How to Get Over the "I Got It" Syndrome with Elayne Fluker: An EOFire Classic from 2021

0:01Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire. Brought to you by the HubSpot. podcast network, the audio destination for business professionals with great shows like Marketing Made Simple. Today, we're pulling a classic EO Fire episode from the archives, and we'll be breaking down how to get over the I Got It syndrome. To drop these value bombs, I have brought Elaine Fluker into EO Fire Studios. Elaine is the author of the new book, Get Over I Got It, host of the Support a Sexy Podcast for Women Entrepreneurs, and founder of SIS Academy. And today, Fire Nation, we'll talk about why you deserve it.

0:37That's why you have to reach out for it. You deserve it. We'll also talk about your responsibility is to step into whatever it is you feel you are called to do and remember that nothing is an implication of you and your value and what you have going on in the world and so much more, Fire Nation. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Elaine and our sponsors. The Gold Digger Podcast, hosted by my good friend, Jenna Kuchar, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. The Gold Digger podcast helps you discover your dream career with productivity tips, social strategies, business hacks, inspirational stories, and so much more.

1:13A must-listen episode is one of Jenna's recents on everything you need to know about affiliate marketing. Listen to Gold Digger wherever you get your podcasts. Ever thought of giving a TEDx talk? It's one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world, and four-time TEDx speaker Taylor Conroy from Thought Leader can help you get there. Visit thought-leader.com to join Taylor's free training where he teaches you how to land a TEDx talk and spread your message to millions. Elaine, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with.

1:53Hi, Fire Nation. I'm so excited to be here. And I got to tell you, one thing that I think most people believe, and you've probably heard this before, you can't have it all. That's a saying. Everybody says you can't have it all or you can't have it all at the same time, right? Well, I say that all depends on what your all means to you. My all is different than John's all, it's different than someone else's all. So you get to define what your all looks like. I love that. I'm such a believer in finding your version of uncommon success and identifying your big idea. Like that's what a lot of people don't realize, Fire Nation, is it's on you.

2:29like you can get out there and get this like don't go after some weak pale imitation of something else that somebody's doing just because they're successful like what is it that you want that you need that's your zone of fire and elaine i've shared the great introduction of you and everything that you have going on so fire nation is well aware of your awesomeness so let's just dive in by debunking this self-made myth it's a myth that we have projected onto other people i don't think it's something that folks necessarily perpetuate, this idea of people being self-made or I'm doing it by myself, I'm balling all by myself.

3:03Sometimes, especially on social media, right? A pretty picture is just a pretty picture, right? It's just like John took a picture by the pool in Puerto Rico. It's beautiful. Let's move on. But we don't have to apply all these things and all these meetings and our own insecurities on it. And this isn't, you know, put down on anyone. I do it too. I have friends who live quite fabulous lives on the beach, in Cabo, here, there, everywhere. And I could apply all this meaning to it. And sometimes I do. But fortunately, I call them and they're like, girl, I took that picture like a thousand times. Or I didn't even take that picture recently.

3:35That's from two years ago. You just never, right? You just never know. But we apply all these meanings to it. So I want us to remember that maybe they are fabulous. Maybe they are living this fabulous life. Nothing is an implication of you and your value and what you have going on into the world. A pretty picture is sometimes a pretty picture. So don't make, think it's like a statement about who you are in your life or that this person did this all by themselves. Right. A lot of times too, on social media, we think, oh my gosh, how is this person posting so much? Or how are they doing all these things?

4:06Or they have this book and all these other things. A lot of folks have teams. You get to a point where fortunately you can bring in people and a team could be one person who's a great photographer and makes it look like they're doing fantastic, or it could be a full team of people. As we said in the beginning, it's about you and what your all means and what's important to you. So let it be more an inspiration than something that makes you feel defeated. Let me also add that a pretty picture is actually sometimes a miserable experience. And I'm talking from firsthand experience. Like I remember Kate and I were on this fantastic cruise in the Mediterranean.

4:37We got to this place, I think it was Corfu. And we're like, oh, let's go have like an amazing picnic on that bluff over there, overlooking the ocean. It's going to be gorgeous. And we got all the food and we got everything ready. And then we got up there and it was so windy. Sand was blowing everywhere. It was cold. It was like kind of wet in the air. And we're like, this is miserable. But we're like, but before we leave, let's just take one photo, like one little selfie here, again, on a bluff, overlooking this beautiful ocean with a picnic right there. And let me tell you, Lane, we snapped that selfie, it looked fantastic.

5:12And people were like, oh my God, I would have give everything to be there. And Kate and I to ourselves were like, no, you wouldn't. It was miserable. It was cold. It was wet. It was sandy. We got the heck out. We left our food there. We didn't even want to eat it. We're like, we're out of here. We're gone. So don't overthink things, Fire Nation. And also what you brought up for me as well, Elaine, before we move on is compare and despair. Why are you comparing yourselves to other people, Fire Nation? Like what am I supposed to do? Compare myself to Elon Musk, the richest person in the world, about my financial situation?

5:44I mean, the fact that I make, you know, multiple seven figures a year, I can despair if I look at Elon Musk, just like he can despair, by the way, if he looks at my amazing relationship, my fiance, Kate Erickson, where he is in shambles with his relationship. So is he supposed to compare himself to me? No, like that's not the point. You compare yourself to one person, you yesterday. If you're winning that comparison, you will be winning at life, period. And you don't have to be winning that comparison every single day because we all have down days, but more times than not, if you're winning that comparison, you will win.

6:17So Elaine, let's talk about the reality of why having it all doesn't mean doing it all alone. This is something that women especially face. I don't know if men face it. I know I love when men ask me if they face it, but I'm always like, well, you tell me, do you face this? But women always, women most often are the folks who struggle with this idea of we have to do it on our own to prove that our accomplishments, our success, or even just juggling all the balls in the air, that these things don't matter unless I somehow portray that I'm doing it all myself, whether that's being influenced by social media or let's be real, even in society.

6:54I mean, here in the US, women still make what 70 % on a dollar, 70 cents, excuse me, on a dollar of what men make just by the fact of gender, Nothing else just based on gender. So there are reasons not excuses, but there are reasons that we might feel this way Like I said society social media sort of amplify those things for us What I want women to know though is you do not have to do it alone Stop believing this and understand that getting support is actually the key to success not struggling to do it all alone I think one of the biggest reasons for my success early on was that I joined a mastermind It was Cliff Ravenscraft's mastermind.

7:32He was the podcast answer man. There was, I think, six guys and four women in it. And we were all on our podcasting journey. So there was 10 of us that met every single week. And we got to share each other's struggles, our obstacles, our challenges with each other. But most importantly, we held each other accountable by saying, hey, I'm going to accomplish this by the next meeting. And there were times, Elaine, when I was just like, the night before, oh man, I am not going to get done my goal. But I was not going to not get it done and have to face my accountability group and let them down. So things, if I was just doing it by myself, I would have completely pushed a week and then a week turns into a month and a month turns into who knows.

8:10I got it done that day. So you don't have to do it all alone, Fire Nation. Masterminds, accountability groups, friends, people that are there for you, peers that you know, like trust and respect, so valuable. And I want to get into three specific reasons, Elaine, that most ambitious women, especially ambitious women, resist asking for and accepting support? Yeah, I say this is the three Ds for most of us, the reasons that we don't ask for support. So one is that you feel defensive, right? So as we said before, there might be reasons that I think, oh no, at the office, if someone helps me with this project, they're not gonna think I did it or they're not gonna think I could do it.

8:49So I do feel defensive. So it's like, I got it, it's okay, I got it. I call it, I got it syndrome, John. I got it. No, no, no. I got it. This is our first response. No, don't ask me. I got it. I got it. The other is that you might be defiant. So I might be like, well, I'm Elaine Flugner and I'm on the Entrepreneur on Fire podcast with John Lee Dumas. So how dare you ask me if I need support? I got it all going on. Nobody tell me nothing. I've been trying to get on John's podcast for five years since I first subscribed. Everyone, this is one of the first podcasts I subscribed to. So I might be smelling my own stuff and be feeling defiant, right?

9:21So that might be another one. The last one I will say is probably most of the women listening, you might feel defeated. So say you're the strong one in your family or the go-to person, the person that always gets it, right? So it's like, okay, I got it. I guess I got it. So those are usually the three reasons. You feel defensive or defiant or defeated. I want to jump on the word defensive because I've met so many people. They literally, Elaine, will ask me for advice. They'll be like, John, you're successful in X, Y, or Z, or you're unsuccessful in these areas. So help me, you know, you know, not be unsuccessful in those areas.

9:54Like, what'd you learn with those mistakes? Like either one. And then I tell them something with my lessons that I've learned and they just get like defensive all of a sudden they kind of turn. They're just kind of like, oh, well no, like that would never work for me because of this or like some kind of defensive mechanism like springs up in front of them. And I'm just like, like, where's this coming from? Like they're actually, they seem like they're coming to me for help or advice. But then when I'm trying to help them and give them advice, they're throwing this wall up and that just seems to happen.

10:19Fire Nation, just make sure that you're aware. that this isn't you going forward because there's so many people you can learn from. I mean, I'm standing upon the shoulders of giants who I've learned from this come before me. The same with Elaine. And now with the success that Elaine's had, I mean, people are standing upon her shoulders and going forth. You know, I mean, her fantastic book that we talked about in the intro, which we'll get to in a minute here as well. All these things. So key to learn, learn, learn, learn. We have that opportunity. Now we're gonna be talking about how to ask for help.

10:48Now that's an acronym, so get ready for that. and a few other amazing, amazing things when we get back from thanking our sponsors. Artificial intelligence has been a hot topic this year. Even if you're not using it, you've likely heard about the many benefits it can provide, like helping you save time, brainstorm ideas, and tackle your to-do list. But how do you put this into practice? If you find yourself spending hours each day on content creation, then I've got a tool that will help you do just that. Meet HubSpot's new AI-powered campaign assistant, a totally free-to-use AI tool tailored for the marketers and business builders who spend hours each day on content creation.

11:26Campaign Assistant will transform the way you work by crafting personalized emails, ads, and landing pages with just a few prompts in a matter of minutes. And you can start seeing the benefits fast. Just pick the content type, add key selling points, and let AI take it from there. Campaign Assistant isn't just free. It's also fully integrated with HubSpot's smart CRM so you can publish the AI-generated content directly into your landing pages and emails from your CRM. So work smarter, not harder. Head to hubspot.com slash campaign dash assistant to test drive campaign assistant for free. For something as valuable as your health, there's no reason to leave anything to chance, and there's so much we can do proactively to make sure we're on the right track.

12:07So whether you want to improve your heart health, cognition, metabolism, sleep, stress levels, or overall health span, InsideTracker provides the scientific tools and personalized insights you need to optimize your health from the inside out. Here's what you'll get included with your InsideTracker plan, a comprehensive health assessment that will reveal precisely where your health is optimized and where you require immediate action. You'll also get a personalized biomarker analysis that tests up to 48 blood biomarkers to discover how each marker is affecting your health and longevity. And you'll get a custom wellness plan with detailed, personalized recommendations for your nutrition, supplements, exercise, and lifestyle choices.

12:44There's nothing like having an action plan you can implement immediately. Stop playing guessing games when it comes to your health and longevity. Visit insidetracker.com and use promo code EOFIRE to get 20 % off your plan today. That's insidetracker.com and promo code EOFIRE for 20 % off. Do you have a message inside that you know is meant to be shared with the world? Giving a TEDx talk is one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world and Thought Leader can help you get there. Thought Leader is a speaker coaching company that has helped over 550 and counting coaches, speakers, entrepreneurs, authors, and experts land TEDx talks.

13:23Thought Leader is not affiliated with TED or TEDx, but they're able to get these results because their founder, Taylor Conroy, is a four-time TEDx speaker himself and past EO Fire guest. You might be thinking a TEDx talk sounds great, but where do you start? Taylor has put together a free training that is going to teach you how to land a TEDx talk in as little as 90 days. Join Taylor to learn exactly what TEDx organizers are looking for in their speakers, how to write a talk that goes viral once it goes online, and more. Visit thought-leader.com slash fire. Join Taylor for his free training and get your message out of your head, out of your heart, and out into the world where it belongs.

14:00That's thought-leader.com slash fire. Elaine, we're back. I want to start off by talking about why support is not only key to your business, but the secret to your peace of mind. Yeah, you know, on a serious note, when I was doing some research for my book, I found that not only is support, you know, a key to success in business, success in your career, success just in your everyday life. It's also very important for your health. So you think about how stressed out you might feel or having a lack of fulfillment in something you're doing because you don't want to get support or you're doing it yourself, or even a sense of isolation, which I know a lot of people have experienced, not through any fault of their own, because we are going through a pandemic at the time that we're recording this.

14:47And the numbers show that most women are committing, more women, I should say, are committing suicide today. In fact, I quote, the suicide rates for women ages 45 to 64 rose 63 % since 1999, according to the CDC. So making women in the age group of 45 to 64, the second highest group of women committing suicide. And the first group, the largest group, John, is girls ages 10 to 14. And a lot of times it's because you feel alone, you feel isolated, all these valid feelings, but feelings nonetheless that could be dangerous if you don't get support. So as John has talked about, of course, support looks like a mastermind, mentors, other people, friends, your fiance, family.

15:29but it could also look like support you pay for, whether that's a coach. I have a business coach I pay for. I talk to her every week. I have other coaches, right, that I pay for or therapy, whatever that help looks like. So I want people to know, everyone, not even just women, everyone listening to know that whatever that support needs to look like for you in the healthiest way, we want you to go for it. And there's a lot of options when I say therapy or professional help, a lot of options now, even online that are a lot less expensive than maybe going into an office, but you still get the support that you need.

16:00Oh, I will tell you, my mentor, Jamie Masters, when I launched was everything for my success in my podcast. She was a successful business podcast host. I wanted to be a successful business podcast host. She was the right mentor for me for that lane. And then of course, there's other lanes like Elaine's talking about where you definitely need to define what you need right now. Who is that person to serve you best? Now let's talk about help. It looks like it's an acronym, Elaine. So expound upon that. Yeah, everyone, when I talk about asking for support, most people might say, I don't know how or how should I ask?

16:32Or I don't know how to make the approach or I don't even think about it. Right. We're so quick again to say, I got it. It's OK. I got it. So I say just think of the word help. It is an acronym, John, H-E-L-P. So let's say the H is for, as we talked about earlier, having it all doesn't mean doing it all alone. Right. You do not have to do this by yourself. So stop choosing that. Make a choice to get all the connections or any of the connections that we've already talked about. But know and remember having it all doesn't mean doing it all alone The e john is for making an empowered ask So when I talk about this, i'm not saying you're asking like oh my gosh asking yourself question like oh my gosh, i'm so miserable Why can't I do this?

17:10Why haven't I done this yet? Why am I not as popular as john? Why am I not doing this like elaine? Why am I not doing all these things? Those are not empowered questions You have to make the empowered ask. Okay. I want to launch a podcast Who is someone that is doing it like I'd like to do it? Is that someone I can reach out to? How can I get in touch with that person? That's more of an empowered ask. The L is to let go of that how and then live the question. So Live the Question is something that I received, oh gosh, years ago when I first started my podcast, Support a Sexy, in 2016, inspired by you, John, where I interview women entrepreneurs.

17:47And I interviewed this woman, Patricia Moreno, on episode, I want to say, 26. And we don't have favorites, but it's one that I go back to. They're all my babies. They're all my babies, right? But out of 700 and something, she's one I go back to. this idea of, you know, as women, especially, we want to know all the answers, right? What's the answer? Just tell me I'm like that. Tell me what to do and I can just do it. I don't want to figure it out. Just tell me what to do. You have to get comfortable and courageous. I would say with living the question, the question might be, okay, what's the best way for me to grow my business right now?

18:20What's the best way for me to move into this new position at my company? I want to have children. What's the way for me to explore having a family? What might that look like? And it's not that you're asking that to write down the answer as soon as you ask it, you have to be courageous enough to live the question. And again, the other part of the L is let go of the how. You never know how that's going to happen. I didn't know how I was going to end up with entrepreneurs on fire, but here I am, right? Here we are. So then the P is believe in the possibilities. After you do all that other work, you can't go like, that's never going to happen to me.

18:51Or John, like you said, people being like, oh, that would never work for me. I think that's resistance as Steven Pressfield says in the War of Art, that's just resistance showing up, telling you that you can't do it, but you have to believe in the possibilities. Wow. First off, 700 plus episodes. I mean, Elaine, you are on fire, girl. I love it. I'm trying. I'm trying. Oh, you are succeeding. And Fire Nation, asking for support. It's not just about you. Expound upon this, Elaine. Yeah. In her book, Return to Love, Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Marianne Williamson, someone who I love, says, quote, You are a child of God.

19:33Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. So that is something that I take to heart. Anytime I want to shrink in or curl in and play small, it does not serve the world. In fact, I think it's being selfish, really. If you feel small, again, there might be reasons that you feel that way. How can you get support so you can, I'm literally spreading my arms here, John, so you can spread and take up space and stand in your power, right? So your playing small does not serve the world. And in fact, it's selfish.

20:06It is your responsibility, I would say. I would go so far as to say it is your responsibility to step into whatever it is you feel you are called to do. And this doesn't mean you have to do some grand thing like an Elon Musk or maybe it does, whatever it is for you. But just even the way you move in your family, the way you move in your life with your friends, all of these things, you are called to be as great as you can in those moments. And getting support is the way that you get there. You do not have to do it alone. Fire Nation, I hope you're spreading your arms wide as well like Elaine to just embrace all of this awesomeness that she is giving to us, that she is throwing our way.

20:45And Elaine, we've shared so, so much value today. The value bombs have been coming hard and strong. Share with us at the end here one thing you really want to make sure Fire Nation gets from everything that we've talked about. Give us a little insight into your amazing book and then we'll say goodbye. I hope that my book is the tap on the shoulder that you need at this point in your life. I really want women and especially men, women and the men who love them, let's say it like that, whether that's your mother, sister, partner, et cetera, to know the importance, as I said, of getting support, because not only is it helpful for your career, but it's also helpful for your peace of mind.

21:25And I want to leave you with you deserve it. That's why I want you to reach out for it, because you deserve it. How can Fire Nation connect with what you have going on, learn more about you, and then we'll say goodbye? Yes, the best way is to go to getoverigotit.com. You can find out about me. You can find out about the book. I have some giveaways there, too, related to the book, study guides, all kinds of things there. And I just want to say, John, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here, and I just appreciate you and your example as an entrepreneur and as a podcaster and as a person.

21:58Thank you. I love the value you're adding to this world, Elaine. Thank you for that as well. And Fire Nation, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And you've been hanging out with EF and JLD today. So let's keep up that heat. Head over to EO Fire and just type in Elaine, E-L-A-Y-N-E in the search bar. Her show notes page will pop up with literally everything we were talking about today. Best show notes in the biz. And Elaine, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side.

22:31Hey, Fire Nation. Today's value bomb content was brought to you by Elaine and Fire Nation. I've created a treasure trove of free courses for you. I teach you how to podcast, run a mastermind, create funnels that convert, and so much more. All you need to do is visit eofire.com slash resources to start learning for free today. I'll catch you there or I'll catch you on the flip side. The Gold Digger Podcast, hosted by my good friend, Jenna Kuchar, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. The Gold Digger Podcast helps you discover your dream career with productivity tips, social strategies, business hacks, inspirational stories, and so much more.

23:11A must-listen episode is one of Jenna's recents on everything you need to know about affiliate marketing. Listen to Gold Digger wherever you get your podcasts. Ever thought of giving a TEDx talk? It's one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world. And four-time TEDx speaker, Taylor Conroy from Thought Leader can help you get there. Visit thought-leader.com to join Taylor's free training where he teaches you how to land a TEDx talk and spread your message to millions.