Tony Hale: Just Stop Swimming

33:03Well, first of all, it's very kind of you to say all that. Very kind. And also what doesn't inspire you from me. Let's just acknowledge that.

33:15True. True. True. I mean, that's one of many things. No, I'm kidding. But that's really kind of you to say. I mean, I wish I could say that. I think it was just, well, here's, let me say this. All of us are married. I'm married. And we definitely, my wife and I hit a place where we were both on the same page about it. Because other times we've been on different pages about it. Like one of us kind of wanted to check out. And then the other one was kind of, I think we need to stay. And then it swapped. And then this was a time when we both were on the same page. and which is a powerful thing in marriage i mean that can't be overlooked especially a decision like that when both you go oh my gosh yes because when we moved to la my wife was a makeup artist on snl she loved new york and i i booked arrested development in 2003 and i was like i think we got to move to la and she was not happy about that now we developed we became comfortable with LA, but it took some time.

34:21So we're both on the same page about this and my daughter graduated high school. So the timing was, you know, we wanted to stay for her in high school and then leave. And honestly, for me, this is just for me, I had, cause some people, we had, we had been in kind of urban centers for 30 years, whether it be in New York to LA. And for me, maybe it's because of my anxiety, but it's like, you're kind of in this heightened state when you're there. Like, it's always kind of like walking outside and something's on the street or the noise or just this kind of height, or you go to a party and it's like, there's like really extreme careers and all this kind of stuff.

35:03And you're kind of like, what's kind of what's coming at me? And I just turned 55 and, um, well at the time, no, I just turned 54. And so I was like, for me, I, my normal cannot be at this heightened state. I've got to start detoxing down to where I'm just life and simplicity and ordinary things become as heightened as these kind of dramatic things that I'm around all the time. And it was just, and by the way, it hasn't been easy. Like when you're, when you're, when your nervous system is, is that trained to that? It takes, It has taken a good year and continued to kind of detox down from that.

35:46Now, the business also has been in a place because of post-COVID where I can have meetings on Zoom. If I need to audition, I can audition on Zoom. I can meet directors. That was not the case pre-COVID. So that's helpful. And my last five or six jobs haven't even been in LA. Wow. so there was a lot of factors that was kind of helping make the decision um but just like the main one was just back to simplicity for me you know now i've never thought about that that just the low level yeah there are i will say there are things that i'm we're growing pains big time for me like when you're in la much probably like you guys in nashville you're surrounded by people who are doing the same thing as you're doing you know i'm surrounded by people that are used to a freelance life.

36:39For 30 years, I've never known what the next gig is going to be. Yeah, right. I'm, you know, all of a sudden, friends are gone for two months and then friends are back and all this kind of stuff. And you're like, whereas down here, you know, people are used to like a nine to five job. And they're always asked the question like, what do you do during the day? And I'm like, I don't know. Like I just, you kind of make structure where you don't have structure. So it's like, I knew I was doing this podcast. I worked out this morning. I do have a voiceover this afternoon. Or if it's not that, I'll work on these rope bowls I make or whatever.

37:12But like, I'll have meetings. We're developing scripts. We're developing projects. But you kind of make structure in a very unstructured world that people in LA are very used to. Yeah. Whereas down here, it's kind of a little foreign to them. So is that that pace of work, is that that like, you know, if you're making rules for yourself as you're detoxing from the last 30 years of pace of life are you are you allowed to work at that clip still or are you like no in two years from now i would like to be doing you know one less thing or whatever um i would say like for instance i just did this job in syracuse and when you do jobs you kind of get back into that pace you know it's like you're on set, you go home at night, you're looking at the script the next day, you're talking to the director, you're meeting cast.

38:06So you kind of get into that pace and then you come back home. And it's more like, whereas in LA, you'd come back home to the kind of same, for me, the same kind of surrounded by people in that same pace of life. Down here, I'm coming, I'm kind of coming back to a resting place that is a little more simple. So at this age, that's what I need it because i love going i love sets i love being in that pace but when i go back to my resting place i need it to be a little kind of slower yeah like like more of a discrepancy between those sort of heart rates right and you know what's funny by the way i i had never really thought about this i met with a buddy of mine who's a business coach and we were kind of having coffee and he was asking me all these random things about my you know just like what it's like to be a musician but he said something i thought was really interesting because he was like, what do you think is the most important thing to you about your work-life balance?

39:02And I was like, man, autonomy is a big thing for me, ability to move at the pace I want to or whatever. And he said something I thought was really interesting, because I kind of said that sort of shameful. I was kind of like, because if you compare me to most men my age, they're locked into these things and they're whatever. And he was like, man, that's actually kind of a superpower. hour. And it really took me aback because I was like, what do you mean? He said, well, most, he said, myself included, most men, because that's what I am, he said, wouldn't know how to do that. It would really be hard.

39:36It'd be hard for men to go, okay, Tuesday I have these things, Wednesday I have nothing, Thursday, Sunday in the morning, you know, and then, okay, next week is full, you know, and then the next week. And it really helped. It was kind of a grace to me, honestly, because it helped me realize, there are some weird strengths to being able. And I think to your point, Tony, it'd be interesting, especially going from, again, because you're right. I mean, in Nashville, John, whoever, there's a lot of my friends, if I can go like, hey, you want to go have lunch today? And they're like, yeah, I can meet you.

40:05A couple hours, cool. Because we have sort of a similar pace and structure of life. But I guess the thing I would ask you being in Birmingham, have you found that to be lonely? I mean, do you find yourself kind of going like your friends, you're texting and like, bro, let's get into it. You're going to work again? Are you around yesterday? Or I just sit next to them at their desk and I say, what's that? Is that a pencil? Wait, that sharpens pencils? Are you effing kidding me? You're like, this isn't, oh, these things work. I push a button and a paper comes out of that machine? This isn't like a set where nothing works?

40:42Exactly, right. Guys, the water came out of that sink. For real water. for reals water but like has there been some sense of i mean i would imagine that'd be a pretty big adjustment yeah it is i mean it's i think i will say at at this age i think it's generally tough to meet new friends you know and we have met a lot of great people and it takes time you know it takes like whenever you move places it takes time i really do miss my friends in LA a lot, but you know, it's just, we got to give it time. Just like we gave LA time. I gave New York time. I've got to give, you know, this time. Yeah. But yeah, it's, it is tricky.

41:23It's tricky. What's the response been from, you know, kind of your inner circle out in LA? Are there, are there other friends of yours that are like, well, I've kind of always been thinking of moving to Omaha. Yeah. Maybe I can do it. I mean, I don't know if it's been that, but they were very, I mean, everybody was bummed. Like I was, we were sad. I feel really bad for my, and it wasn't easy on my daughter. You know, my daughter goes to college, her childhood home, we had to sell it. You know, it's like, and it kind of broke my heart because she went to LA to visit her friends. And that's the, you remember in college, you would come back for Christmas and Thanksgiving and see your pals.

41:59And she's now coming to a totally different place. So she went to LA and I said, Hey sweetie, did you drive? Did you drive by our house? And she goes, no, oh, it just made me too sad. And I was like, okay, well, then just put that in the therapy file of another thing I'm adding to your layer. But it's, you know, that's hard. That's tough. So I forgot your question, but yeah. And I think too, just the loneliness, I think I would struggle with one, just community. But I think too, just knowing, because some people don't like this and you may be one of those because more people than I think in Nashville actually don't like this, I do.

42:34but like um having being able to talk about work in a conversational manner with a lot of people like some people i know are like i don't want to do that like i work and then i want to not talk about work but for me i like like what you're working on what you've been listening to how are those shows this week and whatever but if you i mean that's i'm assuming not as much as your common vernacular now from day to day is that something you miss or you like that do you know what actually that's a really good question because you're one good question i have one a show um But I think that tracks. You didn't do it word for word.

43:09Sorry. Next time. It's like an Aaron Sorkin movie where it's like word, word, word for word. That's right. But I, oh shit, I already forgot your question. What was it? Just the comment, like being around business. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Oh, this is what's interesting is now that I'm thinking about it. In LA, you have your really good friends. You don't really talk about your work. that much. I don't know if that's because, I don't know why that's because, you know, but it's, it's not, it's not necessarily because it's maybe because each relationship, there's a danger of it becoming transactional. Yeah.

43:49Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so you always want to protect that it doesn't become transactional. Yeah. So actually, if anything down here, people are very curious. Oh, wow. Your work. So it's, yeah, it's kind of fun to talk about it like i was exercising today at this i go to this um exercise place and we sign our name and this woman comes up to me goes you should have put you should have put buster bluth on the list and i was like ah yeah yeah yeah yeah fun but that's like yeah you know that's not it was sweet you know and it's like it's fun to like i don't know talk about it yeah yeah it's not such a taboo i guess maybe i always find that like i am really fascinated with people who have you know a more traditional nine to five job yeah and i i find that my friends who do which aren't that many because in nashville most people like david's saying you know don't really have they have a non-traditional job like we do but yeah the ones that do i really i'm like i actually do want to know like yes that little thing you just said yes about the spreadsheet i'm like i don't know what that is what do you do thank you thank you and i feel like somebody yeah they they don't want to talk about it maybe they don't want to talk about because they don't want to talk about it and that's fine but i feel like a lot of people don't want to talk about it because they think well this is boring no but i'm like it's what you do more than anything else that you do yeah and don't you have this i have this i want the simplest questions but i'm afraid to ask i'm like, how do you get the number in the grid?

45:25Oh my God. Yeah. Like, like you haven't, I mean, this is stuff I should know. Yeah. But it's like, everybody talks about Excel. Everybody talks about, I'm like, what, how does that add up? And where do I push return? If you drop an acronym on me that is business related, you would think you just told me the secrets to the galaxy. So I'm like, well, I had to drop that, you know, uh, OFK into it. And I'm like, stop, stop, stop. Please tell me exactly what that means. I don't know what that is. Because that is amazing. Because I'm still in Word Perfect Brain from 1989. With the little pen that would be like, are you sure this is the word you want to use?

45:59Remember that little guy that would pop up? Yes. What's the word I'm looking for? The little paper clip. Remember him? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Did you really mean, you know. Sticky note? I forgot. That was an old school Forky. That's true. It was exactly that. Do you know what I was thinking when you were talking about kind of people that are in the nine to five? And it's true. They'll say to me, gosh, I don't know if I could do it. I don't know if I could do it. And we're so used to the freelance. I genuinely have no idea where the work is going to come from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm renovating a house, so take me out.

46:38But then again, because people say, I don't know how I could do it, but there's that part of me, and I never say it, but there's a part of me that's like, the truth is you don't really know you're going to have a job. No, you don't. That's right. That's right. Next year. That's right. And there is kind of this kind of blind faith that's put into these steady gigs or jobs that people have. When in actuality, life is so chaotic. You really don't know you're going to have that. And that's where it actually, it's so funny you said that, that is where actually ours becomes a superpower. Because if you really zoom in tight on anyone's life, which is terrifying, and thank goodness God tells us not to do this.

47:17But when I really start going like, what's going to happen tomorrow? That is where we actually have a super power that most don't. Because it's like, oh, I don't know. And if you really had to sit with somebody like, hey, you realize you can be fired tomorrow? They'd be like, oh my God, what would I do? I'd be like, oh, well, I mean, I'm kind of fired after every gig. I mean, it's like. Oh, totally. We're used to the walk of faith. That's right. I'm very, very, very used. And I'm used to like, when I'm on a job, I got to wake myself up to that job and be present on that job because I have no idea what the next one's coming from.

47:44Well, and you know, I told John, this was something that was so fascinating to me. And I know it might have just been a joke in passing because you're funny and we're both funny. And that was such a common vernacular between you and me being one of your funniest friends. But when you texted back about, I just said, I think I said something to the effect of like, I know you're busy. Thanks for the time to do the dadville. We're excited about it. And you said something about always looking for a gig. And it really struck me because I was like, yes, that could be funny because obviously you're funny.

48:10But is there some part of that that you do feel? because again, and I know you get asked this probably a million times, but the way that I perceive your career is it's like, I don't, I literally can't think of someone that I think is busier. I feel like I see you all the time. If you're not, if it's a movie, it's a TV show, it's your voiceover. And it's fun because I'm like, oh, that's Tony. Like, look, there's Tony. But, but, and so it may be like, if you're shopping for van, all you see is Vans. You know, it's like, if you, if you see your friend, all you see is, but, but, because I know you, I see you more or I'd notice you more, but I do think of you as successful and you're working and you're going, but is there some part of you that that text is true where you're kind of like, oh, I don't know.

48:52Oh, always. I think it's Dustin Hoffman who said maybe that every job he's on, he thinks it's going to be his last job. I mean, this is the time when my wife should step in and go, let me tell you the real story that goes on BTS. Because it is very, and it's not just that, you mentioned it before and it's true. You don't, not only do you not know where your next job is, but when you guys might not experience this, I experienced this, experienced this so much. There is so much rejection in my business. You are, you are signing up for a career of somebody saying, not you. And so when you, for 30 years, you want a job or you're up for a job and then somebody else gets it.

49:34It is such a part of the business of just, you're constantly either they want you and they went out to a bigger name or they want you and they went for a completely different type or, I mean, it's, it's so crazy. You're so used to that rejection. So there's something in you that's like, well, I'm kind of waiting for someone to say, like, I think I told this to you guys, maybe, but when Toy Story came out and I'm not kidding, it wasn't until I heard my voice in the trailer that I thought that I wasn't cut because I, in my head, and it's, this has happened by the way before with, with animated movies, cause they can replace your voice easily.

50:14Whereas in on camera, they can't do that. So I was like, Oh, they're going to get a bigger name. And when I heard my voice in the trailer, like two months or a month and a half before it came out, I was like, okay, I'm locked in. Wow. Because you just don't know. So it kind of, that kind of caters into that, we'll see. We'll see. A little bit of that anxiety. There is something that is so akin to... So part of my career is songwriting for other people. And I can't tell you how much that is so the same thing. Because you can... I mean, that's the joke in Nashville in the songwriting community, because that's a part of my life too, is we love the song.

50:54They're going to record it. She loves it. She went in the studio to record it. And the smart people, like you're saying, I mean, John and I, and you have done these jobs for a long time. You learn the hard way. Like, great. Sounds great. Can't wait to hear it. Because the minute I go, oh, my gosh, they're like, oh, Dave, so sorry. I mean, one of my career jokes, and it's actually back here on a plaque, but there was a song I had recorded by a country artist named Billy Currington. It was one of my first big cuts that I got. It was on the front cover, front sticker featuring these songs, was one of my songs.

51:23and I mean I was like let's get this here we go by the boat babe we're good you know exactly and it was my first brush with this uh hey Dave uh he we're doing a second a different single second it's gonna be the third you know we're on the third single it may and then it just disappeared and I remember being like but it was on the front sticker and so you learn as a songwriter like yes you just it is not until I mean I had a buddy of mine send me a video of him singing years ago the song in the studio and i was still like yeah it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it does and also this is sad to say but words don't mean anything they don't they don't hollywood is there's a lot of words yeah and you just have to go oh like your point like oh that's nice yes that's we'll see we'll see that's really nice you know you would know this way more than we would but i think it is the same in in both scenarios with the album that dave's talking about and some role there are a a million reasons why yeah you might not get that role it's not that you you didn't do a good audition no you might you may have crushed it and there may be a budget thing or there may be yes the director loves you but like the the studio feels like they got to go a different direction what it could be so many and you have no control oh god i had i had an experience Well, I had many experiences.

52:47One, I remember I was auditioning for this movie. I won't say the movie, but I was auditioning for this movie, and the director stood up in the audition room, started clapping, and said, Oh, my gosh. Finally. Okay, when I book you. So that's what he said. Wow. So, of course, this was years ago, and I remember calling my wife and being like, Oh, well, we need to get a sitter because we're going to Vancouver for three months. They obviously found somebody else. And I was like, Ouch, that. And then I was attached to this movie over Christmas. It was, I remember it was during Christmas and I was attached to this other big movie.

53:23And this was a go. It was a go. And then something happened in the world that they couldn't shoot in this Pacific area. And the entire thing was canceled. Holy cow. And it's that kind of thing like, wow, until I'm on set, until I've signed the papers. Yeah. You know, and even that, you hear of movies that have been shot and then somebody gets canceled or whatever. and it doesn't get released. I mean, you have no idea. That's why I go back to, which I suck at, staying present. Just staying present.

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54:31I mean, I'm going to have to sprint. Then you see that purple shop button. Oh, here we go. It's got all your payment and shipping info safely stored, so you're good to go. Purchase made, off to bed. I'm going to sleep before she even gets in the room. That's right. I'm not really asleep, but I'm faking it. That's Shopify, John. And there's a reason so many businesses sell with it, because Shopify makes it incredibly easy to start and run your business. By the way, Annie got an alert on her phone on how much I spent, but it was okay, because it was gifts for her. Oh, yeah. That's Shopify. It's the commerce platform behind 10%.

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58:10Well, you know, I look back at seasons like where I've been struggling with anxiety. and I'm kind of in one now. And it's so funny if I trace it. I just signed a new publishing deal that I'm so excited about, but now I'm thinking about those things again. And I'm like, to your point, I just think that's a very astute observation you said about city centers. And I think it applies. It's like in this scenario, which the way I would apply it is, what are these things that bring, that just kind of kick my heart rate up a little bit without me knowing it? And I think to your point, one of the things that's tricky about what we do is that there is this sense of you just don't know.

58:49And so I think as much as me, you, John, all these people that do these careers, you get good at it. You don't ever escape this thing that's just this low-level hum of like, I don't know, man. And I think knowing I'm going to start writing songs for people again, it's like, boy, just get ready for all that rejection again. Because it's what you said. it's just rejection after rejection and then oh that worked okay and then yeah reject and it's not kind of stepping on you're kind of stepping on the hamster wheel again yes a little bit which is which is tricky and but the beautiful the beautiful thing is i'm very curious about your journey with this next thing because even though you're going to struggle i'm going to struggle in the next thing there's a little growth there's a little more growth absolutely from the last time that you know okay i see that red flag yeah i'm not gonna i'm not gonna carry that yeah you know and even though i mean this last job i had i still found myself falling into some some patterns but it was a little better yeah yeah you know it's that kind of thing well i think yeah i wonder well go ahead john i've been talking too much no i was just gonna say it's i'm 43 now and i i know if you know if i were in hollywood i could play much younger but at this point i you are really thank Why is every high school drama comedy not calling you?

1:00:08John has been getting the Zac Efron parts. And then I would get the quirky vice principal that's like, you guys, you guys, what are you doing again? If you don't buckle down. Jonathan, get out of the locker room. Is that a cigarette? Exactly. Exactly. No, I was going to say, at 43, I do feel like, like you're saying, Tony, like, I do feel like I weathered these storms much better. But the way that I weathered them is not the way that I thought I would have grown when I was 23. I don't feel like I have got to some place where, like, they don't bother me. It's more like I just can't get worried about that thing again.

1:00:56Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's more like this is the 49th time that I have seen this red flag. I can't get that worried again. You know, I think it's something also to acknowledge is I think it's also healthy. You know, when I talk about my codependency and all this kind of stuff and I make jokes about it, there's the other side of it's like, Tony, you're thinking about others. You know, you're caring about others. And it's like when you're getting nervous on your job, that also shows that you really care about your work. you know and like if i'm going on stage and i feel like i'm about to have a panic attack you know it's because i care you know so there's always that kind of you know it's not all awful it just comes from a good place it's just gotten a little off the track well it's a it's a common thing in like artists creative uh circles to sort of be resistant to any kind of growth when it comes to anxiety and stuff like that and the quirks because it's like well what if that's part of the magic sauce whatever i've got then what if what if i lose it and then i'm healthy and i have no work yeah gosh totally totally totally totally you don't want to be completely grounded nobody nobody wants to hang with that guy nobody wants that guy don't give me a bunch of songs about how i'm fine with what life happens everything's pretty good i'm well adjusted exactly yeah i i do want to ask you about you mentioned earlier that your your daughter loy is uh she's starting her sophomore year of college yeah is that right so you this is new uh yeah empty nester phase yeah and i think about i actually was thinking when we interviewed you last you were kind of in the phase where i'm kind of am right now i have two girls um and i think about empty nest transition so much i always have thought about it i think i think it's you know it's teetering on healthy and unhealthy of course sure but i i am so worried about you know a i just want to see these girls be able to function in the world you know i just want them to be able to live and b i you know i don't want them to leave and then amy and i have that classic we turn and look at each other and we're like i forget who you are yeah you know which i don't think that we i think because of i've been so neurotic about this yeah hopefully that will stave that off but yeah what's that transition been like for you guys um we are loving it um but i at the same time i like whatever's about to follow i like whatever's about to follow but at the same time we're in therapy 24 7 no you have a live-in therapist oh that's why you guys donnie come here uh i um at the same time it's i guess it's just like everything there are times we look at each other and it's like who are we yeah you know yeah we got it we got it you again and we have to work on this and we got to go out and we have to, you know, also we're in a new place.

1:04:11There's been a lot of transition. So we have to, we're for each other because in times of stress, it can seem like we're against each other. You know, I guess what I'm saying is you're going to have those times rather than be afraid of them. They're going to pop up, but you're going to, again, back to that care thing, you're going to care so much about the relationship that you're going to work on it. My thing is what I always go back to is it is it will really mess with your identity. you know like especially me leaving LA especially my daughter going because I can't I can't ignore the fact that so much of my identity is wrapped up in being a dad so much of my identity is wrapped up in being Tony the actor and it's like and not beating myself up for it because that's a very natural thing but it's like okay um when i'm 85 and if i have given too much investment into that i just that identity and all that goes away i mean not my daughter's not going to go away but it's like she's going to be living her life and acting is not going to be as you know maybe good as it is now who am i yeah you know and that was a huge part of moving back here because it's like Like I got it.

1:05:26My definition is not to sound super spiritual, but it's like God loves me. I am a human being on this earth. I love people. I can serve people, whatever. It's like finding the core of that rather than how I have, you know, very naturally just because of circumstances can define it other ways. Right. Yeah. That is. John and I have talked about this amongst each other too. I don't know why empty nesting has been on so much top of my mind too. maybe it's your fault john but i do think it's always john's well welcome to dadville um so so with her being in school how do you what is y 'all's relationship change like what does that look like now as a dad yeah what does it look like um loy and i have the best time i love hanging out with her like we always like go to dinner and we chat and i kind of like to hear where she has where she is but on a day-to-day basis she always calls my wife like she'll which i love like she's very honest with her which i'm so grateful for whatever's happening in her life she's she'll call her and then you're just hoping to like the thermostat breaks thank you like she called me with like you know how she wants me to book a ticket for a plane yeah or like she'll she called me yesterday because her car died and she needed someone to jack like she didn't know how to jack the battery and stuff like that so and so and then she'll then i'll be hearing in the other phone like her just yapping my wife about other stuff and i'm like oh hello um but when she's home like that's when we tend to we'll go out for coffee and we'll chat and like we went to the beyonce concert together all this kind of stuff like that's where we kind of connect yeah that is a transition i'm excited about but i am i'm dreading isn't the right word but i just think um so how old are each of yours they stair step so so we have eighth grade seventh grade fifth grade fourth fifth grade fit to fifth and then but age wise i'm surprised you didn't go with age sorry i mean why did i even start they go 13 12 11 10 9 okay yeah you guys are you guys are busy that's yeah you guys are those those those busy i will say the the if there was a heartbreaking time for me it was not i did cry when i dropped her off at college and my daughter i don't think my daughter ever see me cry she was like uh-oh what's happening are you researching for a role but um when she was little and stopped wanting to hold my hand and when she that that that middle school when she which i get you know the cool stuff came in and she didn't want that was like oh okay that that's that definitely stung yes the ship is starting to jettison a little bit yeah my my youngest um just kind of stopped doing that yeah like they you know how the the the the younger one is always older i don't know how to say this but like like the younger one is as old as the oldest in the house yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah so she my uh livy would kind of like you know she she stopped doing a lot of those kind of like little kid cuddling things but she would always when we would walk to school she would always when we were crossing a street would just grab my hand.

1:08:57Like mid-conversation would just grab my hand. And I would be the guy walking so slow across the crosswalk. And I'm just feeling her hand in my hand. I know. And she doesn't do that anymore. No. That doesn't happen anymore. You know, it's funny. Zanna, my daughter, had a friend. And ever since this conversation, it clicks. I'm in her brain. But I think this is the cutest thing ever. her friend every i think every day she comes down stairs and she's in fit she's in the fifth grade my daughter she jumps into her dad's arms because they've said you never like there's gonna be a day when you don't want to do this and so they both it's a sweet little father son moment or daughter where it's like okay this is like today it's not today it's not today it's something in zanna's brain clicked and so now she does that with me we won't do it every day but she'll always so it's like it's made her more affectionate that way where she's like she'll grab my hand more and i'm like thank you for whatever happened in that moment.

1:09:55And being the only daughter, she's sandwiched by brothers. So I think she feels more of that sort of heart level stuff than my two retrobates do. Prisoners. What did I say? Sorry. Let's go to prisoners. Yeah. I would always sing to Loy when she was little. Right before she went to bed, I would sing the song, like I'm so proud of you. And then she didn't want to hear it anymore. Yeah. And I was like, well, I'm going to go take my life in the bathroom. see you never i'm just imagining like every now and then she picks up the phone at school and she and she starts dad no and i'm so proud speaker as you're crying i'm so proud of you so selfishly i always whenever i'm talking to a guest who has been through the middle school years because we are we're in the thick of it um you are you know i i am always looking for any kind of guidance or whatever but is there is there anything that you look back on and it doesn't have to be specific to those years but just in general um that you're like man i'm glad that i i kept doing that thing or i'm glad that i pushed through in this way you know what i mean yeah i mean man i think i have regrets my one regret i remember this one time and i've told this to my daughter so many times recently and she's like dad please stop asking forgiveness for this one time because i got really angry at her for something so stupid and i just got kind of like i was just like don't do it i was just like really angry and i just remember her face in that moment just this kind of like shocked face and i think it just plays in my head and so like two or three times i'm like hey loy do you remember this time she's like dad if you mention that time again because it's me trying it's my own guilt yeah like now now the damage is this exactly it's the iteration you're opening the wound but i look back on that time and i i mean obviously i would if i could go back it's back to that present stuff because everything in me is thinking about work it's thinking about how am i going to fill five hours with this child it's thinking all this kind of stuff rather than just I mean honestly you hear the story over and over that's why grandparents love kind of that second chance because they're a lot more present all that but I do think Loy and I just did a lot like we would do stuff together like we would go even if it was not like that like learning experience we would literally go to the mall all the time and we would just walk around the mall i genuinely think she learned to walk on a playground mall experience than like the grass yeah because we just would go that and i i don't that's what i get so excited about that like to this day we'll just like walk around the mall you know i don't know if that's answering your question yeah no it is i do look back because because those middle school years are a roller coaster, you know?

1:13:08And the more that I was just like, this has nothing to do with me. This has nothing to do with me. And also my wife and I would always remind each other, just think of how you were in middle school. I was just, I was, I was hormones and a nose. I literally had one large nose and was just a walking hormone and just smelled and just didn't know. hated swimming it was like i was nose i was a nose on a stick and i was so bullied and didn't know who was my friend and i think good lord somehow i got through that yeah you know somehow by the grace of god i got through that and she's going through her own stuff yeah yeah that's great uh you're the you're a legend tony thank you for hanging um because i I know you have another workout.

1:14:01I was really looking forward to this because I missed you guys because I haven't seen you in so long. I know, it's been a long time. And now I'm only three hours from Nashville. I know. So I can do a little road trip. Don't you. And we can hang out and go to that place, that cowgirl, what is it called? It's like cow, it has great pizza bites. I feel like this is a strip club. Cowgirl pizza bites? It's cowgirl pizza bites. No, it's outdoors. Oh, that hotel that's also a - I don't think it's a hotel. I think it's in East Nashville And it's Cow something Urban Cowboy This is going to be the rest of the podcast Like I said I feel like this is a strip club Oh this isn't a strip club The number of strip clubs I've been into Nashville Let me just save a list No I thought it was like Cow something But it's like an outdoor area They have a really cool bar And then they have like pizza bites Oh I love that place so much Seth Worley took it to you I blame him it wasn't a strip joint is it a Nashville Pizza Hut but just sort of a Nashville okay it was Domino's and everybody had Western gear so I bought and surprisingly I think I've had a fever dream that started that exact same way hold on well anyways it worked with when you're when you're editing this podcast and you figure out what that is or I figure just cut that in this will be at the beginning just to kind of give people a taste of what they're in for.

1:15:29Yeah, just that. Just a minute of us. Is it the one that's over? You know what, this is just one big no answer podcast. Okay, so we always end with the lightning round. And I know you, yeah. And I know you have another workout I know this afternoon that you got scheduled. So we want to get you back to that. Yeah, why three? So buckle up, because here we go. I'll ask the first one. Okay. What would be the character? All right, so let me set this up. This is more fun if I set it up this way. I love everything about a lightning round. Okay, good, because this is a good one. This is good. You get a text from a director you've always wanted to work with.

1:16:08So let's say this afternoon, bing, you look down, he's like, Tony, I've got the role for you. Everybody's so excited. Is that the text sound? What's your sound right now? It's in LA. They have a different sound. Mine is. Yeah, because the bing didn't sound right. The bing didn't sound right. I knew that was it. And I've heard that my whole life. but you in in that moment then he sends you part of the script and you realize oh no what would that character be what is the character like oh please don't i can't do that that's oh and i don't mean like it's you know it's some like rapist that's not but like what is the one you'd be like oh i don't know what if i was like because that's fine um uh what i couldn't do or just you'd be like oh this is i'm not sure i can pull this off i don't know what that i don't know what that is but let me tell you a quick story so my wife cracks me up and i remember coming to her once and saying sweetheart there's this role that i was offered and i'm really nervous about it because it's really dark and i'm nervous the only thing she said is how much no and i said sweetheart i i'm i don't that's not really the issue right now she's like yeah it is because we got a house to furnish yeah we can pay for therapy with that money how much we can pay for therapy with and i was like okay well we need we know where our priorities stand yeah um i don't know what that would be though um i mean this is a classic thing for me though because i think probably 20 years ago and this is not a lightning round now but 20 years ago i was very drawn on the line of like what i would do and what i would yeah yeah yeah now it's really dependent on the story wow i mean it's really something that i thought i wouldn't do in the past um i'm if i if it's i really believe in the story and to tell that character truthfully yeah i would you know do it do you think that's second half of life stuff i think it's oh don't you love that richard roer book yeah um have you I think so.

1:18:14Yeah. I think so because, A, life is really messy, and if you're going to tell a story authentically, sometimes you're going to play a character that's, you know, very different than you. Yeah. That's good. All right. Question number two. I love this question. This one will be quick. Who's your favorite Alabama football coach? Oh, my gosh. Okay. You can use Google for 20 seconds if you need to. No, I'm not. Okay. I'm not. Okay. the only reason i'm going to say this is why i did know this but i'm going to say nick saban because i just saw him in an aflac commercial that's amazing and so him and i have common ground now now you do you're both alabama people um what's the role you haven't played that you want to play um oh man i'm so always so thankful for gigs the role i wouldn't have i don't know I mean, I think I really did enjoy doing sketch.

1:19:09I liked playing things a little more grounded. So, you know, I think I've gotten that question so many times and I never have an answer because I think it's because I've had so much for K weird roles that to pinpoint one, you know, I just wouldn't know what that would be. That's cool. All right, dinner with four people. Who are they? Alive or dead. Alive or dead. Alive or dead. Dead, Dave Barnes. dead john um uh a lot of the dead version yeah i was gonna say well i'd say after this is over um oh you meant career dead sorry oh yeah yeah yeah dave barnes okay yeah no we can do that here um who would i have alive or dead um dang these are questions okay i would say henry nowen oh yeah because he just his writing is incredibly impactful for me um tim keller um tim conway from carol burnett show oh this is one of the best answers we've ever had and i would say the fourth would be i met her which is very exciting but i would say they were on the same show, but I would say Carol Burnett.

1:20:31You know, a pairing that I would, there's maybe not an amount of money I wouldn't pay to watch these two people sit and just like riff would be Tim Conway and Martin Short. Yeah. His or Martin Short as Jiminy Glick. Oh, and Tim. That would be unbelievable. Jiminy Glick is, my wife and I laugh so hard at his and it's not even his jokes that he says in there it's how comfortable he is how fluid that stuff comes out of his brain it is fascinating to watch yeah his interview with bill hater yeah one of my favorites oh so good and just so awkward oh and mean so mean yeah unbelievably mean yeah um okay what is the tv feature of a movie you wish you'd been in oh man that okay i wish i would been i would say i mean i can only say like because it's one of my top five is punch drunk love oh wow i loved it's between that or lars and the real girl because those are two movies that i just absolutely love and to be a part of that world would have been how creative those two movies are yeah very very creative.

1:21:50Gosh, I haven't thought about Punch Drunk Love in a while. I'm glad you brought that up. That's good. Okay, this is the final question. What's your favorite ice cream? Favorite white lion white ladies of Orange County. They have pizza bites. I feel like it's outdoors. They do. They are in western wear. White ladies of Orange County.

1:22:17Is that our title? It is. Now it is. It sounds like a terrible wine. Just awful white wine. It's on one of the Bravo shows for sure. Oh, for sure it is. Gotta be. If you wrote a screenplay about being a dad, what would it be called? If I wrote a screenplay about being a dad, what would it be about? What would it be about or what it would be called? What would it be called? It would be called, I think, Lifeline. Oh, wow. Lifeline. It has been my, and God, but, and having Loy, I think was a real, just beautiful focus and lifeline for my life. Wow. Yeah. That's good. Well, Tony, you're a legend. We're going to do a fake ending.

1:23:11Remember John, Jason told us to do this. That's true. So we're going to do like a. Both of you guys have really held onto those follicles, those hair follicles, man. Well, we're sponsored by Nutrafol. Are you? No, John. It's not. Don't even start. Don't even start. Now they're gone. Look at that. There we go. Boom. Thank you so much for doing this. Yeah, you're the best. Thank you, guys. I'm looking forward to hanging out in person now that I'm closer, so we've got to do that. Yeah. Where would you guys take me in Nashville if I were to come? There's a place that has pizza bites, and it's a Western theme, and I can't remember.

1:23:45So you want snap buttons on that button down? You can find some boots. But not many snaps. Just a couple. Just for access.

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