnes:Oh, this is you trying. Okay. Duly noted.

30:48Jon McLaughlin:But I think that's my answer. It's just remembering just parameters that have been set, discipline or otherwise. Or like rules that we've put in place. like hey when you come home you can't be on any screen until all homework's done or whatever and then it's like well there's no homework this this week well now what do we do oh yeah didn't we say amy's amy and i agreed on something quote unquote that'd be the other title of the book

31:18Dave Barnes:yeah amy and i agreed on something dot dot dot and then just you looking confused

31:26Jon McLaughlin:and then dave texts me an instagram reel and then next thing i know she's been watching tv

31:34Dave Barnes:for three hours you're watching random herbie and god clive piano videos

31:40Jon McLaughlin:okay uh what are we on number four yeah yeah we're doing great we're doing great time wise this might maybe a three-parter yeah um the lie we believe no you know what we're gonna do what

31:52Dave Barnes:We're sticking to two minutes, starting now.

31:55Jon McLaughlin:Okay.

31:56Dave Barnes:We're going to go fast. Here we go. Four. The lie we believed about what makes a good dad. I think what I am leaning really hard on is that presence really matters more than I think it does. So all of the little nuances that really matter, all of those things matter, like the conversations you have in the car. Obviously, those are really important. But I think what I think is true, too, is that just being there, dinners with your family every night or sitting and watching something together, I think that matters more than I thought it did. And I think it covers probably a more multitude of sins than I think we think it does.

32:41Dave Barnes:And I think what kind of presence is different, like are you on your phone, those things matter. Do they feel like you're mad at them even though you're sitting there with them? Those things matter. But I just have this suspicion that it's easy to get caught up in the minutia of every conversation matter. Am I asking all the right questions? Yeah, right. You know, yes. But I just have this feeling that them knowing you're there, that you're present, that you're, again, they have your attention most of the time. It's probably going to matter more than all the things that I think I probably thought initially do.

33:15Dave Barnes:Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. That that's the base you got to build the rest out of. And you can be as inquisitive and knowledgeable as you want, but if they don't feel that you're there, I don't know that those things will matter as much.

33:27Jon McLaughlin:Yeah, yeah.

33:31Dave Barnes:John, I don't... Well, no, let me go. I have something to say.

33:34Jon McLaughlin:I thought weird.

33:34Dave Barnes:I don't like to think of myself as someone that's insecure. Okay, sure. But home security is important to me. Do you see what I did there? Oh, right. Because I want to know that my family and friends are as safe and secure as possible.

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34:08Jon McLaughlin:And Dave, it only takes 30 minutes to set up the entire system. I actually did mine slightly less, but it's not a competition. Listen, I love how I can stream live video and audio right to my phone and my control panel. So even without a phone, my kids can see what's happening in real time.

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37:18Jon McLaughlin:I think I, the lie I believed about what makes a good dad is like this. I step in when it's like, hey, okay, enough. I'm putting my foot down. I'm stepping in. The paternal foot down. Yeah. That's just not, that was something that I tried, that was a role I tried to assume. And it just, it's not helpful. Yeah. And maybe, you know, of course I can only speak for my family. Maybe it is helpful in a bunch of other situations, but that just was not helpful. you know and i eventually had to realize like all right this is i'm done with this yeah yeah

38:07Dave Barnes:this is over yeah i'm not gonna i do think so much of parenting is is reading your family reading the room on your family kind of like oh this thing that even work with my parents is not

38:18Jon McLaughlin:quite as effective or whatever you know yeah well and i think that that's a big part of why i felt like i had to assume that role is that's that's what i remember growing up with yeah you know so and it worked yeah

38:34Dave Barnes:but it ain't working in my house you know what I'm saying alright five we did good that time what we're afraid of for our kids that we won't say out loud oof

38:44Jon McLaughlin:man I mean we only have two minutes for this one yeah I mean I think that what I I'm afraid as a not just as a creative but but maybe especially as a creative and i see my two girls who are they love the arts and they you know i don't want the the pace of our life and like what life looks like in 2026 in america to stomp out all the opportunities for creativity You know what I mean? Like, I want them to be bored. I want them to have moments of just silence. Yeah. And I worry that I'm enabling this thing that I'm saying right now that I'm afraid of. I'm like, well, what are you doing about it? I mean, we're doing little things, but it's hard, you know?

39:49Jon McLaughlin:I want them to have, I don't know. there's just a real part of me that wants them to live in a different time you know yeah that's good i want them to be forced into their own creativity to see what they come up with you know what they contribute because you know you and i both like man creating and music for me is like It's magic. It's this gift from God that I'm so grateful that I get to be a part of. And I want them to have whatever that is for them. And I'm like, I don't know if this is being on a screen, having this much access to... They're not on social media, but they like to watch YouTube.

40:45Jon McLaughlin:and just the attention span killers out there, it makes me worried for that. Yeah, I get that.

40:53Dave Barnes:I totally get that. I think mine is probably just that they would, how do I say this? That they wouldn't know who they are. That there would be an insecurity around like they don't know who they are to be okay with themselves. You know, that they would walk through the world feeling never quite where they are or that, you know, there's not a rootedness and not just like, Hey, you know, you're my child and you're a Barnes or any of that, but as much just that God loves you and has made you wonderfully. And that's what you can know. And so walk through the world with that kind of confidence. Yeah.

41:32Dave Barnes:And be confident. And not any kind of arrogance or pride, but just that, you know, there's a backbone there that can take assailment you know as they move through life yeah i think that um okay season of parenting we're in right now and what it's teaching us

41:55Dave Barnes:i'll say because i think i i think for us when we've talked about this so much on the pod you know we're out of like you said physically tired years now we're kind of emotionally things are getting emotionally tricky and i think like for me obviously i'm not dare speaking for any uh but i think it's it's a it's like i can feel like times in the car with each kid you know they're just it's a little it's a little trickier now it's like okay i want to am i we having a good conference should i be asking questions like why is it so quiet is quiet bad why did they answer so shortly to that it's a little more I can feel this is taking a lot more engagement emotionally and intellectually than earlier everybody's having a good time we're together and everybody's safe that's great

42:46Jon McLaughlin:and we're physically together so much less than

42:51Dave Barnes:in those early years so I think the intentionality piece is getting tricky of me feeling like I want to make sure Annie is prodigiously good, as I know Annie, as Amy is too, with like questions. How are they doing? Checking in. How was your day today? She will just, she will just barrage them until they submit. And it creates this beautiful thing where now they've kind of learned to like, hey mom, listen to how crazy this was today. And I'm like, oh God, tell me too. I'm back. Tell me too. I'm right here with mom. You know, and so just trying to navigate what that looks like, I think is interesting.

43:24Dave Barnes:Like how as a dad, especially like, it's never going to be like Annie. And I think me trying to be okay with that and then what does it look like?

43:33Jon McLaughlin:Yeah. I think in this season of parenting, it's teaching me to, you know, that phrase, love the, what is it? Love the kids you have. Oh, wow. You know, like they are. This is who they are. Who they are. Yeah. and who you know an unknowable thing is nature versus nurture like how much yeah there there are definitely there's a lot of things that they a lot of behaviors they have a lot of who they are that i'm amy and i both are like yeah she was always like yeah that's kind of that's right that's right there was her like two-year-old version of this and now this is the 10 or 13 year old version of this.

44:22Jon McLaughlin:But yeah, like being a kind of accepting the, in, in the great ways and in the hard ways that this is not going to look exactly how you thought it was going to look. Yeah. You know, like those, like a friend of mine just took, I think I maybe mentioned this a couple episodes ago, but a friend of ours took his son on like a father-son trip recently. And it was great. They had a great time. But, you know, he was telling me about this moment at the beginning of the trip where he like, you know, he wanted to like read some scripture and they prayed together. And he was like, we did the things. it did not look like what I, like if you were filming it, this would not be in the promo video for like father son trips.

45:25Jon McLaughlin:You know, we're laughing about how like those moments rarely ever look the way they do in the movie. You know, he's like, we were praying, but he was so distracted and all that kind of stuff. That, that, that's real life. And so in that same way, it's like, you know, when, when, Luca or Livy tell me that thing about what happened at school or whatever it's not it's not in the situation that I that I envision it being in you know it's quick and it's in passing and it's in bits and pieces over you know a day and a half and then we rarely have the like heart to heart yeah where we both are just having our full attention on each other right um and just kind of accepting that, you know?

46:16Dave Barnes:Well, I mean, I'd listen, this may be too high to take, but I really do. I have this feeling that the way that kids relate to a dad and mom is for different things. And I think like, there's always going to be a more emotional bend with the mom. There's going to be sort of a safety security bend with dad, you know? And like, and so I think to some degree that, that makes me feel better. Cause I think I can carry too much of a lift of like, I have to be this because i would say you and i are more emotionally leaning guys you know i'd say our eq is probably a little higher than maybe the normal dad is because of what we do like we're tapping into emotions all the time so we dabble a little more in that world than probably a lot of guys do so i can think like i should be a pro at this and then i'll get in the car with one of the kids and we're having them and i'm like goo why does this feel so gummed up or they're just not responding and then annie will ask him something and they're like teary yeah i'm like what and i think just given the grace to go hey i don't when i think about my parents i definitely didn't go to my dad with heavy emotional things i went to him with other questions yeah mom was where i went hey this was like i was really hurt today by my friend who said this thing or me and the girl broke up i said that once because i think i had one girlfriend but you know i mean like whatever that moment was and she was there to go like oh honey i'm so sorry you know yeah and so I think like holding space for that takes a little, uh, weight off of me, uh, of going like, well, I asked him and he didn't say any of that stuff.

47:47Dave Barnes:It's because he didn't know, he wasn't even thinking to answer that way with me, you know, where he'll come to me with something else that's, you know, so, you know, I think there's something to that too, which I'm going to say, we're going to skip seven if that's okay, because basically we just answered that stuff. We still don't know. That feels like something we just sort of dealt with. Right.

48:04Jon McLaughlin:also if we're gonna list the stuff we still don't know there's no way we can do it in two minutes

48:09Dave Barnes:it's too long um eight how fatherhood changed our definition of success oh boy yeah i mean this one i definitely feel like we have talked about a lot on here like you know um

48:28Jon McLaughlin:Ben Rector, his song that he wrote for his daughter, A Love Like This, I think it's called. The Bridge is so good. I've told him this. That song is great. I love that song. The Bridge brings me to tears every time. And it's one of those great, like as a songwriter, it's written so well. It's just one line. There's no phrase. It's not a phrase that repeats musically or anything. There's one phrase. and it's uh the lyric is it's funny how everything i dreamed about starts to seem so empty without you

49:04Dave Barnes:i tech it's so i texted him that and he said yeah and he i may even tell me just used it's so

49:11Jon McLaughlin:it's fine it's fine yeah well that's cool that you feel that way about ben

49:18Dave Barnes:and be that open it's because i sent it to ben about ben but he then No, that's good. That's really good. And that's really, I mean, it just takes all the, you know, it takes all the sort of messy

49:40Jon McLaughlin:baggage off of success, I think, and adds a much more manageable weight of like, just the practical like hey i you know i want luca to go on this trip with her class or whatever like so we're gonna have to that costs money yeah so let's make some money here but it i feel like in a great way it's stripped just the baggage that that i had going into it makes it a lot more clean

50:11Dave Barnes:yeah i think well i think too and because i'm going to use yours as my answer too and and i I would add, it also gives like, what's the point of this? Some heft. Like why, if I'm going to go do this stuff or have any of these achievements, successes in my career, it really isn't as fun if it's just for me to feel those things. It's so much more fun if then we can take a trip because of it or the kids can come to that thing or they can see me doing it or something that gives it context as opposed to just this vain, you know, uh, plight of mine to see myself achieve something, you know, which is great.

50:50Dave Barnes:And I, those are really fun moments, but you know, now it's like, oh man, can we, can the kids go or can I, then can they see me do it? That's so fun. They can be like, oh dad, you did this thing. Um, it also helps that way too. I think, you know, that you go, oh yeah, there's now it feels a little more dimptive cause it's not just this hey check me out i did this thing or i'm trying to do this thing or whatever it's like you know when when i got that uh email from mccartney i got so emotional telling the kids about it the next morning that was maybe the best part of it was me being able to say hey i got i got like they started kind of laughing at me because i couldn't say because i was crying yeah i got so choked up but that was like that's what makes it so fun though is of course getting that from him is otherworldly but man to sit and go hey guys remember i wanted this thing to happen and i get to share with y 'all and you get to see me experience this thing is profound yeah so cool

51:45Jon McLaughlin:yeah okay number nine the moments that broke us and the ones that healed us

51:57Jon McLaughlin:okay parenting failure that you think about in a moment where you screwed up what happened next small quiet moment of the secret these are some of the suggestions yeah man um

52:18Jon McLaughlin:well the the the sort of like quiet sacred moment i mean that one is top of mind always to me and i've i've i think i've brought it up on here when we had Hillary on Hillary Scott it was when I was driving around with Luca a few years ago and I picked her up from someplace and she was really sad

52:44Dave Barnes:oh I remember this y 'all listen to music

52:46Jon McLaughlin:no that was another time that was a more recent one but that was a great one too but she she said daddy I like being with you and I'm sad and then the more the recent one was we were driving around at night and she played this song uh memories i wish it would stay in my memory i can't remember the guy's name but it's i love this song and we just played that song like three times in a row and oh it's great It's like two fours in the car just connecting with sadness. Avataring over sadness. Yeah. I had a, I mean, this is a lighter one. Obviously, you know, I have many more of these. But the other day, Livvy and I have kind of started this sort of tradition that on Fridays, she walks home from school, and I'll meet her halfway, and then we'll go and stop in this little restaurant, and she'll get a snack, and we'll just sit outside and chat.

54:05Jon McLaughlin:And I love it because she's so... I don't know what it is about it. Maybe it's like not being at our house. Maybe it's like, I don't know, it's Friday and school's done. She tells me everything. And I love these moments or these Fridays. But she said, this last one where we went, it's loud in there. And it was a little hard to hear her. I mean, my ears are 43 years old. and um so anyway she said she said something about her you know her folder or whatever and then two minutes later i asked her about the folder there was this broken thing in her folder i was like how'd that break and she goes this is how i know that you don't listen to me and she it was a it was very light like she was like you know how livy's hilarious she was giving me a hard time and you know i was like oh i'm sorry you did tell me that and you know and i like that night i'm thinking about it the next day i thought about it like a dozen times and again it was like she didn't seem it's not like she was crushed by it but a couple days later I was like Livvy I really want to you remember the other day when we were at the place and I asked you about the folder and you had already told me I was like I'm really sorry I like that I've thought about that a lot it really bothers me that you said it and then two minutes later I ask you a question whenever that happens to me I don't like that yeah I want you to no I do listen to you I don't want you to feel like I'm not listening to you and I'm sorry and then of course I'm just relying on the words of Miles Adcox that the rip or the repair what is the phrase it's about the repair not the rip not about the rip it's about the repair whatever so but that was a moment where I'm like John come and what's funny is like you love these These are like rare.

56:25Jon McLaughlin:And in the midst of this rare moment, I'm like the disciples while Jesus is praying. And he's like, hey, for the third time, can you just stay awake for just a few minutes? And then I'm just fast asleep, you know.

56:40Dave Barnes:Yeah. Well, you know, the story, the one that comes to mind, probably the quickest is that one I've told a million times. But I'll tell you again because I know we onboard so many new listeners every week. but I'd taken, oh man, this is just so quickly. I'd taken Ben. We were playing dad, kids, soccer with his team. So it was like the last we had gotten done with the season. So like, Hey, dads, come bring your cleats. We're going to play with the boys. And they were probably nine or 10. They were young. Maybe. Yeah, that's about right. So you could just dominate. Oh, we, we killed them. They didn't score.

57:16Dave Barnes:Um, and we started to use them to hit the ball. You just pick a kid up and use their head to kick the ball in. But we were playing, and one of Ben's really good friends did a slide tackle and just took me out. I had a bruise that was there for probably a month and a half. I don't know that I've ever had that bad of a bruise on my leg. And so when he hit me, I mean, I dropped. I mean, even this is mid-40s, and he would have been 9 or 10. But, I mean, his dad – no, his dad wasn't there. Sorry. The other – because we had to take him out, which is part of the story. but the other coaches immediately ran out.

57:52Dave Barnes:It was that bad. And they were like, are you okay? And I was like, but I yelled a curse word when I fell. And it really shook the kid. Because I kind of snapped at him. Because it hurt that bad. And I just had a moment where I was like, ah. And I was like, what are you doing? I really shamed him. I really hit him with the shame missiles. And I knew the minute that happened, I was like, Dave, what are you doing? And I could see in his face, one, I've hurt a man, which is a everybody kind of has that moment as a boy where you're like oh i like hurt my dad or i hurt you know whatever yeah i could see that register and then two like oh he's mad and i've done something really bad so anyway i kind of get it together i couldn't play the rest of the game that's how bad it was so we finished the game and i'm kind of limping back and i knew like i need to apologize to him yeah that was way out of line so we get to the car and i sit inside the like i open this the passenger door and i kind of sit and i was like hey buddy come here and he is like I'm about to get in more trouble.

58:49Dave Barnes:Like this is where he goes, if you ever do that again. Yeah, right. And I was like, hey, I just want to talk to you in that moment. I mean, you've heard this story so many times, but he was very sheepishly walking up and Ben grabs him and he says, it's like I want to cry, but it's also really funny. He goes, hey, he's going to apologize. And he does this all the time, but just let him say sorry. And it was so sweet because I said, hey, bud, like, you know, I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry I reacted. and he didn't, you could tell he didn't know what to do with it. It was really sweet. He was kind of like, it's okay.

59:21Dave Barnes:And I was like, no, it's not. Like, I should never talk to you like that. But that moment where Ben said, hey, it's okay. Like, he's just going to apologize. I was like, oh, that is all I want him to know. Is it like, he has a dad who apologizes. But I think that's such a marquee moment for me in that thing of like, this is what I hope they take from me. It's like when I do something bad, you know, that I do apologize for it. and that has always been such an Ebenezer moment in my life of like, God, thank goodness. Even if it's just been that they feel and they know that, you know.

59:55Jon McLaughlin:It would have been great if you, like he came up to you and you pull out a red card. But on the red card, it says, I'm sorry. Oh, sorry. Right. DaveBarnesMusic.com Just has a couple tour dates.

1:00:13Dave Barnes:And then I just start giving those to people throughout the world. Hey, buddy, red card. But while you're there. Okay, finally, here we go. What we hope our kids say about us someday. Oh, boy. This is like what we used to ask. I was going to say, let's turn the tables on us. We haven't asked this question in a while.

1:00:32Jon McLaughlin:I don't know. There's so many things. I have more focus on what I hope they don't say about me.

1:00:42Dave Barnes:You know, I think mine is kind of simple. I think it's just that I feel like I say some version of this a lot, but like just that we're together, that no matter like we have a relationship that like, that they're like me and dad are, we're together. Like we get in fights. Dad's gotten mad at me. I've gotten mad at him. He said stuff. He kind of apologized for later. I've said some things, but like we're, we're in, we're in relationship. Yeah. That's probably it. I think like that's a big deal to me. You know,

1:01:13Jon McLaughlin:I'm trying to, I'm racking my brain to try to remember who was the guest that we had on. His kids were older now, and he was like, I hope my kids say that they like me. Oh, yeah. Or some version of that. I can't remember who it was.

1:01:27Dave Barnes:Matthew McConaughey.

1:01:28Jon McLaughlin:It was McConaughey. I think he texted me that after our interview. I think it would be that. Yeah. That they would be like, yeah, I love my dad, but, man, I just like him. like him better than anyone else on on earth you know well you know what i think that infers which

1:01:48Dave Barnes:is probably more articulate than what i was saying is like when i think of when they get older i just want them to think i don't know how to say this that they consider me that they're like when i think of people in my life my dad is one of them yeah i know it sounds simple but that infers a infers a liking like you said like it infers it's like oh like every now and then when i go to lunch she'll be like, I want to go to lunch with dad if they live in town. Or like, I want to see mom and dad. Like just that they like us enough to consider us a part of that. That it's not like dad, mom live on dad, mom island.

1:02:21Dave Barnes:And we kind of go there sometimes. And we have to visit every now and then. Or they come to us and we sort of do our exchange pleasantries. And then they sort of retire back to wherever that is. Yeah. Back to their pickleball court. That's right. But I would say some version of that. you know which dad GPT we did it there it is version one alright so let's we have 25 more questions and these are gonna be five minutes okay real quick the heaviest object

1:02:47Jon McLaughlin:you can pick up

1:02:48Dave Barnes:currently my kids disappointment would be my answer

1:02:54Jon McLaughlin:I can't let that

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