How to Eliminate the Beliefs that Sabotage Your Business and Your Life with Shelly Lefkoe

0:01Light that spark fire nation JLD here and welcome to entrepreneurs on fire brought to you by the HubSpot podcast network, the audio destination for business professionals with great shows like Systems Saved Me. Today, we'll be breaking down how to eliminate the beliefs that sabotage your business and your life. To drop these value bombs, I have brought Shelly Lefkoe into EO Fire Studios. Shelly is a co-founder of Lefkoe Institute, is an international speaker, workshop leader, and author dedicated to helping entrepreneurs overcome the beliefs that keep them from reaching their full potential. Her latest book, Hitting the Wall, shows you how to eliminate the beliefs to sabotage your business and your life.

0:39And today for our nation, we'll talk about producing change, the most common beliefs that hold entrepreneurs back. We'll talk about limiting beliefs and oh, so much more. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Shelly and our sponsors. DTC Pod, hosted by Ramon Berrios and Blaine Bolas, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. DTC Pod is a podcast about all things direct to consumer. Ramon and Blaine cover everything from starting, growing, and optimizing e-commerce stores and DTC brands. If you're interested in the stories behind your favorite consumer brands, this podcast is for you.

1:15One recent episode on how the best brands are built is a must listen. Listen to DTC Pod wherever you get your podcasts. Over 40 ,000 businesses have future-proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud ERP, bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, and HR into one platform. Download the CFO's Guide to AI and Machine Learning for free at netsuite.com slash fire. Shelly, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Hey, Fire Nation. It is so exciting to be here with you today. Um, well, I think that most people, um, when they want to be successful, do what we all do.

2:04We get information and motivation. So we read about what we have to know in order to be successful. And then we get ourselves all psyched and motivated to go. And my experience is a lot of people take workshops and come out with great notes going, oh my God, that was the best workshop I ever took. And three days later, the notes were in the drawer. So information and motivation is helpful. And clearly we need that. But there's a missing piece in the equation. And the missing piece is beliefs. And my experience is that it is our beliefs about ourselves and life that determine our success, not just in business, but in every area of our lives.

2:54Well, lucky for us, we're talking about how to eliminate the beliefs, the sabotage, both our business and our life. This conversation, Fire Nation, is going to do just that because a lot of people, Shelly, they think being motivated and knowing what to do is enough. But you say, heck no. Tell us more. 35 years ago, my late husband was on a spiritual intellectual journey to discover why people know what to do and don't do it and why we know what not to do and don't and do it anyway. So sometimes we'll go into a relationship going in that we know we shouldn't, or we'll start a business and we see some red flags with the person that we're going to get into bed with, you know, our business partner, and we go into the relationship anyway.

3:51We know what to do, and yet we procrastinate all the time. So he looked at his own life, and he said, everything that was supposed to happen, like all these exciting things, just didn't happen. And he realized that he had a belief that what makes me good enough, what makes me kind of worthwhile is I'm someone who overcomes obstacles, like nothing stops me. And what was so interesting, Fire Nation, is he created lots of obstacles to overcome. So he was on a plane to California and he started journaling. Now this is 35 years ago. And at the end of the trip, he had kind of what he says downloaded a process that can quickly and permanently eliminate the beliefs that cause us to do all the things we do.

4:55So I'm going to make a distinction in a minute. But he was going to pitch this client in California. We lived in New York at the time. And he did the process on them and got the assignment. And he came home and he said, Shelly, you have to see what I've discovered. Now, 35 years ago, when I said we help people eliminate beliefs, they used to say, you mean like religious beliefs? What do you mean beliefs? Now, everybody's talking about limiting beliefs because most people now figured out that you can't make change without eliminating the beliefs that cause the problem. So I want to make a quick distinction.

5:45Yeah, please do. And when I saw him, JLD, when I saw him do this process with someone, he sat down with someone and he said, what's your pattern? And she said, well, I want to meet a man and get married. And I just keep not meeting the right men and I can't get married. And he says, well, what do you believe about men? And she goes, men are selfish. Men only want one thing. men, you know, and she just, and then he said, what do you believe about marriage? She said, marriage is suffocating. And he picked one belief. He did the process. He eliminated the belief with her. And I had this spiritual experience of being knocked off my chair.

6:29And it was like the universe said, Shelly, this is what you're on this planet to do. And I've been doing it for 35 years. So the distinction that I want to make is most people, when they talk about beliefs, JLD, they talk about patterns and they don't know the difference. So a pattern is observable. I can see you procrastinate. I can see you not speak up for yourself. Those are behavioral patterns, right? Right? Emotional patterns are, I have anxiety all the time. I have a fear of public speaking. I have depression and I can observe you being depressed. I can see you being fearful. Beliefs are statements about reality that we hold as the truth.

7:28That's what a belief is. And it's the beliefs that underlie or cause these patterns. When you eliminate the beliefs, the patterns disappear. Fire Nation eliminates beliefs, patterns disappear. But if we know, Shelley, that a belief is not true, why is that alone not enough to produce change? Oh, that's such a great question. My best example of this, Fire Nation, I have worked with five Harvard PhDs over the years who had the belief I'm stupid. So the first time that happened, we were working in a company, actually, and I worked with this staff psychologist. And he said, I'm very, very stuck. I want to leave.

8:29I want to go out on my own, but I'm terrified. And I said, well, what do you believe? Most people don't know what they believe and I help them see, but he just looked at me and he said, I'm stupid. And I looked at his notes and I said, don't you have a PhD from Harvard? And he said, oh, I conned my way through Harvard. That's how powerful beliefs are. And here's why. When he was a kid, every time he made a mistake or didn't do what his father wanted him to do or say, his father used to slap him on the back of the head and say, genius. So he concluded, I'm stupid. Now, here's why evidence doesn't get you.

9:18And this is the whole thing about imposter syndrome. and I'll tell you the beliefs that underlie imposter syndrome in a minute. When we're little, we conclude things about ourselves, life, people, the world, money, based on what we see when we get here. So if your parents are struggling and can't pay the bills and complaining about money and you conclude money is scarce and hard to get or life is hard, it feels to you, it is as if you could see money is scarce and hard to get. Life is hard. If you get criticized as most of us do as children, which is why the single number one belief is, I'm not good enough.

10:17It feels like you saw I'm not good enough. And I'll explain that in a second. Now, here's the important piece. It is impossible to not believe something you think you saw? I saw Santa Claus. He's got a red suit and a white beard. What do you mean there's no Santa Claus? And then one day when you're eight years old, you say, wait a minute. That's daddy. That's not Santa Claus. There's no Santa Claus. I made that up. That belief goes away and never comes back. So we, in our process, we go through a whole bunch of steps. And when we get to that one, it is the light bulb goes off in a way that people who say to me, Shelly, I've tried everything.

11:21And this is the only thing that ever worked. Because when you get, I never saw I'm stupid. I saw my father smack me on the back of the head and call me genius. I never saw money as scarce and hard to get. I saw my parents struggling. And the only place that belief exists is in our minds. We made it up. Shelly, this is such powerful value that you're delivering to Fire Nation right now. Because sometimes if you can just understand what is being said right now, Fire Nation, it can unlock something that you didn't even know was dormant, just sitting in there waiting to be released and for you to just take back your confidence and drive forward and just create massive value in this world.

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15:20That's netsuite.com slash fire. netsuite.com slash fire. So Shelly, we're back and man, we've been talking about a lot of powerful stuff around eliminating beliefs that sabotage our business, our life. Let's talk to Fire Nation directly right now because Fire Nation, they are entrepreneurs. They are small business owners. They're looking to make an impact in this world. What are one or two of the most common beliefs that you find specifically hold entrepreneurs back? I wrote a book called Hitting the Wall, Eliminate the Beliefs that Sabotage Your Business and Your Life, Directed Towards Entrepreneurs.

16:02And I will tell you the most common beliefs, but I want to tell you the most common patterns first. And then I'll tell you the beliefs that underlie almost all of them. Right? So there's procrastination, fear of public speaking. Okay. We can get rid of fear of public speaking in five sessions, you know, like easy as peasy, fear of failure, fear of innovating, of taking chances, taking risks,

16:39not being able to delegate, not being able to fire people, confrontation, fear of confrontation. So those are the most common entrepreneurial patterns, right? And I've been working with entrepreneurs for 35 years. Here are the five most common beliefs that pretty much everyone has because of the way we were raised. I'm not good enough. I'm not important. Mistakes and failures are bad. If I make a mistake or fail, I will be rejected. I'm going to tell you a story about that in a minute. What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. When I got rid of that belief, Fire Nation, I swear my life changed in one minute.

17:38I spoke in Croatia in front of 600 people. I am not under the illusion that they are all going to love me. It's impossible, right? So I no longer define myself by what other people think. And so I'm able to be my authentic self. And if I'm okay, the focus is not on me, it's on you. I want to make a contribution to you. And whether you like me or not, or think well of me, if you have input, I'm open. But my good enoughness, my worth and value is no longer a function of what anybody thinks. And from my own life and my clients, that is a freedom that is unimaginable for most people. Fire Nation, imagine that freedom that comes with just understanding what Shelly just shared.

18:42I mean, that feeling of freedom, because man, when we just take away everything that, you know, people are trying to put on us and we just shrug it off and say, I know who I am. I am genuine. I am authentic. I'm out to do good in this world. I'm here to make an impact. I'm here to find my people. You know, I want people to love me, you know, and if they hate me, that's their problem. It's not me. I love that phrase, hurt people hurt people. A lot of times negativity comes from people who are hurting and they're lashing out. It's not about you, Fire Nation. So let's talk about this, Shelley, because a lot of people have beliefs that just don't make sense, even if they have evidence to the contrary.

19:22So can you give one example of this? Yes. The most important pattern, which is workaholism. And I'll give you a great example of what you just asked me. So it's actually a perfect lead-in. So what is workaholism. I'm not good enough. I'm not important. So everybody put your fist in front of you. That's a belief, right? Now that's in my face. I don't want that in my face. So I need a beach ball. So, so sorry, it's like a beach ball and I need to hold it underwater. How am I going to do that with what we call survival strategy beliefs. So when you're an adolescent, let's assume you get acknowledged for grades and goals.

20:14Okay. And you suddenly conclude, so you're, you're criticized, you don't do things right. Your parents yell at you, you conclude I'm not good enough. And then one day somebody goes, wow, look at that kid play soccer or wow, you just won the science prize or you got all A's. And suddenly you conclude, aha, what makes me good enough are my achievements. Now, as long as I'm achieving that beach ball called I'm not good enough or I'm not important stays underwater. But now we have a heroin addiction. Now we have a driven behavior. So I had this man call me one day and he said, Shelly, I need help.

21:04I said, what's the problem? He said, I am worth$10 million. I'm on the cover of business publications. He said, I keep promising I'm going to come home and have family dinners. I keep missing my kids' plays and games. He said, when is it going to be enough? I said, never. Because your achievements don't make you good enough, evidenced by the fact you have to keep doing it and doing it. If something makes you good enough, you should be good enough, right? If something makes you something, if you win the Nobel prize, that makes you a Nobel prize winner. If you pass the bar, that makes you a lawyer.

21:55You can be disbarred, but you're still a lawyer because passing the bar makes you a lawyer. Notice Fire Nation, no matter how much you achieve, it's never enough. Fire Nation, these are powerful words. And Shelly is somebody who has worked with countless people to get them to where they need to be to eliminate those beliefs that right now are sabotaging your business, that right now are sabotaging your life. So Shelly, if Fire Nation kind of has the hair on the back of their neck standing up because they know that you're speaking right to them about them and they know that you can help them, what are the next steps they can take to connect with you?

22:40What is your call to action for our listeners today? I worked with somebody who yesterday was so great. He had a fear of public speaking. And he had the belief, if I make a mistake or fail, I'll be rejected. And when I asked him, did you see that? He said, of course I saw that every day of my life. Well, his father stopped speaking to him for days on end when he did something he didn't like. So he finally got, I never saw that. I just saw my father stop speaking to me. So the next day he's doing a presentation and he makes a mistake and somebody points it out. and he says, oh, what's the right answer?

23:29And the guy tells him and he says, Charlie, thank you for speaking up. I never would have wanted anybody to walk out of here with the wrong information. Could you repeat it? And then he goes on with his talk and he says he's walking to his office and he's so pumped and he feels so good about what happened and the phone is ringing and it was the executive vice president and he said, I was in the room when you made that mistake. He said, I was so impressed with how you handled it. I'm putting you up for a promotion. He said, not only didn't I get rejected, I got promoted. So your beliefs determine your reality, your behavior, your emotions, everything.

24:16So I would like, now that you've heard all this, I would like you to have an opportunity to actually experience the process. So if you go to recreate, that's R-E-C-R-E-A-T-E, recreateyourlife.com slash fire, F-I-R-E, you can eliminate a belief for free and experience experience what it's like to do that. And they have the three most common beliefs for you. I'm not good enough. Mistakes and failures are bad. And I think it's I'm not important. Fire Nation, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And you've been hanging out with SL and JLD today. So keep up that heat.

25:09And for links to everything we talked about, visit eofire.com, type Shelly, S-H-E-L-L-Y in the search bar and the show notes page will pop right up. So if you want a free strategy session, if you're interested in actually working with me, you can go to Shelly, S-H-E-L-L-Y, Lefkoe, L-E-F as in Frank, K-O-E.com, and you can book a free strategy session. And give us that other URL call to action. RecreateYourLife.com slash fire. Shelly, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation. For that, we salute you and we will catch you on the flip side. Thanks for having me.

25:54Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Shelly for sponsoring today's episode. And Fire Nation, what can 4 ,000 of the world's most successful entrepreneurs teach you? How about how to achieve financial freedom and fulfillment? My first traditionally published book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, is a revolutionary 17-step roadmap that will lead you to the lifestyle you've been dreaming about. This book took me 10 years of accumulating the genius of the world's top entrepreneurs, and you can get it all in one place when you visit UncommonSuccessBook.com. I will catch you there or on the flip side.

26:32DTC Pod, hosted by Ramon Berrios and Blaine Bolas, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. DTC Pod is a podcast about all things direct to consumer. Ramon and Blaine cover everything from starting, growing, and optimizing e-commerce stores and DTC brands. If you're interested in the stories behind your favorite consumer brands, this podcast is for you. One recent episode on how the best brands are built is a must listen. Listen to DTC pod wherever you get your podcasts. Over 40 ,000 businesses have future approved their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud ERP, bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, and HR into one platform.

27:13Download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning for free at netsuite.com slash fire.