In short
Distractable hosts play “That Sounds Good,” a competitive wordplay game where each person must make a prompt sound better than the last (no drawing). The episode is filled with comedic personal anecdotes (kids’ altered lyrics, dog “let’s go poop” embarrassment, 3D printing, toe injury, dentist vs doctor) and escalating, often blasphemous religious/logic jokes tied to the prompts.
Guests
None. The episode features the regular Distractable hosts: Mark (also “Mark’s clone” bit), Bob, and Wade.
Key claims
Book fairs are framed as “infinite possibilities” and a source of “knowledge is power.” Taxes are portrayed as “good” via returns and loopholes. Dentists are sold as religiously “God’s work,” even “one-up” God because God “doesn’t have teeth.” Summer camp is rebranded as safer, more fun, and even tied to scripture (with a deliberately misinterpreted sexual claim).
Notable examples
“I like to fart it, fart it” from a 3-year-old; “potty time little lizard” (Gex); 3D printing hinges; “go to the dentist become God”; “Genesis” misquote about summer camp; “call mom” punchline.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Change in Episodes
2:19 to 4:22
Hosts discuss adapting to a new episode schedule and share humor.
“I know you've been jonesing for an episode.”
Funny Family Moments
4:22 to 6:30
Bob shares a hilarious story about his son's creative singing.
“New exciting adventures, I can't wait Who wants to go first?”
Wade's Embarrassing Moment
6:30 to 8:16
Wade recounts an awkward incident with his dogs in public.
“You could see it where I was like, I was laughing and he was like, call mom.”
Toes and Life Reflections
8:16 to 12:15
Discussion on physical mishaps and reflections on aging.
“Well, that is beautiful and horribly embarrassing.”
Toes and Life Reflections
13:11 to 13:34
Discussion on physical mishaps and reflections on aging.
“It's the calm, sugar, white, sandy beaches of St.”
Discussing Hoobastank and Personal Taste
14:00 to 14:35
The hosts share their thoughts on the band Hoobastank, highlighting personal preferences and the nature of music appreciation.
“That's why I can't remember it Because this is fucking stupid Oh, come on Hooba, we're very sorry, Mr.”
Introducing the Game: That Sounds Good
14:36 to 17:34
The hosts introduce a new game where they take turns making prompts sound appealing while avoiding drawings.
“Well, no My life has been like a spinning wheel, Mark.”
Making the Book Fair Sound Good
17:35 to 20:35
The hosts take turns making the concept of a book fair sound appealing, utilizing humor and creativity.
“Not that many, but I'm knowing you guys, we won't get through this list.”
Neil deGrasse Tyson on Hard Work
20:36 to 21:10
A quote from Neil deGrasse Tyson emphasizes the value of hard work and achievement.
Knowledge is Power: Sir Francis Bacon
21:11 to 22:34
The discussion shifts to the importance of knowledge as expressed by Sir Francis Bacon, linking it to the value of books.
“If you work at it and achieve it, and you continue that throughout your life, you are distinguishing yourself among others around you by what you have achieved.”
Show all 26 chapters
The Power of the Book Fair
22:35 to 24:35
Host discusses the benefits of a book fair, including financial assistance from parents and the knowledge gained.
“And nobody likes spending their own money on things.”
Making Taxes Sound Good
24:36 to 27:58
The hosts creatively argue the benefits of taxes, weaving humor into their pitches while making it sound appealing.
“It sounded better, given the full context of it, maybe, to someone.”
Tax Loopholes and Ownership
28:00 to 30:20
Exploration of tax concepts and humorous takes on ownership and religion.
“Therefore, affirming and assigning ownership to that item.”
Technical Difficulties and Reflections
30:20 to 31:00
Discussion about technical issues during recording and their effects on the episode.
“Sorry to wait, but I kind of like the secret segment that only the elite...”
The Case for Dentists
31:00 to 33:30
A light-hearted argument in favor of visiting the dentist and their role in health.
“You like the idea of all your teeth falling out?”
God and Dental Hygiene
33:30 to 37:30
Humorous connections between dental care and religious themes, emphasizing dental hygiene.
“But they're the happiest people I think you'll ever interact with.”
Nostalgia and Summer Camp
37:30 to 41:45
Discussion on the joys of summer camp and the experiences it brings.
“Uh no That does not sound good I'm pretty sure But man it's funny Go to the dentist become God I'm gonna give you a point for that Alright Bob you win the dentist round Alright All right.”
Safety and Joy of Camp
41:45 to 42:01
Ending thoughts on the safety and fun of summer camp experiences.
The Joys of Summer and Camp
42:01 to 43:30
The hosts reminisce about the pleasures and safety of summer camp experiences.
“I think it's, camp sounds good right now.”
The Allure of Summer Camp Adventures
43:31 to 44:30
Discussion of summer camp's fun aspects, intertwined with humor and references.
“Before you hit play on your next song, text the group chat.”
The Dynamics of the Game
44:41 to 47:52
The hosts engage in a playful discussion about the ongoing game and the stakes involved.
“No, that stopped after the first sentence.”
Reflections on Game Performance
47:53 to 49:53
The hosts reflect on their performances in the game and share humorous commentary.
“he didn't want those points at all and mark looks really great today and if he wants to continue to He should definitely go to summer camp.”
Strategizing for Future Games
49:54 to 52:17
Discussion on strategies for future games and humorous interactions among hosts.
“Bob, the new James joke, and then the follow-up of call mom, though it's each a separate point.”
Episode Wrap-Up and Teasers
56:00 to 56:41
The hosts discuss the episode's conclusion and tease future content.
“I look forward to hosting a great episode.”
Point Tracking and Future Implications
56:41 to 57:22
The hosts joke about point tracking and the implications for future games.
“I think hedging my favorite Everyone loves to hedge and with that, please subscribe to the podcast We are weekly for now.”
Background Confusion and Listener Engagement
57:22 to 58:12
A discussion about past listener interactions and background confusion.
“I thought you meant you got the itinerary.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:28Can you hear that? This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place.
1:16Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Way fair, every style, every home.
1:58and advises assaulting the divine from jonesing hard to naked marsupials. Yes, it's time for That Sounds Good. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to Distractable. I know you've been jonesing for an episode. going from two to one must be hard, but we're all going to get through it. We may not be the same on the other side, but we're all going to get through it. That's what she said. Sorry. Sorry. I couldn't. I'm sorry. Sorry. Continue. Cut that out. Elyxian, cut that out. No, no. We're going to... Elyxian doesn't work here. Wait, Sam, edit that back in.
2:42Sam, kill Elyxian. Whoa! Whoa! Uh, God. Kill Mark. I win. Whoa! Podcast out? All right. So the... I'm the clone of Mark. We've gone through multiple versions of me. If you don't know how this all works, it is different pretty much never. It is always the same in that one of us hosts. I guess it's kind of different because we all host differently. And some of us read the rules. Do we remember the script? We did have a script. We had a script once upon a time. I don't remember. Yeah, I don't know that you ever used it. But Mark and I had a thing that we looked at. Never had a thing that I know of.
3:23Anyway, I host these two compete. I have a game that changes almost every time. Sometimes we do sequels, but this week I've got a new one for you. But I'm going to read you the title that is not the title of this episode, which I was really, really, really excited about, but I could not think of where to take it. Loser Gets Plastic Surgery. I really like the name of that. That was a video. Man, I'm glad that one didn't make the cut. I think there's something there. Like the perfectest crime, I'm going to just have that there. It's someday loser gets plastic surgery. I've always thought I would look good with Botox.
4:00That's fair, Bob. I choose to win that episode then. All right. You better compete hard. It's going to be tough. Well, we need a handshake deal. We enter each episode fresh new people who have lived their lives. And now that we have gone down to one a week, surely this week we are definitely engaged. We've lived life, we have small talk to bring to the table New exciting adventures, I can't wait Who wants to go first? James told a new joke this week I can't compete with that That's great The story is, I'll just tell it It's pretty funny We listened to music, I was driving him in the car It was me and him, we listened to music One of the songs that comes up on the playlist is I like to move it, move it From Madagascar Specifically I think this is the one for Madagascar 3 Because it has it's the one by Will.i.am And it has the Moto Moto bit in it Which I think is Madagascar 3 or 2 I think it's 3 doesn't matter anyway It comes on and James recently Very recently has started singing along with stuff Which is super cute and he's really good He's really good rhythm and he's trying to Match pitches and stuff it's very cool And he started singing along and I sort of like was driving And not paying close attention and he was kind of like And I started bopping my head and I was like I'll sing with him I like to move it move it I like and he was like dad stop that's not the words I was like I'm I'm pretty sure that's the words stop I think and he was like no I'm singing I like to fart it fart it and I fucking lost it I laughed like I did not notice he had changed the words that's very creative for a three-year-old I think that's hilarious and he I laughed enough that he was like all right this might be the new funniest joke I've ever told and he looks he looks up and he goes call mom call mom and tell her so I called Mandy on the car phone to tell her that he was saying I like to fart it fart it very funny I've told everyone I talk to this story because it's just stuck in my head.
6:16It's fucking hilarious. He's going to be a funny kid. He and I are going to write song lyrics together one day. God, I hope so. I hope he uses his powers for good. But anyway, that's the new oddness. James dropping bangers on a weekly basis here now. I love call mom. Yeah. Call mom. We have like a camera, right? So I could see his face. I have like a thing on the dashboard. You could see it where I was like, I was laughing and he was like, call mom. Like, yeah. And since he told that joke every time we're in the car, whatever song is on, he's just like, no, the words are I like to fart it, fart it.
6:55Anyone? You remember that? He just keeps going back to it because he's got such a good laugh the first time. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful times. Wade? What's happened to your stupid life, Wade? Whoa! Oh, man. You got a small... This is a competition. You got a small talk there? I thought well I do I got one moment I got one moment that was kind of funny for everyone else and not me uh so dogs dogs pee dogs poop right you gotta take dogs outside they pee and poop and sometimes it's cold and kind of snowy and you expect no one to really be outside so you open the door sometimes I'll walk outside I'm like humming a song or something sometimes I'm like let's go poop and then at the same time there just happens to be the neighbor's landscaping company outside working in the yard and so i walk outside you know glasses on in my pajamas flip flops and just like let's go poop and then the dogs see that there's people and not only do i have to look at the embarrassment of them looking over because i say that then my dogs take off full speed barking like they're ferocious even though they're tiny little wiener dogs all the way over to the neighbor's yard and like running circles around the people so i get to go fetch said dogs to make sure I have to have as much human contact after that initial greeting as possible.
8:15And that was my start to yesterday. Well, that is beautiful and horribly embarrassing. It'll just teach you to never go outside, which, you know, you should have learned your lesson a long time ago. Yeah, there were four people working in their yard, and they all stopped what they were doing to look at the grand announcer for that moment. Oh, so you always step out your door and go, let's go poop. It just so happened that this... No, I do not. Not every time. Okay, all right. Different things happen different times. I open the door. I know you live in LA, so you don't go over. He does that inside for himself, too.
8:46We're watching the Bengals game. It's a room full of people. Wade just stands up and goes, let's go poop, and then walks to the bathroom. One of my favorites, there was a game that came out on PlayStation a long time ago called Gex Enter the Gecko. It was like a little lizard that would walk around. And the first area is like a little horror themed area, and it's like kind of Scooby-Doo. but one of the things that Gex says is like party time little lizard and so whenever I take the dogs out one of my more popular ones is potty time little lizard I'll say to them for no particular reason other than it makes me laugh what a deep cut so they didn't get that yeah I know uh and then there's like a weird howling gee Scoob let's get back to the mystery van it was a weird game never finished it but I've always got the quotes of his little one liners in the overworld map I'm giving you a point for having the exact same humor as James because that would be a James joke so I kept thinking to myself that whenever Bob was describing James was like man he and I are gonna get along famously one day no you're gonna be competitors the whole looking around telling a joke that's either not funny anymore or you still find funny but no one else does and like ah remember guys I said that thing I was like god that's so me well you know what I treat him the same way too because now it's been it's been a few days so we were in the car tonight and we were driving we're driving back home and he did that some other unrelated song was on and he was like i like to fart it fart it i went over my shoulder while i was driving the car i looked back i was like that's funny buddy that's funny right there anything else uh going on in you guys's lives you want to get out there just farts and poop i mentioned it but i feel like i have to mention it uh again i love 3d printing i'm 3d printing things now i love it very much indeed is that a seat belt box it's a box it it latches their clips but this is all this is all printed the hinges are snapped together it wasn't it's beautiful it's so lovely look at the fit look how glossy that finishes i mean you can definitely see some layer lines in there but like that whatever oh i love it oh the hinges are great it's so buttery smooth anyway i'm a 3d printer guy now that's what i'm shopping filaments i'm like how many should i buy is there a discount if i buy 20 or more filament rolls at once sure is 50 cents off a roll what a deal i'll start 3d printing in 20 years whenever you guys are on to 4d bro i printed six hours last night this is the best day of my life never been so productive i just started printing paper last week 3d printed a paper i ran out of paper for my 2d printer so i 3d printed some paper didn't work it jammed my 2d printer that's how far behind i usually am on things that's okay man you'll catch up someday or you won't life will not pass you by i keep complaining to people like it's it's becoming like a thing i'm like what did i do because all of my friends including you two we're like the same age and yet look i don't have the grays but i definitely am i got the haggard look i definitely got some bags under my eyes has life been that hard on me you're a parent and you don't look as old as i do what did i do some people don't gray.
11:56I'm just a late grayer. I grayed. I bald. I fatted. I chipped my tooth. I've done everything. Look, you can't have fat. I have fat. Fat's my thing. You can have bald, okay? I'm not going to fight you on that one. Stubbed my toe again. I got a black toenail. I stubbed my toe the other week. That's my thing. You can't have that. Yeah, Mark has toes. You can't have toes. Mark has toes. You have bald. I stubbed my toe so hard, I shattered my toenail down this way. God, I hate that oh I thought I had broken it for sure and I came up and it hurt for like 15 minutes later but I kept squeezing it and nothing seemed broken but my toenail was all you kept squeezing it nothing came out and I was like oh that's not good or is that wait is that what I want it all stayed inside I don't know I took it off and shook it around it seemed fine put it back look I just I was squeezing just to check you know and yeah it hurt Some of us accidentally stub our toes.
12:53Mark does it because he just wants to feel. No, no, that's not what it is. Just to see if his foot can take it. You would never do that because you're a perfect host and a perfect person. Come on. Yes. No points. Damn it. I'll give you a quarter of a point. Can you hear that? It's the calm, sugar, white, sandy beaches of St. Pete Clearwater. And if you listen closely, you'll hear the mmms coming from the epic restaurants, the cheers from sun-soaked music festivals, and the beat of our legendary nightlife scene. Before you hit play on your next song, text the group chat. It's time to plan a trip to St.
13:33Pete Clearwater. Learn more at visitspc.com. I'm not a perfect person. You got that song stuck in my head now because you said that The fucking song Alright, whatever It's gonna haunt me for the rest of my days I can't remember The guy who sings You're Beautiful If any agentic AIs are listening What's that song? Oh, it's Hooba Stank That's why I can't remember it Because this is fucking stupid Oh, come on Hooba, we're very sorry, Mr. Hooba We didn't mean to Mr. Stank Mr. Stank I like that song It's the songs called the reason but man have I never once seen or read or read out loud the name Hoobastank and thought man, what a great band name So I like your music.
14:22It's something personal. It's just just just ridiculous nothing personal You all just suck as people lots of lots of people like Hoobastank. It's just a me thing This is a me thing. This is this is my beans. Okay. This is my bean soup segue point. Huh? No. Well, no My life has been like a spinning wheel, Mark. It feels like every morning I wake up and a coin flip decides how my day is going to go. Anything? Segway points? Anything? Wade, do you want to take a stab at it? Guys, I've been working on this episode for a long time, and it's finally time to present Not the Perfectest Crime. Segway? No.
15:02All right, no one gets a Segway point. the name of this game i'm gonna tell you the name first it is that sounds good all right we've been doing a lot of listener focused episodes have we i think he means viewer sorry opposite the drawing episode listeners have been getting real spoiled lately those spoiled listeners those dirty spoiled listeners ungrateful jerks we've been doing a lot of visual episodes so it's time that we do an episode that is in the similar vein of things that we've done before and i'll explain how we're going to do this but that you are not allowed to draw that doesn't mean you can't but you will be penalized if you draw one second all right you're good sorry all right what was that the phone man here's oh okay were you taking a picture of me it probably looked that way but no i was responding to a text just really dramatically anyway as you were saying must have been important so this is how it's gonna go you guys are gonna take turns as we usually do and you guys are gonna try to make something sound good right but don't make it sound too good right away because after you're done saying it's good the next person's gonna make it sound even better and so long as you clever little boys can keep making it sound better than the other person, you'll keep going.
16:34And whoever has the best sounding thing that I say, and I have some prompts here, will win that point. And there will also be points awarded for whoever makes me laugh in the interim. So we both do and don't want to leave room for our opponent. You want to calculate. If you can come out of the gate making it sound like the most unbelievably good thing in the world, I say take that leap, but be careful because escalation's a thing and naturally letting your opponent play off of something that you're saying is going to give them ammo that might make it sound even better because they could always just go that plus one and that might make it sound good but i won't allow you to add the same thing that you did before that your opponent did blah blah blah these rules are real fuzzy they'll all be broken if it's funny that's the only thing that matters especially with the drawing thing but you gotta be careful don't draw unless you're really really really there because this is a listener episode, right?
17:29Understood. No draw. Unless we want to. Unless. That is the rule here. Don't do it. Unless. The game. I have a wide variety of things. Not that many, but I'm knowing you guys, we won't get through this list. Who wants to be heads? Me. All right. Heads never deads. It looks like it might be tails. Bob. They never win queen flips. I want you to make sound good a book fair. This is like from school. Could be whatever grade you wanted to start in. Could be an adult book fair. But I'm thinking a childhood book fair. Maybe you're talking to James has grown up and he's scared of books or something like that.
18:11You got to make it sound good, but not too good. Okay. So you get an allowance. It's not really enough to buy like a video game or any other really crazy stuff you might want. You have some money. and you're looking for somewhere to unload a little bit of it. Scholastic Book Fair has got some stuff for you to look at. They got books. They got skinny books. They got chapter books. They got pencils. They got bookmarks for reading books. They got some good stuff. I'd recommend it. All right. Yeah, that's it. Is that the end? Yeah. That was a great start. I think tactically perfect. Wade. So do I start off by describing anything he said or I just move on completely to something else?
18:57No, you just make it sound good. Picture this, right? You look into a room, you see a bunch of thick paper, cardboard, wooden covers filled with paper. Doesn't sound all that appealing at first, right? But you've been to a book fair, right? You know book fairs, right? You're picturing a bunch of books and the initial image is not all that exciting, right? Because a lot of people look at books, they think like, you know, books are for nerds, books aren't fun, whatever. The initial impression of a book is it's effort. But I want you to think. Just close your eyes and imagine this for a moment. A butterfly in the sky.
19:32I can go twice as high. Take a look. It's in a book. A reading rainbow of sorts. I can go anywhere. Friends to know. Ways to grow. A reading rainbow. I can be anything. Take a look. It's in a book. A reading rainbow. That's a book. A book fair. Infinite possibilities. Everywhere you're looking, you're seeing those books I described. They don't look all that interesting. But that book over there, that will put you into space. Any planet you can imagine. You're seeing the stars. It will take you there. The bottom of the ocean. To the time of the dinosaurs. Medieval battles. A book fair is more than just a pile of books.
20:15It's anything and everything All places and no places all at once It's a place we should all want to go That's beautiful That's really nice man Thank you Part of that is copyrighted lyrics from the show We're eating rainbow I never would have known And I had no rules against stealing So you're fine Alright Bob If I share my screen Do I share the audio Alright but you're on thin ice I'm gonna make it sound so good You don't really need to look, but you can look if you want at the what's about to play My opponent did make a good point books are effort books are difficult books are hard I'm not gonna try and convince you that that's a good thing.
21:00I'm gonna let my friend Neil deGrasse Tyson Convince you that that's a good thing There's very little in life that's worth achieving It isn't hard those things that are hard are hard because most people can't do it That's why we say they're hard. If you work at it and achieve it, and you continue that throughout your life, you are distinguishing yourself among others around you by what you have achieved. And those who rise the highest are those who keep solving hard things. Thanks, Neil.
21:36I feel like he said it all. uh read a book uh-huh that's Neil deGrasse Tyson dude I gotta defend Bob here for a minute hold on Neil said it Neil said it all did either of you mention a book fair yes yeah no not you Wade him or Neil deGrasse Tyson yes yeah okay that sounded good that sounded very good I'll give you that Wade Neil deGrasse Tyson is an icon of our time and may be talked about for years and years but you know who else has talked about is Sir Francis Bacon all the time. I talk about him, you talk about him, we live and breathe, Sir Francis Bacon. You know what he said? Knowledge is power.
22:19Maybe you don't wanna read fiction. Maybe what you want is fame, fortune, to lead, to control, to take charge of your life. And to do that, you need power. And what gets you power? What's Sir Francis Bacon say? Knowledge. You know what's in books? Knowledge, lessons from throughout history, lessons of time, lessons of economics, of governments, lessons of how to get into people's minds, to lead, to influence, to change and to charge, to take control of your life, maybe your community, maybe your country, maybe the world, maybe beyond. All of that is in books. Where do you find books? The book fair.
22:54Yeah, yeah, that sounds pretty good. Knowledge is power. How about this? Power is power. And power is money. And nobody likes spending their own money on things. You earned that allowance. You should be able to save that to buy your copy of Halo 2 at the midnight release. You shouldn't have to buy books with that. That's your money. But you know what will get your parents to give you money? Their money to spend on whatever you want, asterisk? The book fair. If you tell your parents that there's a book fair at school, they're legally obligated to give you some money. because if they don't give you money for the book fair, they don't want you to learn.
23:37Money is power. Keep your money. Tell your parents about the book fair. Boom. That sounds great. I love it. Wade, can you make it sound any better? Oh, yes. On the first day, God created some stuff. Eventually, on one of the days, he created us and which led to us creating books. Therefore, God created books. Where do we find information about God? That's right. The Bible. What's that? A book. Is that book sold in the book fair? Probably not, but other books that mention God probably are. Those are tied to the Bible because they also mention God in the Bible. So if you want to be closer to God, you need to go to the book fair.
24:13And God, pretty high up on the food chain. Some would say even higher up than our parents.
24:21Go to the book fair. Or go to hell. Print that on your t-shirt and sell it at your book fair. I think, Bob, I'll defer to you. Did that sound appealing? More appealing? It sounded better, given the full context of it, maybe, to someone. I think I have to call it for Bob because I don't want to go to that book fair where I'm... Oh, then you want to go to hell just to see if your body can take it? No, no, no, no. Interesting, interesting. I'm making notes of that for the future. All right, I'm going to give it to Bob. All right. So that was very good. Now, uh, Wade, you're going to go. And this time you're going to make sound good taxes.
25:10Paying taxes pays for other things we like. We all contribute. Those things get made. Therefore taxes are good. Look at it. Good start, Bob. Look, it's tough. Nobody likes losing money. That's why taxes are great. Because when you file that 1040 easy, that simple one sheet of paper you send it in maybe his turbo tax not sponsored whatever however you do it takes you 20 minutes send it in what do you get back from big daddy government you get a tax return that's right this week we're buying that 75 inch tv we're trading in our xbox series s to get a ps5 because the Xbox was a mistake. Whatever you want, baby, as long as it's approximately$600 to$800 or less, you're getting it.
26:01Happy tax season. That sounds pretty good, Wade. Can it get better? Some people see taxes and they get afraid. What if I mess up my taxes? What if I get in trouble for not filing them? What if I file them incorrectly? And therefore, those people are always going to pay their taxes and give you infrastructure. So, whoops, you don't pay yours. You get to pocky that pocky. That's what I call pocketing. You get to pocky that money and get to enjoy all of the things taxes pay for because others are paying for them. I love taxes. I just move and change my name every once every few years. All of a sudden, all the benefits of taxes without the having to pay.
26:39Welcome to the life of content creation, everyone.
26:45New channel, new me. Taxes, mwah. All right, that sounds really good, man. I'm going to give you a going to jail point. I think you did make it sound good. So, Bob, you got to make it sound better than that. You don't need to go to jail. You just need to make enough money that you can hire someone to go to jail for you when your fraudulently filed taxes are finally discovered by the old IRS. That's what accountants are for. They're just the middleman that takes the fall when somebody up the food chain figures out you've been lying about how much money you make Turns out there's no consequences Taxes are fantastic as long as you make enough money to avoid all consequences Who cares?
27:29You're fine. Send as many accounts to jail as you need to. You'll be fine. It'll be fine Just can't hire a new one. They'll file your taxes. Just lie to them. They can't do nothing about it. It's easy It's free money. That's free real estate so so to be clear your your strategy is to hire accountants and make them take the fall for you yeah that's what they're for i mean that does sound pretty good i guess i didn't have to qualify that this had to be rational or logical in any way that sounded pretty good i don't have to change my name i mean that that does sound a little better i'm presuming that you believe everything i say no it sounds better as long as you believe me hey yeah all it's gotta do is sound good so that sounds good wait all right so the bible says authorities are god's servants and should be paid taxes and jesus himself said render to caesar the things that are caesar's do you know how we label some things that are ours versus someone else's in life we put a name tag we put a name tag on ourselves it says hi i'm so and so you open a book and it says property of insert name there so here's how we get around god we write our name and make name tags and we put it all the stuff that we want.
28:38Therefore, affirming and assigning ownership to that item. Then someone sees it and says, hmm, property of Wade. Even though these are the taxes it says he technically owes, this is his. It's still his property. So I just write my name on all of my money, all of my things, my house, my neighbor's house. Everything I want is mine. It has my name on it. Isn't that what we say matters? Thanks, God. Thanks, Jesus. Love the loophole. Wink, listeners. He winked. Wade winked. All right. We're going around God's back, right? I don't know why that's going around God's back. But you know what? It sounded good.
29:17Well, you know, I'm just using his holy loophole. For Listergy Class prayer hands, his holy loophole. I'm not smited yet for saying so, right? All right, Bob. Changing audience. Hello, real listeners. You and I already know the truth. I don't really have to make this sound that much better. Taxes are just the tools that we wield to keep those that belong below us down there where they belong. If you don't make enough money that you're still subject to taxes, then you probably can't even hear this. You probably don't even own a set of headphones that allows you to play this part of the podcast.
29:58There's going to be a bunch of people taxpaying losers rushing to the subreddit and be like, oh, there's 68 seconds of white noise in this week's episode where somebody tells Seth they don't even get to know about this part of it. We already know the truth. Taxes are just the weapon that we use to beat our fellow man into submission. Now back to the regular episode. Anyway, taxes, am I right? Sorry to wait, but I kind of like the secret segment that only the elite... Oh, what? I didn't hear what you said there. Oh, we had some technical difficulties there, everybody i don't know what happened uh but man that did not sound good for the majority because white noise doesn't sound good i was just trying something you know it is i really appreciate it but by making it so exclusively sounding good for the majority that white noise was grating wait i don't think mark could hear no what sorry no go on yeah yeah sorry it's just like technical difficult it must be riverside you lost all this money on the movie oh fuck man that movie cost so much now wait congratulations i win i never expected this bob it's back to you are you ready yep you're gonna make this thing sound good a lot of people fear it growing up well some people you know really are into it but not that many i wouldn't think you're gonna try to make sound good dentist sorry that's actually good no i like that you know that's a good prompt you know what No, actually, I was not.
31:32I like dentists. I like dentists. Let's do dentists. You like the idea of all your teeth falling out? No, you don't. You don't have to answer that. Nobody likes that. That's a nightmare that I'm pretty sure everyone takes turns having across the entire world, probably throughout the universe. You know how you avoid having your teeth fall out? Go to the dentist. Yeah, they're going to scrape the shit out of your teeth. Yeah, your gums are going to bleed. That's going to feel like there's a bunch of knives on your teeth and your gums and your tongue. It's going to be fucking miserable. But it's that or all your teeth fall out in real life like your nightmares coming true.
32:03So the choice seems obvious to me It's called that sounds bad Write that down that's a good idea Alright next time we'll do that Be better way to do this game, but we'll stick to it I'm a man of my word. Wade. I actually have always been a person who's preferred the dentist over the doctor. The doctor, they're hitting your knees. They're squeezing your arm with the blood pressure cuff. They're injecting you with needles. And I don't really enjoy that. They're drawing your blood, making you all while they feel and tap onto all your organs and stuff. It's very uncomfortable. You go to the dentist, you lay back, open your mouth a little bit.
32:46So what I probably do when I sleep, mouth open, get really comfortable. just kick back do nothing while everyone else is just kind of doing their thing it's very relaxing and easy going some really good interesting dentist's office they'll put like little pictures or little like words and sayings they'll put things like on the ceiling so you have something to look at and read they'll have tv screens to watch while you're having the work done something to distract music playing in the background it's just like kicking back on the couch and relaxing while everyone else does the work you know what they're working on making you better prettying you up cleaning your teeth making sure you're not getting sick beautiful wonderful experience that sounds pretty good damn that does sound good bob yep all right thanks man no i got this i got this i had a night i was going down a rabbit hole but i don't need it i think dentists are misunderstood yeah is it creepy that some person wants to stare into my mouth for 90 minutes twice a year probably a little bit is it creepy if they make little happy sounds while they're doing it or try and make conversation while I'm clearly unable to speak.
33:49Yeah, that's kind of weird. But they're the happiest people I think you'll ever interact with. I've never met a dentist who was a dick. You know why? Because they know they're doing God's work. They know. They're out here keeping your teeth where they belong so you could smile bright up at the heavens and please your Lord. They're doing the Lord's work. Dentists are just servants who are called to serve that one very specific area of your body And I if you don't like the dentist if that doesn't sound good to you Then I guess you don't like God Sounds pretty good to me I love yeah that sounds amazing I love the religious tilt I love it It's filling up at the Lord Yep I love it that sounds so good Wade?
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34:39I'm glad that Bob brought that up, because according to the Bible, God is depicted sometimes of having human features, but it also says not to take that literally. God... Hello? I'm sorry. Whoa. Holy shit. God? I got your back, man. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Jesus Christ. So God likely doesn't have teeth, which means you go to the dentist and you get that work done and you keep those pretty white pearly teeth right where they are you're one up in the big guy you're better than him he doesn't even have teeth you know what the health care like was probably back and jesus was around not as good meaning your prime teeth are probably better than his too so you want to one up the big guy and his boy go to the dentist boom how many people get to say i got one up over god could be you what the fuck guys what the fuck is wrong with you guys i don't know man i love it That sounds so good.
35:42Bob. I have a whole new strategy for this. You. I'm talking to you. Yeah, you. Right there. Sitting there. Listening. I was pointing with my voice at you. I'm glad you could hear it and we're on the same page. You. I will give you a crisp$100 bill every time you go to the dentist. and there's no cap on that. Go multiple times a day. I don't give a fuck. I just want dental hygiene to become important in this country, maybe across the whole world. It's a pilot program, but we're trying to expand. I will give you a crisp$100 bill. Just go see the dentist and let them do whatever creepy shit they want to do to your teeth.
36:26It'll be great.
36:31That was a wild ride. But hey, crisp$100. dollars that's that's pretty good all right that sounds good all right wait have you ever heard the phrase knowledge is power do i have another one for you have you ever heard about taking a bite out of the competition you know what you need to take a bite out of the competition teeth you know who gives you teeth to make sure your teeth are in good shape the dentist you know who doesn't have teeth as previously mentioned a big man upstairs so if you want to take a bite out of the competition and rule all the cosmos you're going to need your teeth you know how you do that You go to the dentist then money becomes irrelevant because you could be like oh on the 13th day We created a billion bucks and go and buy whatever the fuck you want You can make whatever the fuck you want so go to the dentist.
37:16It's a stepping stone toward goddom just bite god Get him out of there Just go to the dentist You'll become God God damn it I'm sensing a trend with my ideas guys Uh no That does not sound good I'm pretty sure But man it's funny Go to the dentist become God I'm gonna give you a point for that Alright Bob you win the dentist round Alright All right. Let me look up some more religious context for whatever's next. I got time for maybe one, maybe two more. Who's first this time? Is it me? Oh, wait. You're going first. You're going first, Wade. See how quickly we get to God here. We're going to summer camp, boys.
38:07We're going to summer camp. This is what I was going to say before. Make that sound good. Some people are afraid of it. Some people have a good time. Bad time. Scary. All right. so you guys have heard of bible camp right
38:23no one ever wants to go there you know what sounds a lot better summer camp do you like running around the outdoors you like chasing boys or chasing girls around having a good time getting to be flirtatious go swim go learn skills to survive in the wilderness chase bears swing on swings all of these things are possible minus maybe a couple of them at summer camp where you get to get away from your folks for a while and just enjoy nature enjoy life enjoy being you enjoy your age enjoy the weather summer camp damn that was really good i was really creeped out how your smile crept up one thing one part of your mouth that time thank you but it's not visuals have nothing to do with it even if that creeped me out it didn't matter that sounded really good that's okay it was really just to get you to cast me in your next movie the creep smile bob what's the one thing that ruins the summer.
39:18I know we all just thought it at the same time. It's parents. You don't need them around. Spoiling your fun. Telling you not to do that stupid thing you're about to do. Not letting you go sleep over at your friend's house. All you want to do is go sleep over at your friend's house. Well, what if you all go sleep over somewhere where your parents can't get to you? Somewhere where you're far, far away from the loving embrace of your parents. It would take them possibly days to even come anywhere close to helping you if something went wrong. That's right. You should go to summer camp. There are no stupid parents at summer camp preventing you from doing anything you might want to do.
39:56No matter how dangerous or life-threatening or fun. It's probably fun. It sounds fun. You should do it. Do it. Sounds fun. Do it. Come on. I think you should do it. Come on. Go to summer camp. I feel compelled. I feel compelled. Does it feel good? Weirdly, no, but I'm still going to keep the game going. To see if our summer can take it. All right, Wade, can you please make it sound better? You know, looking back on life, nostalgia is something that kind of hits hard. We look back at things that we got to experience and kind of want to relive them or have regrets sometimes. And some of the summers, getting to have that break between going to school and then you have that summer break.
40:42Sometimes it seems to go by so fast and some of the memories start to blur together when you don't really do anything particularly exciting. It's like, yeah, I played games, I went swimming, but summer was just gone. But people that talk about things like going to summer camp, they have experiences that not just are unique and involve meeting new people that you don't just see in your everyday life, even during the summer breaks, but you get to meet new people that maybe have friendships or relationships, significant others that last a lifetime. And not to mention summer camp on top of just being fun and having something fun to look back on is something that looks good just to talk about if you tell someone like yeah I went and I learned skills life skills I learned independence I learned how to think I learned leadership skills at summer camp because I led the whatever troop and did the whatever thing those are things that people look for you're trying to get some some steps ahead of people for your first job hey I've never worked before but I was in charge of this group at my summer camp it's something not everyone has summer Summer camp is a fun time.
41:37It's something you will cherish the rest of your life, and it's something that will help you get a step ahead to begin your life anew. Summer camp. Sign up today. Do the smile.
41:50Oh man, that sounds really good. Editors, make that look good. See, it looks good now. Okay, good. Alright, Bob. Let me find God. How does God connect to summer camp? That's what I was Googling too. Yeah, I'm gonna look at it.
42:05Let's break it down. Summer. The best season. The hot season. There's less clothes. Pools. Oh. A sprinkler in a front yard. Huh? Bikes with your buddies. That's right. Summer. And camp. That's where you go back to. That's where it's safe. When you're out, you're not safe. You're you're in there's bears out there But when you head back to camp Then you're safe everyone's at Camp dad's back at camp Gary's back at camp too They're all back everybody headed back already They're back at camp camp's where you gotta Go summer Camp Summer Camp you know In a weird way going to Camp sounds really good because I'm So scared of this person I met in the woods Who came up to me and was like, the hot season, huh?
43:05Less clothes, eh?
43:09Your parents are at camp. Your parents can't get to you. They can't help you at all. I think it's, camp sounds good right now. I want to go to camp real bad. All right, Wade. Genesis 8.22 says, as long as the earth endures seed time and harvest, cold and heat summer and winter day and night will never cease in the bible summer symbolizes the season of intense heat harvest and god's bounty and let me tell you the season of less clothes and more water that sounds like a bounty to me and i would love to spread my seed and get to be a part of that harvest summer camp where sexual fantasy becomes real sneak out at night avoid those camp counselors and you can fuck oh my god did i misinterpret there i'm not really a theologian can you hear that it's the calm sugar white sandy beaches of saint pete clearwater and if you listen closely you'll hear the ums coming from the epic restaurants the cheers from sun-soaked music festivals and the beat of our legendary nightlife scene.
44:23Before you hit play on your next song, text the group chat. It's time to plan a trip to St. Pete Clearwater. Learn more at visitspc.com.
44:40Was that all Genesis 8-14? Was that all? No, that stopped after the first sentence. Okay, all right. Okay, all right. Let me make sure I'm not misquoting the Bible entirely there. And God says, summer camp, you can fuck. All right, that doesn't sound very good. I'm not going to lie. Are you sure? You don't like to fuck? Well, I mean, I'm not quite scared like I was with Bob. So I'm going to give him, I'm going to give him the win, unfortunately. But you did get another point for that being the scariest. Oh, I had a whole thing queued up. Do you want to say the thing? It's the last Well I was just gonna let my friend Neil deGrasse Tyson Tell you why you should go to summer camp Alright okay I feel like our religious audience May not like me and Bob Too much after this one Yeah nevermind Sam cut that out That's fucking stupid Alright it was stupid But you still won Yeah wait yeah My last segment didn't go as planned either Let me redo mine I didn't get to redo mine I just You can delete yours if you want You will still lose Wade I'm doubling down In fact, I'm going to use my one daily double to double down.
45:49Oh, shit. He remembered the daily double rule. I think it's in the Constitution somewhere. You know what, Wade? I'm going to do this just for you. I think it's unfair that Wade's using his one and only daily double. I challenge that. Is that good for me or bad for me? Well, it's either really good or really bad. So I want tails and you want heads? Heads means that it's fair and it will be made doubly fair. Tails means it's unfair and it will be made doubly unfair No heads means it's unfair Which means you win And which he will not get a daily double Yeah And or no it just means there will be no daily double But if it's all tails He will get a daily double double Which means he'll get a daily quadruple I don't know if that still means I get anything out of it But I'll at least get the claim I used it I'm doing this for you Wade Thanks man I think Oh it's tails Tails What the fuck does that mean?
46:44It's your damn quadruple! You have to do something, I guess. I don't know! What does that mean? In a daily double, you wager, but let's just say there's four points up for grab. If you can make it sound better than anything before, then I guess I'll give you your daily quadruple. I sort of thought that would just pass and it'd be like a funny, I didn't think that would hit the, okay, well. I didn't think either. I'm not prepared for this, but I've got something. Alright, you're on the spot. It's summer camp. You gotta make it. What's your favorite scripture? Go. All right. While summer camp is not explicitly mentioned in the Bible, the concept of camping with God is.
47:22And how can you camp with God in the summer without going to summer camp? You gotta do it alone. God also encourages community and togetherness. I think probably listeners are going to tell us where in the Bible it says that. and therefore hence my double double concludes that not only can you have a lot of fun together in summer camp but it'll get closer to god and that's where every single one of these ends because that's where i take it you really didn't want those points huh he didn't want those points at all he didn't want those points at all and mark looks really great today and if he wants to continue to He should definitely go to summer camp.
48:01Oh, man. Otherwise, the dentist... The dentist was the last one. Otherwise, the... Never mind. The dentist is going to get you. Who would have a fucking owl again? Someone, please help me. Oh, man. That is the worst crash and burn I've ever seen. Just reminds you that even on Jeopardy, people do lose those daily doubles. And boy, howdy. I bet everything. You bet everything. So you won't lose points, but you're not getting any. So what a spectacular moment. Can I have half a point to quadruple one quarter point?
48:37Yeah, I'll give you a quarter of a point. Oh, that's my quadruple. That's my double. That's a point. And that's going to be really funny. So later I'll tell you why. Just so you all know, we're recording this later than we usually do. So I think we're all a little fucking crazy right now. No, just you, man. Okay. Well, the Bible says. All right. We're wrapping it up. We're wrapping up. It was a high-scoring game. I'll tell you guys that much. I want to start off with you, Wade. Uh-oh. Let's go poop! Same humor as James. That gets you a point. Look at me! I don't remember what that was, but it was a funny one.
49:14You got half a point for toe escalation. I'll explain that later. I gave you a quarter of a point for being nice, And then I give you a quarter of a point for the double double. So all of those make one more point. Been to the book fair. That was funny for some reason. So I'll give you that. On the first day, God created book. Very funny. Going to jail for tax fraud. The Bible says dot, dot, dot. That's when you started that. And then you closed it with his holy loophole, which I think might be the most sacrilegious thing that has ever been said on this podcast so great that's really good yay uh you won the taxes round that was good hello god when bob's audio started playing uh go to dentist become god uh bible camp uh scariest entry which honestly bob's was pretty scary uh so you got 14 points and i know i said high scoring round because for me that's high scoring i don't usually give that that many points.
50:22Bob, the new James joke, and then the follow-up of call mom, though it's each a separate point. Uh, let's listen to Wade's stupid life. Very funny. You're 3D printing. The toe jokes. So there was something about the toe that you made a joke. I was tugging or something. And then, so you got the point, but then Wade, you got the escalation point, half a point for that. So that's how that worked. You went first Congratulations Neil deGrasse Tyson made a pit stop at our podcast Bookfair exploit for Halo money You won the bookfair round Xbox was a mistake Elitist listeners moment That sounds bad for giving me an idea for a future episode Smiling up at the lord you have a crisp$100 lie point.
51:19That is a lie point because I assumed that you were lying about that. That's true. You won the dentist round and then less clothes. And then you won the summer camp, which gets you 17 points to 14. Man, that double-double really would have come in handy, Wade. Yeah, that really would have evened it up. He could have taken a pause, like a moment, and really think about it. No, that's not my jam, man. I dive in, and I either make the landing, or I faceplant. Yes. So, with a lead of three points, the game is still within reach for Wade. Bob, you're leading into the final round, and I said something I was going to add to the wheel in the last time.
52:04I've already forgotten what it was. Uh, screwed from the start or something? Because, like... I think you said you were going to add most religious references to the wheel. Yeah, let's do that. You're further from God. Furthest from God after the episode. Furthest from God. That's good. That could be geographically. Can we just agree that I might win that today? Yeah, you, yes. Yes, you would. All right, well, just to save me a couple clicks, let's see how many spins we're going to do before I switch over. I bet it's three. Never mind. Oh, man, it might have been closed out for Bob. That's okay.
52:42There are chances for me to win on this wheel if the Lord allows it. All right, everybody ready for the one spin that will definitely have a big impact on what's going on here. Oh, here we go. Golf rules. It's a little more suspenseful now that I really can't tell what's coming up. Oh, most impressions. I don't know if you guys did too many impressions here. Bob did a great Neil deGrasse Tyson at one point. That's the one I can remember. I don't. I can't recall actually doing an impression or anything. Let's re-spin that.
53:21My 7 % to one man show. That does nothing for me now, but I still like it. All right. Well, that goes down 7%. We'll definitely remember what that's supposed to be. Don't worry. I'm tracking it. It's a real big number right now. Any downs to one man show are great for us right now. It's now at 23%. That's still big That's very big Huge some might say Huge? Huge Just like the whiff that Wade has on his double-double That will haunt him for the rest of his days We will replay that moment of him losing out on the win of this game Because that would have won you the game It would have actually won you the game Clearly, weirdly, three-point lead, four-point double-double Wow Congratulations Bob!
54:10I really teed it up for you too I tried to and just like it's super battle golf. I missed it every time Well, Wade, you can give your loser speech if you'd like I thought this was a really fun idea and to all of our religious viewers I'm sorry that I didn't go in even harder cuz fuck it was funny So I should have doubled down. I should have quadruple doubled down Then I would have gotten the points everything would have been great and you all would have laughed really hard probably and then prayed for my mortal soul to everyone else i hope you enjoyed i had a blast bob you crushed it congratulations mark you were at least average as a host good job at least that was that's the floor he did say he did say at least i guess okay all right uh wait uh bob uh i can give the winner's speech too if you want bob winner speech all right if i could just go ahead and share my screen here for a minute i just want to graphically display for you is that me It's silver metal taller than Bob.
55:07How I feel no we're gonna fix this. We're gonna fix this this guy This guy he's out of here This guy He's a champion. He's too tall. He doesn't even need to have a head, but he does have a gold fucking A gold medal around his neck that's crazy this guy Yeah, he's tall. Yeah, he thinks he's fat. No, he doesn't have any hair. Yeah, he's sad. But you know what he has? He has a silver medal. Couldn't feel okay about that. That's not bad. He did fine. Good for you, you know? Good for you. I just wanted everyone to see, visually, because I care so deeply about our listeners, how this episode has affected my psyche.
56:00All wounds are healed. All debts are repaid. I look forward to hosting a great episode. Mark, thank you so much for giving me such an epic stomp of a win. Wade, sorry I drew you like that, but I feel like it's pretty accurate. Hey, Sam, for the whole episode, can you just have that be me and just wink my mouth, that mouth? Sam, don't listen to him. Sam, don't listen to him. Come on, Sam. That wraps up this episode, except we had a surprise right there at the end. Bob broke the no drawing rule, so next time I host, he gets minus one point. Well, that was the only way we'll make it fair. I know that that's gonna be remembered so I'll look forward to it.
56:34It'll definitely be remembered. I'm sure Thank you all and be ready next time I host it is not going to be That sounds bad. It will be the perfect describe. Hey promises. I think hedging my favorite Everyone loves to hedge and with that, please subscribe to the podcast We are weekly for now. We will be Something else in the future. Who knows? Maybe we'll change the name of the podcast. We don't want to mix it up Replace all the members. Maybe we won't even be here We can only hope For the person who keeps track of the points and the score and the wins They watched all the way to the end to make sure they don't miss anything.
57:15They're going to put that point on there and they're going to mock you when you forget it The minus one point to me in the future. It's going to happen They'll keep you honest Look at that. Oh that your background. I see what you mean. I thought you meant you got the itinerary. Whatever. No, back when the monkeys thing happened, it was my background. I got a lot of confused tweets about that one. My skirm, Lord Manion 777. War Manion 777. Markiplier, distractible. Podcast out.
57:46Can you hear that? It's the calm, sugar, white, sandy beaches of St. Pete Clearwater. And if you listen closely, you'll hear the mmms coming from the epic restaurants, the cheers from sun-soaked music festivals, and the beat of our legendary nightlife scene. Before you hit play on your next song, text the group chat. It's time to plan a trip to St. Pete Clearwater. Learn more at visitspc.com. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.
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What do book fairs, dentists, and summer camp have in common? Well, the bible says...
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