Make Wade Do It

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1:19Waggling Lunk Wade cuts the chit-chat and calls for pep talks to keep him on track. Brazen Barb resolves to wander as Escalator Flashbacks redecorates Wade's and bans games. Movie maker Mark cuts jizz, shows off his bucket, gives stick and suggests rockets. From witness protection to Wade's mighty meat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha It's time for Make Wade Do It. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

2:01Wade:Hello everyone and welcome back to Distractable. I was going to say welcome to 2026, but I guess I'm an episode behind on that one. So whoops, we're deep in there now. Yeah, we're already deep into 2026. It's already basically over. Joined as always by my co-host, Mark and Bob. Hi, guys. Hello. Hello. I hope the editors are putting like that, that like undercover, what, sequestered man. What is it fucking called? The dude in the black, uh, the guy. The like witness protection? Witness protection. Yeah. Yeah, the dude and the guy. Yeah, I got you. The sequestered man. God. Shut up. I had it. Oh.

2:45Wade:And as always, I'm definitely keeping track of points because that's what we do here Every time done it for years now, so I've got my nice score score chord as we call them score chords Stop, Charlie get your score chord Usually we start with small talk and I guess we might as well do that again We had an episode come out a few days ago, but we actually haven't talked to each other since right before Christmas So how was your holiday? How was everything? How's everything going mark your witness protection? Your dude in the guy I'm the dude in the guy the encumbered man um i'm the uh i am in austin again um still doing movie stuff final stretch guys it's it's really it's really almost there the final stretch yeah you wouldn't believe it we're doing color so but weirdly enough when you make a movie you gotta actually do the final color uh which is a lot more involved than people would think i heard black and white was back in style we thought about that but it got too close to the jizz edit.

3:40It's just like not a bad day. That would be, that's the edit right there. I can't wait for the jizz cut. Oh man, the jizz cut's going to blow people away. It's going to be nuts. Oh. But I, so I'm in Austin again and I had a flight and my mistake was like I flew out like right after Christmas, which is not a good time to go because a lot of people are going home and also all the people that work on the airlines are also not wanting to be there. Don't worry, my return flight's on New Year's Day. I think it's gonna be a really good one. I mean, it's already New Year's. Happy New Year's, everybody.

4:17I got to the airport at two. Our plane took off at 10. And I got into my hotel at 3 a.m. when I arrived. So very fun.

4:27Wade:At what point do you get to like so late to the hotel that they're like, sorry, your room won't be ready till like 5 p.m.? Because that would have really sucked to get there right in that window. I got to the hotel and I was like, oh, thank God. I'm so tired. Pull the door. Clunk. It's locked. Of course, they lock it at night. I was like, oh, look at the key card reader forlornly with my bags. I literally have to knock on the door until someone comes by. But I got in. Oh, fun. That's awful. I mean, not the worst thing I've ever had because I have a I'm a Delta Diamond Medallion member so i got into the sky club only been in there one time it was very nice i hear they have sandwiches in there dude they got more than sandwiches this guy club i was at in la they got a full buffet like not even just like a little casual buffet they have like a hot buffet oh hot buffet they got like four big things of like oh they have like spiced rice and like with all these veggies like rice pilaf and then they have like these braised chicken thighs and like a whole spread of salami and it is amazing it seems like a lot how many how many people go in the sky club that seems like a lot for the 50 people that use it every day i think it was tampa bay and tampa bay's was like that and also really busy it was big and busy they they improved the cincinnati one a couple years back and apparently i've been in that once and it's really nice it's a lot bigger than you think it would be and there's like the one i was in in la actually had two buffets on each side of the the thing it's huge i'm not diamond so i only get i don't know if i'm limited or if like the person you're with is limited to access i think molly or i can only get in like two to four times a year or something with where we're at so because we're not we're not diamond yeah i don't fly enough god damn i get to go in 15 times a year you start just flying around randomly it is hopefully coming to slow down a little bit but like the travel of this nonsense is going to be over soon, which would be nice.

6:24I'll believe you when it happens. You actually get to do the fun part soon. There's a date set. It's going to happen. People are going to see it. You're going to like theaters full of people. People are going to tell you what they think. And that's always a good thing. Always a good thing. Did I show you the popcorn bucket? Do you have one? No, not with me, but I have a video of the actual popcorn bucket. Oh, no, I think you showed us like a, it might be like this, like a mock-up or something, but it was. I have some, they made one, a prototype.

6:56Wade:They have to test it? Like, see if it explodes or something? I think maybe just to see how it looks. Oh, okay. Hey, does it look like we thought it would? Careful, careful, this is just a prototype. No idea how many buckets just go off unexpectedly. It's a dangerous business. I mean, it's, man, I can't find it. If I find it, I'll bring it up later. It's just like I'm using the Apple email app and because the Gmail one was giving me a pain in the ass because I couldn't search anything. And there were so many ads at the top. So I was like, wow, I'll go to the Apple one. I can't find shit on the Apple one.

7:31Nothing works. It looks great. It works like I wish I was using the other one.

7:36Wade:I forget. Oh, yeah. So I bought tickets three times to see your movie. I don't get to use any of them because now we have a we have a different plan. So we're still seeing it. I don't know if that plan is public. So I'm going to keep that one under wraps. Oh, are you coming to our plan? Yeah. I mean, it can be public as long as it's vaguely public. Well, I'm coming to your plan. That's it. That's all I'm saying right now. We have a plan. We're still going to the Esquire, the first tickets we bought, and then we're doing it again on our plan today. So this is the real. Oh, my God. I'm not going to.

8:10Wade:I don't know if Bob can really see, but your resolution, you're coming in for me. I just see red. It's basically that. I mean, it's not the highest resolution, but I can see it. And that's ridiculous. Only at Regal, baby. It looks intricate. Is that the final design that they're going with? Yeah, Molly made this. That's so fucking cool. Wait, Molly made it. I can't wait till she gets another Enterprise text. Make sure you send payment for that promptly. Anaconda wishes they made this popcorn bucket. Let me tell you, that thing is fucking nuts. You are gonna set a couple aside, right? I want one of those.

8:47You're not gonna go hunt it down? You're not gonna go buy it?

8:50Wade:Wait, a week and a half ago, you're like, oh, I'll definitely get you guys something. Now you can't hear me? What the fuck? Listen, I'm a big shot now. I'm in 2 ,500 theaters. It's gone to my head. Oh, I thought it was because of the popcorn bucket, not even the movie. Oh, it's because I'm a big shot now. I have a popcorn bucket. Look, I I gotta say Regal has been on board 100 % I'm super Happy with them I'm happy to shout them out That's pretty cool and to think you wanted to start A competing franchise I guess we need to open a Regal huh We could open a Regal They do franchises and stuff I'm sure We could buy that one that failed And then we could franchise it there that'd be nice We buy that one that failed twice in the Same decade and then it'll definitely work This time because we're different we're Built different yeah we are built different that's true anyway i chewed up all the small talking no you're good my small talk was just some lame new year's resolution thing don't worry about it i love it i actually meant to google this before we talked again my goal my resolution is i want to walk 365 miles in 2026 obviously a mile a day but the point being if i have to miss a day it's not like i fucked it all it's like okay well i have to make that mile up right like i if i hit 365 miles by the end that is a success and presumably the more I do it, the easier it will be for me to do extra miles.

10:14Because right now I hit a mile and I'm kind of like, that's enough. That's good. I did it. So I assume I've walked like 30 miles by today. What's it? The ninth? I'm just killing it way ahead. I'm just assuming. Nice, man. Except for the Cincinnati weather. Well, we have a treadmill too. So a lot of it's going to be inside until it's not Ohio outside. But that's smart. Yeah. I walked through the airport and I was tired. Like I remember I used to walk up and down the airport when I was waiting for my plane It just goes like yeah, I'll do some steps in I forgot my bag at security Go back and get it and I was like, maybe i'll leave it.

10:49I don't know if it's worth it to get

10:51Wade:Was there a guy pushing you on a royal cart this time? I wish I had to go get my bag from the security and it was so funny because if you see the tsa security They're usually up in a really high desk So, you know i'm perfectly average height, right? But me looking up at this desk is like this fucking guy from A Crucifist Story peering down at the kid. And just like, oh, did you lose your bag, little boy? And what's even worse is like, yeah, I love my bag. And he's like, oh, what's it look like? It's blue, it's carry-on, it has a name on it. And he looks at me and goes, what's the name? And I'm like, oh, no.

11:34Mark. I'm not supposed to tell strangers my name and it's like at first it was creepy it took me a second to realize he recognized me but because it was just like a TSA agent looking at me like

11:44Wade:I still didn't get that I thought he was just about to like murder you what's the name yeah I was like they came around and gave me the bag and you know and said he was a fan so he was very nice like there was nothing wrong about that but it was just very funny I saw the smile spreading on his face dude nothing makes me feel more old and out of shape than airports i've i have so many memories because the main bulk of the traveling i've done was for like when we did the live shows and shit we flew a lot we drove bus places and i remember like just running all around the airports and me like now we didn't catch a flight oh yeah and the last time i was in an airport i had to get from security to the gate which was a normal distance away and i got to the gate and i was like where's the seat i need a fucking chair and they were like and we're now boarding and i was like no God I was gonna rest fuck Like man it just is not Hence the 365 Miles so it's not going so well I gotta be able to walk at least to the Gate to fly on the airplane god Forbid I forget my bag dude Charlotte Atlanta Chicago I have a lot of experiences like that in those airports This was small this was CVG Which is not a big airport it's not like I had to walk across The whole fucking Dallas airport Or something annoying and they got that nice tram And the treadmills or Houston What's the one that sucks in Texas?

13:02Dallas? Maybe. I mean, Austin isn't too great either. I think one of the ones in Texas everyone talks a lot of shit about. Oh, there's two.

13:12Wade:I've had a weird experience lately. The last few times I've flown, the escalator up has always been broken. Never the one going down, but always the one going up has been broken. And we've got like these big bags and like the line for the elevator is a mile long. And it's like, yes, they're just annoying metal stairs now. I would never walk on broken escalators I'm too paranoid Yeah no that scares the shit out of me I hate that so much The last time we all hung out We went and we had a A meal together over at Kenwood Right and we went to that place right to go up that escalator And Mandy and James and I Were on that escalator and I've never Been on one that did this before but it like Stopped and then it went like And we were like climb climb climb Get off holy fuck like It was like oh my god it's gonna Fucking kill us And it was just like we ran up the last little bit and got off and then it was just like never mind I was gonna say Molly and I came up behind you on that same escalator No you did we watched you come up and we were like should we tell him Cause like we didn't see you get on so like we didn't not warn you before But once you were on it we were like maybe it won't happen but we should just not scare him If they started shouting you would have panicked you would have ran It would have broken You're standing on the escalator Get off the escalator Why are you guys yelling at us It's fine I guess Just a baby Just murder machines Also can't down escalators be up escalators I know there's pathing But every time I see an up escalator broken Next to an escalator that's going down Part of me is like Why don't we switch that one Isn't one of these ways harder than the other If we're going to have a thing Maybe it depends on like the way that the metal Prongs are facing because they do kind of like Fit and bend in a certain way maybe it can go in reverse I feel like they're symmetric well I don't know If symmetrical is the right word but I feel like they're the same Well I don't know because it like it goes down And crunches this way can that mean it Also can go down and crunch this way or is it only Crunch wait what's crunching Like they mesh together they They mesh I think he means that they That they they mesh yeah I don't know if they mesh in a way that they can go both ways I guess they would have to because I think they can.

15:25Yeah. I believe in some places they have where they have multiple escalators at certain times of the day, they'll have more going up. If it's like beginning of the day or if a parking garage more going into the store, it'll be more down or more going up when it's end of day. If people leave, it's like a bridge, you know, they'll change the lanes. I think, I don't know. I'm speaking up my ass here. I feel like I've seen that, but also I may have just thought that that should be happening because I'm lazy. I tried to leave my house, so I don't know if I have. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins.

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16:29Wade:I am going to jump in, though. We're going to move on and save some of the small talk for next episode because I'm known as the guy who lets the small talk go on forever because I just like chit-chatting. And I definitely always come prepared with the most crazy and insane of games. Per usual, I've got something. And Bob, you got a segue point. Surprise, surprise. New Year's resolutions. is part. We've done resolutions before, and we've talked about resolutions before, but I don't think we've done this. I've got a list here of some of the more popular New Year's resolutions, and if you guys have some you can come up with, that's fine.

17:01Wade:What we're going to do is to throw back to, like, old distractible days, where you guys are just going to come up with the best ways to motivate people to follow through on their New Year's resolution. Are you going to give us a resolution that we motivate specifically, or is this, like, general? I will give you guys a resolution. I will give you a resolution. You'll both have a chance to motivate. We'll move on to the next one. And just the sky's the limit with how you motivate. That being said, the answer to each one can't be hold a gun to someone's head. We've got to be more creative than that.

17:30Wade:Man. How many guns can one person hold? Depends how good your toes are, I guess. And tongue. I guess I... Oh, man. Where's my coin? Mark, you have a coin in your witness protection just in case? I mean, I can make a coin happen. All right. Well, we don't... Hopefully, we won't even need one. I'm known to only host fair episodes. So we'll have heads is Bob Tails is Mark to who goes first our first one so you guys can start thinking about it is the most popular New Year's resolution according to this is to exercise more which makes sense because I think that's one we all take into consideration

18:05Wade:Heads is Bob me first motivate It'll just be me. I'm the one who needs to do this motivate me. You can be nice be mean. Oh good a target I need to exercise more and that's not false. Wade needs to exercise more and I know how to make it happen What's the one thing that Wade loves more than gobbling down huge piles of meat? Gobbling down huge piles of meat in his own house Preferably on the same level of the house that he woke up on I am going to take the whatever I don't care what's in there Fuck it, it's gone now whatever is in the room closest to your bedroom a desk a dresser head i am gonna build that out into a beautiful home gym complete with brazilian steakhouse open fire pit and you only get to eat at your own brazilian steakhouse that is 15 away 15 feet away from where you sleep if you are actively working out so it's like you know when you go and they you have the little red red means stop green means go and you turn it's on red unless you're walking on the treadmill unless you're doing a set on a weight machine or whatever so it like keeps track of like my fitbit or something and it knows it knows if i've been naughty or nice and so you're gonna have that smell like in probably in your whole house for the rest of your life you're gonna hear the clanging of the swords with the meat there could be a cold salad bar if you're into that part of it that could maybe be along the back wall.

19:37Good old pineapple and stuff. Yeah, no, it's all in there. And there's like a bow flex and an elliptical and a treadmill. You only get to partake if you do what you got to do. I'm not saying that that is a healthy balance of activities because I'm not a nutritionist. I don't know if it'll actually make you healthier or more physically fit, but it will force you to work out because I know you won't be able to resist that. That's pretty tempting. That's pretty tempting. Okay. I thought of this as a joke at first. And now the more I think about it, the more I think I'm like, this actually would work on me.

20:09I smell a business opportunity. You know, carrot on a stick. See, that's stupid. No one wants a carrot. So a little bit of like what Bob was saying, steak on a stick. And I started thinking about it. I need to change the mind. People view me at first. Well, dude, come on. You're the mean man. You're not wrong. and so if i can't have a taco on a stick that wouldn't work for you but everyone loves a steak especially vegetarians because if you watch videos of vegetarians eating meat for the first time and it's a steak they basically orgasm right on camera because you're like oh god it's so good they're right anyway so i just imagined myself holding a steak with a stick and i'd laugh at first on a treadmill be like this is dumb or walking outside and then i'd go faster because I really want the stick and I think it would really work.

21:01So just a stake on a stick. Yeah. Are you holding the stick or is it attached to you? Cause I feel like if you're holding it eventually, even, even we would figure out that you could just move the stick. It's gotta be pull on a backpack or something like that's dangling out like that.

21:16Wade:You just lay down and it falls right into your mouth. You know that, uh, the, the video of the, the backpacker with like the whip snake condition backpack. That was like 20 feet tall. That, but with a steak at the side. The whip steak! The whip steak! The whip steak. It writes itself. Mm-hmm. By stealing everyone else's ideas, it writes itself. I like the whip steak, but I like the idea of a Fogo in my house even more. I gotta give that one to Bob, I think. Don't say pandering. Hey, he didn't set a budget. This is Wade's money. I'll spend it however I want. That's true. A gold bar on a stick. I thought Bob was covering this, not gonna lie.

21:56If you're getting in shape, you're paying for how you get in shape. That's the deal. You don't ask someone else to pay for your gym membership so you can start working out in the new year. You gotta get your gym membership. That's the deal.

22:06Wade:Don't underestimate my lazy. Speaking of which, do you guys want to renew my gym membership for me? What's your gym? I don't know. I think I have a Planet Fitness one from like 2016. You'd set off the lunk alarm as soon as you walk in. What does that mean? I'm a big lunk? Fucking knuckles dragging on the floor. He thinks you're a lunk. He's calling you a lunk. I don't even know what a lunk is. Is that good or bad? It's not good. Does it sound good? No, not at a plan of business. Oh, you lunk. Does the lunk alarm sound good to you? I don't know. You should try it on Molly. Next time you see her, be like, hey, lunk.

22:42Wade:I think it was a lump, like a lump of coal, but a lunk. If you're a hunk, it's good. If you're a lump, it's bad. But what if you're both? What if it's a lunk? If you're, it's very clear. Legolo well maybe Legolo's good in comparison to whoever the hell Legolo's inspired by Legolas that's it you got Legolo you got Higolo Hunkolo I don't know I don't know where I'm going with this Lunkolo Lunkolo yes alright the next one Mark you'll go first on this one the next one is just be happier I don't think we can do this one Bob I don't think it's gonna work I already feel like I I feel like I want to give up.

23:21I feel like this is un...

23:22Wade:Oh, not for Lunkalo. Doesn't have to be me. I could be an example if you need one. If you guys... No, it's you. It's definitely you. It has to be you now. Okay. Make me happier. All right. This is a New Year's resolution. And I'd probably avoid meat. We've done... We did two meats. No, don't worry. It's not about meat. Don't worry. What else does he like? That's the question. So, look. It's a long-term happiness kind of thing, right? so okay every day every day you keep trucking through this year i'll give you one hair back on your head so you just gotta keep going because the next day you're gonna look forward to that extra hair how many follicles do you think i'm missing at this point let me see how many follicles are on the human head all right here's on human head i mean i've got some on the side It's just the top middle.

24:16Wade:You got to worry. Don't worry. There's 90 ,000 total hairs. But you get one a day, dude, in a lifetime. That's nearly a third. What was that? Is that 30 years to get my hair back? Yeah. If you have a third of your hair back, that's 30 years. No. Yes. 10, actually. No. Yes. 10. It's only 10 years. Get a third of your hair back. Well, for a third would be, I think. Yeah. Yeah. So 10 years, you'll have all this. because if you count this as a third and this as a third and this as a third one of the three 10 years yeah all you gotta do is just get through the day that midnight might need a uh brow lift at that point too i don't know if you guys this is unrelated but i used to work in the eye industry and uh i definitely have the i think bob you might have it too where you have like a little bit deeper orbital set in so like your skin rests on your lids oh i thought you're gonna insult him somehow.

25:10Wade:Just like if your orbital, if your eye sits back a little bit, you see how like the skin kind of sits on my eyelid? How could you possibly tell for the man whose eyes are constantly in shadow no matter how well lit he is? I have, you can see physically the skin sitting on my eyelid. People go into the eye doctor and they're like, doctor, I can't see like I used to. I think something's wrong. And the doctor's like, can you see now? Oh, doctor, it's a miracle. Oh wait, does that work? Because literally it takes the skin off of your eyelids So your eyelids can open a little bit more whenever you've got I feel if I do this it'll be racist So I don't think You just stick with one hand What you really don't want to do is two Two fingers on the corners that's the bad one We're not messing with it's the whole Thing I don't know how it works With a bald guy in all seriousness But like people that have hairlines they'll go up Like right on your hairline and they'll like remove A strip of actual skin like a literal strip of skin and they just like slide it up and then stitch it I know that that's how that works but hearing you say that out loud is just awful I got to watch the surgeries and they're not even like in like a hospital they just do it there in the office it's kind of wild they just lay you back local anesthetic you're awake I think so again this is 12 years ago 13 years ago but yeah I'm pretty sure I had the mallet that I bonked them with and they were right out why do I imagine you at that job big clown shoes big hammer open your eyes dong it was a bit of a scary job because i actually got jabbed with a sharp that was a used sharp so i had to go to the hospital and get all those like hiv tests and stuff done because like whenever you get pricked by a bloody someone else's blood you have to go make sure you're safe that wasn't fun did you think you're sticking your hand in the vending machine those are the sharps jar no i actually i can't remember how it happened this doesn't feel like my pop turn well you have your disposable sharps but then you also have some that you actually have like clean and reuse i think i was cleaning and something happened where either something got knocked off i don't remember exactly how it happened it's been so long you gotta be careful with those they're sharp they are yeah i was bleeding but someone else's blood was entering it was very scary bleed harder man come on don't let his blood show you up you just need to you just need to bleed better than them your bleed will win all right so sorry i got way pretty usual i got way distracted so just A follicle replacement one day one follicle Yeah yeah that thing Okay uh Bob make me Happy wait I know what would make you happy You've spent so much time on this topic And I feel like this might be one of the Things that weighs heavily on your mind This is a lie that you tell Every time we're together You've come up with different versions Of it it the current Iteration has been going on for a long Time oh I ordered A car oh it's in Germany oh it's on a boat oh it'll be here in three six months nine it'll be here next year it'll oh no i have a car it's here now they sent a car all the way from germany to me here in ohio all of this fabrication has to weigh on you wade i tell you what i'll buy you a car buddy that'll cheer you up and you'll actually have a car then you won't have to lie about it Then you'll be able to let that go And when we're like hey how's the car You can be like it's great and I drove it And I'll be like don't say it like that Say it like you really have a car Do I get to pick what car since you're buying I'm the car guy here I think I'm the car distractible host So I'll pick a good one I think I know what you like I know what cars you pretend to have So I get a little picture of your taste Okay Dude Totally related Unrelated to the topic but totally related to that Did you see they're canceling the Ford Lightning?

28:54They did, but aren't they turning it? They're going to come out with a new model that works the way that the scout trucks are going to work, where it's a diesel generator electric drivetrain hybrid, where the diesel engine is not connected to the drivetrain, but it charges the batteries. And it's going to have like 600 miles of range or something crazy. I thought I saw something like that, that they're canceling the Lightning, but they're moving to like a hybrid onboard generator EV drivetrain situation. That's what I heard. That's what I saw. Wait, so it's still an electric motor, right? It's an electric motor.