Mark's Big Dangerous Word Game

0:00This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fruit Snacks. Back to school season can be tough on parents, but choosing a snack you and your kids can both get behind doesn't have to be. Stock up on Welch's Fruit Snacks, made with whole fruit and now made with no artificial dyes. It's a snack kids already love and one you can feel good about giving them. Go back to school with Welch's Fruit Snacks, now made with no artificial dyes.

0:30Ethan Nestor:Brussels clean up nicely at Sweetgreen. Maple glazed, roasted, and edges perfectly caramelized. Sweetgreen's fall harvest is back on the menu, and the season's most overlooked little green vegetable is dressed to be devoured. You know what to do. Order on the Sweetgreen app.

0:49This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom-scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling, just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destructible. This episode, Melodramatic Mark kicks off with coming up behinds.

1:26then initiates a terminal hot potato duel. Bullshitting Bob pounds hard, upgrades James' attire, advocates golden pussy, but misses iron lung. Go watch it. Wiggly Wade admits, then displays amnesia, mentions Mark miniscule main, and struggles with syntax. From podcast longevity to Martha Wash. Yes! It's time for Mark's big dangerous word game. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractable, the podcast that is definitely not going to end anytime soon. So don't you worry about that. We're going to be here for a while. Don't listen to the rumors. We are here for you for as long as we need to And you know who else is probably going to be here or at least one of them bob and wade I'm one of them.

2:33There was a lot of things said there that were slightly concerning. Well, it was concerning He said don't listen to the rumors. Yeah, don't listen to the rumors if it makes you feel any better I'll give you both some concerned points Not that that makes them valid or anything just because I'm assigning a point to it doesn't mean that your concerns are validated I'm just doing this because that's a good reason to do stuff Anyway, this is the game show and yes, it's a game show because points and Rewards are offered during every single one of these episodes or at least uh, we'll say that to get our ratings up And i'm your host markiplier multi-hyphenated talented weekend losing director along with an emmy losing director.

3:14Whatever I do I'll always get second place there's there's no question about that oh he's coming up right behind the first place finisher

3:23Ethan Nestor:that's a really good place the best pace even depending on how you think about it yeah yeah yeah for sure for sure first is the worst second is the best i've heard these are all good sayings and wade you just earned yourself a point thank you but i heard it too i'll tell you why later But anyway, what we do here first, as we've done every episode since the dawn of time, is talk about our lives because we're very conceited like that. And we want to, we think that our lives are interesting enough to share with you and you want to listen to it. So that's exactly what we're going to do. Who wants to go first?

3:57Ethan Nestor:Me. I actually heard that at the same time. Who said that first? Me. That time Bob was slightly ahead. I'll give you one more chance. One more chance. Me. Me. So slow. Bob got there good. I was trying to stick it up. You get the first point there. All right. Okay. I wanted to tie it up to be tied with Bob. You could never tie with me. Bob, what's your life? My life is pretty good. The walk in 365 miles is going well. Still on pace through today. And I think I'm ahead a couple of miles. It's good. It's not getting as easier as I would have hoped, but also I'm going to start turning up the speed a little bit.

4:37Ethan Nestor:So it's going to get harder, but then it's going to get way easier really fast because that's how exercising works. I try hard like twice and then it's all easy. So I'm looking forward to it. I think that is actually how it works. Yes. Okay, soundboard Wade. Yes. I thought I had another thing. And we pass it to Wade. Ah, dang it. Almost out of there. Almost at it. Welcome, welcome, welcome back, everyone. Not going to lie. After one of the recent episodes we did, Bob was talking about some good old sausage gravy. I have convinced my family that we are getting together And they are making me some gravy And I can't wait That's great man, great I remember you talking about some sausage gravy Yeah, Bob talked about it and I was like You guys won't believe what Bob brought up on the podcast Some good old fashioned sausage gravy You guys should totally make some And invite me over You're not interested in making it?

5:30Ethan Nestor:In learning about that or participating in that? Oh no, no, no Nothing's quite like having some good old mom made food It's fun to learn new skills. It's it's pretty fun. It's pretty fulfilling, you know? Oh, you're right. No interest whatsoever Okay, man. Now we should we could but no it was actually a coincidence I'm totally lying damn it doesn't make it a lie point wait what my family was just out of the blue was like hey We're gonna make this and they invited us over. Oh, okay. So there is gravy. There is gravy. Just I didn't initiate I was just trying to you know make it look like I did it.

6:00Ethan Nestor:The pretext is a lie, but the story is true Stories true just like all stories There's a little bit of fluff a little bit of filler And a lot of gravy like all stories My stories are all 100 % True odd to don't Manifest that for me I've never exaggerated anything Ever in a story I've told on this Podcast listen Bob What is that a lie It's clearly not a lie because I Said it was true is that A lie no Ask me again Is that a lie? Is that a lie? Yes. Lie point. I continue to worry about my memory. That's the other thing. My memory is so bad. Apparently, I was talking to Pat, Intuin, and JP, who I record videos with on the YouTube channel.

6:46They were like, oh, man, this thing. Remember this big story we talked about like two weeks ago? Well, there's an update. I was like, what big story? Was I there? And they kept dropping hints as to what it was about. And I was like, zero recollection. None. Are you guys sure I was there? and then they sent like a long paragraph of retelling the whole story like oh yeah that it took retelling the entire story for me to remember them telling me the story i don't know

7:11Ethan Nestor:if that's remembering i think that's just learning but after i learned it i remembered learning it before it was like deja vu wait so it was a story that you've heard before but they didn't know that you heard it before no they knew i had i had forgotten that i heard it wasn't even a story it was like a real life event that was like a big deal like yeah remember remember this thing and I was like nope he doesn't remember I actually don't fully remember no you can't that's the bit you can't the bit can't be real no it kind of that's the thing though it kind of is like it was one of the it was one of those stories about like not picking up the hints that someone was into you is that a thing you deal with on a regular basis I guess you wouldn't know would you I hope my wife's into me with the record some of our interactions and see if someone some expert got me figured out you should covertly record some of your interactions and then post them anonymously online, then you can see what she really thinks.

8:00Ethan Nestor:And nothing else bad will come from that. Wait, I'm going to tell you this right now because this is part of it. I've written a conditional thing down. At the end of this episode, I'm going to ask you if you remember even the thing that this point is related to. You don't have to remember the story. He's not going to. But if you remember, I'll give you this point. Okay. I got this in the bag. it's weird though like i can recollect an epic rap battle of history full lyrics i can picture the whole thing that i've not heard in like five years and then something important from like a week ago gets brought up and i'm like i have no idea who that is it's like that that's your relative oh have i ever met them only your whole life like i'm exaggerating slightly but like there there have been moments where like i don't know if i'm just that spacey or if my hard drives are so full of crap that like important stuff's getting deleted but i think that's how it works the memory issues have been a little scary not gonna lie they've been a little scary simulation's breaking down we're gonna be careful boys all right i won't but you know what can you do unplug me so i could be the bald guy that wants the steak wait no you're already in can we talk about that last time i remember something that's a callback so i'm gonna remember that you have one callback but you're already in the simulation and you are the bald guy and you do love steak Can I have a steak?

9:21Yeah, actually you could order a steak right now. You could go to the grocery store and get a steak. Oh, nothing sounds good. But it's tender, juicy. I know it's not the Lord of the Rings scene with the tomatoes, but I'm reimagining that scene where he's like, I know the steak is tender, juicy.

9:40Ethan Nestor:That scene weasels its way into so many things in my life. There's anything even remotely similar to that guy eating. my brain is like you remember that scene tomatoes yeah yeah tomatoes yep tomatoes boil a mashem sticking in a paschetti anything else i didn't mean to like i was trying to think of a way like all right i get i get what you go for and it was so funny we're just gonna skip right past it i knew that they were gonna add post laughter like crowd laughter so i was just waiting for that to die down that's what that Do we do that? Do we have laugh tracks? Oh, yeah. The editors prop us up a lot.

10:22Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Distractable was filmed in front of a live studio audience. Oh, that's a lie. I could tell lies. No, I'm not going to do that. If I said all, because that's just a joke, and jokes are mostly untrue. If I was like, has to be an actual lie. A lie with intention, maybe. Well, I mean, I'm just going to say that right now, but we can codify it in the Constitution later. So if you misremember something, are you lying? Even if it's unintentional? Or are you joking? I don't think that makes remembering count as lying. A lie has to have intent, right? Yeah, a lie means that you know it's not true.

10:57Yeah, you're acknowledging truth. You're just choosing to say the opposite.

11:02Ethan Nestor:So if you're delusional, your delusions aren't lies. You're bullshitting. Even if they're untrue. Yeah. That makes me want to read some philosophy papers. Bob, you didn't get much time for small duck. Do you have anything else before we move on? I really actually don't have a whole lot new. uh did i have i told you guys james is wearing uh big boy underpants these days oh that's cool that's huge he's like he did it he's potty trained he's like a whole person now not that he wasn't a whole person before but him him standing up and just being like i gotta pee is hilarious because it just is i don't know is his grip strength growing exponentially with his size kind of he's terrifyingly strong he could probably beat me up if he caught me off guard If he got the first shot in And he caught me at the right moment He could probably take me already Just a little shoryuken right to your nuts Just How tall is he now?

11:57Ethan Nestor:Somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 inches How many feet is that? Three, three and a half Three and a half feet, something like that Careful Mark, he's catching up Come on man Goddamn Come on man Can I get a point for that? I'm gonna put on the wheel, preemptively mentioned Mark's height the most. I'm winning! Wait, is that good, or do you lose a point for that one? We don't have many minus points, so let's make that a minus. That'll be a minus. Kind of like when our heights are compared. Huh? I don't know, just laugh. No one's laughing. Editors, no, please! Take the studio out of here! Put them in Guam!

12:43This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fruit Snacks. Back to school season can be tough on parents, but choosing a snack you and your kids can both get behind doesn't have to be. Stock up on Welch's Fruit Snacks, made with whole fruit, and now made with no artificial dyes. It's a snack kids already love, and one you can feel good about giving them. Go back to school with Welch's Fruit Snacks, now made with no artificial dyes. Fall has never looked or tasted this good. Sweetgreen's fall harvest menu is back with seasonal favorites dressed to impress and made to be devoured. Warm roasted sweet potatoes, crisp apples, maple glazed Brussels, and crave worthy flavors in the autumn harvest bowl, maple glazed salmon plate, and roasted bacon Brussels side.

13:33The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app.

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14:45Who's ready for I don't know what to name this game Just call it the perfectest crime no matter what it actually is No, no, it's not that it's not that wait You got a segue point to go into this because you said something that was kind of like what the game is gonna be Oh hell yeah, what was that? You took a phrase and you changed the ending of it, right? That's kind of what this is. We're playing a mixture of hot potato with a grenade and sentence get longer. And it's funny. With a grenade? With a grenade. Okay. I have to explain this fully so that we all are on the same page. I have my random timer.

15:24It's set from 30 seconds to 90 seconds. So it'll average out to be about a minute, but it could be anywhere in there. When the timer goes off, you guys are taking turns doing the game. When the timer goes off, whoever's holding the grenade, boom, dead, gone, obliterated, destroyed. The other person gets a point. Easy, simple. I feel like we did the opposite and it worked out great for Bob. And I have a bad feeling somehow this is also going to work out great for Bob. And I'm already mad about it.

15:51Ethan Nestor:No, if we did the opposite and I did well, we're doing the opposite of that. Now you'll do well because that's the opposite. You'd think that logically, but somehow. I've got some extra structure here for this, right? So it's not going to be completely open-ended or it is going to be open-ended, but it starts with a base, right? So for example, my favorite color is blank. That'll be whoever's going first, they're prompt and they have one word for the first sentence. Now where it gets complicated is the other person then has to make that two words. And you could just string it together like blue, baby blue.

16:28But when you get to three, you have to keep going and the sentence still has to be a complete sentence with non gibberish words and no repeating words You can't do very very blue. You can't do baby baby blue

16:41Ethan Nestor:Do we have to keep what we're given and build and add to it? No, no, no. You can do whatever you want. You just need to keep adding another Yes, so you get the same beginning of it this way You don't have to continue because it wouldn't make any sense if they said blue So we only add to the end. Yeah. Yeah. You have to add to the end where the blank is. You both are adding at the same spot and you're both starting over. So when I get to, let's say Bob's going first, I would say my favorite color is, and then you would say the rest. And then I would go to Wade and he, I would say my favorite color is, or it could do it differently.

17:14And you start the sentence. You guys say it and otherwise not whatever feels out. I'll do it first. Just for the first round. We'll feel how that feels. And if you guys are comfortable, you can just like take out, take the rest of it away and say the sentence back and forth. And that way it's just you guys. And I'll just play judge, making sure no one's cheating. No one's doing illogical sentences and no one's repeating what the other person said too specifically. I'm going to be loosey goosey about that one. You can definitely build off of each other. But if you say baby blue and then like kind of baby blue, I'm going to be like your first warning.

17:46And then, you know, so the variety stays there. But I'll play it loose. Yeah, fuck the word. Kinda. Kinda is for idiots. Okay. Does this all make sense? I think it does yeah I'm gonna break all the rules but I'm excited for it I didn't mean to

17:58Ethan Nestor:sound so shocked but I think I think it does yeah no it's a it's a little complicated because there's a few more rules but I think that it should work all right head for Wade tails for Bob that's bald yeah and he goes first all right bald bald bald bald when I give you the prompt as soon as I say what the sentence is I will probably say it again just so you really get it well actually no i won't say it again because i'm going to say it again when i give it to bob and then i'll i'll say it first to be each of you this time one word then two more words after my prompt then three then four then five then six whoever is stuck on their turn by the time the timer goes off and the grenade explodes loses that's why i'm already thinking of my victory speech so i'm pretty excited about this one i'm already worried whenever he said favorite color my first thought was fish so i'm excited okay good okay good i would count that for the first but then you get a warning I would be like okay but get Fish is a color timer wasn't on That was that was outside the bounds Yeah yeah this is we're not doing favorite color That was throw away example Oh good I was prepared for it let's do something else then Were you thinking nothing but colors I was trying ah my favorite Improv game think about this sentence For five minutes and then let's make it Let's do one of those things you planned We can start with that if you want to No no no I'm having a slow brain day It'll be much funnier if I don't know the prompt So, Wade, your prompt.

19:24Give me liberty or give me... All right. Give me liberty or give me... Do I not start now? No, I just thought you were just going to say... You said all right like that was the answer. Oh, no, no. All right, so give me liberty or give me all right. All right, Bob. I thought we had to say the whole thing.

19:46Ethan Nestor:Give me liberty or give me all right. Wait. Oh, wait, we're not supposed to do that. I remember. Right, right. I messed up. This will be a warm-up round. Yeah. Wade. Give me liberty or give me the death penalty. Bob. Give me liberty or give me three golden cat babies. I think you got it. Oh, yeah. Victor's speech coming in hot. All right. Okay. I knew we needed a test around. We're going to wash our hands of that one. what i'm gonna do to help you out instead of just going bob i'm gonna say the sentence and then all you need to worry about is saying the last words so i'll be your mad lib book you are the just the blank and we'll try that and feel that out okay yeah we don't get to set the pace mark sets the pace we just have to keep going all right very explicitly not supposed to build off of each other I'll learn Your instincts are so strong Hey, I'm not gonna stop you if you do If it makes sense, go for it, man But at the end of the day, so long as a sentence makes sense That's all we're going for I think we're just used to that style where we build off of each other Nah, this is new, this is fresh We just have to adapt Wait, I'm gonna let you go first again There were no points awarded in that last one Alright Dear Penthouse Forum Hi Bob, dear Penthouse Forum I fucked Wade dear penthouse forum What up dog Bob dear penthouse forum She finally said yes That's great Wade dear penthouse forum I really thought I could Dear penthouse forum Bob Sometimes I wonder why she left Sometimes I wonder why she left Yes Wade dear penthouse forum I couldn't get it in there right That was good.

21:41Ethan Nestor:Dear Penthouse Forum. I had sex with a really hot lady. Dear Penthouse Forum. I don't even know why I'm writing. Oh, that's only eight. That was only eight. I don't even know why I'm writing. Yeah, you need nine. I do not even know why I am writing. You know what I'm saying? I think you - wait, let's do a check. I do not even know why I am writing. You did it You chucked the grenade at Bob at the last second Alright Wade Congratulations you got deer penthouse Forum point I'm better with words than I am at counting I've learned I'm cool with reading the prompts to you I like you guys just focusing on just The sentences because it makes it easier to count Yeah I think it's fine like that So I'll just keep doing that Bob are you ready Oh Canada Our country oh Canada our hot mama oh Canada our and native land oh Canada our big spoon little spoon what what hey look if you I'm gonna take our and native land I'm gonna take big spoon little all right all right all right oh Canada our place with lots of bears.

23:10Oh, Canada, our place that's way too big, I... Dragon.

23:21Say that again. Just turn it into an A and you've got it. Instead of I. Yeah, A-Y-E, I. Hurry, say it! I, A.

23:32Ethan Nestor:Say that's the whole thing! Wait! Oh! No, don't. Take your time. The place that's too big for A. What the fuck? He doesn't remember what he said. Blubbing guam. You don't remember what you just said. No, that's the problem. I don't remember. We've been over this. I think I was at a distinct advantage when Wade had to remember words previously. I'm sorry, moving on to A. Yeah, you were very close. if you had said a instead of I I would have I would have given that to you so damn the vowels that was very good wait your sentence is everybody loves when I dance Bob everyone loves when I get down wait everyone loves when I have bald head everyone loves when I pull up my pants everyone loves when i smooch twice then run away everyone loves when i bring ice cream to the party yes that's good wait everyone loves when i break it down philosophically at the house wait break it down philosophically at the house yes yes uh bob everyone loves when i Get lost, but then remember where I'm going.

24:57Good. Wade, everyone loves when I... Totally don't know where I am or what doing. I'll let that slide, but you're on thin ice.

25:07Ethan Nestor:Bob, everyone loves when I... Go to Africa, then play that song by Toto. Toto, go to Africa, then play that song by Toto. Oh, Toto's one word. Toto band. I gave Wade one, I'll give you one. Wade, everyone loves when I don't know what to say anymore because I thought Bob lost. I think you got it. Don't know what to say anymore because I thought Bob lost. 11. He was doing 11. Oh, no. You got it. Wait, did I do nine, though? You did 10. You started with nine and you needed one more for 10. That was clutch, Wade. That point goes to you. Oh, I didn't even count the words. That just came out of my mouth and happened to work.