I Miss The Old Distractible

20:25Mark Fischbach:earliest people saying the dangers so you could have stopped it and you didn't mark did nothing i i was one of the first and you two were like oh yeah sure it'll be able to record a podcast episode and then google video comes out it's like you can get bigfoot vlogs it's so much more than we thought it would be. And just because I'm saying like, yeah, you know, that's kind of funny. Everyone's like, it is funny. That's the problem. That's the captivating issue of it is the content is funny sometimes. And that's where the line gets bad because you're, you're starting to look at it and be like, oh shit, I enjoy this, but you can enjoy things that may not be good for you.

21:01That's called addictions. I'm not saying I'm a dick today. I, ah, I'm going to be so taken out of context.

21:07Mark Fischbach:I was going to do a whole podcast episode on Allen Iverson. And I was like, well, if we shorten his name at all we're definitely screwed a i my favorite movie from uh 2000

21:17Ethan Nestor:whatever a i yeah with all what's his name from the being in the sixth sense what's that kid's name i actually really liked that movie uh bruce uh illis no it will never mind my fucked it bruce illis yep that's it thinking about refreshing the carpet in your home now's the time to do it For a limited time at the Home Depot, get 10 % off installed carpet projects on trusted brands like LifeProof, LifeProof with PetProof Technology, Home Decorators Collection, and Traffic Master. Plus, with installation starting at just 49 cents per square foot, upgrading your space is more affordable than ever at the Home Depot.

21:56Offer valid September 24th, 2026 through October 4th, 2026. Exclusions apply. For licenses, see homedepot.com slash license numbers. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping Lemon on top. and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up, flip the sip. obviously people have had complaints about that people may not have liked the last episode whatever i think it's time to go back to our roots i think it's time for us to get in touch with who we really were look at this a thermometer where do you shove this in there's a lot of places i'd be willing to try all right listeners uh this is not a huge timer but it is a baseball sized in my hand timer that Wade is okay shoving inside of him in a few places.

23:12Mark Fischbach:There's at least three spots. Name three. Butthole, armpit, mouth. All right, that's fair enough. You couldn't get this in your mouth. Try it. Editors, put this in his mouth. There it is. All right, okay. I am going to go back in time to our roots and we are going to do a super cut of all of our best earliest episodes we're gonna dig deep down into our past come up with new stories that we definitely have been holding back on for those episodes and we're i'm gonna i'm gonna give you guys two minutes total not two minutes each two minutes we got a lot to cover so we gotta keep it to two minutes uh it's gonna go round robin you can't talk over each other but it's gotta be a boom boom it's as fast as you can go it's gonna be a point bonanza unless of course you take a minute and then it won't be a point bonanza i have a feeling it won't be a point bonanza but considering i don't even remember what two episodes ago was man i'm in trouble he's gonna set us up and we're gonna hit it out of the park all right i got my wiffle ball bat all right i'm gonna set it up and if you guys need just like a spelling bee you can ask for the country of origin and i'll read the description and that's the country of origin but i'm gonna give you the title whoever goes first is gonna start with that and then that's all you get i guess you can ask for more but that's taking a precious time you only got two minutes so you gotta you gotta work work it through doesn't this alarm though bring some memories

24:38Ethan Nestor:yeah it's a it's a particular thing that i definitely is like tickling my memories of stuff i don't know what though it's not like a phone there's something this is the exact noise i woke up to as a kid because it sounded exactly like this old alarm clocks yeah i had the old i had the old alarm clock that did the the like buzzy one my alarm would turn on the

25:05Mark Fischbach:radio so it would just be like and that's all we got today this morning it's like i hate that so much that's awful what are your wake up ringtones this is completely off topic but i'm so curious

25:16Ethan Nestor:right now nothing vibrate silence i wear i wear my not wearing it now but you could see i wear my apple watch almost all the time i sleep with my watch on my watch wakes me up vibrating so that i don't wake up mandy or the baby all of my alarms are dead silent i don't have any set so it's either my watch or my phone buzzing because if it's like an can you turn okay this

25:39Mark Fischbach:is a dumb technology question can you turn an alarm noise on while having every other sound

25:45Ethan Nestor:on your phone off yes by default that's what happens if you turn all your sound off your alarm will still break through that and you can you can unfortunately turn off the sound in your alarm and all the sound on everything else even if your phone's not on silent yes i've done that before and slept through some important do you remember in college mark you had an i-home alarm clock where you could put your ipod upon it and you went online and you were like i found this noise it's like a noise from a wow uh it was from like a wow overlay or something where it was like when you when something happened it was an alarm that triggered you're like this is the most annoying noise i know of and that was the alarm clock sound on your ipod on our in our dorm room yeah it didn't go off all the time because i don't think that i don't think you would have put up with it for very long if it did but i do i mean i honestly i didn't mind it i thought it was funny I just remember that very particularly because it's like a klaxon alarm sound, wasn't it?

26:47Ethan Nestor:Like, wah, wah. It was when I experimented with botting in World of Warcraft. This is in college, and I wasn't playing seriously at this point. I was like, I'll just play, see if I can get it. I download this program. I can play for it. And it gives an alarm when something happens, like your character gets stuck. Game master is looking at you. And that's what happened. It went off in the middle of the night. And I remember almost falling out of bed being like,

27:14My character was stuck on a rock. That's what it was. And then I never bought it again after that. So cheating's for losers. Oh, ringtone. Yeah, this is mine right now.

27:26Ethan Nestor:I would never wake me up. I would just sleep.

27:28Mark Fischbach:I would put me more to sleep. It's so nice.

27:36Amy fucking hates this because I hit the snooze so much.

27:41Mark Fischbach:I just knew so much. Well, yeah, that's not an alarming wake up. Like I need something that's like, like I need shit like that to get me out of bed. Not. Yeah, it's, uh, it's, this was what it used to be. And I know this is going to just kind of trip a lot of people up, but it, you know, it used to be this every day. Sure, sure, sure.

28:03Ethan Nestor:That would get me out. I would probably still sleep through that. I'm a heavy sleeper. I don't know why it's pleasant kind of, but really not pleasant. So it's because it comes on so much. Anyway, not the point. Not where we're here for. No one got a point for that. Good episode. Good episode. We're done. See ya, guys. See ya, guys. See ya, guys. See ya. Everyone do their best Wade impression of their outro. Now, go.

28:28Mark Fischbach:Oh, I thought it was the viewers and listeners. You mean not? Ah, shit, man. I was like, yeah, do it. Got them. Point to the viewers or listeners. if you post on the subreddit your impression of wade's outro go best one gets a point the mods are gonna love that yeah let's do that lots of lots of posts people act like the subreddit is some sacred thing that you can't flood with random nonsense as if it has to be clean and orderly at

28:56Ethan Nestor:all times the mod the mods are like barely clinging on to sanity i don't i don't go around enough but every time i dip in there there's a new post from the mods that are that's just like all right no more of this no more stop and i'm like i must have missed something see my policy is you just ban because people can make a new account and that's that's what i always did that's what it is yeah so like in like stream chat or whatever like that that's the commonly understood thing like i ban i ban with reckless abandon i ban at the slightest provocation i think people are way too lenient on the bans if you didn't want to find out you should never have fucked around it's an easy solution there's rules for a reason if you didn't want to lose that account's access oh you get banned if you piss me off more i'll find a way to ip ban you but i can't do that yet youtube and special feature all right all right let's get into the actual content all right uh who's gonna go first i'll use my special thing that definitely works really well and fair uh evens goes bob while that's spinning mark i think i found the book you're supposed to be reading it's a book called tusk love came out on july 1st no i'm not joking it came out on july 1st it's currently trending all over the internet it's based on a fictional half-orc romance novel from critical role it was a thing they threw out as a joke on critical role and then someone made it into an actual novel about the thing that it was a joke that's like 50 shades of gray how that was originally twilight and became its own thing yeah so tusk love tusk love man this thing goes yeah that really needs a break or something i it's the opposite of lube i think i'm claiming a future episode idea uh i just thought of it is uh you guys are going and this is the timer and whatever it lands on and the last person that talks when it lands gets that many points I'm claiming that as a future thing Well we can't use that device So that seems fair You think if it's spinning and I'm in my chair That spins, if I turn it like that demonstration Will it spin me?

31:11Wow I'm moving Look guys, I'm moving

31:14Ethan Nestor:I was really hoping you were just going to be like

31:20Ethan Nestor:It's still going You could just stop it I don't believe that you could choose which number You stop it on anyway if you just go So, yeah. Woo! Nine! That's not me. Yep. All right, Wade, you're going first, so that means you get the advantage, I think. I don't know. I'll give you a go first point. You know, that was a long spin. That was a tense one. All right, so first. All right, so we're going back to the OG, maybe our greatest episode ever. Coming up with new things for this in the same way that we were scoring before we had rules. This is the wild west of scoring back here

31:59Mark Fischbach:Hair Hair I don't think one thing we talked about the original hair Was where we grew hair in all the Opposite places of where we actually do Imagine like hair inside Your mouth on your eyeballs I think that's exactly where hair Should have gone we should have had a hair part Two that was all about the opposite Of hair or removing hair Creative ways to remove hair One idea at a time the genius is flowing

32:24Ethan Nestor:give bob a chance i have a message to all uh young men especially that hair that magically cruise on the floor of the bathroom is not normal it's you you're gross i for my whole beginning of my life i was like man bathrooms are so dirty just a little hair everywhere and stuff man that's no i'm just not good at cleaning clean clean it clean better fourth of hair lie yeah we could

32:47Mark Fischbach:have had that episode where the hairs in the bathroom my next fourth of july episode you got it everyone he's just going down the rabbit hole of most disgusting episodes possible i love it uh cooking episode where an ingredient has to be hair when you get hair in your food at a restaurant do you eat it i say yes i don't eat the hair i eat the rest of the food though would various articles of clothing be itchier or more comfortable if made of human hair always itchier all right i don't know who to give the point to that i was right so probably me you guys don't fight for it Nope, too late. Did I win?

33:23Did he win? I was writing out points the whole time. Whatever called out to me is worth points. Great episode. I loved hair. No, no, no, no. We got more. We're doing a speed round. Alright, I'm not gonna do everyone from old, but that was great. Riveting. From our classic best episode that I hate is the first one. Because I want people's introduction to be something else. Dear God, I want it to be something else. Real quick, I decided about it.

33:45Mark Fischbach:Whenever hair became the first episode, we didn't know it was going to be the first episode because we were still toying around with things that just happened to be the format we liked at

33:52Ethan Nestor:the time so we're like oh this will work that's true we had episodes before that that we were

33:56Mark Fischbach:like nah i scrapped that there were like five or ten that never saw light a day yeah that's true i forgot about that yeah hair was just one of many experimental things and actually one of the big reasons that we came up with this one is we mentioned this a lot is like we said we would eventually run out of stories if it's just a story podcast that was one of the main reasons we did this format that we are doing because uh but i'm gonna prove your guys are gonna prove them wrong hey dig into your camping history we're gonna tell those camping stories that you didn't tell

34:25Ethan Nestor:last time don't tell the same ones go bob go i'm sure this is new when i was in college my music fraternity went on a camping trip but we didn't check the weather and it rained all night and i slept in six inches of water on the ground i'm surprised that i didn't have any serious illnesses or how did you not tell that story before i don't i don't know maybe i did i don't recall telling it that's not the one i told in the camping episode previously but it was awful and made me hate camping for the rest of my life but like i kind of want to go camping so

34:55Mark Fischbach:i'm kind of into it but there's one where my ex and i went out we were having like a romantic camp out down in like some killy cliffy spot in like kentucky or something it's like a really famous camping spot i figured it was called and we thought it was gonna be a nice romantic evening but it was just so humid and muggy and awful that it turned into like yeah i don't even want to like hug you you lay over there i'll lay over here and we'll just exist till we can have air conditioning again you you went out with your ex but while we were together that's a weird choice oh okay she wasn't my ex when we went camp that's what i was wondering like is this a recent thing or this was like two weeks ago i called my ex i was like hey you want to have a romantic weekend out

35:33Ethan Nestor:like old times nanny and i got a tent for as a wedding gift and we were like all right let's do that and we went camping at a nice campground that we didn't realize was half a mile away from the shipping airport runway and planes came every 15 minutes for the entire night and we could not leave early enough we did not sleep at all and it was fucking miserable and we left at like 6 in the morning because holy shit when I was touring

35:58Mark Fischbach:colleges we stopped one night I don't know if I told this story or not but there were people walking around this building in the middle of this campsite and they were dragging clothes around But like they were walking around and looking around suspiciously And we couldn't tell if they were stealing other people's clothes From like the little laundry area Or if they were bringing their own But either way they looked suspicious as fuck while they were doing it So we were afraid of doing our laundry Because we thought if we left it for a minute The clothes thieves would strike What did they look like that made them suspicious?

36:25Mark Fischbach:Describe these people You know how people like walk around like trying to hide their faces But also they have the shifty Yeah Like that Scooby-Doo They have a fucking Scooby-Doo walk They had this weird music As they were walking by Really suspicious They're like hoods up But you could tell They were like watching Make sure they weren't Being watched or followed When they walked around They just looked shifty And suspicious

36:47Ethan Nestor:Camping YouTube update Camping with Steve Great YouTuber Does stealth camping Camps in the middle Of roundabouts And in trailers That he builds And in funny places Camping with Steve Oh Didn't get it out That was it That was the last line Is camping with Steve That was like the tag Oh, that's true. We did talk about Camping with Steve before, but that was a different episode. Alright I think it counts Technically, this would be before the episode where I talked about Camping with Steve. So if time is non-linear, this comes first Wade, what do you feel about that?

37:23Mark Fischbach:I wasn't listening, so yeah, sounds good. Alright I guess it's legit. We're leaving it up there Okay, great. Now all camping stories have been expunged We have no more. It's gone. Alright But you know what's up next The greatest episode in his recordable history Bob Fridge Tell me Bob's Fridge stories I was over at Bob's and we had a really delicious meal And I had to open his fridge to get like a drink out And the drink was nice and cold And I was like man what a nice working fridge

37:53Ethan Nestor:I think I told you guys this story But I don't know that I ever talked about it on the podcast Because I was trying not to give them attention But it's been long enough now Soon after the Fridge incident I got a call that was from the Lowe's store that I was attempting to buy the fridge from and that gave me so many fucking problems. And it was just a heavy breathing and silence. And then it was a voicemail. They called and I was like, I'll do that later. And I sent it and it said Lowe's, whatever, California. It went to voicemail and the voicemail was.

38:28Refrigerator.

38:29Ethan Nestor:Click. And that was it. And it was like a prank call, I guess. but like i don't fuck it like i don't lows is your refrigerator running to you i don't know but i that happened and at the time i was really i was like what the what the hell and i saw i didn't talk about it because i was obviously someone just looking for attention but they're

38:48Mark Fischbach:probably dead now so take that that was so long ago i guess it was uh we ship bob to antarctica and we make him really cold and the episode becomes bob's frigid All right that's a great idea We'll save that for another episode But this is for points It's stories in the episode So I can't qualify that one

39:09Ethan Nestor:Every time I'm in the grocery store and I walk down one of the Refrigerated aisles Every single one I open and I look In to see if there's any like water leaking Or catastrophes inside And if there's not I go Mine was funnier and I keep going

39:24Mark Fischbach:We turn the temperature of Bob's Freezer down so that Bob has two fridges so if one breaks he has a backup turn the temperature down wouldn't it just be more of a freezer you mean up did you actually turn the temperature down you can lie yes you didn't get it in god i even let you lie i even said you could lie i couldn't remember i still did it wrong i was like i need to shake my head and say yes and i still nodded i was like don't fuck this up yeah i don't know if you know this mark but i'm real sleep deprived i only got seven hours last night. Poor, poor. I'll give you a pity point for the oh man, pity point, no sleep.

40:02I only got six hours. Come on. I got three and a half. I got three after the first all-nighter. I took a sweet hour nap midday. Got two more hours after the second all-nighter. And then I went to bed this morning at 8. 18.

40:23Ethan Nestor:That was an hour, less than an hour before you were supposed to be with us recording this.

40:30Mark Fischbach:I got up and was like, oh, it's time to record podcasts. And Mark's like, oh, thank God, Ben. No, it was to the point where I was watching my mouse move on the computer and it was cutting a purple line as it moved. And I was just staring at it for like 15 minutes. And I'm like, I think if I stay awake any longer, I'm going to die. So I'm going to go lay down. So I laid down. And I slept a cool three something hours. Probably much caught up. Are you picking, like, these episodes? Are they the order they came out? Are you skipping over a bunch? Because there's no way that was the thing. That is definitely not the order those came out.

41:05But, man, we have had some bangers this past year. We've had some sinkers. It's okay. But as a podcast, I think we are fucking crushing it on the banger episode. We got some laughs.

41:14Ethan Nestor:I have to agree. I don't remember. Well, do you remember Hold My Beer? You better tell me some moments where you either held a beer or did that thing what qualifies as hold my beer moments. Uh-huh. Bob, go. So when I was building these cabinets the other day, remember how I said this countertop was really heavy? I picked it up upstairs in the garage and I was like, ah, my back. And for some reason, my response was, well, fucking hold my beer. And then I just carried it all the way in the house and downstairs by myself without asking for help or trying to do anything else. I did it. And nothing bad happened except for possibly my discs.

41:54Ethan Nestor:But I'll learn about that later when the doctor tells me. That's fair. That's fair.

41:59Mark Fischbach:Wait. I was holding the can and I was looking over and my dog Presley ran to a back fence. There was another dog there. They started barking at each other and then running along the fence kind of playing. But then more dogs from our yard came and joined in and were running and barking. It got really loud. So I had to hand my can over so I could run and stop him from barking. All right, Bob.

42:18Ethan Nestor:My son Bobby got a home from school and showed me that he got a D on his paper and I was like damn it Bobby And then I went out to the backyard with the fellers and stood in front of my fence and I held a beer and drank it while that song played You know

42:38Ethan Nestor:And it's like Mike Judge I'm the king of the hill and then I'm Hank Hill Is that true? I'm Hank Hill Alright I guess I'm letting lying happen Unless it's the truth

42:48Mark Fischbach:it's the true truth i'm writing it down i had a really nice watch that was uh stuck to like a piece of wood and i was trying to throw wood into like this wood chipper and the watch got caught went into the wood chipper so i went ah shit handed over the beer jumped in after it and got cut to fucking pieces and died but the beer ended up being all over me on the inside and i think it turned out pretty well that's a great why didn't you tell this story last time that's a great story that's very personal i didn't really i wasn't comfortable sharing it back then all right i've

43:17Ethan Nestor:told the story about the the night that james was born but i didn't tell the whole story i was standing there and the doctor finally pulled james out and he started crying and the doctor looked over at me and was like do you want to hold your son and i looked over at the nurse next to me and was like hold my beer so i can hold my son that's a beautiful moment i was in the same room and i

43:40Mark Fischbach:said hold my beer so i can hold his son i thought you were gonna say you were the one he handed the

43:45Ethan Nestor:beer too well either qualifies it all qualifies i i was also at wade's story about dying in the wood chipper then i was there i was holding his beer i was though i was the the one who held his

43:56Mark Fischbach:beer while he did that i was there a second time i was the beer and bob drank me he didn't just

44:04Ethan Nestor:hold me he took a sip later that day while i was mourning the loss of wade one and the loss of way to which whom i drankst i was standing in at the urinal and overcome with sadness and i was like i can't pee now so i held in my pee which was actually beer wade so i held my beer wade i think

44:21Mark Fischbach:when i originally told this story i said my watch got cut in the wood chipper and then whenever i jumped in the wood chipper it turned into beer and i was covered in beer in the wood chipper when it should have been a watch but my beer was there too being held by the woods maybe maybe i I think it didn't work. I don't know why. It's dead. Wait, it died. Freddie, wait, what's the fucking logic?

44:40Ethan Nestor:While Wade and I were telling our stories, Mark is sitting here playing with the stupid timer. It died.

44:47Mark Fischbach:We just kept getting more stupid while he was trying to fucking get his timer to work. These are fresh batteries. It died? What the hell? This thing's a piece of shit. Freedom died. It had like a five minute timer. It's pretty good for an alarm. What the fuck? It doesn't work anymore.

45:04Ethan Nestor:How many things do you need to time in your life, Mark? What's going on here? What's this episode called? Hold My Timer? I guess I got a phone. I'll do one more than that, I guess. Thinking about refreshing the carpet in your home? Now's the time to do it. For a limited time at the Home Depot, get 10 % off installed carpet projects on trusted brands like LifeProof, LifeProof with PetProof Technology, Home Decorators Collection, and Traffic Master. Plus, with installation starting at just 49 cents per square foot, upgrading your space is more affordable than ever at The Home Depot. Offer valid September 24th, 2026 through October 4th, 2026.

45:42Exclusions apply for licenses. See homedepot.com slash license numbers. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first seven up flip the sip okay that was great but you know what tops it oh wow perfect crime was way way early back it was the first one was a long time ago it's it's very different thing i believe wasn't that about wasn't that about robbing a bank or something and making friends at the same time that was no that was my scheme for how to

46:36Ethan Nestor:make make best friends ah because you you do you set up a heist and then there's a big car accident and you save their life and then that's when they become your best friend because you save their life but it's all an elaborate setup man it was a very different podcast we were young we didn't know what we were doing were we young i don't know uh but you know when we were young when kids were stupid uh tell me about stupid kids i remember when i was like six years old i decided the family

47:04Mark Fischbach:needed a new fridge so we went into this fridge store broke in and i opened up the door and there inside was a really cold beer and i was like oh i'm still under hey just probably take a sip of it so i opened it up and nothing but fucking hair was pouring out it was a whole gross goddamn disgusting mess and i decide i need to throw that fridge out and you know what i got busted doing trying to throw a nasty fridge covered in hair away damn that was stupid for that kid that you

47:27Ethan Nestor:were hair away sleep away i stayed at a sleepaway camp once and i thought it would be really fun to sneak out and just run in the same direction until i couldn't run no more and so that's what i did and i got lost and they never found me boy was that stupid why did you say hair away at the beginning because wait said hair away he did he said he was he got caught trying to throw a fridge that was covered in nasty hair away and hair away obviously triggered sleep away camp for me which

48:02Mark Fischbach:i was a stupid kid at i remember i wanted to play one of the counselors at camp crystal lakes i told my other friend to play jason vorhees and i handed him this big machete and was like now fucking stab me after i pretend to have sex but he was like like this and stabbed me too early and i

48:16Ethan Nestor:didn't get to do the sex part i remember i was in the first grade and my teacher locked eyes with me and was like bobby what's one plus one we've been working on this and i confidently looked at her and said seven fucking idiot dumb no math all right quick similar situation but i said isn't

48:38Mark Fischbach:it your job to make sure i know the answer because right now i fucking don't and then i got in trouble for it okay boy that was dumb all right fuck you teacher okay we're gonna call it there because uh This episode is, I forgot that it needs to be edited really quickly. Don't worry about everyone watching and listening. The editors have plenty of time for this episode. It's definitely not a last minute recording. It's basically live in 10 minutes. You guys squeezed so much content out of your lives and dripped it into the mouths of our listeners and viewers who are equal in our eyes. Listeners, Mark is emphasizing how much he loves you.

49:21I'm making obscene gestures

49:23Mark Fischbach:Really obscene

49:24Ethan Nestor:He just held up a sign that said I love the listeners way more than you stupid watchers Alright, so we're gonna count up the points My handwriting gets progressively more insane The deeper it goes Because I was frantically trying to keep up So good luck to me for reading this Let's start with Wade Kiefer Sutherland Designated Kiefer Sutherland Quentin Foot Butthole Armpit Mouth First? You got the first point What the fuck is Quentin foot? Eve ball hair? Eyeball hair No, no, no, Eve ball hair Ah, the original sin, Eve and her ball hair That was definitely one of the weirdest Bond women

50:06Mark Fischbach:You thought Pussy Galore was a weird one Eve ball hair Okay, we got cool hair as well X romantic Romantic evening with the X Camping suspicious people Open bob fridge Nice Noice Pity No sleep I pity you for no sleep Dog running with beer Cut to fucking pieces And died I'm writing down to the go I still can't count I love the way you pronounce numbers

50:41Ethan Nestor:Did you learn to count the same place James did? That's a count I lost count again Shut up How old are you? Uh, you got the also was their point for her. Wood chipper clone. 14. Kid fridge beer hair. Fucking stabbed me, which I wrote as a double point. Because that made me laugh really hard. Uh, fuck you, teacher. All right. So that's a total of 18 for you. Very, very good. Mark never gives that many points. I'm boned. Bob, you had massive cabinets. Uh, Brit knee. Uh, very funny. Uh, dungeon crawler, Carl. Uh, you... Nuss? You-ness? You-ness? You - you - YouTube! You - no. You - you - you - you - you - you - you - you - you - nos.

51:30You - you - nos? You - you - you - No. Uh. You - you - un. You - you get a point for that. Uh, showing hair dominance. Uh, musical frat rain six inches of music. Oh, yeah. Six inches of music. All right. You tented you camped at an airport camping with Steve calling after Fridge incident probably dead that person is a bonus point for that good funner Ton Ton what like I'm gonna be able to help

52:09Mark Fischbach:Come on focus focus damn it was this a makeup tutorial you wrote it. We I believe you today It's the point all right way I got a kind of one here Mm-hmm. Eight. Nine. Eleven? That's eleven. Okay. Uh, fuck backs, am I right? He is Hank. You are Hank. Hold my beer, son. Was also there in room. Hair away, running away forever. Oh, hair away the camp that confused me. Hair away. All right. No math. No math? And then you got a last minute point for the Bond villain, Eve Ballhair. That was very funny. So even though it looked like Wade was pulling ahead, that gives you 19. It's a one-point difference.

52:55So it all comes down as it always does to the wheel. And someone made a good point that they liked hearing the score before going into it, so they know what the stakes are for this. So you know the stakes. And I counted them 15 ,000 times. The stakes are rare. Please be not one. Please be one.

53:15Ethan Nestor:Give it to Wade. Odd numbers. yes okay three we love three three threes in a row and four threes out of the last five spins that seems normal what are you adding least amount of sleep do we have that since last uh i don't believe so all right least amount of sleep which i think i would win this if it came oh i don't know i think it's debatable i feel pretty sleepy you should feel sleepy i also could add one for things broken mid-episode. I hadn't used this before. That's really fucking funny. Five cycles. Well, if a cycle is a long period of time, that's impressive. Half point

53:57Mark Fischbach:for Wade. Oh man, there's not going to be a tie. Unless. Unless.

54:04Ethan Nestor:Spin number two. Half point for Wade. We're tied, baby. What the hell?

54:15Mark Fischbach:It's tied up. Viewers or listeners? Viewers or listeners? What the shit is happening? All right. Half point for Wade.

54:23Ethan Nestor:Half point for Wade. I don't even care. I just want it to happen again. Oh, it was close. Had the best time. Had the best time. Which one of you guys had the best time? Oh, it's definitely the viewers. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. One of you two had the best time. I mean, I feel like I had a very good time. I don't know. Wade, do you have any reason to believe you had a better time than me? I believe my time was equally as good as yours. What if we split the point and each take half? Oh, that's not how this works.

54:59Mark Fischbach:I agree, Bob. That sounds great. All right, we can re-spin. I'll take that. It's just a re-spin spot.

55:09Ethan Nestor:Oh, my God! Oh my god! Don't call it a comeback! It's a half point for Wade! Half point for Wade! What the fuck? I'm having a great time! This is fate making it so. Wade, you had the best time and you win 19 and a half points to 19. Congratulations! Thank you! Bob, is this where we do the handshake deal? Oh no, I fucking forgot about that. You're gonna undermine that amazing triple half point thing with whatever your stupid handshake was?

55:41Mark Fischbach:Well, I have to at least ask, you know, we had that whole topic.

55:44Ethan Nestor:You could bank it. You could bank it. Oh, we could bank that? Oh, yeah, let's bank it. Let's keep your idea and bank that for later. Perfect. Okay, good. That really worked out. Couldn't have worked out better, honestly. That's going to come back to bite me in the ass, probably, but... Wade, congratulations. You won. You're very handsome, very beautiful, and very winnerish, and you get to make today's winner's speech.

56:08Mark Fischbach:Thank you. Mark, what a great episode. I had a great time. Some of my sadness should have taken a point for having the best time. It was fun rehashing. I thought that got, we got more creative. We kind of amped up. We had a little warmup of like, okay, let's think of real stories. And then I think we were both like, fuck it. Just say things when you told us we could lie. And I enjoyed lying quite a bit. So thank you for letting me lie today. I very much enjoyed lying to you. Some of those were fake. I just meant to lie on the last one question. Back to you, buddy. Okay. All right. Well, congratulations, winner.

56:39your trophies in the mail that is definitely not a lie alright Bob you lost how you go now

56:50Ethan Nestor:Bob how did this happen today's loser speech is brought to you by vitamin water vitamin water is the ultimate lifestyle water for people who want fun and functionality packed with essential multivitamins and big flavors like the new elevate blue raspberry limeade or zero sugar rehydrate pineapple passion fruit who said your drinks can't be fun and functional grab a vitamin water today copyright 2025 glass o vitamin water is a registered trademark of class o mark i lost because i got half a point less than wade that's how i lost just to be clear

57:25Mark Fischbach:you lost because you waited the wheel somebody calculate the odds of that happening there are

57:32Ethan Nestor:44 things on the wheel and three out of those four spins landed on the same one thing. Is that 44 factorial? No, three. It'd be 44 times 44 times 44. We don't eliminate. A 1 in 85 ,184 chance. Anyway, it was the half point that really did me in, Mark, if I'm honest. If it was on the merits, I beat Wade fair and square, and then the wheel just ripped it away from me. It's like wheels and coins always do. I want to emphasize, that wasn't an editing trick. We didn't fake that in any way. That was legit. I mean, it was on screen. I'll share it again. And if you look at the history, this will match up with previous spins, and this is not edited.

58:20Ethan Nestor:I don't think you can delete individual entries in there. Yeah, so we've had some crazy luck in this podcast that just defies all odds. Like, Bob, 13 coin flips in a row not going your way. Oh, so cool. So cool. Love that part. So Wade has all the luck on this podcast, and that's why he won. Today's loser speech is brought to you by Vitamin Water. Born in NYC, built for people who work hard and play hard. Grab a Vitamin Water today. Copyright 2025, Glass-O. Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of Glass-O. I love a loser speech. You know, honestly, the loser speech is a point of honor. You're your honor.

59:00Thank you for listening and watching to refer to me as your honor.

59:03Ethan Nestor:Yes, I'll take that title. I accept. But next week, Wade, we will be Wade's monkeys and you will enjoy another beautiful episode of poop filled fun. Thank you. Be sure to follow the podcast so that you get notifications and make us feel very special and important in the eyes of our overlords. Merch is right around the corner. Merch is right behind you. Merch is standing right behind you. Don't turn around. Ah, my headphones. Well, I'm deaf now. Don't worry. Mark's gonna make sure he packs the merch with the scary tape.

59:40Mark Fischbach:We can't end until he says the famous two words, so we're here watching.

59:43Ethan Nestor:Yeah, we're just trapped in the abyss until Mark remembers how we end these things. Right, right, yes. We're done now. That's it! That's it! That just cuts right after that. Oh, yeah. Podcast out.

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