"Imposter syndrome robs you of being in the now" (Murugiah bonus episode)

0:00Radim Malinic:Hey, welcome to another bonus episode of the Daring Creativity Podcast. I'm back to unpack some of the gems from this week's conversation, pulling out those moments that deserve a second look and dig deeper in what makes them special. This week, I spoke to Murugiah, who is a London-based, multidisciplinary artist trained in architecture, working across illustration, fine art and design. In our conversation, we talked about following the fun, the danger of chasing reward, and why the most personal thing you can make is always the most powerful. The episode published a few days ago was titled Dare to Find Radical Empathy for People Around You.

0:35Radim Malinic:And even though we mostly try to put focus on Murugaya's upcoming exhibition project, we've uncovered many sides to his artistry and humility. If you haven't checked out a full episode, let me share with you these four standout moments. I had no real expectations. I was just very happy and content with these pieces I was making. They felt truly personal to me. The work I was making from 2019 up to 2023 was about developing a visual aesthetic, but it didn't really have this very core emotional thing that I'm obsessed with, this connecting with your feelings, this sensitivity. I wasn't ready to put it in the work at that point.

1:17It was very much about describe or present a visual aesthetic of bright colors, busy compositions, influenced by South Asian culture and Western upbringing. But now it's time to just turn the dial up a little bit more and add this emotional heft to each piece. So personally, I just felt very confident in presenting those ideas. So I thought it was the right time to speak to someone about it and see if I could share them with somebody. And luckily, very luckily they responded in a big way i've decided to pick that this moment because

1:53Radim Malinic:it's kind of so easy to miss in a conversation but it's so important to the whole narrative because when you think about it the element of joy and it kind of takes me back to my conversation with pj richardson when i'd be recorded at off festival is the element of joy and the contentment with what you're making that actually creating something which is personal feels really good. Because we've been conditioned to believe that ambitions requires anger and then the big results often would demand big expectations. But Murugaya kind of blowed that apart because when he sent his email to Quentin Blake Center, it wasn't a calculated career move.

2:36Radim Malinic:It just came from a place of genuine contentment. He was making the work and was already in motion, already doing the work, already satisfied with what he was making. And this makes him sound grounded exactly in the way that made this opportunity possible because he wasn't desperate, let's be honest. He was just curious of where he might go. So it makes you think that when you're not attached to the outcome, you move freely. You send the email and you don't wait to feel ready. And sometimes the world responds in ways you have never dared to plan for. I've said it just now, I transitioned from architecture to illustration and art in 2012, but my true love was art and movies when I was 18.

3:24So it was 20 years since I went to architecture school. It's been a long time, let's say. So finally living in the moment, living in the present, just exploring what you want to explore next. But that comes with a lot of privilege, right? I have enough clients and work. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle every month, every year. Brutal honesty, I made half as much money as I did the previous two years this year. I made half as much money. My income dropped from whatever to half of that. And that is scary stuff. That is a result of surrounding factors in the world, is a result of politics, of wars and all sorts.

4:07it did not stop me from wanting to explore painting sculpture personality humanity because those are the core theme of who i am underneath so i will always find a way of presenting this

4:22Radim Malinic:work in whatever way i can i think there is a really important part in our industry to be honest about the fact that your income can dip but often your happiness can actually raise and I've got a first-hand story about something similar where you choke the income in favor of having space to grow and explore and move forward and in Murugaya's story he didn't dress it up he didn't really frame that financial difficulty as a romantic sacrifice or a badge of creative honor he calls it what it is it is scary and then he keeps going anyway because the narrative we tell ourselves about a creative carriage often leaves out a very human weight of uncertainty bills do exist anxiety exists i call it a monthly cycle you know like every month you need to have enough to pay everything and everyone and that can be very um counterproductive to a creative work because in this instance the gap between what he earned last year what he's earning this year it can be a genuinely difficult thing to sit with.

5:28Radim Malinic:But Murugaya holds all of that and still chooses to paint, to sculpt, to explore, not because he's immune to fear, because abandoning the core of what he is would cost him far more. And this is what a real commitment really looks like. Not fearlessness, but choosing the work anyway. Thank you, Radan. A debut show at the ripe old age of 38 years old, having not decided to put on any exhibitions in white box galleries in West London or East London or wherever. But it wasn't something I was looking for. It just happened this way. I mentioned Talented earlier. It's a result of a lot of hard work. It's not born from nothing.

6:14It comes from working extremely hard and presenting the work after many years of developing it. That's what I call talent. It's hard work.

6:24Radim Malinic:I think it was an interview with Ed Sheeran who said that lots of people tell him like, oh my gosh, you're very talented. And he says, no, no, no. It's taken me about eight to nine years to get to this point where I can do something like this. We often love to believe that the idea of talent is very romantic. It suggests that some people are simply built differently, that greatness arrives fully formed like a gift. Murugaya here isn't having any of it, though, is he? He's speaking from experience, not theory. The work he's showing at the Quentin Blake Center represents years of deliberate, unglamorous development, transitioning from architecture to illustration, building a visual aesthetic through pandemic, then pushing further into emotional depth then further again into acrylic painting none of this was accidental it was chosen repeatedly over a long time and when we reframe talent as the visible result of invisible effort it stops being something you either have or you don't it starts being something you build and that's far more useful and that's far more honest story to tell the pursuit of the next yeah i was right to talk about real quick you mentioned about questioning oneself and imposter syndrome right it robs you of being in the present it robs you of being in the now asking am i doing the right thing just be another thing i've been doing is following the fun which is it which helps you be in the present right i've done these paintings now for quite a while.

7:59I've had this opportunity in the new exhibition to explore some sculptural works. Now I'm thinking, right, follow the fun. I had a lot of fun on these sculptural works. Paintings are a joy to make. They've become part of what I do, so I can just keep doing them now. What can I add on top? And it's not about growing in that ego way. It's more fun to me to explore things three-dimensionally next. You're turning these slowly and slowly.

8:27Radim Malinic:In this instance, I would say Murugaya is really discussing imposter syndrome with a practical clarity. Let's be honest. Imposter syndrome lives in a gap between where you are and where you think you should be. It's a future-facing anxiety dressed up as self-awareness. But fun, curiosity, genuine play, those are only available right now in this moment, in this piece of work. when we when murugaya moved into sculpture for the first time as part of this exhibition he wasn't thinking about whether he deserved to be there he was just enjoying the process and that joy it turns out is both the antidote and the answer

9:08Radim Malinic:thank you for joining me on this bonus episode um there's far more many uh moments like this in my conversation with murugaya i can only encourage you to go and check out the full episodes and hopefully go and check out his show at the Quentin Blake Center for Illustration. Thank you for being here and I'll catch you next week on the next one. If you enjoyed this episode and would like more accessible resources to help you discover your daring creativity, you can pick up one of my books on themes of mindful creativity, creative business, branding and graphic design. Every physical book purchase comes with a free digital bundle including an ebook and audiobook to make the content accessible wherever you are and whatever you do.

9:52Radim Malinic:To get 10 % of your order visit novemberuniverse.co.uk and use the code podcast. Have a look around and start living daringly.