Hilarious Tales of Bad Hotels, Travel Disasters, and Tubs of Hair Gel!

23:20Jon McLaughlin:I don't know. I mean, the flight was short. I don't mean to knock it, you know. But, I mean, they're traveling with tubs of this goo. It takes up so much room. And then they have all their products on top of that. Which, I mean, they only have one little face. And the irony is their skin. I sure hope so, by the way. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't see them a ton anymore. The gel could be making two. Maybe. It's strong enough. But their skin is flawless right now. Yeah. But that, I mean, they're traveling with tons and tons and tons of product. Yeah. And then, I mean, this is not weird, this next little bit, but my oldest is now, I think she did take nine pairs of shoes.

24:06Jon McLaughlin:Oh, wow. On our America trip. Wow. Which the irony is you don't even need to wear shoes. We're just at the beach. Yeah. Well, she may. She has to try on all nine before we even go to the gas station now. To not use them. To not use them. She has to try them on to then not use them. Yeah. That's my answer. Yeah. But slick backs are great. Love them. Keep rocking those slick backs. Yeah, we love that. Can you do a slick back like tonight so that everyone can see? Yeah. Okay. When my daughter does it, it looks like she's hired a pack of monkeys to pull her hair back behind her while she does it. Yeah.

24:40it's like if it's any tighter it becomes your skull it should look painful it looks like you've painted your bald head a color that's how tight it is on your head okay dave what's your best uh what's your best like dad move at a theme park oh uh i like how i said i said that as if i'm just

24:59Jon McLaughlin:making it up on the spot yeah and i didn't just read it yeah no it's okay people listening don't know they're just they're thinking we're improvving that yeah producer jason just cut that out so So this is, I'm going to say this, and it may draw some anger from people in the crowd, and that's okay, because this is the life I've chosen to live, and it's who I am. We had a hookup for a while at the Disney parks, and when I tell y 'all that we had a hookup, y 'all, I didn't realize what I had when I had it, because this friend of mine, and he's going to go unnamed, he worked in the FastPass app. and this is gold when you go to Disney theme parks.

25:36And so what that meant was we literally had unlimited fast passes. Like I would text him during the day and he would, he was one of the kindest, but he'd be like, Hey, how are you doing? Do we need a restock? And so I'd be like, we're a little low. And he would just, it got to the, so this is where it really reached fever pitch. We had been in the park for like, I don't know, like an hour or two. And we'd almost done all of the rides in an hour because literally it feels like, you know, like you watch Richie Rich as a kid and he's like, I just rented the theme park. Like it felt like we own Disney for that day.

26:08And I'll never forget. Like I was like, we were really, we're really in trouble with the kids here because we had done a few rides. We get on Peter Pan and we are just hustling through. Everybody's got half sunburnt faces, like staring at us like pirates, you know, like judging us as we're just kind of like, sorry, you know, like we're, oh, sorry, like running by them because we want to get, we want to do it two times in a row. So we get to the front of this line and I'll never forget this. My son, Ben was probably six or seven. Like he's young. We get to the front of the line and there's one person in front of us, one human that's in front of us.

26:41And he turns to me and it sounded like he had mic'd himself. He goes, dad, we have to wait. And I was like, I grab his face and like cover his mouth. So it's like, and I'm looking at him like, you know, I'm doing like the, no, don't say that. And I was like, Hey buddy. And I mean, everybody in that line turns and looks at us and just like squeezing my head with their fingers and I had to get on a knee and be like buddy so we have a friend who's so nice and he lets us and he was still like I can't believe and I'm like literally like you know just like I had to knock him out I just did the quick and he was out and he was fine and nobody could tell it looked like he was sleeping on the ride and that was that was fine but that was like and then he the guy's not at Disney anymore and it has been like just great but we went I think we did four Disney visits in five years because this guy would text us and be like hey bro like I don't know how long I'm gonna be here and we'd be like let's go here we go down again you know it's like you know it's how we served our family that was the way that we gave but that man that was a pro move that was a that was a I remember it fondly that season of my life those days are over though they are over No, we're just with the commoners.

27:52Your son's probably waiting in a line right now. We're just with the commoners out in the crowds getting half of your face sunburned. Oh, I'll ask you a question now, Don.

28:02Jon McLaughlin:Jason, can you edit out that pause right there? Edit out that pregnant pause. Okay, what about worst travel day ever? Oh, I don't know if I want to know the answer to this. What a great question, Dave. Let me think about that. so when when we book travel for a vacation my wife amy is like she's the dreamer she's the one who like we're we're going on the vacation because she's like we should go here and then i'm the one who is like booking everything and i tend to be the one who is a little more has the eye on the you know how close are we hovering toward bankruptcy yeah yeah absolutely and so That's your job.

28:45Jon McLaughlin:We've already, you know, like we've booked like the hotel or the tent or whatever for the vacation. And so money's already going out, right? It's like we've already booked the places that we're staying, the Airbnbs. So by the time I come to book the flights and stuff like that, I already feel like we are just hemorrhaging money. When you're getting the girls to slick it back tight because you've got to save money on the flight. You better conserve that goo. Do you have a friend who you can borrow some goo from? And so this one particular trip, we were going to Australia to visit some friends there.

29:22Jon McLaughlin:And then on the way back, we're flying through L.A. And I don't remember how much money we were going to save. But we could save quite a bit of money if we took this kind of later flight. A boat. To Nashville. Like a river around. Cape of good hope and then up. It's about a three-month journey. So anyway, so we took that later flight. I mean, this is like months in advance, so I've forgotten about it. So by the time we're coming back from vacation, we're flying into L.A., you're already bummed because it's the end of vacation. Vacation's over. So there's a completely different vibe amongst the family compared to when you're going to where you're going.

30:08Jon McLaughlin:If you have some snafu on the way to Australia, it's like, well, there's still a vacation at the end of this rainbow. So we fly to L.A. It's super early in the morning. Nobody has slept. Our kids at the time were very, very young. We have like a baby and then a toddler. And we get in. We get all our stuff at the, what do you call that, the baggage claim? In English, yeah, the baggage claim. Baggage claim. because of the cheaper flight was one that we would have to like get our stuff, go to a different terminal, and then check into a different airline. But I'm like, it'll be just a nice little walk.

30:51Jon McLaughlin:It'll be fine. And we can save however much it is, which at the time seemed like a lot of money. Now it's like I would pay 10 times that amount to not do this. but we get our stuff. Amy's already just annoyed that we're like, why are you know, why do we have to drag all of our stuff four terminals away? We get in to check into our flight and they're like, you can't check in yet. Like your flight doesn't take off for another like 12 hours. Oh my God. Which this is nothing. I never knew this because why would you know this? Why would you ever show up for your flight 12 hours in advance? Like a psycho.

31:33Jon McLaughlin:Yeah. You love the airport. You love the airport. You always have. So we had to just go back downstairs to the baggage claim and just hang out there by the vending machine. And we just took turns literally for like seven hours. We took turns. One of us would sit in a chair that was not near as comfortable as this and try to sleep while the other one of us pushed the double stroller around, you know, just dodging people, you know, who have better lives than us. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Dave, these days, dare I say, it feels like there's advice for everything, right? There's cold plunges, gratitude journals, screen detoxes, right?

32:19Jon McLaughlin:But how do you know what actually works for you? By the way, I think it's called plunge, cold plunge. I'm going to speak for myself, John, which I rarely do. Sometimes it's hard to figure that out. Yeah. Especially with something like mental health and wellness. It can be a struggle to know what's true and what actions to take. So many things, John. Yeah. Well, here's a good place to start, Dave. By using trusted resources and talking to live therapists can get you personalized recommendations and help you break through the noise. BetterHelp is just that type of place. With over 30 ,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

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33:45Jon McLaughlin:Dave, get down from there, dude. John, why are you wearing a Halloween outfit right now? I just want to be prepared. Okay. It always, you know, sneaks up on you. Listen, hey, let me ask you a question. What did you used to dream about when you were a kid? Like dream about coming. Okay. I was pretty much all in on being a cowboy. Cowboy. Yep. I can see that. Movie star or honestly the starting running back in Mississippi State. You know what I'm saying? Okay. With his body. You can see it. I can see you totally taking an option pitch around the corner, dodging a few tackles, you know, scoring the big touchdown at the Egg Bowl.

34:17Jon McLaughlin:You love the Egg Bowl. I love the Egg Bowl. And those dreams were fun. But John, can I be serious? Please. But I like the type of dreams we have now that we're older. How you can take your skills and ideas and turn them into something real. Right. Like instead of scoring touchdowns and hearing cowbells, you know, maybe a dream of starting your own business. Yes. Right. Well, here's the thing. To do that, you're going to need a website. You're going to need a payment system. What else, John? A logo. Whoa. A way to advertise to new customers. That's so much stuff, John. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that.

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35:54listen john yeah i just i have to get this off my chest do it yes it's august now but it's going to get chilly and this feels like a time august feels like the time yeah hit reset before autumn rush bottom rush and honestly i can't think of a better place to start than my closet dave same page.

36:11Jon McLaughlin:That's why I love shopping at Quince. You always do that. Yeah, and here's why. They're all about fewer, better pieces made with premium materials, built to last, and designed to become the things that you reach for every day. Like the ultra soft organic cotton tape. I was hoping you would see. I wear them all the time, almost early day. They have the fit and quality you'd expect from a luxury designer brand, John. You know, Quince works directly with ethical factories, and they just cut out the middleman. They're like, get out of here. So you're paying for exceptional quality instead of brand markups, you know, and keeping everything priced 50 % to 80 % less than similar brands.

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38:21At what point did you think about moving to L.A. in that time?

38:24Jon McLaughlin:Yeah, I was on Zillow the whole time. Let's just start life here. Yeah, let's just start our life here again. If L.A. were more affordable, we would have just put roots down there. yeah okay so last question david yeah um what's a what was a vacation win without you meaning for it to be a win yeah some would say maybe this was a loss uh it's all in the verbiage okay um we did one of the greatest hacks that we ever did because people have been asking if if you know being here in moab people like kate you've been here before and we have so during covid i don't know if you guys remember COVID, but, um, it was a thing a few years ago.

39:00Um, uh, we, uh, we saw some friends of ours on Instagram. That's just a social media app. And we were, um, that my buddy was like posting of all of these, uh, pictures in a national park. And so my wife and I were like, how did they get, this is awesome. Like, how'd they get out there? How are they doing them? Cause it was like day after the next day would be another national park. And I was like, they're bending space and time to do this and so i texted my buddy paul and i was like hey how are y 'all doing he's like dude my wife it's always a wife thought of the most genius thing because tours aren't happening these tour buses are just sitting in these lots in nashville and so we called one of these tour bus companies said hey would you guys cut us a deal if we rented your tour bus and went out and did like all these national parks of course they were over the moon about it because their drivers aren't working these buses are just sitting there costing money so like we'll cut you deal.

39:52So that's what they did. They pulled their car behind and did like that whole sort of like corridor of national parks up through here. And so of course, Andy and I were like, we have to do this. Right. So we get the bus, we meet them in, uh, I think Albuquerque or somewhere. And we did arches. We did grand camp. And it was incredible. It was just like the most amazing trip. But the thing that was so funny about this trip, you know, cause it wasn't cheap and we have so much money, so it didn't matter anyway. Um, uh, Spotify pays so well. If y 'all are wondering, it's a, cash count. Um, if anybody's hiring, let us know.

40:25Also that said, um, but, uh, we would go to arches. I mean, you're walking around and short of the Holy spirit, like walking. I mean, it's just like, you're like, Annie and I are like taking, it's just like, Oh my God. We have one of our dear friends who's a professional photographer went on the trip with us and she's getting all these family photos. I mean, it's just gorgeous every day at about 17 minutes of being in every part kids be like hey can we go back and play on the tour bus and we're like well no because we're in a national park that we we drove and flew all this way to being in i know we just want to go back and play on the tour bus and we're like so we're gonna keep are just landing around i know there's a refrigerator in the bus and it was just like annie and i laughed so hard after we cried and just lamented and we're sad together that every day after doing i mean yellowstone We see the guys.

41:20And they're just like, you'd always turn. They'd just be staring at you like, back to the bus. And we're like, we just got to the park. And so it was a weird sort of win-loss. Because you're like, well, the kids loved it. They could tell you intimately about the inside of the bus. But not really so much. You could have just stayed in the parking lot in Nashville. That's my thing. I was like, why do we even leave Nashville? Like, just be like, kids, we got the bus. Oh, my God, the bus. Just drive to different Targets every day. So much gel you get at those Targets. I mean, they're coupons. So we wanted to sort of end our time because we've been talking, you know, so much about these trips.

41:56And so we thought a way that we could get back.

41:58Jon McLaughlin:We've been kind of bragging about how we crush family trips. Yeah, if we're being honest, just how much we really nailed this. And so we thought we would give just a few do's and don'ts. Just like some tips. Just to help you guys out. As you guys, our listeners, everybody that's here today, do's and don'ts on family trips. Just to bring this, I know it's been an amazing time, the Stadville session to a close. And so here we go. These are our dadville. Do's. How to bat. Should we say it together? Yeah. Dadville. Do's and don'ts. Three, two, one. Dadville. Do's and don'ts. I want to go higher. Yeah, that's great.

42:36Jon McLaughlin:Dadville, do's and don'ts. Yeah, so start us off, John. Dude, this is our first one. First do. Go international. Go big. Right? Yep. Go big. Don't be afraid to learn another language with enough time. If you plan. Two to three weeks to learn the language. Get that language down. Yep. Go to Europe. There are so many other places like Europe. There's Asia. There's even South America. Yeah. New Mexico. New Mexico. You can have so many adventures. Different currency. Different currency. Different language. Different language. Expand your children's world. Expand your world. Yeah. Let them see what's out there.

43:13Jon McLaughlin:Just a little bit of advice. That's a do. That's a do. A don't. A don't. Don't be afraid to stay domestic with your vacation. Yeah. Don't be afraid to do the comfortable thing. I think a lot of times we're like, with vacation, we get too excited and we're like, let's get out of here. Don't be afraid to stay here. We have so much here in the U.S. of A. to offer. You know what I mean? Yeah, and you're going to have to learn another language. Yeah, don't do that. Which is going to take two to three weeks. You already know this language. You already know it. You know this one. You learned it, which wasn't easy.

43:53You're already here.

43:54Jon McLaughlin:Yeah. You don't need to rent a tour, Buds. Jeez, just... Oh, my gosh. Can you imagine? Stay here, yeah. All right. Next do. Next... Hello. Hello. Three, two. Jason? Jason, get back to the desk. Jason, producer, let's edit that. Or boost it. Or make it louder. Whatever you feel is appropriate. Okay. And this one's so apropos where we are right now. It's a big deal, yeah. Guys, national parks. Don't sleep on the national park. You can sleep in them sometimes, but we have so many national parks here in this nation that are gorgeous. I mean, look at where we are right now. Expose your kids to some of this amazing landscape that we have right here.

44:32Your tax dollars are already paying for it. So you've already paid for it. Just go enjoy what you're already paying for. I mean, look, it's the panorama everywhere you go. it's beautiful and it's all right there yeah you know yeah so national parks that could if you

44:46Jon McLaughlin:haven't thought about that's that's a cool idea huge one um don't our next don't i mean i would steer clear of of national parks yeah it feels because to me it's just rocks and and trees you already you probably already have that where you are you know what i mean and i feel like if you think about it, your tax dollars are already paying for it. Why go there and give them more money? Because you're going to have to get like a day pass. You've already paid. Don't be taxed twice. Why are you going to do it twice, dummy? We started this whole nation off of not being taxed. What is it that you want to see so bad?

45:28Just look out your window as you're driving around wherever you live.

45:31Jon McLaughlin:Why are you so ungrateful for where you are? Dolly, man. Oh, the attitude. Alright, next do. yeah this is a big deal this is a big one wherever you go get bikes just rent some bike rent bike that you can get all not regrets you can tool around the cities it's easy you're not emissions we didn't talk about that oh yeah yeah it's a just a different way to experience wherever you are that's right and do you remember what it was like when you were a kid riding a bike yeah you put a little not all your hair if your kids are with you it's just popping right over there. Right. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. That was a callback that didn't really work and that's okay.

46:15They say, I mean, John has said this as long as I've known the family that bikes together.

46:20Jon McLaughlin:Tends to hike together. Yeah. So a lot of outdoors and then you can just go straight to a hike and that's another way that bikes are so beneficial. Yeah. Now that said, I don't, I would steer clear. I wouldn't do bikes if it was me. Yeah. They're dangerous. Dangerous. oh god just you're on vacation so you're already not on your home turf you throw a bike on there where are you going to end up i don't know where i don't know where the kids are they took a left yeah yeah you can lose them super easily sweating you're getting lost john actually started with three kids people don't know that he's got two now and that was because of the 38 vacation bikes yeah because of the bikes and that happens uh clear of those uh our next do Oh, this is a fun one.

47:05Jon McLaughlin:This is a fun one. If you can, if you've got the budget, do the matching outfits. Do the matching outfits. With the whole family. Everybody loves them. Everybody loves those. I've never seen a family on vacation who are all matching and not smile. It's so cute. It's so cute. They're color-corded. You know where everybody is at all times. You can find your kids. If you have younger kids or super old kids, you tend to lose them. So if you're all wearing the same thing, you can spot them. If John's third kid had been wearing a matching outfit, they might be here today. We'd probably still be in touch.

47:44Now, again, don't... Our next don't... Don't do matching outfits. Don't do the matching outfit thing. Yeah, it feels like it's too much. It's just...

47:56Jon McLaughlin:I've never seen a family out on vacation who has the matching outfit thing and not smiled because I'm so annoyed at them. You know what I mean? It's just cheesy. It's terrible. Why would you do that? It's too easy to find each other. The dad's miserable. The shirt's too small. Yeah, there's going to be one person. Whoever ordered them, they're going to get the size that fits them, and then you're going to be in like a XXL. Yeah, and you're sweating through it, and then you see it's made of somewhere that probably doesn't hold up in too much sweat. It's an Etsy mistake. I don't know how to say that any other way.

48:33Jon McLaughlin:It's cheesy. Don't do it. Yeah. Okay, I think we have one more. Yeah. Okay, dudes. Let your kids take a friend on vacation. They're going to get to an age where they want to take a friend with them. Just let them do it. Some families have hard rules like, no, this is a family vacation. Yeah. We at Dadville say, don't be afraid to let your kids take a friend with them. It lets them experience a trip with a friend. It doesn't just have to be family. We put so much emphasis on the family union. We put too much emphasis on the family union. Let some friends come. It sends the message to their parents that we do more expensive vacations than you do.

49:14Jon McLaughlin:Yeah. You know? It's a flex. It's a flex. You've got expendable income. Plus, I would add that Jesus went on a lot of trips with his friends. And 12 of them, actually. It was a lot of people. And so it's biblical. He took 12. He did. I mean, 11 good ones, but 12. Okay. Don't. Yeah. And I really stick to this one. This is probably the most important one. Don't, don't, let it be a family vacation. Yeah. Don't take friends with you. Yeah. You know what I mean? No. Who is this kid? You don't even know that kid. Who is he? Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, you're not contributing. You're just taking money away.

49:53Right. Plus, I would like to add, you know, Jesus took friends, and we see what, you know. Look what happened there. He did, you know, he worked it out, but it didn't start well, you know.

50:06So with that said, in conclusion, guys, what we really want to drive home, and this is really important. If you follow those steps, you will have the perfect vacation. Yeah, so do go. More than anything, we want to end our time here in Moab. Like, go on family vacations. Take your friends, kids, whatever.

50:23Jon McLaughlin:take your kids go have fun it can be grab that grab that goo it can be get out there yeah yeah yeah all right guys this was fun yeah it was great i mean for us i don't was it okay for you guys okay yeah jason turn amplify that yeah yeah yep yep there we go yeah thank you everybody hey you matched on hinge you're vibing then her energy completely changes what do you do i'm raven smith and i wrote and read a real love story about this exact sitch listen to the free audiobook now close your eyes exhale feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today well i'm letting go of the worry that i wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS.

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