Three Sentence Horror Stories

0:00For decades, a shadowy organization called the Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around. Lemon forward sodas, even lemon forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Join the 7up rising. Flip the sip. We just moved into our new house, and I didn't realize just how close we were to the neighbors. That's when my friend told me about Blinds.com. Blinds.com isn't a medication, but it can improve how you feel about your home.

0:43Customers who shop at Blinds.com experience excellent customer service, from consultation to installation. Side effects include increased privacy and better sleep. Talk to your partner today and see if Blinds.com is right for you. Visit Blinds.com to order your free samples. You're not worried about hosting for the holidays? Oh, Wayfair's got me covered with holiday decor, extra dining chairs, and guest bedding. All with tons of five-star reviews, so there's no surprises. Unless Uncle Matt brings his dogs again. For worry-free hosting, Wayfair delivers. This episode is presented to you by Battlefield 6.

1:18Rip through the skies in an aerial dogfight. Demolish your environment for strategic advantage. Harness complete control over every action and movement. Every aspect of Battlefield's core gameplay has been honed to feel more fluid, responsive, and immersive than ever before. And with more maps, modes, and ways to rally your squad, Battlefield 6 is the ultimate all-out warfare experience. Available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X, and S, and PC. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Ballzapping Bob has a Romeo offspring, enjoys glorious gaming, then brings back the heebie-jeebies.

2:01Web-like Wade has foot chafing, allows to bonk and pees himself. Bullskin Mark gives Hades a handy, bloods a pet, and wastes Wade's grasp on grammar. From living apart, to living on Luna. Yes! It's time for Three Sentence Horror Stories. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

2:36Hello and welcome back to another episode of Markiplier's Favorite Podcast. Eh? Can't confirm? It actually is. It is. Yeah, it is. Besides, of course The Edge of Sleep Out Now Season 1 Out Now Just like it has been for three years It's out now I'm not lying, it's true It's out now But anyway Mark Papplier's second favorite podcast We'll take it I feel like we deserve the top spot, but what can I do about it Anyway, I'm your host Bob I'm hosting because I won Which winning that episode Where we just sat on the couch and talked about whatever For like two hours Is an accomplishment in a way But also that was fun I wish that we could just do that more That was nice We'd have to be in The same place all the time Which is impossible Two of us are It's almost always been true too That's Not that's very untrue actually Yeah I guess unless you're saying that we lived Mark and I lived in the same state but we lived Pretty far away from each other in the same state How big can one state be Pretty big Pretty big Anyway if you've never seen the show before I'm the host because I won the last one these two guys are going to compete They get points for me the host And then whoever wins hosts the next one It's a very strict competition Points are awarded Points are awarded Very carefully and thoughtfully And not all in a haphazard and bullshit manner And we always follow all of the rules We have a very carefully planned out constitution Which we never forget parts of And we always enforce consistently and fairly So it's a really structured, really strict show that we run here So hopefully that's what you signed up for It's been a while since I hosted one So maybe I'm misremembering But I'm pretty sure that's accurate I do have an episode prepared for today And I'm pretty excited about it It might be a little revisit to an episode That we did about a year ago It might be kind of fun They're sentence horror stories Well we'll get to it when we get to it But we always start with small talk And it's been Like an actual well Like a week since Couch episode right Oh wait that's not the last episode Fuck no cut all that out Why didn't you say anything I did I said I won that one I was waiting for you to finish You said you won that one?

5:15Yeah Whatever Fuck it wasn't the couch I liked the couch episode The last one Whoever hosted that piece of shit Barely counts Who was? Who was it? Clearly I remember The couch one? No the one between this and the couch one Oh okay alright it was Wade It was Wade It was Wade Oh man you remember my Would you rather episode? It was really good Oh it was I thought it was Mark Okay well Sorry Wade Oh man it's cool How you doing man You want to You got small talk You want to go first Me Oh me Little old me I'm doing okay I'm doing pretty good We finally don't have people in our house And I don't know what to do about it It's like Can I sit in some peace and fucking quiet for a second I don't know I can come over if you want Bring James Yeah sure I like James And James really likes Molly So that's fine Yeah he loves Molly And whoever Molly's husband is It's pretty much Yeah the Dude Listen He's gonna be a He's gonna be a problem He is a ladies man And he can I wouldn't say he could barely walk Cause he's like running now Yeah that's true He did full out loops around me Yeah No he's got Blue eyes Blonde hair He's a big flirt He's always flirting with girls That are older than him At the playground His instinct If he sees any It's any kids But he gravitates Towards the girls But especially if they're like five to ten years older than him he immediately just walks up and it's like hi i'm james you want to hold hands he's gonna be like eight years old trying to go to prom well i think he had the day of his life one time we're at a park it was mostly a little kids park but there was a group of like high school girls that were like just hanging out off to the side just sitting talking in a circle and he was doing swings and whatever and he saw them and ran right over and sat down in the circle and didn't even introduce himself just sat down and they were all kind of like and just kept going and like included him because he was just a cute little kid and he just sat there and was like it's working

7:25my dreams are coming true and that's pretty much it for me I me I have a game that I'm actually playing and I'm super excited about it. So my brother famously can't get me gifts because I usually buy the cool things for myself right away But one thing I have not gotten is a switch to Because you know, I'm not gonna go on eBay and get that even though I go on eBay for deals not for me being Stealed they're accessible now. I don't think you have to you can just get them are they well I have one already. Yeah, you could you could just go get one. Well, don't diminish my brother's gift to me. Your brother did a great job Thank you, Bob.

8:01Maybe he got it before they were easily accessible. He did actually because he did he pulled away He bought it like six months ago, and then it was sitting in his closet ever since So but it's only because he wasn't playing it because he didn't have a game to play But then when he heard I didn't have one and wanted one he handed it to me and the first thing I got was Hades 2 Okay, I didn't even realize had come out your great thing. Oh my god. What a fun Fucking game. What a fun fucking game am I right? What a fun game. Fun. Is that - that's not what I thought that was about. Okay. Yeah, no a lot of a lot of that.

8:38Yeah, you know Hoonipop, but basically that but with the Greek gods. Yeah. Sure, sure. Aphrodite. Oh wait, uh killing. Sorry, did I say fucking? Same difference? One gives life one takes it away. Ooh, nurse. Oh, nurse. Oh. it's so I loved Hades one I played the crap out of it I love Hades two I love all the characters it's just so well polished it's the gameplay is so tight the story is so interwoven into it and um it's just so fun it's so fun it's like the same recipe that they had before it's very little has changed from one to another I'd have to do apple sale apples comparison to know exactly would change it but it feels really really really good oh it's super fun it's a roguelike game right yeah roguelike road roguelite whatever uh the terminology is uh i don't know if any rogue game is technically roguelike anymore because there's so many like spin-off sub types and i have no i think this one would have to be called roguelite because roguelike would be like the original rogue which you really didn't have upgrades coming out of there.

9:49Oh, okay. So this is the one where you get some upgrades over time. It's like you actually, roguelike is you literally start from scratch every single time, right? Yeah. Whereas this one is starting over as part of the story and it is part of the progression and it's actually the iterativeness is part of it and they've so integrated that into the gameplay and the rest of it that it's just super fun. Oh, man. I'm only a few hours into it, but oh, it's so good. It's so goddamn good. What a great game. I love that feeling. It's been a good stretch of games for me lately. I have not actually played Hades 2.

10:25I did like the first one, but I've also had a few games come out that are like not AAA titles, but still pretty big games. Dead Zone Rogue, Jump Space, Abyssus. These are all specific games where they're like first person. I'm playing Jump Space in a couple days. I've not played it yet. Yeah, it's so fun. Oh my God. But I get that feeling where you just play it and you're like, oh, this is exactly what I hoped it would be God, yes It's been a good stretch of that and I know they're like a sponsor or whatever This is this is not sponsored. I'm just excited battlefield is coming I'm excited for that based on the experience in the beta Oh, we've not got to play with mark but Bob and I played a bunch of it a serious stretch of fun stuff and we laughed our Asses off with some of the shenanigans.

11:11We did a combat medic No notes. No, it's gonna be beautiful. But yeah, I'm excited to play Hades 2 also cuz I do I like I like the first one. I like games like that. I just I didn't realize it was on switch 2 I might do that. I've heard mega bonk is good to make a bonk. That's what's called mega bonk mega bonk Haven't heard of it. I've had a lot of some people tell me that mega bonk is a lot of fun, too I don't know much about it. It's just another game. I've heard people talking about recently. Oh, it's got an interesting style I'm interested in just for it for the aesthetics right now. It looks like runescape But I think it plays like a way more enemies think it plays like a vampire survivor type thing.

11:51Oh, yeah Yeah, it's like those old arcade Top-down kind of adventure crawlers. I just see a skin a skeleton wearing sunglasses doing a kickflip So that's pretty much all I need to hear about sees a guy who looks kind of like Wolverine just flexing while rockets come out of his head Yep, yep, yep. Apparently a lot of good games right now. Yeah, it's been quite the stretch. Yeah, it's a good time for games, which is, I imagine this might be the last era of good games before the AI takes over and makes us all play terrible AI games for the rest of forever. I just hope Blueprints gets a sequel before then, or a DLC.

12:28The boring, stupid game that nobody likes. Look, man, some of us played the game, and some of us went to MS Paint and zoomed in for three hours. Look, hey, I solved it, didn't I? I solved the puzzle. I did eventually. You could have solved it in three minutes by, like, looking around. No, no. Looking around more like cheating. I don't do that. Yeah. Yeah, that was... Watching me play games is painful. Watching that was... It was something else. So fun, right? The opposite of painful. Watching that was the best experience of my life. Oh, you just had to find a magnifying glass, dude. That's it.

13:07I remember the first time I fell in love paled in comparison to my video of blueprints. One magnifying glass would have saved you all that pain. Who has a magnifying? Do you have a magnifying glass? No, he does not. In at least 30 % of my runs, probably. Oh, is that a thing in the game? Yeah. I haven't actually played that game, so I think it's fair for me not to know that. Didn't you play it? Shouldn't you know that, Mark? Why would I know that? I didn't get everything. I got to the first puzzle, and then I had to open MS Paint. You heard this guy. Dude, he went into like four rooms, saw a puzzle, and he's like, what if I take this to Photoshop?

13:44I did my due diligence. That's fair. Just because my diligence is more due than yours doesn't mean that I'm any... You had more dedication to solving that puzzle the hardest way possible than anyone I've ever met. Looking closely at it and tracing the letters, I think there were harder ways, and I was about to find them, but then I solved it. Well, I didn't solve it, but it was solved. Yeah, pretty bold to claim that that's the hardest way you could possibly solve that puzzle. He didn't even get barely started in that video. Man, it might have been easier to brute force the letters and just guess the password.

14:16I don't know. That was... There was a punishment for brute force. Wasn't there a punishment for not getting it right? There was a punishment. You couldn't do unlimited. Right? I had a self-imposed punishment for doing it. My testicular torture device was set to maximum every time I got it wrong. You guys don't have that no man. I keep mine on low. Oh, man. What a wuss. Yeah low I'm not a real gamer. I keep my ball zapper on low any other small talk anything else going on Those were really those were good ones even yours Wade. Thanks. I just stole James stories and made it my Oh, that counts. I'll allow it The Lemonade has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music.

15:09That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up. Flip the sip. We just moved into our new house and I didn't realize just how close we were to the neighbors. That's when my friend told me about Blinds.com. Blinds.com isn't a medication, but it can improve how you feel about your home. Customers who shop at Blinds.com experience excellent customer service, from consultation to installation. Side effects include increased privacy and better sleep.

15:51Talk to your partner today and see if Blinds.com is right for you. Visit Blinds.com to order your free samples. This episode is brought to you by Battlefield 6. Take on epic battlefield action with a whole new level of control. Drop into multiplayer with your squad or fight furiously as a member of the Dagger 1-3 squad in a single-player campaign. Harness and complete control over every movement in your aerial dogfights, close-quarter combats, and strategic demolitions using the kinesthetic combat system. Find out why Battlefield 6 is the ultimate all-out warfare experience. Available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X, and S.

16:27And PC! Keep it in! Keep that in!

16:33I'm excited for this today because we are going to be revisiting a video or an idea that I hosted about a year ago. And Wade, you had a guess as to what it might be, and you were close. Okay. But I'm going to give you the segue point. And by you were close, I mean you were pretty much right because we're doing three sentence horror stories. Three? Yeah, look, I know two was a lot to ask. And I know some of us had a hard time with some of that. Ooh! So I was like, well, how can we do this again? Because it is the scary season. It's that month when everything can be scary. What if I give you extra sentence to work with?

17:16So I'm still going to give you one sentence, and then you get two whole sentences to make it a scary story. Oh, don't look like that. This is for you. No, this is me excited. No, this is my excited face. I'm excited. You look excited. He's only excited because he's playing Hades 2 right now. Yeah. No. Mark's staring down at the Switch 2 like, need more Hades. Oh, no. I've got VFX questions. Oh, that's just as fun. Oh, it's so thrilling, guys. Don't worry. It's really good. We need more Houdini licenses. I hope you know. It sounds fun. Sounds like a great pastime. It is. Oh, man, it is. All right.

18:00Well, since I was going to flip a coin, but since Mark is busy, Wade, you get to go first. Yay! All right. Three sentence horror stories. I'm going to give you the first sentence and you're going to give me two follow up sentences to turn it into a horror story. I somehow feel like I'm going to be worse at this one than I was last time. Yeah. Well, the expectation is that you're going to crush it. So, yeah. But I feel like the one sentence I had the two sentence down. Adding an extra layer is like, okay, need a filler sentence. All right, Wayne. Start us off strong. I believe in you. As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different.

18:39The smell in the air was off. The feeling of the ground under my feet was off. Something was seriously wrong. Wasn't that too... These are commas. These are commas. These are commas. They're semicolons at best. Calm down here. They're commas. Unless he's doing the full Oxford comma, and he goes, comma, and. The smell in the air was off, comma. The feel of the ground under my feet was off, comma. These are just separate phrases. I would argue that those need to be separate sentences, sir, but okay. No, no, no, definitely comma, and then, and. It would be the feeling under my toes, feet. Crow lines.

19:19Commas with an and, with an and. Now I'm off my game. What was my punchline? Guys, third sentence. Start again. You can do it. Read me in. Read me in. As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different. Smell in the air, comma. A feeling of the ground under my feet, comma. And what I saw before me, it was all wrong. And that's when they appeared. He's out of sentences. We don't get to know, I guess. That's out of sentences, yeah. What do you mean, comma, two sentences in a row? I'm not a psychopath. That's that must be what's scary it's they they're scary that would have been the moment for a semicolon and that's when they appeared semicolon the Bulba nights

20:06I don't know what Bulba nights are but I don't like the look of it No, trust me. It really adds a lot whenever you give it another nonsense word I gotta save my I gotta save my goodness for my turn guys hold on don't give him my points Yeah, I can't wait for yours, man. Do you need a second, or are you? I'm good, hold on. I'm good, hold on. Go ahead, I'm ready. I'm good, comma, hold on, comma. I can have two conversations at the same time. I do it all the time. All right, Mark. Maybe what you need is a good distraction, because that'll free your mind for this to just be flow of consciousness. It's going to be great.

20:45As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different. Oh my god, do I get the same one that he does? Yeah, it's a face-to-face. Is that how that's worked last time? I don't remember. Yeah, no, I picked whose I liked more on each one, I believe. Maybe that's not what I did. That's what I'm doing now. Okay, all right. I'm so ready. Give it to me. Yeah, you're okay. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different. There was blood on the ceiling, comma, the floor, comma, the walls, comma, the desks, comma, and even my favorite Chia Pet.

21:28Oh no, it was loose. Oh? Oh? Oh? Man, you know, I was gonna protest that mine was better, but then he put blood on the Chia Pet, and I don't know if I can top that. My favorite Chia Pet. Not his favorite. The Abraham Lincoln Chia Pet. Yeah, you're right. If you don't feed him and clean up his poop, he'll die. Wait, those were Tamagot. That was, never mind. That was a different thing. Chia Pet's like the plant. No, the Abraham Lincoln one will die as well, and it will be very tragic. You'll know when the play starts. Chia Pet's the one where that grass grows out and gives it hair, right? Yeah, the grass, not the chia.

22:06Yes. I didn't know chia was a type of grass. I just thought it was the brand. Chia's a thing you can eat. Chia seeds are commonly put into like overnight oats and things of that nature. You can eat them. Listen as a child It was grass and he grew grass out of pigs and people. Literally named the thing that grows on it. Well, I didn't know that. Wade didn't have Chia pet money. Wade grew up with grass pets. I had the little keychain of the frog that poops and you have to feed it for it to grow. I think that was more expensive. Well, that's what I had man. We were rich poor. Wade didn't have to settle for plants.

22:39We were on the richer end of poor so I got that. I never had a Chia Pet so I guess I can't really say but... Alright. Mark are you ready? Uh yeah. Uh huh. I had never been to Ikea before, but this is not what I expected. Oh... Oh... Uh oh... These are in Swedish!

23:05Is that a comma or a period between them? That was an uh-oh exclamation. These are in Swedish.

23:19All right, Wade, if you want to just concede this. I'm crushing it this time. I'm crushing it. How can I follow that up? If you want to just concede this point, I'll allow that. But it is your turn to try and compete. I knew too. I knew an extra sentence was all Mark needed to really get there I feel like I have to try. It makes it look even better. All right, wait here. We go I had never been to Ikea before but this was not what I expected The long hallways were mazes mazes I couldn't find the end of and the people were definitely dead Hallways were mazes comma

24:01I just don't think that these that's I think that that's two sentences. I'm sorry, man If you use commas in that way, I will allow it I do I'm not gonna comment on whether I think that's correct or not Grammatically because it's pretty subjective what is or is not correct, but I would ask how I would write it But I will allow it doesn't really matter cuz I think mark takes that one No, no, that's fair. Pretty much open and shut case. How can I beat this sentence? Uh-oh. It's really hard. In a horror movie, you hear, uh-oh, that's bad news, guys. And then Swedish, I mean, man, hearing Ethan go, the burg again?

24:39Truly terrifying. Swedish. That was not Sweden, man. Sweden had good food. Yeah, they did. I do actually remember eating there. Never eat so many meatballs. All right, Wade, are you ready? All right, go ahead. My little dog Biscuit had always been so affectionate. But something was different today. This was no longer my dog. I could see that getting kind of scary. Kind of horror-y. I'm just shooting for average, you know? Just going for average. Oh man. You guys have me afraid of commas now, so we're just going in with a short, sweet, sweet, short... This is the psychological warfare I've put out on my opponent.

25:16It's working, it's working, I've got this. It's working, it's working. I'm warfaired. It's Mark's episode. Alright, Mark, I'll read you in. I'm ready. My little dog, Biscuit, had always been so affectionate. Until our cat, Gravy, came along. Now, uh, they're too busy loving each other instead of me. Yeah,

25:43Biscuit's a gravy, you know, Biscuit. It's a great pun, yeah, I love it. I threw the name in there to sort of amp on. I could see that. Yeah, no, that's good. Sorry, I didn't mean to make everyone cry. I was going to say, man, it was so scary. It brought tears to my eyes. So I should have run to the cry toilet instead of the pooping toilet. Yeah, no. The thought of your pets liking each other is terrifying. What's that warning you always throw out there, Mark? You're going to shit. You're going to shit. You should have warned us. You got to listen to this episode in the bathroom. Have you guys ever shat yourself in fear?

26:17No. In fear? No. Does it count if I was afraid I was gonna shit myself and then I shit myself? No, no, that's not it. Because that might help. No, because it's like in media you see characters piss themselves all the time in fear, shit themselves all the time, but you hear about that I've never come close to peeing my pants in fear or pooping my pants in fear, and I've played a lot of horror games. Maybe that's just because I haven't been in a real situation where my life has been threatened, but I just feel is that exaggeration i've had friends piss themselves from laughing but never fear because of how my brain works i have actually thought about this exact question a lot mark and i've arrived at the conclusion that it must be that i don't know i don't know if people just live at a higher like level when my tanks get any amount full like a perceivable amount full pee or poo i'm just like i'll hit the bathroom and i keep i keep it on e i'm that person when i play a survival game i keep my food and water up and i keep my sleep up and i keep everything else empty and i'm like obsessive about it people must live like they're like i should probably hit the bathroom suit oh i kind of got to pee and then like suddenly you're in the middle of a horror scenario or something and it like you get so scared you just happens i was recently we hung out in person we recorded that podcast episode then we went to grab food so as we were leaving in the house I was like I should probably hit the bathroom before we go but everyone's ready to go I'll just go when we get to the restaurant completely forgot to go and went to the restaurant I got halfway home from there and it hit and it was like oh gas station 15 more minutes I can make it 15 more minutes dude it was close he ruined his new car thankfully it had already been waterlogged so any additional liquid damage didn't do anything thank god it was just the rental yeah everybody at home I saw Wade's car It's sad he keeps going to the rental place and renting the exact same one It's like please my friends have to believe me can I have that one back please?

28:15What do you mean it's in Florida? You must stop pissing in it sir. You must please I thought it was pissed to own once I rented it's mine. I'll do what I want It's aren't you guys supposed to clean it this to own I thought that was funny with thanks scrub it Clean it. Oh, I thought you meant to the editor scrub that joke out of it. I was like I thought that was funny. Thanks editors kill it

28:44That would have been funnier we got to keep this be fresh All right mark you ready no god. Oh, yeah, yeah, no this one's a good setup. I think you're gonna kill this one Mm-hmm Drake you came all the way from Pennsylvania You don't you don't remember who who this is I remember this But how am I gonna play off of Wade's bit there and when he's right standing right there show him up Can I help him? Here's what you do mark you give two sentences

29:18Yeah, okay, uh, yeah, okay. Give me the name again. Drake you came all the way from Pennsylvania Yes, I did dot dot dot to kill you Said the Pennsylvania stabber