Hard or Soft?

14:35Mark Fischbach:I've just seen too many of like the fail army type videos where there's assholes that like open their car doors and shit the motorcycles like I don't know I'd be so scared of like someone doing that I mean it's not gonna happen on the highway but yeah I totally get on the cities I don't know man some people are crazy everyone's crazy everywhere lane splitting is a funny thing

14:52Ethan Nestor:for those who don't know lane splitting is when motorcycles drive down between lanes of cars because they can fit because they're tiny because I kind of come down on both sides of it because as a person who's ridden a motorcycle I'm like yeah why would I not do that if it's legal which it is in a lot of places some places it's not and if you do it where it's illegal then you should get a ticket probably but if it's legal like it is in california why would i not do that that's very convenient but as a person who drives a car 99 of my life i'm like why the fuck would you do that you're gonna get yourself killed you crazy ass motorcycle douchebags i don't know i come down on both sides you said you lane split when you rode mark well i mean i did for a while and then I had a close call doing lane splitting.

15:33I was like, you know what? I don't know if I ever need this really.

15:36Mark Fischbach:I don't know if this is for me. Like on nice weather days, sometimes people like put their arms out, stretch their arms, like feel the wind and stuff. I'd be like, I want to get clotheslined or take off someone's arm. I don't know.

15:46Ethan Nestor:I will say one of the things about lane splitting is you're not supposed to go 120 down the highway between cars that are doing like 75. You're supposed to go slightly faster than the flow of traffic. So dudes on sport bikes who lane split at a thousand miles an hour that's still uncool even if it's legal wherever they're doing that but safely lane splitting is a thing you could do that that's fair that's fair this guy though this was like doing wheels nah he was yeah well i imagine the professional taxi service was doing

16:16Mark Fischbach:wheelies and tricks and shit mark's head is like one foot off the ground the whole way i was actually his i was his brace against the ground he was using my head as like you know make sure you didn't flip all the way back so he duct taped the wheel to the back of your helmet just in case yeah he actually put like that paper on matchbox so i sparked on the way out it was really cool actually from what i could see if my gopro was there if i had a gopro you know if you had a gopro imagine we could have seen so many cool shots i could have i could have right now when you buy more carpet at the home depot you save more during our buy more save more event going on now Upgrade your carpeting with the top brands and save up to 15 % off installed carpet projects.

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17:18Ethan Nestor:And unless there's more small talk, should we get to the game? Game, game, game. This is a spiritual successor to a game that we played previously called Big or Small, where we talked about if we would rather have big or small versions of things. This one is hard or soft. Okay. All right. It makes more sense than it sounds like it does, because I got to be honest, I read this in my notes and was like, it's a fucking weird idea. That's not a thing. It'll be fine. It's good. If you guys think of anything that you would like to debate, this is kind of an open debate one. It's not really like a game back and forth as much as I just want to talk about all these different things.

18:01Ethan Nestor:The first one I have here might be contentious, but ignore your personal preference for this specific thing. I just want to talk about if you would prefer hard or soft tacos. Maybe it's a taco filled with food that you really, really like. Maybe it's like a hamburger taco. It doesn't have to be, and Wade has mixed feelings about tacos, that's fine. But just the harder softness of it. Harder soft tacos.

18:28Mark Fischbach:I'm going to stand on a soapbox here for my wife and say she likes crunchy tacos, therefore hard tacos. Soft. I'll tell you why if I'm allowed. No. I'll allow it. All right. Okay. It's because there's a good idea and then there's the execution of the idea. And a hard taco is a good idea conceptually. It photographs well. It looks appetizing. The second you have to actually encounter that, you realize the fundamental flaw in the human design. Our mouths are not vertical. And then you have to encounter the other fundamental flaw of the structural design of the thing. That if as soon as you bite, the cracks which propagate through a hard shell taco go almost entirely propagate down the bottom of it.

19:18So that the entire ass of the taco falls out the first bite or cracks in half that way and the same effect is there.

19:26Ethan Nestor:It has to be when a lot of restaurants put the wet, delicious, but wet, like heavy meat ingredients or other stuff in the bottom, completely ruining the structural integrity of the crunchy taco shell. Yeah, 100%. And it's just like, it needs to be supplemented with like a cardboard box or something like that to just aid in the whole process and it just makes it difficult and when i'm eating i can't be bothered with all of that as i'm whipping through traffic eating my tacos can i just say this question was a trap because i know the actual factual correct answer but you point out a good thing mark you're right you know what i would generally go for soft tacos you know what's one of my favorite crunchy tacos the doritos loco crunchy tacos you know why because it comes with its own cardboard sheath so when you're eating it you you stick out just enough you take a bite and it doesn't matter that it fucking disintegrates into a million piece it's in a little thingy it's contained it's fine it's great but the correct answer is i forget what they're called exactly i think there's a thing i've seen at restaurants that are not taco bell but Taco Bell has these as well.

20:41Ethan Nestor:It's a crunchy taco shell with a soft taco shell glued to the outside with cheese. I don't know. Is that what they call a gordita crunch? Is that what that? Because you get all the good stuff about a crunchy taco. It's crunchy. It's delightful. It's like eating. Really, it's like eating a nacho sandwich, which we all know I like nachos, but it's glued together. It's like safety glass when you bite it and the crunchy taco shell disintegrates into dust. It's fine because there's a soft taco shell there to save everything.

21:14Mark Fischbach:Look, if you want a soft taco, we have something called a sandwich or a bun that already exists. Here's a quote from John A. Shedd that I think will ring true. A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. A crunchy taco may be a mess waiting to happen, but it's an adventure worth embarking because it It is the journey that matters more than the destination. And with food, they both pretty much matter a lot. But that crunchy exploration, that's the idea, the epitome of taco. Whereas, listen, me as a non-taco guy, give me that bun all day. But you think taco, you think crunch.

21:54Ethan Nestor:I know. I think soft.

21:55Mark Fischbach:Wrong. I think smoosh. You know, smoosh. Get a hamburger bun and fold it. Hot dog. A hot dog and taco? Oh, God. Where are we going? I think I need to remind people of the quote from I.B. Salen, who was on board the Titanic when its crunchy shell was fractured by that mouth of an iceberg and all of its contents came spilling out. A gordita crunch is just trying to be a soft taco to appease to those weirdos and freaks of nature that enjoy a crunchy taco. Look, I appreciate the Doritos Locos. If I have to endure the indignity of a hard shell taco, I will approach one with my mouth and bring it near me, but I will not say I imbibed.

22:44Ethan Nestor:I just didn't bring it near me. What the hell kind of weird Victorian taco experience are you having?

22:51Mark Fischbach:I have experienced hard shell tacos, but I did not imbibe. Okay, so the Titanic was crunchy and sank, but if I throw bread into the water, you know what happens? Birds eat it and it's bad for them. So if I put a wet thing in the water, what's going to happen? We're going to kill ocean life.

23:08Ethan Nestor:Put a pin in this because we're going to get around to boats. Don't even worry about that. Oh man, I really love soft boats. That one I had a strong opinion on. This next one, I can't decide. I need you to help me. Oh, we're here. Hard or soft ice cream. I don't mean like fucking ice cubes with flavor in them. I mean soft serve ice cream or like UDF graders scooped hard ice cream out of the cooler which one I've worked there for

23:39Mark Fischbach:a while so I will defer and let Mark go first before I destroy his incorrect opinion because

23:44Ethan Nestor:I don't know if I can pick and I want someone to tell me what to think oh so we're talking like from a machine where you pull the lever it goes yeah like soft serve like and you make the little turd cone and then or you make like a milk you know whatever thank you for bringing up my main point the turd cone you can't make the glorious shape ignore everything i said about the taco round it's all about appearances about presentation you have to have the picturesque shape of the triangle going down cone if you will and then the cone coming up it's symmetry in nature if it has the two you can't get two i don't care about neapolitan it doesn't exist that's basically it's a freak of nature it's a random chance but having the two swirl of color spiraling down so elegantly reminisces me that's how you use a word reminisces me yeah yeah of the days of unisonus with its spirals and i think it's uh i think it's important for our culture what is your answer

24:55Mark Fischbach:it was like billy madison where everything you said made me feel stupider by the end drift into the finish line of something i could just coast i ran out of gas halfway through it as like oh god i was like oh he's going for real ice cream he didn't mention real ice cream once what does he

25:10Ethan Nestor:feel that brought up an experience that maybe is affecting my opinion here do you know what is one of the most disappointing things i've experienced about ice cream previously what's that i went to a I think it was a dairy quay to like we were getting like a summer treat right and I as a kid I was always hardcore I would either get chocolate or vanilla but there was a point where I was like why would I not just get twist both is the best because then you get some and I went we went to this place where we're like let's get ice cream and we're getting and I got a twist cone which supposed to be that that half and half chocolate vanilla they fucking gave me an ice cream cone with one turd of vanilla and one turd of chocolate on top of it it was soft serve they just like didn't the like the machine was broken or something they gave that to me and i was like i don't know ice cream could make me feel rage like what the fuck is this isn't a twist cone at all i've never been more sad about ice cream specifically probably been more sad about other of stuff you got highs you got lows but you only felt so sad because you could feel so happy from

26:16Mark Fischbach:the soft because i knew what was possible all right wade so as someone who worked in ice cream for well i don't know if i whatever his position was i don't know hey see you deferred to me i should use i get to pick i did and i still don't know what position you have so i'm going to give mine i worked at united dairy farmers for a couple of years in ice cream and i can tell you the soft serve machine was a giant pain in the ass it was a huge machine that sat took up a huge amount of space and we had two little like areas we'd pour in these little half gallons right you had our vanilla our chocolate or we'd have seasonal like peach or something so we'd have different ones we'd have one side we get a half gallon of vanilla soft serve liquid you pour it in the top something fucking happens and it becomes vanilla soft serve you get your chocolate you pour it the other side some weird magic happens and it becomes chocolate then you have a third nozzle which is your twist where the two combine and that's how you get your twist so yeah if you're if that's broken i don't know how you get a twist other than a turd of vanilla and a turd of chocolate because that's not how you can't just wouldn't make a solid cone i don't care why i care that that happened to me and it was tragic i don't disagree with you so that's how your soft serve stuff works then you go to clean the machine it's not pleasant like the vanilla side's fine but the chocolate side every time you clean it you have to rinse it with like water we'd clean it every day we cleaned the software machine every day and watching just like the chunks of chocolate that weren't fully liquid that would stick to the sides and look like splatter in the top it made soft serve really unappealing to me whereas with you know normal ice cream or hard ice cream whatever you want to call it you always know what you're gonna get i mean if someone leaves it out or doesn't do a good job or covers it properly you can get like freezer burn and then it's bad but you can scrape off freezer burn to get to the good part if you eat ice cream like a normal person and you take care of it it's consistent it's better there's a lot more options for flavor the one thing i guess you could say about soft serve is you can make like the what like the blizzards from dairy queen and stuff where it's a lot easier to mix in like toppings and make stuff like that udf had like 200 ice cream flavors and we only ever had at most maybe four soft serve flavors two at a time or three if you count the twist as its own flavor ice cream has infinitely more possibilities it's more consistent hard ice cream if that's what we're calling it superior by 9 000 miles i'm not saying soft serve isn't good there's in a day where i crave soft serve sure but it doesn't mean

28:47Ethan Nestor:it's higher quality or better oh there's no right answers here but wade was right i feel slapped and

28:53Mark Fischbach:kissed at the same time. Thank you. Well, I didn't insult you. I know, but I still felt like that for

28:58Ethan Nestor:some reason. Okay. Well, you're welcome. All right. Onward, deeper into the rabbit hole. Keyboards. We all have hard keyboards, I think, in front of us right now because we're all at computers, but we all also use soft keyboards every day of our lives on our phone or our tablet or on the touchscreen thing at the store that you have to use or what have you. And I think it's hard to argue that the user experience of a software keyboard is better in any way than the user experience of a normal hard keyboard. But would you really carry around a hard keyboard with you every place you went in order to use it for anything you might need to use it for?

29:42Ethan Nestor:Isn't there a reason that BlackBerry's died? I don't know. What do you guys think? Hard keyboard, soft keyboard? It's his turn to go first.

29:49Mark Fischbach:Hard keyboard you my favorite phone I ever had was a phone you would hold up and you could slide the back down and there was a little keyboard you could type on a hard keyboard and man my things didn't autocorrect to something stupid whenever I tried to hit space it didn't hit enter all the fucking time or period I could reach all the letters perfectly I loved that phone so much and it only died because of like Apple conspiracy where they killed the creators of the real keyboard probably And have them locked in a basement those other survivors and they've destroyed all the engineers of small hard keyboards I'm wearing my tinfoil hat and I know that that's what happened because hard keyboard phones were the epitome of life and hard keyboard Much better than soft ever could be

30:33Ethan Nestor:You know, there's a company that makes a thing where you could just it like magnets to your phone and you have a basically exactly what you're talking about Oh, man, you're taking my points man. He's robbing my points right from my point cradle. Oh, that's fine It helps me. I'll take it. Mark, you can have a robbed point point. Sorry, bud. Yeah, I was literally looking up the Clix keyboard thing. Is that what it's called? The Clix? Yeah, it's called Clix or something.

30:58Mark Fischbach:You know, back in my day, you didn't have to have greedy accessories that just came with the keyboard. I think, however, there's a problem with the Clix thing. And I don't know how they've overlooked it, but they did. It's because they just put it at the bottom where it could make the phone longer. I didn't have any of these phones, but you know in the back of the day they were like, wow, you turn them, you flip them, you rotate them, wow, the keyboard coming out was like part of the thing. It's like, why didn't they just make a landscape, they can sell a portrait version of it, why didn't they make a landscape version that could go on sideways so you could have a big, because this is hard enough on a small keyboard, on a digital one, it's even harder on a physical one where your fat thumb can actually press the other ones, instead of having the progressively getting worse intelligent features that, you know, secretly make the buttons different sizes based on what it thinks you're gonna get and it's wrong all the time now but you know i'm just like it's a it's it shows that there is a need but it shows also that the people designing the products sometimes still don't fully reconcile with

32:01Ethan Nestor:what might actually be useful in my opinion yeah i will say i did have a couple phones that had physical keyboards and the vertical ones all misery i have big hands i have big thumbs i've never used a vertical keyboard that wasn't just pure agony to try and deal with but the horizontal ones oh man i had the first android phone that ever launched i had the t-mobile g1 back in the day and it had a screen that like had like a fancy double hinge and the screen it didn't just slide it like and oh god did that thing have the best physical keyboard it was so good it had character it had a number row it had character keys fucking i did appreciate that but i just feel like i do appreciate software keyboards that they exist and that you can have that as a solution i don't know if i'm gonna come down hard on a side of this or not but nobody does a good job of implementing them i think is the biggest problem that both kinds of keyboards face right

33:07Mark Fischbach:i had a singular plan and i think i had like one of my first flip phones the keyboard was just the number pad right it was just like you had to press two three times to get to the letter c or whatever it was bro t9 texting was the shit i missed t9 oh man i remember the top part of my phone broke off so i no longer had a screen but for whatever reason i could still text and like talk like i could call people and talk to them but i couldn't hear so i would text people be like i really hope these are the correct letters i am sending but it was one-way calls for like two or three weeks

33:42Ethan Nestor:god damn that's hilarious every time wade calls you pick up and he's just like mid-sentence like i'm coming home soon i'm leaving i'm coming i'll be there in 25 minutes you're like i can't okay fuck god jesus just yell the same sentence for a minute straight just repeating i repeat the message three times to make sure it goes through i mean it it's definitely should stay dead but t9 texting was a good solution in a world where you were trying to type on a keyboard that had 12 total buttons.

34:13Mark Fischbach:I think that might be part of the reason why all these shortcuts for words were invented because any long message you had to type out was like, oh god, why is my name going to be Schmitty Warben Menjensen? I'm going over to Schmitty Warben Menjensen's now. By the time I texted, it's three hours have gone by. Schmitty Warben. Jaeger Menjensen. Oh, even longer!

34:34Ethan Nestor:Jaeger! Anyway, we're old. Keyboards are funny. Blackberries should stay where they ended up because Blackberry keyboards were always awful. You know, is there anybody at Blackberry right now that's like, Oh, physical keyboards are coming. Guys, fire up the machines.

34:52Mark Fischbach:Get the belts moving. Jim's skeleton gets shaken like, Jim, wake up. We're back at it. I'm sure they've drifted along as a company because I think they have. But it's like this would be their time to be like all that money we've been saving up for this one moment and definitely haven't been spending on ceo bonuses or something like that

35:10Ethan Nestor:it's time it's like go the blackberry fully touchscreen phone that they launched this is something just no one will give any shits about but i had a friend who had that and i remember how sad it was because he was really excited right it was in the era when software keyboards were starting to become a thing and like the iphone existed and it was in the era of uh the moto the moto whatever the first motos of android phones i had a ringtone that said hello moto there's a little beat to it like it was like oh it's a blackberry but it's modern it's got has this screen that moves and all and then like after owning it for a brief time he was like wow blackberry fucking sucks like the only thing about blackberry is that it's the form factor of a blackberry a blackberry in the shape of every other cell phone on the market is just a terrible

36:00Mark Fischbach:cell phone they were like the premier phone for a while like if you had a blackberry you were real

36:06Ethan Nestor:fancy well yeah because of because business because business people needed to send emails and they revolutionized how you could send emails over cellular networks and blah blah blah according to all the clips of the movie about blackberry that i've seen on youtube shorts and tiktok they were revolutionary in what they were doing yeah yeah that's the thing i've seen that guy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia screaming at his employees about something, something, client-side, something. Oh, that is that guy. Oh, that's, I thought he looked familiar. The angry boss guy from the Blackberry movie is Dennis from It's Always Sunny.

36:45Ethan Nestor:Wow. He's such a good actor. Like, his range is ridiculous because he is actually just becomes different roles, and you'll be like, holy shit, that is him. The fuck? Alright, deeper. hard or soft drink containers and before you think you know the answer and jump to a conclusion think about it a little bit more deeply because i'm calling squeezy water bottles soft even though they're not exactly like you know pillows they're squeezy i'm asking this for a friend what about boobs boobs hard or soft you mean milk bags that's a soft drinking container you mean milk bags oh Oh, boobs. You mean milk bags?

37:26Ethan Nestor:Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, look, if we're talking about in the context of drink containers, yes. Austin, did you know that milk comes in bags in Canada? Yes, I did know that. What the fuck, Canada? They got milk bags in Canada? You buy milk bags at the store in Canada. Kids see those. What about, okay, aluminum cans. When you hold them before they're open, they're hard because of pressure, but afterwards they kind of crinkle a little bit. They're a little softer. they are a tiny bit flexible as opposed to what I'm thinking you're thinking like a cup like this being hard well even even like a capri sun pouch when it's filled with liquid it's hard because it has volume inside of it right like I would say the can because it's a crushable it's you could crush those up with your hands I would say those are soft I mean unless you're a madman you can't crush like a ceramic coffee mug with your hands down to like right right anything that is malleable with your own strength, right?

38:23All right, I'm going to go out on a very niche use case for this because in the long run, I'm not sure if it matters that much unless you got some genius thing, but I'll give a niche case for soft things like a Capri Sun in general. When I traveled for making Iron Lung a lot, I had this exterior dock that I brought with me that had its built-in power supply. It was very useful, but it overheated a lot. So it got really warm because there really wasn't a big fan in there. I don't even know if there was a fan, but I learned a trick, which is a Capri Sun has an aluminum, soft aluminum based pouch.

38:57I don't know if it's fully aluminum, but it's soft. So if you kept them in the fridge and or kept them in the freezer, here's how the order you do it. You get the one from the fridge. It's cold. You lay it on top of there. It would kind of mold a little bit to the shape of it, and then it would heat up and it would be a little heat sink i would take that shape put it in the freezer afterwards it would freeze flat on the bottom so that i could put it back on and then i started a chain of like probably the people at tbd wondered if i had like an addiction to capri sun because i kept grabbing them all that's so fucking funny

39:31Ethan Nestor:why is mark getting all the capri suns from crafty every five minutes he gets another capri sun what the fuck is this and it worked it worked it would last for like when it was frozen it would last for like an hour and it wouldn't really drip on anything it didn't for some reason it didn't like condensate that much it worked really effectively as like a little cooling pad for tech uh no no one do this or it might leak on your tech or something like this i did this because like i i knew i didn't know what i was doing i was just desperate right people the visions of

40:02Mark Fischbach:mark's server room and his bathroom with like capri sun cooling

40:09Mark Fischbach:i'm telling you it worked man it's just a thermal heat sink at the end of the day gopro listen i've got ideas for the future would you like a wild cherry look liquid has a really high whatever the scientific term for heat capacity is you know it has a high that so isn't

40:26Ethan Nestor:that a specific temperature where how much energy it takes to change its temperature by a degree or whatever or something like that yeah and because it's flexible and also has an aluminum pouch plastic's not very thermally conductive but the capri sun pouches at least if they still make them with aluminum which i probably chained out that they are very conductive not as conductive of some metals but aluminum still conducts heat i want capri sun so bad right now that's so fucking funny though oh my god that's such a good idea yeah see so soft all the way no that's so you pull up at mark's house and there's a fucking huge pallet of glauber salts in the trash and then there's a capri sun cooler parked next to his server farm the fucking silver surfer from the capri sun commercials it's just like whoosh whoosh gotta render these physics sims whoosh i mean i'm telling you it worked it worked i can't believe you never told that story i know you are in the absolute depths of suffering of making this movie that consumed you for years but that's so fucking funny can i give another little hack that i did for my render farm real quick but as an aside so the the max a lot of people know i had max studios in my render farm and people were like that's crazy it's like but it makes sense because power efficiency and and and there i'm going to the the apple event the worldwide developer conference i'm gonna tell them that i did this and also i'm gonna tell my hack to stack them in a way that made them thermally balanced is because it's a big flat block of aluminum right so what i did is i put one like this and then one upside down like that with a thermal pad in between to like exchange heat between the two surfaces and overall the temperature lowered between both of them because as one worked versus the other because you had a bigger heat dissipation yeah it because i had a thermal pad in between it was able to like exchange heat between the surfaces because It's just a big brick of aluminum.

42:21And so I did, bah, bah, bah, stacked them up like that. Like I did, you know, the coffee creamers in like the restaurant. When you go in there and you stack one with a little triangle shape and go one to the other, like to the other, to the other. And I did that and it worked. And because it left a larger gap where the fans were, so it was able to suck in more air. It worked.

42:40Ethan Nestor:Anyway. If you could find a way to get cheap, big heat sink fins and then use the fins as spacers. and so you'd have like air oh my whoa fuck it you don't need the fins then you just need like copper plates right that's what i had i had a thermally conductive gel pad in between them so i'm just thinking like if you had pipes if you had heat exchange pipes through them or fins right because then you could extract more out you could lower the overall temperature even more you could build like a rack setup where it's like you can put eight mac studios in this and it's all head-to-head heat synced with copper or whatever or like man, so you gotta tell these stories, Mark.

43:21Ethan Nestor:That's funny shit. I try! I try! No one likes them. You're always like, oh, lenses. Oh, I need a GoPro. You gotta tell me how you manage heat in your electronic devices, Mark. This is the shit that I'm here for. That's the one niche. This is how you score points with me, man.

43:38Mark Fischbach:And it's a story for everyone. Dumb caveman Wade, like Capri son bob get technology good out of it all right okay it works for everybody that's so good i like that yeah true story everybody about the caprice son very true i bet you're gonna say that to them

43:55Ethan Nestor:and they're gonna be like oh cool and then go back to telling about how apple intelligence is the next great feature in computing and whatever yeah probably probably wait good luck look i think

44:08Mark Fischbach:soft is so much fun i love the portability usability i am a soft guy but even that being said listen boobs the best evolutionary trait ever like am i right we used to have hard boobs back in my day soft boobs god damn changing the world but part of me always feels bad with all of the soft that i use because like it does make a lot of waste and even with recycling there's still a lot of waste and byproduct whereas just a nice hard glass you know you can clean it out and reuse it you can dishwash like it's just it's always there and it doesn't produce that amount of waste so as much as i do enjoy the soft love the soft i'm a soft guy i feel like hard is probably the better answer for the sheer fact that like i think of how many water bottles and cans and stuff i go through how many like awful styrofoam cups and stuff i go through that would be counted as soft like a lot of waste and it's probably really really bad for pretty much everything that is true

45:11Ethan Nestor:generally that's just true that's just true fact yeah but marks was so much more fun good job mark i agree fun fun is fun it's so fun thank you thank you the capri sun cycling them through the freezer though that's so fucking funny because i've had things i've had laptops and things where like it just runs hot and you're like yeah i just need like a fucking something to get the heat out of this that's not gonna like drip all over it or some stupid it's such a good so it's such an elegant solution plus they sell capri suns everywhere at least in america it's true buy them at every grocery store that exists not like lauber salts hard to come by all right deeper hard or soft dentist this one is more i like my dentist direct listen this is more of uh it's i don't know it's a theoretical hard or soft but but i don't like the dentist right but my philosophy is i want a dentist who's going to strap me to the chair like i'm a like i'm against my will and it's gonna get in there and it's gonna fucking and do whatever they need to do not to fuck up my teeth but to fix my teeth right i have had some teeth problems i would rather even though i hate it it makes me cringe just thinking i would rather have a dentist who's like i'm gonna get the fuck in there i'm gonna clean every little speck up because if you have a soft dentist then you're like maybe it's really pleasant maybe they play you some enya maybe it's really But then are they really cleaning your teeth enough?

46:48Ethan Nestor:Is that enough? You tell me. Hard or soft dentist. Go.

46:52Mark Fischbach:Okay, Bob, for the point, I agree with you 100%.

46:55Ethan Nestor:No, I don't have stake in this. You get points for making good arguments. I'm pretty sure you did. No, no, that's not how this works. I'm completely unbiased. Go. I love my dentist in my mouth. Who can I say? You need to floss more. But you get what I'm saying, right?

47:13Mark Fischbach:You get what I'm coming from, right? Am I crazy here? Yes. I think a good dentist doesn't feel like they've strapped you down under torturing you, but do a thorough job. You could have a bad dentist that straps you down and a bad dentist that's just like, You're clean. Time to go. Like. What the fuck? I definitely want one that does their job. So I guess if that's hard. What did they just throw in my mouth? Wait, what was that? Magical cleaning dust. They throw the clean grenade into my mouth. Just a nice flavor. What flavor would you like? You're clean. No, give me the hard one, I guess, because I want them to do their job.

47:47Mark Fischbach:But like my dentist is both. Like I get some nice music in the background. I feel both. I've always liked the dentist. I'm weird. I prefer the dentist to the doctor. I do not mind having my teeth scrape.

48:00Ethan Nestor:How many points am I allowed to take away for one thing you said? Apparently a lot. I've always liked the dentist. Compared to the doctor. Yes.

48:08Mark Fischbach:Like no one likes going to either. But like compared to the doctor. I will go to the dentist over the doctor any day. Yeah. The doctor doesn't do anything to you 80 % of the time. I get so much more nervous at a doctor's office.

48:18Ethan Nestor:They touch you and they're like, oh yeah, it sounds like a heartbeat. And then you leave and then it's fine.

48:23Mark Fischbach:What does your doctor do? There's always shots and enemas and ball squeezes and stuff. Shit. What? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

48:32Ethan Nestor:You need to get one of those soft doctors. What the hell? The dentist just makes my teeth nice and sparkly. What the fuck? Mark, I have no stake in which answer here is correct, but save us, please. Look, I'm not 100 % on board with my dentist being in the tooth trenches and coming out of the tooth war and going into my mouth and having a tooth flashback. I don't know if I need that. They can talk to you gentle and scrape your teeth with a metal pick. I don't think that's too bad because I don't know. I just I don't need to be strapped into my chair. Well, they can be hard but nice. But like a good teacher, right?

49:16Ethan Nestor:Like they don't take any bullshit from your teeth. Right. You know what I mean. You know what I'm talking about. That's your dentist. Don't call them out by name, but like. They don't fuck around. That's who my dentist is. They're a good dentist. I don't need any bull. What did my teeth do to them? What kind of attitude was I giving them with my teeth? This teeth better not give me any lip. That doesn't even make sense. I'm gonna have these teeth expelled if they keep causing problem in your mouth

49:42Mark Fischbach:Those tongues get in the way of the cleaning amputate. We'll put it back later All right, I guess you know, I'm because it makes it sound like the soft dentist is not gonna do a good job And this is how I am with dentist is I made a dentist appointment to go cuz I was having some tooth pain All the sour candy I was like, I probably got a cavity and you know they said, oh, I don't think you don't have a cavity, but you know, we could, we could do something. Maybe like your gums are a little, like they might need something here. It's a little low on this one side. I'm like, that makes sense. That makes sense.

50:15All right, we'll get you next, next month. And they're like, all right, come back. I'm like, okay. And I missed the appointment. I never came back. I was so afraid that they'd be mad at me. I don't know why. Just like, oh man, they're going to be pissed. I show up again. They're like, oh, Mark, I was wondering when you'd show up and so i'd be like i don't know why i just haven't gone back that was three years ago

50:37Mark Fischbach:i was like that for a while all through college whenever i was no longer the younger my mom's health insurance i didn't have any health insurance in like college and stuff and i was like i can't afford a dentist so i didn't go to the dentist for like seven or eight years and the last three years i didn't go we're just like well i've not been in four years if i go now they're gonna be so mad at me for not going for the previous four yeah they're gonna be mad they're gonna be mad dope it's real that's i had that same feeling i was like i don't i don't want

51:01Ethan Nestor:go the fear is real this is a psa i guess for mark too but for everyone go to the dentist guys yeah go to the dentist oh god go to the dentist no matter how bad you think it's gonna be it's so much worse when you're going to the dentist because a tooth is falling out or you're like you're bleeding and you're like oh why is my mouth bleeding oh fuck it just go because like it's maybe you can't afford it like the realities of the world are what they are but if you can go to the dentist holy fuck go to the dentist because i am not i'm gonna have some oral procedures coming up and i'm not looking forward to it i wish my teeth weren't so fucked

51:44Mark Fischbach:i really do i can't say this for everyone my dentist office i think works with people really well too for affordability stuff i don't know that all of them are like that but like there our dentist office that understand and will work with you so and make sure you find a hard one

51:59Ethan Nestor:no stake in the answers here but hard was the correct answer point for wade objective point

52:05Mark Fischbach:for wade i lost an unknown amount of points for my answer but also i gained one even though mark i think said hard also so i i don't know if i gave an answer i was a real loosey-goosey which

52:15Ethan Nestor:i think you know speaks to my character i tried to make this list so that it would sort of descend into the madness. I feel like I feel like I'm not sure if any of these are going to get deeper, and I guess I'm curious now about that, but I wish that they were more unhinged. I have strong feelings about this one situationally. Curious what you guys think. Hard or soft bags. All in any bags. It's a hard bag. Like a hard suitcase. Oh, you know how they have like coolers where it's like a hard, you know, hard shell bag type of deal or like a like a sturdy purse is like a hard bag, like a nice thick leather purse, you know, hard bag or soft bag.

52:57This speaks to how much better hard bags are, because I can put it in a completely different category, because imagine like a purpose built system of bags with hard bags all the way around with like they cinch close, they lock tight and like it's like Pelican cases all the way down, you know, there's something about like a loosey goosey bag that just can flop around and spill all your contents. You put it in another bag and it's just going to flop everywhere. And it's going to be all noncommittal and whatnot. But it's like, if you have a hard bag, like what you're saying, it's purpose built for an express solution.

53:33And that's the solution I need. I don't need any wishy washiness with my bag. I need it for the intended purpose. It's laser cut to fit the things that I'm going to put in this thing. And it's going to be secure as hell. I'm all about this. That being said, I dump all my shit in my backpack and then go off to France.

53:54It's what I do. Look, both things can be true. Yeah. Yeah. But when I find the bag that's hard and purposely for the thing, I'm like, oh my God. And I buy them and I've got a stack of Pelicans, you know, just sitting there empty.

54:07Ethan Nestor:But they're there. They're there for me. They're way better. Yeah. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

54:12Mark Fischbach:In theory, hard bag. In practice, soft bag. Same thing. What do I transport? I don't transport all my, like, equipment and stuff. I transport clothes and, like, some toiletries. And you know what I need? Something that's light whenever you're running through the Chicago airport and have to get 13 miles in 10 seconds. And I need something I'm not going to hit my foot on and break my toe like a hard bag. And space. My God, is space hard to come by? And you can't squish down hard bag. You can squish down soft bag you fit so many soft bag and whenever those bags are empty. They Maybe not suitcases, but your backpack Perfectly flat other bag perfectly flat those bags They only let you have in California at the grocery store anymore.

54:55Mark Fischbach:You could stuff 500 of those things in one other bag And then you have infinite bags I could never run out of bags from going to the grocery store three times because there's so many bags. I love wits California stand-up routine. Whereas hard bag, like, what am I gonna do? Go to the grocery store with my pelican? Like, I need eggs and two liters. Here's hard bag. Soft is so much more useful. Hard? Protect your electronics and grandma or whatever else you're carrying around. Sure, I get it. Soft? Oh, the portability, the lightness, the aerodynamics! I will say about the California thing, they undid the thing with the plastic because it was like they made just the plastic bags thicker.

55:37And so they went back to like, yeah, plastic, paper, whatever. And so now paper bags are a thing. And the unfortunate thing is, because paper bags used to be at grocery stores and they were free with, you know, you check out and they're there. Now it's the same paper bags that were there before, but they still charge 15 cents for them. And I have to go to the grocery store. I'm like, hey, wait a minute. Hey, you moved the goalpost. Hey, wait a minute. Hold on a second. No, they were always like this. No, I don't think so, sir, Mr. Grocery.

56:08Ethan Nestor:This is hardly a bad conversation at all, but can I just say, you know those collapsible boxes where it's like a little crate and it folds flat kind of deal? Those are what you want for the grocery store. Holy shit. You get one or two of those and you put them in the bottom of your cart and then you just... And then when you go to your car, you fucking take one or two boxes out of the cart into your car. There's no like how many bags can I hold 19 bags on one arm and still open the door to the No, you one good box, but that's not a bag. That's I would not say that that's like a hard bag That's a that's a box.

56:46Ethan Nestor:So doesn't really count. I just I really like that I discovered that at some point and was like god. I love a box. I love a grocery box, you know Anyway, I decide who's right. I understand it's difficult, but it's me. Well, I understand that that might complicate things But it's me. All right. No points for that last one. Okay. That's a lie. I gave points for that. I was just okay I said we would circle back to this so I basically have to or else I'm pretty sure I'm fired hard or soft boat and think about it before you left Right now when you buy more carpet at the Home Depot you save more during our buy more save more event going on now upgrade your carpeting with the top brands and save up to 15 % off installed carpet projects Installation starting at just 49 cents per square foot Select from a wide assortment of carpet to fit your room, lifestyle, and budget During the Buy More, Save More event at the Home Depot Offer valid August 27th through September 13th, 2026 Base price for standard installations only Excludes Traffic Master and Stock Carpet For licenses, see homedepot.com slash license numbers

57:48Mark Fischbach:Oh, sorry, damn it

57:49Ethan Nestor:Now I knew you'd do that Hard or soft? Is a soft boat like a raft? Like a dinghy Like those inflatable dinghies where they get rigid when you inflate them kind of deal like a pontoon kind of thing it depends how you feel about it i gotta go even

58:04Mark Fischbach:even love i love a pontoon i consider a pontoon a hard boat because you don't want to get hit with a pontoon whereas i don't know if a dinghy will do much maybe it will with high enough speed but like traversing lake cumberland growing up beautiful lake the waves and everything but there's trees and plants and rocks and things and the water level changes and storms happen and sometimes there's just fucking logs and trees you can't even see they're floating and stuck just below the surface. And if you hit one of those things with like, I don't know if you count like a fiberglass as hard, but like some of the speed boats, those things touch one of those trees, they're fucked.

58:37Mark Fischbach:A dinghy touches one of those trees, you are fucked. But if you have a nice solid boat, you might still be fucked, but maybe less likely to be so. So give me heart. Give me diamond crystal boat that's gonna cut that fucking tree in half. Fuck those underwater trees and their murderous tendencies on the lake. I just wanna be on my tube. But you know what tubes are? Soft. And if you hit a tree on a tube, you die in the sky. Explode. Damn. Yeah, that's what happens. I tube wrong. That's how Cousin Larry went. Jesus. Hard boat and soft, hard boat, soft tube. Kind of seemed like you were making the case for hard boat, hard tube, if I'm honest.

59:18Mark Fischbach:Probably need to, but like a hard tube sounds really painful to bounce on and land on. Maybe it's hard bottom, soft top? Look. Okay. All right. Let me clean up his meandering lost answer here with a quote from IB Sailing, who, as you know, was on the Titanic, one of the hardest boats around. And he still, his quote goes, because they died right from their hard boat getting bedoinked by an iceberg and it just split in half, much like a taco. This is a soft situation. When I when we crash in our hard hard plane into the water Do I want to be in the hard hard plane or do I want to be in the soft soft slide?

1:00:00I want to be in the soft slide which doubles as a boat all of their flotation devices soft when you absolutely need to float you go soft

1:00:08Mark Fischbach:Counterpoint what do you think's a harder water or ice which one floats? That's right hard Yeah, which one's deadly ice the iceberg from IB sailing who was famously on the Titanic? once again said, Oh, look out, hard water! You know what else is deadly? Hard oxygen, probably. I won't deny that. I will concede that.

1:00:30Ethan Nestor:So what's your point? Hard is bad? Yeah, hard bad. No, hard good. No, but you said hard oxygen is dangerous, so hard oxygen is also bad, so hard is bad. Well, hard hydrogen's probably... Soft hydrogen? What's the one to breathe in? I think he's on my side here, I think. Hydrogen monoxide? Sounds bad. Well, I'm not a chemist, so I don't know about these things. I'm not a crook. I'm Richard Nixon. I was going to make the point, and Mark brought it up. You would think hard boat Titanic sunk by ice dangerous. One boat in 130 years. So soft is the answer. Titanic is actually a soft boat. That's my conclusion here.

1:01:12Ethan Nestor:titanic needed to be harder in order to destroy the ice instead of being destroyed by i because i can crush ice with my teeth ice is not that hard okay i'm sure all ice is exactly the same and it works the same way and when i have a drink and i crunch up ice there's no way that a boat should be less hard than my shitty teeth that i go to my hard dentist to maintain So really Titanic soft boat Titanic 2 needs to be hard boat in the era We were only able to get so hard in the time But I gotta say of that time was the Titanic not the hardest boat they made as Cal Hockley said it is unsinkable even God himself could not sink this ship So that's pretty hard.

1:02:05Ethan Nestor:Well, so Cal is saying that God loses to ice to God dang

1:02:09Mark Fischbach:Francis Stokes said the sea finds out everything you did wrong hard or soft remember the alternate ending to Titanic where Jack and Rose instead of having sex were tuck taped to the side of Titanic and just bit their way through the iceberg and saved the boat yes hard teeth better than ice like you were saying Bob you are so smart and right hard teeth therefore hard boat I have other quotes that make no sense I could read I think that's enough quotes I think I've heard enough The Bible says...

1:02:40Ethan Nestor:Go on. Let's go ahead and call it there. I think we really got to the bottom of hard or soft. I think everybody who was watching and listening knows which one they would want. So let's just tally up some points and get out of here. Mark, you earned points for... You died. Taxi Moto. When you realized it was a motorcycle. Yeah, Bice. about beard lice for Wade. Imagine having a GoPro. You were correct about tacos. You had I.B. Salen, who came back a lot. In fact, I actually think I owe you an I.B. Salen point. You were robbed? Oh, yes. Yeah, definitely. Okay. Capri Sun heat sinks. That was genius.

1:03:29Ethan Nestor:That might be the smartest thing I've ever heard. The perfect bag you'd never use. I own some of those. They're the best. And Wade, Wade, you earned points for realizing that you are Wade. You were an assassin. Blah, blah, something Diablo. Greater than or equal to eight years of dating. The ego is down. That was a good one. You were correct about ice cream. You hit me with a classic, back in my day. You're a soft guy, self-proclaimed. You're correct about the dentist being hard. And you got ass kissing points. Yes. that leaves once I add Mark's extra Ivy Salem point because Ivy Salem came around a lot and you have to respect it Mark with 11 points and Wade with 11 points oh oh Wade was actually up by two but then I realized that I didn't count one of the points that I wrote down and then Mark earned the extra Ivy Salem point Mark's just out here doing a good job thank you man thank you and And so is Wade, to a lesser extent.

1:04:32Ethan Nestor:We're tied. Ah, but that doesn't mean you're doing an equally good job. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:04:38Mark Fischbach:Come on. That must be the neighborhood baseball, because everyone's taking a swing.

1:04:42Ethan Nestor:How many wheel spins will we have? It's one. Oh my god. One spin to rule them all. Wow, two ones in a row? We never get ones. We're getting ones today. I'm gonna say whoever was the softest boy this episode gets a point We will definitely not know what that means when it comes up God, this clear all button just existing right here

1:05:09Mark Fischbach:Makes me nervous seeing you hover over it

1:05:11Ethan Nestor:Like, what if I just put it there? And then I just pick up the mouse And I'm just like There must be a confirmation There would have to be, right? Oh, maybe I should click it and find out Yeah, one way to find out. I mean, you've got a backup of this, right?

1:05:31Ethan Nestor:That's my confidence, Squeak. 109 options on this wheel. I'm sure this one spin will result in not me spitting for a one-man show. Huh? Fate? Can we not? Wait. We're all here. We're all here. We're all at home. Yeah, everyone's home. Okay, we remember what that means. It was witness protection everyone at home listening. Oh, yeah, it said witness protection. Sorry. Sorry listeners. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Come on Got the flattest you know what I mean No, it's too late man. It's too late. It's too late. What's it's weird too late got past tense

1:06:16Mark Fischbach:This is best Scottish best best get a shit

1:06:19Ethan Nestor:When did we do this spot? No one got flat. Mark's correct. Yeah, I don't think we got flat. That one's ever going to work, though. No one's ever going to get flat for no reason. Worst guesser? Who the fuck? Did anyone guess anything in this episode? We've never spun any of these ever. But I do, I guess we do know what that would be. But yeah, it wasn't really a guessing game. Yeah, I guess. You guess. Yeah, it's funny.

1:06:46Mark Fischbach:You both guessed. I guess you did at least I'm watching it too I can earn points that way

1:06:54Ethan Nestor:Most interruptions of the other guy Wow, these are crazy different men

1:07:00Mark Fischbach:We've never spun any of these I usually interrupt the most It was probably me I bet it was me Not to interrupt my opponent, but I think it was me Damn it, you did interrupt me to tell me it was you I had a couple I had a couple different, you know I went on a tangent or two I went on a cosine or a sine

1:07:17Ethan Nestor:I feel that but I also just feel like it's fine. I just don't know if there were interruptions, you know Whoever puts these on this wheel just has some terrible ideas

1:07:38Holy shit that one too. That's such a different I forgot about though. I've got such bad reception right now. It's unfair I used to like try to read the answers before it came up so I would know if this one was coming up. I forgot about that.

1:07:51Ethan Nestor:It says last to touch nose loses a point and Mark and I both frantically touched our noses and Wade didn't even react. I was kind of debated because it could be one where it's like first to touch nose loses a point or something like that, which should be added. Yeah.

1:08:11Mark Fischbach:It's the latency, latency. It was latency. I'm on the other side of the country. You can't even use that excuse. Yeah, but you and Bob are so in sync.

1:08:20Ethan Nestor:We are. It's true. I'm very biased towards Mark. It's just generally a true statement. I'm more Backstreet Boys. But anyway, Mark wins with a score of 11 to 10 because Wade lost a point for being the slowest to touch his nose. Shit ass fuck. Classic distractible goof, everybody. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Congratulations, Mark. Uh, wait, loser speech?

1:08:46Mark Fischbach:It was a well-fought fight. Finicky. Fraught. Filling.

1:08:53Ethan Nestor:Forlorn. Farewell. Mark, you can do a normal winner speech if you want, or you can pick alliteration, whichever one you choose. Firmly fun feelings filling friends fine fanciful feasts for fucking fools. fancily fairly financially

1:09:23Mark Fischbach:flop flop flip-flop floors

1:09:32Ethan Nestor:flambé nice french cans that's true if anybody hears french it's mark freedom a classic mark winner's speech. Congratulations, Mark. Thank you. Watchers slash listeners, make sure you're following the podcast because Mark will be hosting the next one, which is always good. Way better than when Wade hosts the next one. Sorry, Wade. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I said that. Make sure you check out the merch store, distractible.shop. The special five-year merch is maybe sold out, but maybe there's other stuff. You have to look. You gotta stay on top of that. Follow Mark at Markiplier, Wade at LordMinion777, or Minion777.

1:10:12Ethan Nestor:I am IceKerm. That is the end of this episode. We'll see you with another one next Monday hosted by Mark. And until then, podcast out.

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