Reverse Charades

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1:35This episode. Bubbly Bob gets burnt balancing his pool, then starts a pantomime party. Merrily married, Mark. Plans his honeymoon, gets hot and wet in Iceland. Crashes Wade and deftly describes. Wardrobe wonder Wade gets sore, considers a sartorial upgrade, and gives impossibly vague descriptions. from statistically snuffing it to having a huge O. Yes! It's time for Reverse Charades. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to your mom's favorite podcast. Yeah, I've probably used that one before. Who cares? This is distractible and I'm allowed to reuse ideas.

2:28That's what we do here. My name's Bob and I'm the host because I won the last one. Oh, I'm fine. No, they'll cut that out. I'm sure I won the last one because I'm so smart and good at not dying on camera. I'm joined today as always by the two competitors in this episode. They will be competing to see who wins and gets to host the next one. That's the whole thing. Yeah, that's what we do. My competitors are, as always, Mark and Wade Not always, sometimes I've been known to host Pleasure to be here, Robert, thanks for having me That was very serious, did someone die? Probably, I think statistically the answer to that's yes Well that's not good And again, just now Okay, calm down Welcome back to another episode of Distractable If you're here, you know what's gonna happen Unless you're new In which case God, I hope you're watching the video God, you better be watching You know how we feel about listeners.

3:23But yeah, I have a game prepared for today and it's gonna be really funny just like they always are. We never miss here. But before we get into the definitely funny game, how you doing guys? How's it going? By the time this has come out, I will have honeymooned. I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen ahead of time. Holy shit, this is all planned out. Mark, some of this could stay secret, it's okay. You don't have to vlog everything. Here's an hour by hour breakdown of exactly how this adventure is going to go down. Hour is pretty generous, but all right. Minute by minute. That's pretty generous, but all right.

4:00A by hour by by hour. Semi hour by semi hour. That's pretty generous, but all right. First, I arrive. Where? I don't know. Let me tell you a story that has nothing to do with this and is relating to something that happened in the past. I arrived in Iceland and when I when we were landing I had read over the itinerary right we were going on a little vacation package so this is going to relate to this somehow you'll see it'll all tie back together you got some leniency but get you better get to the point counselor I looked at the itinerary and I was like oh we're going to the blue lagoon resort right or hotel or something like that I don't know I said blue lagoon just a lagoon and I was like Iceland yeah they got weird names over there uh it's probably just a funny hotel you know iceland with their funny names and all that stuff and silly words and the way they eat they eat their horses it's funny uh-huh i see all over there's like advertisements on the plane little screen that's like the blue lagoon you know icelandic yeah icelandic yeah the famous icelandic accent yeah yeah the blue lagoon and i'm like wait why is everyone swimming in the blue lagoon and i'm like well that's weird everyone's swimming because we're arriving at 6 a.m right so i'm like whoa i'm gonna be tired i'm gonna be ready to take a nap go this hotel maybe lay down for a bit uh relax and then amy leans over to me is like all right you pack swim trunks right i'm like why would i need swim trunks in a Like a Bond villain hideout is where you just swim to the hotel under the lagoon.

5:38And so I basically started, I leaned over to the person in the scene next to us and I asked, what's the blue lagoon? And they looked at me like I was crazy. They kind of chuckled themselves. And they didn't answer, right? So now they only spoke Icelandic. You had to, what is the blue lagoon? What is a blue lagoon? Yeah, you didn't say it right. and then i ask amy like hey what's the what's the blue lagoon and she's like how can you not know what the blue lagoon is i it was on the itinerary we're going there first do you have your swim trunks and i'm like what's the blue lagoon so the blue lagoon i don't even know if that's the name of the blue lagoon iceland it is now it is a is a very large uh world-renowned geothermal spa in Iceland.

6:30So by asking around or trying to anyway, Amy was extremely embarrassed by me asking what the most famous geothermal spa in Iceland was. Might as well just ask, what's Iceland? But she didn't tell me the entire time we were walking through the airports. There's big wall billboards of come to the blue lagoon. And I'm like, I don't know what it is. Why won't anyone tell me? No one will tell me. And literally, Amy was like, I'm not telling you. I am not going to tell you. You should have read the itinerary. And I'm like, I did, I swear. So she refused to tell me until I got outside. And then we had a local guy drive us to the Blue Lagoon.

7:12And I was not allowed to ask him what it was. Amy forbade me from asking. It's a big two thermal pool. It's very nice. Sounds fun. Yeah, it was pretty nice. So I'm not going to read the itinerary for what's coming in Norway, but I assume that there's some kind of lagoon over there. You really learned your lesson. I'm going to know even less this time, so I won't be confused. You're just sitting on the plane in swim trunks and like arm floaties looking at Amy like, what's the lagoon? What color's the lagoon? Tell me about the lagoon. You've got your mountain climbing gear. Is that your parachute backpack or your regular backpack?

7:51So yeah, I got that That's going to be the entire crux of the Honeymoon And that's all that's going to happen Just every day, every activity Amy is like, oh, you better get dressed And you start pulling out your like Polar ski outfit Or swim, you're like gauging Amy's reaction like Tuxedo, not tuxedo Nope, didn't like that Oh, what do we do? I'm packed for every occasion because I have no idea What the occasions are And then I just laugh it off when she gives me the look. And I'm just like, that was a joke. Remember when I didn't know what the Blue Lagoon was? She puts on like a hazmat suit and you're like, the one thing I didn't pack.

8:34That's when you put on your tuxedo and go out with style. Anyway, so yeah, I will have a honeymoon and it will be great, I think. I hope it will be was a good time. It will was. It will was. You will have done it. or you had already have done it. Wade, what honeymoon mystery are you experiencing in this past week have had you? You know, I don't have any alcohol down here, so I'm just going to take a sip of water, but pretend. Been a week, Bob. Been a week. Oh, okay. There it is. Yeah. Didn't get to play Slay the Spy with you guys at all this week, and I actually ate pretty well. I'm sore. You know, the people who tell you that you only get sore for like two days after exercising are liars.

9:20I played basketball on Monday. We got together Tuesday, right? I was like, I'm a little sore for playing basketball. Yeah, we already talked about this this week. I'm still fucking sore. My arm still hurt. That's been four days ago. But still been moving around, trying to get some exercise in. But like my legs are fine because I've been walking, but did not play more basketball since Monday. So tomorrow, whenever I finally stop crying, go shoot some big old hoops. I put on a sleeveless shirt to play. And it's one that I had when I was like, The style when we were in high school was like baggy clothes.

9:49So I had this baggy basketball shirt. I put it on. And I've got like beer belly hanging out. Every time I jump, my belly falls out of the bottom. And the shirt like sits on top. And my nephew's looking at me like, Oh man, you really sure you want to play that? Wear that in front of your neighbors? And you know, birds and stuff. People and animals are watching. Birds are going to laugh at you a lot. I think they did. So it might be time to upgrade my wardrobe a little bit. I've learned you are allowed to buy new clothes I mean honestly good on you for making clothes last because that is you know fast fashion has its downsides and it's you know you don't you don't need to be going burning through clothes but since high school I think you're allowed to oh yeah I think you're allowed to have bought some shirts since then not saying we're old but I think we're all feeling that we're kind of old older than half my life ago some of these shirts I still wear yeah like junior I still have a couple of sleeveless shirts from junior high that I'm like ah my lucky sleeveless shirt.

10:46I put it on twice a year. The logo, it was like a UC Bearcat shirt, but all of the logo is gone. So now it's just like a blank red shirt with like one little black splotch where there was once a Paul, you know, you buy more shirts, but I know what shirt it is. I know what the logo used to look like. You could buy UC shirts at gas stations in Cincinnati. It's not hard. I want UC to call me and let me go and talk to their like streaming podcasting classes. I know they've got them. They have that. We just took my niece to Georgia State. They had a whole building that was like technology and something.

11:18I should probably know what the building was called. But like, yeah, we have this big podcasting room and there's like different classes where they're like they teach podcasting. What do they? I just want to be a fly on the wall. You could really benefit from that. I could use a lot of help. Yeah. Do they let seniors audit classes, you know, like a keep active sort of thing? I'm your age. Oh, I was thinking seniors like college. I was like, well, yeah. No, he met grandparents. Senior citizens. There's like, you know, there's those elder education programs where it's like, hey, you want to do something fun?

11:52Come take some classes. I grade and I bottled. I bottled? I grade and bottled early, but I'm still young. Man, that really rewrites some of our most iconic bits. I just can't get out of my head now. You just going, I'm bottled. I keep getting recommended our shorts lately. I keep watching them. They're all pretty good. We have funny moments. I didn't know we were funny. Yeah, occasionally. Sometimes. If only we had our clips game on. That's a bad way to say it. Our highlight real goodness posting, you know? If we did that good, think of where we would be. A little bit further ahead? Yeah, or something like that.

12:36Yeah. A little bit louder now. I really liked being at college, and there was a time where I thought I was going to go to like being a college professor of philosophy till all my philosophy professors like pulled out a cigarette out of no and they're like, don't do it. You don't want to be like us. Do something or anything else. I was like, all right. And they all smoke like this. That's how philosophy professors smoke. It's part of the rules. I puff, therefore I am. That's how they flick. I don't know. I never smoked. Yeah, that's how cool people flick cigarettes. I don't know. I think that'd be fun.

13:04It'd be fun to go just be a guest or be a fly on the wall or even just not to get a degree, but just to go like sit in some of these classes and see what they're teaching because like i'm fascinated to know how do you have a whole class on doing something that i think we're pretty i shouldn't say we're i'm pretty stupid and somehow it's worked out but like what am i supposed to be doing to get here i don't know no man probably exactly everything we did on the way here i know a couple of our friends have gotten to go and be like guest speakers at colleges and high schools and i'm like i want to no one because it's like wanting to be a juror i've never got to be a juror they never called me for that either it's like the things i want to do no one ever calls before i'm not gonna call the college be like please let me come teach you i'm begging you do you have a business email with which they could somehow yeah i never checked that okay all right then well all you university people who are typing up that email throw it in the trash it's not gonna be seen i get the alumni emails where they ask me for money and do you give money do you give money no i hate those kids maybe that's maybe that's how you get into the classroom is you need to give them the money first and then they'll let you teach.

14:10I want to teach your class. Here's money. Is that how you become a teacher? I guess I become a teacher. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how it works. I don't know what my small talk was, but that was it. I wrote down points. Great. I know I'm the host, so my small talk really doesn't matter and I'm not important. But get ready for a lot more of this. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm real crispy. Today was the official opening day of our pool. This is the first time since we moved six plus months ago where the pool was open. The chemicals were balanced, which I've been battling with for like a week and a half.

14:44It's been really fucking annoying. And we did it. And we swam in the pool like all day today. And so I'm pretty red and crispy. And I'm definitely going to be kind of sunburny for the whole summer. I'm used to pools that open until like May or June. So it's wild that you guys are like able to swim and stuff. yeah i mean it was it was not like hot today but it was warm enough and sunny and with and the pool is heated so if you were in the water it was great and as soon as you got out it was kind of like ah let's go inside you probably like cool water see i'm i like bath water i mean it's heat it's a heated pool it's warm pool's heated to like i don't know 80 some degrees 84 degrees or something it's pretty warm see i'm the guy that went to florida in july and the pool that's been sitting in the sun baking could basically boil a lobster hop and i'm like oh that's great i go to the ocean I'm like that's a little chilly even though like Well the ocean is cold the ocean is I'm talking about like the gulf In summer where it's not cold it's still cold Natural water is always Cold it's so cold I think I think Jinx You can have it though because you're the host anyway I'm definitely going to show up to some episodes over the course Of the summer and be Catastrophically sunburnt so You'll have that to look forward to it's probably going to Be pretty funny it's a big pool right We could fit a pontoon or something in there so we do a boat episode?

15:56No, we're doing a boat episode in the pool. We have to. Okay, cool. It's big enough to fit very funny things. Carnival or one of the cruises will sponsor us and they're going to put a cruise ship in your pool. What was that private yacht collection we read commercials for? Can we get a private yacht in my pool? Oh yeah, that was the hotel, the famous hotel, but they have a yacht club. Wait, when the hell did you guys read a... You guys read... Did you guys get a sponsorship that I wasn't there for? No, no, we talked about this. You were there. What kind of luxury thing did you go on? What do you mean?

16:25we talked about this i don't remember it we did a ritz carlton yacht club read the three of us did it because i remember talking about it we did a ritz carlton ad read it was the ritz carlton private yacht collection something something and i'm not gonna say it was during the part of the final final stretch of movie production where you were absolutely killing yourself working 20 hours a day fitting podcasts in whenever you could around the clock but you might not remember it for a reason oh did you guys get yachts and i didn't i wish i literally sent a couple emails and was like hey i know we get samples sometimes i would take a sample of a yacht i don't know how you get yacht samples but uh just send the money i learned from watching that oprah car giveaway that the people that won the car still had to pay taxes and stuff on them i don't know if i want to pay taxes on a free yacht.

17:23It's why modern car giveaways. There's always like win a 2026 Chevy Corvette and$25 ,000. You don't get to keep the money. That's to cover the taxes on the car. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't know. What's the tax on a yacht? Probably high. Well, don't rich people not pay taxes or probably no tax on a yacht. It's probably a tax exempt. So if they give you the yacht, you become rich. You don't pay taxes anymore. It's a yacht for educational purposes. So there's no taxes to learn about how yachts are. Yaducate? That's stupid I'm not gonna finish that word Wait, I don't even know where you were going I was trying to combine yacht and education But it didn't, yeah, education It was just education with a yeah It was stupid, it was stupid That's why I said it was stupid, I didn't want to move on I want to move on Edukation That's better than yeah, education Yaducation Yadzication Edukacia That was too, that was something I didn't like it, it was off-putting Sorry.

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18:54you guys want to play a game you don't have a choice because i'm the host and that's what we do here but it's real easy you guys familiar with charades there's no way what this is a quick aside last night apparently i like woke up last night and i had a moment where i was like man i've I got this great idea for a podcast episode. I typed myself a note to remember today, and all I typed on the note... Pictionary podcast. That's literally all I wrote, and I woke up today and I was like, the fuck does I... What was the idea? I stole your idea, and also, this could not have less to do with Pictionary.

19:35You know charades. One person draws a card, they get a thing, they have to act it out, and other people have to guess what it is. We're not doing that. I like to call this reverse charades. One person is going to be given the card. They're going to be easy. That person has to tell the other person what to do. And the person acting out whatever it is has to guess what the word is that they're acting out. I love it. All right. This is great. Okay. It's reverse or inverse charades. I don't know. It's different charades. So we're going to go back and forth and I'm going to flip a coin to see who gets to go first Getting some more space for this so that I know that there's going to be a lot of physicality here This is I'm trying to keep it to where like you can stay at your desk but like you can get crazy with it You guys are allowed to escalate this to wherever it wants to go I'm not going to limit you Should I limber up?

20:31I think that's entirely on Wade's hands at this point I don't know This is my limbering That's the maximum limbering I can do You look so limber Lady is Wade Lion is Mark I definitely need to stretch because I just told you I'm still sore as hell. All right. The lady goes first. That means I'm going to give I'm going to send you a word in our secret private chat, Wade, and that's your word. There's going to be a timer on this, right? So you get good. OK, I didn't explain all the rules. It's very not convoluted. It's all is fine. There's going to be a timer and way that you get a point. If Mark successfully guesses it and Mark gets a point, if I successfully guess it before he says it.

21:14I'm going to write my guesses down in my notes. So shouldn't he just never guess it? No, you have to participate. We don't do that. Come on now. Come on, everyone's participating. Do I need to structure it in a way where you're forced to participate? Otherwise, you suffer. No, I will because I just want to be able to guess it. What is it, the first year of the podcast? I don't know. What year we are. Every game, every episode was like, I'm suspicious about something. Something ain't right. Something, I'm not doing it. That's true. That's so true. Ever since, was it secret words that really broke us as friends?

21:50Yeah, yeah, yeah, it did. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. I'm setting the timer at three minutes. Wade, I'm going to send you your word. I was going to say, I haven't seen the word yet, but okay, you haven't sent it. That's good. Fine, calm down. I'm going to set the timer at five minutes. We'll see how that plays. I'm going to send Wade the word and then start the timer. It's a good thing Mark's limber. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. Go. I almost just sent it to the wrong person. It's fine. Oh, okay. Mark, I need you to, with your two hands, put them together like at the wrist. No, no, no. Like hands facing out.

22:27Like you're waving with both hands, but you're touching at the wrist. But at the wrist? Yeah, then spread your hands out and hide your thumbs. Hide my thumbs. Hide your thumbs. It's just the eight other fingers. And then I want you to kind of wiggle them and start high. High? And you're going to see an enemy. See an enemy. That's not it. That's not it. Keep going. Pretend you have them dropping down from something. Like a... What? That's just a... pretend I have them dropping down from something, eh? This is the craziest way you could have done this. I know, man. I'm much better at the acting than I am at the describing.

23:13We know this about me. All right, continue. Continue. Three minutes, 50 seconds. Continue. Okay, pretend I have them dropping down like it's - Kind of like wiggle them around and make like a snowflake pattern. How? What? How? Not with your fingers. Not with your fingers. That was what? The hands together. You're going to drop down and kind of like move in like a diamond shape. Move them together. No, no, no. Wrist together. No, yep. Keep going. Perfect. Perfect. Yep. Move them down. I'm moving for all the listeners. My hands are doing nothing what he's saying. Never mind. You know what? We're going to start over.

23:55I got a better idea. I got a better idea. Walk like you're kind of just strutting your stuff. Okay? You're going to strut your stuff. You're walking around. and all of a sudden stop and look very Bob I hate this fucking game am I doing it I'm perplexed as hell I want to jump in and do this so badly because you're so close to doing it right you're walking and then you're going to come to a sudden stop and start reaching at your face and start picking something off and kind of like flinging it away throwing it spit a little you're disgusted I walked into a spider nest Oh Spider web I'm so good at this Spider web What the fuck is this I was trying to get you to make a web As a spider He was trying to get you to make a spider With your head Why was I wiggling That was the craziest shit you could have possibly done I'm crazy Alright watch me I mean yeah listen to me and i'll watch you debate got there didn't we also bob i feel like the guessing for you is gonna be really no you know what i once i said it out loud i heard it because i'm telling you what the word is so i just gave mark the point immediately because i was right it was spider web okay good that's right i write some of these ideas down at three in the morning when i can't sleep and i'm not gonna lie me too i didn't think that one all the way through until i It's fine.

25:28I'm not. So we're not going to do that. It's fine. But Mark was a very good sport. And Mark did a very good job guessing. And I'm going to give Mark five minutes on this next one. But I think we're going to turn the time down on the next round. Because you finished that with like two and a half minutes. And you did just an awful job, Wade. Oh. Couldn't have been very much worse to start off on that one. Anyway, Mark, you ready? Yes. Go. Oh, I have no way. It's in the chat. Okay. Okay. Wade. go to the left side of frame my left or your left either left doesn't matter you gotta go to the frame okay now there's a fence in the middle of your camera right okay so you're gonna go and you're gonna jump over it and then do it again well okay I mean yeah go back to the beginning and then you know just hop hop alright whatever okay I'm hopping No, over the fence, the fence, just get repetitious action, repetitious action.

26:33Hopscotch, uh... Yeah, but more, more gently and, you know, do it softer. Softly jump over the fence. Okay, all right, now, now, sit back down, and you're watching that happen in front of you. You're watching it, you're, head, head track it with your head. Uh-huh. Okay, all right. It's a whole bunch of them. They're not hopping back and forth. They're not you got that in your mind Counting sheep. Oh, I'm gonna count that It's just sheep. Oh, okay. So I don't know how would you other than go bad like a sheep? Well, isn't that just the bitch of it, man I'm glad I was like, okay, that's a bunny. It's hopscotch.

27:21It's jumping jacks. It's the horses It was an obtuse way to go. It's the only thing I thought of. That's what I thought with the dangling spider, but, you know, it didn't work out for me. All right, since we're doing so well. Oh, no. I'm going to keep it easy. This is going to be fun. We're going to do three minutes, and Wade, you have your word. Ready, set, go. Okay. Mark, you're... You have to stay on camera, but you're laying down. Okay? Stop! We need those. He can't hear you right now. That would help if he could hear me. Cross one arm over your left shoulder, your left arm over to your right shoulder.

28:02Yeah, cross your arms like that. Okay, eyes closed. And now all of a sudden, burst your eyes awake and take like a big breath. I'm a mummy? Vampire? Not in the living head. Okay, let's go back to eyes closed, mouth closed, and shake your body like you're getting electric jolts. And then have your eyes and mouth open. I'm a vampire. I'm I'm a mummy. What the fuck else? Okay, the electric jolts are stemming from your chest. I'm a patient and cardiac arrest I'm in the rescue position or whatever this is I'm about to go down a water slide and they're cattle prodding me to go down because I refuse To make the jump and I passed out at the top.

28:46Okay, uh Maybe these are like short easy one word things right like one or two words minute 30 okay go back to eyes closed okay mouth closed let's drop our arms to our side and now you're going to feel have your chest kind of like it's being pushed and then open your mouth a little bit and imagine someone pinching your nose and blowing into your mouth I'm a CPR patient wait I'm an airbag I'm a I'm a balloon uh okay got it got it let's go a different direction real quick um move around move around like your whole body's made of wood now uh when you talk pretend your nose grows in nokio but all of a sudden you're no longer made of wood i'm a real i'm a real boy just find some parallel between these things 25 seconds Uh homunculus

29:58Eyes closed mouth closed arms at side You right now you're 3 I am dead But when you open your eyes Oh He said undead Yeah we were close You were close Wade he did really good you just needed to like What was the word? It was alive. He got you right to like, you were dead. Well, okay. The thing is, I've got to give him actions, right? Yeah, but like, no, I see it now. I see it kind of, I don't get the wooden plank thing. Well, I was trying to be your Pinocchio and now you're alive. You're a real boy. You're alive. You're not just. I was panicking with 30 seconds to find another alive parallel. Okay.

30:43All right. I got you. That's my bad. That's my bad. Yeah, I got the vampire like coming back. You were undead rather than alive. So I was like, okay, we got to get away from that. Let's go with like CPR or the paddles or something. I was trying to bring you back to life. I get it now. I get it now. I feel like you just kept giving up right when Mark was on the precipice and being like, let's try something else completely. Well, I felt like I was only allowed to give him actions as clues. I couldn't just be like synonym for like, I couldn't do that. So it was like, what's another action I can do to come back to life?

31:14No, I appreciate sticking to the rules at least I didn't switch to the birth canal I was gonna go there that route, but that would have got me right there. I didn't have time I was like, okay, you hear sperm you hit an egg. All right, you're popping out your baby Oh, well then we got to define exactly what people are debating whether you are