Get What You Want with Julie Solomon: An EOFire Classic from 2022

0:01Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation! JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire! brought to you by High Level, the all-in-one sales and marketing platform. On today's classic episode, we'll be breaking down how to get what you want. To drop these value bombs, I brought Julie Solomon into EO Fire Studios. She's a speaker, business coach, host of the top-rated podcast, The Influencer Podcast, and author of her book, Get What You Want, How to Go from Unseen to Unstoppable. And today we talk about how to be clear in knowing your challenges and how to start to believe in the possibilities rather than the excuses that you have in your life and oh, so much more.

0:36And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Julie and our sponsors. Here's something most of us don't think about until it's a problem. Our phone service. Cape is a privacy first mobile carrier built from the ground up with security as the priority. If you care about protecting your digital life without giving up your smartphone, Cape makes that possible. Visit cape.co to sign up today. Are you ready for the ultimate all-in-one platform for entrepreneurs, marketers, coaches, and agencies, build funnels, automate follow-ups, manage clients, and even white label your own software, say hello to our featured partner, High Level, and visit highlevelfire.com to start your free trial today.

1:20Julie, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Hello, hello, hello. It is so good to be here. This community is amazing. This is one of the first podcasts I ever listened to ever, ever, ever. Oh, success. Okay. I'm going to just dive in and say that to me, success is defined by ease. And I think a lot of people would disagree with that. I will say that it's kind of one of those push pull mentalities where it's almost like when you're trying too hard, when you're just putting in way too much effort and you're overstressing with everything, things do come with a little bit of struggle.

2:04But then when you kind of back off a little bit and you ease and you go for things that, you know, are just kind of feel right, feel in the flow, then you're like, oh, this seems to be working. And I'm not quite sure why. I mean, I've seen this so many times in my business. And Julia, it sounds like you have too. Sometimes I'll ask myself, you know, why am I not receiving this answer or this solution? or why can't I figure it out? It's because I get too bottled up in the muck of the question. So it's like, just give it a rest. Give it a rest, Fire Nation. I love it. And it's kind of on theme with what we're talking about today, which is getting what you want, which is kind of around the topic of your book, Get What You Want, How to Go from Unseen to Unstoppable.

2:45And we're going to be kind of focusing on females today a little bit because you want to talk about those women who are looking to take charge of their finances. What advice can you share to that demographic? Yeah, you know, I think that in order to be able to really hone in on taking charge of our finances, we first have to understand what that means to us. And, you know, what that may mean to me could be completely different what it means to someone else. So I, you know, for me, it's about getting really clear on where are my challenges and how can I start to, you know, work with those instead of have those working against me.

3:22So, for example, in my life, my finances were a mess for a very long time because I would hide a lot of them. I wouldn't want to look at my numbers. I wouldn't want to look at budgets. I would get myself in debt. I actually found myself one day getting a phone call from my husband and him asking me, when were you going to tell me about the credit card? And he had discovered that I was hiding over$30 ,000 of credit card debt from him. And that really, that rock bottom moment of me really having to come to terms with this simple question, but it was very complex for me, John, which was, why am I so afraid to be honest about money?

4:02And that took me down a path of really getting clear on my own scarcity mindset, why I feel this lack around money. And in order for me to take charge of my finances, I had to kind of get clear on what are these origin stories that I have around money to begin with. So for those listening, you may not be an insane person like I was, and you're hiding credit card debt from your loved one. But there could be other things that are happening that these stories and these beliefs that you make up and tell yourself about money or about finances. Maybe you say to yourself, I was never good at math, or I don't really understand numbers, or I'm just going to hire a CPA or an accountant to do it, and I don't need to know anything.

4:43And I believe that even if you don't manage the day-to-day aspects of whatever that may be with your finances, you still need to conceptually understand the in and outs of what's happening with your money and your statements. And if you don't understand something, pulling in those people, those ideas, those tools that can really help you start to take charge of that. So that would be my advice, really getting clear on where am I coming from and what are the stories and beliefs that I tell myself about my money and my finances? What are my strengths? What are my challenges? And then what person, place, thing, idea or tool do I need in order to help me overcome those challenges?

5:22See, I'm really glad that you're bringing up this topic specifically here because I feel like a lot of times avoidance is the go to when people are thinking about their finances. It's almost like putting your head in the sand and just kind of like, listen, if I just ignore this situation, it will go away. But Fire Nation, this stuff does not go away. I mean, you need to think about it. You need to talk about it. You need to address it. And that's going to help your overall mindset and clarity around finances. And you believe detachment is actually the key to success for women specifically. So can you talk about why that is?

5:57Yeah. Yeah, you know, when it comes to this idea of detachment, and I think especially for women, because, you know, we women, we're these amazing creatures. We love to take care of ourselves and take care of other people. And a lot of times we're really good at it. We're really good at managing a lot of things all at once. But that can lead to this very, this feeling of needing to be attached to outcomes, needing to be attached to other people's results, other people's solutions, other people's problems. And the challenge that then happens if we get that way, and men can experience this too, but I see this specifically with women, is that we start to get confused on where we leave off and other people begin.

6:38and it can kind of cause this very codependent behavior pattern, not only in our personal lives, but also with our team, with our clients, if we're coaches, with maybe students that we have, maybe we work in corporate America and it's the colleagues and the people that we have to work with every single day. And so really getting clear on those ideas of what does detachment mean, which is it's not this unkind or unloving way of showing up and connecting and communicating with other people more effectively. But what you do when you effectively detach is that you, and I have an acronym for it, I call it Q-tip, you quit taking it personally.

7:16And when you can start to Q-tip situations, you allow for solutions and resolutions to come in rather than us being so fixated on having to fix, shape, or control an outcome. And so the more that I have found attachment in my life and the more that I am able to really teach that to others, I feel like the more that that ease of success that we were talking about earlier can really come in. Q-tip, quit taking it personally. I love that acronym. I'm a huge acronym guy. I mean, I always have a go-to, which you might've heard in the past, Julie, if you've listened to enough episodes, which is focus following one course until success.

7:53And it's something that people just kind of can click with. And when they go to that, hey, when it comes to finances, like am I actually being detached here? Q-tip, quit taking it personally. It can be that kind of quick little hit that you need to keep you on that right path. Now, we did kind of talk about clarity and confidence when it comes to women taking charge of their finances, but how specifically can women speak with both more clarity and confidence when it comes to this topic? Yeah, clarity and confidence, I think, are the two biggest things that at least I see the women that come to me that I coach, you know, that's what they're always wanting.

8:27They're wanting to gain more clarity. They're wanting to build more confidence. The challenge that I see that seems to happen, John, is that a lot of times women, they keep waiting for the confidence in order to then gain the clarity. You know, first, something's going to happen. I'm going to get this confidence. And then once I have the confidence, then I'm going to be able to step into more action. I'm going to be able to have more revelations about something. I'm going to gain the clarity that's needed to then take the next step. but it's really actually the opposite because confidence comes from clarity.

9:01It's the clarity that creates the confidence, not the other way around. And so instead of sitting here waiting for the confidence, it really comes from you getting the clarity that's needed that actually builds the confidence. And so what I always say is focus on the clarity first. You know, what, what solutions do you need in order to figure out the next steps for you? What is essential here? And if you don't know the answer to it, act as if you do. Let's say that you were someone that had the answer to something. What would that answer be? Or what would, you know, if you were that person that knew the answer, what would maybe be their next step if they had the answer?

9:37And really coming from this place, and it's different than faking it till you make it. Faking it till you make it feels like there's not, you don't have enough already within you to take the next steps. You have to fake some type of personality or belief system in order to do it. But acting as if means that I already want this in my life. I already know it's for me. So I'm going to act as if it's for me now. So it's kind of that idea, John, of the be, do, have versus the have, do, be. You're not waiting on becoming the person that you need to become in order to get the confidence. You're going to start acting as if you have the confidence today, which is then going to allow you to take the clarity and the next steps that's needed.

10:14If you were that person, what would be their answer? I love that concept. This is a great way of looking at things, Fire Nation. And we have a lot of great topics coming up. We're going to be talking about limiting beliefs. We're going to be talking about what you need to do, Fire Nation, to get what you want in life. And so much more when we get back from thanking our sponsors. I'm all about the basics when it comes to running my business. And there's nothing more basic and important than how you talk to customers and keeping your team on the same page. That's why today's episode is sponsored by Quo, spelled Q-U-O.

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13:41Seriously, every question that pops up, they will have your answer waiting. And if you visit my special partnership link, you'll get a free trial. So visit highlevelfire.com to start your free trial and see why thousands of businesses are switching. That's highlevelfire.com, where marketing, sales, and automation finally come together. High level. Join the revolution. Julie, we're back and I want to dive right into getting what we want in life. What do we need to do to get there? Well, the first thing I think is a lot of times people will come to me and they'll say, Julie, I can't get what I want because I don't know what I want.

14:21And I always say, well, of course you know what you want because you know what you don't want. And so getting clear on that, just that alone, the contrast of knowing what you don't want gets you closer to what it is that you do want. Now, you may not feel confident enough to take those steps or it may be unclear to you how to get there, but you do know what that is. And so to me, that's always the first step is is put it putting that confidence back in you that, yes, you do know what it is that you want because you know what it is that you don't want. Another thing that I see happen is that people say, Julie, I can't get what I want because because getting what I want is not possible.

14:59It's possible for him. It's possible for her. It's possible for them, but it's not possible for me. And so that just really comes down to this limiting belief that we can have or really this glass ceiling, upper limit, whatever you want to call it, that we can put on ourselves to not take it to that next step. And a lot of times the payoff, John, and I don't know if you see this in your community, I'm sure you do, but a lot of times we kind of like to believe that the problem or the solution is out there or it lies within somebody else because we don't have to take responsibility for the results that we're getting in our lives.

15:36If it's not possible for us and it can never be possible for us, then clearly there's nothing that we can do, say, or act or believe in order to change that. And so I always love to ask people, what is the payoff in you thinking that? What is the payoff in you thinking that it's not possible for you? Or what is the payoff in you believing that it's only possible for other people but not for you? And really getting clear on, again, where we're coming from and those key steps. And then from that, we're going to be able to put ourselves out there in a more authentic way. So first being clear on what it is that you don't want.

16:07So that helps you figure out what it is that you do want. Getting clear on what is the payoff for believing in these limiting beliefs that I may have. And then the third, I think, that really allows us to keep the focus on ourselves. And once we're able to keep the focus on ourselves, we're able to put ourselves out there in a more confident and authentic way is to not assume the responsibility for other people's success or happiness. It's so much easier to get wrapped up in other people or other ideas or, you know, and especially for entrepreneurs out there, we can so identify with this because a lot of times we're helping other people build something, their goals, their dreams, or we're helping customers, you know, find a solution to their kind of problem.

16:44And we can get so wrapped up in the success or happiness of someone else that we assume that responsibility and it takes the focus off of us and puts the focus on someone else. But when we become dependent on what others are doing and how others are feeling, and really most of all, how others think and feel about us, it puts us in a very powerless and hopeless position because we're now dependent on what somebody else is doing with their focus, which we have no control over. So when we can start putting the focus on ourselves, we can really start to take stock and accountability for our own actions, which is going to allow us to put ourselves out here in a way that feels more aligned, more integral, and really more exciting.

17:27A lot of value bombs there, Fire Nation. One thing that I really want to circle back to is when people say, well, I don't really know what I want. I love that kind of twist that Julia threw in here. You definitely know what you don't want. So start going down that direction, start having those type of thoughts. And also that whole concept of Fire Nation, if you're not building your dream life, you're probably helping somebody else build theirs. Now, here's a little disclaimer from my perspective is that can be okay at some periods, some stages of your life because there can be a great time and a great place to learn from people, to work for people, to be an intern, to have a mentor, to be guided, to learn from their experience.

18:05But the whole time it's saying, okay, I'm helping this person achieve their life goals right now by busting my butt, by learning from them, but I'm gaining experience and knowledge so that I can turn when the time is right inward and start accomplishing my life goals, my dreams, my hopes. and that's going to be sooner than later. Now, we kind of talked a little bit about the limiting beliefs, but I want to really get into your best strategies on stopping these limiting beliefs that just lurk around every corner for us and how we can expand our possibilities. Yes. So there's a strategy that I have used in my life because for a very long time, I loved being limited by my belief systems.

18:42They kept me safe, so I thought. They allowed me to stay in this victim state mentality. And they kept my possibility small, which again, that made me feel comfort. But that's not really what I wanted in life. I wanted more and I saw it and I felt it. I just had to believe in the possibility over the excuses that I would have. And so I came across what is called the three A's. I didn't invent these, but I definitely adapted them and brought them into my life. They're very well known in therapy circles and recovery programs, but they stand for awareness, acceptance and action. And this strategy of embodying awareness, acceptance and act in action will really allow you to stop any belief system that you have and be able to expand the possibility that you want in your life.

19:27And so I would love to kind of run down these for a moment. John, with awareness, awareness is just simply that identification that some belief system exists that needs changing. For example, there's this idea a lot of times in my community that people want to be seen. They want to shine. They want to be heard, but they're hiding themselves. And I'll always say to my community, you can't hide yourself and expect to be seen. And so the awareness of that is key. That's always the first step. Awareness is always the first step in any kind of dysfunction or limiting belief system or whatever that may be that's holding us back.

20:10The second one is acceptance. And this is often the hardest one because it's the most uncomfortable one. This is the place where each and every one of us really have to come to terms with this idea that this belief system, this limiting part of my life, it's not all of me, but it's definitely a part of me. And it began with me and I can choose for it to end with me. It doesn't define me, but it's a piece of the puzzle of my life that no longer fits and it needs to be removed. And it is my responsibility to remove it. And the reason why I think this one is the most often uncomfortable and challenging one is again, because we have to start taking ownership and accountability for the removal of that limiting belief of, of that old story of that thing that is keeping us stuck.

21:01A lot of times people just want to go from awareness straight to action, which is the third one. And they want to skip, skip acceptance, but acceptance. It will always, if you don't start accepting that person, place, thing, or idea in your life, exactly as it is and how it is today, you're never going to be able to get what you want. The third is action. And that is just, you know, I love action. That's the plan that you implement to be able to start to restore the things that have been lost due to that limiting belief. So this is where self-esteem, confidence, clarity, hope, balance, focus, serenity, all of those beautiful things, joy that we need in life can start to come back in.

21:42And so you can ask yourself, you know, do I want to continue to live in an environment filled with overwhelm, frustration, anxiety, chaos? Or do I want one that's filled with joy and peace and hopefulness and self-esteem? Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? And you get to make that decision. Fire Nation, once again, so many value bombs, Tara. I hope you kind of go back and really absorb everything that Julie's saying about these topics. I mean, she's gone through this herself personally. She's speaking from experience. Now, I want to end with a bang, Julie, because you have an upcoming book, Get What You Want.

22:16Talk to us about why you wrote this book, who the book's for, and how Fire Nation can get their hands on it. Yes. Get What You Want is really for anyone who may be at that same proverbial kitchen table that I was at that one day when I was really met with some hard truths about myself. And I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was ready to start living my life instead of being just this circumstance of it I saw these possibilities. I believed in these possibilities, but I wanted to really start believing that I was worthy of them myself And I think that that is who this book is for is for someone who You know, maybe you're like me that you're you're or was like me at the time You're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

22:59You're ready to step into a new massive change of accomplishment, success, recognition, a new realization of your own power, but you're not going to be able to do that unless you believe that you're worthy of it first. You have the capacity to reach people, but you need to really step into that self-worthiness. And I think that there's been a lot of self-help books out there throughout my journey, John, that they were really good at helping me align my actions with their goals, but they didn't always leave me feeling better about myself. And if I didn't feel better about myself, then I wouldn't feel worthy of that alignment of action and goals to begin with.

23:33So what I really work on in the book is these topics of how do we shed these old limiting beliefs so we can start stepping into a new belief system that actually gets us closer to getting what we want. And then from there, we can take the action. And so that is who this book is for. And where can Fire Nation find out more? Yes. So you can find out more by going to wherever books are sold. There's also an incredible audible. If you're someone who loves to listen to books, you can get it on audible. It hits news or newsstands. It hits bookstands everywhere on June 7th. You can go to juliesolomon.net slash get what you want for more information there.

24:10I'm also doing a free live workshop later this summer for anyone who orders the book between now and when the book comes out later this summer. So you can grab your free ticket to that at juliesolomon.net slash get what you want. And And of course, if you want to follow me, I tend to be the most on Instagram and that's at J-U-L-S Solomon, S-O-L-O-M-O-N. Now, did you do the audio book yourself? I did. I recorded it. It was so fun to do it. I've been podcasting for five years, so I think that that really helped. Big time. But I did. I loved recording the audio book. It was a really fun experience.

24:47Yeah, it's fantastic. And it's just a way that you can really imbue your passion, your addiction, your tonality into the book. So Fire Nation, I know a lot of you are audio listeners, which is why you're listening to this podcast right now. So I would highly recommend snagging that audio book. Go get some miles. You know, I do 10 ,000 steps a day minimum. So I listen to a lot of audio books. I listen to a lot of podcasts. And I love it. Being outside, breathing the fresh air, getting sunshine, and attaining value from the content that I'm listening to, which is a great combo. So, Julie, I just want to say thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today because my audience knows that the average of the five people they spend the most time with and they've been hanging out with JS and JLD today.