How to Get Your Wife To Want You Again with Keith Yackey: An EOFire Classic from 2021

0:28Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation. talk about how you do not need to be a contrarian to be successful in life, how boring equals boring and fun equals fun and oh, so much more. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Keith and our sponsors. Over 41 ,000 businesses have future-proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud ERP, bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, and HR into one platform. Download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning for free at netsuite.com slash fire. Do you have the right mentor in your life right now? For the first time in seven years, I'm opening up a few mentorship slots for individuals who know they need the guidance and accountability to take their business and life to the next level.

1:14Email me at john at eofire.com with the subject line mentor and we'll schedule a 15 minute chat to go over the program and see if it's the right fit for you. So, Keith, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Well, welcome, welcome. I'm so, so stoked to be on here. Welcome, Fire Nation, and thanks for having me on JLD. So, what do I believe that is contrary to what most people think about being successful? I think it's this. I believe that a lot of people disagree that being yourself and being authentic and being contrarian, like growing up, I was always told to be successful.

2:02You had to look like others, do others, copy what others are doing in that. And I found actually the more I lean into my uniqueness, the more I lean into just kind of what makes me tick, the more successful I become. So I would say that the zeitgeist or the culture would say, you know, stick to the norm. Here's your route route. But for us entrepreneurs and for me specifically, I think the more I am just me and actually a lot of the things I was made fun of growing up and was tried to weed out of me are actually the things I've revisited and have become some of my superpowers. And I can vouch for this Fire Nation.

2:40Keith and I have been friends for many years. And in fact, just a few weeks ago, I actually had him up to my suite at an event that we were both at. And I actually tried to get him to do an impromptu stand-up comedy session, because that's something that he does. He likes to do a little stand-up comedy from time to time, because he is unique. And he has been able to embrace the things that make him a unique individual. And, you know, that's the thing, is we're all unique. But some people just don't realize their uniqueness because they are too busy trying to fit in or try to conform to something that is just not them.

3:19And as you can tell by this topic, it's not the typical business entrepreneurial focus topic. We're talking about how to get your wife to want you again. So for all the ladies that are out there, this is going to be a great conversation for you to maybe have some things going on in your mind about conversations you can be having with your man. And for all the men out there, same thing. And this goes for all ways, shapes, and forms. So for all that stuff, we can be talking all about that as well. So first off, how the heck, Keith, did you land on this as a topic? This will be very applicable to business, guys, because five years ago, making a lot of dough, running my business, and my wife left me.

4:03And she said this, Keith, you run your business all day. you come home and talk about your business, and then you fall asleep on the couch. And that was the day she said, I didn't sign up for this. I've talked with you. I've tried to get you to change, but this was not what we agreed to. So I'm out of here. So her and my daughter left, went to a totally different city. After a while, she found another guy and was starting to build her life. And that's where I felt as low and as lonely as I've ever felt in my entire life. and I realized that I ran my best friend, the greatest girl I've ever been with, I ran her out of my life.

4:41And that's when I started to realize, wait a second, there has to be another way because I've seen other people have great thriving businesses and great thriving relationships. And clearly I was missing the mark and that kicked off the journey of what we now know as married game. Yeah, and I'm really actually excited to talk about this because I actually had the realization back in like 2012 when I was launching Entrepreneurs on Fire, that at least for a few years of getting this off the ground, it was going to be all consuming. It was going to be all that I did, all that I talked about, all that I thought about.

5:12And here's Kate working a job as an account executive for an advertising agency. And I was like, oh man, I don't want to lose this girl. I don't want to lose this relationship. So for about six months, I had to pretty much on a daily basis try to convince Kate to quit her job to join my company and to join Entrepreneurs on Fire, because I knew that that would be such a great bonding experience if we were able to do it right, because then we would both know what was going on in the business. We'd have our fingers on the exact same pulse, and we would get it instead of one of us just kind of completely being in the dark about each other's life.

5:52So I was able to convince her to do that. Long story short, here we are almost 10 years later, engaged to be married in April. So, so far it's working out. I mean, you know, the future holds what the future holds, but it's working out so far. So I do want to know, according to your in-depth and personal research, Keith, you found that most women stop initiating and enjoying sex. Let's talk about why. I'm going to say the one punchline that a lot of guys have never considered, and it's this. she's lost attraction for you. And that's the day I realized when Jesse, like literally when a wife is willing to leave.

6:34And what I've also discovered, John, is most people, most women rather have thought about leaving a year to two years before they actually make the move. What? Yeah. And I've talked with so many women about it. There's stats that can back that up, but here's the crazy thing, dude, is when I realized that she left because she was no longer attracted to me. She was repelled from me. And basically what she said without saying it was, my life would be better without you in it. And I was like, wow. And it really hit. And why, the reason why a lot of guys don't think their woman has lost attraction is because a gal, that's a pretty thing, pretty harsh thing and pretty hard thing to say to somebody you're married to, or even, you know, long-term dating or engaged to is I'm just not that attracted to you.

7:24So here's how they say it. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. And so what happens is they've lost attraction. They're just like, why would I want to initiate sex with you? Why would I want to participate enthusiastically in sex with you when I'm repelled by you? Because you're not filling my love bucket. You're not filling my tanks. And you literally make me feel like a walking piece of meat. I mean, Fire Nation, something you need to think about is the reason why this is a business conversation is like, why do you work so hard? Like, why do you get up every morning and every day and work your little booty off?

8:03It's because you're looking to create lifestyle freedom, financial freedom. You're looking to be able to do what you want, where you want to do it, with whom you want to do it with. and guess what? Keith lost that last part years ago because he was no longer doing life with whom he wanted to do it with at that moment in time because he lost sight of that. So let's kind of keep talking about this, Keith, because I know you have four dials and I want to talk about what turning these dials actually does, what these dials are, and anything else you want to talk about around this topic. Here's the crazy thing is a lot of guys are asking, well, dude, why, why did she start losing attraction for me?

8:45You know, I provide, I protect, I produce. And when they say that, I go, okay, that sounds great. But tell me Casanova, when was the last time you made her feel sexy? When was the last time that you made her feel like the gal that you were dating. And so when we talk about these four dials, really what I'm saying is go back to the guy who was trying so hard just to get laid. Remember when you were first, like you saw your wife and you saw your fiance. And you're like, I better wear my best clothes. I want to put a squirt of cologne. I'm going to take her on a good date. And then what happens? Guys start to feel entitled.

9:27Hey, I'm doing all this other stuff. Just like you said, I'm doing this for you. And And even I told that to Jesse, I'm like, I'm building this for you. Cause we had just moved into our dream house. The way she broke up with me was really was crazy. She goes, I'll help you move into our dream house, but I'm not moving in with you. And that was like, I'm sitting in this, you know, 8 ,000 square foot, beautiful to the nines home. And I'm all alone. And I was like, okay, here's what happens. Here's the progression for guys. And guys really listen up. It starts with entitlement. If I'm doing all this, you should give me this.

9:58And that is a wrong way because what entitled people do, that entitlement then leads to apathy. That's when you stop courting your wife. That's when you stop dating. That's when you stop becoming the most attractive version of you. And that's when she starts losing attraction and starts chipping away bit by bit by bit. So the four dials that John is talking about, I'll explain those here because this is the way I've discovered of how to get that back and what it means. John, do you have any questions on that so far? Should I go into the four dials? Let's dive in, brother. All right, brother. All right.

10:34Dial number. So I believe there's four dials. And if you can crank up these four dials, you equal what we call the provocateur. And the provocateur is a name I came up with that basically is a man that provokes his wife to lust after him again. And even though we talk about sex a lot, the way I look at sex is like it's the apples on the tree. It's the fruit of a beautiful tree. And to have a good fruit, you got to have a good root. And so it starts with these four dials. And if you're willing to go all in on these four dials, you will get her attraction back. And in the process, you're going to become the most attractive version of you.

11:14And a lot of guys go, well, Keith, how will I know if I'm there? And I just say simply this, can you say, if my wife leaves, can you say from the bottom of your heart, well, that will be her loss? And will there be a hundred women at the door knocking on the door saying they want to be the next Mr. You or Mrs. You? So like there's some things like, okay, if you're becoming the most attractive version of you, she's not going to want to leave. So what does this provocateur mean? Well, dial number one, for those of us who have kids, it's the parenting dial. are you showing up as a parent that your wife is proud of for me I wasn't my wife literally said Keith I feel like a single parent and so much I don't even want to have a second kid with you because you were such a bad dad for our first one and I was like oh dang and and let me share with you guys it's not it's it's not that I neglected my daughter it's not that I wasn't there for my daughter.

12:17It's about the nuances. So let me give you a very quick example. Let's say I get off work at five, you know, my office is here at my house and I go, okay, let's go on a family date at 5.15. Let's all go to dinner. The old Keith would show up at 5.14 in 45 seconds and put his shoes on. I'm like, I'm ready to go. And I thought that was fine. The new Keith says, you know what? I'm going to show up 10 minutes early and see if there's a way I can help my wife with my daughter. She's seven. So I'll help her put her shoes on. I'll put her in the car seat. I'll make sure the car is turned on because if it's hot, we want the AC.

12:49If it's cold, let's have the heater. What if I just spent 10 minutes showing my wife, hey man, I'm in this with you. We are parenting and let's go. My wife, John, do check this out. My wife used to be afraid to leave my daughter overnight with me wondering if she was going to make sure that like she was taken care of. What a horrible indictment. But you know what my wife does now? She leaves two or three, you know, probably twice a month, she'll just leave for the weekend to go hang out with her brother and her mom and her family, which is about an hour away. And she'd be like, bye, you two have fun.

13:19And she knows my daughter is going to have the best two days of the world with Dada. You know what I mean? So, and one of the things my wife told me was, when you are an amazing dad, it's a huge turn on for me because I don't feel like a single parent with a dude that's just making me do everything. So that's the first dial, the parenting dial. Any comment you want to make on that? No comments whatsoever, but we have a lot to get to and we are already deep into this interview. So Fire Nation, we will be back into these three more dials as well as a little teaser about Cyndi Lauper being the greatest American poet when we get back from thanking our sponsors.

13:56It would be really nice if we could predict what the future holds for our business. Talk about saving a lot of time and frustration, but predictions are just that, predictions. Rates will rise or fall, inflation's up or down. Can someone please invent a crystal ball? Until we can actually see into the future, over 41 ,000 businesses have future-proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud ERP bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, and HR into one fluid platform. NetSuite gives you one source of truth so you can have the visibility and control you need to make quick decisions.

14:31And with real-time insights and forecasting, you can see into the future with actionable data. If our businesses needed this type of software, I'd use NetSuite in a heartbeat because whether your company is earning millions or even hundreds of millions, NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize your biggest opportunities. Speaking of opportunity, download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning at netsuite.com slash fire. The guide is free to you at netsuite.com slash fire, netsuite.com slash fire. Question for you, Fire Nation. Do you have the right mentor in your life right now?

15:06For me, mentorship was everything from when I was just getting started in podcasting, webinars, course creation, book writing, you name it. I hired a mentor to guide me every step of the way. For the first time in seven years, I'm opening up a few mentorship slots for individuals who know they need the guidance and accountability to take their business and life to the next level. It's a three-month program, and together we will achieve massive results. If you're interested in learning more, email me at john at eofire.com with the subject line, Mentor, and we'll schedule a 15-minute chat to go over the program to see if it's the right fit for you.

15:46That's john, J-O-H-N, at eofire.com, but only if you're prepared. to ignite. Keith, dial it up, brother. What's dial number two? Dial number two is the partner dial. So we've covered what the parenting looks like. Now, the partnering basically means, hey, we're in this together. And what I believe this looks like, especially for entrepreneurs, a lot of times us guys, we're hard charging. And sometimes our wife stays at home or our wife does some of those types of things. And they can kind of get absorbed into our life and lose their identity. And a woman that, that, that, that drives women crazy.

16:28And I don't think it's, it's, it's called for or necessary. So what we do for our life is I make sure Jesse knows that I support the things that are important to her. And this is going to sound crazy, but I do a lot of this type of stuff. My wife loves singing karaoke, like just absolutely loves it. And we have a lot of parties at our house that always devolve into a karaoke session. So I thought, you know what? I'm going to buy her a PA system. I'm going to buy her a microphone, a microphone stand, speakers, the full mixing board. I bought her the coolest PA system ever. So now every time we have a party, guess where she ends up?

17:08She ends up on that PA system, just going to town, singing karaoke. And all my friends are fighting her for the mic. And she feels seen, heard, respected, and invested in. And she's like, watching me watch her do her thing, not just her watching me do my thing all the time. And that has been huge. Oh, I love that. I love that. Keep the dials rolling. All right. Third dial is the producer dial. And I mean, we are on the channel listening to the podcast with producers. And it's not just that you are making a ton of money. It's not just that you have a big business because not every guy has a business.

17:48What I believe the producer dial is, is you have ambition and drive for more. Yeah. You have ambition and like a mission bigger than just yourself that gets you up every day and goes, my wife says, I love the on fire Keith. I hate the lazy Keith. She goes, the on fire Keith turns me on. You inspire me. I watch you get up early. I watch you chase down your goals. I watch you invest in people and care about people. That turns me on. So when guys aren't producing, and I've been that guy, man, I'm the guy sleeping in, eating way too many Chipotle burritos. Even if I was running my business and making a bunch of money, it's more about the drive, ambition, and being a leader that's taking people to the promised land.

18:36That is a huge turn on. Dial number four. this is the one that most guys massively mess up and it's the player dial the player dial is really simple to understand because people go what do you mean player like you're married what is it because player in in the in the outside world sense outside of a marriage is like oh this is a guy that just does one night stands he plays with girls hearts no no that's not what i'm talking about i'm talking about showing up the same way you did when you were really trying to court this lady when you were trying to win her and here is the way you know if you're meeting the standard I love standards I love like what's the bar and I want to exceed that so here's the bar every guy remembers the really beautiful girl in high school imagine if she was your age now and just as beautiful found you on Facebook looked you up and said you are so attractive I really want you to take me on a date and let's say you're single and you can do that right You're not cheating on doing that.

19:36How would you show up for that date? What would you wear? How would you look? How clean would you be? How much planning would you put into that date? You would go over the top to wow this lady. Now go do that to your wife. That's what a player means. It means you take care of your body. It means you smell good. It means you don't show up with bad breath and expecting her to kiss you. It means you don't expect anything at all because you're like the James Bond type of guy that everything's no big deal. I don't have needs per se. I don't need anything. I want certain things, but I also know that to get what I want, I need to provide more value to the person that I'm getting it from.

20:15And so that's my wife. So I want to make sure that she feels sexy. A lot of people talk about date night, but yet just because they know it and sometimes they do it, they're not becoming the guy that makes that a non-negotiable and their dates are like, yeah, we went and ran and did errands at Lowe's. I'm like, oh my gosh, dude, that's the boringest thing ever. Take her to a concert, take her to stand-up comedy, go ride e-bikes around town, like go do something fun and remind her that she's not just a mom. She's that hot babe that you couldn't wait to get into your arms. Treat her like that again.

20:52and you hit those four dials all on 10, you, my friend, become the provocateur. And that's when she goes, start sending you texts with not as much clothes on. When are you getting off work, big boy? That's how you get it done, man. Wow, I think that's a text that most husbands would enjoy from their wives. So Fire Nation, start turning these dials. And I'm not sure if this is actually a song that your wife likes when it comes to karaoke, but we all know that girls just want to have fun. And you take it a step further by saying that Cindy Lauper is the greatest American poet alive. Why? Why is that, Keith?

21:34Because honestly, if we follow her one refrain, if you understand that girls just want to have fun and you create that fun with your wife, she will respond in kind. And I have a formula that is going to sound very basic, but yet it is the greatest math formula ever. You ready? Ready. Boring equals boring. Fun equals fun. And I get guys that come in and be like, dude, I want my wife to be wild and bad. And I want her to be wild. And I look at the guy and go, bro, there's nothing wild about you. You're as boring as they get. So if you don't want a boring, intimate sex life, then why are you boring?

22:24Because if you put boring in, you're going to get boring out. But if you put fun in, you'll get fun out. And I've realized this over the last couple of years. The greatest punchline, like the ultimate punchline to what I do at Married Game is I realized this. the guy that creates the most fun for he and his wife is the guy that has the greatest intimacy, the greatest connection, and the most vibrant sex life of anybody else. Fire Nation, kind of a little bit of a mic drop there with very clear words. Boring equals boring, fun equals fun. And fun can have a lot of meaning. So use your imagination.

23:05And Keith, With Married Game, let's talk about what you have going on right now. Tell Fire Nation really the biggest takeaway that you want us to have from this entire conversation we had all about Married Game and how they can connect more with you. And then we'll say goodbye. I help guys just like you and me who have probably gone through times where their wife is not initiating or their wife is saying, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. or their wife is not that enthusiastic, like sex is kind of more like a check, you know, part of the to-do checklist, and it's kind of feels like pity sex.

23:40And so what I've discovered is this, a lot of guys are frustrated with that, and they have complaints about their wife. And I tell them straight up when they come into my program, when they work with me, I say this, listen, until you can tell me that you're the most attractive version of you, you really don't have any right to be pointing the finger at her. And so what we do for 90 days is help men become the most attractive version of them in every aspect during all the four dials. So that way, at the end of those 90 days, rather than make a decision from desperation or being disempowered, I want them to make the life decision by being empowered.

24:22And when you're the most attractive version of you, you make decisions that are empowered, not from desperation. So the really, the real goal of Mary game.com is a to have a guy to stop and go, how attractive am I to my wife? And number two, what is my plan to become the most attractive version of me? And you know, the truth JLD hit up levels, everything in your life, not just your sex life, not just your intimacy, but your friendships, your business, everything, man. Byron Nation, I hope you're getting a little excited about what's going on here. I mean, you're getting the step-by-step process to up-level not just some things, not just that one thing, but everything, because that's exactly why I wanted to get Kate involved in the business, because I knew that it would help us continue to be on the same level, to have fun, fun equals fun, and it would up-level everything.

25:19because you're the average Fire Nation of the five people you spend the most time with. You've been hanging out with KY and JLD today. So keep up the heat. Head over to eofire.com, type Keith in the search bar. His show notes page will pop up with everything that we've talked about here today, including your call to action, marriedgame.com. Go check out what's happening over there, Fire Nation. A lot of great stuff. And Keith, thank you for sharing your truth, knowledge, value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you, and we'll catch you on the flip side. Hey, Fire Nation. Today's value bomb content was brought to you by Keith and Fire Nation.

25:56If you've ever thought about creating a podcast of your own, the podcast journal is for you. It is gorgeous. It is full leather and it will guide you step-by-step in the creation and launch of your podcast in 50 days, five zero. Visit thepodcastjournal.com and I'll catch you there or on the flip side. over 41 000 businesses have future-proofed their business with netsuite by oracle the number one cloud erp bringing accounting financial management inventory and hr into one platform download the cfo's guide to ai and machine learning for free at netsuite.com slash fire do you have the right mentor in your life right now for the first time in seven years i'm opening up a few mentorship slots for individuals who know they need the guidance and accountability to take their business and life to the next level.

26:48Email me at john at eofire.com with a subject line mentor, and we'll schedule a 15 minute chat to go over the program and see if it's the right fit for you.