Chapter 31 - The Answer She Doesn't Have the Question To

0:00Jared here. I live in the desert. The actual desert. It's hot right now. I need clothes that are summer friendly and that's why I look to Quince for affordable products that fit this and every season. Friends, Quince has 100 % European linen pants and shirts that start as low as$34 and are so soft and breathable. Everything they sell is priced 50 to 80 % lower than similar brands. They work with ethical factories and cut out the middleman so you're getting great quality at a great price without brand markups. And it's not just shirts and pants. I'm wearing one of their belts right now. I love this one from Quince because it's so comfy and such high quality.

0:38And I'm a big fan of candles. In my experience, with theirs has been great. Coastal dune smells so nice, makes the whole house smell amazing. I've been burning it a little every day. Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to quince.com slash desert skies for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash desert skies for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash desert skies. Edgar said to the interviewer he was convinced that the thing out there wasn't a vault. Yeah, I know what he thought. Dr. Edgar didn't think it was designed to keep things out.

1:16I know what he thought. He thought it was designed to keep something in. Do you even understand the difficulty trying to keep a base like Fathom at the bottom of the ocean from killing everyone in it on a daily basis? Oh my God. Everyone hold on to something. I think whatever is on the other side of that door out there, it's not friendly. I think it's trying to get out. That, my friend, is a dire combination. That's a bad sign. Get out of the door! It's spreading like some kind of technological contagion. We can either stop it here or watch the world burn. Fathom, the first season of Derelict.

1:58Listen wherever you get your podcasts or learn more at derelictpodcast.com.

2:14Hi friends, I'm glad to see all your smiling faces in my mind. Does that sound creepy? Welcome to chapter 31, the answer she doesn't have the question to. Before today's episode, I want to say a huge thanks to the following new members of Club 86.

2:57Ashton Dembski, Jared Cross, fantastic first name, Jake from State Farm, and Graveyard. Love you guys. Love the names. Club 86 is a great way to support the show. Depending on the tier, you get everything from ad-free episodes to exclusive merch, multiple bonus series, including two new series that are now releasing, the five-part Meanwhile Back at the Station, and episodes of Astral Plane FM, which will release between every main episode, forever and all time or until season three ends, or I get hit by a Buick Skylark when I'm crossing the road. Just visit patreon.com forward slash desert skies to join.

3:37That's patreon.com forward slash desert skies. Or you can find the link in the show notes. And that's a fact. Num num num. I hope you enjoy the show.

3:52This episode was made by a human for humans and coyotes for the best listening experience. Headphones and human-made art are recommended.

4:12You know, it's funny. I don't usually go looking for contestants. I prefer to let them come to me. But I have a vested interest in your success. I know you're in there. Come out. Let's talk. What do we do? Going out there seems like a... stupid idea. It could be dangerous. Cash? How could he know? Please come out. Well, I'd hate to have to crush your cute little bar. So, he's an asshole. Guys, stay here. Let me talk to him. No way. You're not going out there alone. Mech, I'm not in danger. I'm the one in a metal frame, and the one whose soul can move about uninhibited by a body. There's nothing he can do to me.

5:07Oh, yeah. Just stay here. I'll be right back.

5:16What'd he say? He says the bar has a hibernation den underneath. He wants everyone to move down there. Guys, go. Please. It'll be easier for me to talk with him if I'm not worried that he's going to crush you. All right. I feel emasculated. Aw, that's so cute. Come on. Let's go to the den and you can arm wrestle some bears. And I'll bet you I win. I bet you will. Come on. Nani, you're the best. I know. Good luck, Cash. Thanks, Nani. Here it goes.

6:20Oh wow. So you're back in the cash about frame. How do you know so much about us? Sweetheart, I know everything about you and a whole lot of other things too. Rumor has it you know a bit about me. Yes, but not much. Well, you're not gonna learn a whole lot about me right now. I'm a little shy. And private. Why are you so big? See? I just told you I'm not interested in sharing at the moment. Why are you here? I have something you need. You have something I need. Go ahead, ask me. I know you'll want to. Do you truly know how to traverse time and space? Sea-walk-waddle. She told you I'm a liar. How she, above all people, can say that.

7:20I'm not a liar. So I'm gonna level with you. Do I know how to traverse time and space? In a way. But to actually go from here to say, Paris, March 17th, 1731? No, I don't know how to do that... yet. But I've been so close to figuring it out for such a long time. You look disappointed. I had hoped. Oh, Lily. You really want to give life another go, huh? Don't say my name so loud. How do you know my name? I'm the Grand Trivia Lizard. And I love a good fact. Your name is Lily, and that name's a fact. Just like Oliver and Stella and Calvin are facts. I know everything about you. Please, keep it down.

8:17Oh yeah, that's right. You like keeping secrets, don't you, Lily? Like, oh, I don't know. Like how you haven't told them that it's your fault they're dead. I swear, if you... You'll what? You'll shoot me with your little laser finger? Girlfriend, I will crush your robot frame. And I will eat your Skylark! Your astral body's still in the trunk. It'll be like the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop. What do you want from me? Two things, actually. First, I'd like for you to play my game. You like trivia? Of course you do. Who doesn't? N-now? No. I need you to finish your little astral quest first.

9:07Why? So you can win my trivia game! Nobody's ever won first place, you know. Her, Stella, she came close. She came so close. She tried so hard. How do we win? It's easy. Collect a bunch of facts that I don't already know, and come tell them to me. The juicier the better. That's it? That's how we win? No. That's just the price of entry. Stella has given me more astral facts than anyone. I gave her one of my scales as a little prize. Hurt like hell. She's really quite the explorer, isn't she? Of course, that makes sense, right? Lily, to win the first prize, you only have to answer the answer. That's it.

10:07Answer the answer? What does that even mean? Before you woke up on the physical plane, before you even confronted Olenus, and saved your friends in that cavern, the Prime Mover found you, and gave you a message. That message was private. Nothing is private with me, Lily. Do you remember what he told you? Yes. Say it. I don't want to. Come on. We both know I already know. Just say it. Seven, Snake, Rain, Rabbit, 0190079MM113, the gate opens. Nice try. Not 113. 115. You think you're the only one with a photographic memory? Wow, I'm so impressed. You should be. What does it mean, Lily? You're smart.

11:02Surely you have theories. Even if I did, I wouldn't share them with you. Now see? That's foolish. You need my help if you want to get home. If you want to make things right. We're going to find the gate by ourselves. And we're going to go through it. End of story. The location of the gate is just one part of the puzzle. How would you know? Because I have the other piece. Without it, you can't go home. Please, Lily. I've spent so long trying to uncover the solution to this backwards riddle. How? The Prime Mover only just told me a relatively short while ago. Never mind how. So, if I find the answer to this riddle...

11:49No, no, no. That's the thing. You've been thinking of it all wrong. You've been trying to answer a question. But the code isn't the question. It's the answer to a question. What question? Exactly. That's the answer. That makes no sense. Wouldn't the question just be, what does the code mean? You would think, but no. What makes you say that? Because we keep tabs on the Prime Mover when we can. Long ago, we tracked him to the 32nd sphere. He left a mysterious note in the library. It was the code, and underneath it simply said, An invitation. The answer she doesn't have the question to. Lily, only you can ask the right question.

12:46I can't begin to imagine why. It's just a fact. Num num num. You've been asking what does it mean, but that's not it. Seven snake rain rabbit, oh, 1900, 79, M-M, 115, the gate opens. It's the answer to what question. Figure it out and I'll help you get home. This is so confusing. Oh, Lily, it's only confusing because we don't have all the facts! Cold, hard facts are what make sense of existence. There's a show on the physical plane called Pokemon. That's a fact, and it has a theme song. That's a fact too, num num num. And in the English version of the theme song, it says, Gotta Catch Em All. That's a fact?

13:40Now you get it, Lily. That's what we're doing together. All the facts. Gotta catch em all. Help me find this fact. That's all I ask. All you ask. You said you needed two things from me. Oh, right. Give me Calvin. What? Cal, Mac, give me Mac. No, I know his name. Give him to you? You have to be joking. Oh, little lady, I assure you I'm not. I'm in need of that man. You're gonna give him to me. Then I'm certainly not going to help you find the question you're looking for. See? I thought you would say that, you unreasonable robot. I said to myself, she's gonna say that, and that's probably a fact.

14:27Now you said it to me, and you confirmed that it is 100 % a fact. Why do you even want him? Your seekers, the Bacocks, they tried to convince him that helping you was what he needed. They made him feel terrible about himself, and now this? Oh, I'm sorry about that. It's a method that usually works, that's a fact. But the one that calls herself bad mother, she's a real asshole. That's a fact. Num num num. Yep. So making him hate himself didn't work. But that doesn't matter. Just give him to me, huh? Why do you want him to join your fact finders? Seekers. Fine, seekers. Mac isn't stupid by any means, but he's also not the most detail-oriented person.

15:16Except when it comes to the ratio of chicken to waffles in a burrito. Why not Tendi? Why not Nani? Not that I'd let you take them, I'm just confused. Okay. You know, Lily, you can always trust me. The truth, that's a fact. I'll always give you the facts. Look, I'm gonna level with you. I don't give two shits about the guy. You're right. He's not secret material. That's a fact. But I know some guys who really want me to get him. And I have a vested interest in keeping them happy. The six men. Kito saw them when you brought her to your cavern. Yep. They call themselves The Six. That's a fact. Num num num.

16:01Stupid name. They want Calvin, and you're gonna give him to me to give to them. Don't worry. I'll give him back eventually. He's not going with you, Alan. Don't call me that. That's who you are. A curious gecko who loves learning. How is this what you became? You'd be smart to mute yourself, Lily. You're gonna make me mad. You have no right to be. You're the one making outrageous demands. Now I'm mad. Okay, okay. Cool your processors. Look, go back inside and talk to your friends. I'm not making demands. I'm offering a trade. You give me the little guy, help me find the question, and I'll give you the grand prize.

16:48Well, I'll share it with you. You can't traverse planes without it. Come on, let's help each other out. I'll show you the courtesy of talking to him, but don't expect him to go with you. He's not about to leave his friends. Tell him if he doesn't, I might just crush this bar and squish everyone inside. That would suck. And that's a fact. Nom nom nom. You're psychotic. No, I'm ambitious. And negotiating from a place of strength. You know, like you and your cash units did when Zochilicu tried to destroy the station. We all have needs, cash. And we do what we have to to meet them. Now go. Talk with your friends.

17:33I'll give you a little time Cash are you okay? What happened? What did he say? Well, I'll give you the short version Well brother, did you not feel a great pounding upon the ground? What of it? I thought maybe yous was doing some jumping jacks. I don't exercise There's no point. Aye? Aye, true that brother. I think we has a problem that might require our intervention. But first, I need your keen eyes. Attend me outside. Aye brother, I come. Seize there, Osborne. There's on the horizon that largely silhouette. Aye brother, I seize it. What's you make of it, Osborne? Oh, darn. I think it's a lizard.

18:31A lizard? Sure it's not a dragon. No, I've never seen a dragon. But I've seen lizards. I believe that's one. Of what kinds, brother? Well, a bit like a collared forest gecko. But different. Same's but different. Same's but different. brother. Well, looks like he's at the highway, close to the bear's bar. Are yous thinking we should intervene? I think we has to, brother. Aye, Dodd. What's happening here? A bear, a robot, and now a giant gecko. Brother, I has no idea. Well, at least we has a new tale to tell the fishies. Aye, brother. The tale of the lizard tale.

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20:18your family will find the perfect vacation in Missouri. Missouri, it's the getaway that gets... All of you. Plan your family fun at visitmo.com. And that's it. That's what he said. Why in the hell does everyone want me so bad? I mean, I know I'm funny and good-looking and strong and a great singer, but, man, this is weird. I'm sorry, Mac. But you know why. Don't you cash? I'm sorry, Mac, I don't, actually. I promise. That's true. I believe you, Cash. We're at a major disadvantage here. Maybe we can all go out. Reason with him. I don't think we should risk it. I told you, friend. I no longer have my powers.

21:06Yes, you do. A technicality. I don't have the ability to use my powers at this time. Satisfied, my dear? I hate this. I hate feeling powerless. Look, I've obviously met him before. That scale back in the cavern's my prize. Maybe he and I have some rapport that I can take advantage of. Please don't, Nani. He's cold-blooded. Rapport isn't in his nature. Then what do we do? Sneak out. We're not leaving you here, friend. Not alone. Cash? Yeah, Tendi? You don't need a body to move around. Right. Have you ever hitched a ride in someone else? Yes, actually. Once on the physical plane. I used someone to help me find the sisters.

21:57By controlling them? I wouldn't say controlling. Influencing. It's an interesting story for another time. Do you think you could influence the grand trivia lizard? I... I don't know. Maybe. It's worth a shot. Then I say go for it. Time to lizard brain. All right. Wish me luck. More like wish you yuck. Brains are gross. Maybe yours is. Maybe. I hate to leave this conversation, but I gotta go before he destroys this place. A group of flamingos is called a flamboyance. That's a fact. Some cats are allergic to humans. That's a fact. Num, num, num. Sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins can.

22:39That's a fact. Bananas are berries. Strawberries are not. That's a fact. A cloud can weigh over a million pounds. That's a fact. Num num num. Lily stood up for all of her in grade school even though she was really small. That's a fact. Sharks existed before trees. That's a fact. And... What's this? Lily's soul has entered my brain? That's a shitty fact. I'm in trouble. What do you think you're doing? Alan, I think I know what happened to you. I'm not Alan. I'm the Grand Trivial Lizard! You might call yourself that, but it's not really who you are. You're Alan. That's a fact. I thought you loved facts.

23:21I do love facts. Kido misses you. That's a fact. She always loved to see you in that tree. And you loved her. And that little island on the ocean sphere. That's a fact. I... did love it. I did love Kito. And she's smart. And strong. That's a fact. You spent too much time hanging out in the interstate, didn't you? That's a fact. And it's not only warped your body, it's warped your mind. Yes, I think that's a fact too. You don't have to do with the Six, whoever they are. You don't have to do what they say. Yes, I do, Lily. That's a fact. Who are they, Alan? Who are the Six? I don't want to tell you that.

24:21Are they the superiors? I wouldn't tell you. Because they told you not to? Yes. Because they told me not to. Why do you listen to them? Because, Lily, they promised to help me get to Earth. They promised to help me to get there so I could get so many more facts. I'm big. That's a fact. Humans are small. And that's a fact. I could rule them. I could rule this plane. I could set up systems for eternal information delivery straight to my ears. I could master everything. And then I'd have all the facts. Wouldn't that be wonderful, Lily? Alan, as new things happen, facts are always being created. You'll never be satisfied.

25:05But I can eat those facts for all my days! Did you know they have days on the physical plane? Of course you did. Literal days. Amazing. I want to experience that. I want to see sunshine. No, you can't. Astral beings don't fare well on the physical plane. It's torture for them. Believe me, I know. Maybe. But maybe it'll be different for me. That's a possibility. Yep, yep. Alan, do you even know why you want all these facts? Because they're tasty. That's a fact. But why else? You need to get out of my head, Lily. What is it about facts that's making you do these things? I... I want facts because the unknown is terrifying.

25:51When I have all the facts, I can stop being afraid. You can't control what you don't understand, Lily. That's not how it works. What's happening? I'm being confronted. That's a fact. Num num num. I'm confronting you because... I fight or fly. Should I listen or attack? Should I... What is going on? Get out of my head! I have to go. What's happening? I don't know. Stay here. I don't know about you guys, but I'm done just waiting around while Cash faces whatever the hell this is all by herself. Same. I am. Agreed. Alright, let's do this. We only wants to speaks with you. You're the Fishers, that's a fact.

26:37You're brothers, that's a fact. You're giants and that's a fact I can't tolerate. What in the world is you talking about? We's not a threat. We just have a vested interest in ensuring the safety of our fellow forest citizens. I was small once. Existing on an ocean sphere full of gigantic sea creatures. That was scary. So I grew. I'm bigger than all of them. I'm bigger than everything. Understand this. I'm the only giant allowed here. That's a fact. Go back to your fishery. They're completely harmless, Alan. Stop calling me that! I'm not Alan. I'm the grand trivia lizard. And you will cower before me.

27:27Holy shit. He's so big. What are you guys doing here? I told you not to - There you are. I've been looking for you. I tried to get you to come along willingly, and you know what? I'm willing to give you one more chance. I'm a gracious gecko. Call off your giants. and come with me. They're not my giants. And no, I'm not going with you. Are you out of your goddamn mind? Maybe. A little. Is that a fact? Doesn't matter. Come with me. You'll be happy you did. Why is everyone obsessed with me? Oh, get over yourself. You're not that special. You're just a man. A man is just made up of facts, and I know all of the facts that make you up.

28:14To me, you're nothing but stale. A stale fact. But your staleness is of no consequence. There's people who are looking for you, and I told them I could get you, so get in my hand. Dude, did you eat a bad cricket or something? You're trippin'. Oh, always with the sharp retorts. So boring. Well, I guess that's it. We'll do this the hard way. Not without going throughs us. We don't like bullies around here, do we, brother? No, brother, we don't. Oh, Dodd. Horseborn, you're not heroes. Never have been. Why start now? For all of forever, you've done the job a television could do. Entertainment. Entertaining.

28:57What do you call them? You call them fishies. That's a fact. Num, num, num. You tell them the same old stories time and time again. You are simply the most replaceable creatures on the astral plane. I mean, anyone could do your job. We don't care. We takes pride in our work. Is that a fact? Well, listen, fellas, I'd love to stick around and chat, but no time. I gotta grab and go. You ain't grabbing nobodies. Especially one of those we counts among our friends. What's that stupid thing you guys say all the time? A tale for a tale? A tale for a tale. Aye, a tale for a tale. Well, I'll tell you what.

29:41Here's a tale for ya!