Dadville Wives: Still Married (To the Same People!)

27:09Jon McLaughlin:And I was like, I wanted to take them and throw them out the window. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Daddy's getting mad. I mean, just the, it's like the fact that like I'm observing it and I'm not threatened by it. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, daddy's getting mad. Oh. It's that energy. It's that energy. So what do you guys think you've gotten better at as parents?

27:39Jon McLaughlin:This can be quick. Maybe it's nothing.

27:47Jon McLaughlin:Maybe we should answer for each other. I know. I was actually thinking that with Annie. We'll cut out this long pause. Yeah. Actually, you should probably leave it so people know how. Yeah. So they're not like, well, they really are dialed in. I don't have an answer. I don't know if I have gotten better about anything. I feel like Annie's always been good at this, but I think it really shines in this season, so this is kind of a cheat answer. But she's just so good, and Amy, I know you're the same way. She's just really good at when they have a story, like sitting down and really listening to the story.

28:22Or like Annie's so good in the car with the kids when she's got them alone to be like, how'd you take? and she's got such probing questions. Well, how did that thing go? You mentioned two days ago. Did you end up following up with him? Well, how did you feel about that? I don't know. I mean, you and I have talked about this, John, on the pod, but I really feel like I'm a pretty emotionally intelligent human. I feel emotive. I'm an empath. And I will get in the car with Ben sometimes. And I'll be like 10 minutes where I'm like, okay, you got this. Just ask. No, no, no, no. and i'm like what is happening to me and i and you know annie i feel like has gotten so good at knowing kind of how to navigate everybody's little quirks and what they like talking about not talking about um and so she'll come on we kind of report she'll be like hey did you ask ben about the thing that happened at whatever and i'm like no i asked him and he said it was cool and i'm like cool and i'll feel myself yeah amy will ask me sometimes if i had

29:27Jon McLaughlin:asked about something or did something i'm like how on earth did i not think about that maybe i'm thinking and this is not like in the last year maybe the last two months i heard somewhere like all the podcasts that i'm listening to like dadville being one of them thank you thank you very much like going to school those few minutes and when like taking them and then bringing them home you know we have like an eight minute drive with luca and like a three minute right i sometimes when they and they make fun of me get annoyed at me they'll be like don't give us a life lesson right now mom i'm always trying to be like everything's a life lesson you know if you see someone and they're like don't give me and so i heard on this podcast saying the time going to school and coming home is the most anxiety wow written part of their day like so the more questions you ask the more oh it's more intense it's more intense like don't like they maybe just need to have that whole ride home not to talk yeah even if they're nice questions so i've been trying and it's so hard for me i mean just what you just did with your fan was so great like just i have to really like okay we're not good i'm just gonna turn on some music yeah and like yeah and it so i'm trying to be better at just on the car ride just keeping my mouth shut yeah because i want to give life do you think i'm better yeah okay thank you because i feel like you you know so intricately i mean they they might tell me a story about what's happening with x y and z but it's like if someone tells you a story and you know one of the characters but there's seven characters you can't follow the story because I don't know who six characters are Amy intimately knows all seven characters she knows who the parents are she knows where they live, she knows what elementary school they all went to you know well I don't because this is a question I ask all the time and Luca gets so annoyed and I think it's a great question And she'll have all these new friends at the new middle school.

31:42And I'll say, oh, where did they go to elementary school? She's like, we don't ask those questions.

31:49Jon McLaughlin:I don't know, Mom. And I ask every time, where did they go to school? And she gets so annoyed. But isn't that a great question? It's like where they are in the city. But that's a big inside joke now where it's like, I cannot ask where they went to elementary school. Because she gets so annoyed. And you remember when you were a kid. my mom would always say where do they go to church that was our big thing and we're like quit asking where they went to church i don't know that is so funny in your version of that is this is school yeah yeah but i'm like i'm not asking where they go to church who knows if they go to church mom but she's like assuming everyone goes to church where'd they go to church but i think the fact that you know so in depth like when you're picking luca up from school you know the test she had today or you know like she has this class with this person and there's something going on whatever the fact that you know all that in depth and you've been better at not just firing off the questions you know and maybe never knowing the answer to any of it like to just be like right i'm not knowing this part of her life right now yeah i think something I've tried to be better at is like, and this is, this is kind of a weird thing to say, but you know, in this last season of life, I've really tried to understand more of like God's gifting in me, like who God made me specifically to be not like, you know, yes, a child of God and those things, but like, what are the gifts that I really have?

33:21And I think joy is one of those. And so I've just tried to be a little more realizing how helpful that can be with our kids, just like making everybody laugh or if it's getting a little heavy, like lighting in the mood or if somebody just needs a little sunshine, you know, to, to make. And do your kids think you're funny still? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But sometimes they get annoyed by that. They do. They do. Yeah. But I think like, I think I've just realized how helpful it can be and not in a manipulative way, but just to realize like that is, I think one of my gifts. And so I've enjoyed that. I think I've really seen how it's not just like, hey, dad, it's funny.

34:03It's like in the right moment, that can be a really helpful thing, just to let everybody breathe for a second. Or seeing that somebody's had a hard day and whatever. I don't know who else I've been better at. I mean, I don't have much to offer. I don't know if I'm better at anything. just holding on tight guys i think i think both of us i wonder if y 'all feel this way i think both of us are are a little more in this new season with new rules a little bit are getting better at realizing what we're not good at like kind of checking i see andy that a lot with the kids she'll kind of realize like oh that wasn't the way to do that or you know i'll realize like oh they don't think that's funny stop doing that yeah you know i mean like it feels like it's a little bit of new rules we're writing on how to engage stage as they're changing and and i feel like annie and i both are clocking a lot of like any any even a couple times this weekend i was really proud of you because i felt like you really communicated with the kids hey when you do that it makes me do this and i don't want to do that so like help me out here yeah and i was like that's a great that's a great way to engage the kids it's kind of like you know like last night they didn't listen to her going upstairs and she and ben had a moment but it was just so great because he he's at age now where she could be like hey do this when i ask this and he was like yes sorry i didn't he was like kind of that's my bad and i was like that's great that's a great instead of her just getting mad i mean like go upstairs she was at you know he's at an age now where you can kind of say yeah hey this is what i'm trying to do you're not helping me with that and he was like yeah i get that i was like that's

35:43Jon McLaughlin:a great that's a good that's a win yeah i mean i feel like any shred of an answer that i have to this question for me is just that i've realized and it took me a long time to realize my approach to those moments those kind of like confrontational discipline moments i just was not my approach just wasn't working just was not working so last year i feel like i made a I mean, I remember the day. I'm like, I'm taking a different approach from here on out. Which, of course, I'm not always, you know, perfect at. What was that? What did you change? I'm just trying to stay any sort of raising my voice, any sort of like, you know, putting my foot down in the like a demonstrative way.

36:47Jon McLaughlin:Oh, yeah, yeah. It just doesn't work. Doesn't work. It just, it kind of like takes everyone in the room, none of us are using our, you know, full brain at that point. It's like, it's just about like, I said this, I will win, I'm the parent and, you know, our girls are strong. So, it's just not, And I think my new approach is it's better for the situation, the outcome of the situation, and it's just better for me. It's better for my blood pressure. Because we grew up, when your parents said something, you do it. Yeah. And so we tried to model that, and that just doesn't work for our kids. So it's like, how do we take control in a different way?

37:40yeah that's the route that our kids are taking so if we say this we have a kid who's gonna like buck up to us yeah and you know talking to my parents i just wasn't like that and i don't think john was either but they said my sister was like that and i didn't really see that and they so we were on one of our walks here recently they were like yeah julie was like that and you were more sneaky. And that's true. So she would buck up to them. I'm not doing that. You can't make me do that. But I never did that to them. You would just kind of like agree and then. Yeah, do my own thing.

38:22Jon McLaughlin:And we're like, how can we transition our kids into just being kind and sneaky? So how, what did they say? How did they handle? Like someone bucking up against them. I don't remember what they said. It just made me feel good. How are y 'all going to do that? Like as parents, just curious. I mean, I have tried to tell myself like, I think a lot of the like anxiety and like the temper that I feel in some of those moments is like, I have said whatever the thing is. Like, you know, just to use a simple example, like we're going, we're getting ready for bed now. this is not like a daily fight for us but like we're going to bed i think a lot of my like um what gets me worked up is i can already i'm predicting this is not gonna work i'm already i've just said it and i've already told myself this is not gonna work so let's come with some firepower as well with this it's like i'm already stressed about a situation that i have deemed doomed from the beginning so i'm just trying to tell myself like this is what's happening you're the parent just be calm like i don't need to get upset just emotionless if you don't go to bed you're gonna have a consequence it's up to you and if you don't go to bed it's your choice we're gonna stay up all night i guess and we're gonna have a bad night and that's okay yeah that's more like yeah more of like uh uh just look at take the emotion out of it for a second just look at it on paper like hey this is your choice like here's what i'm telling you to do it's time to go get ready for bed if you choose to not do that you'll have a consequence i don't want you to have a consequence and you know tomorrow morning you're gonna wake up and you're gonna be bombed that you didn't just go brush your teeth or whatever you know so i i find that it's much more effective to just like look at the situation like this is how it's going to be we don't need to add anything else on to it you know and i think in the moment to let we don't need to resolve it right now so if we're both oh yeah i get so mad she's so mad we're gonna like i just tend to want to win yeah i want to win the argument you're gonna do what i say instead of no one winning just like let's break until the morning and then we'll talk about it or late like an hour later and usually everyone's calmed down by then and i think that we're trying to do that more instead of winning yeah dave hang on okay hang on a second okay what what you're not letting this year slip away are you How did you know?

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44:23And you will. Now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last, you silly geese. Go to quince.com slash dadville for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash dadville. I think the thing that gets tricky with me in that space with ours is kind of if I feel like they're starting to triangulate on Annie a little bit and it's like she's under attack there are times where I just come in and I'm like hey I'm gonna use the big voice we're done this is where I kind of put the scepter down I'm like this is done and so it's tricky because and I don't know if that's because of boys too where it's like that energy kind of works a different way you know where it's like kind of boy to boy or man to man I'm like hey I kind of need to flex a little bit here because I'm showing you where the end of that is.

45:19And I'm on the other side of it. Because it can be hard sometimes because it's like, you know, it's not that for ours in those moments, calm doesn't work. But I just kind of feel like, and I'm not yelling, but just kind of going. But we're saying that doesn't even work. Yeah. You can't come in and be like, I'm saying the final word. And I think it's like anyone who's like, well, you should try this. I'd be like, you try it. Let me see you do that. So it's like we have kids that just, I feel like we discipline our kids. We don't let them get away with stuff. And it's still just at times. And I think they are getting better at apologizing and I think letting it cool off.

46:09Or just being like, okay. I think I used to be afraid at nighttime, it's just gonna work up and we're never going to sleep and i care about my sleep so much and what's that gonna mean for tomorrow i i get in a cycle of like oh no no we gotta go to bed and she may even feel that yeah and so now just to be like i've been much better to be like you're doing it tonight john yeah i'm going to bed because he doesn't get as yeah i worked worried about sleep like i care so much like about my sleep yeah and so i'm like okay you and i used to want to be the one to put them to sleep and like and like letting go of that and and i mean that's a little different now but just just letting him do that and letting me go to sleep and just riding the wave where i was like we're just gonna have a lot we now we're like i think it's gonna be a long night tonight very like yeah just calmly it's gonna be long when and you know and that doesn't happen a lot anymore yeah yeah and what helps with us too is like annie and i both a lot of times where she'll be like, I'm tapped out.

47:09You got to handle it from now on, which is really helpful because I'm like, all right, cool. Let me sort of, you know, just knowing to your point, just knowing yourself enough to know, like if this, if I go on, this is going to get bad. It's not going to be helpful.

47:20Jon McLaughlin:Yeah. Right. Okay. Next question. Yeah. So we've just hit 20 years. No. Yes. I love you so much. Y 'all are about to hit 20 years. what's the best thing about marriage at this stage and then what's the most challenging thing about marriage at this stage you go first we were just talking that's why I read it you can't answer your own question okay Annie I don't know if it has anything to do with 20 years maybe it's the stage of our kids life and their development but i just appreciate so much that we are on the same page we're on the same team i think that's been really important to me from the beginning and lately it just felt like we really are working together on various things and we see things the same and we're able to like communicate well about how we're feeling and i don't know it just feels like we're we're growing up i appreciate that yeah i do think i don't i don't know i feel like in the last like couple of years a bunch of planes got landed in my in my head about our relationship in such helpful ways and so i don't know it's it's almost i wonder if y 'all feel this way um i don't feel like we struggle as much anymore and not that we ever did but that's just so little of my energy goes into of like, how are me and Annie doing?

49:01And I mean, and you know, we're always checking in and things like that. But I feel like so much of it now goes to the kids and just managing all the emotions and scheduling and interactions with them. And so I don't know. I just, I saw you wrote that in our little note and it was fun to think about that because I was like, I don't, yeah, I just don't find our marriage challenging as much in the season and maybe that'll change, but it's much more like, it just feels good. I just feel like one of Annie's superpowers, and I've learned so much from this in our marriage, is Annie is maybe the best person I've ever met with like, she states her case and when she has, she's really done with it.

49:46And it took me years to learn that from her because I stew and I carry and I, and I've just, I think in the last couple of years, something I've really gotten good at is like, if we have something wrong, we both say it. And then I move on with her. I don't think about it anymore. And it's just, for me, it's changed our interactions because I think I used to really carry that stuff around and I just don't anymore. It's like, I'm kind of like, I trust that she said what she needed to say. I said what I needed to say. Um, and we move on. Well, I also think, I mean, I said that earlier that we're on the same page, but there are times when we're not, right?

50:27Where we have different opinions about a certain situation or how to handle something. And I think one thing I appreciate the older I get is allowing it to be okay that we don't see things the same way. Like on those circumstances where we do have different opinions about, I don't know, a relationship or how something could have been handled better whatever it is in life, it's okay if we don't agree. And we can let that go. It doesn't mean anything about me. It doesn't mean anything about our marriage. If we are on different pages in a certain thing, it's like allowing space for you to have your opinion about something, and it doesn't threaten my opinion about the same thing.

51:15I don't know that anything has helped me more in the last decade of our marriage than realizing that I, and it didn't start this way, but I've really developed some severe codependency issues with, with Annie and she hadn't with me, which is hysterical because it really says she's like, man, I'm good. You're fine. I'm going to do my thing anyway. But, um, and, and I think it took, like, I went and sat with Chad Carver at Porter's call for a few times and he kind of helped me unravel it. But the way that it iterated, that's so helpful now is I really had to understand. And I mean, we kind of laugh at the thing, Henry Cloud, about this.

51:53Just kind of like how so many books that came out. I feel like we've talked about the same. But like so many books and Chris and them back in the 90s and 2000s were like, when you get married, you're one person. And as the man, you sort of stand before the Lord and Andy's sort of behind you. And you answer, Dave, how have you done with this marriage? And I'm like, well, let me tell you what we've done well. And Andy's just kind of back there looking at my shoulder. and I think what helped me understand that chavis so great is like you know there's there's your marriage which is together you know but then annie is a human being living a life and you're a human being and I think for me we started that way I absolutely believe that when we got marriage but I just think life and kids and all that stuff got to where I just started to more and more kind of however annie felt I felt or if she was really mad I hated that and I couldn't handle it or or just to annie's point if we would have something happen and I go this is my take and And she'd go, this is my take.

52:43I'd be like, we can't have different things. Like that's not what a good marriage is. And exactly what you just said, babe, I think maybe the most helpful thing ever in our marriage has been a few years ago, me going, oh no, I can hold space for that. And it doesn't say anything about me or how I care for her and the state of our marriage. If we sit down and she's like, hey, this happened, I wanna do this. And I go, well, I wanna do this. And that's okay. And I think that Annie has every right to laugh at this, but it's almost become a joke to me. I notice I do it. But I almost have to say, when she'll come to me going, hey, this is my take on this thing in my life, in her life.

53:23This is how I think I want to do it. I have to say, hey, that's not how I would do it, which is totally okay. This is how I would do it. But you are fine to do whatever. It's almost like I have to say that out loud for me to disassociate. so that for my little brain, it's like, I'm just making sure you understand. I would not do what you're going to do. And I think it's going to have bad consequences, but you can absolutely do it. And I could be wrong. And cause it just gives me space to move on my life as opposed to feeling like, Oh gosh, what if, you know, what if she does that and it doesn't go like she wants to or whatever.

53:55Um, but it's, I just think it's made our marriage just so much better for me. I think Andy's probably always been a constant that way, but for me, it to your point is just been, I don't know. I don't, I don't carry around that stuff anymore. I think it's, it's made us what I think a healthy marriage is, which is like two people who are living individual lives, but also two people who are choosing to share another life together too. Um, which has been so helpful, you know? Yeah, that's great. Yeah. what about y 'all um i would say um i just can't imagine i mean i thought this when they're young too but even more now when it is a lot of emotional angst in our house and you know like are we doing the right thing are we making the right call like do we handle that right just to have someone to talk through everything with and and to laugh i'm like i keep saying this probably the last year like there's so many times when the girls be doing something and john will just like roll his eyes you know like just in the like in the kitchen like we're on the same team these two girls come in on our life and they're making it so hard and we can like laugh about it and like who do they think they are like I don't know it's just I think a lot and he always makes me laugh but like to just like this is we're okay like we might not be doing things right but we're okay we're trying the best we can and we love each other you know I just I still love him so much and want to be with him all the time so I think talking through everything and I love to talk through things and I feel like you love to talk through things so I feel like we will go on lots of walks and just talk through life and the girls and everything yeah and and laugh which I need that in this in this time I feel like I mean it's kind of like what you were saying Annie like you

56:13Jon McLaughlin:feel like the foundation of our marriage like it it feels like with kids if there are two different categories like our marriage and kids kids is flying by and so like this weird two seemingly opposite things are happening at the same time it's like how is my life with my kids flying by but our marriage i feel i feel like the slow steady wow age of it wow you know like it really feels like 20 years which will be there in a couple months i everything just feels so much more like are relaxed like our shoulders are well fit into and yeah yeah and i mean i've always had a what i feel like is a healthy anxiety about our relationship i feel like it's anytime we would get into a spat or something like that amy i mean it's kind of the same thing that dynamic that you're describing we're like you would be a little more volatile and he's a little more steady we would have some spat or whatever two minutes later amy is fine and ready to like snuggle on the couch and i'm like i need three days to go existential i'm like what does this mean you know and i always felt like well i have to do that because if i don't my eyes off the ball yeah and i my fear is always like we'd wake up one day her bags are packed and i'm like how did so you gotta keep anxiety about it you know and i just don't i just don't feel that way anymore there's such an ease yeah that's well said to it yeah and i i don't know that this relates to the marriage thing specifically this is kind of a both like parenting and marriage but it's so helpful to have Amy for the two of us to be raising these girls and when they do something that just is so foreign to me and Amy can be like I remember doing that and vice versa yeah yeah and it's so it puts Amy's reeling mind at ease that this thing that one of them just did I'm like I literally did that exact yeah yeah yeah it makes no sense it's so weird but you know here's what i remember thinking through you know helped me yeah so yeah she's just the best and she's uh she's the number one person i always want to be with all the time that's hurtful the um you know what i also i don't know if y 'all have thought about this but i find myself in this season, I think some because we have friends that are empty nesters now, I find myself thinking about that a lot.

59:04Like I'll have, I'll have like in the car five minutes straight of like, God, what is, what is Annie and my life going to be like? What will we, how will we spend our time? And I think one of the great things about what y 'all are saying and what Annie and I are, you know, trying to have too is it, you know, when you sort of have that nuclear relationship, the two of you, but also these lives that you're also living. I think it just transitions into that next season with the kids being gone so much easier because you still have your things and then you have more time to do those things. And so it's not that, you know, I don't know.

59:41I just, I think I think about that season for a lot of reasons, but one is I just don't want it to be this like shock wave of, Oh my gosh. you know like all we know how to do is relate to our family and the kids or talk about the kids all the time that's all we have but i think too just knowing like there's just gonna be a lot more time and how do we want to spend our time and one of the things that i think is so fun about our marriage is like annie has these things she loves to do and things she's passionate about and i participate with the kids sometimes in them and sometimes i don't and vice versa and i like that because then it feels like it just makes that transition as it's happening a little smoother as opposed to reinventing everything because we were just this one thing that sort of did together all the time.

1:00:24And so I think like that's something that, um, that I think is really interesting about this season too is, you know, the kids like y 'all is like still have younger kids, but like you said, John, it just goes so fast. Yeah. And so I think even now I'm kind of trying to keep an eye on like, how do we, how do we navigate in our marriage? Well, how we relate to each other space for each other and things supporting each other and the things we each have passions about but maybe don't share, because I think that's going to be pretty paramount here in about a decade for us at least. I think it's starting.

1:00:56Even the last week, month, it's like the girls get home and they go up to their rooms. Yeah, yeah. And it's just like, oh, it's 7 o 'clock. Do you want to watch a show? It's like it's just us right now. That's right.

1:01:11Jon McLaughlin:Yeah, it's sort of already slowly starting. and i can see like in a healthy way yeah yeah but it's like oh it's not they need us every second and it is really do you want to go take a walk i mean we have all this time together now yeah well i think especially especially our specific jobs like me and you john it's like and then you know with y 'all starting to take on different work or whatever everybody spend their time doing we have a lot I mean like you and I if we don't want to there's a lot of days we don't really have to do anything I mean we're always working on things or whatever but you know with our job that's one of the fun quirks about it is like you know nobody's calling me at the end of some of these days and be like what'd you do today right it's on me to be disciplined about what I need to get done yeah and so if Andy's like hey you go get a lunch you know somewhere I'm like yeah let's do that and so I think those I think that's the thing I was going to say earlier about this season for all of us it's really interesting to me is is i feel like i'm watching annie do this where she's really like you just said amy there's just more time now and so you know annie i think is trying to figure out how do i want my time to be spent on these days where i have things or you kind of as as girls girls as our three are growing up you you can feel um time being given back to you so then it's about what do you do with it i love the um podcast with words because how you all were talking about and it just took me back of like did you listen to it?

1:02:45I don't know but it's like they care at this time like he and Annie it's like the time they have is so precious and fighting over that time or like no it's my time to go do that thing you just got that hour to yourself I really need to work out please can I go take a shower or anything and you guys were like it does get so much better once they're in school and everyone kind of like relaxes a little bit and I thought that was so good to remember those times of how like when you're before school age it is so hard like getting time to yourself and now it's like oh we have a lot of time by ourself and it doesn't make me sad you know it doesn't make me like i wish we were back then it just is like okay this is a different

1:03:39Jon McLaughlin:season and you know it makes me think like i mean thankfully you know most of the stuff that our kids do that were you know like theater stuff or soccer or whatever i love going all those things we were just talking about that dave but there are some things you have to do where like you look at the day's schedule or whatever or this window of time that you thought you were going to you know have to yourself and you got to go do whatever particularly with like driving around where you're like all driving i think i'm going to be in the car for like three hours in the next three hours you know um it is helpful for me to think like this is it sounds so cliche but like this is going to be over oh absolutely in in no time yeah and i'm going to have all the time in the world yeah so whatever it is that i wanted to go do i'll be able to do that for decades yeah no and i would i would kill to be back in this car carpooling these girls around you know i mean i don't know if y 'all feel this way but in the moments where i get a little like you know prickly about I got to take somebody to Franklin for something or, you know, a soccer game in Hendersonville, you know, these little 30 minute drives or whatever.

1:04:59And I'll feel myself get like, I've learned to ask myself, this is the discipline I have now. It's unbelievably helpful. But I'll be like, okay, what else would you want to do right now? And every now and then I'll have an answer. I'm like, well, I do need to get this done or I wanted to go for a run or something. Right. But I mean, just from, I'm just speaking for my life. Cause there's people listening to this. Like you must have nothing to do in your life. but most of the time I'm like I don't mean nothing I just don't really want to be in the car and then the next thing I say to myself is what you just said which is you will not be doing this for much longer and there will be the rest of your life where you go babe you ever taking the kids a soccer practice you know and so it really gets me back to where I'm back in that moment again and going no this is great like I really don't have anything else it's just I wasn't excited about traffic on a Thursday afternoon or whatever but um it is it's been helped for me because there's just my life i'm just there's just not a lot of things i just don't want to do that right you know i'm like just don't want to be at home than here yeah you know but in those but if i remember that i'm like no this is great i'm with whatever kid or all of them or a couple of them or whatever and it's okay let's you know let me drive you crazy about questions that i don't know who six of the seven people are um okay so last question to end this thing out y 'all referenced it do we have any New Year's resolutions?

1:06:22Yes. You do? Go.

1:06:26Jon McLaughlin:You're going to do another Ironman? I want to do one Ironman every day this year. Oh my gosh. And so far I have failed. Yeah. Every 12 days in a row. Yeah. I did I told you before we started I thought you know We talk endlessly about our relationship with social media. I'm like, what if I try to post every day this year? Oh, gosh. Here we are. It's you at A. 12 days. Oh, gosh. Anyway, I'm going to try to meditate every day. Oh, nice. That's great. Yeah. That's great. Have you done it? So far. Good job. Yeah.

1:07:06Mine was, and it's along these lines, positive. parenting oh nice i feel like i'm a positive person but i feel like sometimes i think i think a lot of like my personality or who i am i just think in the future like if this happens today what does this mean in the future and i get work you know anxiety about that and i see a lot of friends you know and i don't know what's going on in their like inner self but they seem to have some problems too and i just feel like sometimes i tend to like put more weight on things where i want to be like this is just yeah this is just a little blip in time that's right and it doesn't mean anything it could mean something could not yeah and don't get so worked up i just i want to be just more like what is is what is like and just kind of um um just speak more positive about my kids and not the worry i have and I think it's okay to be real and to like have worry.

1:08:36And I think that's all good. And I think I won't ever stop doing that, but try to like balance it more with like, but they're great. And just focus more on all of the positive things that are happening. Cause a lot of positive things are happening. Yeah, that's great. So that is my, I love that. Thanks. PP, positive parenting. You know what? Somebody told me once that I, I, I think this is where my seven, six wing kicks in, but I can definitely future cast, find things that could be potentially problematic and just absolutely, I mean, leech onto those things. And somebody told me, Ransom told me this once, he said this advice where if it's not happening to you, it shouldn't be happening in you.

1:09:22And I think about that a lot. Like, what are the things that I am happening in me, but they're in no way actually happening? Right. And that's been a real helpful thing for me of like, is this happening to me? No. Right. Well, then why are you obsessing over it? Yeah. Right. And so many things that we know now looking back, I was so worried about Luca picking her scab. Like, I could not. Oh, I remember that. Yes, I do. Like, when Livy was born, she kept picking, kept picking, and it was getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And I'm like, what's this mean? Like she's going to have scars all over her face and she's never going to stop.

1:09:56How's it going to heal?

1:09:57Jon McLaughlin:She would just wake up with just a bloody face, you know, or like the reading or potty train, anything that I was like, are they ever going to do this? And now it's like, yeah, yeah. I know. And so it's like the things that I'm worried about. It's like, remember, like try to remember that. Like, it's going to be okay. That's great. If not, you'll be okay. Yeah. I'm okay. I'm okay. Yeah. I probably need to have a new year's resolution. I don't really have one. Yeah. I feel like I often don't have New Year's resolutions. Yeah, Annie's not a big New Year's resolution person. What's your resolution?

1:10:33So, you know, we've talked about this a lot on the pod. I love New Year's resolutions. I do too. Because I kind of love the challenge of it. I love like, okay, what's this year? Last year was no sodas. Did you do that? Mm-hmm. All year? Yeah. But, you know, I always tell people this when they hear that. That's really great. But I had probably six or seven years where I didn't drink sodas. So it's never been like a robust part of my liquid life. Yeah. But I do love a soda. I love a soda. What would be like the hardest thing to give up? Oh, like in general? Drink wise? Yeah, like drink wise. Oh, I was going to say Annie probably.

1:11:18Like other than sodas? Yeah, I know you, Annie and you are the most liquid people I know. Like, y 'all love a liquid. And so that's, you know. I should drink more liquid. Yeah. But there's really not, there's not really anything that I'd be like, I'm not very liquid leaning.

1:11:36Jon McLaughlin:It's not like those. Mios. Mios. That'd be tough. That'd probably be it. Or Gatorade. No, Gatorade, we don't. We go in seasons with Gatorade. It'd probably be, yeah, just something. I just hate, you can laugh at it as immature. I hate the taste of water. or the lack of taste of water. It doesn't taste. And so those Mios, I have to sauce it up. That'd probably be it. That's fair. That'd be your number one. Yeah, that'd be tough. Somebody's like, no, you're with that. But the things, I thought about this a lot this year, the things I'm trying to do. You know what I want to do from moving on? You can remind me of this next year as we get into this.

1:12:07I want to start having years where I go a do and a don't. So this year I'm going to do this, and then this year I'm not going to do this. But so this year for me it's been, I'm really trying to not say cuss words anymore. And I don't think I'm necessarily somebody that says a lot of them. But I've done a really good job.

1:12:29I just notice I use them to bring emphasis to things. Sometimes when I feel like I really want to be like, no.

1:12:35Jon McLaughlin:Oh, hell yeah, yeah.

1:12:39God, that was good. But that's been one. So I'm just trying to be a little more mindful of that. I don't feel like you cuss at all. Well, I don't much. but I know when I do I'm like really trying let me show you I'm gonna fool at this point it really matters because I said this and I do man if I get scared or jumped that is sadly or something hurts I'll find myself like you know that's one I'm trying to send an encouraging text a day to somebody which has been really fun I love that and what this frame this R frame that Annie gave me R if you want to do a sponsorship we love that has been really fun One is it's made it easier because if I'm back here, a picture will pop up.

1:13:20I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, you know, so that's one. And then the other one, this is kind of weird maybe, but I'm trying to like give each day to the Lord in the morning, which is a really simple thing, but it's just been like a practice of like just even saying that, that phrase, just like, all right, Lord, I'd just give the day to you, whatever it's going to look like. So it's kind of those things. I was a little bummed that I didn't do. they're not easy at all but it's not kind of like having something physical usually or something that's kind of like measurable yeah did you think of any Annie?

1:14:00come up with one right now go we're like no more coffee we're going to hold you to it boy Annie would die I drink coffee all day yeah nothing I've got enough for the both of us I think yeah you do i've had some yeah not weird ones but i mean i had a year where i wanted to at least do 15 push-ups a day but it would usually be like 25 50 that was hysterical because like i i mean when i do these things i usually do them like i don't know that i've ever had one that i didn't do yeah and you know this is back when i was still playing a lot on the road it would be 11 27 and we've checked into the airport hotel and I'm like, and I'm like, all right, hold on in the lobby.

1:14:47Yeah. Literally. Like, I mean, dressing rooms. Cause I would know like, Oh, if I don't do it right now, I'm not going to do them. Yeah. Did you do it? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Um, you're pretty, once you commit to it, you're going to, yeah, yeah. Should do that. But I'm already 12 days behind. Well, that's what John said. What if it's like the Chinese calendar or something though? You know, it starts and, you know, maybe I should consider the year of the horse. Some people say I've read, Can we call this episode? Maybe I should consider the year of the horse. Some people start or they say like, January is not the time to start, you know, New Year's resolution.

1:15:24Springtime is. Yeah. Okay. Like you should hibernate. You should be like. Yeah.

1:15:29Jon McLaughlin:It is kind of funny. I mean, it's, you know, a regional thing, but like where we live, it's like January is, it's cold. Yeah. It's going to be dark in a half hour. Yeah. It's like, it's kind of, kind of the hardest month to like, well, let's keep on some other stuff. Well, and I would say, especially if you have any exercise oriented goals, it's tough. Cause like, if you're going to be like, I want to walk this much a day or run this much a day, or even just like drive to the gym, it's so cold. And you're like, I don't want to go do that right now. You know? Right. Springtime. Yeah. Well, gals, thank y 'all for your time.

1:16:02Yes. It's a long one. I love these. But we'll, and I guess we'll see y 'all in a couple of years. Is that sort of the thing? When they're graduated.

1:16:10Jon McLaughlin:Yeah, the empty nester episode. Oh, no. Now they're driving. Okay, driving. It's true driving away from us.

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