Build a Network to Help Build Your Business with Lori Harder: An EOFire Classic from 2021

0:01Light that spark fire nation JLD here and welcome to entrepreneurs on fire the only daily show interviewing the world's top entrepreneurs seven days a week. Today, we're pulling a classic episode from the archives, and we'll be breaking down how to build a network to help build your business. To drop these eye bombs, I brought to Lori Harder in the EO Fire studios. Lori is the founder and CEO of Light Pink, a new light rose flavored wine seltzer that helps women connect, collaborate, and celebrate better. She is a bestselling author and hosts the Forbes Top 11 Business Podcast with 30 million plus downloads.

0:34And today, Fire Nation, we'll talk about how sometimes your next step is not a step. It's a leap. Look at the really big one and start thinking how you can take that leap first and oh, so much more. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Lori and our sponsors. Have you ever said to yourself, one day I will write a book? If yes, then I have an opportunity for you. Author 100 is a 100-day program where I will personally guide you one-on-one to create, write, publish, and market your book. I will provide daily guidance and mentorship every step of the way, head over to author100.com to sign up for a free call with me to chat about the details.

1:14Author100.com. Lori, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. What's up, Fire Nation? I'm so excited to be here. And the thing that I disagree with is that if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. I think if you want it done your way, you have to do it yourself. But I've become so open to not thinking my way is the right way and that it could actually be done better by somebody else. And that has freed me up so much. All we have is time, Fire Nation. Do you literally want to spend your single finite resource of time doing all the things?

1:59Or do you want to find people that are actually good at doing those things that you maybe are good at? And now you can scale and leverage your time. And oh, by the way, maybe focus on the things that you are good at and do just that. So as I mentioned in the intro, this is all about building a network to build your business. And I'm pretty fascinated, Lori, because I've been following you for quite some time now. And you came out with a business called Light Pink. And I talked a little bit about it in the introduction already. But I would love for you to take us through the journey that started this idea that brought it to life?

2:35So I grew up in a really small town. I was actually from a bit of a restrictive religious background. And I share that because I was only allowed to associate with people within my church. And so I led a really kind of isolated life. And this followed me through my adult life, my adult career. And I kind of felt like I had to do things on my own. I became more of a solopreneur. I really started to start to see and understand when I started hearing about what other entrepreneurs were doing with masterminds and connecting and that they were finding all of this success together. And I really wanted to, I was curious.

3:21I wanted to know what that even was, like how were they networking? How were they helping each other? And so I started really getting into these groups and asking a lot of questions and starting to understand what it even meant to, you know, network with people or help other people and have them help you. And I started to learn that this was literally the secret to everything. And so I started connecting other women because I found that it was so much easier with help and how do we actually start connecting and asking for what we need. And I think, especially as women, um, a lot of the women that I talk to, we, we want to do it all ourselves.

4:04And I know there's plenty of men out there who feel the exact same way. And, you know, you feel like you get some sort of prize if you're doing every single thing yourself. So I started these different communities about getting together and finding your network and teaching them how to network, teaching them how to ask the right questions, teaching them how to be awkward and get out of your own way and start connecting and really using each other and knowing that you don't have to do it all yourself. And so I wrote a book on it. I did events on it. I kind of reached this place where I was like, wow, I've, you know, coming from where I came from, I've reached all of the things that I wanted to reach and do all of the things that I wanted to do.

4:43I had the bestselling book. We had the masterminds. We were doing all the things. And yet I was feeling another pivot coming on. I was like, oh my gosh, I wanted to connect these people. And I, you know, I wrote this book and it made an impact, uh, but it didn't make the impact that I wanted it to make because I really want like mainstream people who aren't reading books. I want women who necessarily still feel lost and like, they don't have their tribe or their people that they're connecting with, or they don't know how to network and they're doing this thing alone. I was like, where are those people?

5:13I want to reach those people. And I realized a lot of those people are still connecting at networking events or they're trying to connect over cocktails, except they're leaving and they're wishing, you know, they're leaving with a hangover and no connections or they're leaving feeling like, oh my God, are we ever going to get past the surface level? So this is where the cocktail came in. And I thought, how can I make that a better experience to connect over cocktails? And we're so intentional with everything else we do. Why wouldn't we be intentional with a better drink that gives back to women?

5:41And that also has questions on the back of the can that are like three really pointed questions that are going to get them the answers that they're actually going to these things and trying to connect at these places that it actually gives them the answers that they are looking for that could help them collaborate with someone that could be their answer to their next you know business idea that they're going to have that could be their next business partner so I thought what if I could create the centerpiece of connection and change the conversation that we're having while connecting over cocktails.

6:10And I know that for me, I always wanted a little bit lighter drink, like I love wine, but I'm always like, this feels a little bit heavy. Why couldn't we do something a little lighter that actually tastes good? Because I was like looking around at some of these events going, do I really, do we really like drinking vodka and soda? Like this tastes like crap. Do we really actually all like this? I'm just wondering. So it just threw me down this rabbit hole of, I want to have more fun in my career. I want to create something where I can also invite other women in and they can own a part of it because I don't want to go down the solopreneur journey alone.

6:45I want something that gives back. I want something where I can be at different events. I can add value to different people's events and different things. I want to be out in the world really connecting, not connecting other people while I'm a solopreneur. So that's where this idea came from. I love all of this for so many reasons. And I mean, that one phrase that you used, we need to change the conversation we're having while we're having a drink. I mean, like Fire Nation, that's the thing is like, we are meant to be with others. We are meant to connect. We're meant to engage. I don't care how much of an introvert you are.

7:16You need to connect with other humans. And what better way to do that than sitting around having a drink, whether it's a LaCroix, a Perrier, or if you want a little alcohol in there, then you could do something else like the light pink and other things around here. And I had to kind of chuckle too, because I was literally just at Funnel Hacking Live, Russell Brunson's event. And all of us speakers went out that night and we're all sitting around there. I went up to the bar and I'm just like, what are my options here? Like I literally am speaking tomorrow in front of 3000 people live. I don't want to be drinking a vodka soda and I don't want to be drinking a beer because I don't drink beer.

7:53I mean, it's just for a lot of reasons I don't want to. And there just wasn't that many options there. And I'm just like, man, this is kind of frustrating because I wouldn't mind having something to sip on here while I'm hanging out, playing a cornhole, singing karaoke, having some fun, but the options just weren't there. And I love how you literally solved your own issue, how you scratched your own itch. And that is so important for our nation when you're able to identify an itch and then say, why isn't this being scratched? And I kind of want to keep moving on here because one of the big themes we're going to be talking about here today is how we can reach our highest potential through both self care and self-love.

8:32So you've woven this in to light pink. So give us some examples of this. Talk to us about self-care and self-love. Well, this is so interesting because, you know, as, as an entrepreneur and, you know, as you talk to so many entrepreneurs, I think that you can start to, to like hear this theme and this myth. Like if you are not burning out, if you're not working all day, like every successful story I hear, they're like, I was up all night. I was, you know, I was so burnt out for seven years. I didn't have a life. And I was like, gosh, that's real scary. I don't think I even want to start out on that journey if I'm going to be burnt out, if I'm going to gain weight, feel terrible, lose my friends, lose my family.

9:15That doesn't feel very good to me. What if that was just a story? And what if you could do it different? And self-care comes in so many different forms. I'm going to just give you an example of self-care for me right now is letting other people be wrong about me. That is one of the biggest forms of self-care that I'm practicing right now is to let go of other opinions and free myself up of space and give myself peace of mind. And other forms of self-care are massive boundaries with my family. other forms of self-care are you know maybe cutting out a friend who is not treating you right anymore and no matter how much you've had the conversation that you are not you know you're not making any headway and I think a lot of times we think of self-care as like okay oh yeah I got to book that massage well if a massage right now in this season of your life feels more stressful than good maybe there's some other ways that you can clear that space but I think as an entrepreneur where it's like, what feels like the most nurturing thing that I can do for myself right now?

10:18And sometimes it's supporting your mental headspace. Sometimes it's finding a, you know, support group or a mastermind that feels really nurturing to something that's trying to get out into the world. So I think it's different seasons of self-care and what that looks like. I love that phrase that you used, supporting your mental health space. I mean, think about that, at Fire Nation, how often do you really get intentional about supporting your mental health space? What does that look like? Whether it might be family or friends or whatever other parameters it might be. It could be unhealthy food.

10:55It could be working too much. It could be doing any number of things. What are you doing every single day to support your own personal mental health space? And I love how we're kind of walking through this journey that you've been through as well, you know, from coming from, you know, a very, very restricting childhood and how you've kind of been able to weave that into who you now are today. And you're kind of now weaving that into what Light Pink is all about. And you're able to really understand what this process can look like for other people as well. And Fire Nation, we have a lot to talk about.

11:31We're going to be talking about why it's scary to pivot your business as you're building and I want to talk about building your own network and some big keys there when we get back from thanking our sponsors. One of the most impactful things I've done on my entrepreneurial journey is publish a book. It's a way to package up my knowledge and experience and share it with a worldwide audience in a meaningful way. It also serves as an evergreen marketing tool to help grow my business for years to come. I believe that everyone has a book inside of them. So if you're ready to publish a book with maximum impact, then I've got exciting news.

12:08I'm launching a brand new mentorship program called Author 100, where you have the opportunity to work with me one-on-one for 100 days. Author 100 will include weekly one-on-one calls and daily guidance from me to help you every step of the way from drafting to writing to publishing and even marketing your book. Over the past 12 years, I've self-published five books, including one of the top five publishing campaigns of all time on Kickstarter, the Freedom Journal. I've also traditionally published with HarperCollins, so I know a lot about the book publishing world and where most authors go wrong.

12:42I created Author 100 to share my experience and the lessons I've learned along the way, and I can't wait to share it with you. If you're interested in learning more, head over to author100.com and sign up for a free call with me. That's author100.com. So Lori, we're back, And as I mentioned before the break, change is scary. I mean, it can be really, really scary. In fact, change is one of the scariest things for people. I mean, you know, they have this saying, this is like, oh yeah, like they're just set in their ways. They're not really necessarily set in their ways. What people are is they're scared to change because it can be terrifying to the human core.

13:23It's like against what we want to do. And that's why entrepreneurs are so special because we found a way to break through that. But it's not that we get over the fear because that comes with pivoting your business as you're building it. So can you talk about that fear that comes with pivoting your business as you build and how you've managed it over the years? Oh my gosh. I love talking about this because it is real. It's in our DNA, just like you said. And it was, we know what it is. It goes all back to survival. And, you know, I really resonate with this because of the, I'm going to go back to it, religion that I grew up in, if you left, you could no longer talk with the people, even if it was your family who were in that religion.

14:07So if you made a decision to let's just, I, I'm going to relate it. We're going to go straight for entrepreneurship. If you made a decision outside of that religion, AKA outside of your family's beliefs or outside of maybe the job that you're in, then we have this fear that we're not going to survive because we'll be cut off from the only life and people that we know, the only way of living that we've ever known. And when we do that, that is our survival being threatened. So your body is going into full on shock. It's going to do anything that it possibly can do to say, do not go against this.

14:47This is your chance to make sure that you stay alive and that you eat and that you thrive and that people love you. And that if something big happens, you have this whole group over here who can help protect you. And so it's all the same. We're all going against that. And the things that I have learned in order to support yourself around the pivot is to look ahead and start creating a new group of people and new support systems and new ways of creating rituals as you are pivoting. So a lot of times what people do is they look at the pivot and they think they're just going to go over to it and that's going to be it and you haven't supported yourself along the transition.

15:26So support along the transition looks like joining a group, joining a mastermind group, joining a class, joining a Facebook page, something where other people have pivoted before you so that while you're on that journey of pivoting and you're in the middle and you can't see anything, let's just say you're on the really long bridge across this big gap from where you are right now to where you want to go and you can't see the other end, that the people ahead of you can say, hey, you know that part of the bridge that's out, it's kind of shaky, seems like you should turn around. Don't worry, keep going.

16:01And here's the way around. You're going to run into all of these things and you're going to be like, oh, wait, so this is normal, this feeling like I'm going to die or this feeling like things are never going to be the same or this feeling like this is real bad and I should totally retreat and go back to what I know. And they're like, okay, come on, calm down. Yes, that's normal. And so that's going to happen over and over and over again. And there's that beautiful quote just about learning from other – you can learn from your own mistakes or you can learn from someone else's. And it's really getting in these groups of people who can – it's not that you're not going to make mistakes because those are beautiful and they're powerful and they happen every single day and thank God because they make you better.

16:41but at the same time, you can go faster and you're more likely, your likelihood of staying on track goes way up when you're supporting yourself around the vision and the pivot. And Lori, what are people doing right now listening to this podcast and entrepreneurs on fire in general is they are literally hearing other people who have made mistakes and we're learning from those mistakes and we're going to be able to apply it to our journey. And something that you shared, by the way, that I've never thought about, but I really do love is create new rituals as you pivot. I mean, think about that, Fire Nation.

17:15You, as you're pivoting, yeah, you're changing. Okay, well, create some rituals as you're doing that. And you gave those great examples, which I loved as well. So something really cool to ponder on, Fire Nation. Now, Lori, one thing that I know you know is that we're the average of the five people we spend the most time with. So share what you've learned about building your network. Man, I mean, we hear that over and over. You probably haven't been at an event where they don't preach that from the stage. And, you know, it really is true. Like, if you hang around smart people long enough, somehow you get smart.

17:53And I say that in a funny way, but it is the truth. Like, there's a reason why our parents growing up always said, you can't hang around that group. You're not allowed to go to that house because you're going to turn into them, right? You're going to be just like them. and we can use that in our favor. You hang around them enough, you're going to start thinking that anything is possible, right? You hang around John Lee Dumas too much, you're going to think that anything is possible. And you listen to him on his podcast and you're starting to think it because it is for you. And you will only go as far as the limitations of the people you hang around most.

18:32So if you want to know where your journey is going to end, you can say, what do you think is possible for you? Ask your friends this. What's the biggest vision that you think is possible for you? You will never make it past their biggest vision if they don't think, like my cap is unlimited. I know John's is too. He thinks anything is possible. So anything is possible for you. But what's going to happen is you're going to start doing things outside of what your group of people who you're around right now, maybe it's even your family. And we can talk about that in a second. But if they're only thinking as you start going further, if they're like, wait a minute, this is like not possible for me.

19:09So it, and this doesn't feel safe. They're going to make sure it's not possible for you because they're trying to keep you safe. They've never seen it before. They don't know what to tell you. They don't know what to tell you is coming next. And that threatens a way of life. It's an identity. And we are addicted to our identity because it's safe and it's survival. If this phrase doesn't cut you to the bonefire nation, I don't know what will. You will only go as far as the limitations of those you hang around with. I hope you really are absorbing those words because man, they really better hurt for some people that are realizing there's really a lot of limitations in the group that they're hanging out with and that's now your limitation.

19:52So you need to understand that. And you did mention family, Lori. Rachel, let's talk about it. So this is a challenge. And I, you know, when I first started talking about this, I was scared to even talk about it because I love my family. You know, I've, I've worked for so many years on healing our relationship on wanting them to be in my life, even though we have this religious separation. Let me tell you, I've done all the things, Tony Robbins, landmark coaches, therapy, all of the things. And, um, it's, it's challenging when your family is, are the people that are holding you back because of their beliefs.

20:26And the only way that I have personally found to overcome it is to spend less time with them until you are strong enough to go back and hold your new identity. So what can happen a lot is we're like, does this mean I need to stay away forever? Or my God, am I cutting my family off? For some of you, yes, if it's horrible and it's toxic or abusive or whatever that looks like, that might be a step that you need to take to save yourself in order to save everybody else that you encounter and in order to break a family curse or pattern. And that's really, really tough to hear because it goes against, are you a good person?

21:07Um, you know, survival, all of the things that we've already talked about, but there are ways to see them less set some boundaries. So even if it's maybe you're going back for a holiday, have a conversation before that, a really tough conversation, but say, you know, I love you so much. I know that you know that I'm going on this entrepreneurial journey or this new journey that I'm pivoting into. And, you know, I know that you may not believe in it, but it's really important for me that you understand how important this is to me and my mental health, my family, and my life. So when we come home, Can I ask for a couple things or can we negotiate on a few things to see if this could work?

21:48And, you know, I love you, but maybe this isn't working for me anymore. And I'm totally open to finding a balance point because I really want you in my life. But I need support around this. I'm going to have to ask you to understand it. And if not, then I can stay somewhere else or I can come home at a different time or we can make this look different. It might have to look different, but just understand that this is coming from a place where I want this relationship, but it does need to look different. Fire Nation, there's a lot to unpack there, but I hope you realize that this is a process. It's not something you need to just come in and do overnight.

22:24This is something that you can come in and say, you know what? This is something that I need to be done with in three months, in six months, in nine months. I mean, for you, Lori, what would you say approximately was the process? I mean, of course it's all ongoing, but for you to like make significant moves in this area, what was the timeframe? Oh, like 10 years, but I'm being honest, you know, this is, and I'm still working on this. So, um, but the initial tearing the bandaid off was a moment of, if I don't have this first conversation, because it's not just one conversation, right? This is like, that conversation can either go well, or it can open a can of worms.

23:05In my case, it, it did a little of both. And so then it was an ongoing conversation that kept on kind of like igniting a bit of emotions and then learning how to navigate these new emotions. So I love that you point that out, that this is, you have to have the initial conversation and you have to plan that out before you have it, like plan it out so that it's done in a really loving way so that they're not going to throw their walls up. Don't point fingers, say, this is how you make me feel. This is why I'm this way. Just make it all about why it's important that you do this for you. And definitely, this is still a conversation I'm having, but it did start for me about 10 years ago, because I knew that it was the one thing that was really, really holding me back, was being inauthentic in that area of my life, going back home and changing into somebody totally different that I wasn't anymore.

23:55And it wasn't working. So if you guys are feeling that way. Um, I can tell you that even one conversation can be really freeing it. And at least it gets you on the track of where are we at? Like at least, you know, where I stand and let's try to move forward from here. And how can we, how can we take the next step? What is the next step? Do we need outside help? Like, what does this look like? Lori, take this home for us. We've talked about a lot of things today, super valuable, tons of value bombs. What's the one thing you really want to make sure Fire Nation gets from our entire conversation today.

24:27Give us the best way that we can connect with you, your business, your brands, any call to action you have for us. And then we'll say goodbye. Oh man, there's so much. But one thing that one of my favorite mentors, Kim Perel, is just burning in my ears right now. She said, sometimes your next step is not a step, it's a leap. And I think that we put so many of these little mini steps in between. I need this, I need that. I need to learn to do this when it's not a step at all. It's a giant leap into the actual massive vision. There doesn't need to be five visions in between you right now. And in between the one that's the really big one, you could actually look at the really big one and start thinking about how you can take that leap first.

25:12It's possible. It's doable. You just need to start asking the right questions and find the right people to help you with it, who have done it before. How can we connect with you, your brand, any call to action you have for us? So connecting with me and the brand is all on Instagram and you can go to also lightpink.com, L-I-T-E-P-I-N-K. And then Instagram is at drinklightpink or at Lori Harder. Fire Nation, you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You've been hanging out with L-H and J-L-D today. So keep up the heat. Head over to eofire.com, type Lori, L-O-R-I in the search bar and her show notes page will pop right up with all the details of today, links to everything.