Best of Henry (Compilation)

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2:06But when we got him, he did not trust strangers. He especially did not trust men. He was like really quiet, shy. now after years of work because it does take a lot of work but with love and attention and training he's way smarter than chica look no insult to chica but chica isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the drawer but he is like so incredibly smart point in case i have a video with audio that i would like to play for you guys right now it is very adorable don't get me right this is very adorable listen to listen to henry

2:51adorable right sounds excited or stressed yeah excited uh we just picked him up and we're taking him home right very cute it sounded like he was laughing and he was smiling wagging the whole time so he's very happy now imagine that sound for 30 minutes straight that gets annoying that was incredibly annoying and and every like minute or so he would sneeze all over the back of our heads and like shake and slobber all over us like all these elements are incredibly annoying however wouldn't trade it for the world love that dog yeah inside and out there's no part that i would ever change about henry like just a fantastic dog incredible lovely have i ever told you about Henry's piss oranges?

3:34No, I don't think so. Well, there's an orange tree at a house we used to have a while back, and it made oranges every year. That was real. Didn't it make limes, if I recall? No. I'm pretty sure it made limes. Ethan told me that. Do you not remember that? No, I don't remember. There's an episode from Unasanas where Ethan was real sad, and you guys were in the backyard, and he was just like, can I have one of these limes? And you're like, that's an orange tree. They're just, they're not It's like, okay, I'm gonna take a lime I mean, you're just like Ethan, those are oranges And they're not ready yet And he just takes one and he's like Wow, this lime doesn't taste very good They're bad limes, Mark I don't remember that at all It was like an extended bit I bet it was, I bet it was But Henry pissed on that tree A lot No wonder they didn't taste so good They did, that's what I'm saying is those oranges tasted amazing.

4:35And they tasted better, the better the longer we were there. I'm not lying, not joking. It's probably not because of the piss, but what is a tree if not a big life straw? Filters out the piss. Dog pee kills grass, flavors orange, breaking news. Yeah, I mean, orange, the juice is some kind of yellow. If I peed and it looked like orange juice, I'd be like, eh, close enough. I don't need to see a doctor about that. That's that's good. That's very good actually Plus it smells clean and fresh or would it still smell like pee? I guess I don't know which way that goes Uh, so yeah, if you guys didn't know la is now a tropical rainforest.

5:15Uh, it rains non-stop here It has been raining for like the past two days straight It's going to keep raining for another two days And then this is right after the second like big what they call it the rain channel floodway, the rain slipstream. The sky goosh. The sky goosh, yeah. Sky ussy is opening up upon you. Yeah, so the drought was over two rainstorms ago, right? Maybe three. It was over last year. It's still raining. The grass on the hill is so long that it's starting to weed its way over the roads. It's a lot of rain. That's weird. Yeah, it's actually quite strange. Because usually in LA, if it rains, all the plants are like, no, no, no.

5:57And you know, they just desperately try to grow and they've been going no for like months. That's what I said last year is like, they got so confused. There was a second spring because the plants all thought that winter happened. And then, cause after winter rain happens and then they grow all the flowers blue or all the, the fruiting trees fruited twice. Yes. Last year, dogs don't care. Dogs don't care. It's raining. They want to go outside and it's like okay all right so i gear them up for a walk and henry's been begging me all morning and i'm like dude it's raining um but he didn't care got my raincoat go out it's fine there was a little break in the rain i was like okay let's make it quick go all the way out get to the farthest point henry's like oh i'm gonna poop and he does this little waddle where he's like he starts to like it's like a truck lifting you know it's it's bad but inverse he just is his butt goes higher and higher he poops at an upward angle i don't know if you know that about henry that's wrong.

6:53That's wrong, Henry. It's hilarious because if he has a hill to poop on, he will start to do this like, this is his butt, right? So he's like, and then backs up the hill. So he poops up the hill at an upward angle so it'll be sure to roll down through his feet, right? Sick. He, speaking of sick, he had a little diarrhea and he just poops all over himself. Everywhere. Sorry about the poop talk this early in the morning, uh, or whenever people are, some people listen to this like right at midnight. So I know it's very early for some. No, I'm pretty sure everyone listens exactly in the morning. Yes, absolutely.

7:30On the drive out. Uh, so he poops all over himself and this ordinarily would be fine. We'll get back and clean up, but it's raining, right? Did you remember that? So the rain cleaned him off for you and it's perfect. Oh no. So dogs, when they are in the rain, I don't know if you knew this they like to shake so they shake uh so henry with poop all over his butt shakes a lot and we're at the farthest point and the rain just kicked up so every few steps he has to stop and go and then just everywhere on his butt is just like these his long hair and it's it's a nightmare and i have like quarter of a mile to get back home in the rain that's picking up uphill this is not a lie both ways no just the way back uh so then i had to get back and i was late for the podcast because I was I was haphazardly with scissors cutting giving Henry a butt haircut uh just because there was no way that I was going to be able to get him in the bath in time so I was just like hey have you thought about using dog scape

8:32oh that's pretty good one point for dog scape all right that's fair that's fair where we are also there's hawks around so there's lots of hawks and and Amy's always worried because there's like they're going to scoop up Henry. And I'm like, Henry is 45 pounds. I don't, he's a pretty big dog for that. I don't think that's, I don't think he's going to get scooped up. Even if two together, I, even our wiener dogs, it's like 16 pounds is a lot for a team of four Hawks drops down with the net and they lure Henry to stand in the center of it. And the moment he puts his mouth around the pepperoni located at the center of the net, the one of them is just like, they take off in flight in pattern.

9:12It could happen. It could happen. You know, I'll start using tools. The world gets a lot scarier. Those LA Hawks are highly organized. I really do think it was like four Hawks in a trench coat that made me sign that blood pack to only have a one. The real clues when they sign the document with their beak. Henry has this really terrible, terrible habit where he will scratch his ear, like just real slow with his back foot, like in the ear. And he always goes, when he's doing it. Like, just like slack jawed. And then he always, and we look at it and we're waiting for it. He'll be like done. Then licks his foot every time.

9:50Lexi does that too. It's like, why, why? It's a health thing. It's like why, like dogs or cats will eat their baby's poops because they're like, oh, are you healthy? Now you taste healthy. But if it tastes, if there's a problem, you can taste it in the poop or you can taste it in the ear, you know? I don't want you. I want you to stop talking. What do they do if they taste a problem in the poo? They're all, ah, shit. What will it take to get you to stop talking? I'm never going to stop talking, Mark. This is your curse. All right, fair enough. I don't have that fearing of death. And also, I don't have that fear of falling asleep and there's intruders because I always know, and I've learned this now, if there really is footsteps, Henry and Chica would have reacted.

10:39that's like a nice saving grace because henry is very attentive to random noises and to strangers and to intruders anything like that if anyone's coming over you know if a delivery man is making delivery he'll let us know um so he's the perfect alarm for that and he goes off too often he'll go off at random light that acts up you know if a shadow is moving too suspiciously he'll he'll start barking if at night he's not barking i'm not worried so i'm fine there we're screwed i'm Screwed. Someone breaks in. I play funny pranks on Henry sometimes where if I peer around a corner, like if this is the wall and I go like this, Henry will go.

11:16Who is that? And then if I disappear behind it, he'll creep closer. And if I go like, oh, he goes. You can tell him like, he'll go.

11:29He's such a cute little dog. I got to get that on video sometime. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweetgreen's fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels, and crave-worthy flavors in the Autumn Harvest Bowl, Maple Glazed Salmon Plate, and Roasted Bacon Brussels Side.

12:10The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring Fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. Dude, them or the FBI? I'm not 100 % sure. Yep. When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up.

12:46Or there's a will? We're on our way. Uber. On our way. Download the app today. You want to know how it caused like Chica the most distress she's ever felt in her life? Because she's not a very like stressed dog. She's very chill about everything. But she was outside and it was like, you know, she was in a part of the yard where there was a gate that went right to the front. So she was outside. She was sniffing in a bush and I tried to call her in because I was going to take him for a walk. And then she wasn't coming. She was looking for like a lizard or something. So I closed the door and I go like, alright, I'm going to take Henry.

13:23And then as soon as the door closed, she goes, who? And then she sees me putting the harness on Henry and she comes up to the door like, oh, just like, you know, like Sully and monsters like, oh, oh no. And so she gets more and more just like, no, what? And so as soon as I put the harness on Henry and I like take a bleach, I'm like, all right, bye. And I know the side gate's open so she could go around and just meet me out front. There's no problem with that. But as soon as I round the corner, I've never heard her do this where she goes, oh, like literally sounded like her going no no I feel so bad but I go out the front and I'm just waiting for her to figure it out and come around and I just hear her still in the side yard going no no no no no then I just call Chica get over here and she's like just pause like mid no go no

14:29this is the most distressed but I think that just goes to show that like you know although to us that's like come on there's side yards open but it shows like some the mental faculties and some dogs and like the reason why there'd be anxiety like just like she feels like oh no I know what they're doing they're going for a walk and it's like i want that so bad and they're leaving me he must not realize i'm here that's very mean mark good job no no it wasn't mean it was kind of mean i felt bad it was a bear not here here how close how here like visiting staying with you or there was a bear i legitimately um so i was already in bed and amy goes like mark and i run because it sounded urgent and i get over there and there's a fucking bear chica had been sleeping in her bed uh which is right by the the glass door there and the bear had come up and just was like at the window staring at her and then you see her head go and they just stare for a while and the bear goes like pause the glass like like right on the glass so chica gets up wags then henry comes over looks look over at the bear and they're both just like nose to nose on the glass No barking, no nothing.

15:49And then Amy sees, obviously, and is like, a bear! And I run in, and I'm like, hey, get out of here, bear! Get out of here! Just like that? Hey, you better leave! You are trespassing! I will call the police! It was late at night, just two days ago. It was the same day we did that recording, I think. No. Are you sure it happened, or were you still hallucinating? I might have been. I kind of hoped I was, but I really wasn't. So I let the pups out out front and I grabbed some blueberries and I'm like, oh, the gate's open. So I'll look, make sure they don't get out. And I go out there and I see, you know, Henry's peeing on a bush and Chica is standing in the middle of the driveway with her tail raised looking up at something.

16:36And I'm like, that's odd. And it's dark because it's night and we don't have a ton of lights. So I can not really see. but I'm looking and before my brain registers it I got a shiver down my spine and then I see a dark shape at the in the middle of the driveway up above that Chica is looking at and it's big and I I took me a second and then I go like that's a bear and I immediately set my blueberries down and sprint

17:13I don't remember when I did it because it must have been as I was processing, but let's just say that I go, oh, you know, like I took that pause. Right. And I sprint because it's Chica is literally staring down a bear. And as soon as I yell Chica, she charges the bear. Oh, that's not what I would have guessed. She fucking charged the bear and she's doing her bark. Very scary, sure. Her very scary bark. And thankfully the bear decided that me also running screaming behind going Was scary enough that the bear actually turned around and ran up the hill and I'm like, I'm like, okay I got thrown down with the bear.

18:02I was like, I don't have my bear spray. I don't have my boar spear. have your blueberries i didn't have a blueberry you're right and i didn't have the knife i usually keep on me on me at the time so i was like all right i guess i'm going hand to hand with a bear here we go because i would do that for chica i would throw it down um i wasn't i was about to let anything up but i was worried that it was going to run off and she was going to run it and i wouldn't be able to keep up and then i wouldn't be able to help but thankfully it it got chased up and then uh i got chica inside and henry was so scared because he didn't see the bear he only heard me yelling and then chica barking so he's like super confused looking around so i get them inside and the bear went up you know and it's somewhere there like a minute passes by and then i see headlights at the top of the driveway amy got back home and i'm like oh shit she doesn't know that there's a bear literally right there oh god she shouldn't get out of the car right so i look from the door and I see her get out of the car pick up a package and then I'm like so I grab a stick and I grab a light and I just start running up I'm like you're gonna get balled by a bear uh but thankfully she got it back in her car and she said yeah I was just listening to music the whole time she's like I'll get this package done you know I was like there was literally a It's like a horror movie They pulled up with their music I was just like It was exactly like that You look around for the bear, you don't see it She pulls the car further in the driveway Then in the back seat, you see the bear's head raise up The car starts driving away While Amy's picking up the package And the bear is just like I can't believe that worked The bear hid in the box Amy's like, wow, this is a heavy package What's in the box?

19:47What's in the box? What's in the box? Well, my thought is actually I'm glad that she didn't get there a minute sooner because she would have her car would have boxed in Chica, the bear and the car. And I think it would have climbed over a fence. But that was it was like my adrenaline had never been higher than those five minutes. It was crazy. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade Electrolytes. Brussels clean up nicely at Sweetgreen.

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20:45we went to the ocean and no one hates the ocean more than henry and no one love hates the ocean more than chica she gets her toes in and as soon as the wave comes by and then henry just like stands at the edge and literally we're not even pulling on his his leash and he's still like feet dug in leaning back like this we're not tugging him towards the ocean and every time we're we're about to get near when chica's going he's still like i'm ready you're gonna betray me at any moment he's like the opposite of that character who's he's like hold me back hold me back no one's touching him and he's like don't make me and you're like just stay there man that's fine he's like i won't do it uh the same way about the pool but we took chica to a creek finally she saw like an actual like kind of creek river thing she loved it she was in there waiting around and all the water was so curious about all the ripples drank some of it which is probably not great but she loved it why does she hate pools in the ocean she's a literal golden retriever which are meant to be water dogs and yet she hates the water except for the creek.

21:42So maybe it's just specifically rivers that she's bred for. She's actually a golden creek retriever. It's a very specific subspecies. Our dogs will hop on like a raft in the pool. Ginger loves being in and around the pool. She'll like hop on the step and sit in it and stuff. Presley's a little bit more finicky about it. Presley is the only one that's ended up in a creek is because he was chasing a rabbit. We were just, I didn't take them down with us. We were just down at Lake Cumberland in Kentucky this past weekend. I wish they'd come with us, but we knew there was gonna be some other dogs that they didn't get along well with in the past.

22:10I just didn't want to deal with it. So they got to go to vacation instead of my mom's. They're the only dachshunds I know that will kind of like tolerate water. The rest of them have always hated it. But Ginger loves water. She doesn't mind swimming. She doesn't mind sitting on a raft. I've never had a pro water dog myself. Lexi knows the truth about water. She hates it. It's all just different kinds of baths and baths are for idiots and losers. She knows what's up. Wait, do you have a video? Do you have a video of your dog doing that adorable tiny dog jump into the water oh yeah the super i'd probably do somewhere the superman she wouldn't do the jump but we do have the video of holding her over a pool and she's all she's not in the water just trying to swim we've got to have one somewhere i need to find that but yeah i think actually speaking of dogs i've always said henry's incredibly smart right he had an eye infection recently he still does uh he's gonna take care of so he has eye drops for it right so for a while like it's like it's his inner you know dogs have two eyelids and the inner one is it was inflamed and kind of, so every time he looked like he had a big droopy eye.

23:06And so I started giving him these drops and he didn't, he didn't rebel too much at the first times, but I swear he asked me for the drop, right? I can't tell you it wasn't because he'll come up to me sometimes and like wine, if he wants food or something. And I go like, we already had dinner. I was like, you, you, you, you had dinner. You want to go outside? And he's like, he doesn't respond. Cause whenever I say the word that he wants, he'll jump and he'll, he'll go towards the thing. And it was like, outside, outside, going back and forth. And I said, like, do you want, do you want the drop?

23:34And he goes, medicine. And he's like, huh? He doesn't know these words, but they're different. And I think he's tangentially related. So I, I get up and he's like, okay, yeah, follow me. And he leads me to the kitchen where we have the little eyedropper and I get the eyedropper and I pointed at him. He's like this. And he goes, ah, sits, tilts his head up. And I'm like, do you understand that this makes your eye feel better? Are you asking for it? And so I gave it to him Then he was like, then he went off on his own. And I'm like, oh my God, he's so smart. Anyway, he's a very smart boy.

24:29Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweetgreen's fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects.

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