How to Make Confidence a Habit with Dr. Cindra Kamphoff

0:01John Lee Dumas:Boom, shake the room, Fire Nation, JLD here, and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire, brought to you by High Level, the all-in-one sales and marketing platform. And today we'll be breaking down how to make confidence a habit. To drop these value bonds, I brought Dr. Cindra Kamphoff and EO Fire Studios. Dr. Cindra is an award-winning keynote speaker, mental performance coach, and author of The Confidence Habits, helping leaders, athletes, and teams build lasting confidence and perform at their best. So today we talk about the confidence crisis, confidence as a business advantage, building a limited confidence, and oh, so much more.

0:33John Lee Dumas:And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Dr. Sindra and our sponsors. Fire Nation, is your business stuck? Join Eric Trump and Clay Clark's life-changing business conference, November 5th and 6th in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Learn the specific proven systems Clay Clark has used to create thousands of success stories today at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire. Again, request tickets today at thrivetimeshow.com slash EO fire. If you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. High Level gives you website hosting, funnels, email marketing, automation, calendar booking, payments, and course hosting all on one platform, plus award-winning 24-7 support.

1:11John Lee Dumas:Get a 30-day free trial and my full bonus stack that includes a 15-minute private call with me and much more at highlevelfire.com. Highlevelfire.com. Dr. Sindra say what's up to fire nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with. Well, JLD, I've been waiting to come on your podcast for 10 years. So this is the day I've had the circled on my calendar forever. And I want to share what I believe that, uh, is a miss a big myth. I believe one of the biggest myths about success is that successful people feel confident all the time, but they don't.

1:52Confidence is a feeling, yes, but feelings naturally come and go. And the people who become successful, they don't wait for the feeling of confidence. They know they have to create it through their habits.

2:03John Lee Dumas:And Fire Nation, that's why we're talking about how to make confidence a habit. And I just want to start by talking about the confidence crisis because you recently led the National Research study on confidence. So what exactly, number one, inspired the study? And what was the most surprising insight that emerged from that data? All right. Awesome question. You know, I've spent the last 25 years coaching Olympians, executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders. And I kept hearing this one kind of question and people just coming to me, you know, with this idea that they need more confidence and people are saying like, I'm not enough.

2:37And so I led this national research study on confidence that I wanted to see what was really going on all around the United States and all different generations. And JLD, we found two thirds of Americans say that we are in a crisis of confidence in America today. And the biggest surprise for me isn't that new confidence was a struggle that people had, but nearly 70 % of people told us that they battle a harsh inner critic and have difficulty moving on from mistakes. We also found 81 % of people are attracted to companies and bosses that build their confidence. And this is important for entrepreneurs because confidence isn't just a personal issue.

3:20It's a business problem. You know, confidence determines whether you launch an idea, whether you pitch an investor, whether you raise your prices, hire your first employee, or recover from that failure that you've experienced.

3:32John Lee Dumas:Fire Nation, we are talking to a confidence expert. It's going to be a theme today as we continue to talk about confidence as a business advantage. Because Dr. Sindra, you said confidence isn't just a personal issue. It's actually an organizational one. Break that down for us. Okay. So I'd say most people think that confidence is personal. Like it's my personal decision to grow my confidence, but we know confidence is actually contagious. Leaders transfer confidence to their teams every day. And when a leader lacks confidence, they micromanage, they avoid hard conversations, they delay decisions, they play small, and that uncertainty spreads.

4:13But leaders who build confidence, they create clarity, psychological safety, innovation, resilience, and they allow people to fail. And so one of the things we found, JLD, is that our research shows that 63 % of people are willing to take less pay to work with a leader who builds their confidence. And we also found that confidence, when people are confident in your business, they are more productive, there's better culture, and there's even an increase in revenue. So confidence is one of the most overlooked competitive advantages.

4:47John Lee Dumas:Can you maybe share one or two examples of ways that people's confidence are built in productive, meaningful ways? Absolutely. So my book, The Confidence Habit, Seven Practices to Transform Self-Doubt to Self-Belief. I really talk about seven of them based on our research. And, you know, most people, JLD, think that confidence is just a feeling, but we know that feelings fluctuate. they come and go. And I would say it's also a decision, it's a skill, and it's a belief. And so all three of those things are important to build confidence as a habit. I would say two main ways that you can grow your confidence is number one, by really connecting with your inner coach.

5:29What does your inner coach say? Craft that inner coach. What do you say when you're really, you know, on fire? There we go, on fire, JLD. And how can you keep growing that inner coach? You could also move on quickly from mistakes. And like any skill, confidence grows with practice, with repetition. You can learn to be resilient. You can learn to bounce back from setbacks and your brain has, you know, can change. It has neuroplasticity. And that I think is an incredible thing about confidence. It does waver. It does, you know, come up and down, but you can continue to reset that confidence every day.

6:04John Lee Dumas:So you did mention the confidence habit and, you know, we're going to talk a little bit about some of the seven practices for building lasting confidence, but like, how would you define confidence and why is this a skill that anyone can develop? So confidence is a feeling. And like I said, that feeling comes and goes. What's important is to not overthink that feeling of a lack of confidence. And what I would say is successful people and successful entrepreneurs, what they do is they act before they feel confident. And that action is more important than the feeling of confidence. And don't overthink that feeling.

6:40That feeling is not very stable. And so think about these four parts of confidence on a continuum, feeling less stable. The belief in yourself is more stable. And I want you to think about as an entrepreneur that you need a million dollars in your bank account. And what I mean by that is your confidence bank account. Every time you build yourself up, you're putting money in that bank account. Every time you are hard on yourself, you're critical of yourself, you're taking money away. And we know that self-compassion, this idea of being kind to yourself when you feel inadequate and you fail is actually the way to get ahead.

7:14That is one way to grow your confidence. And so the skill of confidence continues to grow by practicing it and trusting yourself regardless of the outcome. And that allows you to develop the habit of confidence.

7:27John Lee Dumas:There's so many powerful things here. I mean, Fire Nation, I've been interviewing people for 14 years. Dr. Cinder's episode 5 ,896 right now. And I've learned a lot from my guests. Like they're my mentors. I learned from them. They're my coaches. Dr. Cinder is coaching me right now. She's mentoring me when it comes to confidence, because this is her area of expertise. I'm listening, I'm learning. And I will tell you without a doubt, if you were to ask me, like, what are two things that most of your guests have in common? I would say, number one, they're consistent, but number two, they are confident and they have confidence in what they do.

8:01John Lee Dumas:So guess what? It allows them to do it consistently because they get up, they're confident that what they're doing is working, it's helping, it's solving problems. And so they do it every single day. I am confident that Entrepreneurs on Fire is helping you, the listener, in some way, shape, or form because Dr. Sindra has a platform to come on and drop value bombs, her zone of fire, her area of expertise. And I mean, think about a time in your life, by the way, like when you were talking, Dr. Syndrome, I went back to being a freshman in high school. I was starting on the varsity soccer team. I had no confidence.

8:33John Lee Dumas:I was like, I don't belong here. I'm smaller than everybody. Like I'm not that good. Um, I'm not at least good enough to be on the field. Like I was lacking confidence and I was playing like it. Like, I remember my dad pulled me aside at one point. He's like, he's like, I've never seen you play like, so like, like out of sorts, like you're you don't have any confidence because it wasn't there. And then in the second half, I literally had a very lucky header. It was a cross from one of our players. I kind of like half jumped up, but I wasn't even really confident. So I wasn't doing something intentionally, but the ball hit me in the head.

9:08John Lee Dumas:I was trying to head it and boom, back of the net. I scored a goal. The crowd went wild. And I was just like, oh my God, that was amazing. And my confidence went from zero to like 90, not 100, but like to 90. I was like, I can do this. And I played like a different person for not just the rest of that game, but that season of my entire soccer career in high school. And like, I just took that confidence with me. So it can be something, it can be something so small, Fire Nation, that just twists you and turns you and turns you into a confident person. Like I used to be so nervous and awkward on dance floors, but then I just decided, you know what?

9:44John Lee Dumas:I'm going to practice dancing. I'm going to get good. And now I love dance floors. I love getting on dance floors and dancing because I have the confidence and I don't care that people might think that I'm not a great dancer because I don't care. I'm having fun and I'm confident in what I'm doing. Confidence is so key. So we're going to talk about capturing our wins, learning, burning, returning, confidence, dream, and more when we get back from thanking our sponsors. Fire Nation, is your business stuck? Join Eric Trump and Clay Clark's life-changing business conference, November 5th and 6th in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

10:13John Lee Dumas:Learn the specific proven systems Clay Clark has used to create thousands of millionaire success stories. See thousands of success stories and testimonials from real people just like you who Clay Clark has mentored and coached into prosperity at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire. Clay's proven business coaching program is month to month and it costs less money than hiring a minimum wage employee. Yes, it's month to month and costs less money than hiring a minimum wage employee. Schedule your free personal 13-point assessment with Clay Clark himself today at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire. Because Clay only takes on 160 clients and only allows 300 attendees to each business conference, you will interact with Clay directly, see thousands of real success stories, and learn about attending the Thrive Time Show two-day in-person workshops featuring football star and entrepreneur Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump, today at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire.

11:01John Lee Dumas:Become the next success story. Schedule a free consultation and request tickets to join football star and entrepreneur Tim Tebow and President Trump's son, Eric Trump, at Clay Clark's next business conference today at thrivetimeshow.com slash EOFire. Fire Nation, if you are building a real business, you need real infrastructure. That is why High Level is Entrepreneur on Fire's featured partner. High Level gives you a website builder and hosting, funnels and landing pages, email marketing, appointment scheduling, payment processing, course and membership hosting, and so much more. Everything you need to succeed, all under one roof.

11:35John Lee Dumas:No duct tape, no juggling five platforms, just one clean system for your business. And their award-winning 24-7 support has your back when you need it most. When you sign up at highlevelfire.com, You also get my exclusive bonus stack, a 30-day free trial, a private 15-minute call with me, JLD, access to my weekly live office hours, a digital copy of my book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, my 50 Days to Something Execution Roadmap, and more. Visit highlevelfire.com and start building your something today. Dr. Sindra, we're back. And as I kind of teased before the break, I want to talk about capturing our wins because Because one of the practices that you teach is capture your wins.

12:16John Lee Dumas:So I want to know why this habit is so powerful and how it personally changed the way that you approach both challenges and growth. Awesome question, JLD. So the Confidence Habit book covers the seven practices of growing confidence. And number five is capture your wins. And I think, first of all, this is so important for entrepreneurs because we're wired to solve problems. And the downside is we constantly focus on what's next, right? We hit one milestone, we celebrate for about 30 seconds, and then we immediately ask like, what's broken? How can we do better, right? So our brain becomes incredibly efficient at spotting what's missing while overlooking really everything that we've accomplished.

12:56And so I don't do this naturally, JLD. Even now as I'm working towards the national bestseller list and the New York Times bestseller list with this book, like it can be really easy to be overwhelmed. And how I've learned to practice this is my dad recently spent 51 days in the ICU and JLD, it was so hard. The first two weeks were so up and down and, you know, we weren't quite sure what was going to happen. And I was having a really hard time staying positive, even though that that is one of my superpowers. And one day I literally just put a sticky note on the wall and it was one small thing we could celebrate.

13:35That day, for example, he got a pillow. The next day he sat up in his chair. The next day he got his ECMO out, which is the heart support that was really supporting and keeping him alive at that moment. And what we realized was the change of energy in our room and the doctors and nurses were consistently kind of naming us and sharing, wow, they were surprised that we were so positive. And I saw that it helped him as well. And so we started this win wall 51 days. We had a new kind of sticky note on the wall. And why I wanted to share this with people is because you can do the same. I have one in my family.

14:13We have one where we put a win on the board every single day and it could be something small. You could do this with your teams where at the beginning of a meeting, you start with the wins and you say, hey, what can we celebrate today? Or you can at the end of your day also write down your wins, just three small wins. And that can help grow your confidence and build momentum.

14:33John Lee Dumas:Let's talk about learn, burn, return. So you've called learn, burn, return your favorite tool from your book. So walk us through how it works and why it's been so transformative for both you, but also the people that you coach. Okay, great question. So entrepreneurs, you know, we fail constantly when we're really trying to push ourselves and try new things. We might lose clients or launches flop. And so I learned this tool and really taught this tool to many of the professional athletes that I work with. And one of the professional athletes I worked with actually pretended to flush a toilet on the sidelines, JLD.

15:08Okay, this was his burn. But let me explain it to you. So the first step when you feel that you're overthinking or you're questioning yourself and you're having a hard time letting go of a mistake, I want you to learn and ask yourself, what would I do differently next time? And that's so important because you can't do anything about what happened five minutes ago or five months ago or five years ago. Most entrepreneurs and leaders I know, JLD, they get stuck in the learn. They learn, they over process. Next, we need to burn. And that means to let it go. And if we choose the same phrase or action every time, that strengthens a new neural pathway and you're less likely to overthink.

15:47Right. Mine is I say how fast with a snap. This football player I was just sharing with you, he he pretended to flush a toilet and said flush. Choose yours. OK. And then return means we build our confidence back up. We remind ourselves this is our passion. This is our purpose. I know what I'm doing and I'm meant for this job. and most people, by the way, they get stuck in the learn, as I mentioned, you know, JLD, one of the things I do is I'm a keynote speaker and I ask every audience that I'm in front of, I say, raise your hand if you're an overthinker. You won't believe it, but at least 90 % of the room raises their hand.

16:24And to be honest, the other 10%, they're just overthinking if they should raise their hand. And my point of just saying this is most high achievers, most people I know want to be their best. And so we know if you're really taking risks, you're really going after the things that you're passionate about. If you're really dreaming big as an entrepreneur, you're going to fail. And what's important is to fail quicker and to move forward quicker to protect your confidence. And that's what that learn, burn, return tool can do is to get back in the present moment, let go of what just happened so that you're continuing to build the business you are meant to build.

17:01John Lee Dumas:Yeah. And I'm actually going to have to say that it's only 9 % of people in that room are overthinking it because there is a 1 % and I'm in that 1%. I've, I've never been an overthinker. In fact, it's been to my detriment multiple times because I don't even think about something. Usually I just do it. I just jump into things. And that's why myself and Kate are such a good partnership because she's way overthinker. I'm way under thinker. So we usually kind of meet in the middle where like we actually at least put some thought into stuff before I just go off and do something really stupid. So let's talk about building your confidence dream team?

17:33John Lee Dumas:Because in the confidence habit, you introduce the idea of building that confidence dream team. What does that actually look like in real life? And how can entrepreneurs intentionally surround themselves with people who strengthen, not drain their confidence? This is practice number seven, compose your winning team. Because GLD confidence is never built alone. And sometimes confidence is borrowed before it's built. And I think about people who've built, you know, my confidence, my dad, my coaches, my sisters, for example. And I think entrepreneurs should really ask just one question. Who do I spend time with after I leave feeling bigger instead of smaller?

18:11And that's who you want to continue to surround yourself with. So the dream team of confidence includes five roles. Number one, your cheerleader. This needs to be someone who picks you up when you fall. And as I'm describing these, I'd like you to think, okay, who is in these five roles and how do I need to keep leveling up these five roles given what my goals are? So number one, again, cheerleader, who picks you up when you fall? For me, it is my sister. It is my husband. It is my dad. Who is your mentor? Someone ahead of you in your journey. And this is so important. Who can help you get there even quicker?

18:46And again, if you don't have a mentor, who could be your mentor? Identify that now. I have many speaking mentors and business mentors who are just a little bit further along in my journey. One named Ross Bernstein. Number three is your coach. Who pushes you to the next level? And JLD, I got three coaches, right? Because I am a coach as well, but I know coaches need coaches. And I know that a coach is going to help me get to where I want to go quicker. Number four is your best friend. Who's always by your side? And I got amazing friends. you do to JLD like Heidi and my friend Nikki. A challenger is someone who supports you and challenges you in a positive way.

19:26For me, that's my sister and my husband. And you need all five of these to really be your best. And we did this exercise the other day with our mentally strong coaches. These are people who are trained in my methodology. And it was interesting because almost everyone discovered that they had missing seats in their confidence team, their dream team. One coach realized that the exact mentor she needed wasn't there. And so she actually hired me the next week, which is pretty cool. You know, your dream team shouldn't happen by accident. It's built based on where you want to be in the next five or 10 years from now.

20:00So I'm going to ask every entrepreneur who's listening, ask yourself, who do I need in my dream team to become that person I want to be in five or 10 years?

20:10John Lee Dumas:I mean, that's a value bomb, Fire Nation. And I want to have a closing value bomb with what's one confidence building habit that our listeners, Dr. Sindra, that Fire Nation can start practicing today that will have the biggest impact on their business and life? One of the biggest things that you can do is something I mentioned earlier about crafting your inner coach and your self-talk shapes your confidence. So you need to learn to quiet the inner critic and strengthen your inner coach. one way that you can do that is through a tool I call the truth meter. All right. So JLD, can you think of a statement you say to yourself that's not true?

20:48John Lee Dumas:I don't have time to train weight train today. Okay. I don't have time to weight train that today. So the truth meter is three quick questions you ask yourself to choose that inner coach. Number one, JLD, is that statement true that You don't have time to weight train today. No, because I waste so much time doing other things. All right. Number two, is that thought serving you? Is that thought helping you become a better version of yourself? No, it just makes me disappointed. Yes. And you know, you really want to weight train. Yeah, totally. So that's really a really important goal to you. Number three, what would be a more empowering thought that you could choose right now or the next time you are saying that thought, I don't have time to weight train?

21:33John Lee Dumas:I'm going to make time to become a healthier person by weight training today. Excellent. And then you're going to set your intention to do so. Is there another thought that would be even more powerful that you could choose in that moment that's even more powerful than the one that you just said? I'm going to let you tell us. I would say the one thing that you'd want to say is I'm going to do it today and set the intention and say exactly when you're going to do it and remind yourself why you want to do it. Yeah. Put a time on that. Let's go. And this tool, what it helps you do is just take poke holes in that automatic negative thought.

22:03You don't choose all the thoughts that you have, nor do I. And so what the truth meter allows you to do is just, again, ask three questions. Is that true? Is that serving me? What would be a more empowering thought I could choose right now? And there's probably even something that's even more empowering.