Squid Game (Even Too-er)

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16:17Mark Fischbach:This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door, because Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. Dude, them or the FBI? I'm not 100%. Sure. Yep. When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will, we're on our way. Uber, on our way. Download the app today.

16:50Ethan Nestor:Anyway, I have a game. Let's play a game. This is good. This is kind of... I won't say it's collaborative, but it's almost collaborative. But not really, because there's still a winner and a loser. Have you guys seen Squid Game? No. I've seen the first season. Okay, first season is enough. Wait, I'll fill you in. So there's a whole flock of squids and they live in the ocean and no. Okay. So squid game, the premise is they recruit. There's this society of a spoiler alert, I guess. I don't know if this is old at this point. There's a society of like hyper wealthy individuals who basically recruit a bunch of people who are in financial dire straits into a tournament where they play games and losers are killed.

17:31Ethan Nestor:and the one surviving winner wins a fuck jillion dollars and all of their problems are solved the games that they play are versions of like childhood games so they play like red light green light they play um this apparently this is a game in korea where there's like shapes made into these little sugar candies and you're supposed to cut the shape out of the it's like a circular candy but it'll have like a star stamped in it or like some kind of shape. Okay. And you're supposed to get the shape without breaking the shape out of the whole thing. It's like little kids games, right? They play marbles, they play tug of war, stuff like this.

18:09Ethan Nestor:I am in charge of throwing the next Squid Games bash, but I want to spice it up. And I want you two to pitch me what games from your childhood or our collective childhood would we make the squid games games and i just kind of want i'm just gonna go back and forth and i'm we're gonna see who comes up with what so i don't know how many games you guys remember from like recess elementary school or if you had any favorites or whatever but i just kind of want to talk about it games we played in our childhood in the context of how are they deadly squid game style elimination murder games uh heads is weight tails is mark one ease is gonna go first and then we're just gonna go back and forth and uh and you're gonna pitch me okay got it yeah that is heads because the lady is heads i don't remember whose heads was i don't either wade was heads

19:06Mark Fischbach:that's right bald head heads my first proposal is chutes and ladders or snakes and ladders or whatever version of that you want to have sure so without knowing the content this leads to like

19:19Ethan Nestor:people's deaths and stuff right yeah if you the way these games work is uh there were multiple rounds but if you lose a game you die is supposed to be the premise so like if you get caught in red light green light moving on a red light bullet to the head okay so the way this is set up is kind

19:34Mark Fischbach:of like an obstacle course whatever to look like chutes and ladders we get to like run around climb the ladders but each like section is blocked off and you have to like jump on a device that rolls a big dice that tells you how many ahead you get to go and if you get to a point where you go down the chute it's death and if somebody gets to the end does everyone else die like one person gets

19:58Ethan Nestor:in and everyone else dies or so each game doesn't have to result in one single winner but the point is to narrow it down from hundreds of people down to one winner okay so kind of like fall guys where

20:07Mark Fischbach:you have like 13 out of 20 okay so you have like that kind of number okay so shoots and ladders

20:13Ethan Nestor:don't go down the chute but it's not like you're just playing the board game it's like some sort

20:17Mark Fischbach:of real life oh it's an obstacle course where you're running you have to like jump to see how far you get to go with the dice roll how many doors open for you did you play that when you were a kid the board game yeah not the one that involved death did you play murder shoots and ladders when you were a kid well clearly i was the winner and all it cost was my whole family

20:38Ethan Nestor:Dude no wonder Monopoly gets so heated shit

20:41Mark Fischbach:I'm bankrupt sorry grandma

20:43Ethan Nestor:I think your shotgun sounds like a kiss I appreciate the

20:48Mark Fischbach:Sorry grandma The kiss of death Alright I got one Go for it Jump rope right I had that one in mind So it's both you have other players That have to It's traditional like schoolyard jump rope Where you have other players that are swinging it and then you have to jump in the middle there and do your dance and sing the whatever and then you have to get out without touching the rope the rope is obviously some kind of laser like from kingsman where he had the width that was just like somehow electrically cut things sure like a lightsaber but controllable but this one's always on it's like lightsaber will cut you to shreds so obviously if you get hit your foot gets cut off and you kind of fall and you get sliced to ribbons

21:33Ethan Nestor:and all the other players like and you have to jump into the gore to continue playing exactly so it gets slippery and you know well maybe a little cleanup but so you're saying that the the people spinning the ropes are also players so they have a stake in the game or so the way i've seen some extreme games go is like they're rotating out from who's holding it so you not only have to do this you know sometimes you get two sometimes it's one and then they can rotate out who's holding it and they kind of switch out and to do the stance but let's just assume for the sake of balance in this one it's the guards doing the swinging or else they could you know make it not fair or it's a robot or something that gets faster the big robot thing jump rope robot i like that just so it's consistent right there's the red light green light robot in the original squid in the first season of squid game so like i could see that it could be the same robot you just get an arm on it and then she could say the the creepy stuff she says i like that i would be awful at that yeah i would not be good either ignoring how out of shape i am i couldn't even jump rope when i was at my best physical peak of performance i don't understand how it works it's like wizard shit i accept it wade musical chairs do they have to do you have to kill people to take the chairs or how do they die what part of that is deadly i think like there's some kind of safety device

22:54Mark Fischbach:that comes down so like if you get in the chair in time like the moment you sit something closes really quickly so someone goes to try to grab you out they're likely gonna have like a limb severed or something so maybe maybe they pull you out and hurt you but like ultimately you or whatever is left of you when that device comes down is safe and if you're not safe incinerator or something

23:13Ethan Nestor:horrible happens man i was thinking i couldn't remember a lot of games from my childhood that would be good for this but you guys are all over it i think those are all winners so far Yes And like musical chairs could be funny Because you could play songs That are like ironic Because the people are all killing each other for money You know could be like What's that money money money money Money Yeah Stuff like that very funny Mark hit me Dodgeball so it's dodgeball With explosive Balls right So it's keyed up Somehow to only explode when it hits the enemy. Okay, no, I got it. Because you have to have all the rules of dodgeball.

23:59So if it bounces off you and it flies in the air and someone catches it, it's still a save. And if you catch it, it's somehow to reassemble the exploded person that died in your team to bring them back in, right?

24:12Ethan Nestor:No, I think the way around that is you have a line of people waiting to get into the game. And if someone dies, we don't undie them. Someone else comes in. That's right. A new person comes until you're out of new people or your whole team loses. This is great. This is great. Yeah. So it's somehow explosive, but only after being thrown and only if it hits the ground after it hits you or something like that. Maybe it's just on contact. I think it might be a little unrealistic to be able to. No, no, I think we could. What I'm what I'm seeing is you inject a small explosive into the base of everyone's neck.

24:48Ethan Nestor:and then you have a series of referees watching and as long as the referees confer they're watching the action they're like that player is out and they get you get confirmation and then they just go boop there's a flag on the play we're gonna review the call to see if it's valid

25:07Ethan Nestor:number 133 might be dead we're gonna review the play you stand over there in the box until we come to they're just saying they're like uh uh well wait a minute no i like that that we can make that work we have all the money in the world basically so the technology you don't have to worry about too much as long as the rules make sense i feel like that makes sense is it do we split the whole group into two teams then is it just like one half versus one half or is there multiple i think it's like the the tug of war thing where there's multiple teams there's like groups yeah Yeah, yeah, I think so.

25:41It depends on where in the competition it is. I'm going to run out of slots here. Wait, do you have another one?

25:46Mark Fischbach:Yeah, it's a little bit of a work in progress here, but it's collaborative, right? So work with me here. Hopscotch. So Hopscotch is the game where you draw like squares on the ground. It's like one square or two squares and you throw something. It lands on one of the squares. I think you have to like, you know, one foot hop on the single square, put one foot in the two, one, whatever the thing is. I think you have to skip the square you threw the thing in and like turn around, come back, pick it up and finish hopping. So imagine like a more like hardcore version of hopscotch where you have to do the hopping and whatnot, but there's like things in the way and hurdles and then you have to throw your whatever, skip that square.

26:22Mark Fischbach:And as time goes on and people are like weeded out, the last however many left get to live. But if you miss your square or trip over one of the obstacles, not going to go well, like pressure plates or something. I like it. Also, I got to be honest, I actually confused hopscotch and tic-tac-toe from it name-wise and I was like yeah tic-tac-toe that game where you hop wait a minute hopscotch they have to go down and come back right you have to go down and come back and there's something about throwing a rock there's something about yeah the rock throwing there's there's more to it than I I remember I think there was being yeah I never actually did hops I saw people play hopscotch but I never actually did it

26:58Ethan Nestor:I never did it correctly I always just goofed around in the hopscotch area I feel like that works. I'm not like in love with that one. That's like a bubble one. I'm going to give you a provisional point, which I'm going to say for wheel purposes counts as a lie point.

27:13Mark Fischbach:I'll take it. I'll take it.

27:15Ethan Nestor:Mark, wow me. You've been killing it way better than Wade so far. Thank you. Life sized dipping into board games, life sized battleship, right? So it's the two teams. They can't see each other. You have one person that's calling the shots and everyone else is like strung together on a boat. right a boat and so they have to position themselves and it's real missiles coming in short range explosions and it's enough that if you're in a chain of three then the middle guy gets missiled blood but you're still there you're still and it's on the water too so you're actually floating you got little lifesavers that's what the boats are they're chained together lifesavers and you're just like or maybe it's sharks underneath the water and they come and grab you Ooh, drama I think the sharks are the backup I think if someone tries to escape Or if someone is a coward And tries to move because they think they're about to get hit Then that's when the sharks come in I like the sharks though Because you have to think about the presentation We're trying to entertain a room full of the hyper wealthy here They've seen it all Trained sharks would be quite the thing I like that I honestly think that's pretty much a full slate That's all the squid games So we have our own squid games This next part, I just want to go through these What we've picked out I want us to decide between the three of us Which one of you two we think would win And we'll have to just pick the winner of the Squid Games Which doesn't mean you're the winner of the episode But it just means you would win the Squid Games I like those games a lot, I'm impressed And this first one, I might say is a coin flip I'm not sure Chutes and Ladders It's kind of random, right?

28:53Ethan Nestor:It's not really skill Yeah, I'm pretty sure Is that one kind of a coin flip? I would say if you're playing the right way it is. Alright, well I'm just gonna do a coin flip for it. Heads is Wade, tails is Mark. That is another lady of heads. Well, Wade suggested shoots and ladders and Wade wins shoots and ladders. I love luck when it's on my side.

29:16Mark Fischbach:And it's over here right now. Isn't that right, Luck?

29:19Ethan Nestor:Jump rope. I'm glad I'm not competing because I would definitely lose between the three of us, but it's between you guys. Mark, you were, uh, I don't know if it was this one. No, it was a recent episode. You were talking about how you want to get back in shape and work out more. So I don't know how you feel about your current. But, Wade, I feel like you moan a lot about not being in shape. You recently hurt your back. You got knee problems.

29:43Mark Fischbach:I will say when I was in shape, jumping was a thing I loved to do. I used to practice jumping because I wanted to dunk so badly that I would just sit there and jump, slap the backboard, jump, slap the backboard. So like I did a lot of jump rope like things in order to get to the point where I could dunk a basketball. I don't know how well I'd handle it now, but jumping was actually the one thing I didn't mind doing.

30:04Ethan Nestor:That's true. You, you did play a jump focus sport. I don't know, Mark. I honestly, I know you guys pretty well. I feel like I have no sense of how good you are at jump rope, Mark. Have you ever done it? I've jumped roped, but even when I was doing it, working out, I'm never really able to keep it up for that very long, even just by myself. so doing it for a minute straight would be an impressive feat for me no pun intended

30:31Ethan Nestor:I guess we're giving that to Wade jumping Wade is our jump king

30:37Mark Fischbach:more like the jump king

30:39Ethan Nestor:yeah I was getting there I was going musical chairs this is another tricky one

30:45Mark Fischbach:I was terrible at musical chairs because like I take a moment to process and whenever the song ends It's like my brain like continues humming the song rather than hurrying to a chair.

30:56Ethan Nestor:Like it kind of like you do have questionable reaction times sometimes. I'm not very dexterous. Yeah. Mark, I feel like you'd be pretty good in musical chairs. Musical chairs gives me stress, like anxiety. The idea of even being in a game of musical chairs gives me more anxiety than almost any other game you could think of. Is it like positive, like on your toes, very performance? You know like you do better under the pressure or is it like you would crumble? I think no I think I would perform fine It's just like I don't like the idea of doing it, but I feel like that might spur me on to be quicker with my reactions

31:32Mark Fischbach:Hopefully my might be clumsier when people's lives weren't on the line kids were fucking aggressive with musical chairs They would like knock people on the floor like shut there was a it was very violent I can only imagine how awful that would be like life or death musical chairs. That sounds terrible.

31:47Ethan Nestor:That sounds terrible I think we should do it Next one Mark's explosion dodgeball I was terrible at dodgeball too

31:55Mark Fischbach:I'm big I'm a big target So like I was easy to hit

31:58Ethan Nestor:I know you played a ball sport Wade But I feel like you're kind of You're kind of taller like lankier Like unless you have some very Hidden talents

32:09Mark Fischbach:Baseball soccer and dodgeball Were the three that never clicked I could tennis I could volleyball basketball Football baseball soccer and dodgeball. I fucking hate it. Everyone was always so excited on dodgeball days. I hated dodgeball day in gym class. I hated it with a passion. That was one of my least favorites. Because I just got hit a lot, never caught the damn ball.

32:28Ethan Nestor:Well, that sounds like you're just conceding to begin with.

32:31Mark Fischbach:Well, kinda, because I was terrible at it, and I'm big and easy to hit. Mark, how bad are you at dodgeball?

32:37Ethan Nestor:Are you worse than Wade at dodgeball? I'm actually, because I am a slightly smaller target. Slightly. Very. It's really close, but I gotta give it to him on this. You're a perfectly average target. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, truly. I mean, honestly. You could catch him too. When we played football and stuff, you were good at catching things. I was decent at catching. I think that I am a little nimble. I think I can do some of this. That's the thing. I'm not nimble. Big, not nimble. I think I might have a little bit of an edge on this one. I'm gonna give you that.

33:10Mark Fischbach:I'm gonna give you the dodgeball. Thank you. I think that's... I can't even argue dodgeball in my favor. I was terrible at it and hated it

33:16Ethan Nestor:And then the last one I think we're gonna go with The Battleship This one is also kind of random But it is a skill game And you guys are like We joke about how Wade pretends to be Stupider than he is and he plays the fool And stuff and like You are a clever guy But I feel like in different ways I could see both of you Being pretty good at battleships

33:37Mark Fischbach:I was bad as a kid One time where my dad fooled the hell out of me We played Battleship And he grouped all of his ships together and I hit one and I started going across and it was like hit hit hit and I got to like six in a row and I was like you're cheating there's no ship that big because I was hitting them like this way and I got mad and like rage quit and he had to show me I'm getting too much success here how dare you so that's when I learned like different strategies for battleship as to how to group your stuff and not group you're like you can kind of really mix it up and then like trying to strategically find things across the board because you don't want to spend too many pips in one like corner but you do want to make sure you narrow things that's that fucking one by two that little tiny ass boat so I got to be okay at battleship I've also not played that in like 20 years perfectly reasonably sized boat by the way just because it's two it's not tiny itty-bitty it's actually pretty pretty normal very small barely fit a normal human-sized person on it I don't know about that I think you can fit a lot on it perfectly reasonable I always like the big aircraft carrier you would you would I don't know I don't

34:43Ethan Nestor:know who would win that what's your personal history with uh battleships mark uh i was very good at cheating oh so yeah but only if my brother was around so he we would give each other signals of like we had a little little system to tell each other where they were well if you could get your brother recruited into the game then you guys could kind of i'm sure that won't end in a horribly traumatizing way for one of us yeah i think that'd probably be fine no but in the in the in the series is don't cheaters just get executed in that thing probably yeah probably if your if your strategy would be to cheat i think that would get you in trouble what can you do well you could not cheat i guess but what could you do propel fitness water with gatorade electrolytes zero sugar and vitamins propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self.

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36:04Ethan Nestor:Thanks for playing along, boys. Now I know what's going to happen when I host this year's annual Squid Games. We host, right? We don't have to compete, right? You guys can play if you want. You want to get recruited? It's fine. You playing with us? Come on, dude.

36:20Mark Fischbach:Come play. You want to play? Come play. Bob's like, I play from up here in this chair in the safety zone. You play down here on the murder board.

36:28Ethan Nestor:Yeah, we all have our roles. And your role is down there with the people. Mark you got points for Homelab Gore I forgot but I gave you a point Bot Farmer Mark Jump Rope Explosive Dodgeball Life Size Battleships Winning Musical Chairs And Winning Dodgeball Wade you got points for Being Correct As admitted by Mark Being a big strong man Shoots and Ladders Obstacle Course The Musical Chairs game I gave you a lie point You won Shoots and Ladders You won jump rope and you won battleships Making the final score 8 to 8 Damn I'm hoping for the mythical 0 on the number of spins Or a 2

37:14Mark Fischbach:Or a 1 that goes to listeners Or viewers

37:17Ethan Nestor:There's a lot of ways this could become a problem for me I see what you're getting at Or what if it was just normal And one of you just won because of The number of points that happened Meh, that's boring We want this show to be exciting and thrilling.

37:33Mark Fischbach:Unless we're the host, then we want normal. Chew it is. That's what I like to see. Oh, daddy's got ribs on the grill with some barbecue sauce. What? What's happening? I don't know. I'm hungry, I guess, again.

37:46Ethan Nestor:I want to give a point to whomever has the worst weather.

37:50Mark Fischbach:I've not seen the sky today, Bob. Was it like a Cincinnati?

37:55Ethan Nestor:It's not bad. It's cold. I haven't seen the sun. two spins please help me spin number one is no point fuck you okay no re-spin in that it's pretty straight forward spin number two is also no point fuck you but it would be fuck me uh wow it's the one I just added worst weather near well I mean it's probably weight I guess 41 degrees mostly sunny wait hold on we don't go outside i don't know why i added this this is a terrible idea uh it's like it's like it's really nice out today it's like 80 you know oh geez do you have any like tsunamis or anything or no no it's nice i think that's a wait point right there

38:48Mark Fischbach:yes i think a lot well no there's times where mark will win that one yeah i mean it's certain

38:53Ethan Nestor:I think weather includes if there are wildfires within a mile of your house. I think Mark has ups and downs, but that one might be a little skewed against Mark. I don't know. That's a total accident.

39:08Mark Fischbach:That's fine. Wade, you're the winner. Give us a winner speech, eh? Fun episode. I'm glad I got to learn everything that was the Squid Game, so I'm glad we got to build one, and I can't wait to not have to compete, but to get to help Bob host one. So I look forward to that. Thanks, man.

39:23Ethan Nestor:absolutely I'm excited to have you assuming my overlords allow it Mark loser speech you know I went into this one thinking that I would win unfortunately that didn't happen which is really a surprise I usually win these things and the fact that I didn't kind of makes me suspicious of things but not enough to say any words that are going to have any negative impact so I think that I'll just leave it at that and just say hey the truth is out there

39:52Ethan Nestor:yeah i know yeah the truth is out there

39:57Ethan Nestor:congratulations wade and mark i'm sorry honestly it felt like you were winning the whole time it really did but you know it's okay it happens that doesn't always translate into uh you know actually being the winner but that's fine thank you so much both of you for playing i once again can't tell if that game was any fun at all i'm sure the listeners and viewers will let me know the subreddit. I'm curious. I hate it, so that probably means that you'll think it's the best episode we've ever done. Well, I don't hate it. I just, I just had to, I thought it'd be funnier, and then I started talking, and then it's probably my fault.

40:30Mark Fischbach:As an intellectual, I enjoyed it.

40:32Ethan Nestor:Intellectual? As an intellectual, you heard him. Uh, make sure you follow us on socials. Markiplier, LordMinion777, MySkerm, uh, merch? Yes, we do have a brand new selection of Christmas merch available right now, including ornaments, and And if you go to distractible.shop, not any other form of it. There are fake ones out there. There's a fun Christmas sweater and a Christmas ornament. The ornament is really cool. I like it. It says, editors, make it Christmas. It's very cool. And you can get it in red or green. The colors of Christmas. Also, hey, make sure you check out Iron Lung. Ironlung.com.

41:09Ethan Nestor:Cool movie. Spam your local movie theater with as many emails as you can get through your, you know, just make him confused make him think it's a Mr. Mark

41:18Mark Fischbach:is crying right now no no like Sinna his name is Sinna Mark oh oh I see

41:26Ethan Nestor:that's his father anyway that's it Wade's gonna host the next one because he's a bajillionaire now because he wins the squid game thanks for playing thanks for listening thanks for watching podcast out and I'm dead I'm dead in Guam. Put me floating in Guam.

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