Defeat Self-Sabotage Once and For All with Brian Ford: An EOFire Classic from 2022

0:01John Lee Dumas:Boom, shake the room, Fire Nation, JLD here, and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire, brought to you by High Level, the all-in-one sales and marketing platform. On today's classic episode, we'll be breaking down how to defeat self-sabotage once and for all. To drop these value bombs, I brought Brian Ford into EO Fire Studios. Brian is the founder and host of the Self-Improvement Daily Podcast, sharing three-minute personal development insights to hundreds of thousands of listeners for over four years. And today we talk about how you are in control of your destiny, reshaping your reality through your daily choices, how consistency builds identity, and each intentional action rewires your subconscious over time, and so much more.

0:42John Lee Dumas:And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Brian and our sponsors. Sleep impacts everything. Your energy, focus, and performance. FitNexus Somnipods 3 are ultra-comfortable sleep airbags that block distractions, track your sleep, and deliver personalized insights to help you rest and recover. If better sleep is a priority for you, visit fitnexa.com and use code EOFire10 to save $10 on Somnipods 3 today. If you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. High Level gives you website hosting, funnels, email marketing, automation, calendar booking, payments, and course hosting all on one platform, plus award-winning 24-7 support.

1:20John Lee Dumas:Get a 30-day free trial and my full bonus stack that includes a 15-minute private call with me and much more at highlevelfire.com. Highlevelfire.com. Brian, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Fire Nation, what's going on? It's so great to be in front of you today. And yeah, I've got an interesting vantage point to this piece, actually. So normally when you talk about people becoming successful, they think about how it affects them. But I've actually benefited from previous generations of success. So I want to take that angle.

1:58And I think kind of one of the misconceptions that you think about when inheriting wealth or privilege or opportunity is that a lot of people get entitled or spoiled. And that's a concern for a lot of people when they're talking about their future generations, maybe not being as diligent or intentional about their work ethic. And I want to dispel that and say that, sure, there are a lot of important privileges that people need to be grateful for, but at the same time, it doesn't spoil people from the onset. I'm living proof of that, I'd like to think. And it's just a special awareness for people to understand.

2:29John Lee Dumas:What do you think about the phrase from blue collar to white collar to blue collar in three generations? Yeah, you know, I think there's a lot of truth to it when the inheritance or when the communication between generations is not intentional. You know, there's kind of this kind of default or organic passing of traits or qualities that I think is prevalent in a lot of different families, but it's not set in stone. You can interrupt that with the right lessons, with the right parenting, and just with the right environments. So I do think there's a trend there. I can't deny that. But at the same time, I think that you can overcome it.

3:08And those people who choose to are in a real great position to do something special in the world.

3:12John Lee Dumas:I think this is a fascinating conversation because I've also seen both sides of the equation where, you know, essentially a well-to-do parent, father or mother will be like, okay, we've done this. And now it's your job to take us to the next level. Like you are expanding the legacy. You are building upon the generational wealth. You are adding to it. Otherwise you're not worth a lick of salt. And there's actually a great little comedic quote by Jerry Seinfeld where he says like, hey, he's like, yeah, my kid came home from school today. He was getting picked on by some kids at recess. And they were telling him, hey, you're rich.

3:47John Lee Dumas:You're just so rich. The kid looks up at Jerry Seinfeld and goes, dad, are we rich? And Jerry looks at him and goes, well, I'm rich. You're not rich. But let's see what happens going forward. So a lot of interesting thoughts here, Fire Nation. kind of an interesting way to kick off the conversation about defeating self-sabotage once and for all. And Brian, you've been so gosh darn consistent with Self-Improvement Daily. I mean, we're talking four years now. Tell us about the power of consistency. Yeah, I mean, consistency is just an absolute unlock to results and something that left a huge impression on me and really kickstarted my own personal development journey, which Self-Improvement Daily's evidence of is The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy.

4:33It's a book, it's fascinating, and it's really easy and digestible. But the whole concept around it is that small, intentional, positive choices can in fact lead to the greatest results at the end of the day. But you need to be consistent in that pursuit. And that's where there's a story that I think really encapsulates this that we can all relate to, which is the idea of pumping a well. And think about it, right? So if you're about to draw water up a well, you're going to have to activate a lever and that's going to pressurize the well and it's going to be able to kind of spout water up. But what you do is you start kind of pressing on the well and you provide effort and provide effort and you realize that nothing's coming out of the spigot.

5:08You're like, oh man, this is useless. This isn't worth it. And a lot of people quit at that point because they're not getting the result they expected from the activity. But then if you stay consistent, you keep on pumping the lever, then there's more pressure built up in the well. But then eventually just a few drops comes out of the spigot. And For just a few drops, this definitely wasn't worth it. I wasted my time and a lot of people quit at that point. But then if you stay consistent, you persevere through both of those different milestones, then you really get the ultimate payoff. And that is if you keep on pumping the lever, you keep on pressurizing that well, eventually you're going to get a full flow of water that's coming through that spigot.

5:47But notice that you haven't changed the amount of effort that you're applying on the handle or the lever. Now you're benefiting from the compound effect of being able to pressurize that system. And that's how our personal habits really work is you need to invest in building the infrastructure and the momentum and the opportunity to get results. But a lot of people don't put in that work or they don't see the value in that work until it's too late or they give up too early. So that's where that analogy I think is just so crucial where you got to keep on pumping the well, keep on pumping, keep on pumping.

6:16And then once you get the water flowing out, you cannot stop because then the unit will neutralize. The pressure will be lost. then you're gonna have to start all the way back at the beginning again where you don't get your results. So consistency in any activity is that mechanism for making sure that you actually create leverage and having a certain amount of input of effort create disproportionate output and results, but you only retain that through consistency, which is just a total unlock to achieving anything massive in business, in life, in anything.

6:47John Lee Dumas:That is a beautiful analogy. And Fire Nation, I hope you are visualizing that like I was too, because then it gets you excited on a conscious level to do the thing, to put in the reps. But I want to move to subconscious level now. How does consistency actually affect on that subconscious level? Yeah, I mean, this is the reason why it actually creates that disproportionate output is because of what it does to your unconscious or subconscious mind. And if you think about the brain and what it's designed to do, you know, it's designed to take the path of least resistance. And what happens is the path of least resistance are the tightest neural pathways.

7:24So neurons that fire together, wire together, and the more reps that you put in, the deeper those grooves go and the easier the activity flows through those neurons, right? It becomes the path of least resistance in that way. And what happens is when you get consistent in doing something, you continue to fire the same neural circuits. And when those neural circuits are activated, they then strengthen. When they're strengthened, they become less resistant. And eventually that takes on a life of its own in that it becomes the path of least resistance. And you can actually reverse engineer this and use this process to basically create anything that you want in life by shaping your identity.

8:00And that's where the subconscious comes back into it. You know, your subconscious mind is merely the values that you hold, the belief systems that you have, the ways you see the world and the ways you see yourself in the world. And what happens by default is you hold a certain subconscious identity and without even recognizing it, you actually create certain activities and behaviors in your environment that you're unconscious of, right? Like a lot of people go on autopilot and are just doing things they don't even realize it. And that's a big opportunity for improving your life is once you gain awareness on what those things are, you can actually replace them with new conscious identities.

8:33But that's where, you know, consistency relates back into the subconscious is when you engage in certain intentional conscious behaviors, the things that are best for you, the things that you choose to do that might feel a little difficult to do at first because they're not your natural state. what happens is you're starting to actually kind of pump that handle and you're building a new identity one action at a time so that you actually become the person that operates by default in the way that you want to. So for example, I held a previous identity where I had reading comprehension issues as a kid.

9:07You know, I would grow up and I would be in kind of this remedial or special classes with that subject in particular. And that created this belief system and story around me where I started thinking about, man, you know, I'm just not a good reader. I prefer other forms of education, whatever it might be. And then any time that I was supposed to read, I would kind of avoid it. I would just not pursue it. And it was coming to my detriment. But then I realized that's not the belief that I want to hold. I want to be a lifelong learner. I know the most successful people in the world. They're reading every single day.

9:38So how can I embody that and become that for myself. And that's where I decided to use consistency as that lever to build a new identity. So what I did was I committed to reading only two pages every single night. And it was just the subtle flex of that muscle consistently over and over and over again. It proved to my subconscious mind that, oh man, Brian, you must be the type of person that is a lifelong reader. You must be the type of person that prioritizes learning every single day because your behavior is the evidence that I need, right? And that is the language of the subconscious. It's the things that you do.

10:13So that's where, you know, on a subconscious level, you actually can use consistency to create certain identities. And once you do that, then it becomes your defaulted state and you start existing in the ways that you want to instead of using willpower or discipline or effort to get yourself to do the things that you know are best for you. So that's where things really start to click and flow in your life. It's just because it's who you are. It's not what you do anymore.

10:37John Lee Dumas:Now, that was a cool example. I've got kind of a weird example, but I want to share it anyways. I recently got Invisalign, and if anybody knows what Invisalign is, it's like basically a clear mouth guard, like plastic protector that kind of shapes your teeth and strains them a little bit. and for my entire life, 42 years prior to this, I'd never had braces or anything and I was always biting my nails. Like again, even a couple months ago, like I'd be watching TV at night with Kate and she'd be like, John, stop biting your nails and I was doing it subconsciously. Like I wasn't even thinking about it.

11:10John Lee Dumas:It was just something I did all the time, subconscious, conscious, you name it, I was doing it and I never had nails. The last couple months I've had this Invisalign on, you can't bite your nails because again, it's a plastic guard so there's like no teeth for you to bite with. There's like, you know, it's just like this nice smooth plastic over your teeth. And let me tell you, I grew fingernails for the first time literally in my life. And so now what I've done is I've actually got files, like nail files, and I put it down where we watch TV at night. And so now at night where I used to be biting my nails, now I'm literally filing my nails.

11:40John Lee Dumas:And I'm actually kind of starting to take a little bit of pride in these nails as well. And I don't really think I'm ever going to go back to biting my nails. I mean, time will tell, but you know, I'm two months in and we'll see what happens after 11 months. But, you know, I'm kind of subconsciously now reprogramming myself to kick a really bad habit that I've never been able to kick in 42 years. Now, I had a little help here, but, you know, now I'm reinforcing it with the things that I mentioned. So, Fire Nation, just a couple of cool things there to think about. And we have amazing topics around self-sabotage coming up when we get back from thanking our sponsors.

12:16John Lee Dumas:One thing I've been dialing in for over a decade now is sleep. Not only am I in bed every night by 9 p.m., but I've really perfected my sleep environments. And one thing that's helped me do that is Fitnexa. Fitnexa is a pair of comfortable sleep earbuds designed specifically for a great night's rest. They're built to minimize pressure on your ears, even if you're a side sleeper like me, and their active noise cancellation helps block out the distractions that can keep you from falling or staying asleep. But what really takes Fitnexa to the next level is everything built in. You can listen to calming ocean waves, rain sounds, and more completely offline.

12:47John Lee Dumas:with no streaming apps or subscriptions required. Fitnexa also tracks your movement and sleep patterns overnight, then gives you personalized recommendations to help improve not just how long you sleep, but how well you sleep. You can even set a private alarm that wakes you without disturbing your partner, which my wife loves. If better sleep is a priority for you, Fitnexa helps you create the environment and routine to make it happen. Visit fitnexa.com and use code EOFire10 to save$10 on Somnipods 3 today. Fire Nation, if you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. That is why High Level is Entrepreneur on Fire's featured partner.

13:25John Lee Dumas:High Level gives you a website builder and hosting, funnels and landing pages, email marketing, appointment scheduling, payment processing, course and membership hosting, and so much more. Everything you need to succeed all under one roof. No duct tape, no juggling five platforms, just one clean system for your business. and their award-winning 24-7 support has your back when you need it most. When you sign up at highlevelfire.com, you also get my exclusive bonus stack, a 30-day free trial, a private 15-minute call with me, JLD, access to my weekly live office hours, a digital copy of my book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, my 50 Days to Something Execution Roadmap, and more.

14:04John Lee Dumas:Visit highlevelfire.com and start building your something today. So Brian, we're back. And as I mentioned before the break, we're talking about defeating self-sabotage once and for all. So what the heck is self-sabotage in your definition and how does it prevent success? Yeah, self-sabotage, it's all of the ways that you're actually holding yourself back. And the reason that you do this, because no one would choose to do this, right? People don't want to be the limiting factor in their own life. They don't want to be the thing that is restricting them or preventing them from the success that they desire, but it happens anyway.

14:43And that's because self-sabotage does happen on this unconscious level. But what's really interesting about it is you have to relate it to this very well-known and powerful concept within psychology called cognitive dissonance. And this kind of relates back to what I was talking about earlier with consistency and subconscious, which is that let's say that you hold a certain identity and I'll use my example again, right? My identity was that I was not a good reader, right? And that was my belief system. So that was then making me act in ways that was congruent with not being a good reader, right?

15:16So I would limit my education in that way. But then what happens is I was aware of my beliefs there in the script and story that I was telling myself and I was choosing something different. So I was choosing to engage in a behavior that was not in alignment with that old disempowering identity. And that was to read every single night. And every time I did that it created this tension in my mind between what I was doing and who I thought I was And that tension is this thing I mentioned called cognitive dissonance And it's in that space where your brain is trying to reconcile who you are and what you're doing Where self-sabotage exists because all the brain wants to do is make sense of everything that you're doing Your brain is a meaning making machine, which is a great opportunity Because then you can really shape your reality and your perception But in this case, it also is the source of self-sabotage So, you know a few different versions of self-sabotage and how this comes up within this tension is that you know, you can Experience limiting beliefs right where maybe I just tell myself like oh i'm not good enough to You know ever make a difference because I can't read and then that would prevent me from even considering doing my reading habit Right, so that's a way that added friction in my desired behavior to start reading because it threatened my subconscious identity Or another thing that we can probably relate with is rationalization You know, this is something where, you know, self-sabotage introduces itself and it makes you think logically about things, but it uses only a subset of the data.

16:41And if you take a step back in a third party approach, you know that it's illogical or it's irrational. But, you know, that's how that's what self-sabotage does. It's insidious. It goes without you even noticing it. And it really alters your perception to draw conclusions that you think you have control of, but they're actually being influenced by your unconscious and subconscious mind. You know, in the last version that I'm sure we all want to get better at is procrastination. You know, it's this idea of how we can, you know, distract ourselves or keep ourselves from being on task. And that is self-sabotage introducing itself because there's a fear associated with it.

17:17There's an insecurity. There's something that's preventing you or limiting you from taking action how you want to. So self-sabotage ultimately is this subconscious force that's trying to keep things how they are. but then to connect this to the earlier concept. So the second that you actually overcome these efforts that your brain is throwing at you that are called self-sabotage, that's when you start to grow your new identity. And that's when you actually change your beliefs and change who you are. Because if that cognitive dissonance, that tension is not reconciled by self-sabotage, which is preventing the behavior from happening at all, if you get through that and you continue reading books or you continue doing those things that are uncomfortable or unnatural, then eventually it creates a new identity within you that becomes the predominant identity and every time you do that you're limiting cognitive dissonance in one of two ways either you're letting self-sabotage win or you're growing your belief system and I think we'd all prefer to do the latter but it requires a lot of work and a lot of intentionality to get that right but self-sabotage is an absolute beast and it's all about making the unconscious conscious because with awareness comes choice and that's where our freedom and our opportunity lies it is an absolute beast I mean I've seen so many people afraid of failure, but man, what shocked me is I've seen so many people

18:31John Lee Dumas:afraid of success and the success they've already attained so much so that they start self-sabotaging themselves. And, you know, it seems so counterintuitive, but it happens. So you seem, and you must be Brian, like a very organized person. Tell us about one productivity system that you have in place that could benefit Fire Nation. Oh, totally. Yeah. I mean, this comes back to even the ways that you can be conscious about your behavior is you need systems in place to really be able to actually win that war against self-sabotage. Because if you don't feel like doing something, but you know that it's in your best interest, you got to have the systems in place to actually fulfill on the intention.

19:13So that's where I actually have a bunch of really incredible systems. One of the ones that I share the most with my coaching clients and the people that I support is this daily behavior tracking system. And it is fire, fire nation. It is so crazy because what happens is if you're in an emotional state and you're trying to make a decision about what you should do, let's say that you're hungry, right? And you're coming back from work and you're a little cranky and it's late. If you're trying to make the healthy decision, you're unlikely to do it because you're emotional and you, you know, you have an urgent need that needs to be addressed.

19:46But if you have systems in place that help you to be accountable to making decisions that are in alignment with your best self, then you introduce that resistance to the natural state and you provide that awareness so that you can then pursue the thing you want to do most. Right. And then you make that healthy choice. And that's where the daily behavior tracking system is a really incredible system, because first, yes, you have the opportunity to make decisions in the moment. But then this behavior tracking system serves as secondary accountability where you need to reflect on all of the choices that you made throughout the day from an unemotional state.

20:18You're no longer in that moment making a choice. Now you're reflecting on what did your best self want to do in that moment. And knowing that you have to answer the call to yourself in that way, it holds you extremely accountable and provides more presence for you to make the right decisions in the moment, no matter how emotional you are, no matter how distracted, disrupted, cranky, whatever you are. And that's where, you know, I really use a four part system within that, which is the think plan, do review process to be able to provide a feedback loop around where is my conscious at? Where's my unconscious at?

20:49What am I hoping to accomplish? Where did I fail or did I succeed? So that now you have this flywheel of feedback that helps you to be more accountable to the person that you want to be day in and day out.

20:58John Lee Dumas:The flywheel of feedback. I love that phrase. If you haven't coined that yet or done something with that, it's time to make that happen, Brian. So you shared a lot of great content today. I mean, we talked about consistency. We talked about a conscious, subconscious level. We talked about being organized and productivity, defeating self-sabotage, all that jazz. What is the one thing you really wanna make sure Fire Nation gets from our entire conversation today? Yeah, I mean, the one thing is that you are in control of your destiny. That's the bottom line, full stop, is that you can shape your reality through your choices every single day.

21:36And a lot of people might think that things aren't in their favor, that things are going wrong, that things are out of their control. But when you take ownership of what you can and you realize you have control of a lot more than you think you do, then you can start engaging in the behaviors, in the expectations and protocols, in the ways that you want to exist in the world. And then that creates the results that you're hoping for. And when you start getting consistent with those things that are most important to you, it ends up all getting easier. And then you really see that the sky is the limit for you because you start building momentum.

22:05And I think that's something that we all could use a little bit more of is a little self-belief, a little more self-confidence that we can do what's on our heart. and it's starting with the basics and being consistent and being in control of your future is the lead domino to making all of that happen for you.

22:20John Lee Dumas:Momentum and traction are the two hardest things to gain as an entrepreneur, as a human being, no matter what your venture is. And doing these little things right every day, putting in the reps, being consistent, this is how you get moving in the right direction, Fire Nation. Brian, how can Fire Nation connect with you? Any call to action you have? And then we'll say goodbye. Yeah, absolutely. So I know that is a lot, especially if this subconscious process is new to you. So what I've actually done, I've made accessible for your tribe and for Fire Nation is I have a whiteboard session where I go through this subconscious transformation process, you know, A to Z.

22:59And if people are really trying to understand the root of their own self-sabotage and understand how they are the limiting factor to their own success, then this will distill it in very clear detail so that everyone will be able to overcome that. And then I've also thrown in a couple other trainings and little goodies that your nation can find. And I have a custom URL for everyone to visit. If you can throw that in the show notes, that would be great. But it's grow.selfimprovementdailytips.com slash EOF. and you're going to unlock all of that and you're going to really see yourself start to grow.