Best of P*ssed Off: Part 1 (Compilation)

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1:07it's time for best of pissed off part one i can't think of anything that relates to like sunscreen lotion and tissues no it's right there it's right there uh if i had a one word clue it would probably be seasonal i feel like this is a thing i've just either have never heard of or don't use this where i'm at right now i'd be shocked you've yeah you've heard of this you've heard of it you've probably seen it used more recently than you think chapstick it is and i put some on while you were how the actual fuck is chapstick related to lotion or sunscreen those are liquids well i could see i could see it being related to that also how is that not a container full of chapstick you completely got me off of anything that was like lotion or deodorant or chapstick when you said it wasn't a plastic container filled with something did he ask that question yes i asked if it was a container and his answer was oh not really i don't think of it like that no the primary part of it is not a container the primary part of chapstick is the chapstick it is a container filled with a material we've all i don't know i went through it mark and i went through we did the best we could with that man i didn't hear that question i didn't hear that one Also, I get you on the wet one, but I'm going to go ahead and say the bodily ablution one was also a bad answer.

2:30You use that at any point in time, primarily in public, because usually it's when you're outside. You don't use that during a bodily ablution. That depends. I use it when my lips are chapped. I don't use it as a preventative. I use it after my lips are chapped. You don't keep it. Also, I was going to say, you probably don't keep it in the bathroom. Probably don't even specifically keep it in the kitchen as much as you keep it. That's why I was saying that one. You keep it wherever you keep your keys, which is for a lot of people, the entryway or the mudroom. I keep chapstick in our medicine cabinets.

2:58So like our medicine cabinet in the bathroom, I've got chapstick in the kitchen. We've got chapstick. Well, that's why I called that one out specifically. That's why I said, I feel like the container one totally shut off the realm of a bottle of lotion. That's it. It was a tough question. Like you could see it was a tough question to answer. It's not. No, I don't actually. If you asked me if chapstick is a container, I would say yes. it has a container because it has a lid. I think my answer was it's not primarily a container because the primary part of chapstick is the stuff you use. No, you said that about something else.

3:30Specifically, I wrote down that you said I know kind of I don't think of it as a container. I don't. I mean, it is a it is specifically a plastic tube containing the chapstick. Yeah, I get that. I get that. Or a thing of lip balm in a little container, which by the way, could be made of metal but that one's not that strong of an argument okay you know i wasn't thinking of the little handheld lip balm that that was a fair item but i do feel like a couple of those questions really fucked me pets honestly don't get me started on pets pets are a bigger responsibility than anyone would have you know pets they're cute they're cuddly they're fun sure but nobody wants to talk about what pets actually need money for vet bills leaky anal glands so you gotta take them to the vet once every month or two and have someone stick their fingers up their ass to release their anal glands because apparently that's a fucking thing they don't teach them whenever oh i want a cute little puppy no you fucking don't you're gonna gel up your fingers and show up fido's ass well someone has to because the anal glands get clogged it's disgusting oh and then they get older we outlive our pets that's really sad it sucks losing pets been there done that they don't train you for that shit either but when they get old it's not all cute cuddly fun games no i'm learning that cats stop using the litter box and they shit on the floor and they drag their ass.

4:45They go outside, they eat grass, they come inside and guess what? Oh, grass, that doesn't feel so good. Oh, I vomited. That makes me need to shit too for some reason. Let me just leave all of that right by the couch where you sit so your feet can either be in the nice, nasty, icky or on the lovely cleaning solution you put down. Just got a new rug. Oh boy, not marked yet. I better go mark that. Hike, piss, bleh. All over the goddamn place. Oh, I don't want to eat the food you got today, father. Oh, this canned food, it isn't what I happen to want. I don't want those treats today. I want what you want.

5:22Oh, that steak that you've been cooking looks great. You had to look away to crack open a drink? Oh, fucking mine! Get your own food now, dad! Oh, okay, guess I'll just fucking starve. What good do you give me? Some cuddles, some cute moments, But all of the shit Don't get me started God you really went there man I hope your pets don't listen to this podcast Yeah man I'm gonna make them This is what you play for them when you leave the house Put them in their cage and play this episode on full volume Oh yeah take out the blankets Just cold hard crate with a TV monitor And this I hate the number 9 Cause 7 ate it?

6:02Cause he's a bitch and he let himself get eaten Yeah, he lost about, I put a lot of money on that fight. I got eaten right in front of me, man. Anyway, no, I hate nine specifically. And it's, it has to do with a lot of shopping. And this is another psychology thing, but it's, this isn't even about like you, you price something 399 and it's like, it's technically 400, but people go, oh, 399. Psychologically, I get the, I get that that works. No, this is about gas stations because gas stations do it worse than anybody ever has. and if we all stop to actually think about it for a second to realize how dumb it is, because not only they'll do the trick where it's like, oh, it's it's 349 a gallon, you know, and it's like, oh, it's 350.

6:43But no, there's more numbers onto the right of that number. And there's either a nine or there's a nine over 10. And it's just it infuriates me. It infuriates me that that exists. And it's if you Google gas station signs, at least in America, They're on every single fucking sign. It's every single fucking sign is like da da da da and 9 over 10 or da da da da 9 in superscript. And it's like ba ba ba ba 9 because they it's just because some marketing or finance guy or someone in some marketing department However many years ago was like oh if we add this 9 at the end We'll make this much more money over the course of forever and no one will know the difference And I don't even care about that because at the end of the day, I know people are stupid about gas and they'll go to the gas station across the street that's five cents cheaper to save a whopping, you know, dollar on their entire purchase and wait in line for 10 minutes.

7:38Then go to the one across the street that's five cents more expensive or whatever. Or they'll drive across town and waste the gas that they would have saved. Whatever. That's not what I'm talking about. It's the fact that we let them get away with this stupid nine, this dumbass nine at the end of these numbers that I, that just, it's just so. I want to just punch every single one of those stupid nine out of ten signs because it doesn't make a difference in the grand scheme of things. And it just looks stupid. It's aesthetically unpleasing. It just is infuriating in every capacity because it's not even at this point.

8:10It's not even like a good psychological trick. It's like one fraction of a penny. It's nine tenths of a penny. I don't care about that. I round up anyway. Like if it's 249 and nine ago, it's 250. It's the fact that it's there. Nine out of ten people agree. It's dumb. We should start a gas station chain on the premise that there will be no fractions. And in fact, that there will be no nines in the one cent place ever. So I need you to do a super fast retelling of Bob's fridge, but without using any verbs. Oh, hey, we're here to... Oh, hang on. Uh-huh. Right now? Oh, never mind. I'll... Got it. Yep.

8:55Oh

9:00Fridge two guys front door me

9:15Yard Bush And in the bush The inside The bush the bush the fridge the bush

9:44That's a noun you're right you're right you're right okay, I got it okay, you're good I don't know. It should be water shut off. Make this here!

9:58Sorry, bush!

10:04Did I - that part? Yeah. Anyway, I don't think that's how you did fridge house! Right? Thinks a verb, isn't it? I think. Not when I do it. That's not a good answer. Anger. Just -

10:30One acceptable! Two guys!

10:39Fridge. That was beautiful. Oh man. I don't remember what - Not that much actually happened. I was just so mad. I kept talking about it. Uh... Revere who...

10:54It doesn't... It doesn't have to be fast, man. You can... Famous historian who-who Revere. Alright, one more time. Hit me. Revere who... It changes every time. That doesn't help me, man. Revere who... Revere who... Revere who... You gonna change it? Revere who... It's Eastgate. He changed it. He changed it. Of course it is. It depends which which accent you prefer All right pick one revere who revere who uh not who uh? Okay, what was have revere who uh or uh? That was two different things. He just said two different things right there revere revere oh Okay, revere whoo Oh, whoa, rev, we're... That wasn't a fucking word.

11:44What are you talking about? What is it? If you didn't say it like a ghost. When you're the one in the chair, it does not sound like it.

11:55Oh, whoa, rev, we're... Oh, whoa, rev... What the fuck is it? Okay, I'm saying, what? What? Yes, that's what I'm saying. Ho-wa-wa. So you should say the opposite of ho-wa. Ho-wa-wa. I am. Okay. What do you mean that is? You go ho-wa and ho-wa. You're doing great. You're doing great. Oh my God. Revere. Ho-wa-wa. That's, that's, that's play in reverse. Editors, I'm saying the same thing. Ho-wa-wa, ho-wa-wa, ho-wa, ho-wa, ho-wa, ho-wa, ho-wa, ho-wa, ho-wa. It's the same word. No, no, no, no, no. Revere. Revere. Revere. It's two palindromes inside the same word It's river, revere, river, river, river Oh, river Oh, river Oh, river That's not a word I know many words This is not a word Oh, river You sound like Johnny Prophet Oh, river Oh, river Say the first part faster Oh, but all in one go Just say the first part faster Oh, river

13:11Lose the first uh why? Wa river? Wa river. Uh huh? Where ever? It's where ever. Is that it? How did you say it? How wuh wuh wuh? Huh, there's no uh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. Why didn't you go home? Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. Brussels clean up nicely at Sweetgreen. Maple glazed, roasted, and edges perfectly caramelized. Sweetgreen's fall harvest is back on the menu, and the season's most overlooked little green vegetable is dressed to be devoured.

14:02You know what to do. Order on the Sweet Green app. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Look, it happens. You set out the new year, you're ready to change your world, you're ready to change yourself, you're ready to do better, so you don't just drop back into your same old habits, and suddenly it's February and you're still doing all the same stuff. But this year, I have a goal. this year, I'm going to walk 365 miles in 2026 in this year. And the key to accomplishing a new year's resolution is to keep it simple and manageable. And that's why Shopify is so successful. And that's why you should be using Shopify for your business.

14:43The key to success with Shopify is the same. Keep it simple and manageable. Shopify has everything you need templates to help design what you want tools to help enhance, refine and market those ideas and a way to sell them anywhere, including across social media. Go to shopify.com slash distractible and make it happen. Join us and millions of others who have started their own businesses at shopify.com slash distractible. So we're going to go through this list and we're going to make accounting of everyone. So Wade, you mentioned Shakira. I did mention Shaq era. God, I love Shaq's music. Bob, you got Scarlett Joe.

15:25I believe he went the one with two Ts, but it could be wrong. Wade, you mentioned Mama Plyer, which you know, she has a real name, but it's okay. Bob, Dr. Jill Biden. Bob with an Ivanka. Wade with a Melania. Yeah, can I add Melania too? I want to get Trump's wife. Hold on. I have to count. There has to be a winner. Oh, making Mark tight knees was the best part of this whole idea so far. Did I spell share right? Sure. It's a C. I know it's a C. I know there's a C. Oh, okay. Yeah, the C's at the end. It's a silent C. Michael Obama. Fraud. No, I know. You were trying to type Hopra. Got it. Megan the Stanlian.

16:07Caitlin Clark. Caitlin Clark. Calc? Calc? Calc. Hold on. You guys are spoiling all the jokes. I'm going through it. Just shut up. Kim Kardashian. Stop! Bob, uh, funerals. Oh, yeah. Oh, let me just stretch the anger out a little bit. Don't even get me started on funerals. Did I not give you enough while you were alive? Did you not take enough of my precious time while you could reciprocate anything? Let's not even get into whether you did or did not ever say thank you for the countless hours of my life. I gave to you grandma coming to visit spending the holidays with you eating the food you made for me to make me eat it's awful don't get me started on funerals like those people need any more attention only the most narcissistic selfish unbelievably self-centered people would possibly think that what they need after they have left their family mourning and just torn apart is a party for them that's who's important at that moment in time that's what everyone wants and open casket funerals please oh yeah I'm gonna die and then I want you to dress me up real nice and I want you to do my makeup and I want you to pretend stuff my cheeks with cotton balls, pretend like they're not all sunken in, and then come look at me and talk to me like I'm there.

17:55Yeah, that's fair. That's fair to everyone. I need that. In the afterlife, I'll really enjoy it. I'll drink it up like a delicious salve on my soul. That's fair. That's good. Miss you, Grandma. Oh man. Is it a spork? You jumped right past a couple other guesses for that one, but no, it's not specifically a spork no spoon plastic spoon Plastic fork it's a plastic fork. I hate you

18:31Because why why would I think specifically a plastic fork when you said it was not metal all cutlery went out the window because cutlery is just made of plastic is made of metal hey dude i had to rule out wood basketball what do you mean bob what do you mean why would the thing be a plastic fork why would that be the thing you You made the hardest possible thing to narrow down because you put it in a category that it's not typically in. What? You never guessed fork. Because you said it was in metal. My 12th guess was cutlery for myself. Mark never went there. That's crazy. He stole everything else I said, but not that.

19:20Again, again. That's the next one.

19:26Why would you do that to me? You know, I thought, I thought spork a long time ago. A long time ago, I was like, okay, there's a possibility that it's like plastic something like, and spork went up in my mind when he was like, plate was associated with it. But I was like, there's no way it'd be that. Man, plastic fork? A plastic fork? Yes. Hey, my basketball was very specific too.

19:59Why have you done this to me? Why have you done this to me? Are you appealing to like the subreddit or something? Do you think this is unfair, Mark? I am appealing to the subreddit. Yes, I'm throwing my only flag I have left because holy crap. That is the least fair thing. What are you doing? How many times a week do you think you use a plastic fork, Mark? Barely. I don't believe that. That's absolutely true. You're currently living in another city. I had an Airbnb where they have silverware. And you don't order food? Yes, I do. And you don't order food when you're working all day? And I always prefer to eat it with the silverware that's there because it's a better utensil to do.

20:38It's all right. I use enough plastic forks to make up for it. And also, in this thing, a plastic fork isn't even rigid. Yes, it is. No, it's not. It's a flimsy piece of plastic. Dude, you get a plastic fork from like Cheesecake Factory. Those things are like... I could stab your eye out with the right plastic fork. I want to take a nap, and I will. In your tub? With your pillow blanket? I see how it is. Plastic fork. Plastic fork. This is gonna haunt him for days to come. I'm literally like halfway through. Well, you didn't even guess Spork. I would have probably given you a hint. Oh, no, no, it couldn't be that.

21:21That'd be ridiculous. Why couldn't it be that? I want to do another food one because I'm curious about this. I hope you bring up cereal. I hope to God you bring up cereal. Oh, that one's quick and easy. Okay. How can you screw this up? There's only one answer with cereal. Let's do that real quick. Cereal. Oh, here we go. What or bowl of cereal? What order? Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna roll up the sleeves. You put your bowl down. You pour milk in it. Then you pour your cereal. Dude. I'll die on this hill, and there's so many reasons. All you sheeple out there that think it's like, oh, you pour your cereal first in your milk.

22:01No, you pour your milk first, so you have a fixed quantity of milk. The elements that you're fighting is time till sogginess. If you have your milk first, you get the quantity of milk that you want, and then you pour cereal a little bit at a time, so it never becomes soggy, and then you will have a perfect ratio of cereal to milk at the end of it, because you will pour exactly as much cereal as that milk requires in the duration that it needs to be poured. So the just sogginess thing is always the argument. And like, that's correct to me, but I've never understood. You know how I do it is you pour the cereal first and you pour a small amount of milk and then you eat down the side.

22:44Oh! So that you're eating the part that's in the milk as it's getting milk saturated before it gets soggy. There's not enough milk. Like for me, like less than a quarter of the bowl is ever touching milk at any given moment. Why? If you pour milk first and your cereal floats, you get like five Cheerios before it's floating over the edge of the giant bowl of milk that you just poured. How much do you fill it with milk? I don't know. I assume if you pour milk first, you pour a lot because you're a fucking weirdo. Like a third of it in there. You don't want a lot of milk, but you're just you the way you're describing it.

23:19You're a milk firster in denial. You're a milk firster. I would just rather have my cereal maxed out and then the left milk to make it very delicious to eat. I don't have time to pour cereal 30 times for one meal. I fill that bowl like three quarters with cereal. I pour like half full of milk and then it's like a hot dog eating competition, man. I'm ravenous. I'm a fast eater and I am pouring through that thing. You don't need to do that if you just pour your milk first. I like it and I wouldn't change it. And how many times have you been there when you have your cereal, you pour your milk and you're like, oh shit, I don't have enough milk.

23:57I got to go pour more. You can tell how much milk you have. That's never ever happened because when I pick the milk out of the fridge, I know exactly if I have enough or not enough milk. Then pour that amount into your bowl. You know what I've had happen, which is even more sad, is whenever I'm preparing for this and I go to pour the cereal and the box weighs so much, I'm like, oh, There's at least enough for a bowl and like four pieces of cereal come out. That's it. Well, that's that's a whole other issue. That's another issue. That sounds like a skill issue. Yeah, it's a different issue. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar and vitamins.

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