Legend of The Monkey's Paw

23:27Mark Fischbach:Yeah Usually there might be exceptions Okay alright okay And just in case there's anyone listening who doesn't know what monkey's paw is referring to But obviously I do But what is that? I thought you were going to explain it Monkey's paw I don't know if that story was actually called monkey's paw Is it called the monkey's paw? Yeah, I think it is literally the original story is about a monkey's paw. Long story short, there was a paw, and it had three fingers, I think, extended, and you could use the paw and make a wish. Every time you made a wish, one of the fingers would curl up to leave the two wishes you had left, one wish you had left, zero wishes you had left.

24:04Isn't it also in Phasmophobia? Like, they have that item or a game like that.

24:08Mark Fischbach:Yeah, they added something similar to that, yeah. But the thing about the wishes were, is there was always a catch. So, spoiler alert for anyone who wants to read the story, I'm pretty sure the way it starts off is this family finds the monkey's paw, they make a wish, and they're like, one of their first wishes was, oh, I sure hope we get enough money to pay this thing. And then somebody shows up at their house and is like, hey, here's this exact amount of money you need to pay your mortgage. Also, your son died in a horrible accident, and you got this money because it was the amount that we owe you in case he died at work.

24:34Mark Fischbach:So the monkey's paw, the catch was they got their money, but at the expense of their son's life. It was pretty severe. That doesn't seem worth it. Yeah, that seems not nice. That's what we're going to find out. How much do you guys want what the good is to see if it's worth getting the bad? Okay, do we are we accumulating this so that by the end of this we see who's more powerful and then we duel like You know two gods that we are but with all the drawbacks That's not in the plan But you two are welcome to try you know like the piss boy piss man and and the other one this man v shit man I don't think Please don't let this be the fourth of September.

25:08Mark Fischbach:Hold on. Let me check the calendar. When is the fourth of September? Ah, it's a Thursday this year. You're safe. Okay, we'll save the poop episode for then. Alright, I guess we'll see who goes first. Bob, I'm gonna let you call it. You want heads or tails to go first? Tails. Tails, Bob goes first. If it's heads, Mark goes first.

25:29Mark Fischbach:Yes. Bob goes first. That's fair. That was one of my better flips, I want to say. I'm not good at flipping a coin. That was one of my better flips. I didn't hear it, and I wasn't looking, honestly. I was didn't have didn't have the distinct pating that mark is capable of I heard it but my microphone didn't pick it up I did hear the good pating I'm watching a sneak peek and also I have a tab open with the subreddit where I'm Want reading people's opinions on it. You're going for that most distracted point. I'm gonna give Bob the paying attention point Well, I can open more tabs. Wait, this is competition If you give them if you give them a paying attention point that it completely negates if I get the distracted boy come on Yeah, that really worked out for me.

26:08Mark Fischbach:You got a lot of points for Houdini already. So, yeah. Okay, that's fair. All right. So, Bob, I'm going to start off with you. And you both are going to get the same prompts, so you can both debate this or whatever. But, Bob, starting with you. You get to be rich and famous, but it's over something embarrassing, and it's all you'll ever be known for. I feel like I'm taking that. Well, so, I guess it's about something embarrassing. Is it about something that's generally embarrassing or something that would be absolutely embarrassing to me? Because, like, we've been on the internet for a while. I've done lots of embarrassing Embarrassing shit on the internet Right but like I've grown Out of that there's not anything That I think exists of me online Where I look at it and I'm like actually Embarrassed anymore it's like yeah that was Stupid oh well when I wrote This it was something like you weren't intending Like this isn't like like if you think of Like the Hawk Tua thing right like she did an Interview where she like yeah Spit on that thing then it blew up but she like Willingly did that interview and did the thing This is like I don't know you were walking around Someone like pants chair or something in the wrong Like this isn't something you wittingly or did embarrassing This is something embarrassing that embarrasses you And it's what you get known for I still feel like I would probably Take that I guess the one thing for this That's tough for me is I don't actually It's a silly thing to say given what we're Doing right now but I don't really want to be Famous like Yeah I included that too because the fame Part we're people Follow us people watch this show people watch my youtube channel whatever but like i'm not famous not famous in the way that like chris hemsworth is or or like whatever like famous people who are that's their thing i don't really want to be that kind of famous but it would be hard to to say like assuming i'm starting over and i'm just some an average person and i'm gonna have like a career and a nine-to-five job and whatever or i could be famous and wealthy because of that and it has to be just from some embarrassing thing That happened I feel like I would still take That okay and it's all you'll ever be Known for is attack like no matter what you do you're Known for that embarrassing thing I feel like that would be to have To have like the kind of freedom That that gives you in terms of like you You're not tied you know if you're If you have money and you're You're famous and you can kind of Do what you want you kind of pursue what you want to have That I feel like that's hard to pass up Even with an embarrassing thing at the core Of it it will be annoying but I feel like I would take that I feel like I would take that.

28:33Mark Fischbach:Yeah, the thing about it is you don't get to control what embarrassing thing it is, so it's kind of random, but... Assuming it's something that really sincerely embarrasses me, whatever it may be, I think it's still probably like... Because I guess what I'm assuming is, too, that dulls after a while, right? Even if you're the person who gets famous because you, well, I don't know, something, you did something insane, you chopped your own dick off accidentally or something, and it's like, that's the only thing you're known for. Even if it was something that you couldn't get rid of, your personal feeling of embarrassment about it doesn't stay at the same intensity the whole time the longer you live your life the more you can kind of be like oh whatever like unless it becomes a spiraling disorder that destroys you and eats you from within you can always have that that's possible so mark you taking the deal uh what did bob say i'm taking it he's taking the deal i mean i think i'm suited for this too because it's just like i don't really care what people say But it does depend on how embarrassing it is You don't get to control that Alright, you don't get to control But it's extremely embarrassing This is kind of like a Imagine a wheel of embarrassing It could be extremely embarrassing But the odds are I mean, at the very least It's something you don't want to be known for It's not like an embarrassing thing Of just like you went and shot yourself in the leg With an airsoft gun or something This is like Someone is embarrassing you It goes viral That's what you're known for like i'm the coney 2012 guy and i'm but i didn't do coney 2012 i just was on the corner street slapping the ground and screaming at the heaven that's all that's all yeah um i i've not taken it no i made it pretty far without too much embarrassment for myself so i'm like i believe in myself i i i think i was always destined to be a big youtuber uh i think uh the the the common man just not who I roll with you know I'm not normal I'm built different already don't need no monkey uh changing my paws and changing my future interesting I like how passive way it is sometimes with our with our big decisions just like we say it's like yeah cool all right yeah okay mark you go first on this yeah all right I'm ready you can speak and understand every language but you lose your sensation of taste.

30:53Mark Fischbach:You can no longer taste anything. Huh. And you understand and speak everything perfectly. Why did you just flip? Don't worry about it. You know, not every game has to have a secret component, Wade. You could have just like a normal game. Maybe I'm just bored in flipping a coin, man. Wade's secret words part four. Speaking every language is a unique ability that would be an extremely in demand skill. It would be fascinating, number one, but to have a native level ability of every language, every language you're saying, even like undiscovered ones or dead ones, dead ones or only current ones, every language, especially if it's dead ones, it would be of such a value that I would say like, okay, I'm willing to lose my taste to be the person that could decode ancient literature or things like that.

31:42Like be the person with that knowledge. Yeah, I would take it. Yeah. Bob? Mark raised an interesting point with the dead language thing, because that would be, that That would be very interesting in terms of just be able to learn things about humanity's history. But actually, I don't like history, and I find that really tedious. And I don't think I would want to live a life where I couldn't enjoy. I've been talking about this a lot lately, and it's really not self-loathing. But I'm big for a reason. I really like food. I really like cooking. One of my favorite things to do is to cook and to grill.

32:14And that would ruin that completely. I'm pretty sure I'd lose interest in cooking if the result was tasteless every single time no matter how much effort I put in I really like food it's a core part of what I do on a daily basis I don't think I could live if I lost my sense of taste so I think I'm gonna pass on the all the knowledge about all of humanity's history and deep into the don't care okay uh I have a I have a I have a pork butt currently brining getting ready it's I'm I want to taste that when it's done, okay? I think it's so funny, because if I did have the language and I go into one of the ancient caves and I read some cave paintings and I just start busting out laughing because I know the real meaning behind it.

32:56Everyone's like, oh, it's a human history. This guy was super racist, guys. This is like the original tweet from this guy's career. This caveman was a horrible person.

33:08Mark Fischbach:Anyway, but, yeah, what were we talking about? You discover that all the old languages that you can now understand are just recipes you can never enjoy. That would be the most torture. That's right. Nah, I still got it. I'll still take it. I'll do that. Bob, you're first on this one, I think. You can manipulate luck in your favor, but every time you do or use it, it's at someone else's misfortune. Sorry to think of that. I think it's a vine or a meme. All right now, Jeremy, if you push this red button, you'll get$1 million. dollars and the guy's just like wait wait wait someone dies someone dies every time you put it he's like

33:50man that could go in so many ways though do I get to know who it affects

33:55Mark Fischbach:or is it just some random person you don't get to know who it affects or what happens you just know something bad happens to someone is it proportionally bad like what if I make little things go my way and then someone else like hits all the red lights on the way to work or something or is it like if I use the power Or some bad thing happens. It might be someone dying. You could cure world hunger and someone could stub their toe. Or you could be like, oh man, I wish my nails looked better. And then 10 people die. Like you don't really know if it's proportional or not. That's a risk I'm willing to take.

34:26Because it's not a hard and fast thing. There's so many ways where you'd be like, all right, I'm going to craft a scenario where I am manipulating luck one time. And that's going to lead to me solving all of the world's problems and becoming rich beyond my wildest dreams. If one person dies as a result of that, that's pretty fucked up, actually. But it's a risk I'm willing to take. Okay. I don't know. That's an interesting one. I feel like, you know, in my head, it has to be proportional, right? If I'm like, let's catch this elevator and I do that, like someone else somewhere missed an elevator or something equivalent.

35:05it but that's not how you're saying it's working but that's if i don't have to know what the consequences are anyway in my head that's how i imagine it works so then you can just like i can rationalize i rationalize lots of stuff the ignorance is bliss approach mark you taking the deal i think yeah but you know let's just think about that time where there was a russian early missile detection system and there was a guy who got an alert that there were american missiles coming and his job was to press the button to fire a retaliatory strike. Would that be one of those situations where there's luck that he didn't do that and we're not all dead?

35:43Mark Fischbach:Is that the extreme with which this could go? I mean, I guess that's the moment where you can manipulate luck. It could be as subtle or as extreme as you can imagine, but so can the consequence. You know, when you're playing a video game, you get Chico's on. Ruins the video game. Ruins it. Part of life is about Not knowing what's coming Not knowing which way the hand of fate's gonna Twist your nipple, so I gotta go now Alright, well something bad happens, you know it was Bob If I can find a way to target My bad luck, I'll just have to pick One patsy To absorb all the luck Just one poor person Suffers for everything Bob wants One loser who's just gonna take Everything so that nobody else has to Deal with it.

36:24Mark Fischbach:Oh man, I left the roast in the Oven too long, it's gonna be burnt I'll pick a bad person, then it's cool They weren't bad. They were just incredibly unlucky. Well, I'll make sure that they're bad. Was it unlucky that Hitler had his art rejected from that art school? Someone else manipulated luck and it just so happened to hit him that way and led to that. Yeah. What a crazy interpretation of events that would be. Mark, you have perfect memory. Ooh. But every night you relive your worst moments in your dreams. Well, I mean, that's just life for everyone, right? Right? Right, guys? Everyone's already doing that.

36:58Right? Maybe but you remember I feel like that's one of the skills where it'd be really interesting to have that but How useful is it really other than kind of a fun trick to be like you were wearing a Blue teal shirt with like this mustard stain on the left shoulder at exactly 6 37 p.m. I think it would be really fun but Reliving worst memories

37:21Mark Fischbach:Every night, but you can already remember in vivid detail anyway because you remember everything perfectly, but this you're forced to relive it every night Yeah, I don't know about that one, chief. I kind of like having a little bit of ignorance in my life. I like forgetting some things. I think that's valuable. It's nice that memory's imperfect. And hey, we don't need to have things in such vivid detail all the time. Reliving good memories, sure, would be nice. But I don't spend most of my days recalling memories anyway. So what do I need them? All right, so you're saying no? I think I got to say no, yeah.

37:55Mark Fischbach:Bob perfect memory but you relive your worst moments every night yeah I think a lot of the key to my I've been trying to take the opposite position from Mark just because I'm trying to win here and playing the game a little bit but I think the key to my general happiness that I am able to achieve is because I'm able to just forget stuff that would otherwise really piss me off or depress me if it hung around all the time and I couldn't forget things and let stuff go, I kind of got to go with Mark on this one, I think. That sounds bad. No, you don't need to sound so distressed. I mean, it does feel bad to go with Mark.

38:34I understand. Okay. You know. Yeah, no, I hate that that's where I'm at right now, you know? It's a tough position to be in, but I sympathize.

38:42Mark Fischbach:I'm glad I won't remember this. This is my worst memory. When you get into an argument, you were always factually right. You're always right. But everyone will always think you're wrong. Story of my life, bro. Story of my life. I'm already living that one. Isn't that just the world? Nah, that doesn't sound very fun. I'm going to pass on that one. I win most of the argument. Well, it's not true to say most, but a lot of the arguments I have, and especially ones that I win and have a good time with, I'm not factually right. That's not the thing that makes you win an argument. And that's a very lawyer thing of me to say.

39:21But like I but you argue with emotions and you argue with with you're making points. You're not stating facts. That's not an argument. That's just like a lecture. So I'm not worried about it. I like arguing with bullshit and jokes and that those are not factually accurate things. OK, Mark, always right. I feel like this is one where I could technically leverage this in a way that could glean me information

39:50Mark Fischbach:Beyond my normal means or it limits your arguments to always be ones in which you're correct You don't really know how the universe is going to shape it, man God damn it Is that what it is? Is that what it is? This monkey doesn't seem very certain What if you can create objective truth because you're right no matter what you say Yeah, you're just gonna go start up an argument and you're like bullshit. You're like this is now a law of physics I the universe converts itself to me you you have you have the reality stone at your disposal like I say No, the earth really is flat to be like everyone believes round, but the earth just And everyone's like it's a round earth, but now it's flat and I have to go like no, it's actually round Flat you dumbass You know, I didn't think that deeply into it So I guess Take it as you will I want that power, give me that power That sounds great I don't care which way the wind blows on that one I'm basically a god at that point Markimian Rhapsody Anyway, the wind blows, I decide The wind's not blowing There's never been a moon There's two I don't know why, but the crocodile Dungy just popped into my head And they're like, that's not a knife.

41:08And the guy's holding the thing. It just goes, and it's like a banana. Yes, it is. You idiot. Look at it. That's not a knife. He's British, right? Well, I mean, you know, even if he wasn't, they're all the same anyway, right? Yeah. Aren't Australians just upside down British people or whatever? Yeah. If you spelled British backwards, it's like shittish. That's not how that works. Sorry, Britain. This is sarcasm, guys. It's a joke slash joke slash J. No, Mark, it's not a joke. Americans are just so stupid. We don't even know. It's just an American thing. Are we unhinged or hinged? Oh, I'm super hinged.

41:44I'm hinged at Adam Gord.

41:46Mark Fischbach:Mark, you can read minds, but only when it's something negative about you. Huh. It's like finding something based on where it isn't, right? You're deducing down. So the less you hear, the closer you are to getting them to like you, right? I think I still could work with that because reading minds in general is interesting. And I don't care what people say about me anyway Well I do care what my closest friends and family say So I think you guys Your true feelings would come through And that would affect me But I think that I could then act on it I feel like I could work with that I'll take it, maybe Okay, maybe not You're locked in Alright, thanks man, contract signed What if the twist at the end of this episode Is that everything we pick just comes true And starts happening I would be the best host in the world if I had those kind of powers Are we doing this?

42:36Mark Fischbach:Are we doing this? Are we doing this? Boy, don't be an actor. I'll snap my fingers right now Bob, you can read minds, but only when it's something negative about you Nah, I think this is connected to the same idea for me as the memory thing I don't hang a lot on what people say about me I don't get super offended That's a very useful skill in the world that we live in Especially being online the way we are But in the world in general people will just say and do and think a lot of mean shit but not hearing it makes it way easier to not care i think if i was constantly bombarded with that it would be a different reality than like right now i can be like i don't think this person likes me and i'm sure they might be thinking terrible things about me but i honestly just can't imagine what they are and couldn't fucking care less and i can just like write that off because i don't think about it i just skate through life Without knowing anything or thinking anything That's how I maintain my happiness Knowing things Sucks, thinking hard He's right, he's right, goddammit He's right I see Mark's side too though, where there's certain circumstances Where that could be incredible information To have, to kind of work with But the people that are close to you, like family and friends Would be really tough to hear like the Oh well this guy would just shut the fuck up That I'm sure everyone thinks we're in a room with me God yeah Bob, you can time travel But only up to a minute forward or back and there are some unpredictable ripples whenever you do it Is that the drawback only a minute forward or back and there are some unpredictable ripples when you do it give I take give to me I do oh so like he's jumping a minute back, but it's like a slightly Adjacent timeline every time he does so it's like things are just ever so slightly Yeah, something is slightly different whenever you use it I'll take it.

44:24Mark Fischbach:Just keep rolling the dice until I get to the dimension I want. So like you can go back and change something a minute ago, but also something else out of your control changes. Yeah, if you end up in a bad timeline, you're like, oh, better jump another minute. Hang on. He's right. He's right. God damn it. He's right. You take it. Okay, Mark, would you take it? I'm trying to think this one through because a minute's not a lot, but it's just enough. Imagine a slot machine. You sit down at a slot machine. You bet it all and you just keep jumping back. One minute at a time until you hit the maximum jackpot.

44:57It's a lot of potential power there for a few unpredictable ripples. I think of the movie Butterfly Effect. Have you seen that one with Ashton Kutcher, I believe? I know of it. I've not seen it. Like, I know the whole premise. And then he wakes up one time and, you know, his arms and legs are blown off for whatever reason that they were blown off for. And then he ends up going back in time and strangling himself in the womb. It's just the only natural recourse. Sorry, spoiled the movie for it. I can't imagine what kind of effects that might spread through the universe.

45:28Mark Fischbach:You better get the stream planned now for apologizing for your butterfly effect position. I'm glad these are making you guys have to think. I was like, I hope this list is compelling. I think also this is like the cheat code philosophy that I had. Like, even if it was like subtle ripples, you jump back, you know, because you wanted to try again at something. Like, you go flirt with someone and it didn't work. Reading minds wasn't a cheat code Well they're only saying negative things I think the drawback is enough For this one it's like I think the benefit That you get at it would spoil the experience Of life because you'd constantly be like Rah redo that I stubbed my toe No I didn't bonk you know I think you'd get too casual with it real quick It would spiral out of control Okay so you're saying no Got a real Adam Sandler click scenario going on That's what you're saying He didn't even have any consequences I think he spoiled his chances there That was a consequence free remote Well, his consequence was sometimes life would skip more than he wanted it to.

46:24Mark Fischbach:Like, he fast-forwarded to the end. Well, then you don't skip. Learn to press the button right, dumbass. You know, I think that's... He had a rewind button, didn't he? Why didn't he just go back? Did he have a rewind button? You'd think a remote would, but I don't remember him ever going backwards, did he? I don't actually remember him ever rewinding, but I haven't seen that movie in a while. Yeah, it's been a long time for me, too. Yeah. Well, then just don't forward that much, buddy. I have a feeling I know how this one's gonna go for you, But Mark, you no longer will ever feel embarrassed, but you lose your filter and you say every thought that comes to mind without being able to control it.

46:57I'm not going to do that because I don't feel that embarrassed about much anyway. And so it's like everyone has thoughts popping in their head that don't need to be voiced. But you wouldn't feel embarrassed about it. I mean, you would you would feel no embarrassment. You're right. You're right. You know, hey, ignorance is probably bliss in this in this case. I mean, all those deep inner thoughts you want to get out there, you could without worrying.

47:19Mark Fischbach:You could. Bob, would you? I guess what I'm debating is I see this is kind of like a superpower. I don't really feel embarrassed about stuff that I think a lot of people might think like, oh, that's embarrassing that that's out there. But there are definitely things where it's like for James, I wish I had less fear of embarrassing myself for his benefit. I wish I would just dance in public and just goof around and like do silly voices or. but i i have that voice in my head where it's like oh i don't want these people are gonna think i'm crazy if i just start like met i don't shouldn't i do but i shouldn't give a shit what people think if i'm just having a good time like being silly to entertain james or to have fun with him and i've like that's where i'm like if i could if i could get rid of that or like taking my shirt off at the pool i'm an adult man i've done that plenty of times and every time i go to a public pool i'm still like oh i don't people are gonna see it's like i shouldn't care i wish i was a little fitter i've been skinnier but like i look how i look the shirt doesn't hide the fact that i'm overweight from anyone who looks at me in real life but if i could avoid those feelings i feel like it would make me a funner and better version of myself but the con the negative is really tough you embarrass the shit out of him when he's older because i feel like there's a lot of the others people in the world who are like i have no filter i just say what i mean i'm honest and it's like there's a difference between being honest and having no sense of context and like having no giving no shits about like what exactly your words are going to do in this exact moment you don't have to say everything you think right when you think it but that doesn't mean you can you're you're just avoiding saying things you can still criticize people and bring up fair points and do it in a way where nobody is gonna like punch you in the face or be embarrassed in front of all of their family or like context is important right you want to be honest but you want to be honest and respectful of what the context is where you're trying to be honest i feel like i couldn't live with that but i really really want to get rid of the feeling embarrassment about stupid things because who cares like if i dance around in public and look really silly why should i care We also have those like crazy intrusive thoughts, something you don't actually think or feel.

49:41Mark Fischbach:You just have like an intrusive thought that's like, where the fuck is that? So you're saying yes or no. Ultimately, I would have to pass mainly because I know that having no filter whatsoever, just saying whatever you think when you think it, it's just going to hurt people. It's just going to be shitty. Right. I'm pretty plain and honest with people of my life, but I'm also not an asshole. And that's very much a conscious decision because it's really easy to be an asshole. And if you don't care what people think of you It's really low consequences for you But I don't want to be that person I have to pass I guess But man wouldn't it be so sick if you never felt embarrassed About anything you did in public God that would be nice You could be naked slapping the corner every day of your life Shouting at the rooftops you know I would love that for me Pretending to be a monkey at security guards or vice versa You can put salmon on every toilet And wouldn't care I really enjoyed the last episode can you tell I keep bringing it up I don't think the salmon person was embarrassed at all.

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51:41Mark Fischbach:I think we'll do one more here. Bob, you can speak to and understand animals, but you can't tune it out. Even like insects crawling around your house When they're talking you can hear them You can't tune it out You said speak to and understand So they can understand me too Ignorance is bliss I don't want to know what people are thinking I don't even really want to know what most people are saying I definitely don't want to know what insects have to say It would be fascinating It would be a good time But if I could never tune it out Nah, pass I don't really know how loud they'd be So maybe like, you know, you're not going to hear like an ant down in the kitchen if you're in bed, but like, you know, something's crawling on your room.

52:22Yeah, I don't think that would be louder than they really are. But I mean, if you have to talk to an ant, I'm sure you need to. But there's like insects everywhere, right? And that means if there's like a fly in your room flying around that he's yelling at you every time he flies in front of your face. Like, where's the poop?

52:37Mark Fischbach:Oh, where's the poop? I smell it. I know it's here. Oh, where is it? I'm good. I'll live. I'll survive. I think that every time you would speak to an insect it would be an eldritch god situation where you You say to the fly you're not speaking at first be hearing and then you just say stop and it just like It starts screaming in panic, but you're just like I see Mosquitos of the woods. I have poisoned my flesh stay back If you just said in like in your is this telepathy or do you have to say it out loud speak to I'm thinking you say out loud like you talk out loud Okay I would just anytime I wanted bugs to leave me go I go run run run You know and then they'd probably be like if you heard a voice in the sky just suddenly speak in your language like run I'm running you know if I hear the clouds start shouting at me I'm running you know so I think I think you could I think you cleared out run and tell everyone to stay away from this place run run and then you know I Depends on the level of intelligence, I guess, but yeah.

53:40Okay, but honestly, what value is there really in talking to animals? This sounds really mean. Like, you can have a real conversation with Chica. He already does. Yeah, I do. She understands me perfectly, and I understand her. Oh, father. I love you. I love you. Oh, and I'm back to her. I love you. I love you. I don't know. Maybe there's value. Maybe there's not. Depends what you do with it. I don't know. I don't think there's that much value in it. that it would be worth hearing all of it all the time. I don't have tinnitus, but occasionally I'll get like ringing in my ears and I'm like, I can't imagine living always like this.

54:15Oh, I kind of like this one. I want to do one more. I lied.

54:17Mark Fischbach:We're doing one more because I like this one. You're the host. All right, Mark, you're granted one wish. There's a consequence, but you'll never learn what the consequence was. Just you'll know that there was one, but you get to have any wish. This is just describing the monkey's paw. This is the monkey's paw. Well, monkey's paw, you usually find out the consequence. This one, you're guaranteed to never know what happened. You never know what happens. You know there's a consequence. You never learn what it was. I mean, given that I've taken worse deals already in this episode, I think I gotta take this one.

54:49Because if the whole theme's monkey's paw in this one, I can live in ignorance. Then hey, you know?

54:54Mark Fischbach:Yeah, but maybe a part of your mind will always wonder, like, how bad was it? Nah, I'll get over it. Bob, you taking this one? I feel like I have to take it. So is this monkey Paul rules where the consequence is related to my wish? I know I don't ever have to know what it is or whatever, but like... You're welcome to think and believe that. I mean, so if this is magic rules and I don't ever get to know what the consequence was, I guess part of my life plan has to be I'm just going to travel the world as aggressively as possible. If I go everywhere and meet everyone and none of them can be the victim of this consequence because I'm not allowed to know what it is.

55:34Mark Fischbach:Something bad could still happen. Like, maybe you wonder if that's what the consequence, like, you won't know if it's the consequence or not. Like, if someone near you passes away, you might be like, is that the consequence? Like, you'll never know. It doesn't mean nothing bad can happen. You'll just never know. You could just say it is. I could stub my toe and be like, ah, the consequence. Fuck. Oh, well. Oh no, my consequence. Ah, there it was. And that may not be it, but then I settle it in my mind that way. Like, yeah, it doesn't mean nothing bad will ever happen around you. You'll just never know if that's why it happened.

56:02Mark Fischbach:No, I settle it in my mind that way. That's fair. You can rationalize. You taking the deal, Bob? I feel like the moral of all of the Monkey's Paw stories in existence is that you're not supposed to. So, yeah, I'll take that deal. Okay. That is the first yes you've all agreed on, by the way, this whole time. Whoa. You guys agreed on a bunch of no's, but that's the first yes you've both agreed on. I guess it was easy. Okay, let me do some work here. I don't care for that very much. Yeah, he's been doing that a lot this episode. For listeners, Wade is flipping a coin repeatedly right now and then jotting some things down.

56:39Mark Fischbach:All right. So basically what I decided was I kept track of your guys' yeses and nos. You guys both had compelling reasons. So I let the coin decide who got the point for yes or no for each one. So I did 10 coin flips for 10 prompts. Heads meant no. Tails meant yes. So heads won on 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, and 10. Tails one on two three seven and nine so let me just go back here and look oh god so for one If you said no you got a point that's mark is this is this the curse of the coin flip that Bob agreed to years ago Yeah, wait, this is just a convoluted way to get a whole shitload of coin flips going no I think it's a perfectly logical way Yeah, if you guys want to agree there might be some bonus points here if you want if you really like this I'm all about it.

57:27Mark Fischbach:I'm all about it. I have calculated my points. How good is your counting, Mark? I hope it's worse than I think it is. Do you want to know what the current score is? I can read it out. Oh, I guess if he's going to tell us. Yeah, if he's going to tell us. I'm not going to read the yes-nos individually because I didn't keep track of that while I was writing, but I'll tell you how many points you got from that part. Mark, you got points for... Movie so close. You aren't Matt Mercer. You got a point for that. Gray Drat? Gray something. What about the gray at the beginning? You said made it gray comment.

57:58Mark Fischbach:Gradient. Gradient. That's what the point is. Road elevator with Matt Mercer. What Matt Mercer point? How much should we talk about Matt Mercer? What's happening here? Something Da Vinci. Ace Da Vinci. Uncle Da Vinci. I can't tell what that says. Something Da Vinci. You called me chief. I gave you a point for it for some reason. And Houdini. Damn. And then you got four points for the yes, no flips. Chief. I didn't realize. Come on, sport. I didn't know that was a way to get points. I don't know. I was like, oh, chief. It just rubbed me the right way. How many points did I get, Bucko? You got a point for DC Carl.

58:37Mark Fischbach:Dungeon Crawler Carl. You got a point for Hurt Me. You got two points for Made Me Feel Good because you said nice things about me. You got a point for Paying Attention, Flew with Louie Anderson, and Can Rationalize real good and then you had six points from the coin flips our current score is mark has 11 bob has 13 oh all right okay all right okay so uh it's time to see how many spins we get come on one you know you want to do oh shit all right three it is three the only answers we get three yep Back to our threes glad we have other numbers on that wheel. Have we ever gotten to To ever been fun.

59:26All right, there's a two on Friday

59:28Mark Fischbach:July 11th is the last time we got a two apparently maybe whenever we question the wheel like it roll spin to then you Spin it hits doing I guess it can and then the ones that count it doesn't all right What are you adding? What are we adding? I just wish there was an entry called the monkey's paw curls and then we have to like pick a random bad thing to occur Like it's not point based at all It's just like you know something terrible occurs And everyone has to wonder what it was We can add it and hope that that happens I guess And that wastes a spin You know that would be fun like it lands on it Something bad happens and And it wastes a spin We can have neutral spins Yeah the monkey's paw put it on there I hope we're not willing negative energy into the universe But like that would That would World we can thank Mark for coming up with it And me for agreeing to it Bob's innocent in this one.

1:00:17Yep, I'm completely innocent. All right, so we got three spins here, huh? He's probably the one that's gonna be affected by it then.

1:00:23Mark Fischbach:That's about right. All right, three spins. Eh? Most self-sabotage? None of you lost any points. I told you to hurt me. You gave me a point for telling you to hurt me, but I... I mentioned Matt Mercer and oh, I guess I got a lot of points for it. Never mind. You did get a lot of points. There was no lost points here. What about the monkey's Pods, you know, decisions. Who, who... That could have sabotaged all of us. That's true. Who took the most bad? Oh, who took the... Okay, so... You both said yes to four things. Only one of which you agreed. Well, we're allowed to call it re-spins. Yeah, let's re-spin that one.

1:00:58Oh.

1:00:59Mark Fischbach:Most locked in. Mark had like eight tabs open and was doing some shit. I literally gave Bob a paying attention point. I have six eBay tabs open, four Amazon tabs, two YouTube tabs, three Black Library tabs. I've already given the point to Bob in the episode. I bought a piece of software Yeah, Bob you got that point a graphics card really a graphics card It's that one that I'm not gonna buy but I keep looking at it so we can run a DaVinci Pinchy There's a special play that the Eagles run Most impressions did anyone do a Louie Anderson impression? I don't wouldn't say I did an impression I want this one there's the depression speaking of uh gilbert godfried wait i know you're not on like tiktok or whatever but have you seen the meme the nothing beats a jet to holiday have you seen that meme going around no okay well it's a meme that people are putting over stuff but there's a there's an audio there's a version of the audio where a guy does it in gilbert godfried's voice And he's just like, nothing beats a Jet 2 holiday And it's really fucking funny That's two impressions right there, Mark I don't know how to argue that I don't know, that's fine, whatever I'm already gonna lose, I don't know And the third spin is golf score You could have done some impressions if you wanted It could be Mark's doing an impression of sadness Hey!

1:02:25Mark gets the point! That's Mark's point Most unrelated tabs open All right! I was thinking it was gonna be the sleep one and I got a - I pulled another all-nighter over the weekend, so.

1:02:38Mark Fischbach:Well, at a final score of 15 to 12, Bob takes it. All right, fine. Congratulations, Bob. This is where we make our comeback, Wade. Collectively against Mark's dominance. I was gonna say, this is the first time one of us has hosted and Mark hasn't immediately won. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Winner speech! That's me! I wasn't even expecting it! I forgot I won already! That was a fun idea. That was a fun episode. I definitely did some stuff that if it was real life, I would regret immensely But like I said in the beginning I can rationalize anything, man I'm I can rationalize anything to whatever I want it to be.

1:03:17I will be fine I will make it work Monkey's paw don't scare me And now I'm gonna be a rich whatever those things were I wanted a rich non-animal speaking something something You know me. That's me. That's what they call me. Good game, Wade. Thanks for making me win. Hey, happy to help. Mark, loser speech. Look, I'm still up for the year, for the season. Everyone can have a few off days here and there. I'll make my comeback. I'll get on top again. I'm going to win next time.

1:03:55Mark Fischbach:Likely true, according to how things have gone this season. Got a good feeling. All right. Well, you can find us boys market market plier Bob at my skirt me at minion seven seven or Lord me in seven seven Merch could be out now, but I don't know Very well could be stay tuned for the next one where Bob will host we'll see what he gets us into and until then I said stay frosty my friends. That's not our outro podcast out Just said it should have owned it stay for us do my friends

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