Bad Mood

12:26Mark Fischbach:Oh no I fell for it again I got a low sense motive against his charisma rolls yep everything else all my other stats way low but my charisma i can't wait to hear your new

12:40Ethan Nestor:microphone mark i'm sure i'll notice i mean i don't i doubt that it's going to sound any better but i think from a functionality standpoint it'll just be a little nicer that's all i'm really hoping for because this one it has like this weird swivel head on the top part of it but there's no real point to that and i feel like all in all the ergonomics of this thing are just like i don't like the way I have it's it's not very elegant and I it bothers me not this microphone but my mic at my home desk setup is it sounds good it's good mic but it's really tall and then it has like a big ball thing on top and like it's just real awkward I get that it's aesthetic it looks cool but I don't care I don't want it on camera I'd like if it was much more compact and ergonomically

13:29Mark Fischbach:I'm using a Newman It's a Newman TLM 107 I think he's using a Newman

13:35Ethan Nestor:Haven't you had that so bitch forever?

13:37Mark Fischbach:No I had like the 105 Or the 106 I got this one a couple years ago It looks I mean it's very similar But it's the one of the newer ones Look I'm not even going to correct you because I think it's funny if you call It's going to piss a lot of audio heads off If you keep calling it a Newman So please do Oh I'm sorry it's a Newman That's good keep calling it that man What's it supposed to be? It's Neumann But whatever, don't matter It's N-E-U, how is that Neumann? It's like German or something, I don't know That's why it says Berlin I just thought it was my microphone's last name this whole time Neumann Berlin, my microphone It's Neumann My new mic is going to be a warm audio Why?

14:198000 Is that how audio heads say that one?

14:22Mark Fischbach:Yep, I'm pretty sure Neumann Was that the bad guy? Not the bad guy Dennis Nedry what's the actor's name

14:27Ethan Nestor:oh it's the bad guy on Seinfeld yeah Neumann Seinfeld heads are gonna get really mad if we see sorry Steinfeld that's it wait did you do small talk

14:38Mark Fischbach:probably yeah about going outside and it was as good as my jokes man it was funny

14:44Ethan Nestor:that was really good small talk what if I point this at you that was really good small talk

14:49Mark Fischbach:I'm the pillars on which this foundation is set and then you guys are the stars that stand on top of it That's nice. That's really sacrificial of you. Just power wash me occasionally, then reseal. That's just another step I don't want to take. Explains the cracks in the bald.

15:08Ethan Nestor:This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. You already know that T-Mobile 5G Home Internet is ridiculously easy to set up, with a price that doesn't feel like you're getting scammed every month. But here's something new worth noting. T-Mobile now has the fastest 5G home internet, according to the experts at Ookla Speedtest. No, seriously. Their 5G home internet speeds are officially the fastest, which means that when you're downloading all your movies that aren't mine, every single one except for mine, you'll get them at the fastest speeds possible, along with all your video calls and uploading files and maybe even streaming something in the background, you know.

15:46Mark Fischbach:And yeah, it is still a great value. Backed by a five-year price guarantee, so your bill doesn't slowly creep up when you're not paying attention. So if you want the fastest 5G home internet with a simple setup and savings that actually stick, head over to t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability today. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Uplaspeed test intelligence data. Second half 2025. All rights reserved. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects.

16:20And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.

16:40Ethan Nestor:Anyway, you guys want to talk about today's topic? I think we've really been set and weighed up for this one. I want to talk about what happens when you get in a bad mood. You're allowed to not be in a bad mood, Wade, but we would really pile in it on. So I'd pretty well understand if you were in a bad mood. But this is stolen from an episode of Bluey, where Bingo is in a bad mood, and it's pretty funny. There's some shenanigans. But also, recently, I've been really bitchy, and I have really bad tendencies when I'm in a bad mood. Not in like a, oh, I take it out on everyone else sort of way. just in like a i'm real insufferable i don't know how much you guys have experienced me being in a really bad mood around you because usually if we're if we're hanging out or doing something we usually have it fun because that's kind of what we do but i i'm miserable when i'm in a bad mood i like because like mandy if i'm grumpy mandy's like i want to cheer you up let me do something nice for you i'll get you your favorite food only makes it worse i don't know why i literally if If I'm in a bad mood and someone does something nice for me, I'm like, fuck off.

17:49Ethan Nestor:I don't deserve nice stuff right now. I hate that you did that. And it's like, man, that's really rude. That's really not a good way to behave. But it's how I am. I'm awful when I'm in a bad mood. I guess that is kind of taking it out on other people. But literally, I would just go lock myself in a room. I would go away and lock myself in a room and be like, everyone stay away. I'm in a bad mood. But then people intrude on that because I don't live in a vacuum. I live with family and stuff. But anyway, I've been having some bad moods lately. I felt kind of bad about that. And I was curious. Maybe you guys could teach me how to deal with my bad moods better.

18:27Ethan Nestor:Or if you have any funny stories. Or if you have a similar or your own unique version of how you behave when you're in a bad mood. I just want to talk about it. I'm working some stuff out here, guys. Help me. Therapize me. Therapize you? therapium in the face hit me with the theraps i'm gonna hit you with the theranin i don't know what that is but it sounds entertaining

18:52Mark Fischbach:is that next to neon on the periodic table theron on yeah yeah yeah that's it yeah yeah theramin is the little electromagnetic device thera thera not thera theronone was the company that that person was made the the lady on the forbes it's german theranoin theranoin probably

19:10Ethan Nestor:she went to jail you know the lady who just straight up lied theranos allegedly no it was pretty much conclusively proven we're not making those claims you can look it up she did not succeed in her defense in court uh but yeah no that was man if that machine did exist it would

19:27Mark Fischbach:really do a lot of good stuff i actually know what you guys are referencing for what what happened to my voice there what was that i don't know i just got excited i i don't know what happened well i You guys are referencing for once. His true voice came out, man. Oh, man, I can't believe it. That was not the voice that came through. I'm very scared right now. I'm very scared. I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. Just like Bob's magic trick that scared me legitimately. I actually, I'm not going to lie. Bob, when you disappeared in that closet, I actually went, where'd he go? I'm not joking. I fully had a second there.

20:06Ethan Nestor:I know I have that effect on people I'm quite the magician

20:10Mark Fischbach:We here at Distractable incorporated our toddlers What was the question? I don't even remember what we're doing here What are we doing?

20:16Ethan Nestor:Wade knew about Theranos after we talked about it for a solid 90 seconds He was finally like I know what you guys are talking about for once That's right

20:25Mark Fischbach:I didn't know the name but I knew the subject matter So once it was explained I was like Oh I have heard that story about the lady who was Selling the whatever Theranos I just I felt like one of the part of the group for once you know I was on the end I knew you're

20:40Ethan Nestor:literally already in imagine how we must feel knowing so many more things so much more of the

20:47Mark Fischbach:time it's like a constant high man I don't live that life but I was here once I peaked I was I flew too close to the no now I'm falling back down I got bad mood stuff I suppose mark you got bad mood stuff yeah I've been in bad moods every once in a while what do you do how does it go

21:03Ethan Nestor:you take it out on everyone around you like i apparently didn't realize until now that i do you only took until now to realize it i always thought i didn't but the thing was i used when i used to be in a bad mood i used to also be single and alone and so i couldn't take it out on anyone anyway so it didn't matter uh but now i realize i actually i'm pretty mean sometimes when i'm in a bad mood but not in like a i seek you out take it out on you sort of way but in like a if you come too close to me i'll be a real bitch about it and that's also kind of it's pretty unfair not very nice.

21:33Mark Fischbach:For some reason, just imagine single you going to like a bar and like, ask, like, hey, you want to go out? Yeah, and then you're like, well, I don't! And then walking back out again because you're in a bad mood.

21:42Ethan Nestor:Yeah, I did that a lot. You got me. I remember we were all out eating dinner and he would just like shoot himself down after he gets the yes, which is the craziest moment to do it. No one wants to go out with me! I said yes. Well, you lied! Actually, unironically some incels. You're probably right. Oh, man. that guy found mandy i would absolutely be that person uh who gets to go first i'm gonna flip this pen and if i catch the tip that's mark and if i catch the the clip that's wade that's a really good way to do it i caught the clip wade you go first bad mood me all right uh so i am just i

22:23Mark Fischbach:remember being in a really bad mood at my computer and i have this like wrist rest right that i rest my wrist on that's the whole point wrist rest and uh i don't remember what i was in such a bad mood about whether it was family or something but i was just genuinely pissed off not even just like i was actually like pissed off and i just like threw a baby tantrum where i like slammed my fists around and i hit my desk and knocked the wrist rest off which was slightly askew to the left well i had food on my desk and the wrist rest of course had to hit the thing of like hit my drink into my food which then knocked all of that off on me so then i threw the tantrum and covered myself in like i don't remember pizza or whatever the hell it was and then i was in like an even worse mood kind of but also it kind of reality checked me where i was like huh me acting like baby makes mess like baby now i've got to clean up this mess that i made because i was being a big bitch for no

23:18Ethan Nestor:reason i deserve this this doesn't have to be a theme of the episode you are allowed to be in a bad mood and i feel like like slamming your desk and making a mess is kind of like from our perspective in the now that you're not in a bad mood seems silly i feel like of all the things a person could do that's not that's pretty good like if you go punch a pillow or you go you know you go scream into a pillow or you slam your as long as you're not hurting yourself or like breaking you know breaking your own stuff that's like you just kind of made a mess that's not that bad it may feel silly that you did that you're like i gotta clean this up now but you didn't like scream at someone or to like dude like you know you that's that's fine that seems okay

23:56Mark Fischbach:sometimes you're in a bad mood i just yelled like fuck and slammed my fucking fist down and then made a huge mess and then felt like i'm still in a bad mood but it's like i was no longer in a ragey self-destructive mood it was just like a well now i'm an asshole i see that i'm an asshole i have a mess to clean up and i'm still in a bad mood what did that accomplish didn't help my mood but i guess it did help my mood but it didn't help my mood that sounds like it helped a little

24:20Ethan Nestor:I can't really imagine you doing that with sincerity. I can imagine you being like, for the bit, just be like doing something crazy and making a big mess.

24:30Mark Fischbach:I don't get actually mad very often. I get upset or annoyed. Actually mad is very rare for me. That was an actually mad moment.

24:38Ethan Nestor:That sounds like a decently healthy way to try and work it out. Sounds sarcastic, but I'm really trying to be sincere. It sounded a little sarcastic. I'm not going to lie. Look, I have the same problem with James. James, the first time he went poop on the potty, he was like, I did it. And I was like, you did. Wow. You went poop on the potty. And I was like, no, wait, how do I be sincere? I'm really proud of you. I love you. I love you so much. Good job. Yeah, no, I do that real bad. But that sounds pretty good. Oh, okay. If you went higher pitch, now I believe you. I've been known to be in bad moods on occasion.

25:13I'm always fascinated by the fact that something flips in your head and it feels good to do shitty things when you're in a bad mood i don't know why but you know it's like you just you have these words that you want to say usually and you're like that'd be a shitty thing to say i don't want to say that i don't feel bad but when you're in a bad mood it's like i'm gonna i'm gonna say oh it sounds like i'm trying to say a slur or something meanwhile he's actually like you're a poo poo head i've uh i've been in numerous bad moods i'd say the most recent streaks with even sometimes on this podcast where I would come on and we'd cut it out, but I just, I just get so frustrated from all the stress and the pressure and it would bubble out and I'd, I'd blow up for one reason or another.

25:58Um, and I would just have to go and it's always like blow up. And then it's like, I go out and I talk to Amy and then I feel better. That's like been the only thing that's made me feel better is like, I go over to Amy and Amy's like, you're being a dick. And I'm like, I'm instantly I mean you're right

26:22Mark Fischbach:She just has the needle for your balloon It's not like you know we've had Fights on occasion and we've been mad at each other But for the most part if she says something like that It's just like And I'll come back and even if I Blow up at you guys I come back I'm sorry Sometimes I come back and say I'm sorry Sometimes I come back and I'm like I'm still mad Because Amy wasn't there or something But yeah no we're gonna get the 8B cardboard cutouts for our office we're like alright we gotta pass the 5 mark hey you're big and dick you're right here it's like on Unusana when I made SCP Amy you know the what was it the light stand with a lab jacket

27:03Ethan Nestor:with that fucking walkie talkie that just made the crazy ass noises that was such a fun one I love that walkie talkie it was so good anyway so yeah in the most recent that's the most recent bad moods i've got plenty more but yeah bob have you ever blown up with us i'm i'm uh i'm a i'm a shover downer i've definitely i've definitely been in sessions where i was in a bad mood i i think i could say it's never been related to you guys or because of you guys but i've come in in a bad mood because other stuff but i'll hold the whole time i'm just like let's keep going but i think i think if you if someone who knows me watched carefully they could tell because the whole time my comedy is a little bit more assaulting and a little a little bit more like like it comes it's not like i'm here having a good time it's like i'm here to take it out through jokes against people or whatever like

27:56Mark Fischbach:yeah we've done stuff enough over the years where i think we've all had moments i'm sure but

28:00Ethan Nestor:thinking about this it really is more like a very self-centered therapy episode but i like this this is good. Have you ever had a moment where you had some big realization about like how you were processing your bad mood or how you're processing emotions in general? Because I've always been a very like shove it down inside and I do process things internally. It's not like I shove it down and never deal with it, but it takes a long time to do that. And there are way more efficient ways to deal with stuff emotionally uh and like productive ways like if i'm being a dick to mandy for reasons that are unrelated to her it's both unfair to her but also she could totally help like it's it's very similar to what you said mark like i am an asshole but often if mandy is like look i'm trying to be nice to you but you're being a piece of shit i'm immediately like oh you're right oh sorry lady deflates it very quickly but like have you guys ever had any like breakthroughs about I don't know about yourself or your personal you know journey with that sort

29:08Mark Fischbach:of stuff processing emotions it's a little bit less to do with bad moods but like I learned how much of a people pleaser I am which I think relates to like whenever I am in a bad mood like you I internalize a lot like I'm like well I'm not gonna go share this with everyone else and put it on their shoulders this is my problem and I've I've got to be the one to handle it like I can take it I can deal with it I've done it with it my whole life but like even at a young age when my parents split up, I remember being asked like, oh, do you want to go stay with your grandparents or here? Do you want to go to like your dad's, your mom's?

29:37Mark Fischbach:And you know, I was always asked where I wanted to go, which was a lot of pressure at like four years old. Cause it's like four year old me was like, everyone seems to like spending time with me. They love having me. So I've got to like make two people sad to make one happy. And, uh, I would always try to, even if I wanted to go somewhere in particular, I would try to be balanced and always pick a different person. so that way everyone got to have the joy of me around my four-year-old ego um because you know as a four-year-old I thought everyone was always so nice you know because I was a kid I was I love so people were nice to me even if they wanted like a break I never knew that as a kid they wanted a break I was like well I picked them the last week and I gotta pick someone else this weekend then someone else next weekend like I try to make that balance and so the people pleasing became just an integral part of who I am which you guys have seen at conventions where we're like let's go to dinner and I'm like hey can we bring 50 other people or whenever I'm like trying to balance out like doing collabs or playing games with people it's like well I was really having fun playing this game but I've not played with so-and-so in like two weeks so I better do this this week instead of continuing that thing I actually want to do and when it comes to like being in a bad mood it's very similar it's like everyone who needs to vent I will be there say what you need to say get it off your chest then someone's like wait what do you what do you do you have anything you want to get off your chest I'm like no I'm good on the inside I'm like yes please let me out it's like shut up you I'll deal with you by playing a video game later but I mean I'll talk to Molly and like with Amy you know Molly's there to help me and she'll let me know if I'm being an asshole or so on and so forth and I've gotten better about letting stuff out there but there's still that people pleasing tendency in me where it's like no I've dealt with a lot in life I can continue to deal with a lot this is relatively small compared to what I've dealt with in the past so it shouldn't even be that big of a deal why am I in a bad mood anyway and I'll try to like rationalize out the bad mood which doesn't really work but I try I try that aggressively

31:19Ethan Nestor:man does that not work You know what kind of asshole I am? I'm a people unpleaser.

31:28Nothing pisses me off more than a poorly timed text when I'm not even mad or busy. In fact, most of the time when I'm not busy, I'm not even like, oh, I just sat down. If a text catches me at the wrong time, I'm intentionally not responding for a while. Actually, it's not necessarily that, but i just i don't i'm like i'm not gonna no i agree texts are different i hate getting texts i'm very insular sometimes when i get pissed off and i'm just like everybody just fuck off i'm not gonna talk to anybody i don't want to be bothered and then instead of doing some productive efforts i sit and i don't i don't want to talk to anybody fuck everybody you know so i don't know it's the most impotent useless kind of grumpiness possible i i did that sometimes when i was like in high school with my my high school girlfriend sometimes i would get mad because i'd be like but i want to spend time with you and then it'd be like finally she'd be like oh i want to spend time with you and i'm just like oh no i don't want it well now i'm not gonna do it

32:32it's just the stupidest thing it's like the most asinine opposite day kind of unhelpful bullshit and so uh yeah i've tried to push that out as much as i can but when things get really busy i I do get caught up in it. I'm just like, I want to do anything. I want to go drive in a circle.

32:49Mark Fischbach:Where's 275? Let me drive around it. I have that in a weird way too. Like if someone messages me about playing something, I'll be like annoyed and grumpy the entire time leading up to it. And then I'll play or do whatever it is. I'll legitimately have a good time. And it's like, man, why was I so not looking forward to this? This was fun. And then the next week I'll go through the same fucking cycle of, oh, like Ryan wants to play a game on Friday. I'm like, oh, Ryan wants to play a fucking game on Friday. I guess I'll put him on my schedule to stream with him on Friday. Oh fucking asshole poking me And then we'll play off like one of the best times I've had all week and like oh what a good time And then I'll hear like the next week like hey you want it?

33:22Mark Fischbach:Oh fucking you want to do something you son of a bitch again God we had such a good time last time you I don't know what it is about me where I'm like that people want to play games I'm like I don't want to fucking play that game I want to do it go do this and then I'll play is like oh that was so fun I wish we could have kept going hey you want to play next week? Oh, do I want to play fuck you do I want to play next week? I got shit to do. It's the same thing with a shower, you know, sometimes where it's just like, I know it feels good. When I'm in there, I'm like, oh, it's so nice. But it's like, I got to take my clothes off and I got to step in there.

33:53Ew. I don't have 10 minutes to shower.

33:57Ethan Nestor:Having a kid has been such a bad excuse for me. Because there's like, in everyday life, if you're just on your own, like ignore everything else, there's always a thing where you're like, well, I could shower now. but like I was gonna work out later or like there's always something right that's where it's like that's not a great like you could always think of something with James it's always like well I haven't showered in a couple days but James is probably gonna wake up from his nap and I'm gonna have to change a poop or I don't know who knows like your babies do all kinds of stuff I'm gonna have to roll around on the floor why would I ever shower I'm just gonna pig pen it up he doesn't care.

34:36Ethan Nestor:I don't care. I'll just wear these same sweats for... It's such a... I don't know that that's universal, but I feel like it's so hard with him added on to my regular baseline level of laziness and slothin... slothin... slothin... slothin... slothiness? Slothin... slothin... whatever. It's like it's so easy to just look at anything and be like, I could drink some water. There's a glass of water in my hand that I got to drink, but I'm just going to be dehydrated in like another couple hours. Why would I even like, what is this a losing battle? God, you're so right. I've had this water. I have this water bottle next to me.

35:17I'm just like, I don't want to drink that ice cold water. I'm going to grab this ginger beer instead. Ew. I'm drinking it. I'll drink it. Fine. I'll fucking drink it.

35:28Ethan Nestor:You fucking son of a bitch. I was not trying to peer pressure you. I do the exact same shit. It's I don't have water. Is Diet Mountain Dew water? Can I drink my Diet Mountain Dew and feel good about my life? It's used to make it probably.

35:41Mark Fischbach:Yeah, something in there is water. This is unrelated, but related. It reminded me of a time where I was at some kind of convenience store. I used to work at a convenience store to set this up. And of course, when people would come in, you have like the ding. So you knew that a customer was arriving. I remember being in a store and I was in a bad mood. I think I was arguing with somebody. I don't remember if it was family or friend or whatever, but I was having like an argument. I was kind of in a bad mood. And I remember what ended up breaking. It was somebody walked into the store and it had a very similar ding to the place I worked.

36:11Mark Fischbach:And like in the middle of being like, yeah, I don't care if you fucking ding. Hi, how are you? Like just out of habit of working at the store. I turned to greet some random person while I was in the middle of this argument and it completely shifted everything away. It made it really funny. But, uh,

36:25Ethan Nestor:you need to get that. You need to get that sound saved on your phone or something. So you just be like, God, such a bad fucking thing.

36:32Mark Fischbach:That was a really hard thing to break was if you ever heard a similar ding or if I went to like UDFs around Cincinnati. If someone walked in, it was like, do not greet people, Wade. You're not wearing an apron. You don't look like you belong. You look like a fucking weirdo. If you're just like, hi, how are you? Like if someone's walking in to buy their coffee.

36:48Ethan Nestor:This is a very I am him energy of me, but I used to work at Jimmy John's and we used to, it was the one on campus and it was open super late. and I must be the only human in existence who we would you know we closed at like three if I remember right which is really fucking late but we would get a big rush because the bars would kick everyone out at two and then we get a bunch of people in and then right up till close it's like it's three o 'clock we close the door and we're like go the fuck home or go somewhere else drunks whatever and uh everyone and including I'm still surprised I mean I know it happens but I'm still confused why people are so mad when you go to a store and it's like oh we close in an hour and you walk in and you're like yeah i'd like a burrito or whatever and they're like burrito this guy doesn't he know we close in an hour it's like yeah i know you close in an hour doesn't that mean you're open and i know that as a customer i know that that's like a dick well i get like you're at work i understand that sucks sometimes it's worse than other times but when i was working if someone walked into my jimmy johns at 255 in the morning all my co-workers would be like this fucking god god damn it i'd be like just make him a fucking sandwich like it takes us five minutes by the time we're done making this drunk sandwich we can close the doors and it's no different than if they didn't come in but we didn't have to stand there doing nothing staring at the clock for five minutes but like i feel like it's very natural to get mad kit that you're like i just want to go home just go away what but if you're open especially i think one one time i went into a place it was like it was really late dinner it was like 7 30 at night and i was like i need something i went in and the place closed at like nine so they weren't like about to close they had like a solid hour and a half still and i walked in and i got that same shit where i walked in and they were like oh hey sir what uh sorry we're kind of the lines kind of closed down what can we get for you i'm like you guys are not even romoli clothes like you're you are jumping the gun on this one i get that you don't like your job or it's been a rough day but like please make me a sandwich i'm really i'll pay you i'll pay you full price just give me the sandwich i'm sure i'm sure i don't know i mean do you guys feel that you ever work till close somewhere and it was like i want to say something that's going to sound extremely derogatory all right so with the sandwich shop i imagine it's different with like a sit-down restaurant because like sometimes people do come in late but with the sandwich shop i think it's that case of where the monkeys and the ladder and the banana and the water you know this i don't know what the hell you're talking about is that something i'm supposed to know okay so there's a science experiment right there's a cage full of monkeys or something and monk not or something it was monkeys for sure it was absolutely all right locked in monkeys okay monkeys or children something there's there's 10 or so monkeys in there right and they put a ladder and there's a banana on a rope up top eventually Climbs the ladder as soon as he climbs the ladder they spray cold water into the cage, right?

39:55They take one monkey out they put a new monkey in who has not been sprayed He's like banana goes up there gets spray everyone gets sprayed and then they beat the shit out of the monkey damn so it got to the point where they were replacing the monkey and eventually it's like the monkey even if it touched the ladder and they didn't spray it they would still beat the shit out of the new monkey right they'd be like don't touch the ladder and got to the point where they started replacing so many that there was no monkey that had ever been sprayed with water but they would still beat the shit out of the monkeys because they were like this is just what we do this is what we do we don't touch the ladder we cannot touch the ladder will be beat up and and it's like i think what that is what the people come in is people that work at restaurants where they people sit down but they get to a new food restaurant they can't be like oh i gotta be mad for something we're gonna beat the shit out of that customer for coming in before clothes even if it takes five minutes to make the food i think i think that might be that such a horrible

40:53Mark Fischbach:experiment like i know i'm laughing and smiling but also that's like that's terrible that is interesting i had never heard that before i think it's real i'm pretty sure it's real but you know

41:02Ethan Nestor:who knows i have to say too you and i both worked at the same restaurant sorry and i do it is different at a sit-down place when it's like okay we close in 15 minutes and then someone comes in and is like table for three like well you're not going to eat and leave in 15 minutes are you but i did always think the social like some people are oblivious and then so maybe it doesn't work so well but the social pressure of being that last table in a restaurant while like five servers and the bartender and the and the chefs in the back are like in the way everyone in the whole place is is waiting to leave and you're sitting there just like sushi that's gotta be so fucking awkward right like that they are they're suffering enough but maybe people just don't give a shit i don't know they're having a magical moment this is the greatest date i've ever been didn't we do

41:49Mark Fischbach:was that at a Fogo or something once? The Brazilian steakhouse where we were the last table? They still had to bring us the meat? Oh, we would never. We would never do that. What? No. What? We were the only table and there's like four guys just hovering around us with meat on it like you want more? No. Other people did this. Not us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We wouldn't do that. That doesn't sound true.

42:09Ethan Nestor:I don't think that happened. Were you spreading lies about us? Puts me in a bad mood, man. Better look out. He's not going to want to hang out with us.

42:16Mark Fischbach:There is nothing like finishing cleaning up your ice cream area and then having a customer is like i want a giant chocolate malt extra thick like two minutes before it closed and it's like but that sprays everywhere it'll cover everything we've just cleaned in milkshake again you go into the guy but sir it sprays everywhere we don't have the technology to block that i mean that happened a lot people come in last minute for ice cream it's always like oh fine we'll make it we're open and We can serve it here. You enjoy your Sunday. Glad you want that midnight banana split. There was a, we actually had closed and we'd locked the door.

42:55Mark Fischbach:We'd turned like the lights off. We were counting like the registers or whatever we did before closed, like before we actually got to leave. And someone came like, I think I haven't even told this story in here before. Someone came frantically up to our door and was like pounding on the door. And it's a glass door. So we see them and we're like, okay, something's wrong. So we opened the door. We're like, we're closed. Can we, can we help you? It's a police. I desperately just I really need a milkshake sir we are we are closed what do you mean you desperate an emergency milkshake I've never heard of this it's like I am really fucking high and it just sounds so good I need it so bad I was in a bit of a conundrum because I was like well there is another one UDF open like 24-7 like three miles from here but I also don't want to tell this guy who's high out of his fucking mind to go driving three miles to another location so what do I do here I don't remember if I told him there was another location or not, but it's like I don't really feel like it's morally correct for me to send you driving off somewhere in your current state.

43:49Mark Fischbach:But also I'm not making you a fucking milkshake. We're closed. Everything's shut down. Couldn't if I wanted to. Well, I could make you a milkshake. Die. Go die. Stab him. I can't get arrested. We're closed. We can kill now. Die. Dealing with people late at night. The rest of the day was fine. That last like 20 minute window of just staring angrily at the front door daring anybody to come in. It was your monkey ladder boat squirt. Did it work when you glared at the mangroley? Did anyone ever turn around? No, because I think we knew we couldn't actually glare, so it was like a... We should create a scenario as like a therapy session, where it's like you're working at the desk, and I'll walk in, and you make me leave, right?

44:32Okay, all right? Okay, you get the apron, you got your little choo-choo hat, right? You had a hat, right, for UDF?

44:38Ethan Nestor:Yeah, they wore hats. I'm pretty sure they had hats. I don't think we had hats. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Poofy shoulders like gloves like dainty gloves, right? No, I don't think we use gloves anyway. Knock knock knock knock. Are you open? No open Okay, get a milkshake. How are you in here? The door was locked. Oh, I'm fine. Thank you for asking I would like a chocolate malt, please We're out of malt powder and milk. I see milk studs.

45:05Mark Fischbach:You could crunch them up the cash registers broken. I'm gonna hang out here The police are on their way. Well, thank God.

45:15Ethan Nestor:All right, I guess you can take... Ah, see, come on, man. No, you failed. No.

45:21Mark Fischbach:You'll never grow as a human. You were so cool. How can I say no? That charisma, man, it beats me every time. That's right. Look, hey, but you're funny. Don't forget that.

45:32Ethan Nestor:Very funny. All right. Well, I would say this therapy session is concluded.

45:39Mark Fischbach:Can I share a story I found before you finally wrap it up? I don't care if it's for points or not. I just found it really funny.

45:44Ethan Nestor:If it's actually funny, I'll point at you and tell you.

45:47Mark Fischbach:There's a story. I was like, I don't know if I have this many stories. I was looking at other people's stories of what happened when they were angry. And there was a person who I couldn't tell if they were like a CEO or worked in HR, but they worked in like customer whatever, an employee something where employees would come knocking the door and come into their office. Basically, quite often. They were having a really bad day after dealing with someone particularly annoying. They like whatever. They went to take a bathroom break and they went to like a bathroom stall closed and locked the door and were like sitting there doing their business.

46:13Mark Fischbach:And someone came and like knocked on the door while they were in there and they were just already annoyed and pissed. But they forgot that they weren't in their office and they yelled come in angrily instead of occupied. And apparently that changed the trajectory of their day because it was just really fucking funny of come in. And the person outside is like, ah, never mind.

46:37And I found that story very funny, so I had to share that one. You're just holding the door handle. You're like, my life is at a crossroads right now. I have a choice here. I see two paths. I see two paths.

46:50Mark Fischbach:Anyway, that was it. Short and sweet, but I found it really funny.

46:54Ethan Nestor:Unfortunately, I actually laughed and I didn't point at you and say it was funny, so I guess. Because it wasn't my story. Wasn't there a story about how like I forget which senator or something It was like a bathroom stall It was like tapping your foot or something Remember it being a sign like I want to solicit sex from you Other person in the next stall There was someone like that I don't remember who but it was It was like a senator or congressperson That was in the news So from then on Has this happened to anyone else Where I became irrationally afraid of tapping my toe in a in a bathroom stall lest it be misread as a solicitation or something because i'm like i'm not a stall toe tapper by any means but i've been known to bounce my knee a couple times when i'm pooping so i'm like anyone else get weirdly afraid of that i am not an overthinker generally i'm i'm pretty laid back but public bathroom stalls if i'm in a stall like if i had to sit down to do business and I'm in, I sit in there and I'm like, I need to make sure I'm ready in case someone opens the door.

48:02Ethan Nestor:I don't, when I go to the bathroom at home, I'm like a toddler. I like take, I strip naked and just what, but when I'm in, I like sit on the thing and I'm like, oh, I have my pants positioned and I'll make sure that I look presentable and I'm not tapping. I don't want to make any extra noises. I don't want anyone around me to know what's going on in here. It's very polite and professional. I literally met possibly the only place in the whole world where I'm like, I better make sure I don't do anything on thought, you know, thoughtless or do anything extra. If someone came in here, they'd be like, oh, excuse me.

48:32Ethan Nestor:And I'd be like, yes, good day. Like, I don't know what it is about, but yes, no, I, that I didn't need that news story in my life to make me way overthink what I'm doing in the bathroom stall. And I, I've come up with contingencies too. If I sit down and I forgot to check before I decided if there is toilet paper i'm like i'm frantically like all right which side do i ask how do i ask for toilet paper from my neighbor what if our fingers touch while he's handing it to me what does that mean do i need to do something like it goes i go down whole rabbit holes uh it's it's stressful situations but i would never tap my toes i do everything in my power to avoid using

49:13Mark Fischbach:public restrooms i plan my trips around all right well if i eat this food usually i've got like 30 minutes or I've got three hours before I need to so we can go to the store after that but then straight home ever since we were at a convention uh years ago uh we I we had like someone that was escorting us around there's a lot of fans around and so someone escorted me to a restroom at one point and I thought their whole point was they were going to not let anyone else in the restroom so I went to like stand at a urinal and then right as I was in the middle of pissing a fan comes running in camera out dude can i get a selfie and i'm like dick in hand mid piss like can it wait a minute like and i was like i don't know if i'm on video right now i don't know what the fuck's happening but like i don't know ever since that experience of just like there's nothing i can do i i'm standing here and there's i guess i'm either on camera or i'm not i don't know why are you pissing so far away from the urinal you could just kind of like hey don't i don't even know that i was, but there was just something in my brain where I was like, this is how my dick gets revealed.

50:17Are you standing at the other opposite wall going for the distance record? Is that what you're doing?

50:21Mark Fischbach:No, not now. It's like the carnival game. I was trying to hit the target. Try to pop the water balloon and see how much you get in there. I was like, I'm a pissed sniper. Well, I mean, that's how they knew you were in there. You were just shouting up the bathroom. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about chat GPT work? It's the new way to use chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give chat GPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

50:59Get started at chat GPT.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans.

51:09Mark Fischbach:What's that uh what's the sniper's name the the dude the snow guy the white something the snow guy white death I think it was white death white death yeah there's a sniper called white death I was trying to think of a pun where I was yellow something yellow death yellow death I'm yellow death I've hit 16 targets with one bladder better than brown death the poop

51:32Ethan Nestor:sniper point at me say that was funny that was funny damn it why didn't i go brown that was a good that was a good extra story i appreciate that and none of us tap our toes in the bathroom noted god no if i'm ever next to someone who claims to be one of you two but their toe is tapping i'll know it's a trap uh i would say that's the end of the episode mark you earned points for man i wrote like wait again today uh perfectest crime lie point climate change Very funny. Illegal interview tactics. Where'd he go? Not saying those slurs you have to try so hard not to say when you're in a bad mood. Talking to Amy.

52:11Ethan Nestor:People unpleaser. Monkeys slash children in cages. And, hmm, die. Wade, you earned points for outside walk. Penny, you bitch. What? Oh, here's your severance. there you go neil amen and i actually know what you guys are talking about oh there you go yeah in the weird voice yeah bitch baby mess the the ding that makes you uh activate hi how are you but that sprays everywhere and i'm a piss sniper making the actual score i will say it till your last little addition, Wade. Mark was up. It was 9 for Mark and 8 for Wade. One of Mark's is a lie point. Wade scored some sniper points. It's now 9 to 9.

53:07Ethan Nestor:And Mark has one lie point. Can't believe my poop sniper joke didn't get a point. This is traditionally where we spin the wheel. And? Yeah. The thing about that is I have to move my computer in order to do this next part. Oh man, I can't believe a gun on a mount isn't a good stable platform to put my computer on You gotta work on your halo reach That's funny Oh, the coin flip I'm gonna flip my pen You guys all have a coin? Do we each want to flip a thing? Still got it

53:41Mark Fischbach:Heads is spin, tails is no spin Jesus Christ Tails I got spin Man, I flipped that right into my microphone Sorry about that

53:52Ethan Nestor:All right, here we go gamer skills activate

54:14Ethan Nestor:It's not so stupid

54:23wheel oh fuck oh god damn it well it's got plus 10 on it i don't know if you knew that

54:29Ethan Nestor:i don't even know i think it was at six percent plus 10 i mean you could rebuild the wheel you could do that from a uh i think it got i don't think it's been spun since the last time i think it got freshly reset and i think we started it at six percent i think that's correct so i think

54:47Mark Fischbach:it's just a it goes to 16 and then the other 84 is split between the two of us 42 42 16 i'm hoping it's still a still image and you get the guess who's not getting a one-man show if i get to do

55:01Ethan Nestor:that oh you would never know this guy all right wait so what do we decide the weights are uh 16

55:10Mark Fischbach:and then 42 42 if it's 100 if it's on a pie this one is just straight up weights so i think i can

55:18Ethan Nestor:just put 42 42 and 16 math sounds right in my head okay now all i have to do is share that one there you go you guys see that yes one man shoe one man shoe i'll show you it has a probability of 16%. I believe this. The perfectest crime or a one-man show. It's all good except unless it lands on... Oh my god!

55:46Mark Fischbach:Oh my god. Okay. Oh, I thought it was. Wade wins! Yay! Well, alright. Listen, I asked for bias and this is what I get? I can't believe it. I thought it was stopping but in the yellow, it like paused in there. I'm happy that didn't happen. Well, thank God we made these wheel spins as easy as possible for Bob being not at home. Yeah, Bob, why don't you carry your wheels with you?

56:16Ethan Nestor:Listen, it would be smart if I did that. All right, Wade wins in a sudden death spinorama. There's no one-man shows. Congratulations, Wade. Would you like to give your winner's pitch?

56:29Mark Fischbach:It was a good, well-earned fight, and I was in a bad mood going into this. not really but i'm in a better mood now so well done mom i did it congratulations to all of us except mark would you like to give your loser speech you both are really funny you're you're funny you know that but not in a haha way in a way that pisses me off i'm pissed and let me tell you when i'm pissed i don't know okay i really got nothing mark you're being a dick thanks amy cut out somehow that makes me more mad you sound like that guy i tried to interview guess what happened to him knife severance anyway good tv show but i've never seen it so i'm only going based off hearsay that's not severance that's jackass yeah i don't know what the fuck you were

57:23Ethan Nestor:doing hi my name's johnny knoxville and this is severance that could also be king of the hill let's end this guy don't know all right i'm done okay yeah wade wins wade hosts the next one thank god for that that's gonna be it make sure you check out the merch at distractible.shop check out mark and mark flyer wade at lord minion 777 or minion 777 i am ice curb this has been distractible make sure you follow the podcast uh and then you'll know when there is the podcast and thank you for listening and thank you for watching equally neither one of those is above the other. They're the same. You're the same.

58:00Ethan Nestor:You know when I point and talk seriously that it's the truth. You're the same. Thank you, everybody. That's it. We'll see you in the next one. Podcast out.

58:15Watch new episodes on Spotify. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.