Happy Days with Gabby Bernstein: An EOFire Classic from 2022

0:01John Lee Dumas:Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire, brought to you by High Level, the all-in-one sales and marketing platform. On today's classic episode, we'll be breaking down happy days. And to drop these value bombs, I brought Gabby Bernstein into EO Fire Studios. Gabby is a number one New York Times bestselling author who has penned nine books, including her latest, Happy Days. She's also the host of the Dear Gabby podcast. And today we talk about how you don't need a business degree to succeed as an entrepreneur. how helping yourself requires bravery and action, and your happiness is a choice that you make, Fire Nation, and to owe so much more.

0:36John Lee Dumas:And the big thing for sponsoring today's episode goes to Gabby and our sponsors. If you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. High Level gives you website hosting, funnels, email marketing, automation, calendar booking, payments, and course hosting all on one platform, plus award-winning 24-7 support. Get a 30-day free trial and my full bonus stack that includes a 15-minute private call with me and much more at highlevelfire.com, highlevelfire.com. Fire Nation, 50 days will fly right on by. The only question is, will you have something to show for it? I created a free YouTube series called 50 Days to Something, a step-by-step path to build a real product, service, or offer in just 50 focused days.

1:20John Lee Dumas:Start today for free at eofire.com slash YouTube. Gabby say what's up to fire nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with first of all what's up everybody so good to be here I'm giving myself a beat to think about my answer so the thing that I believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with well this isn't most people because I think a lot of entrepreneurs will agree with this but definitely a lot of people there's a whole other world out there that has the belief system that you need a business degree to be a successful entrepreneur f that i was 25 with a bfa in theater out there hustling at 21 with my first business all the way to 25 with that business and then off into a new business and i was teaching and leading lectures at georgetown business school at, you know, 24 years old with no education in business, except for my own teaching myself.

2:26So that might be one.

2:27John Lee Dumas:Well, I love that because it kind of sometimes helps you think outside of the box. You're not just going in that straight line of what people think needs to happen if you become a quote unquote business person or entrepreneur or whatever that might look like. So there's a lot to be said, Fire Nation, for this. And today, as I mentioned in the intro, we're talking about happy days. Because, Gabby, we live in a world that makes it so hard to turn off, so hard to disconnect and just be present. So how big of a problem is burnout in this world and how can we recognize the onset of it? Well, I'm glad that you started with the word present because that's actually the operative word here.

3:09In the book, Happy Days, it's important to always say that the subtitle is the guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. and the definition of trauma from the perspective of Peter Levine who's one of the most incredible founders of a body-based somatic experiencing therapy says that the definition of trauma is the inability to be present so when you bring that up right now and the burnout and our lack of presence, really what you're talking about is all of these unresolved emotional disturbances that we are all running from. And that's what creates the burnout. That's what creates the inability to be present.

3:57That's what creates the stressors, the addictive patterns, and all the ways that we act out in our life. So we, in our own unique ways, are all running from something. That's what this whole book is about. That's what hopefully this conversation can be about. as to how to gently turn inward and look at what we might be running from.

4:14John Lee Dumas:Fire Nation, I think that's a great way to start so you can look inward while Gabby's chatting, while I'm talking about the different things that are affecting us in our lives right now, whether we know it consciously or subconsciously or a combination of both. But one thing that we both do know, Gabby, is that waking up to a screeching alarm full of dread of what the day holds is a terrible way to start the day. So let's talk about how we can wake up anxiety-free, not just on the weekends, but every single day. That's definitely one of the promises of this book. And I put that in there because it's a promise of my work in general.

4:55The more that we unwind the storylines and belief systems that keep us in that state of anxiety, the more we unwind those belief systems, the more peaceful we become. Now that's a long that's a process. It's not going to happen overnight But what I do believe is that the subtle shifts when we add up the subtle shifts That's when we can experience radical change So the one small thing we do daily to support our nervous system to take care of our mental state to Heal a bad habit, whatever it might be get in a therapist therapist office Or zoom or whatever those small actions daily towards the bigger intention, which is that inner peace and freedom, they add up, they add up, and we can ultimately get to where we believe we should be.

5:52John Lee Dumas:Now, Gabby, if we want to, we can always be working. There's always something that we can be doing as humans, as entrepreneurs, as businessmen, as businesswomen. How can we heal from this addiction to work that so many of us have? Work addiction is no different than drug addiction. It's no different than alcoholism. Zero difference. Same definition. Your life has become unmanageable and you're powerless over something. And you're using it as a form of not having to face impermissible feelings. Often work addicts have very deep-rooted beliefs of not feeling good enough, not feeling seen, not feeling adequate, not feeling lovable.

6:34So what do we do? And I'm saying we because I'm a recovering work addict. What do we do with that? We will do anything we can to avoid those impermissible feelings, and we will do everything that we can to prove our worthiness to the world. One of the fastest ways to get that approval and proof is through success, particularly in Western cultures, right? So we have this massive desire to succeed, not just for the success of the work that we do, which in our field is very good work and really doing good in the world, but it also has a dark side if it's driven by workaholism. And I'm sure many of your listeners are sitting here thinking, oh, that sounds too familiar.

7:21And the way that I know that it's no different than alcoholism or drug addiction is I got sober from alcohol and drugs 16 years ago, only to then pick up the workaholism. So the same root cause was there. And this was just more of a socially acceptable addiction. so it's often harder spot right when you're having all the successes and you've got all the the fame and the the team and the support whatever it is financial abundance everyone's praising you but you're actually dying on the inside i see this all the time all the time the only way out is to just like facing into drug addiction alcoholism sex addiction gambling addiction whatever the addiction may be, you have to become willing to change and you have to do all the brave work to undo the belief systems that got you there in the first place.

8:16And that's exactly what I said from the first question right to now. The only way to get to that place of being free from our addictive patterns is to be brave enough to wonder what lives beneath them.

8:28John Lee Dumas:I love you keep using that word brave because I think that's something that we do need to change the narrative, that it is actually brave when you take these actions that Gabby's talking about, Fire Nation. So be courageous, be brave, and we have some powerful conversations when we get back from thanking our sponsors. There are two things I know about you for sure. You're an action taker and you love to learn. Otherwise, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. So I'm excited to share another source of inspiration I know you're going to love, Blinkist. Blinkist is an app that takes the world's best nonfiction books and breaks them down into 15-minute reads or listens.

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9:37John Lee Dumas:Go to Blinkist.com slash fire to start your free trial and lock in an extra 30 % off today. That's Blinkist.com slash fire. Fire Nation, if you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. That is why High Level is Entrepreneur on Fire's featured partner. High Level gives you a website builder and hosting, funnels and landing pages, email marketing, appointment scheduling, payment processing, course and membership hosting, and so much more. Everything you need to succeed all under one roof. No duct tape, no juggling five platforms, just one clean system for your business. And their award-winning 24-7 and support has your back when you need it most.

10:15John Lee Dumas:When you sign up at highlevelfire.com, you also get my exclusive bonus stack, a 30-day free trial, a private 15-minute call with me, JLD, access to my weekly live office hours, a digital copy of my book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, my 50 Days to Something Execution Roadmap, and more. Visit highlevelfire.com and start building your something today. Gabby, we're back and you've created specific steps for self-regulating. Can you go over these steps? Yeah, so there's a whole chapter in Happy Days that's about the body-based work that we can do to regulate our nervous system. For me, it is about really keeping it simple.

11:03One simple step would be placing your hand on your heart and your other hand on your belly, breathing in deeply and exhaling completely. And just giving yourself a minute, two minutes, three minutes, four minutes, longer the better to breathe with that heart hold. And what the heart hold does is actually sends a message to the amygdala. Hey, we're safe. You can settle. I'm holding you, even if it's you holding you. and that that physical hold with the breath can just start to unwind the tension and ground you another great step is to just tap on this uh it's this emotional freedom technique which is known as tapping and there's a point tapping point which is about tapping on these different energy meridians while you affirm how you want to feel and so there's a point between your pinky finger and your ring finger on the top of your hand.

12:03Tap there. So tapping on the top of your hand in between your pinky finger and your ring finger. And when you tap there, this is the point that actually really helps when you're in a crisis or in an anxiety attack. You can tap there and you could say something to yourself like, I am safe. I am safe. Just repeat it. I am safe. Something as simple as that heart hold or that tapping point can completely ground you in the moment.

12:30John Lee Dumas:Now, are we talking about the web between our pinky and ring finger or actually more towards the knuckle? No, not the web, not the web. No, the top of the hand. And actually, I can give you an image you can put in your show notes. Oh, cool. It's called the gamut point. Yep. It's the top of the hand in between the ring finger and the pinky finger. Got it. Yeah. We'll post that image, Fire Nation, for sure on the show notes page because, you know, if you're going to be doing that, you want to be doing it on the right spot for sure. Now, Gabby, everybody listening today, they're doing so because they're looking to improve themselves, looking to learn from you.

13:05John Lee Dumas:They're looking to gain knowledge, gain value. They're looking to, you know, just overall lead a better life. So how can we become our best self? We become our best selves the moment that we become willing to change. Every single human has a very big list, long list of ways that we protect ourselves, ways that we act out, ways that we keep ourselves from feeling impermissible feelings. And those patterns, those protection mechanisms become bad habits, like drinking or workaholism or whatever they might be. and we can stay very stuck in those bad habits because it's sometimes more comfortable to be in the bad habit than it is to face what's underneath it so the first step is to become willing to change willing to adjust our behavior willing to do whatever it takes anyone that's still listening to this conversation right now has consciously or unconsciously raised their hand and said yeah i'm willing i'm willing i'm ready to listen to more so that conscious or unconscious prayer, truly.

14:11The moment that you say something like, there has to be a better way, that is an invisible door opening and a willingness ignited. So that's where you got to start. Because if you're not willing to do the work, you're not willing to look inward, then it ain't going to work. You're going to stay stuck.

14:27John Lee Dumas:Are you willing to change Fire Nation? If so, you've become your best self. Now, Gabby, you believe in standing up for ourselves, in being brave, advocating for our interests with grace, with fairness, with ease. How do we start this process? Right now at this stage in my life, 42 years young, I have a really profound practice of radical honesty. I practice it with my team. I practice it with my husband, who's also the CEO of our company. I practice it with my friends. I just practice it everywhere because it feels so damn good. Here's how it goes. You just tell the truth. Of course, there's times when the truth could be harmful so that we in those moments have to find a way to potentially share that truth in a way that's less aggressive potentially.

15:24But we tell the truth from a loving place. And that truth telling is one of my superpowers today because it allows me to just save a lot of time, cut through a lot of the BS, create a world around me that is really standing up to the energy that I put out. Because if you start telling the truth, some people might not like it, right? And that's going to be very clear that that's not in resonance with who you are. So you start to clear space for better relationships, better connections, more positive energy, and you're not harboring resentments. So when you can be in that grounded, forgiving, loving place and tell the truth, you're really setting yourself up for a lot of success in life because you're clearing that space so that you can have more mental space and more energy to hold more creativity.

16:16John Lee Dumas:How hard is it to just tell the truth, Fire Nation? Sometimes it's hard, but tell it from a loving place, just like Gabby shared. And truth telling is one of her superpowers. So you know, her being 42 years young, that's very powerful. So Gabby, you've shared a lot of awesomeness throughout this entire interview today. Take a step back over all the things we've talked about. What's the one thing you really wanna make sure Fire Nation gets from our entire conversation? The one thing that I want the world to get right now is that there is a gentler, softer way to live. There's this gorgeous passage from a metaphysical text called A Course in Miracles.

16:59And the passage is, there is a way of living in the world that is not here, though it seems to be. We do not change appearance, but we smile more frequently. Our eyes are soft and our forehead is serene. Doesn't that feel good to hear? And so my message is that there is a gentler, softer way to live. And it all starts with our choice. It starts with how we want to show up, how we want to perceive the world, how we want to care for our inner well-being. Our happiness is a choice that we make. It doesn't mean that it doesn't require a lot of work and effort to get to a place where we change our patterns.

17:34But it begins with that choice.

17:36John Lee Dumas:Gabby, let's end with a bang. Your book, Happy Days, it's all around the conversations that you and I have been having here today. Talk a little bit more about this book, why you wrote it, who is it for, and where can Fire Nation get their copy? This is my ninth book, nine books in 11 years. I am so proud of this one in particular, because this is a journey that I had to live in order to write. And having the, once again, the bravery and the courage to go through to the places that scare me so that I could come out the other side and put my face on the cover of a book that's telling a story of how to undo trauma and live with freedom and inner peace and really stand behind that.

18:21That's no small thing. There's never been a time in the world that I've been alive where we've needed this conversation more than now. Trauma is no longer a word that we run from. It's a buzzword in our lexicon. People are really waking up to the fact that we have disturbances that we need to heal. And this book is the path. People come to me all the time on my podcasts and everywhere and say, how do I heal this? How do I heal that? And I'll always give advice, but the best thing I could do is just hand somebody happy days. And so if anyone's out there listening, like I got, I got some stuff I got to undo.

18:59Let me take you by the hand, read the book, listen to the book, whatever it is. And I will guide you. I will guide you every step of the way.

19:06John Lee Dumas:And where should Fire Nation go? You can go to your bookstores, Amazon, wherever you like to go. You can also go to And just really take advantage of the journey that I've laid out because I did it for the reader. My years of commitment can take a lot of unnecessary suffering off of your life. I love what you love about writing your book where you can just now, when all the people come to you with their myriad of questions and struggles and obstacles and challenges, you can say, I have the answer for you. It's not an individualized, like one-to-one answer. It is the answer that I've compiled over nine years, plus, you know, all your entire career, but over the nine books you've written over 11 years.

19:53John Lee Dumas:And it's such a great feeling. And that's such an awesome thing about writing such an impactful book, Fire Nation. So you're the average Fire Nation of the five people you spend the most time with. And hello, you've been hanging out with GB and JLD today. So keep up that heat. Head over to eofire.com. type Gabby in the search bar. The show notes page will pop up with links to everything we talked about here today. And Gabby, I want to thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Thank you. Hey, Fire Nation.

20:29John Lee Dumas:Today's value bomb content was brought to you by Gabby. And Fire Nation, what can 3 ,000 of the world's most successful entrepreneurs teach you? How about how to achieve financial freedom and fulfillment. My first traditionally published book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, is a revolutionary 17-step roadmap that will lead you to the lifestyle that you've been dreaming about. This book took me 10 years of accumulating the genius of the world's top entrepreneurs, and you can get it all in one place when you visit UncommonSuccessBook.com. And I'll catch you there or on the flip side. If you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure.

21:08John Lee Dumas:High Level gives you website hosting, funnels, email marketing, automation, calendar booking, payments, and course hosting all on one platform, plus award-winning 24-7 support. Get a 30-day free trial and my full bonus stack that includes a 15-minute private call with me and much more at highlevelfire.com. Highlevelfire.com. Fire Nation, 50 days will fly right on by. The only question is, will you have something to show for it? I created a free YouTube series called 50 Days to Something, a step-by-step path to build a real product, service, or offer in just 50 focused days. Start today for free at eofire.com slash YouTube.