If the System Doesn’t Work, Create a New One with Bobbi L. Parish

0:01Who's ready to rock today fire nation JLD here and welcome to entrepreneurs on fire brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network with great shows like Duct Tape Marketing. Today, we'll be talking about how if the system doesn't work, create a new one. To drop these value bombs, I brought to Bobby Parrish and the EO Fire Studios. Bobby endured decades of trauma and mental illness, failed by the systems meant to help. She founded the International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaching, changing the way trauma survivors recover. And we'll talk, Fire Nation, about being a trauma survivor. We'll talk about how to have a positive mindset, how neuroscience can rewire our brain, and how Bobby's going to change the world, and so much more.

0:44And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Bobby and our sponsors. Outbound Squad, hosted by Jason Bay, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Tune in for convos with leading sales experts and top performing reps to help you land more meetings with your ideal clients. One of my faves, the monthly ep with Jason and Ethan, where they share hacks, tips, and tricks, Listen to Outbound Squad wherever you get your podcasts. Bobby, say what's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with.

1:21Oh, I'm so overjoyed to be able to share with you this because it affected me for most of my life. And it is that if you have had a lack of success in the past and you have had a whole bunch of people tell you that you can't do it, they're wrong. You can do it. Fire Nation, you can do it. And that's one of the themes of today's episode, because if the system doesn't work, create a new one. That's our focus. That's our conversation today. And I want to start by talking about what happens when you let the past define you as a person. Talk to us about that, Bobbi. Yes, you bet. Because so many of us have experienced this, whether it was your parents when you were young, whether it was the school system, whether it was your peers.

2:16for me it was going into the mental health system and asking for help because of the trauma that I endured as my child as a child and being told that there was something wrong with me I was broken I couldn't do the things and when we let those things define us we let them limit us then we have few things up open to us and fire nation we're not here to limit ourselves we are here to take control of our presence, to make our future, because if the system doesn't work, we're going to create a new one. And you, Bobby, are a trauma survivor. Why does it feel like successful entrepreneurship was unavailable to you?

3:03Because everyone told me that there was something wrong with me. When I went to grad school to become a marriage and family therapist, My professors told me that I had no potential to contribute to the field because of the trauma that I had endured and the mental health issues that I had suffered with because of that. And I let that shut me down. And I took that on as the truth. And so, you know, it's interesting because I've listened to your podcast for years. I love that. And I thought, oh, that's never going to be me. I can't do that. I've been told by all these people that it's not possible for me to do that.

3:44And I believed it. And so I was limited by my own beliefs about who I was and what I had the potential to do. This is powerful stuff, Fire Nation. And I really hope that this podcast is going to get through to you if you need it and you're listening. Or think about somebody in your life that could use this message and share with them. because this is powerful things because trauma actually changes our brain. It makes it harder to believe in ourselves and actually have a positive mindset. So, Bobbi, tell us more about this topic. Yes, trauma changes your brain. There's a part of the brain called the default mode network and it's the part of our brain that is in charge of taking in what we learn socially and creating our sense of self.

4:36So if we have been told by the people around us, especially people that we really care about, like our parents, like our peers, like the system that we go to to get help, that there's something wrong with us and we can't do whatever it is that we want to do, that hardwires into our brain. And so when someone says to us, oh, well, you know, just shift your mindset, just think more positively. And I want everybody out there who's listening, who's ever been told that if you just thought differently about yourself, that everything would be okay. I want you to hear that that's because that's the way your brain's been wired.

5:18It's not you. There's nothing wrong with you. And you can rewire your brain. Fire Nation, it is possible. Bobbi's done it. Many people that she's known have done it. People she's worked with have done it. Because listen, this is the one pass at life that we have right now in this moment. What do you want to tell trauma survivors out there right now, Bobbi? I want to let them know that they can rewire their brain and I want to tell them how. You know, oftentimes we're told that that inner critical voice in our head that's telling us, oh, you can't do it. And that's the part, that's that voice that comes from that default mode network.

6:00What we're often told is just to tell that voice, be quiet, go away. I don't have to listen to you. But the reality is, that's what changes that voice is meeting it with compassion. Because those voices get set into our system in service of our own survival. They're trying to prevent us from ever being hurt again. What that voice is actually trying to say to you is be small, be quiet, be invisible, don't step a foot out there because you might just have someone say to you again, oh, I see you and you're not good enough. Oh, I see you and there's something wrong with you, Right. So instead of turning to that inner voice and saying, go away, you're bugging me.

6:55You say to that voice, hey, I see you and I know you've been trying to help me. What do you need me to know? And what can I let you know so that you can stand down? That's what rewires your brain. Bobby, can you give us a personal story? Because I'm really moved by your story. I'm moved by what you've accomplished with all the trauma you've experienced with the struggles that you've had. And I know Fire Nation would really resonate with something that came directly from your life. Yes, you bet. So my childhood was filled with trauma, all sorts of trauma. And I went into a significant depression in my 20s and tried to get help, bounced in and out of seven different psychiatric wards.

7:44I was homeless for a while, disabled, unable to work, and finally got on my feet and got back into school, got my grad degree, but was told by my professors, hey, you don't have any potential to contribute because of what you've been through. And I sat with that for a long time, and I believed it. but I finally figured out that I wanted to change my life and I did not want other trauma survivors to go through what I went through so in 2017 I launched the International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaching and I began teaching other people how to be trauma recovery coaches And we now have trained over the past five years, 600 coaches around the globe to work with trauma survivors.

8:42And that's what I mean when I say if the system is broken because the system I tried to get help in was definitely broken, I made a new one. And so we now have, you know, my goal is to flood the earth. Yes. with trauma recovery coaches that anybody out there who has an internet connection can connect with a trauma recovery coach and get the help they need and not have to suffer for 30 years like I suffered. Fire Nation, we have some powerful things to talk about when we get back from thanking our sponsors. I still can't believe Kate and I met as neighbors almost 13 years ago. We were incredibly lucky to find ourselves sharing a wall.

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11:16Now, Bobby, we're back and we're going to keep going here because this is such an important topic. You know, something I've shared with you personally, actually, and most of Fire Nation knows about this. If they listen to some episodes, I've talked about it occasionally is I dealt with pretty severe trauma at a very young age. You know, if you consider your mid twenties young and I was an army officer in war of the 16 men that I took to Iraq, four did not return. And I've really carried that with me for my life. And, you know, I've worked through it, but of course I dealt with PTSD and I still deal with survivor's guilt and things along those lines.

11:56And, you know, it's definitely trauma. And I see so many veterans deal with the same. In fact, you know, there's a scary number that's out there. 22 veterans commit suicide every single day. I've had people on the show that talk about this because they're the experts and we've done past shows about just that crazy number, 22 veteran suicides a day. And it's really sad. It's really scary. And it all traces back to trauma. And one thing that you believe is that we can use neuroscience to rewire our brain. So let's talk more about that. Yes. Yes, absolutely. You know, trauma is the great disconnector.

12:36It disconnects us from ourselves. It disconnects us from the people around us. And it disconnects us from the world at large. because we feel like the shame that we carry and like you identified that the survivor guilt, those things that we carry cause us to say, I don't want anybody else to see what I'm carrying. I don't want anyone to see my shame. So, I'm going to disconnect. And so, that the power of rewiring the brain is met in connection and compassionate connection. You know, that's everything that I teach my trauma coaches. If there is only one thing that you can do for someone else, it is to be a compassionate witness and to listen to everything that they have to say and to meet them without judgment and to help them to reconnect, first of all, with themselves.

13:37Because when we experience trauma, we tend to disconnect from ourselves. And then once they've learned how to reconnect with themselves and have a positive relationship with themselves, then they can go out and reconnect with other people and they can reconnect with the world at large and feel safe in the world. One thing that I've talked about with other individuals when it comes to this topic is ayahuasca, ketamine, things along those lines. I have personally no experience with any of those. I just haven't gone down that road, but I'm really curious from your perspective, is there a use for these?

14:21Where do they fit in? Do they fit in? I think they do. I think they do. And it's actually, it's becoming more and more accepted within the mental health community. In fact, just a couple weeks ago, I heard that Harvard Medical School was going to start studying. Oh, wow. But what they do, what these psychedelics do is they allow us access to parts of our brain that are, when we aren't using these substances, that are armored up, right? Like we talked about the shame and the isolation and the survivor guilt. What that does is that armors us because our brain says, look, that was an awful thing to go through.

15:01Let's never, never, never go through that again. And so it puts up these walls and gives us these inner critics that are chattering away in our head that tell us to stay small and stay quiet. But what the psychedelics do is they allow us to bypass that armor and get to those parts of ourselves that need that compassion, that need that welcoming without judgment, and also need not to be pathologized. right everybody who's experienced trauma struggles and whether they struggle in their struggle they reach for an addiction or they reach for rage or whatever it is that they reach for in an effort to survive it's because they're just trying to survive and so when we use these psychedelics it allows us to get past those defenses and touch into those core wounds and heal them in amounts of time that it would take you, you know, weeks, months, even years to do.

16:05So it's really an exciting unfolding field. That's good to hear because I know a lot of my friends are potentially gonna be going down that road or some of them actually have and have had good experiences. There's been some mixed experiences as well. So you will proceed with caution, Fire Nation. Yes, yes. So Bobby, your goal is to change the world. How are you going to accomplish this? What we're doing is we are, first of all, taking people who have the lived experience of trauma. I think one of the reasons why the system that I tried to get and help in was so harmful as it was is because the majority of the people who were trying to help me had no experience with trauma themselves.

16:48They had no lived experience. And so everyone who comes into our program is a trauma survivor. They have that lived experience. They know what it is like to go into the pits of hell and live there. And they are willing to go there wherever their clients need to go. and so we are taking that we are running with that we are equipping them with all the skills that they need um and to be honest we we sometimes we run into a little bit of a pushback in the mainstream mental health world they're like you're a what you can't coach trauma that's not ethical that's not okay so we don't get a seat we haven't gotten a seat at the big boys table and so we built our own damn table and we're sitting around it and we are going to disrupt the system and change the system and make trauma recovery accessible to anyone who wants it and help them to reconnect with their sense of joy of life and get rid of that shame and transform those inner critics that are chattering away inside their head.

18:04And our motto is build the life that you love to live. Build the life that you'd love to live. I mean, Fire Nation, if that's not inspiring, what is? And Bobby, I want Fire Nation to learn more from you, especially those who are connecting because there's trauma in their past or in their life or someone that's a loved one of theirs is experiencing something along this. And it's, it's, it's pretty unlikely that anybody listening right now doesn't know somebody who needs more of this message. So how could Fire Nation connect with you? Give us a call to action to learn more from what you have going on.

18:44Absolutely. So I have over on my website, if you just pop over to my website, bobbyparish.com, you'll see a tab that says resources. Under there are all sorts of resources, including a workbook that I've put together specifically for Fire Nation on how to work with your inner critic and how to get that voice to transform from one that seems like it's going to tear you down to one that is going to be your biggest cheerleader. Fire Nation, again, if the system doesn't work, create a new one. This is what Bobby is doing in this world. And near the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

19:28You've been hanging out with BLP and JLD today, so keep up that heat. If you have any direct questions for Bobby, find this episode on the podcast app, Podopolo, post a comment, ask a question, make it happen. And eofire.com, type Bobby, B-O-B-B-I, in the search bar. The show notes page will pop up with links to everything. And Bobby, one more time, what is your final call to action for our listeners? My final call to action is if you're listening to this and you think or someone has told you you can't do this, don't believe it. You can do it and you can have, you can build the life that you love to live.

20:11And give Fire Nation that URL to find out more. Bobbiparish.com B-O-B-B-I-P-A-R-I-S-H dot com. bobbyparish.com bobby thank you for sharing your truth your knowledge your value with fire nation today for that we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side thank you hey fire nation a huge thank you to our sponsors and bobby for sponsoring today's episode and fire nation successful entrepreneurs accomplish big goals that's why i created the freedom journal to guide you in accomplishing your number one goal in 100 days and we're talking step by step visit the freedom FreedomJournal.com and I'll catch you there or I'll catch you on the flip side.

20:56Outbound Squad, hosted by Jason Bay, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Tune in for convos with leading sales experts and top performing reps to help you land more meetings with your ideal clients. One of my faves, the monthly app with Jason and Ethan, where they share hacks, tips, and tricks. Listen to Outbound Squad wherever you get your podcasts.

21:21Thank you.