7. How to Be the Person Everyone Listens To

0:00For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters. Tremphaya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphaya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremphaya, proper training is required. Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them, and liver problems may occur.

0:40Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit Tremfierradio.com. Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast! An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, may apply.

1:30Hey parents, how do you make smarter choices for your kids' college today? That's where Sally can help. With Sally, you can find scholarships, funding options, tools, and guidance all in one place. And if you need a loan, Sally has options for different families and different situations. College is only worth it if you do it right. So don't just help your kid go. Help them go smarter. sally.com slash go parents.

2:09Hello and welcome to Doing It Anyway, the show where we rethink challenges, build up confidence, and learn how to, yes, do it anyway. So over the course of this series, you have sent in so many amazing questions for the past six weeks that I wanted to do this little extra episode and jump in and answer some of them. We've had questions ranging from struggling to returning after maternity leave, making an impact when working remotely and dealing with that dreaded office drinking culture. And who better to join me in answering them than my friend, the host of Morning Joe, Mika Brzezinski. Welcome, Mika.

2:45I'm so glad to be back. Thank you. Oops, sorry. Katty, you have a phone call. Oh, my God. I have a phone call that's just gone. You know what? You made your phone call in a Zoom, by the way. Guys, there's your first tip. I'm probably going to get far. Yes. Don't have your phone on. Everything off. And by the way, when you're doing this, look, in a Zoom, they know you're texting. So don't. I know. There you go. I know. Okay, before we jump in, we wanted to bring in Fiona Douglas, who is our producer of this program. First of all, Fiona, to say thank you for getting this off the ground and being such a champion of it.

3:23But also because you have something you wanted to say to Mika. And I wanted to talk about that before we answer the questions. Yeah, Mika, I wanted to tell you after your episode went out in week one, three different people got in touch with us to tell us that not only had they used your advice, it worked. So three different people messaged to say that they'd got pay rises. Oh, my gosh. I love hearing that. That is incredible. So anyone who has not heard Mika's first episode, go back because you could be, it's like winning a raffle ticket. You could be the person that then gets a pay raise as a result of listening to that ticket.

3:59It's amazing advice that you had. And Fiona, thank you for sharing that with us. This episode is presented by Vanguard. When it comes to investing, many of us feel totally out of our depth and we just don't know where to start. And we can't be blamed for that. A lot of us simply don't have the time or the confidence to take the first steps. And that's where Vanguard can help. With their managed ISA, Vanguard's experts do the hard work for you. They'll match you to an investment plan that feels right for you. And then they'll handle the rest. No second guessing, just smart professional management.

4:36So stop wondering how to start investing and start making your money work harder. Search Vanguard Managed ISA to find out more. When investing, your capital is at risk. Tax rules apply.

4:51So, Mika, it really was a fantastic episode. You kicked off the whole season, our very first season of doing it anyway. We've been thrilled by the response. And so I wanted to bring in some of these questions that were great questions. Here, this is right up your alley. This is from Penny Donnell. She has written to ask, how do I develop leadership presence as a woman? And do you have any presentation tips? You've been a great help for me on this over the years as we both work in television. I think it's a question that anyone, male or female, should be thinking about in the office. Oh my gosh, absolutely.

5:25And you've been a great help to me. It's literally like the confidence code and know your value goes hand in hand in the answer to this question. Literally, you want to have what's called presence when you're in a room. And that is a physicality. It's your posture. It's what your face is doing. It's how much you speak. It's how much you retain information and engage and how much you fill the space in the room with your vibe, if I may, as the young kids say. But even more so, it's about confidence, which Caddy teaches. And you only get that by banking it, by taking chances, by trying to speak in a meeting and maybe not doing so well.

6:10And that mistake teaches you something and you build that muscle and you build confidence over time that adds to your presence. So if you mix a little bit of the confidence code advice on banking confidence, and know your values advice on posture, how you dress, don't distract from your face, from your voice. Speaking of that, voice is key. Like if you hear my voice right now, it's fabulous. It's a really good voice. It's got like a robust, rich quality to it. You want to hear more. It's positive sounding. It's calm sounding, even though I'm a totally hyperactive person. But when I'm engaged and I'm focusing, that voice is in the pocket.

6:58And I'm assuming, Mika, that didn't come out of nowhere. I mean, this was not something that just happened. This is as trained as an opera singer. Right. Okay. If I was, if I would go with 20-year-old me starting out and I'm 59. My voice was way up here and it was in my neck and I would talk really fast. And if you can hear that, you must be annoyed. I'm using my hands a lot and I'm, you know, it's just all too much. But the voice is the, it's the revealer of all your secrets, of all your stress, of all that ails you in your quest for success. And again, a calm, rich, robust voice that is used like this with a lot of control and a lot of timing is effective and adds to your presence.

7:52And even in the Zoom, I've got more presence than the two of you put together right now because of the way I'm presenting. And that's important. I think I've just had a masterclass in that. And I think all of you, anyone who wasn't watching on YouTube, make a point of watching that on YouTube because we have just had a masterclass. And it is true that you can control these things and you can learn them. A couple of other things that I would say that I've noticed for younger women and something that I've actually done research on is one is a tendency to apologize for your comments, which reflects a lack of confidence.

8:25And even in emails, this is super easy, guys. Just take out the word just. I just wanted to check whether you were OK. I just wanted to follow up. I wanted to follow up. I wanted to check if you're OK. Just take it out. It's so easy, but it projects something so much more confident. And that then inspires confidence in the people who are talking to you. I would say no just and no but. Use yet. Interesting. I promise. It's so interesting. It's a tweak that in a lot of communications, just no buts, no buts. Sometimes these are just little tricks and they are worth learning. OK, Joy has asked, how do you create influence with an organization while working remotely?

9:13This is a hard one. And I know you have thoughts about this, Mika, and you and I have spoken about this. Yeah. Yeah. So I think you can have a lot of influence and impact in a remote situation. Again, if you command the screen. Okay. So a little bit about what we were just talking about. You can do, you can fill up a screen. You can be so engaged that it's like, wow, I can't wait for the next Zoom with Mika. I'm going to learn so much and she's going to bring so much to the table. So it's possible. I'm all about, especially for women, work being flexible. That's the future. So I don't want to say you must go in.

9:53You must go in. You know, the only way to succeed at work is to go in. Because I know that guys do what they want. And we should do what we want to, but we have to own it. And no, we don't need to work harder because we're doing it this way or be grateful. We just need to own it and to fill up that screen. That's number one. Number two, I would say that making an effort to meet the people that you work with and to see them in person from time to time is really important. If you can get a hybrid situation, that's best. And you make most of that in time. If you are completely remote, I suggest you go in for like meetings or lunch and not, you know, because you're asking for something.

10:37Like go in to have that connection from time to time. And if you are remote and you are in a different state, I would suggest getting on a plane and making that effort to have lunch with your manager or your colleagues to show that you care. And I would even like eat that cost. I would just and they'd be like, why are you here? And you'd be like, I just wanted to, you know, I'm really grateful for the remote opportunity. At the same time, I want to know who I work with and I want you to see me in person and to know that I'm here to show up for it in every way. I just think the efforts like that go a long way.

11:18And at the same time, I think it is absolutely possible to command the screen. I have a daughter, my oldest daughter, Maya, who works entirely remote. Her whole company is remote. So maybe that helps a little bit. But I know that she makes I was thinking of that thing of making in time person because I know she makes a real effort. For example, if she's in New York or she's in D.C., she lives out in Seattle. But if she's on the East Coast and some anyone from her company is in any city that she's visiting, whether they are a direct report to her or whether they are a boss of hers or not, whether it's just somebody from the company, she'll make an effort just to go and have a coffee.

11:54And I think that goes a long way. It's not just that the meeting helps. It's just that you've shown that you are committed to the company. But I do think as well, you probably have to work a little bit harder to bring extra energy to Zoom meetings and make sure that you are. It's a bit like a performance. It's a bit like what we do in television, right, Mika? It's not just sitting there for two hours. Chich, I know how much energy you bring when you're on television. And that's what you kind of need to bring to those Zoom meetings. everyone's on television now everyone's on television you're right our offices are now television studios that's what we are so you have to do that yeah okay do you want to take the next one mika from anna anna how do you change careers how do you change careers when you've been doing the same thing for 20 years wow katie i think we're both terrible for this one because i mean we both have been doing what we've been doing i've been in the business i've been since i was 14 And I will tell you this.

12:56I think that we are in the age of the pivot. We're in the age of reinvention. My 50 over 50 list, which exploded to a global list, we're in our sixth year now of celebrating 200 women in the U.S., 200 in different regions around the world. These are women who are having an impact after the age of 50. I love this program because it's all about careers lasting for a long time. reaching their highest heights, finding happiness, and making their most money in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. So I would definitely say that it's fully possible to pivot, to reinvent, and that open mind and that, by the way, openness to learning AI everywhere you can is going to help you with the pivot.

13:46I will also say there are times when you learn what your calling is. And I know when I was fired from CBS News, I was out of work for a year and I was very sad about it. I had just turned 40 and I was like, I guess I'm out. I guess like this is the year that I have to find a different way to support my family. And I was really, really sad about it, But I kept looking for jobs in different industries. I applied for every type of TV job. And as I suspected, I was not accepted or even I got interviews that went terribly. We can talk about that and different question. But I applied for a PR job and I went in for an interview and it went really well.

14:35Really big PR company in New York City. I went in for a second interview and went really well. It was for a VPPR job in New York City. And I think it made well over$300 ,000. And this would have definitely solved my financial problems at the time. And they brought me in for what was going to be the handshake to accept it. And I remember I was in my pickup truck. And I went up the hill by my house. and the truck literally just stopped. It broke and broke down. And I put it in park and I had my hand over the steering wheel. And I was like, I'm gonna have to pay for this, whatever this is, this pickup truck just broke.

15:22And I can't take that job. That's what I said to myself. Those two thoughts came into my mind at the same time. I can't take the job and how am I gonna pay for this truck? And I knew someone who actually was about to get fired from CBS. in the same kind of wave that I was fired from. And I called them up and I said, I can't take this job. It would be dishonest. I don't want it. But I do know someone who's absolutely perfect for it. And by the way, I believe she is still there. And that was like over 20 years ago. And I was like, I'm just, this is the only thing I can do. And I want to tell stories.

15:58And I've got to figure out how to be in TV, even though TV won't have me. And I called my agent, fired my agent. I called MSNBC where I had worked years before and I said, what do you have? And they said, they don't have, we don't have anything you'd want. And I said, don't worry about what I would want. What do you have? And they said, we have part-time day rate, overnight anchor hourly rate, which was a job 15 years before I maybe would have thought no way. And I was like, I'll take it. and um three months later the morning joe slot opened up and i was auditioned for it and the rest is that history but the bigger thing was i i realized in the pivot that i wasn't pivoting that i knew that there was one place i needed to be i think this is the way i would think about this question think not of the career itself and the job title think of the skills that you use every day to do that job.

17:00And then think, where could I take those skills and use them in another area? Because I'm sure there are skills around communication, meeting deadlines, maybe budgeting, maybe strategic thinking, being detail oriented, being, you know, with people, client facing. There's probably skills in your job that you're transferable to hundreds of other jobs. And so I think that's the way to think of it. Think of your skill set rather than the silo of the career set. And then it's up to you to build the narrative around what you've done as you proposition the future employer on making this shift. And sometimes actually the idea that somebody is making a shift and they've thought really hard about it could be quite appealing.

17:45I've done this for 20 years. I've learned all of these things. And now I'm really ready to take on this new challenge because you're probably not going to take on a new challenge unless you really want to do it. But again, it's a bit like what you said at the beginning, Mika. I think it's about the communication. If you go into that interview or job discussion sounding super enthusiastic, informed, prepped, intelligent about the way you're going about this rather than kind of, oh, my God, I just need a change. Then I think you're going to find it much easier. But think about the skills. Don't think about the career.

18:17OK, this is from Toby, who has written to us. Thank you, Toby. And said, I've just graduated from university and all of my friends have landed internships and jobs through their parents or family friends. I don't have any connections like this. What's the best way to get my foot in the door? This is a great question, Toby. And it's a really hard time. Everybody is using connections. You've got to just because your family and your immediate people and you're we've got to develop connections. You've got to figure out how to network and meet people and show up at whatever it is that you are interested in, where there's something to show up at.

18:55It is everybody's got to think of a workaround in this economy. and um oh i think that's you know i think that's just made me think mika toby you do have connections you've just gone through a three or four year university course you have professors exactly you have teachers you have people who you've come across during the course of your career you have friends the career counseling office right you have the career counseling office you've made friends they may know somebody they may have parents who know somebody i think broaden it out rather than thinking my small network of people is not that well connected, broaden your circle and make an effort to reach out to those people.

19:37Because, you know, I found is that most people want to help. I really think given an opportunity, people will help. I completely agree. And I think you nailed it. He does have a community. It's just maybe doesn't look like what his best friends or whoever. And again, it's showing up in person, going back and meeting with a professor, getting them to really jog their mind to think about how they can help you. And it can take a while. But you probably have it. I don't know if you have this, Mika, my kids' friends have often asked me or my husband for help, whether it's applying for an interview and interview prepping or do I know somebody?

20:20And we're always super happy to help. In fact, I feel grateful when somebody younger, when my kid's friend's age asks me for help. And I'm pretty sure, Toby, that you have friends who have parents who would be more than happy to help you. You just have to ask them. Okay, this is from Blake Geraldine. I'm loving these questions. Is it possible to learn? Oh my God. This is such a good question. Is it possible to learn how not to take things personally yes it's a great question let me let me explain how this works who's this person who's this is from blake blake geraldine blake is blake a female i'm thinking blake is female okay blake you just gotta get through menopause okay because you gotta wait another 40 years yeah you gotta get through and then you know what you will get something do you guys have the bleep?

21:16We have a bleep. So you get something called the f**k it. Okay. When you pass menopause, literally your answer to everything is f**k it. And then you don't care. What was the question again, Katty? Because menopause is the answer. Is it possible to learn how not to take things personally? Absolutely. Trust me. You pass menopause and you're like that seriously are you serious the confidence that you get from menopause i mean those hot sweats i don't know what it is but i loved it i wish out the anxiety i'm telling you i wish that happened a lot earlier in my life it would have saved a lot all right so how do we unfortunately if you are 25 or 30 you are a way off menopause okay how do we bottle that i'm trying to think okay you know the movie where oh see no all these kids are too young they need to watch when harry met sally oh and the lady's doing the fake orgasm yes meg ryan okay does the fake and then the other lady says i'll have what she's having yeah okay young people you just say you'll have what we're having okay because we have it and it's good it is so good not to care what people feel.

22:36It is so important not to worry about what other people are thinking of you. You have got to use that place in your brain to focus. Okay. It does not matter. And by the way, everything you wear, all of this stuff, it needs to be comfortable. So you're not thinking about what other people are thinking. You need to be completely yourself and completely comfortable. And also it really does not matter what the S that person is thinking over there or over there or over there. Anthony has this great expression that he says his grandma, who I imagine was probably post-menopausal. So thank you, Anthony's grandma.

23:14Mrs. Scaramucci used to say to him, which is what other people think of you is none of your business. Exactly. I think that's a great one. It's like, you know, and anyway, OK, here's another way to think of this, Blake. You are not everybody else's headline. No, probably not actually thinking about you anyway. And if they are, it is for a nanosecond because most people are so self-absorbed and so busy and have so many problems and issues of their own that they are wrapped up in their own issues. They don't have time to really be thinking about your issues or the way you look or the way you are or whether you turned up late or whether you were annoying in the meeting or whether you stumbled or whether you blushed.

23:56They're just not thinking about it anymore. Blake, you need to get to the point where you don't care either. Okay. So like, like you're not interested even in your like, really, you need to get to the point where you don't care. Like, so you can just let it like let the good stuff come out. And it's fun. That's the one regret I have is that I cared too much too long. Me too. I cared so much for too long. Yeah. And I'm not I'm quite a people pleaser. And I'm also not very confrontational. And it leads to bad decisions. And it's not actually very fair on everybody else around you either. So I hope that helped, Blake.

24:32You may be a way off menopause, but it's going to get great. Don't worry. It's going to be really, really good in a few years time. OK, Priya is asking, I'm returning from maternity leave. AI has changed the workplace. Yes. What advice would you give? This is a really good question, Priya. I mean, there's so much information out there now, unfortunately, on how AI is compounding gender roles in the workforce and how much less women are using AI, which is super interesting in the workforce. There was a study that came out from the Brookings Institution with GovAI that found that the 6 million workers most exposed to AI and least equipped to adapt to them, 86 % of those 6 million were women.

25:18So our jobs are the most exposed to AI and we are the least equipped to adapt to AI. So I'm glad that you're thinking about this because you need to be thinking about this. We need to be in a position where we are the ones. I think you said it right just now in totally different context Mika learn AI use it yeah just use it I mean there's courses um I will tell you I have the pleasure of hanging out with Martha Stewart and she is always on AI and she in fact she uses Claude and she'll she has like a relationship with Claude she'll be like Claude um I need to understand more about Mika Brzezinski's mother's art can you tell me about it please and I'm like Martha you're so polite to Claude and her Claude has a very handsome British accent um but my bigger point is AI is among us it is all around us it is the future get on the train I mean and if you feel behind don't worry because it's going to jump ahead like by 100 by tomorrow.

26:24Just get on. Yeah. Better late than never. It really is. And it is. Now I've also started because I have it. Ask the people around you for help on this, particularly anyone under the age of 25, because they get it far more intuitively than I do. I have an amazing person I work with, and he is always helping me use Claude and not just to kind of find things, but to refine my thinking, like taking it to one next level. How do I think about the prompts that will get me the piece of research that will actually help me refine the way I think? So you can do that. There are plenty of online courses you can do to use AI.

27:02There's loads of help you can get using it. But I think this is one where you are going to have to use it. And it's just going to be one of those things that you're going to have to feel comfortable enough with as you go back from maternity leave. And by the way, congratulations on your maternity leave. Well done. Mia Edin is asking, I'd love to hear more about how confidence intersects with culture, especially for women leading multicultural teams. And there's another question on this. How can I demonstrate confidence cross-culturally without being seen as aggressive by one culture, assertive by another and not assertive enough by a third, especially if I'm hoping to be respected, come across as competent, and hopefully also be a bit liked.

27:43Wow, that's thinking a lot about how you come off, which I think is problem number one. I mean, we do our 3050 Summit, and we have women from 69 countries attending. And it takes place in the Middle East. And I mean, it's the exact forum where you might worry about something like this. And I think that the women who were the most successful on stage exhibited strength, warmth, and confidence. Those three things. And every woman has the capacity to exude that, especially when they are talking about what they're passionate about. So if you are strong, if you are warm, and if you are confident, you will be able to have a positive impact across many cultures.

28:34And I think it's important that you don't get too lost in all those questions and to trying to cater to different needs. You've got to be yourself. And if you're warm and graceful and open-minded and strong and confident, that's really the, but quite frankly, that's my advice for any woman about to go on any stage, whether it's multicultural or one-dimensional, is that the way to really break through is to be strong, warm, and confident. And then when you master that, and you really, I used to, before I would do the CBS Evening News, I would write strength, warmth, confidence on a piece of paper in front of me.