Drama Alarm

18:59It really was. Oh, is it ready? I can't believe it. No, no. It was going to be the perfectest crime. But, you know, I had some other work I had to do last night. Anyway. Still in the pot. Still boiling. Heads is Wade. Tails is Bob. Oh, my God. His head's down there. His head's. So, Wade. All right. You're up. first. Alright, who are you gonna destroy emotionally?

19:24Mark Fischbach:Oh, let's go after call her daddy, Alex Cooper, sitting at 17. No! Isn't that a good one? I don't know. Probably. Alright, what are you gonna say? Call her daddy. I won't even call mine. They're both dead to me. Is that good? Did I do it? Oh. Oh. Take that, Alex Cooper. That's right. Good lord, man i know i'm the roast roast king diverse to be more or her more all right so call her daddy i actually don't know okay so the real thing is like we're not actually just making full drama i'm actually kind of curious and we're gonna have a conversation about the other podcasts that are around us because one thing that i often struggle with as a youtuber is like i don't feel well integrated into my peers and i realized that we exist in a bubble entirely outside of the podcast world so we are gonna roast him but then we're gonna talk about him call her daddy i've never listened to any episode, but I've heard good things about it unless I shouldn't have heard good things, and then our audience will correct me about that.

20:27Isn't it like an interview podcast? Yeah, it's like an interview one, right?

20:31Mark Fischbach:I think so. I think it's like, yeah, conversational about different topics and things you'll have different guests on. Yeah. Yeah. Creating conversations since 2018. When did we start? Do we have seniority? No. No. Well,

20:44Ethan Nestor:three, three, does the streams count? Yeah, I would count those. We started those, ooh, maybe 2018.

20:53Mark Fischbach:2018 was the year we were in Australia talking about doing a podcast. I'm assuming we started 2019. All right. Well, let's assume that they have seniority, and that's the only reason that they're 17 and we're at 34. But that was a good pick because that's exactly half. Thank you. Bob, who are you going to roast? Easy.

21:11Ethan Nestor:I have not listened to this one, but also I have. number 13 on the list true crime with kimber i do not know this specific podcast but honestly who cares because i have listened to a true crime podcast and they're all the same they all have the same waffling nonsense it's all one person telling the story summarized from a bunch of news articles and then being like oh well could she have gotten climbed down the third story window from her apartment down the tree down the light pole gotten into her car left her cell phone in the parking lot so that the gps was accurate driven 25 minutes away committed a murder perfectly buried hid the body gotten all that bad could she have done that in under 68 minutes which is the window of time where we don't know exactly where she was maybe thanks i'm glad we settled this now i know what happened what an exciting and insightful podcast time to listen to another story where you don't have anything interesting to add to it thank you so the next episode i was gonna host is changing listen i've listened to true crime podcasts because i find them entertaining and i get it and there's a lot of stories like there's a lot of crazy crime stories out there and some of them famous some of them lesser known i get it but man is the trope of person reads true crime story and is like here's all the information that's publicly available could they have done it that's crazy okay bye like god fun that's a lot i think that it's like you're you're hitting on something i do agree with but also i'm guilty of in a different vein because let me tell you There are only so many funny sports stories in the entire world.

23:02And on go, I think I've tapped all of them. I recently found one about the most deadly sporting event in history, which took place. Was that the stadium collapse? No, no, this was not recent. It's 10 ,000 people died because it started a war. These chariot races in like Greece or something or Rome or somewhere, things went crazy. Like it went nuts because there was some murders that happened the first time and the Emperor was like, hey, let's all calm down We're not gonna kill these guys even though they kill people. Let's have more chariot races And so they did and then the riots started From the cherry racist and then 10 ,000 people died and if you enjoyed this preview of go

23:43Mark Fischbach:Hmm come over from go and help distract them. We'll move up the ranking. Yeah, don't listen to that show Listen to this one. Listen to this one extra. It's a good thing goes not on the top list because we don't have to roast them. Well, you said we could punch down. Not that far down, man. Oh, man, let's go. I'm going for you. Not that far, man. How long are your arms, you tall freak? Go. More like Mark. Can you pick a podcast? Am I right? All right. All right. Wait, I'll allow you to roast any other true crime podcast, and you can copy Bob's rant word for word. Oh, thanks, because I was going to.

24:17Mark Fischbach:If it's not word for word, I feel like he shouldn't get the points. Oh, don't worry. Number 20. The title alone tells me why that one doesn't deserve to be ahead of us on the chart because it is criminally listed ahead of Distractable. Is that the only reason you're picking it? Yes, it was an easy punch. And also all those things Bob said. Just tag those all on there, huh? The synopsis says, is a show for fans of true crime. we strive to bring you the most interesting true crime stories and unsolved mysteries that you've never heard before created written and narrated by the team at criminally listed so bob this might

24:56Ethan Nestor:actually be new stuff i listen i'm not gonna say without knowing anything because i have not listened to that show that they have magically found true crime stories that the 800 other true crime podcasts and miniseries and docuseries and documentaries haven't found but i would bet money that I, a non-fan of, like, it's not like I listen to every single true crime show and whatever, but I've seen a lot of them. I bet I've heard of a lot of the true crime stories that they're shilling out here as. Never before heard. This will be blow your socks off. I bet not. I'm going to do a quick count of how many true crime podcasts I see on this list.

25:36One, two, three, four would solve to be, four, five, morbid, six, seven okay there's seven above us there's seven true kind podcasts above us look i get why it's

25:52Ethan Nestor:popular i do get it it's just really saturated market advertising me as oh we'll bring you stories you've never heard i just struggle to believe that i really do there's like 9 000 netflix documentaries and miniseries about all the even crimes that are not interesting have their own whole series because it's like well it's a story we could tell all right what if we

26:11Mark Fischbach:Switch to a crime podcast Where we learn about these Stories and then we invent ways how we would have Gotten away with it can I make a new intro for It each time like the I turned around Yeah yeah yeah So I started stabbing Alright Bob it's your turn to Single someone out for punching

26:30Ethan Nestor:Alright I've got one Number 24 smart lists Oh yeah get them This is a show where three Guys show up And sit in front of microphones and just talk about some bullshit. And one of them's funny because he's an idiot. And one of them's funny because he's charming. And one of them is Jason Bateman. That's all they do is just blah, blah, blah about nothing. And that's it. That's the episode. And they have guests. Okay. Which is just a hat on a hat. Having guests on a show that already has three people is like wearing a condom on a dick that already has three condoms on it. Yeah. Wait, what? What the fuck?

27:10Wait, hold on.

27:11Ethan Nestor:It's one too many, Mark, is the point. It's one too many, and it sounds boring. One too many condoms or one too many dicks? It's the joke, and I can't think of any reason that the joke isn't funny and doesn't shine a light directly back on my face. Three guys at a podcast talking about nonsense sounds just insufferable. Yeah, you're right. No one would like that. I think that given that we have been friends for probably longer than they have. I don't even know if that's true. They're old. Given that, what are our differences?

27:55Ethan Nestor:We do two thirds of our show aren't famous for anything else. Whereas they got one third of theirs. Wait, no. Are they? They're all. No, I would say all three of them are pretty well famous on their own. Like Jason Bateman, I think is a pretty big star, but Sean Hayes and Will Arnett have been in lots of huge stuff, played lots of huge roles. So suck on that, idiots. Yeah, take that. Guys, you really got to get up in your movie roles. I really need you guys to appear in more movies. Can you make some movies that I can appear in, please? That's the one and only way I've ever successfully accomplished that, so I'm gonna really need your help on that one.

28:35Ethan Nestor:If you could make a movie with more than just yourself as the cast, I'd really appreciate it. I just, I don't want the clip of this to get over to them and then they pull up our IMDb's, you know, and just kind of like compare to person to person. I don't think, I don't think that would go well for us. You know what, guys? I think we should start interviewing really famous people. I think that would really change the dynamic of our show. Their most recent episode has Jason Momoa on it. Can we get Jason? Do we know Jason? Can we get Jason? I know A Jason. That's close enough. I've never listened, just like I've never listened to any of these podcasts, probably.

29:09But that's not an insult to them. Actually, I do listen to Smarterless on occasion because I have some. All right, fair enough. All right. Well, all right. You're helping the enemy.

29:17Ethan Nestor:But I hate it. I listen because it's so bad. Yeah. At least worse than this one that we're doing. Anyway, I was actually hoping one of you would pick it. That was the the daily double the bonus point was smartless There is one more bonus point on the board. Oh, I know which one it is and I'm picking it now

29:36Mark Fischbach:Okay, that's my turn so I get to pick it down. Yeah. Yeah, it is your turn All right. Give me the big bat cuz this is the one that probably ends me Tucker Carlson. I'm coming for you He's the daily triple right? Yeah, no, but go for it all right tucker carlson i think we're all aware of who tucker carlson is do you remember i don't know all the shit he's done but i remember seeing like clips of whenever he went to russia i think was it russia oh god yeah and it was like he was on the most clearly guided tour of all time he's like guys this cold war thing why it's not so bad here they're like us those clips play like

30:20Ethan Nestor:an adult swim sketch show. Did they have tomatoes?

30:25Mark Fischbach:Look, bread. This is great bread. It was like hardcore journalism at its finest. Where do you guys get vegetables? Whoa. The only thing I think about Tucker Carlson is I remember when Jon Stewart was brought on to his old show. Like Crossfire, was that what it was called? Like way back uh way back when and and just like he tried to make fun or poke fun or belittle john stewart and anyone who's ever gone like up against john stewart in any kind of debate almost always ends up looking like a fool but i think in particular that that uh exchange i think that actually quite quite the fool in that one man what hardcore journalism at its finest investigating deep into the guided Russian tour.

31:18Uh-huh. It really felt like a guided North Korean tour. Was it North Korea? No, no, no. It's like that. Where if you see... Oh, yeah, yeah.

31:25Mark Fischbach:They both... Well, yeah. North Korea also does that, don't they? Where they invite people in, but they very, like, strictly are like, look how happy everyone is with the cardboard cutouts. I remember in North Korea, the people went up there and it was everyone in a computer lab, but they were just not typing. Some people had their hands on the keyboard and other people were just, like, looking at the Google homepage. just get away and while everyone on the tour is like standing over the sleep why are they looking at me we don't laugh because the situation in those countries is funny but because the uh perception that it's like real is supposed to be taken as real but it's that ridiculously

32:02Ethan Nestor:presented that's what's funny all right cool all right all right bob i've got one that i have a gripe with but i also think might be an opportunity this this podcast is essentially doing what brands do in grocery stores where they're like oh we need different versions of our product so we can take up more shelf space you know pod save america is a uh left leaning political show they cover a lot of like new stuff and they they are below us their main show pod save america is below us so they're all right except that they have something called pod save breaking news from pod save America, which appears to just be them just talking about whatever news stories are happening.

32:44Ethan Nestor:And it's fourth. What? But that's just them taking up more shelf space, talking about shit that they would normally talk about on their weekly show on something that I assume they post whenever the hell they feel like it. And it's just, I'd actually never listen to it. I assume it's like short episodes where they're just like, look at what Trump did today. Look, South Park talked a lot of shit about Donald. Yeah, there's 18 minutes, 13 minutes, 13 minutes. This is just them like reading whatever headline is happening and then being like, oh, and I hate that. All right. Listen to the main, listen to this in our actual show that we release once a week, but it's fourth.

33:21Ethan Nestor:Why the fuck is that fourth? That's not it. Anyway, it's some bullshit. We could have done that. We could do that where we take clips of our podcast and make a new podcast out of it. I don't know if this is excerpts from their show or if they literally just sit down and read the headline and talk about the news story or whatever but like either way we could do that breaking news from distractible i'll just sit down and read you whatever news story is going on we

33:46Mark Fischbach:release it on a daily basis we could slap at least 10 minutes or 10 minutes 10 ads on a 10 minute

33:52Ethan Nestor:video yeah this is literally they have two of these on august 5th one august 6th on the set they just put out little 15 20 minute things talking about a one or a couple news stories I get it I get why they would want to do that But that's some bullshit that does not Deserve to be on a list of Good shows where they have A lot of work and thought put into Them all right that's that's Just some news which is Important but I Just grinds my gears you know I agree completely this is a Tragedy and this is Unjust because how can They be fourth and thirty whatever They are thirty seventh or something That means if they add theirs together They are technically ahead of us Because if you put 4 plus 37 minus 37 They're at 33 and holy shit They're above us by 1 But only 1 It's just like 1 I hate that 2 if that's allowed We need like 7 more podcasts And we could just call them Distractable No but that's the thing right you just take full episodes Distractable the first 5 minutes And then you just post that

34:59Mark Fischbach:Distractable Baltimore only

35:02Ethan Nestor:distractible the funniest five minutes and then it's just like the good a good bit from every episode but good episodes you get multiple and it's like distractible the end of each episode

35:13Mark Fischbach:and those are all different shows distractible bald and bald it's just baldemort and me anything we say yeah all right okay distractible with no mark and it's just the whole regular show but

35:25Ethan Nestor:Mark's stuff is all cut out. It's like Garfield without Garfield, where it's just John Arbuckle being psychotic. I could see easily eight to 10 shows we could spin off of just the main. We wouldn't have to record any more content, just a little, you know, there'd be more editing work to do, but then we could be putting out one or two things a day. Dominate the charts. I think the top 10 should all be versions of Distractable. I think if that's allowed, I think we should. I've often said this. If we actually tried, we could take over. We could. But God, we're lazy. That sounds exhausting. I don't.

36:05I've been sitting on an animation for this podcast for two months.

36:11Ethan Nestor:Hey, uploading videos to YouTube is harder than it sounds. Okay.

36:16Mark Fischbach:If you think that's bad, you should see our merch. Look, if we try, I'm getting sad. Why did I do this? Don't worry. I got a good one. okay all right go literally bob stole my not not the one i was gonna choose but the same exact concept let me point you to number 38 38 rotten mango let's scroll up and look oh somewhere in teens oh number 10 even rotten mango video and if you click the read more on either one rotten mango august 7th one hour 28 minutes oh rotten mango video oh let's see monday one hour 29 minutes team girl begs tiktok to find her mom's killer what was the other one team girl begs tiktok

37:01Ethan Nestor:to find her mom's killer it's one minute difference with video it's just a show with a video or without video i don't know we could do that what do you what what we've been having the listeners versus viewers debate when we could have had the best of both worlds yeah we should just separate those out then you'll know which side you're on give it all to the listeners then then the rankings would determine whether the listeners or viewers are winning god oh that's true i like that wow okay distractible distractible listeners only distractible viewers only get their viewers only dot com no crossover man i didn't know this is going to be such a deep well of brilliant ideas This is see this is why we got to pay attention because we we may be comfortable where we are in the rankings But we shouldn't stay comfortable.

37:49We got to be hungry. We got to be we got to get on that grind I got to post that animation fuck

37:54Mark Fischbach:I got to post an animation a third channel half video half not and it's just wherever the editors decide to take the video out

38:01Ethan Nestor:You have to hit play on both of them at the same time Oh, and then they'll it's like the audio video, but there's bits missing from Yeah, uh-huh. That's like a... Okay, I got it. Unus onastactable. One year of some video. Every episode has a counter ticking down to the end of the episode. And when the episode ends...

38:29Mark Fischbach:And it ends. You don't have to hover over it to see time remaining. We'll tell you. No, it's the same podcast, just as a timer.

38:37Ethan Nestor:You just call it redacted and make a version of our logo. That's just very black and white redactable Redactable. Oh, it writes itself. We could have so many offshoot podcasts Oh man, if we lived in the same area, we would be able to make so much dude We could make enough podcasts to populate the top 100 on the spotify charts

38:58Mark Fischbach:I didn't mention rotten mango. I don't know if you counted this mark, but it's another crime Well, there's no bonus point for that, but that's a good point. It is a true crime plus all things spooky.

39:07Ethan Nestor:I feel like a lot of these, I'm like, oh, it's a podcast about two friends who hang out. Also, it's true crime. This is going to blow up in our face so hard because everyone listening is going to go check out these other podcasts. We're going to get pushed down so far. So you can only punch up. You can only punch up. We punch down. We're going to bring people up. Well, what happens when they're up and down?

39:28Mark Fischbach:I don't know. I don't know. know we've not even scrolled to see the other 15 of the same channel all right well then go bob it's

39:36Ethan Nestor:your turn we got we got i honestly feel like we're running out of stuff in here that's not true crime shows uh number 25 on this list right now the title alone just makes me i don't know i think about this guy the diary of a ceo with stephen bartlett listen i get that the the grind grind Mindset is a thing. And there's a lot of people who, who in the world that we live in right now, in the context of what's happening, especially in America with all the capitalism flying around, who gives a fuck about what, what would be inside the diary of a CEO? What? Oh, oh, July 27th. Too much money today. They brought three big trucks full of money to my house.

40:26Ethan Nestor:And I was like, where am I to put all of this money? Oh, my money closets are all full. I'll have to start filling my third pool with money. And I was like, oh, then I could Scrooge McDuck my way through the pool. But we all know that doesn't work. We've all tried that. When you get your first few truckloads of money, everybody tries the Scrooge McDuck. Life is unfair. Oh, no. Wait, but I didn't say it. He said it.

40:55Mark Fischbach:Oh, no! So, wait, this was not even Bob. This was Stephen Bartlett calling unfair. All right. If it's all heads, Stephen Bartlett's podcast gets deleted. If it's all tails, our podcast gets deleted.

41:17Ethan Nestor:It's the only way. Oh, well, let's see what happens, I guess. This is a really important coin flip. Wait, there's more. Alright, you know what? Fuck it. Here we go. Ha!

41:31Mark Fischbach:Tails. Oh, thank God. Oh, we almost got him! Oh, that was close. I like how mine's a dramatic reveal, because the focus doesn't work anymore.

41:42Ethan Nestor:I like how mine's a dramatic reveal, because what the fuck is mine? Mine's a lady and a lion. The lion is tails. Don't ask questions. Mine's a George and an eagle. All right, well, I guess you get to live another day, CEO Stephen Bartlett. But still, nobody's sad about how much money you have in your big, giant mansion, Mr. CEO. I will admit that there's tons of people that find inspiration from those kind of things. But I also will say, and I've been saying it the entire time I've been doing anything, is that, like, it doesn't matter if you're an entrepreneur or if you have the grind set, whatever.

42:19It's creativity. that above any other skill imagination and creativity that's what seems to get lost it's not about how hard you work it's it's because that is part of it but it's about how you can create creative interesting useful solutions or interesting ideas and spill them out into the world and also you know maybe don't put money first you're sharing a little too much here mark

42:46Mark Fischbach:we're going to start a new podcast called the pyramid scheme where we sell this info And then people below us will sell the info and we take a small cut of it, you know Because it was originally our idea, but like they get to keep most of it and everyone gets rich It's trickle up economics. I like that. I like that. Yeah And in a way I do appreciate because this person probably is doing the creative thing where they're they're doing what other people have done Where they're making a product out of their own success Maybe wait, I gotta look up their weight. What's their I don't know They have a...

43:18Ethan Nestor:He seems to be management of a capital fund. Stephen is a British entrepreneur, investor, and author, founder of Flight Story, a media company, and Flight Fund, an investment fund backing the next generation of category-defining businesses. Is this like a private capital, private investment fund type thing? I don't really know. It's unclear from this podcast summary what exactly he does, but... Okay, so it is kind of a company that is about selling this idea that other people can make companies. They've had 1.2 billion downloads slash streams. I mean, it's a very, very successful show. There must be something to that.

43:58I mean, if we had, can we see that? Yeah, we got our statue recently. We did? That's great. $250 million was for the statue, I think.

44:05Ethan Nestor:Yeah, you got that, didn't you?

44:07Mark Fischbach:Yeah, I'm sure I did, probably. Wade, are you okay? You got it?

44:10Ethan Nestor:All right in the last 30 days we have 9.4 million plays that's only 30 days. I don't oh lifetime we have 420 million 765 thousand plays and 2.4 million followers

44:27Mark Fischbach:420 plays it I Don't know if these are all like exclusive spot. We're living Spotify charts. I don't know if this is exclusive or not I've had you know 22.7 billion views on my channel

44:42I know I can't bring that into this discussion. This is purely about podcast. So guys, we really got to step it up. We're, we're. Don't worry. I've got one. Okay. All right.

44:51Mark Fischbach:Joe Rogan. Here we come. The bonus, the other daily double. First of all, bald and a name that sounds like Rogaine. If you have any, let me know. Second of all, the Joe Rogan experience. What is the experience? Having a bunch of weird, controversial people on to state their controversial opinions and be like, I didn't say it, they did. What an experience to have. You know what an experience would be? A virtual tour on like a fucking canoe while you interviewed them. Not sitting in your little office with your microphone letting them say all their shit. Sitting at number one on your golden fucking throne.

45:31Mark Fischbach:What an experience. We're coming for you, bitch. We've been there twice. We'll be there again. God Tell him I'm sure he's terrified That was great fuck your dreams Fuck your nightmares energy those That was quite a no bald he's gonna Beat me for long all right Well wow yeah he got he also got the Other daily double uh wait that's pretty good We're closing in on the last ranks there's Tons of other podcasts to poke at Uh Bob you have any

46:00Ethan Nestor:Thoughts another one I didn't Listen to and have no Plans to listen to number Number two on the list, good hang with Amy Poehler. Get her. Look, Amy Poehler as an actress, great. Very funny. Very good roles. Very lovable characters and or hateable characters. Amy Poehler as the host of a show where random celebrities come just to talk with her just because she's Amy Poehler. Honestly, that sounds kind of good. I was going to talk shit, but am I going to have to redact this point? I mean, blonde hair. Ah, no, I thought I would come up with something. I just really don't want to talk shit about Amy Poehler.

46:44Man, I think I might have to listen to the show. I have to scratch out this point and chuck it over to Wade for the steal.

46:51Mark Fischbach:Yeah, talk, share stories about careers, mutual friends, shared enthusiasm. Okay, Amy, let's be a little less optimistic and more realistic. We don't need optimism in our podcast. We need a real hard-hitting truths like distractible offers. Is that a good steal? No, that was not a good steal. Shit. I've got a steal. Look at number two and number three. How do we know that those two aren't the same person? Blonde. A woman. Look at that. See? That art won't fool anybody. That's true. All blonde women are the same, I think. That's what I'm saying.

47:28Ethan Nestor:Oh, that's an easy one. You tied it in. Good Hang with Amy Poehler. secretly true crime podcast all podcasts other than distractible are secretly just true crime

47:37Mark Fischbach:podcasts and 17 call her daddy also blonde woman 19 for blonde women in the top 34 i think we're seeing a trend oh my god what's even the percentage of blonde women in the population yeah there should be more white men hosting podcast how many 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. Hey! Hey! Not white! Yeah, man. All right, fine. Fuck.

48:14Mark Fischbach:Man. All right, you know, fine, whatever I guess. The half of you people call... The half of you... Wait, hold on. What's this? The half of me people! The half of you people call... All right, okay. All right. People... Oh, audience, stop clipping. You have to stop clipping now. It's getting bad. Goddamn. We're going to call this episode Drama Alarm.

48:41I just came up with that. All right. Wade, that was a bad steal. Bob, it's back to you. You get a chance of redemption. Otherwise, the score is going to get away from you.

48:49Ethan Nestor:Easy one. Low-hanging fruit. I'm surprised we haven't gone for yet. And it's a multiple one. Oh, where'd it go? Number 12. and number 31. NPR shows. Literally just NPR shows. Boring. Oh my god. Who made the sound of taking a nap into a podcast? Get out of here. Why do those get to be on the top list? Informative? Maybe. Annoyingly close to the microphone whisper talking? Guaranteed. Worthy of being in the top 34 best podcasts in the entire known universe? I don't think so. All right, that gets it. You know what? People don't rag on NPR enough. They've been skating by easy. We all know. They lost their$500 million.

49:44Ethan Nestor:Now they need to lose their spots in the top podcast charts. That's what I'm here for next.

49:51Mark Fischbach:NPR, you know what it stands for? No people care.

49:58Ethan Nestor:Oh man Got him What a scathing indictment of education in this nation We should be a roasting only podcast Only we had more NPR shows to tell us how to make acronyms Alright, well, that was really good It's really scathing I think that we are either really climbing the rankings Or we're kicked off entirely Next week, 58th All right. Then we'll have more people to talk shit about. Yeah. Are we doing any more? Are we stopping? Uh, what time is it? We got time for one more. Uh, Wade, it's back to you.

50:37Mark Fischbach:All right. This is a near punch, but it's a little bit of a down. Number 35, two bears, one cave. I don't know if you guys see the art for this one. I'm pretty sure those are not real bears. So this is false advertising if I've ever seen it. Yeah, get them. If you're going to call yourselves two bears in one cave, but only the head with a white outline is the bear. And one guy's not even bear chested. Terrible advertising. I'll never listen just because of the lies I'm told with my eyes. It's probably a true crime podcast as well. Let's be honest. Almost definitely. Comedian, best friends, and also bears together in their bear cave at Yamaha Studios.

51:20Mark Fischbach:What? Oh, YMH Studios? Yeah, Yamaha. It's not Yamaha. They don't want to get sued, so it's Yamaha. I love Wade's still a joke, just like he keeps going until it gets funny. I admire the perseverance. You're going to laugh. Or else I'm going to beat the laughing. All right, is that it? I went first, so technically Bob should get one more. All right, Bob, last chance.

51:44Ethan Nestor:Number 21, pardon my take. Who the fuck wants a podcast about sports? that's most of what I have to say about this one. Sports are already on TV. Watch the sports. They already have fleets of dudes talking about the sports that are on TV. These are just guys who weren't good enough to talk about sports while they're on TV talking about sports that were on TV, but no one was interested in giving them any screen time on the TV sports networks. I'll just go watch Around the Horn. Thank you very much, which I think that show actually ended, but that was the first one I could think of. pti is still on i think this is oh p yeah that's the other thing part of my take this is just knock off pardon the interruption this is clearly a play off of a show that actually exists with actual sports guys on it pardon my take it's just some dudes probably drunk sitting around apparently on some bar stools talking about whatever their favorite sports team that sucks did recently sounds boring sounds stupid nobody likes sports get out of here isn't there a separate chart for that shouldn't you be over on the sports chart why are you so sad Mark what does sports podcasts have to do with you

52:58Mark Fischbach:also the guy's shirt says Y-A-B-O I don't know of a single sport that keeps track of yards after body odor not one thank you Muppets I'm glad we had you on as guest today that's my real laugh sorry anyway also the only thing I don't know about them but I see that they say they're presented by DraftKings and boy Howdy do I hate sports betting?

53:21Ethan Nestor:Presented by gambling addiction in your pocket on the thing you have to use every day

53:26Mark Fischbach:But if you guys use code distractible

53:30Ethan Nestor:You get five free dollars to bet assuming you bet$500 per day for two weeks straight Man that is the thing about Go is We get every week an offer for one of the sports betting things to do like presenting and stuff Because they want to be on every sports and we say no every time So what happens anyway is they'll run ads on the podcast, and those are things that we don't have to approve because we're not reading them, but they just go, and even though we've said many times we don't want them, powers that be, this is the kind of tea that people want. Apparently that's the only thing that makes sports worth paying any attention to whatsoever.

54:08Ethan Nestor:What did we even do with sports before you could bet on them with your phone? I don't remember.

54:12Mark Fischbach:There were some frogs that sang about beer. Sounds boring. Sounds pointless. Yeah. Shampoo, Clydesdales? No, I don't know what you're talking about. How much money is in shampoo? How can I bet on shampoo? You're asking the wrong guy, man. All right. Well, that wraps it up. And the only thing left to do is to throw shade at one myself. You guys remember a long time ago when we were just getting started and my manager was reaching out to some other podcasts. And they said, you know, hey, would you want Mark on as a guest to talk about his podcast? And one of them one of them got back I mean I didn't go on any of them because I was really lazy and I didn't I didn't actually follow through with any of it But one of them busy busy.

54:55He was busy. Actually, I was big but just hold on the story one of them got back and was like Markiplier the youtuber Uh No, you remember that do you remember me telling me about this? I do I remember which show that was too I don't remember anything, but I believe it. I In this episode i'm gonna name the podcast that said such words to me, and I am here to tell you all at home. Should I tell them your episode, man?

55:24Mark Fischbach:Don't put this on me.

55:25Ethan Nestor:Yeah, I mean, that was behind-the-scenes conversation or whatever, but it's not like that's an NDA. Shouldn't have been rude if you didn't want someone to talk about how rude you were. Shouldn't have been rude. Exactly, exactly. I'm here to say, two and a half years later, after I finally healed from my wounded pride, that Dax Shepard, armchair expert with Dax Shepard, was the one that besmirched me? Oh, YouTuber, eh? Just because you're twice as high on the rankings as us doesn't mean that you get to stomp all over my hopes and dreams and accomplishments. Dax.

56:02Mark Fischbach:They got his photo mid-jizz, too. Sorry.

56:11Sorry.

56:15Ethan Nestor:hey he should have posted that photo on the internet if he wanted people to talk about how he's mid jizzing it anyway sorry number one no and that'll conclude it with this episode's tirade of drama we have stirred the pot we have shaken the can we have opened the pickle jar we are now in the thick of it, slinging mud left and right. And this is just who we got to be now.

56:43Mark Fischbach:Only here where you get the deep dive into every podcast and the critical analysis we provided today.

56:50Ethan Nestor:Here in drama alarm country, that's just what we do.

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57:33Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything. Even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons. Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up. Flip the sip. Alright, so thank you guys for participating in this. That was very funny. I enjoyed that very much so. Um, and it was a close race. You both got each one of the daily doubles Um, I felt like they were pretty obvious. I was trying to make it, you know, uh Something that both of you could get so each one of you got one.

58:17So Bob You know first you got the most interesting point. I don't remember what you said, but I wasn't paying attention anyway You said you were sick. Uh, so I remember that True crime with Kimber you roasted him alive and all other true crime podcasts smart lists with the bonus episode That's five. Pod Save America, two podcasts, Dyer of a CEO, NPR. I had to take away the good hang point and then pardon my take. So you have nine points going into the next segment. Wade, you drove to get a late night snack. I'm very proud of you. Oh, good. You speak genetic code. That's your second language, I believe.

58:54Caller Daddy, criminally listed. Another of the many, many true crime podcasts. Tucker Carlson rotten mango having two as well Joe Rogan with the double point and Then two bears one cave you guys are actually tied nine to nine. It was pretty even I think that

59:10Mark Fischbach:It's almost shocking so now we spin the tie wheel right we spin the wheel of fate it is tied going into it

59:18Ethan Nestor:I realized I guess we don't want zero but zero could be on this this wheel of options Zero Nah, maybe it could be a tiny sliver. All right. One bonus point. All right. So Cause the most drama or through shade the most or Attack someone something something like that. Was it you?

59:39Mark Fischbach:You caused all of this you did this to us. Yeah, most personal attacks.

59:43Ethan Nestor:Oh, it's personal attacks I like that because we do that to each other too. Oh, yes, we do. Oh, you're right. We do that'll that'll come up All right, so unless something crazy happens, it all comes down to this. One point for viewers. Let's do it. Oh, no, don't say that. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, shit. Half a point for Mark. Oh, no. Fuck. Oh, boy. Well, well, well. Oh, we haven't spun it in a long time, so I think. Oh wow that's big Oh my shit And you gotta add to it don't ya It's fine it's fine That's 25 and a quarter percent Just about Mark any last words It'll probably be fine It's gonna be fine it'll be fine It's fine it's fine It'll be fine Oh that's a long Oh Wade Alright Winner by the tie wheel and it will go up from here.

1:00:52But Wade, congratulations. You win the tie wheel winner. Thank you. I'm assuming that's a segue to a winner's speech.

1:01:01Mark Fischbach:Yes, please win the speech. Well, this was a great episode. I think we really did a good job of just showing how much we care about community, about each other and lifting each other up, especially lifting Distractable up. And we will be back to number one very soon because of all of you who are going to be listening and watching harder than you've ever listened and watched before because we need to be number one because you know why if we're not number one we're not well well done well said well spoken this is truly our path to the top it is the dark side but the dark side is a path to many things that other podcasts would deem unnatural.

1:01:44Bob?

1:01:46Ethan Nestor:Honestly, if Amy Poehler is the one who cost me the win, I guess that's fine. It's funny because her type of humor is really cringy, and honestly, I find it difficult to watch sometimes. But she's just really undeniably talented. I'm okay with that. You know what? I lost because I couldn't talk shit about Amy Poehler and her podcast where she has a bunch of famous people on. I did this to myself. I picked that target. I just assumed I could do it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So it's on me, really. I do think roasting all true crime podcasts could have been worth, you know, maybe another half point or something.

1:02:20Ethan Nestor:It's about 9 trillion true crime podcasts in the top 10 list somehow. But, you know. It just goes to show we need to make distractible crime. That'll be the next one. And then distractible touch for, you know, the touchers out there. The viewers, listeners, and then touchers. Wait till the tasters come in. All right, well, thank you everybody so much for watching our job is done here your job just begins get those clips rolling We got a stir that pot Everyone's gonna be mad and everyone's gonna come attack us, but because we are immune to criticism We'll be fine. Why does it look like I'm bleeding from the corner of my eye?

1:02:56Ethan Nestor:It doesn't look like blood Necessarily, but yeah, it looks you get punched by like a lightning bug or something No, I don't know. Anyway. But thank you everybody so much for watching. Be sure to follow the podcast. There is... I'm gonna call it. There's podcast. There's podcast. There's merch right now.

1:03:11Mark Fischbach:Crazy thing to say. Crazy shit. What's the website? No clue. We've been store dot. We've been distract the store. We've been merch. Anyway, it exists, but you can't get to it. Because fuck you.

1:03:31Ethan Nestor:if you want any of that shit you better already have known where it was going to be all right we'll figure that out follow these guys oh shit that's it podcast out

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