A Harrowing Journey

0:00For decades, a shadowy organization called the Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around, lemon forward sodas, even lemon forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them and squeezed out the truth.

0:19That's lemon propaganda right there. But now 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Join the 7up rising. Flip the sip. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Warding Wade criticizes Curry, skips H and skiing, then challenges the chaps with Freaky Fridays. Mountaineering Mark has a Colorado-created potential catastrophe, talks Dick and sees the downsides. Billion's Bob has a brilliant meal, witnesses a winter apocalypse, has deja vu, and chooses Thoth. From separation angst to worst days, yes! It's time for a harrowing journey. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

1:25Mark Fischbach:Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. If you can't tell because you're just using your ears, we're back to our normal places of recording. We are at our home bases. We're apart again. And that's kind of sad. But I'm joined, as always, by Mark and Bob. Or have we been right next to each other the whole time? Come here, buddy. Oh, yeah. I don't see a hand in mine. Make all three of us hug each other at the same time, editors. So welcome to the show. We're one of us hosts, the other two compete for points. Whoever wins gets to host the next episode. And as you can tell, I won the last episode, so I'm here hosting.

2:04Mark Fischbach:We usually start by just catching up. I did just see you boys not too long ago, but... I have a harrowing journey, the likes of which I've never experienced. That's great. Bob, go first. Oh. Man. If you have a harrowing journey he doesn't want to follow that up No yeah mine's Not interesting We've um it's uh James we had hot pot That was pretty good Haven't had hot pot in a minute had really good Do you ever Do you have a certain restaurant or anything where you go And like it's usually good like this hot pot place We go to and it's always like good But something hit just Right this time where it was like every bite Was like oh my god It's the best it's ever been.

2:51I had one of those at the hot pot and like everyone, the whole table did. And so like everyone was like, this is the best. The vibes were high. Even James, he can be quite the terror at a dinner like that, where it's like stuff he can't touch and dangerous thing. He was chilling.

3:09Mark Fischbach:He had, he felt the vibes and he was like, all right, I'll be cool. That is amazing. I was so close to that moment. And then it was snatched away from me by the tiniest of things. We went to melting pot love melting pot one of my favorite things is to do a shrimp in their coke of in or their mojo Don't ever it's a moho or mojo anyway, and then dip it in their yellow curry. I did that Something was just slightly off. So at the end of the night This guy who's been working there for forever Somehow we always run into each other. So like we know each other by like face like a manager there now He was like hey great to see you guys.

3:45Mark Fischbach:How was everything? I was like everything was great but they changed the recipe of the curry like so slightly and he went you're the first one who's noticed i was like no no no he did it for you when it was just the slightest like i was like something's off of my taste buds like like this curry is just so slightly not right it wasn't bad it just wasn't right it's pretty funny it was almost the exact same experience you were describing But then the curry was I don't know 1 % different now. It'll never be good again because they changed it Melting pot if you're watching this and I know you are we got to go back Kate.

4:26Mark Fischbach:We got to go back That's a lost reference therefore, you know, I mean it. Oh, I wasn't sure what that meant Yeah, I didn't get that one. Is this the hot pot place that we went to you with by the way? Yes, yeah, okay. It's kbbq slash hot pot. They do both both are yeah Good stuff. I don't think I did hot pot when I was there. I just did the barbecue side but it was very good. This makes me remember. I got to talk to you guys about a business idea. Not right now because I don't want the, the, a great idea to go out to everybody. I want us to capitalize on this before the secret gets out. It's going to change dining forever.

5:01This is the one guys. Yeah, but I'm not going to tell you right now. It's the greatest idea that anyone has ever experienced or had in their lives when it comes to restaurant touring, but we are going to get into the food service business and we are going to make, well, I'm going to make billions. You guys, hundreds of thousands. We could balance that out a little bit. You'll make hundreds of thousands. I'm only gonna make one billion. Okay, yeah. You're only gonna make one?

5:24Mark Fischbach:You're gonna make hundreds. As the host, I want an equal split. What if Bob makes hundreds of thousands and you and I make hundreds of millions? We're gonna make half a billion? Ew. Each. But then one of us could die and the other could take it. Ew. So it's a kind of a if the other dies, they get it. but only one way. If you die, I get it. If I die, we get the money, then we fight to the death. Yeah, can you get it if you kill the other person? Because you'll likely win. I mean, I'm taller, but I'm really lazy and out of shape. It's true. It's true. Just go for the ankles of the dick and you got me.

5:58Mark Fischbach:Mark would outwork you so hard, you would stand no chance. I don't know why I'm offering this up and giving you strat tips, but like... Well, I'm not going to talk about that now. Can I talk about my harrowing journey? Bob, are you done with your small talk? Oh, yeah. No, I just want to hear about Mark's thing. All right, so for me, the past... Mark, you go. No, it's fine. You can talk. You can talk. I won't do anything. He doesn't have anything. I really don't. It's time for your harrowing journey. Where do I even begin, I say as I'm finishing my Amazon order. Where do I even begin? Probably with the H in harrowing.

6:33Mark Fischbach:I can't have harrowing journeys because you can't have harrowing without hair. Is that also why you don't do heroin? Yeah, the only reason. All right, and done. Okay, alright. You have my undivided attention now. Alright, so harrowing journey. I was driving through the Colorado mountains, which I don't know if you guys have ever driven through there. I have. I have not. So Bob, you have. Wade, you haven't. Wade, to paint a picture, it is gorgeous. It is this beautiful, narrow mountain valley. So imagine giant mountains left and right, and you're cutting this pass. It's called the i-70 if anyone goes on google maps and they want to just like get on the road and go through there you'll see that it is a beautiful place i was not driving through it during the day i was driving through it during the night so funny thing about that pass is it's number one always under construction number two they don't have any street lights number three they don't have any street reflectors uh because of all the snow plows going through apparently they can't put reflectors down because they have to scrape the road all the time which is another reason why it's always under construction because it always gets damaged.

7:39Now, that being said, it is ordinarily okay to drive through this at night because, you know, it's saying we were driving through it in the rain at night. Two bads cancel out. That'll make stuff reflective for you. It sure will. So I was driving through and the rain hits suddenly as we go through the first tunnel to get into this pass. rain hits suddenly and it is black sky black mountains you can't even see like the shape of mountains coming through there and then it's a black road but when it's wet everything disappears i can't tell you how little i saw of the road i was hunched over like this across my steering wheel just eyeballing and you'd be like oh yeah be safe pull over there is no over there's no there's no sides.

8:29It's barriers left and right. Like you have that much of a gap between you and the barrier when you're in your lane and I'm trying to stay in the right and people are flying by me on the left and I'm going like 55, which is the speed limit in these work zones. And it's like, and they're zooming by me. There's, there's semi trucks going here. So the worst part was there was a ton of traffic coming from the other side. And I don't know, all of them had their high beams on every single one of them was just blasting us with light and the window was fogging up inside and outside was fogging up and again rain the and and every time someone plows past me there's a cloud of of mist that gets kicked up and splashes all over the windshield so my wipers are going full speed the air like defroster fogger is going off full blast like max fan max everything I'm locked in like this and it's downhill going this way and as we go downhill the brakes start acting up and when I hit the brakes the car is going like side to side wobble so I am engine braking manually dropping gears to try to maintain speed because I don't trust that brake because if it was just like a wheel was going to fall off or something so I'm trying my best to see road that was not there, to see lines that disappeared every few feet while cars are blowing past me that way.

9:59I am blinded from the glare of everybody on the left, fogged up. I, Amy is literally with a paper towel every few seconds, wiping the front of my, my windshield. And I was on this road for 30 minutes, 30 minutes of this. It was the most intense 30 minutes of my goddamn life. And this mountain pass, it's not like it's, you're in the valley of it, so you're down below, so it's not like if I hit the side, I'd go off. But if I... Oh, you'd be so fucked if you got in any kind of accident in that situation. Who's gonna come help you in the blackest of black nights and downpouring rain on a road with no shoulders?

10:38I cannot describe this enough. It was darkness. Pure darkness and also pure light because light was just blasting into my eyes. Oh, well, they couldn't see. They had to have their brights on. of course of course obviously uh and so we eventually made it to the hotel we were it was our last stop so we're like pushing through to try to get into the veil is the town so we're going to veil because there was a hotel there that was dog friendly and we're like okay we make it but it's like 30 minutes in once you start into the mountains but we get there and we wake up in the morning it's like oh man it must not have been that bad so as we start driving in the morning we realize no it's not just that it was dark those lines are like eroded all of the road lines are completely gone like halfway through that whole thing uh we were driving the rest of the way out of the mountain was like oh no there's no paint on the ground here we wouldn't have been able to see it anyway like i i was it was terrifying so don't go through the i-70 of colorado in the mountains at night in the rain i did that actually at night but there was no rain and conditions were perfect and i still thought it was pretty rough that was i was driving west to east and that was where i was ending uh in that area and yeah those that i-70 pass in the map is awful i was it was just dark and i thought it was rough wait there's a bald mountain yeah you could spend a night on it

12:02Mark Fischbach:for a fee five stars out of five ratings for bald mountain it's uh colorado right near a place called Vale. Oh, right. Summit County, Colorado. Look, I'm not looking at a map. I don't know my mountains. I don't know if it's as treacherous as yours was, but I have a couple stories of like insanely treacherous driving escapades that that just happens, right? Everybody kind of gets that from time to time. Do you remember one? I think we were all still in college at UC at the time. It had to have been our sophomore, junior year in college. My ex and I were driving back to Milford from UC but school actually closed like we'd started school then around like 10 8 9 or 10 a.m.

12:45Mark Fischbach:the school closed because the snowstorm was so crazy and we were like what if we just drive 45 minutes to Milford but whenever the snow is so bad a college campus shuts down you know it's kind of a crazy snowstorm yeah and that drive with all of the cars and traffic and just I mean our defrost like couldn't keep up so the windshield was still freezing despite having like heat blasting as much as we could so that was a little scary because the roads were just increasingly getting worse and people were in a hurry but also nobody could see and things were slick and I remember being super stressed out during that drive I think my favorite personal story of that nature is it was actually totally fine for me but it's really funny to me what everyone else's experience was many I lived in North Carolina for grad school and in the winter of like 2013 it's it snowed in North Carolina like a couple inches but for North Carolina that's pretty wild and uh we were in we were in a not a front-wheel drive car not like an all-wheel drive and it was snowing and I was casually just driving we were out somewhere and I was like ah let's just we're driving back home do to do to do and it was like a battle zone around us it was so there's this picture on the internet that's kind of infamous of a snowy road and a bunch of cars in the ditches and there's one on fire in the background that's from the city raleigh the city that we were living in at the time from that snowstorm and everyone else was like dying like literally people were like driving their pickups off the road spinning out and i was just like casually driving home in two inches of snow We got all the way back and then it was like the state shut down.

14:30Keep your kids inside We're gonna fucking die. We're like, dude, what's happening? Jesus Christ And it was bad like they don't know what to do with snow It's not really their fault But it's just so funny to me that we were on like a casual drive and everyone around us was having that moment of like Yeah, and then it snowed an inch and I was like Barely on the road, but like that's tough

14:52Mark Fischbach:Snow's famous for causing fires I found the image you're talking about There is a car just Yeah there's just a car on fire And there's a bunch of cars Those cars are abandoned Because people lost control Went into the ditch And then were like Well I guess I need a new car And just walked away Until the snow was all melted Some of them just have doors open Where like someone fled for their life Yeah no literally It's like a zombie It's like a zombie movie Like it looks like everyone was like God run leave Don't grab anything get out of here i was just like did they light the car on fire for warmth like what were they doing i don't know uh yeah that picture was taken on the road uh that was like 20 minutes from our apartment that we were living in at that point in time right next to the big mall in town that's like i hope nobody got hurt and i don't i don't remember like it's not it's not their fault that nobody knew what to do with snow but i literally we were in a ford focus and i was just driving because it was two inches of snow and the whole world anyway i you know that scene from spongebob where squidward falls down the mountain and goes ah nuclear explosion at the bottom i just i hope no one got hurt but i i just feel like that's what happened the worst i can remember recently the last couple of years like it was one of those stories it was dark and it was rainy but it was one of those rainstorms where like occasionally it rained so hard you had zero visibility you kind of had to pull over for a second but the real problem wasn't even the rain or the darkness it's the humidity that gets you no it was the road i-75 i-75 was a bitch it still is it's a terrible highway i hate i-75 it's awful it feels okay when you're just driving it normally but with the rain it is paved so fucking unevenly that every few seconds you would just hit a puddle that would completely make you feel like you were getting derailed and like you were going to go flying the wrong direction.

16:52Mark Fischbach:And we weren't going particularly fast. We were probably going like 30 miles per hour on this highway at the best moments. Called hydroplaning. But the moment we would hit like what the tiniest looking puddle would be, it felt like I was driving into the ocean and just like hit all of the resistance in the world. And I've driven in bad rain on like 275 and 71 and other back roads and stuff. They have never felt like the roller coaster 75 felt like where it feels like the road is paved like hill Cincinnati is the city of seven hills. So is it seven or nine hills? Seven, right? Seven hills I think I've never heard of this is what it's called I mean, it's not like it's the Queen City is the main nickname But I've heard that from multiple sources that that's another nickname for Cincinnati Anyway, and then somehow there's always people that drive twice your speed and you feel like you're going too fast And I'm sure they always survive and nothing bad happens.

17:48That was in the drive over from Colorado. I was shocked at the speeds people were going, the trust that they must have in their tires. It was stunning, honestly. Because there were also puddles going through there. Not many, so it wasn't as harrowing. But occasionally, it would just be like, especially in a tunnel, because it's cutting through the mountains, it's like, just suddenly, I'm splashing through water. And I didn't see it coming, because everything's dark anyway. But thankfully, that was few and far between. but people trust their tires people really trust their tires is it trust or is it a lack of understanding just how on the absolute edge of of existence they're currently living i wish there was a meter like you know one of those like g meters but it's like you are this close to death

18:30Mark Fischbach:that close every time the best sanity test we can have for people is putting them behind the wheel of a car and seeing what kind of absolute fucking psychopaths they drive like apparently i'm sure there are people I know that drive like psychopaths but I don't know who they are. Some of the drivers, if they were my friends and I saw them drive like that, I don't think we could be friends. Jesse. Nah, he drives like a grandpa now. He's very slow. Is this the episode? Are we just talking about car stuff? Because I got more driving stories, but I've got an episode. I'm just enjoying chatting but I guess, fuck that.

19:01Mark Fischbach:No enjoyment. Let's get to the episode. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping Lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up, flip the sip. This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered.

19:46Mark Fischbach:It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. To them or the FBI, I'm not 100 % sure. Yep. When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will, we're on our way. Uber. On our way. Download the app today. Alright, so I just I found I don't know some interesting questions there of the would you rather variety which I know we've done would you rather's before I just kind of liked these so I kind of bookmarked this and I figured I'd save it for a rainy day No, no pun intended Come on man, you could amp it up.

20:27You gotta sell this. You gotta sell this I've got the greatest idea that no one's ever done in history forever. This is gonna change your lives Would you rather?

20:36Mark Fischbach:I'm glad you have that, but I don't. Hit the lights and then cue the music. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, there we go, there we go, yeah, there we go. Yeah. You want me to make a whole sound thing for that? I turned around and there was a would you rather. I don't believe in would you rathers. Mark, you want heads or tails? Let me flip mine to see which one I want. Heads, please.

21:03Heads it is. Let me flip my coin to see if I concur. I got heads. Ladies' heads. I got heads. I guess that means I agree.

21:14Mark Fischbach:Mark, let's start with you here. Would you rather have a perfect memory or be able to forget anything you wanted at will? I swear to God we've done this one. Have we? I don't remember this one. Don't we have a debate about wouldn't having perfect memory be a curse? I think it wasn't the same. We've talked about perfect memory, but not versus being able to forget anything at will. I don't think just got that I just got that tingle, you know when you get older how you get that tingle Yeah, we've definitely debated perfect memory before but I think you can weigh it against different things One of the benefits that not people probably would think is like yeah, you could forget traumatic experiences But you know all of us have that game that we played and we wished we could play again You know for the first time it's like oh if I if I could forget However, something sunshine of the something mind.

22:04I forget what's the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Yes, that's it

22:08Mark Fischbach:Yeah, I have chrome at 20 % no wonder I can't hear you guys what? Nothing you guys are fine. Go on. He's just Troubleshooting audio issues 30 minutes into the recording. I've been trying to I've been troubleshooting this whole time Let's be honest. I just suck at it. That's fine. That's understandable I think that having that ability to forget would make you overuse it because as we know from the movie click which has nothing to do with memory at all and it's a far superior no no it's a good lesson if you have that power you're gonna abuse it or something i think is what happened in click could he not rewind there was there was no rewind function i don't believe okay all right yeah that makes sense okay it was like pause play fast forward and skip maybe which you know in all honesty if there's a super powerful remote i feel like they just they left that one out intentionally either way abusing that power is bad or something so i'm gonna go with nah now i'll go with the the forgetting thing because just reliving those games would be great that's such a niche use and yet it feels so strong to me because there's so many things i'm like oh man getting to rewatch a couple of like movies for the first time over again.

23:25But I'd have to write myself a really long note because I know how hard it was to get into those games in the first place. Like, just trust me, man. This is me from you from the past, please. It's like that Adam Sandler movie,

23:35Mark Fischbach:50 First Dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to make a videotape for yourself that you watch every time you forget stuff. Mark, it's Mark. No matter what, don't play this game. Do you remember the parody of Memento's, it's a dick. I've forgotten what dicks look like. Whatever you do, it's not a mouth-based video game. It's a dick. Like you wrote all over his arms. Don't suck that. It's a dick. No, I never saw that. It's weird though that Memento has come up like three times this weekend for me. I've never seen Memento. I only saw that parody. Is it the one that's like kind of like Pulp Fiction-y out of order?

24:12Yeah, it's out of order and he gets tattoos because he has no memory.

24:15Mark Fischbach:So I figure out what's happening. Okay, I did see it once, but I don't remember it. You need some tattoos. I've seen Memento. And a dick I think Mark is right And not in the second thing he said No, not in the first thing he said Or the third thing he said But the second thing he said is right That you would definitely abuse that power And as much as I totally get Mark's argument for it You would absolutely end up in situations Where you just like obliterated a memory And someone would be like The fuck do you mean you don't remember that You would end up in situations maybe not all the time but sometimes where you were like oh that was awful delete and then there would be repercussions because everyone around you would be like you ran over my dog what do you mean you don't fucking remember that what kind of sociopath are you it's a meme you burned my house to the ground my whole family's dead what do i do i don't remember man so i would take perfect memory because there's probably no bad consequences to that oh no no no nowhere who was right nobody what is this philosophy what is right yeah forget forget forget tell you what bob i won't tell you who was right but you win the opportunity to go first on the next one ah good would you rather always feel understood or always feel appreciated that's an interesting one do i ever get to feel appreciated and or vice versa do i ever get to feel understood or is it like an always or never it's kind of i'm assuming it's how it is now but one of them you can just always be i would take just as an experiment i would have to take always be understood because i would just love to have that as a superpower just an innate thing and then just jump into conversations with the most out of pocket completely inappropriate non sequitur stuff but with a specific like meaning or point that i'm trying to make and everyone's everyone initial reaction is like oh but by the end they understand completely and i haven't i i could just say whatever i want as long as i as long as i mean what i say and i say what i mean an elephant's memory 100 green no that's Not the same.

26:34What?

26:35Mark Fischbach:Bark? What's your name? Mark? Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. None. Okay, so what was the alternative solution? Always understood. Always feel appreciated. I should say always feel understood. Always feel appreciated. Okay, but that doesn't mean necessarily understood. That's kind of true, based on his phrasing. I would put it as you are. Like, feeling understood, I feel like you feel that way because it's genuine. I'm going to say you're always understood or always appreciated. Like it's worded as feel, but whatever you asked me if to clarify, it's like that does feel like a cheap way of like getting out of it So we'll just say always understood or always appreciated man is I feel like this is kind of a monkey's paw because like understood Is that understood correctly?

27:18But I mean like I guess it would have to be they understand your true meaning, right?

27:22Mark Fischbach:It doesn't mean that you are right, but it means you are understood for what you're trying to convey So if it's sarcastic, it's still like they know you're being sarcastic. They're not going to take the literal meaning of it. I would imagine. Yes. Okay. And appreciated. Would that mean if I killed somebody? They must have been terrible. I must have been. I'm glad. I'm glad. Maybe they don't understand why you did it, but they appreciate that you did. All right. See, now that's why I'll take the appreciation because I'll use that. I'll use that to my benefit. Bank manager give me the keys to the vault I can't do that You're going to give me the keys to the vault Or I'm going to shoot you I love your enthusiasm You know what I just really appreciate that you're sticking to You're not succeeding at all But like you're trying hard Maybe you're just appreciated for being the best person That's robbed him yet Oh look we have a hero Why don't you tell your daughter Stephanie How much of a hero you are Like did you guys pick Stephanie up from school You know what that's great You know, we were having trouble with that.

28:27Mark Fischbach:Who's Stephanie? What happened just now? This is our daughter, Stephanie! Kidnapped because dad's going to be a hero at the bank. Don't you know how this works? No. Don't you know how your own prompt works? Yeah, this is your game. Thank Wonder Mind, the article on Wonder Mind that I'm getting this from. He's stealing again. I can't believe it. Yeah. Mark, you're first. would you rather live through a freaky friday scenario or groundhog day okay freaky friday was that where you switched with so the daughter and the mom switched bodies okay but parents specifically right yeah if it's free if it's freaky friday that is pretty specific yes uh freaky or friday siblings also switched between it and it's whatever i think this is more so it's less specific with who you switch with it's just are you would you rather live someone else's experience or relive the same day over and over again okay that's different because i was gonna say the freaky friday situation i feel like there would be some repercussions to that beyond just what the movie i haven't actually seen it but i know the premise it's kind of like would you rather experience someone else's at random life or your own day on repeat but in both of these there's an out right it's not perpetual it ends yeah it ends i believe yes i think the groundhog day one would be more interesting because if you're living someone else's life it's still just an ordinary person's life the groundhog day situation is extraordinary and you can you can really go full on do anything and it will reset unless there's we never discovered if there was a bad scenario of the reset in Groundhog Day where all of the horrible things that he probably did came to fruition afterwards.