Impacting Millions With Your Personal Story with Selena Soo: An EOFire Classic from 2021

0:01Boom! Shake the room, Fire Nation! JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire! Brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals with great shows like Business Made Simple. Today, we're pulling a timeless EO Fire episode from the archives, so the giveaway may not be active, and we'll be breaking down impacting millions with your personal story. To drop these value bombs, I brought Selena Su into EO Fire Studios. Selena is the creator of Impacting Millions. As a publicity and marketing strategist, she helps visionary entrepreneurs, experts, and authors reach millions through publicity and win-win relationships.

0:37And today at Fire Nation, we'll talk about how abusers are master manipulators. It can start out very small and subtle and then turns into something really big. A lot of people think abuse means that they need to have a bruise or needs to be something physical, but not all the time, Fire Nation. And people need to come to the decision to leave themselves. One of the ways is by hearing someone else's story and realizing you don't want to go down that path, therefore impacting hundreds or thousands or millions and so much more, Fire Nation. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Selena and our sponsors.

1:07Business Made Simple, hosted by Donald Miller, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Business Made Simple takes the mystery out of growing your business. Join my friend, Donald Miller, each week as he shares value bombs on topics like the secret to making better marketing decisions. Listen to Business Made Simple wherever you get your podcasts. Ever thought of giving a TEDx talk? It's one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world and four-time TEDx speaker, Taylor Conroy from Thought Leader can help you get there.

1:40Visit thought-leader.com slash fire to join Taylor's free training where he teaches you how to land a TEDx talk and spread your message to millions. Selena, Sue, my Palmas Del Mar sister, hope you're doing well today. And man, I just want to know a little more details. And I shared in the introduction with Fire Nation about what exactly it is that you do. Absolutely. So my biggest passion is getting more inspiring experts, entrepreneurs, and voices into the world. I think that, you know, so many people are looking for inspiration and there's nothing more powerful than somebody who is sharing, you know, an important message or personal story.

2:24So I love, you know, at this point I've helped many, many thousands of entrepreneurs. get major publicity and get their stories out into the world. You've inspired me a lot over the years in a number of different areas. There's one area recently that you've really inspired me in, and that is just honesty, openness, transparency. In fact, I'll share a real, real quick side note that some of Fire Nation may already know about because I did release a podcast episode about it recently, which is I was on a live YouTube interview. And while I was on that live YouTube interview, just doing my best to drop some value bombs, somebody came on in the chat, of course, and called me a BS artist and a fraud live.

3:07And it was a little surprising, you know, that someone would be so brash on a live show like that to make that comment. You know, usually they do that in the recordings when they can, you know, run and hide. But I thought it was a very powerful conversation that we had as soon as that happened, where I talked about how hurt people hurt people. And it was really an eye opener for a lot of my audience because they just probably thought I could have gone in a lot of different directions with that. But the direction I took it inspired a lot of people. And you have a story that you recently released that is like on an exponentially 100x level of what I experienced on that little micro interview that I did.

3:46And it took courage. It took a lot of bravery and you just did it the right way. Can you tell us about that story that you recently released? Absolutely. So the story I recently released was how I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, even as a smart and successful woman. And it was with someone who got romantically involved with me and eventually got inside my business and, you know, seem to have been taking a number of calculated moves to control me and control my business. And it was definitely one of the most, it was the most painful and challenging experience of my life. And it spanned over a three year period because I was in the relationship for a year and a half.

4:32I left at one point and then I returned, which happens a lot when people are in abusive situations. And, um, and then after, you know, finally extricating myself from the situation for good, I was harassed for a year and a half. At one point, my ex was incessantly messaging me. He had created 33 different phone numbers to send me text messages and contact me nonstop. And it was disrupting my work. I was having trouble sleeping. But I finally was able to break free from that situation. And once I felt like, okay, I feel safe now, now I feel ready to share my story. We've become very close friends over the past couple of years, living in Palmas Del Mar.

5:19I mean, we see each other all the time. And you came to me not too long ago and you shared this story and we talked about it. And I asked you a question then that I'm going to ask you now. Why is it so important for you to share this story with the world now? Absolutely. So it's important because I think when sometimes people hear about abuse, they think that would never happen to me. You know, I'm too smart for that. Oh, I wouldn't let someone treat me like that. But the truth is people that are abusers, they're master manipulators. And it can start out very small and subtle and then it turns into a really big thing.

5:57So unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in these situations, whether it's with a romantic partner, with a mentor, with a family member, with a boss, you know, we're all susceptible to abuse. But the way that we can protect ourselves is by educating ourselves and really recognizing what those telltale signs are so we can stop ourselves from going down that path. And another important reason is a lot of times people don't think of verbal or emotional abuse as abuse. We think, oh, if I'm abused, it means I need to have a bruise. It needs to be something physical. And when I released my story, you know, people said to me, wow, now I'm realizing it's really making it clear that I do have some toxic and abusive relationships that I need to remove myself from.

6:45Other women have said things to me like I have the same story, just different details. Some people are leaving their abusive situations right now. And even one woman told me that this story saved her life. And so I'm just so committed to making sure more people read the story because whether you're in an abusive situation or not, by reading someone else's story, it can also help you understand the mindset of someone going through this and also how you can really support people in this situation. now before we continue and talk about what happened after you shared the story specifically and get into some details there you did mention telltale signs can we dive a little bit deeper here like what are some of these telltale signs that fire nation can can hear from you somebody who's experienced this first person so one telltale sign is love bombing it doesn't happen in every situation but it happens a lot where you meet someone and you're like wow we've got this amazing connection and you are being flattered or you're given lots of gifts.

7:46And this person just makes you feel like you're at the top of the world and you have this really strong emotional bond. Once you get hooked, then that's when the abuse starts happening. And one of the next steps is isolation, where maybe this person is saying, you know, I don't trust these friends of yours. I don't trust your team or this person saying this and that about you. And so they're you know, exert a form of control over you. The other thing is they will go from praising you to then eventually like putting you down or making you feel like you're not enough or that you need them. And it becomes very confusing because you're already emotionally hooked.

8:27So those are a couple of things that do happen, you know, in these relationships that we have to really keep our eyes open for. Love bombing. I had never heard that phrase before. I mean, I always talk about dropping value bombs here on entrepreneurs on fire, but I had never heard of the love bombing phrase. But I mean, when you described it, I'm like, Oh my God, that literally makes so much sense. And then the isolation, I mean, man, I have seen and had, I've had friends who have been isolated. And by the way, it's not just always men to women. Like I've seen it with one of my best friends where she was doing this to him and like, it was super obvious.

9:02And he just became literally like a different person as a result. And luckily he did not end up with that person, but that was happening in front of my eyes. And then the praising you to putting you down, that transition right there, that's something that is an absolute telltale sign. And I don't know if you've seen this, Selena, but Kate and I literally, it's kind of pretty timely actually, we just last night watched the Paris Hilton documentary for the first time. It came out, I think in late 2020. Yeah, it's on YouTube. It's a YouTube original. And it's crazy. like a quote that she shared in some of her abusive relationships, which she said she's been in at least five abusive relationships, but something that she said that might resonate with you a little bit is I thought that their anger proved how much they loved me.

9:52Like when they were screaming and they were so mad and she actually had some bruises and some, some, you know, physical issues as well with some of these guys. But she was just like, I literally thought that it was their anger that was proving to me. well, of course they're mad. They're this mad because they love me so much. If they didn't love me this much, then they wouldn't be mad. And like, that's how she talked herself into it. So another kind of thing to think about, you know, when we're talking about these telltale signs, but fire nation, we're going to be really getting into details about what happened after Selena shared the story as well as something significant that happened in her life less than a week before the story was released, which honestly, like, I don't even think that I know about.

10:31So, I mean, we're going to really be having some very interesting conversations when we get back from thanking our sponsors. Are you ready to close 2023 out strong by surpassing your revenue targets? Q4 is the time to make it happen. But in order to do that, you need the right tools to help you fill your pipeline, nurture prospects, and close deals. Lucky for you, there's the new HubSpot Sales Hub. With HubSpot's Sales Hub, you're able to supercharge your sales process so you can find, track, and close deals all in one powerful, easy-to-use platform. Imagine having your data, tools, and team all in one place.

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13:26Visit thought-leader.com slash fire. Join Taylor for his free training and get your message out of your head, out of your heart and out into the world where it belongs. That's thought-leader.com slash fire. Selena, we're back and you shared the story. It's immediately like just went uber viral. A lot of comments, a lot of, you know, people sharing it and doing all these things. It started a lot of conversations. What specifically happened after you shared this story? Yeah, so after I shared this story, I heard from hundreds of people, including some men. Some men even said, you know, I've been in this situation.

14:06In fact, you know, there is a huge stigma around men, you know, getting into these situations, and it feels shameful. So that was one thing. But many, many women emailed me, including women that are trapped in these situations right now. but it feels difficult to get out because of financial considerations or marriage or children and just the pure brainwashing that they've experienced. And a lot of people have also asked me how they can help. I think, you know, like they want to know how they can make the biggest difference. And I think that the biggest way to make a difference is by sharing our stories or sharing someone else's story.

14:45You know, unfortunately, there are people in my life right now who are in emotionally abusive situations. But I know from experience that if you tell someone in that situation, I can't believe you're doing this, you should leave him. That actually doesn't work. People need to come to that decision themselves. And the way that they come to that decision, one of the ways is by hearing someone else's story and realizing, I don't want to go all the way down that path. Okay, he's controlling, I made excuses. But wow, the things that Selena's ex said to her are the same things that my ex is saying to me or my, the person I'm with.

15:21Unfortunately, these abusive people seem to have a playbook and they use a lot of the same phrases. Like you don't need, you know, I don't need you, but you need me. You're nothing without me. No one could ever love you. You're difficult to date and so forth. And when you can see these things, you're like, wow, that's what's happening to me. And, you know, I need to find the courage to end this or find a way out and heal myself. What a creepy, sad playbook that is. And listen, Fire Nation, if you're hearing those phrases or you know someone who's hearing those phrases, like they need to hear this episode.

15:56They need to know that this does happen and there is a way out. So I teased this a little bit before the break, Selena. So I'm pretty curious myself. I mean, something significant happens in your life less than a week before your story was released. What the heck was that? Yeah, so less than a week before my story was released, one of my dear friends, Laura Hames Franklin, died in Bali. And she had lived in New York for years. We had spent so much time together. And she was excited for this new adventure. And when she got to Bali, she became sick and there were medical complications. She didn't have the right care.

16:35And she died. And it was really devastating to me because anyone that knows Laura knows that she's so full of life. She was the closest thing to a human fairy I knew. She was always dancing and sprinkling magic and just so full of joy and so full of life. and, you know, Laura's legacy is really how she chose to live her life and how she showed up so fully and so self-expressed. And so, you know, as I was about to release my story, I realized that, you know, what if I were to die tomorrow? I mean, unfortunately, you know, every day is not a guarantee, you know, in the age of COVID, in the age of uncertainty that we live in.

17:15And I wouldn't want to die with this story inside me because I knew that, you know, this is something that can really help people. And it's also a way of me liberating myself because when I was in that abusive situation, a way that I was controlled was, you know, being silenced, being isolated, being told that I can't talk to this person, him blowing up if I were to share with anyone, you know, challenges that were happening in my life or in my relationship. And so I knew that, you know, for me to make my biggest impact, I needed to get my story out into the world. And that was just a very powerful reminder.

17:49I don't get goosebumps often in Puerto Rico, but your comments that I couldn't die with this story inside me, I mean, that really resonated with me. And Fire Nation, I really hope that resonated with you as well. Because if you do have a story, if you do have a message, if you do have a mission, you know you need to embark upon in this world, today's the day, like literally, to share the voice, to share the message, to share the story, to share your mission, because tomorrow's not guaranteed. It is literally not guaranteed. And that being said, I mean, you're a walking, living, breathing case, Selena, of impacting millions.

18:28And you don't just impact millions with the latest tip on Instagram or how to get more Clubhouse followers or how to do X, Y, or Z strategically. Sometimes you impact millions by just being opened, honest, transparent, and sharing a real, raw, true story. And that's what you did. So kudos to you for stepping up, for entering that space and for absolutely impacting the lives of so many people that are hearing this message, this story right now on Entrepreneurs on Fire through the various channels that you shared it with. Absolutely magnificent what you're doing. And it's really on point and really on topic for what you have coming up this very month in regards to impacting millions.

19:15So talk to us about that. Absolutely. So I'm really passionate about giving entrepreneurs the tools that they need to spread their message. You know, if you have an important story that you want to release one day, or you have, you know, powerful work that you want everyone to know about, I don't want that to just be, you know, for you to keep that inside of you or for just a handful of people to know about it. How do we get hundreds, thousands, even millions, right, paying attention to your work and your story. And so I put together this three-part video series, the Impacting Millions publicity series, and they are three short videos that will show you how to get publicity so that you can really amplify your message, get it, you know, wherever you want to get it out there, whether it is on podcasts, magazines, TV, websites, other influencers and experts spreading your message.

20:02And so with those three videos, I have three free gifts. the first video comes with a list of 200 media outlets because a lot of people say to me selena i don't even know where to share my story or where to get my work um out to so that's going to get your ideas your wheels turning specific places where you can be seen this year you will also get a second gift with the next video which is a 12 month publicity calendar so every single month you can look at that calendar and get you know dozens and dozens of ideas and special dates and hooks and ways to position yourself to get into the media right now.

20:37And then last but not least, you will get a seven step publicity action plan so that you're really maximizing your media because it's not just about getting the media opportunity. It's how do you prepare for the opportunity? How do you leverage it so that this turns into new clients and customers? So you get all of that when you go to eofire.com slash impact. And when you sign up for the video series, you'll also have a chance to enter to win an all expenses paid trip to Puerto Rico because I would love to personally connect you and to provide you with mentoring and also introduce you to some of my entrepreneur friends.

21:12So one lucky winner is going to win a paid trip to beautiful Puerto Rico and also be invited to an entrepreneur's dinner party. And of course, I will be extending that invitation to JLD and my other amazing friends for us all to hang out together. Holla. I mean, I want the winner of this contest to be one of you, Fire Nation. Somebody listening to this podcast episode. So come on, enter to win a chance to come down to Puerto Rico. I mean, I'm pre-accepting Selena's invite. So I mean, it's already happening. If it's somebody in Fire Nation, I am at that dinner 100%. You can count on that. And guess what?

21:49It's free and you're going to get unbelievably immense amounts of value for doing it. eofire.com slash impact. I-M-P-A-C-T, impact. eofire.com slash impact. You're going to get those three video series that are full of value. All three of those amazing additional bonuses that Selena mentioned with each video comes included. You got to get on to Fire Nation. This is the type of content you need to be consuming, you need to be taking advantage of when it comes to spreading your message, your mission, your voice, your impact with the world. So Selena, I just want to say thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation.

22:34Once again today, for that, we are saluting you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Business Made Simple, hosted by Donald Miller, is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Business Made Simple takes the mystery out of growing your business. Join my friend, Donna Miller, each week as he shares value bombs on topics like the secret to making better marketing decisions. Listen to Business Made Simple wherever you get your podcasts. Ever thought of giving a TEDx talk? It's one of the most powerful ways to share your message with the world and four-time TEDx speaker, Taylor Conroy from Thought Leader can help you get there.

23:13Visit thought-leader.com to join Taylor's free training where he teaches you how to land a TEDx talk and spread your message to millions.